26 Tom's POV
"Tom, that isn't... that isn't how things are supposed to be." Danny sighed, like I didn't know that.
"I know, I was very lucky with the fact that she never wanted to punish me. She was very patient, far more patient than she should have been with me really. Anybody else would have started punishing within weeks." I knew I was lucky, so very, very lucky, with the fact that my wife hadn't ever punished me like that. She had always been so kind, had barely raised her voice most of the time. She just told me the truth, and tried to guide me back to how I should have been acting.
"That wasn't what I meant, Tom she shouldn't have been saying anything like that to you, or treating you like she did." Danny continued, that didn't make any sense.
"How else was I supposed to know when I was doing wrong? I could hardly be allowed to continue on like I was." I couldn't have been allowed to continue on like I was; I would have screwed everything up. I screwed up enough as it was, how could I be allowed to continue without prompting, or helping?
"I, I can't, I'm sorry." Dougie got up and left. The bathroom door slammed soon after. I hadn't... had I forced him away? I hadn't meant to force him away! I was just telling the truth!
"Tom, this isn't... it's hard to describe, but this isn't right, not really. I think, I think you need to see someone." Harry suggested, that didn't sound all too good. I wasn't... good at talking to others. I couldn't... articulating myself wasn't my strong point, and I was weird, most people didn't talk to me because I was so weird.
"Like who?" I didn't think there was anyone who would be willing to talk to me.
"Like, like your therapist, from a few years ago. I think they can help." Harry didn't sound like he believed that.
"But I'm not ill again; I'm taking my medications like I'm supposed to." I promised, I was, honestly. I hadn't missed a single dose. Not in years, I made sure of it, so I could never be accused of endangering Buzz that way with my mental illness. She had always warned me about that.
"I know you are, that's not what I meant... I mean to help you, with how you're feeling now. You're not... this isn't right, for you. You're erm... If you see them again, you can keep Buzz." Harry made Danny look at him sharply. I did too; I could keep Buzz if I saw them?
"Would it help me look after him better?" I hoped so; I'd do anything to help me look after my son better, so I could keep him. I wanted to keep him, so badly; I'd do anything to keep him. I'd learn everything I possibly could, and do the best I could to do to look after him. He was the only thing I had left, if I had a small chance of keeping him, I could take it.
"Yes, yes, that's the point. So do you have the number, so we can make an appointment?" Harry asked carefully.
"The numbers on my phone." I gave him my phone, "I haven't really seen her in a while though, I don't know if she will still be free." I felt ashamed of saying that. I didn't want them to think I was neglecting myself, or deliberating putting Buzz in danger. I had just... I had gotten myself under control, had a good routine going, I didn't need to be going to the therapist every week. I'd promised to go back if things started tipping again, but they hadn't, so I hadn't gone again.
Anyway, my wife had encouraged me to stop anyway, said that I was fine as I was. She wanted me to leave the minute I stabilised on the medications, but I wasn't allowed. She made me stop as soon as possible.
But maybe, this was a good thing, so I could learn the perfect parenting skills. So I could keep Buzz. Maybe I could then learn how to actually function and be good. Maybe I could actually learn, and actually be a good person. I needed that, needed it so badly. I hoped she would be able to help, or someone could, at least.