(If you'd like to see the pictures mentioned here...there's nothing else I can tell you. Go see them on wattpad)

Here we have our first review - Rise of the Blue Bow by Heatstorm. This is one of those Legends of Tomorrow stories in which the author takes their oc and places them in any and all of the seasons in the show. I've read quite a few of these in my day. (I say like I'm not only nineteen. )

His story features the one and only Alex Foxworthy. Up at the top there you will see a description of his story and the cover, if you are interested in searching it for yourself. Now...let's get into the fun stuff!

Grammar

The grammar in Blue Bow is actually pretty decent. At least compared to some other things I've read. For the most part there is accurate punctuation and spelling, except for maybe a few typos.

However, there was one issue that really bothered me while I was reading this. The indentation.

So, what I mean by that is this: When using dialogue, you should indent everytime I new speaker begins a sentence. Example:

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Dr. D yelled into the sky.

"I like pancakes," Norm stated.

Heatstorm has a habit of writing it like :

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Dr. D yelled. "I like pancakes," Norm stated.

While you can still read it fairly easily, it makes it kind of confusing and hard to discern who's supposed to be speaking.

Another issue I noticed a lot of is periods being where commas should be in the dialogue. I don't mind this issue a lot, because my best friend does it too...but it's also grammatically incorrect.

So, instead of it being like: "Hi, I'm Norm." Norm said.

It should be like: "Hi, I'm Norm," Norm said.

Of course, this rule only applies for what I like to call bland sentences and only after there's a "he said" "she said" sort of thing. But...you can talk to your English teachers if you want an in depth lecture on that. Let's move on.

I also noticed a few errors concerning red/blue sentences, as my English teacher would call them.

These are the sentences that essentially take two sentences and smoosh them together. Like:

Isabella is in love with Phineas. Candace is in love with Jeremy.

Isabella is in love with Phineas, and Candace is in love with Jeremy.

The rule is, if you can make two complete sentences out of it, there needs to be a comma. If you can break it into two parts with one part being a sentence fragmant (example: Isabella likes hanging out with her friends and also likes being a Fireside Girl.) there is no need for a comma. Heatstorm does this backwards.

Two more things. And these are just really me being extremely nit picky. So, don't hate me. (He did tell me not to go easy on him )

So, second to last thing. I seen this once or twice I think. I can't explain without being confusing, so here's a picture.

This, I suppose isn't technically grammatically incorrect. (Or maybe it is. I don't know. Someone fact check me.) But it is unprofessional looking, in my not so humble opinion. Instead of showing the numbers this way, I'd type out the word three. (That being said...I type out years using numbers all the time so...)

Last thing. Here's another nit picky picture.

In this scene Rip is cutting Jax's sentence off. I've seen a lot of writers do it this way, so again it's probably not technically incorrect...but I'm being nit picky. I'd suggest doing it like this:

"We need to find out who so - "

"You can get another chance of destroying the very history that you're supposed to be protecting?"

7/10

Plot

Now...seeing as how there are presently only three chapters of Blue Bow I don't have a lot to say about the plot. Three chapters isn't a lot of room to work in major plot points; therefore I can't form much of an opinion.

Thus far, it looks as though he is sticking to the original script of Legends of Tomorrow. Though, I'm not sure what he plans to do later on. Maybe there's some plot twist yet to come. We shall see, as the story progresses.

10/10 (for now )

Oc

Alex Foxworthy. How do I begin to explain Alex Foxworthy? Alex Foxworthy is flawless. I hear his hair's insured for ten thousand dollars. I hear he does car commercials...in Japan. His favorite movie is Varsity Blues. One time he met John Stamos on a plane. And he told him he was pretty. One time he punched me in the face. It was awesome.

Sorry. I couldn't help myself. I just had to reference Mean Girls.

Okay. But in all honesty, I'm getting some great first impressions from this guy. For one thing...he's a guy. Usually ocs are women. (Not that I'm complaining. Lesbians tend to like women. ) It's just nice to see a difference ever now and again, you know?

Alex strikes me as one of those bitter, sassy characters. (Like myself.) He gives me an Oliver Queen type vibe. Of course, with just a mere three chapters we don't have the chance to explore his character in depth. I look forward to seeing more about his character - his likes, dislikes, the things that piss him off to no end, what kind of people attract him (both for friendships and romantically) just odd and in things like that.

8/10

Cannon characters

Seeing as how for a majority of this story so far has stuck to the script, the characters are perfectly in character so far. There's not really a lot I can say about this at the moment.

All the cannon characters have just mostly been saying and doing the things they do in the orginal script. So...yeah.

9/10

Writing style

Okay. Here we go. I am going to be super nit picky here because I so rarely like the writing style of other fanfic writers. (I'm so mean. )

First off, some things were a little confusing for me while I was reading.

First, I'll direct your attention to the first picture. The paragraph that's circled is just worried a little strangely for my liking. In my opinion it's kind of wordy and all over the place. I'd suggest a bit of clean up and breaking it down.

Example : The man lead the way, taking us down a long hallway. As we walked we shared names. The man introduced himself as Mick Rory, making my eyes widen. I thought he had looked familiar. He was Heatwave, one of Barry Allen's many enemies. (Silently, I wondered why Barry and his team constantly gave their adversaries codenames; but I refrained from saying anything out loud, lest it start another argument with Oliver.)

Now, I'm fairly certain that the second picture is mostly a typo...But I'm gonna nit pick at it anyway.

It's confusing, because it mixes two lines of dialogue together; and It took me a while to figure out who was supposed to be talking. But I gather it's supposed to be:

"All I remember is being knocked out by that skinny, little Englishman," Mick said. "Very embarrassing."

"Hey I'm a skinny Englishman!" Alex said.

"Chill out, Purple Man."

So, next we have these two pictures. These aren't wrong, of course. But they're super long, and it's easy to get lost.

This occurs a lot whenever a character is thinking in Blue Bow. I'd suggest breaking it up and making it two separate sentences.

Example : "No. Just reading your on 1942," Sara said.

Ray, you dumbass. Can't you see I'm busy with my vendetta? she thought bitterly.

In the second picture, you could probably just say Ray is using an annoyed tone. Simple. To the point. You don't always need so many words.

Which completely contradicts my next point.

Details. Details. Details.

Anyone who knows anything about the way that I write knows that I love details. (But not too much. Don't be overwhelming.) Be descriptive. Set the scene a little. You don't have to describe every last little thing, but add enough so that the reader can easily visualize what the scene and characters look like. The more important it is, the more detail it needs.

This goes along with my next point nicely. Show don't tell. Sometimes this is nice. Simple. Easy. But sometimes we need a little...more.

Example: Instead of saying "He ran, and he was scared." You could say "He ran through the woods, feet pounding against the ground. His breath was ragid and unsteady; his heart was beating a million miles a minute."

This is descriptive and allows the reader to get into the story easier.

You could also change up the "he said" "she said " a bit. For example:

"You're an annoying little shit face," Laurel hissed.

"Screw you, you self righteous, ass hat!" JJ snapped back.

One last criticism. Try not to write so much like a grocery list. What I mean by that is:

We walked to the bridge. We sat down. Yada, Yada, Yada.

It's not every sentence, but it does happen quite frequently. Try stretching some sentences out, like a yo-yo.

Example:

Doof was not an appealing man. He was tall, but he slouched, which gave the illusion that he was much shorter than he actually was. The evil scientist (if one could call him evil) was wearing a long black tee under a white lab coat, resulting in everyone constantly mistaking him for a pharmacist.

But I don't dislike everything about Heatstorm's writing style. So, let's end this on a positive note.

I like that he actually sticks to the point of view in which he is writing. I've seen so many fanfics where writers slip from third person to first person every other sentence. It gets very confusing.

But Heatstorm manages to stick to first person all the way through, when he's writing in first person. So, I give him props for that.

5/10

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *