A/N: I don't know why I stopped watching NCIS: LA. I loved it. The amazing ensemble chemistry one of the best I've experienced. For whatever reason it was, I regret it. I was looking for something to watch the other night and turned it on. I hadn't seen an episode in more than 3 or 4 years. I picked a doozy of a time to return. I watched the final five episodes of Season 9 and could not help but come here and write my response to the Densi conversation in the NCIS parking lot. I hope you enjoy.
As Deeks' escorts put an end to their conversation, Kensi stepped backward, in a daze at how quickly it had all imploded. The happiness in her heart at the prospect of marrying Deeks was now ash in her mouth. She was leaving the country, possibly never to return, and the man she counted on, the man she loved, had all but cut the cord on their marriage and life together.
If not for Mosely. The woman would stop at nothing the retrieve her son. She had not hesitated to fire Deeks, on the spot for speaking the thoughts they all shared. But it was not his firing that was ceaselessly wringing her guts. It was Deeks. Pressing her for paradigm shifting answers on the eve of a mission. It was Deeks demanding answers about children. It was an inappropriate question in light of Mosely's choices. Choices that would likely end her career and had the possibility of ending all of their lives.
He was pressing her for how long she wanted to-needed to stay on the job. It was all so strange and desperate. But, that was it. He was desperate. He wanted assurances from her before she left. He wanted to know what their future would be, what it could have been if she didn't come back. He knew the danger. He knew the odds. He knew that this might be the last time he would see her. What he didn't know is that his desperation would make him say something that would break her heart. That he would want to 'reevaluate their relationship', in essence, call off the wedding, her hope, as she was about to go to war, was inconceivable. Was he so desperate? So selfish?
She could feel the tears still pushing against the brim of her eyelids. He would have seen the effect of his words. He did. He tried to back pedal, to make it right, to cover over the battering ram of one dreadful statement.
Did he doubt her love for him? She could not believe he did. With every passing moment, she realized this wasn't about her. It was about him. He was scared. He was hurt. He was ready to leave the life, but she wasn't. Damn Mosely for galvanizing her commitment to NCIS and for putting her into a position to lose the man she loved.
Baby?
Baby?
Baby!
Come on, Baby?
Hollow and devastating.
She turned and walked back toward the office. His pleading still ringing in her ears. The tears finally fell and she brushed them from her cheeks with purpose. Kensi, the partner and fiancé, had to take a back seat. The job was first. The job required total focus.
Damn him for compromising her.