Welcome back for another honest review. Today we have Heroes: Godsend by Sklarlight. This fanfic takes place in between the two NBC shows Heroes and Heroes Reborn. It took me awhile to get through it, even though it was a mere ten chapters, but it was a good read anyway. So, without further ado, let's get into the review!
Grammar
This fanfic has fairly decent grammar. Good spelling. However, as always I have nit picky things to point out. Only two though. Don't worry.
One. I've said it before in other reviews, I think. Commas in dialogue. When a character is making a statement -- not a question or an exclamation, just a normal sentence -- it's grammatically correct to use commas instead of periods.
Example:
"Whatcha doing?" Isabella asked.
"We're building a spaceship," Phineas said.
Instead of : "We're building a space ship." Phineas said.
The second thing I noticed is the long paragraphs of dialogue. Of course, it isn't wrong to give characters long speeches, if not a little exhausting to read. (I do it a lot so if it's illegal we'll both go to jail.)
But the problem lies within the quotation marks. After every five sentences or so you should indent and add another quotation mark.
Example:
"The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks again, Agent P. He's bought a bunch of tin foil and covered all of down town with it. He plans to do something super evil with it, but we don't know what yet. His robot Norm is assisting him. His daughter is picking up the blueprints as we speak.
"We need you to get out there and stop him. If you fail this mission it could mean the end of the world! You are our only hope, Agent P. Good luck."
6/10
Plot
I for one loved this plot. This fic features the nefarious Nomad, who desires to pull a Damion Darhk. (That is to destroy the world and recreate it in his own image using his adoptive son and a machine called the Godsend Device.)
In doing so he kidnaps Noah Gray, the son of Gabriel Grey and Elle Bishop from another earth. The Nomad spends a life time preparing for his evil scheme, brainwashing Noah until the time is right to put his plan to action.
However, the plan goes south rather quickly, resulting in his son - Riley's - death. (Along with the Nomad and countless others' deaths.)
It was a very interesting and original idea, I thought.
But with only ten chapters, it doesn't give a lot of time to get super attached to any of the characters. Which makes their deaths kind of...meh.
That's really my only criticism here.
8/10
Oc
This story is mostly all ocs. Which is actually a really hard thing to do. Not many people can do that.
But I thought Sklarlight did very well with their characters. They appear to have much depth to them. They've got fears, worries, doubts, confidence, etc, etc. Just like real people.
My only criticism is that, since this story is so fast paced, there's not a lot of time to get to know them super well. I feel like we've barely touched the surface with these characters. I do like them all, honestly. I just feel like, if the story was slowed down a little we might get a little more insight on more personal things with these characters and be able to connect with them on a deeper level.
For instance, what's their favorite movies? What's something they can't live without? What's their worst fear? Do they like milk or dark chocolate?
You know. Just some of those insecnificant little details.
7/10
Cannon Characters
There's not a lot of cannon characters in this story. As I've said, it's mostly ocs. However, we do get to see Noah Bennett, Angela Petrelli, and Hiro Nakamara. (Some of my favorites.)
In this story they are mostly in character. At least, Angela isn't randomly bursting into song and dance for no reason. But I still feel like they could have been...more in character.
Of course this is a super hard thing to do. I can't keep characters in character, unless I spend hours studying them. And honestly who has the time?
5/10
Writing Style
And last but not least...writing style.
I gotta say, I was super amazed and captivated from the first chapter. (Scratch that. From the first paragraph.) Sklarlight is a stunning writer, indeed. There are so many details and scenes full of angst and action respectively. Everything I love in a book.
But this wouldn't be a good review if I didn't complain about something. So, let's do that. Shall we?
First thing. There's a lot of redundancy. The characters are always talking about Noah's good nature and the Nomad brainwashing him. They explain the Godsend Device in every other sentence. It just seems like they spend a lot of time reexplaining the same thing over and over. It gets boring.
Second and last thing, there's a lot of telling and not showing. I've said this before in other reviews. This is when you tell the reader the character is feeling something rather than showing them. Instead of saying "They were sad." Try being more descriptive and allowing the readers to infer this. This will allow them to connect with your characters on a deeper level and get more into the story.
Example:
Isabella curled up into a ball on her bed, feeling as though an elephant were sitting on her chest. She blinked rapidly, as hot tears began rolling down her face.
When will Phineas notice me? she thought.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *