Chapter 67-Inside Out

"Unfinished Business"

AN: For this one, I'm doing a bit of reordering again because it always made more sense to me relationship-wise to have "Unfinished Business" come before "Stemwinder." I'm taking a bit of a liberty with the scene in which Amanda breaks into Lee's apartment since there is a convenient gap between Lee's "What the hell are you doing here?" and "How'd you get in here?" Given the nature of the episode, this one is a bit more angsty than usual. A huge thanks to my beta squad for helping to make this one better.

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Was he dreaming again? Lee was five years old and his mother was calling his name. "Lee..." He kept hearing the voice, but couldn't see her. "Lee?" he heard the female voice again, but was it his mother's voice? It didn't sound the way he remembered it. He was trying to place the voice in his mind and when he felt someone hovering over him his agent instincts kicked in and he grabbed the intruder to pin them down.

Amanda let out a loud scream when she found herself suddenly on her back; her shoulders were held in Lee's strong grip and his searching gaze at her as if, for a moment, he didn't recognize her. Then when it seemed that whatever fog was clouding his mind lifted, he questioned, "Amanda?"

"Yes," she answered in a panicked voice, a bit disconcerted by the way he was holding her.

His response was not what she had expected. "What the hell are you doing here?" he asked in a gruff voice.

"I was worried about you," she answered simply. That was an understatement. He'd been acting so unlike himself since yesterday. All summer long since they'd had their talk about getting to know each other, they'd spent every moment they could together. He'd even found a new place, Emilio's, that had now become "their" place. Of his own accord, he'd asked for her help in apartment-hunting and in picking out new furniture for his new home. She'd agreed happily for the job and had volunteered to help him move into it.

He'd rewarded her by moving a second desk into their shared office so that she could have her own space now that her training was progressing, a sweet gesture on his part. He'd never said anything about it, but she also suspected that he was behind Billy getting her an Agency ID of her own, instead of a visitor's pass and she was no longer required to remember a password to provide to Mrs. Marston every day.

When she'd arrived at the office yesterday, he'd been in such a playful mood. Since he had nothing on his agenda, he'd even suggested that they ditch so they could spend some more time together. But as soon as she'd handed him that CIA file, his entire demeanor had changed instantly. He was no longer her Lee Stetson. He was the cool, immovable Scarecrow again. He'd hustled her out the door as he had in the early days of their partnership and had shut down on her. Then he had stopped returning her calls.

And now he was hovering inches above her, stone-faced and she held her breath nervously, until finally, he nodded as if acknowledging her presence, but still didn't release her. Instead, he used his entire body to press her into the mattress and covered her mouth with his own in a feral, possessive kiss. He used one hand to tip her head back, as he demanded entrance into her mouth.

Amanda opened beneath his assault and moaned into his mouth as his tongue probed hers and he ground his hips into hers. She gasped in astonishment at feeling his erection so hard already; even through the thick denim of her jeans, she could feel him. She snaked her free arm around his neck as she parted her legs and pushed up against him. Her heart soared in believing that her fears of him shutting her out had been unfounded.

She whimpered as he pulled back from her as abruptly as he'd started, the momentary lightness in her heart fading until she realized what he was doing. He reached for her shoes and without bothering to untie them, yanked them from her feet, dropping them to the floor. Then without pausing for a second, he reached to undo her jeans, dragging them and her panties down her legs. Then he was above her again, his mouth back on hers as his hand slipped between them to stroke her center.

She kissed him back fiercely and bucked against his hand, not really understanding what he was up to or what was going on with him, but sensing that this was something he needed, so she didn't stop him. Not that it was a hardship for her to be kissed by him or to be touched by him. After the way he'd distanced himself from her, she relished every touch and found herself, much sooner than she would have expected, feeling that out-of-control feeing that occurred every time that she was about to climax under his skilled hands. She was so lost that her mind barely registered the hiss of his zipper and didn't have time to process what the sound was until he was inside her.

"Lee!" she cried, tearing her mouth from his, as he thrust into her hard and fast.

Lee grasped her hips and clamped his mouth down on her neck as he buried himself in her, hoping to bury the pain in the process. All too soon, he felt himself exploding within her. He let out a strangled cry as he thrust into her twice more before he collapsed on top of her and burrowed his head into her soft, thick hair, his whole body shaking uncontrollably.

Amanda cradled him against her, holding him tightly as his body continued to tremble above her and he let out little whimpers as he struggled to control his breathing. She stroked his fine hair and crooned, "It's okay. Shh...whatever, it is, it's all gonna' be okay."

After a long moment, his body stilled and they just lay there together until Lee pulled back, pulled out of her and away from her. Without a word, he straightened his pants and sat on the side of the bed with his back to her. She wondered if she should say something or let him take the lead. It was clear that he was hurting. Deciding that since she knew him inside and out now and knowing that pushing him to talk about it would only cause him to retreat further, she quietly got dressed. Once done with tying her shoes, she sat beside him on the bed.

He finally broke the eerie silence by asking in a demanding tone, "How'd you get in here anyway?"

"Lock pick. Standard issue," she explained. That had been another contribution to her career advancement that she suspected he'd been responsible for. Shortly after putting the Martinet case to bed, he'd insisted on taking her out to celebrate her passing the "entry and escape" course with flying colors. He'd presented it to her at dinner, telling her that it was just "standard issue" upon passing that course when she had protested that since she wasn't a full-time agent, she wasn't sure she should have the lock pick kit.

"Well, I'm gonna' have to do something about that," he muttered with a shake of his head.

Amanda took in his appearance as she watched him run a hand through his hair, a gesture that she'd learned from experience that meant he was agitated or frustrated. He often didn't even seem to be consciously aware that he was doing it. As she examined him more closely, she noticed tear stains on his face and his rumpled clothes that were in that shape before their romp. He'd been sleeping in them when she walked in, so it was no surprise. What was a surprise is that he would do that. The only times she'd known him to sleep in his work clothes were when he'd had no choice, like times they'd been held prisoner by the bad guys. This, though, this was a bad guy that she couldn't fight. Whatever he was fighting now was inside his own head.

Should I say something? She wondered. She wanted so badly to help him with whatever was bothering him. That's what you were supposed to do for someone you loved. Finally deciding that risking incurring his wrath was better than seeing him like this. She took a deep breath. "Look, I know this is about your mom and dad."

Lee stopped rubbing his head and gaped at her. "And what makes you think that?" he questioned defensively.

She explained to him about the pictures and the CIA file.

"So you snooped," he chimed in mid-ramble, just as she said, "I'm sorry. I snooped."

She nodded and replied, "I did."

Lee looked down at his hands, clasping them together tightly in frustration and spat out her name.

"Yeah?" She never took her eyes off of him as he unclenched his hands and began gesturing with them as he spoke.

"This is something that's very personal. Can't you just leave it at that?" he implored her.

"No," she answered instantly. "Because when somebody that I care about hurts, I hurt too."

At her words and the sincere, loving look in her eyes, even after he'd just used her shamelessly for his own needs, Lee's hardened expression softened. How could she look at him like that, still care for him after...

He tore his gaze from hers, unable to fathom how she could still be willing to help him and furthermore, be so adamant about wanting to help him? He took another deep breath and conceded, looking back in her direction. "I've never told anyone. I never leaned on anybody, even when I needed to."

"You can lean on me; I'm a lot stronger than I look." Did this mean he was going to let her in again? She felt a flutter of hope rising within her.

He stared at her blankly for a moment, but then couldn't help smiling broadly, flashing her his dimples and when she smiled back warmly, he stood, reached for her hand and suggested, "Let's take a walk, huh?" He was pleased that she immediately took his hand and agreed.

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Three days later, once he'd had time to recover from his drug-induced haze, Amanda stood by his side as he gazed down at the gravestones bearing his parents' names.

"I haven't been by here in a long time." He sighed. "Somehow, it always seemed easier to stay away." He absently reached for her hand as he spoke. "But now..." Now, he knew that if he wanted to really have a life with Amanda, he needed what the shrinks that he hated referred to as "closure." If he wanted to start a real future with her, he had to let go of the past.

Amanda clasped his hand with both of hers, squeezing it gently to comfort him. She gently rubbed his arm. "I'm gonna leave you alone now."

Lee clung to her not letting go of her hand and urged her to stay. "No, Amanda." He took both of her hands in his and turned to face her. "No, don't go." He remembered vividly calling her "My Amanda" during his hallucinogen-induced trance. He knew now that nothing would ever be the same between them after that. They didn't need to talk about it, just like they didn't need to talk about his panic-driven use of her body as a sanctuary. She'd given freely of herself in that moment. She knew it; he knew it and he was grateful for it.

He nodded toward the headstones. "I sure wish you could've known them."

She glanced briefly in that direction, then back at him and when he met her eyes again, she replied, "I think I do." When she saw him smile a real, genuine smile for the first time in days, she couldn't help smiling back.

Lee looked at his girlfriend in wonder. He'd put her through hell this past week, yet she'd never left his side during this whole ordeal. He used his grip on her hands to pull her into his arms and held her, knowing without a doubt that he wanted to hold her for the rest of his life.

He brushed a soft kiss against her temple and then perked up as a thought struck him. "Hey, I have something for you." He pulled back from her and dug into his pocket. "I was gonna' wait until our next date to give it to you, but you're here now."

"For me? What is it?"

He produced a key ring from his pocket with two keys on it and dangled them in front of her. When she looked at him curiously, he explained as he took her hand and pressed the keys into it and closed her fingers around them, "For my apartment, so you don't have to break in anymore."

"Lee, I-I-I don't know what to say." She looked down at her closed hand and back up at him.

"Say, you'll use them. Whenever you feel like it. No more lock-picking, huh?" He grinned mischievously at her.

"You got it," she agreed and hugged him tightly. It was a big step for him, she knew. He'd never given his keys to anyone before, so she knew now that he was back to being...him.