This took me forever to get through. With school and so many other issues. Ugh. Sorry it took so long, friend. But I'm finally finished, so let's do this!
Grammar
I'll be completely and totally honest I expect this this book to suck as, because it was about something typically seen as "for little kids." And that being taken into consideration most -- not all, but most -- of these kind of fanfic suck.
But this was actually pretty decent. I can tell you did a fair amount of editing. There are next to zero grammatical errors. At least that I seen, when I was reading. However, there are a couple of typos, I think.
Also, when ending dialogue with he said, she said, you should use commas instead of periods. (For sentences that don't need exclamation point or question marks.) And when it isn't a name, you don't need to capitalize.
Example:
"Hi, Phineas." Isabella said, her pupils literally transforming into hearts.
"Hey, Isabella." The boy responded.
Instead, it should be like:
"Hi, Phineas," Isabella said, her eyes literally transforming into hearts.
"Hey, Isabella," the boy responded.
But other than that, the grammar was tremendous.
8/10
Plot
So far I really liked this plot. And considering it's a love story, that's saying something. I really hate love stories. There's just not enough action for me.
But this...ha. This has action.
It starts out with Jack Frost coming to see Rapunzel, because - gasp!- he's disappearing, and she actually believes in him.
But things soon begin to pick up. Jack discovers Gothal is an abusive hag, and so they run away together. Then, Pitch appears - gasp! And they run into Flynn Rider!! Woo!
These first seventeen chapters have certainly been exciting, indeed.
I like how some things are kept the same as the Tangled movie, like Punzie's magical hair, and some things are different, like it not losing it's power and turning brown when it's cut. (That never made sense to me anyway.)
Doing things like this show creativity. I don't always like changes, because I'm biased for the cannon...but a lot of the time change is necessary, especially for au fanfics. And I for one am excited to see how Rider fits into this story if he is not going to be Punzie's love interest.
9/10
Oc
I'm not sure if it really counts as ocs or not, but Punzie's parents never actually spoke or...well they didn't really do anything at all in the Tangled movie so...
I'm gonna count them as ocs.
So far there hasn't been much of them. They've just been in a couple chapters at the end and in the prologue; and now we're drifting away from them again.
However, they seem pretty okay so far. I won't make any huge judgment on them, until I've seen more of them. But so far they seem decent. At least, they haven't annoyed me quite just yet, so...
6/10
Cannon Characters
I thought the characters seemed pretty in character actually. Jack seemed just as happy and cheerful, yet broody and loyal as he was in the films. (And the books too, I'm guessing. Though, I've never read those.)
Rapunzel was just as happy-go-luck-innocent-puppy-dog as she was in Tangled. Her quick wit and good nature is on point.
Pitch is as sardonic and creepy as I remember. Can't wait to see more of him in this fic.
Tooth. Oh how I love Tooth. Her energy and enthusiasm was spot on. Well done!
10/10
Writing Style
As I've said, I really thought this book would suck. I was not at all expecting as much detail as their was. But, by fanfic standards, there was a lot.
Which is good. I love detail.
There was a perfect amount of detail for everything, in my opinion. Scenery was described, sensory, people, etc.
Some of the words you choose are spectacular, in my opinion. It just reminds me of why I fell in love with reading/writing to begin with. (This is something not a lot of fanfics can do for me these days.)
9/10
* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *