Origin Lost by AlexCraigWrites. It's been several weeks. Sigh...I'm really bad at doing things quickly. I'm sorry. Okay. Let's do this!
Grammar
I didn't see that many grammar errors, I don't think. None that I feel like nit picking at anyway. Just minor things I've mentioned in other reviews. Like commas in the dialogue and things like that.
9/10
Plot
Origins Lost is actually an interesting plot, I think. I've not really read anything like it before. (Though I haven't really ready Heroes of Olympus fanfics in years, so I'm not really sure how their cliches are now...)
But it's interesting, thus far. The plot follows Will from Ranger's Apprentance, taking Jason from Heroes of Olympus's place in Rick Riordan's The Lost Hero.
I really like seeing all the differences between the original and this fanfic. It's humorous to me. Though there are only three chapters up at the moment, so it's hard to say how the rest of the book might change. And I'm curious to see what happens, since the Roman demigods won't be in this story at all.
9/10
OC
Thus far there aren't any ocs to judge
N/A
Cannon Characters
The best thing about these type of books is that it's extremely easy to keep everyone in character. You sort of have a cheat sheet by watching/reading the movie/show/book.
I'm excited to see if you can keep it up, when the dialogue needs to change from the original texts though.
I also find it interesting that Leo is a female rather than a male in here. So far they seem to be just the same as they are in the real book, which is good. Though, I'm curious if their personality will change at all being a girl rather than a boy. Or will it be the same Leo we know and love throughout the whole thing? (Just with different part.)
7/10
Writing Style
So this story was written in first person, rather than third person like the original story. I find that curious. This means that we only see things through Will's eyes and a number of things could change because of it. I look forward to seeing what those changes will be.
I normally don't like first person point of view in fanfic. I find that it makes the characters sound dull and stupid. But hopefully you will be able to change my mind about that.
There's a lot of details, even though some of the words are the same as Riordan's work. But I still feel like...something is missing. (I don't know maybe it's just that first person thing.) I'm not sure what it is.
Maybe there could be a few more internal thoughts and feelings. A lot of fanfic writers struggle with that. It's a very hard thing to do.
8/10
* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *