Back in DC. This time Young Justice instead of Arrowverse. It's been a while since I've seen this show, but I remember it was super good. The fanfics are usually pretty decent...Let's see if amanda_dragons' is good as well!

Grammar

So, the grammar was pretty okay. There were a few typos here and there. And a few issues with capitalizing. For example, Kid Flash would often be written like Kid flash. Remember, all parts of the name should be capitalized, even if it's two words. If it's a name it's capital.

7/10

Plot

So, the plot is pretty cool. It's one of those stories where an OC is put in the cannon, which is always entertaining. For the most part, the fic follows the storyline of the show, but towards the end, there are more original chapters. I'd advise keeping that up. It makes it more interesting and shows your creative mind, instead of just copying what the writer of the show has already done.

8/10

Oc

I'll be honest. I'm kind of biased here because I also have a fire-based on named Heatstroke. (Mine is older though and just uses fire, not a sword.) So...yeah...small world huh?

Anywho, I like this Heatstroke's sarcasm and quick wit. She's quick on her feet and overall pretty freaking badass.

However, I do think she should be more affected by things. The narration just kind of glosses over her feelings about things as she goes along. I know the show is for kids, and so they downplay a lot of the serious stuff. But I think it's okay to get a little darker when writing.

I'd also suggest a little more background. There's some traumatizing backstory, something to do with a fire or...something. We don't get a lot of information about it. The mystery is good, but after a while it just gets annoying, not knowing anything. People don't like vague. Besides, it's like the twentieth chapter (I think) so I think it's about time some things start getting cleared up.

The last thing, Heatstroke passes out a lot. Like...more than Jason Grace in Heroes of Olympus. It's good for your characters to be hurt, but this just gets annoying after a bit. I suggest cooling it with the passing out. There are other ways for your OC to lose a battle.

6/10

Cannon Characters

The canon characters are pretty good. Though, this kind of stories always follows the canon dialogue. Keeping it up, when the story strays on to its own path is much harder.

7/10

Writing Style

The writing style is a bit choppy in the beginning. The first few paragraphs in the first few chapters read sort of like a grocery list.

Example: She went to the store. She bought some stuff. She went home.

This is boring. The sentences need some depth, varying lengths. However, that being said, you want to go easy on the long sentences. If they get too long, people will get lost and lose interest. You need to find the balance between short and long sentences.

Also, avoid repeating words over and over. It's just more professional and makes it read more smoothly.

Last thing. I sort of mentioned in the OC section, but I'd suggest a little more detail -- internally and physically. You don't have to describe every little thing (that will bore people to death) but you need enough that people can easily picture the setting and the characters in their mind's eye.

The descriptions are really vague, like "it was big." and "She had red hair." It's hard to imagine what everything and everyone is supposed to look like, even if I had seen the cartoon. It's just lazy not to use description.

As for the internal description, this is important because it helps the readers connect with the characters. They need to feel like real people, they need to feel something from them.

Again, I know this show is written for little kids and they downplay it in there, but from a writing standpoint, it's just better for the characters to be more emotionally involved.

For instances, we could get more insight into how Superboy feels about being a clone. We could get more emotional/mental issues from Heatstroke due to her past. We could explore the emotions that go with being on the field and going through such hardships on a pretty much daily basis. These things are difficult for grown adults, never mind teenagers. (And remember, show don't tell!)

7/10

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *