41 Danny's POV
I hated waited for Tom to come home from therapy, despised it in fact. I wanted to be there for him, wanted to support him in any way I could, but he insisted on going by himself, with just Buzz in tow. He wouldn't let anybody else go with him, hell he wouldn't even let us drive him there or back again! Damn it wanted to be there for him, not to see here and wait!
"Danny, he'll be fine, like he is every week." Harry tried to stop me pacing.
"I know, I just... I want to be there." I couldn't explain it, I knew I couldn't help him, but I wanted to be by his side. I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone in this, that we could help. I wanted to know what he was working on this week, so I knew what to do with him. I just wanted to know what was going on!
"We all do, but he wants to do it by himself, it's a fair thing to want." Harry sighed, a pained look in his eye. He'd looked the same when he used to wait for Dougie to come back from his therapy sessions, he'd been a ball of energy, couldn't sit still for a minute. I almost caught him once chewing on his nails, something Harry never did.
"We have to let him be independent, to make choices for himself. He hasn't had that in a long time, I'm sure it's a part of recovery." Harry didn't look exactly convinced of that.
"But he's been independent since we found out what happened! This isn't a recovery thing!" I was sure of it, I was absolutely sure that this was still part of how Tom had been forced to behave.
"Maybe, maybe not, but we have to let him come to us. We can't force him to do things, even if it's things that either make us feel more useful, or like we're doing something to help him out. We have to let him ask for help, to gain some sort of confidence in asking for help." Harry explained, I knew that, I did. It still didn't feel right though, none of it felt right.
"He didn't ask us for help last time he was in therapy, or tell us what happened during sessions either." Dougie pointed out, "It's a really private thing, and a tough thing to go through. Sometimes you just want to hide it, pretend it isn't happening for the rest of the week."
"Apart from when you have something to work on." Harry continued.
"Apart from that, yeah. But the rest, it's sometimes better to not share with anyone but the therapist, until things are feeling less wonky." Dougie looked uncomfortable saying it, I didn't really blame him. He hadn't really ever felt comfortable talking about his own stint in the world of depression, he spoke about it when it was needed, and when he wanted us to know something, but mostly we pretended like it didn't happen... only we looked for signs for him slipping away from us again, just in case.
"Thing is though, did Tom not want to tell us anything the first time round because he didn't want to, or because his wife stopped him?" if his wife stopped him from going to therapy in the end, did she stop him from telling us anything further than the fact that he was in therapy?
"No idea, and maybe we'll never know. It's a different situation, a different thing being tackled, maybe he'll open up in his own time, when, as Dougie said, things are less wonky." Harry still didn't look like he believed what he was saying. None of us did.
For the millionth time, I cursed Tom's wife for doing this, for bullying him so much to turn him into who he was now. This wasn't right. He used to ask us for help whenever he needed it, he included us in what he was doing, hell he talked to us. He wasn't even talking to us now, not unless it was necessary. We knew nothing about what was going through his head, were having to guess at what his latest session was about, and had no idea on how to treat him. Some subjects seemed like a mine field, I was half scared to even talk about Buzz, in case I said the wrong thing and set him back.
It was like when he was ill, before he got his bipolar diagnosis. When he was depressed, Tom shut himself away, pulled away from us so much it was impossible to go any further. He did everything by himself, refused to let anybody get close to him, even if it was to suggest something. But this time, this time he wasn't arguing, he wasn't angry. He was just... subservient. There was no fight in him, no nothing. I hated it, I wanted him to argue, to question things, to push back when he needed to. At least then we had something to work with!
"He came back to us when he was ill last time, he'll come back to us now. Just give him time Danny." Harry sighed, not giving me much confidence in him at all.