Grammar

I'm just gonna jump right in because I have a bunch of reviews to get through.

At times there can be slightly too many periods, and a few times the commas are misplaced.

There should only be, at most, three periods at the end of a sentence. Though, it's best to simply use one. It makes the sentences appear much more professional.

I noticed a few sentences had a couple of words missing. I'm gonna go ahead and assume this is due to typing too fast/typos. Happens all the time. No writer goes without doing this. But it can easily be fixed with just some quick editing. And if you're one of those people, like me, who have trouble spotting their own mistakes, you can have someone else edit for you. There's also Grammarly, but I'm not sure if that helps with missing words.

Another thing I saw, and a lot of other people do it, is that numerical vs words thing with numbers. It's better to simply write the word out rather than using the numerical version.

One. Not 1.

Second to last thing. There are a few mistakes with capitalizing. A lot of people struggle with this too, so it's not a big deal. Again, editing apps or editors can help with this.

One last thing. There are a few instances in which words are used in the wrong tense.

Example: I wake up tomorrow morning.

English is a pain in the butt and extremely hard, so there's a lot of ways you could fix this sentence up.

For one: I am going to wake up tomorrow morning.

6/10

Plot

The plot was a bit confusing. The story starts off a little slow. So, I'm not exactly sure what the plot is yet. But, the book is only in its fourth chapter. These are the chapters in which everything is being explained, where the world is being built. We are only just meeting our MC and friends. So, this is fine for now, but the plot is probably ready to go soon. I'd say chapter 5 is a pretty good place for some heavy plot points...Or at least some kind of turning point. It doesn't have to be too big. You don't want to give away too much in the beginning.

5/10

OC

As far as I know, there weren't any ocs in this story. Correct me if I'm wrong and I'll fix my statement here.

N/A

Canon Character

Since I'm not very familiar with this fandom, I'm going to go ahead and assume you got them all in character.

10/10

Writing Style

Overall, I'd say the writing style is pretty decent. There's plenty of detail, and there is some really good background on the characters. There are a few sentences worded awkwardly, but otherwise, it's good.

9/10

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *