45 Tom's POV
Crap, crap, crap, crap! I didn't have a song, or any ideas, or anything we could work on together! I had nothing! Literally nothing! Not one single idea in my head! I was only up here to make it look like I was doing something productive, so I didn't look lazy, I didn't expect anybody to come and check up on me! What did I do?!
"So, wanna play me what you've got?" Danny asked, still giving me this eager look. Did he know that I had nothing? Was he waiting to catch me out? He was trying to catch me out, wasn't he? Damn it I was trying! I was trying so hard to do something right around here, I didn't want to be caught out for that too, like I was for everything else!
I knew they all thought that I was useless, that I was doing everything wrong. I was so lucky nobody had actually said anything, and instead had been incredibly encouraging, but still, I didn't like to be checked on like this! It made me feel even worse than usual, like I wasn't even to be trusted with doing something creative. Even if I wasn't doing anything, and was pretending, didn't mean that I needed to be checked up on!
"Erm, there isn't... it's just a few chords." I was desperately clambering for something, anything. A few chords that sounded good together, a few piano notes, anything at all would have done! But there was nothing, my brain was blank! It had been blank for months! I couldn't even remember the last time I had actually written a song was!
"That's alright, maybe it can spark an idea off in my head, and we can work on it together." Danny encouraged again, like it was completely fine that I had no ideas anymore. Like our livelihoods didn't depend on me writing something from time to time! Sure, Danny and Dougie improved it and made it sound good, but usually I had the initial idea, and I had nothing!
Somehow, I managed to blag a few chords, ones that sounded vaguely like ten seconds of a song. But it was rough, so very, very rough and very clearly off the top of my head. I cringed, waiting for Danny to call me out on it, to laugh at me for being so stupid, or for him to start screaming at me for being so useless, but he never did. He seemed to think for a minute, playing through what he'd heard in his head again, before standing up and sitting himself at the piano.
"It's good, but I think it may sound better on the piano, what were those chords again?" Danny asked... he what?
I rattled off the chords I'd played, watching him then play them out on the piano, luckily it was turned down quite far, so it wouldn't affect Buzz, who was asleep downstairs. Danny played through the chords a few times, getting used to playing them out, musing it over, before adding a few more of his own, building it up and up.
"I have an idea, come here a sec." He called me over, running through his thoughts, explaining his idea. We swapped places, him on guitar, me on piano, working out tunes and complementary chords, adding more notes in, eventually coming up with a workable tune that lasted three minutes and fourteen seconds.
"Yes! This is brilliant, I knew we'd work something out!" Danny grinned, clapping me on the shoulder.
"We did." I agreed, unsure of what to say to that. Danny had done most of the work, but he was acting like we had done it together the whole way through. And his was still touching my shoulder, his large hand resting there casually, like it was supposed to be there.
"I missed this recently, you know, just the two of us working together, creating music, just like we used to." The hand squeezed my shoulder. I wasn't... I wasn't used to that kind of thing. Nobody really... Buzz was the only person who touched me, and that was usually because I held him first, as per Natasha's instructions.
"I, I did too." was it okay to say that? Was I supposed to say something like that? I wasn't... I didn't know what was right and wrong anymore. She'd said that I was awful with social interaction, that it was a wonder that I had managed to find friends in the first place. Was I saying the wrong thing?
"We should do it again sometime, maybe come up with some lyrics for this song, or start another one together." Danny looked so hopeful... maybe I was doing this right.
"When, whenever you want." I shouldn't be dictating when he did things, it was up to him when he wanted us to work together again.
"How about tomorrow night?" Danny suggested, he was so close to me, so close, when was the last time someone had wanted to sit this close to me? When was the last time someone had wanted to spend time with me, full stop?
"Er, sure, yeah... sounds good." I could do tomorrow night, was more than happy to have another evening of writing together. It was productive, it was good, something I should have been doing. And the company wasn't bad either, as long as we weren't talking about how I was or anything like that, I was more than happy to have someone around.
"Great, I'll look forward to it." Danny squeezed my shoulder again.
"I, I will too." I would, I really, really would. I was so alone right now, felt so damn isolated. The few hours of company, and feeling useful for once, were a God send.
"Alright, well I'm going to bed then, so I'm ready to work again. Are you coming?" Danny asked, gesturing towards the door.
"Er," I was reluctant to let him go, to sever this connection. I hadn't had a proper adult conversation about anything other than Buzz and my feelings in so long, and hadn't been treated like I was competent in even longer. I didn't want to lose it now.
"Yeah, I'm coming down now." maybe if I just followed him downstairs, the connection could last a few more minutes. Just a few more, before the bubble burst.
Getting up, I grabbed the baby monitor, showing a still peacefully sleeping Buzz in his cot, and followed Danny downstairs, the both of us coming to a stop outside his room.
"Goodnight Tom." Danny leant in, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. I froze for a second, unsure on how to react. When was the last time I had been hugged? Why was I being hugged in the first place? What had warranted a hug?
"G-Goodnight Danny." Was the only thing I thought to say, and then the hug was over, and Danny went into his room, leaving me standing on the landing, confused as to what just happened.