Chapter 77-I Might Get Lucky
"Any Number Can Play"
A/N: Once again, I'm changing up episode orders with using this one before "Santa." The airing order makes no sense since Lee first meets Phillip in this episode, yet "Santa" aired before this one and he spent Christmas with the family. Also, because I reworked the order of prior season 4 episodes, that places "The Man Who Died Twice" right around Thanksgiving since that year, it fell on November 27.
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"Besides, I might get lucky," Lee smirked at Amanda who let out a little chuckle at his intentional double entendre. "What? You think I won't?" He set down his coffee cup and leaned in close to her.
"I think that depends on your meaning." She gazed up at him with a wicked grin as she ran her hands up the solid wall of his chest.
"Oh?" He lightly brushed his lips against her. "What meaning do you have in mind?"
"I think you know," she responded as she pulled him down to her for a blistering kiss.
Lee pulled her to her feet and backed her up against the credenza behind his desk, deepening the kiss, his tongue darting out to duel with hers.
Amanda pulled back breathlessly and gasped, "One of...these days...we're going to...get caught."
"I don't care," he growled as he captured her lips with his again and pressed against her. He ran his hand up her thigh and under her skirt, delighting in the low moan that escaped her as he did so. He lowered his lips to the tender pulse point at her neck while she worked at his belt and his pants to free him from their confines. "Ohhhh," he groaned as she began to stroke him, her touch setting him ablaze the way no woman had ever done. He pushed her panties aside and pushed into her.
"Lee!" she cried as he filled her. She looped her arms around his neck and clung tightly to him. "I love you."
"I love you," he whispered back hoarsely as the sensation of being inside her again began to take over all rational thought. He pulled down on her hips as he thrust up into her, wanting to bury himself as he deep inside her as he could. He would have liked nothing more than to take his time with her, but her words about being caught kept echoing through his mind. He knew she was right. At any moment, the phone could ring or worse...someone, probably Francine knowing their luck, would knock on the office door. "God, why can't I get enough of you?" He knew the happiness he felt in the moment would soon be over as drove deeper into her repeatedly until they were both wracked with the spasms of their release.
Through her heavy breathing, Amanda panted, "I keep...wondering...the same thing...about you."
While they tried to cool down, he peppered her face with tiny kisses and held her tightly, trying to make their time together last as long as possible. He hated that moments like this would be all they'd ever have...even after they were married. That thought stopped him cold. He extracted himself from her embrace and began hesitantly, "Amanda, I...um...I think we need to talk...I mean, about our future."
Sure enough, the phone rang before he could finish his thought. He let out a sigh and they both quickly straightened their clothing.
"Well, how was that for getting lucky," Amanda commented dryly with a roll of her eyes as she reached for the phone.
Lee shook his head, chuckling slightly at her joke, but inside he couldn't help feeling that even though they'd grown much closer and she'd agreed to marry him, still things would never truly change.
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Dotty stood in the open doorway of her daughter's room, watching her root through her closet for something to wear. "Going somewhere?" she questioned.
"Yes," she answered as she turned to face her. "I'm so sorry, Mother. I completely forgot that we have a film screening to go to tonight."
"We?" she inquired with an arched eyebrow. She had a sneaking suspicion she knew just who that "we" referred to.
"Yes, Mother, we. Lee and me," she explained. "You know...because we worked on it together."
Dotty nodded disbelievingly. "Uh-huh. What's it about?"
"Oh...um..." Amanda hedged. "I don't think you'd be very interested. We make documentaries, after all. Kind of dry stuff."
"Try me," her mother insisted. She was finding herself continually entertained by her daughter's numerous tall tales about her job and her relationship with Lee Stetson. "You know, I've always been interested in knowing just what it is that you do at IFF." She couldn't resist needling her daughter. She had long ago figured out that IFF was no film company and she knew her daughter would probably never come clean about that fact, but still it was fun to tease her about it just to see how outrageous each new batch of tall tales became.
"Mother, I've told you before that since I work for the government, I can't share with you everything about what I do."
"Not even what the film's about? I mean, there are secrets...and then there are secrets." Of course, she knew that even if Amanda ever did one day, reveal that she was really a spy, that she'd never be able to tell her anything specific about her work. She remembered vividly how when she'd first met Mr. Melrose, he'd impressed upon her the importance of keeping things to herself about Dr. Zernov's defection.
"It's...um...well, it's for the Department of Agriculture...on...tractors."
"Tractors?" Dotty rolled her eyes and bit down on her lip to keep from laughing at the ridiculousness of Amanda's latest fabrication.
"Yes, Mother, tractors...you know, tractors...what farmers use to-"
Dotty cut her off impatiently. "I'm well aware of what tractors are, Amanda." She shrugged. "I'm just amazed that anyone could find enough interesting information on tractors to make an entire documentary about it...or that there could be anything about tractors the government would consider classified." She couldn't help wondering if this wasn't just her daughter's way of honoring her request to check into Harry's background without letting her know about it. What she couldn't figure out is why she'd be hiding it from her...unless, of course, it wasn't about that at all. Was she still trying to hide her personal relationship with her charming co-worker? Or had something dire happened at the office that needed her immediate attention? Was there someone out there in some sort of danger whose life depended on Amanda and her partner?
"See? I knew you wouldn't find it very interesting," Amanda replied as she turned back toward her closet. "As for the secret part, well, that's just it...secrets are secrets for a reason." She turned her back on her mother as she dug through her closet for something appropriate to wear.
"Speaking of secrets, what I'm more interested in is the truth. Are you sure this isn't just a date with Lee? What happened, did he ask you out at the last minute?"
"Mother, no!" Amanda insisted, whipping around to face her mother again. "This is work." It wasn't, but how could she explain to her mother that she and Lee were investigating her new gentleman friend? Of course, she'd asked her to get some of her "government-type" friends involved, but how would Dotty West react if she knew that her only daughter was one of those "government-types?" She was sure that she'd be even more disturbed to find out that according to the research they'd already done, Harry Beaumont didn't exist.
"Well, I'll just leave you to get ready." Dotty sighed and trudged back down the stairs burning with curiosity over what her daughter may have already found out. Her mind was in turmoil as she paced through the den. Finally, to distract herself from her disturbing thoughts, she grabbed a deck of cards from the bookcase and began playing solitaire.
When Amanda descended the stairs a few minutes later, dressed to kill, they chatted for a few moments about her feelings for Harry, but she couldn't help taunting her daughter just a bit more. "Let me ask you a question."
"What is it, Mother?"
"Why are you wearing that," she gestured with her head to Amanda's dressy outfit, "when you're going to see a documentary on tractors?"
"It's the premier!" Amanda gushed just as the doorbell rang. Saved by the bell, she thought as she breathed a sigh of relief.
"Ahh...and a date with Lee Stetson," she replied knowingly.
Amanda rolled her eyes and responded pointedly, "Goodnight, Mother," then hurried to the door, hoping to head Lee off before her mother had a chance to invite him in and make the situation even more unbearable. It had been bad enough that her mother had been asking non-stop questions about Lee now that she'd met him. How many more questions would she hurl at Lee about this sudden film screening and why it was so last-minute?
Dotty shook her head as she watched Amanda once again sail out the door and muttered to herself. "On a scale from one to ten, he's an eleven and she doesn't wanna' date him." She turned back to her card game with a sigh. "Ugh, my daughter's crazy."
As Amanda slid into the passenger seat of the 'vette, she told Lee, "We may have a problem."
"Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of that. Did your mother figure out something about Harry that we didn't?" Lee inquired with a concerned look on his face as he got into the driver's side. "His real name, maybe?"
"Oh, no, not that...it's nothing like that. It's about...um...well, it's about us." She'd heard her mother's last words as she'd exited the house and it had concerned her a bit. Of course, her mother had presumed for awhile that there was something between then and she wasn't wrong, but was this really the time for her to start becoming even more curious when they'd decided to keep their engagement a secret.
"Oh?" he raised an eyebrow as he pulled the car away from the curb. "She hasn't figured out that we're engaged, has she? Did she find your ring or something?" He glanced briefly down at Amanda's bare left ring finger, a hint of sadness coursing through him that they couldn't share their happiness with anyone. He knew it hurt Amanda too that she couldn't tell her mother just how close they really were.
"No, but I had a very difficult time trying to explain why I was leaving the house all of a sudden and she assumed that it was a date with you."
"Hmm..." He pondered her words for a moment. "Is that really such a bad thing?"
She gazed at him with a sideways tilt of her head. "Sweetheart, you know that we can't just walk in there and announce that we're getting married out of nowhere. After three years of me denying that we're a couple, how would that look? Not to mention the fact that you haven't even met Phillip and Jamie."
"Well, maybe it's time that I did," he answered firmly in an attempt to start up the conversation that had been thwarted in the office earlier. "I mean, they're going to be my stepsons, right? Shouldn't I at least meet them before we get married?"
"Gee, I don't know. I mean, the whole reason that we were keeping things secret was to keep them safe, right?" She did have to admit, at least to herself, that he argued a good case. They were going to be his stepsons and she often felt herself bogged down with tremendous guilt for keeping that part of her life to herself. She hated lying to them, but if lying meant keeping them safe from harm, as a mother, then that was her duty. If they found out by some other means...she shuddered just thinking about that. Though she didn't know how they could possibly find out, she felt it was better to let them hate her for lying than to hate her because one of her or Lee's many enemies had put their lives in peril.
He nodded. "Yes, but look at tonight. I was finally able to just walk right up to your front door and ring the bell instead of lurking in the shadows. If anyone was watching, they'd already know that we're at least associa-"
"Okay, okay. I get your point," she conceded. "But I still think this is something we'd have to ease them into." She let out a deep sigh. "It's one thing to introduce them to you as my work friend or even my boyfriend than it is to just announce that we're engaged."
"Okay, so maybe we don't tell them that we're engaged...maybe just that we're dating. After all, we're not going to have to stay hidden forever, right?" Their close call last week had really gotten him thinking. What if they hadn't been able to clear Amanda's name and she'd been ousted from the Agency? They'd never have been able to see each other again, let alone get married; not if he still worked there and she no longer did. While there wasn't a specific rule preventing dating among co-workers, there were very specific rules in place about relationships with those who'd been fired.
"Right," she acknowledged, but with less confidence that she was trying to portray. She still couldn't help being fearful about the possibilities with what had happened to the Tran family, more specifically to the little boy, Kim. She could only imagine what Mrs. Tran had been going through. When speaking with her, she'd just kept seeing herself in that situation with Phillip or Jamie. She even wondered if she weren't being a bit selfish in wanting this career and had thought that maybe she should give it up to keep them safe so that she didn't have to give up the life she wanted with Lee and that he obviously wanted with her. She'd thought that maybe if there were only one spy in the family, like the Melroses, it wouldn't be as bad.
But then, she'd been suspended last week and that brought home to her just how much she did value her job and all the hard work she'd put into it. She reflected on the time that Lee had asked her why she kept doing it and she'd answered honestly that it was about making the world a safer place for her children. If this was the way to keep their world safe, that's what she'd do.
"What?" Lee jumped on the reluctant edge in her voice and startled her out of her thoughts. "You don't think we'll ever be able to live normally?"
"I...um...I just don't know," she admitted.
"Billy and Jeannie have made it work for years," he pointed out.
"Okay, yes, but Billy's administration, not a field agent," she countered. Even though she had just been thinking of Billy and Jeannie and how they'd been able to keep their family safe, she still wasn't sure that with two of them in the field, it could work that well.
"But look at what happened to him not too long ago with the Kalahari List," he reminded her. "Anything can happen, but he still was able to keep his family out of it."
"Well, I...I suppose that's true. We just never know what can happen," she conceded. She patted his hand consolingly. "We'll figure something out," she promised.
"Good." He smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. He hated that they weren't going to be able to have a normal marriage, but at least they could have something. Who knows? Maybe it could even work as a test run for fully coming clean someday. He knew that after years of being alone and being without a real family, he'd like nothing more than to have it all with her.
He reflected back on the events of the past few weeks and that long ago day when Amanda had asked him if he had somewhere to go for Thanksgiving. He'd been disappointed that now that they were a real couple, there'd been no such invitation this year. He'd spent Thanksgiving mostly alone until he'd sneaked into her backyard where they'd first discussed keeping their marriage hidden. This was just one more reason for him to hate holidays. Even now that he had someone, he was destined to spend them alone. Now, Christmas was coming up in another week and he imagined that he'd be spending it alone too.
As if sensing his thoughts, Amanda suggested, "You know, maybe you could come over for Christmas dinner next week." She had hated that she couldn't invite him in for Thanksgiving dinner with the family. She had wanted to, but she also knew how he felt about holidays. He liked them peaceful and quiet and Thanksgiving at her house would have been anything but. Not to mention that there would have been a million questions thrown his way as a first-time guest in their home. But maybe Christmas would be better. She was hoping that she could change his view if he could just see how joyous the holiday season could be, maybe even get him to be less grumpy about them. When he was silent, she added hopefully, "Kind of practice for the real thing."
"Maybe," he replied, unsure by her hesitant tone of voice if she were being sincere or only inviting him because he'd brought up the idea of them being more open with their relationship or worse, simply trying to appease her mother. He perked up a moment later as a thought struck him. "You know, you did say that your mother expected me to come to dinner sometime..."
"Well, then Christmas is the perfect time," she happily responded. Maybe there was hope for him after all.
Lee was still skeptical. "I don't know..." He let out a sigh. "Is...uh...Joe going to be there?"
Maybe not, she thought dismally. "Yes, of course he is. He hasn't spent many Christmases with the boys since they were really little, but what's that got to do with whether you come or not?"
"I just...I just don't want to feel like an outsider."
"Now, wait a minute! You were just complaining about how you hate being an outsider and now that I've invited you for Christmas so you won't feel like an outsider, you're complaining that you'll feel like an outsider if you come? Come on!"
"I just mean...with him there, it'll be awkward...like I'm a fifth wheel."
"It's will only be awkward if you make it awkward. Joe does like you, you know. Besides, having him there at the same time might be a good thing. Since he's the only one outside of the Agency who knows everything about us, he could act as a buffer with my mother."
"I guess that's true enough," he concurred. "Wait! He knows everything about us?"
Amanda flushed slightly when she thought of how much that "everything" would encompass. "Well, maybe not everything."
"Does he know we're engaged?"
"No, but I think he should. He does know that we're a couple...and a serious couple at that. Don't you think we should tell him?"
"Oh, look, here we are." He nodded to The Kennelly Club as he pulled up to the curb alongside the building grateful for the distraction from the current conversation. While Joe may like him just fine, he wasn't at all sure that he liked Joe's too-cozy relationship with Amanda.
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As Amanda stepped inside her house later that night, she let out a sigh when her mother asked her how the film was. She felt that she had no choice but to answer honestly. "There was no film, Mother."
"Cancelled for lack of interest?" Dotty quipped with a mischievous grin, recalling their earlier conversation. She knew all too well where her daughter's interest really was...a certain handsome co-worker. Her smile soon faded though when Amanda told her what she'd really been up to that night. Here she'd thought that Amanda was finally going to tell her, as she'd joked earlier, that it might have simply been a date with Lee that she just didn't want to admit to yet. She still found that funny. It was so obvious they were a couple, yet Amanda didn't want to own up to it.
Dotty's amusement had quickly vanished, though, as her daughter told her all the details about her adventures of the evening and what she'd learned about Harry. What was she to think about Harry now? He'd clearly not only been keeping his reckless gambling from her, but who he really was. He hadn't even told her his real name. What kind of man was he..and what kind of trouble was he in? Was he in debt to the mob...or was there something worse going on? She'd been hoping that by getting Amanda investigating, she'd be able to alleviate some of her worries about Harry, but now she had more worries than ever. Just what kind of a man had she gotten herself involved with. There was only one thing positive to take out of all of this...her daughter was finally opening up to her. She had to admit that had surprised her. She felt sure that she wouldn't have given her that information about Harry so openly. Maybe one day soon, Amanda would be comfortable enough revealing that she herself was one of those "government types," as was her long-time lover.
Dotty was even more surprised a few days later when shortly after she'd said her final goodbye to Harry, Lee Stetson showed up at the door and immediately introduced himself to Phillip. Her shock didn't end there, though. Lee presented her with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and insisted that she start calling him by his first name. For all her thoughts in prior years of this man being some sort of a cad who was just using her daughter for sex, he truly seemed to be a gentleman.
When Amanda came down the stairs, it became more obvious than ever that she'd been wrong about him. She watched the way Lee gazed at Amanda, the way his face lit up when she entered the room. He was clearly in love with her daughter and she with him. When he asked Amanda if she was ready to go, she couldn't help herself asking, "Is this another...uh...premiere?"
"No," Lee shook his head, still beaming. "Just dinner."
"Dinner." It took a moment for her brain to register that he was really here just to pick Amanda up for a date. "Dinner." She smiled and added, "That's nice." It really was. This was definitely a good sign that they were ready to take their relationship, whatever it was, to a more serious level. She couldn't help wondering if Amanda knew how in love with her he was. Had he confessed his feelings or was he taking it more slowly since their relationship had been, from what she could surmise, mostly physical. Since that were the case, was he afraid that she wouldn't take him seriously if he did tell her that he loved her? Or had they already both confessed their feelings to one another and this was their way of moving forward, by finally formally introducing him to the family? Would they one day get married? Would he want children of his own someday? Stop it, Dotty, she chided herself. You're getting way ahead of yourself. She leaned to sniff the flowers Lee had brought her and smiled, content in the knowledge that this was at least progress...for now.
As they stepped outside and walked out to the car, Amanda commented, "That was a very nice thing you did, bringing her flowers."
"Just seemed like the thing to do," he shrugged as he opened Amanda's car door for her. "I figured she'd be a bit blue with Harry leaving and all."
"And you're sure you're not just trying to suck-up to your future mother-in-law?"
He flushed slightly and admitted, "Okay, maybe a bit of that too." He walked around to his side of the car.
"Uh-huh. I thought so." She grinned at him when he got in. "It really bothers you, doesn't it? Keeping this secret?"
He shrugged nonchalantly. "My whole life has been about keeping secrets."
"Come on, Lee. This is me. You can talk to me." She knew something was bothering him, probably the same something that had been plaguing her. There just wasn't an easy solution.
"Okay, yes! It bothers me. In all the years that I've been alone, all the lies I've told, the secrets I've kept, I never thought that if I ever decided to settle down that I'd have to keep that a secret too."
"It's hard for me too, you know," she confessed. "I don't like lying to my family about you or hiding from my boys that they're going to have a new stepfather soon or from my mother that she's going to have a new son-in-law. Believe me, she'd be thrilled to know that I'm getting married again, but I can't help worrying about the danger."
Lee let out a sigh. "I know." Boy, did he know. He knew that if anything were to ever happen to the boys because of him, Amanda would never forgive him and he'd never, ever forgive himself. "But tonight...meeting Phillip...that was a nice start." While he didn't like things they way they were now, he did have at least some hope for the future.