guest - kudos and hit count is nice, but comments are still the best thing for a writer to see on their work!
54 Tom's POV
I didn't know how long I sat upstairs, watching Buzz sleep. I just couldn't look away from him, and really did not want to be any further away from him than I was right now. He was... that last therapy session had hit me hard, reminding me of how much my wife had said to me over the years, ever since I failed to write a song for him before he was born. I wanted to prove to him that I was here for him, that I loved him, that everything his mother had said wasn't true.
But I eventually had to go though, to get something done. I shouldn't have spent so long playing with him today, I should have been cleaning, or doing something productive. So, with a sigh, I got up, leaving the bedroom and heading downstairs to finish my work for the day. I still had to wash the floors, put away Buzz's toys, prepare our meals for the next day, and make sure that the bag was ready for tomorrow's therapy session.
With that done, it was gone 2am, so I gave up and headed to bed, sleeping restlessly. I never slept well before therapy, and today had been a very bad day. It shouldn't have been, but I should have been busy clearing up, like my wife always told me to do. Not indulging our son, especially not when he was busy with others. I shouldn't have listened to Harry, it was wrong, it was so wrong.
"Why would you say it was wrong?" Natasha asked, when I explained it the next day. She had asked, because I was acting anxious, she said we couldn't do anything unless I was clear headed.
"Because it meant that the house was in disarray! I should have been sorting that out, should have made sure that everything was prepared for today, instead of wasting time when other people were able to look after Buzz." I explained, "There's a time and a place to play with the kids, and that wasn't it."
"Why would you say that?" Natasha continued softly, why was she talking like that? Why wasn't she seeing the obvious here?!
"Because that's the rules, that's how things work. You prepare for outings, make sure that the house is clean and presentable for every occasion, and play with your children after all of that, not before." it was ingrained in me, I knew what I had to do, all the time. That was the routine, that was what I had to stick with, or everything would fall to pieces.
"Who told you that?" Natasha looked almost nervous to ask.
"My wife did." She knew that! She knew!
"And why did she tell you that?" Natasha was fiddling with her pen, but wouldn't look away from me.
"Because I wasn't doing it, and she wasn't going to do all the work herself." I answered, she refused to do everything herself, while I sat on my arse with the baby all the time, no doubt fucking him up.
"Okay, and after you started doing all this work, did she ever help out, or leave everything to you?" Natasha asked, I thought back, trying to remember how days used to work.
"Er, I never really saw her do much, apart from look after Buzz," I couldn't remember ever seeing her doing much but look after our son, but maybe I had been too distracted by whatever I was doing to notice.
"Did you notice her ever doing anything but looking after Buzz, did she ever help you? Or let you look after the baby while she did some housework? Or say you could do those things after he had gone to bed?" Natasha questioned.
"I, I don't understand, why does this matter?" I didn't understand why that mattered in the slightest. This wasn't helping me look after my son properly.
"I'm just trying to figure out what you're used to doing on a daily basis, so please, if you can, answer the question." Natasha pushed on, "Did she ever swap duties, or let you do it all after he went to bed?"
"N-No. She, erm, she made me do everything. Said... Said I'd be better doing the housework. It kept me away from Buzz." I sighed, hating having to repeat these conversations. It was uncomfortable, and just felt wrong to repeat. What if she saw the truth, or thought I was useless? I couldn't do this all myself, I really couldn't. I knew I couldn't. But I didn't want to admit that, I didn't want Buzz taken from me, I didn't want to prove my wife right for the thousandth time. Not about this, really not about this.
"Alright, and do you think that's normal?" Natasha was still looking at me.
"It is when one parent can't be trusted to do anything else." I hung my head.
"Have you heard of anybody else doing something like this?" Natasha asked, I shook my head.
"But you don't think that it's odd, to push one parent into just doing housework, because they may not be as natural as the other?" she continued.
"Yes." I was sure of it, it wouldn't be fair on a child to force them to endure terrible parenting, especially when it could mess with their minds.
"What if this was, say... Harry and Dougie have a child. And while Harry does more of the housework usually, he forced Dougie to do it all instead, once their baby was born? What if he made Dougie do all that, and never spend time with his son, because he wasn't as good a parent as he was?" no, Natasha... she didn't...
"No, because Dougie would be a great father, just as Harry would be. They're both incredibly good at looking after children." I'd seen it myself, they were brilliant with Buzz.
"But say Dougie wasn't, say that he wasn't good, and he made mistakes, would it be fair to force him to do housework instead of spending any time with his child?" Natasha pushed on.
"No, because he would love that child, and would want to spend time with them, and improve his skills until he became good." I answered, he would want to improve, and it wouldn't be fair on him to not allow that.
"So why is okay for you to be forced out like that then?"