Christine was avoiding his eye all throughout her lesson that day, he could tell. She had been out with her boy again last night, the thought of that caused Erik's heart to twist painfully but he knew he had no real reason for that. She was not his. She never would be, now.
His fingers stilled over the keys, her lesson finally over. He knew she would never be his, but he did miss the easy carefree connection the two of them had - used to have. It had been lost somewhere along the line in the past weeks, sometime around when that boy had entered the picture.
It was only to be expected, he reasoned. Was this not what he had wanted for her? All of her smiles, her little gossip, her bright eyes and tinkling laughter and playful banter were all for Raoul now, and oh, how that pained him in ways he couldn't have imagined previously.
But still, he felt a hollow desperation in his chest at this, and he must try.
"You and Raoul have been going out quite often lately," the words fell dully into space, the cheerfulness he had tried to inject into them failing.
She was looking right at him, finally, the first time today she had looked in his direction, so that was something at least. He pressed on, but couldn't find it within him to return her gaze.
"When the time comes, you must remember me, my dear. I would love an invitation to your wedding," he managed, just barely, to bite back the hopelessness he felt at hearing these words take form from his own mouth.
A soft sob escaped her lips, and he jerked around to face her at last.
A horrible thought had occurred to Christine a few weeks ago, and it had caused her such a pain that she had steadfastly refused to believe it could ever be true. But here were those very words hanging in the air between them, and all the sadness they signified and weight they carried came crashing down on her at once.
He was trying to rid himself of her. He no longer wanted to teach her but was afraid of hurting her, so he was trying to marry her off in the hopes that she would leave her music behind once she became a wife. How many other girls had she watched follow that same pattern? Promising talent that suddenly took the backseat to a romance that pulled them off the stage. There was no quicker way to end a girl's career on the stage than for a boy to propose to her.
It was too much for her. She pressed her hands into her eyes until she saw stars but still the tears continued to flow. Not only did he not love her, he didn't even want to teach her anymore.
"Christine! What's wrong?" concern colored his voice, and hearing that only made her cry harder at how sincere it sounded.
She swayed on her feet and Erik jumped up from the bench, afraid she might fall over. He reached out for her but stopped just short of touching her.
She closed the small gap between them, leaning against him. A moment later and he let his arms go around her gently.
"Dearest, please, tell me what's wrong," he pleaded with her. "You know I hate to see you cry."
"Could you not have just told me outright?" she manges to grit out between her sniffles and cries.
She knew that she shouldn't lean against him in such a manner, knew now that the hand rubbing circles on her back meant nothing, that his current concern stemmed more from his personal dislike of displays of sadness than out of true care for her. But she also knew that this chance to touch him would likely not come again, so even in the midst of her heartbreak and anger towards him for all his scheming plots and pretty lies, she pressed her face to his chest where she could feel the high flutter of his heart, let one arm slip around his waist as she pulled closer to him and gripped her other hand on his shoulder. She was mad at him, oh yes, but she couldn't help the little leap her heart made at feeling him like this. She still loved him, even if he felt nothing for her.
"Tell you what, Christine?" he was nearly begging her now. "What should I have told you?"
His heart was racing with her pressed so closely to him, and he could feel each and every dolorous shudder and hitch of breath as she continued to cry fiercely. He desperately wished he knew what to do, how to comfort her better, because something was terribly wrong and she surely wouldn't be able to tell him if she kept on in this way.
It wasn't until she felt his hand reach up and begin to pet her hair that her anger at him flared up once again, drowning out her sorrow. How dare he? How dare he try to pawn her off on Raoul and then stand here trying to pretend that he didn't know he was the cause of her tears? She let go of his shoulder and fisted her her hand in the fabric of his sleeve.
"You- you want me to go get married so you won't have to teach me anymore," her voice broke at the end, utterly betraying her.
Erik stilled and felt the very blood in his veins freeze.
"You know that if I get married I won't have time to sing, yet still you push me towards him. If you wanted to be rid of me so badly you should just come out and say it."
There was an odd hum in his ears as though he heard her words through through a thick layer of cotton. Did she really think that of him? What had made her think he wanted that? Time came back into focus once again and he hugged her just a little tighter.
"Oh Christine," he breathed. "Christine, no, it's not like that at all. I would never want to be rid of you, darling, I- I love-"
He nearly let those fateful words slip, nearly confessed his love of her, but he swallowed them back at the last second. He could not burden her with that.
"I love our lessons together, I love teaching you. I hope nothing ever changes that or comes between us, not even your boy. I just want you to be happy, Christine. That's all I've ever wanted."
She dearly wanted those words to be true, even if she did notice the glaring omission of her from the things he said he loved. But still, something was better than nothing, she supposed.
"You want me to be happy?" she whispered.
"Of course I do."
"Then why won't you believe me when I say that I'd rather- rather-"
rather be here with you
"Rather be singing than going out on a date with some boy? I was perfectly happy with the way things were."
"I am sorry, Christine."
It takes every last ounce of his willpower to keep from burying his face in her hair as he so longs to do. But that would be unseemly, and he was already pushing his fragile luck with his hands rubbing her back and caressing her long tresses.
"I wasn't paying attention, and I am sorry. I promise to listen to you better in the future."
In the future.
In the future.
So he was to continue with their lessons, it seemed. She suddenly became aware that their current position was quite unbefitting for a teacher and his student to be in. She hadn't cared a fig about that earlier when she thought she wasn't to see him again, but now it was different knowing that they would be continuing on with her lessons and she would be seeing him nearly every day. She pulled back from him quickly and he let her, only the briefest flicker of fear that he had done something wrong passing over his face, but she was far too self conscious to notice that.
"Please try to see that you do," she told him, smoothing down her skirts and staring at the floor.
Her face positively burned when she thought about how brazenly she had embraced him, but Erik was ever the gentleman and made no mention about it.
"Erik never meant to push you into something you didn't want, my dear. He can only hope that his meddling did not unduly complicate things for you with the boy."
She shook her head.
"No, things are going well with Raoul, actually."
Going well. Oh. Perhaps he would be receiving a wedding invitation after all.
"I see," he looked away again. "All the same I do apologize. Your lessons are my highest priority. I trust I will see you at our usual time tomorrow?"
Christine bit her lip.
"I'm seeing Raoul then. He's busy the rest of the day, that's the only time we could meet."
"Oh. Of course. No matter, it is fine. I will see you- later, I suppose. You know where to find me," he gestured vaguely at the walls.
She nodded. There was nothing left to say, so he slipped behind the mirror once more, leaving her in the stillness.