57 Tom's POV
It couldn't be true, my wife was always right, had always been right. What she did hadn't been wrong. She had been protecting our son from my bad parenting, I did all the housework, shopping, and everything else because it was the thing that caused less damage. Still caused damage when I screwed it up, but still considerably less than messing up parenting did. It wasn't wrong, it really wasn't wrong. Just because the same wouldn't be said for people like Harry and Dougie, didn't mean it was wrong for my wife and I.
I mean, she was the best person to look after the baby, she knew what to do, and how to do it right, while I didn't. I spoiled him too much, played with him wrong, wasn't home long enough to actually bond with Buzz in the first place. She was at home though, she was always at home, and she knew what she was doing. She could look after our son, and do it well. It was only fair that I do everything else, even if it wasn't a good enough job. Of course it was, that was how relationships worked, give and take, sharing out duties.
"Tom, if that were true, if she truly thought that you weren't capable of looking after Buzz, why did she leave him with you? Why did she go without him?" Natasha asked at the next therapy session.
"I, I don't know." I didn't... it didn't make sense, but there had to be reason, "Maybe it's all just a test. Maybe she's testing me, to see if I can learn to be a good parent." Yeah, maybe that was it. That had to be it, that was the only explanation that made sense, right?
"If it was a test, wouldn't she have come back by now? Or not left at all, so she could help you get better?" Natasha continued, she was speaking softly, like she was worried about what she was saying. Why was she worried? I didn't understand!
"No, because I'm infuriating when I'm trying to learn something. She knows this, after years of trying with me, she knows she can't stand me when I'm failing over and over. She probably left so I could learn without annoying her." that had to be it, it had to be. She wouldn't just leave me with our son, she wouldn't put him through that, unless it was for a reason.
"Tom, what did she say to you when she left? I mean, right before she left?" Natasha leant forward, not looking that menacing, but it still made me feel trapped. I couldn't, I didn't like how this conversation was going, I didn't understand what it was implying, or where Natasha was going with it.
"She said, she said that she had had enough of me, of me being absolutely useless. She, she was done with it all." With that, she had left, no matter how much I begged and pleaded with her.
"Tom, does that sound like someone who's testing you?" Natasha asked, still so soft.
"Y-Yes... No." It didn't, it didn't sound like a test. It sounded like she had left forever, and wasn't coming back. All because of me, all because of me being a stupid moron. Such a stupid, useless husband and father, I should have done better, I should have done so much better.
"It sounds like someone trying to hurt you, and hurt you really badly." Natasha continued for me, I didn't like where this was going, it didn't make sense, but there was something in the back of my mind screaming at me that this was making sense. That Natasha was getting at something very important, and very, very dangerous.
"She wasn't trying... I sometimes... harsh words sometimes help to motivate me to do the right thing." That was all, sometimes I needed to hear very harsh words to get something through my thick skull. She wasn't trying to hurt me deliberately, or anything like that.
"And how many times has she used harsh words against you, even when you're not arguing?" Natasha asked, what was she getting at?! What was she trying to say to me?! I didn't understand, even as the ringing got louder and louder, I didn't understand!
"I, not that... it was normal! It's normal for us, it isn't wrong!" it wasn't wrong, it was never wrong! It was how we worked, nothing more!
"Tom, how normal is it for someone's partner to shout abuse at them as motivation to do better at something? Shouldn't it be more gentle encouragement instead?" Natasha questioned, not for us, never for us. We weren't... we were different.
"O-Other couples don't usually involve someone as useless as me." it was how we worked, it was how we got on with things, it wasn't a bad thing!
"Using my example from last week, would you expect Harry to shout abuse at Dougie if he didn't do something to his standards? Would he refuse to let Dougie near their child, and constantly put him down?" Natasha kept on pushing, the alarm was screaming.
"No! Because Dougie has had problems with his health in the past, and because Harry loves him, he wouldn't do something like that!" wait, that didn't sound right. My wife loved me, I knew she loved me, that's why she stayed with me, she didn't... that wasn't what I meant!
"Wait, she did love me! She loved me, that's why she stayed for so long! She was trying to make me better!" I backtracked desperately, I hadn't meant to say that!
"Tom, think about it, did she really love you? Did she ever show you affection, or treat you kindly? Compare yourself to Harry and Dougie, your other friends, and their relationships, are they at all similar to what you experienced?" Natasha wasn't right, there wasn't... she was lying!
"No! No you're not right! You're lying!" she had to be lying, this all had to be a lie!
"What would I be lying about?" Natasha continued, still sounding so soft, but it didn't... I couldn't...
"About... I don't know!" I wanted this to stop, I needed this to stop.
"Exactly, I'm not lying about anything Tom, I'm simply asking you to look at things in a different light, a light that is hard to look into. Do you understand what I'm saying about your relationship with your wife?" Natasha made me shake my head, the alarm bells ringing so loudly I wanted to cover my ears, so I didn't have to hear any of this anymore.
"I'm really, really, so sorry Tom, but I do think that you were abused."