64 Dougie's POV
"Go on, ask." I whispered into the darkness.
"Huh?" Harry asked, playing innocent.
"You have another question you want to ask me, but you don't want to ask it because of what it's about." I explained, squeezing the arm that was wrapped around my waist, "So ask, get it over with before your head explodes."
"Alright, erm..." Harry shifted behind me, leaving a slight bit of distance between us. He liked being close during these types of talks, but with a bit of space, if not just for his own comfort.
"Did you, did you ever end up in denial, like Tom?" He asked eventually. I should have seen that question coming really.
"Not, not exactly. It was a different situation, wasn't it? I knew by that point that I had a serious problem, and that I needed help. There wasn't really a denial phase for me." there hadn't been, I'd known that I had a problem. My problem with that problem was that I had thought I had no other choice in the matter, that there was nothing I could do to change that. I had slight denial over being able to change things, but it wasn't anything like Tom. Absolutely nothing like Tom.
"Oh, I guess... Sorry, I just, I just wanted to ask. Just in case." Harry whispered again, his hand moving to hold my own.
"I know, I don't mind, you know that talking helps." I knew that, and so did he. My therapist had said that talking helped, that keeping secrets, or acting like everything was fine, only caused more trouble. Talking things through helped, made sure that everyone was on the same page, or at least well informed of what was going on.
"Yeah, I still don't like asking. I feel like I'm using you as a resource, and putting pressure on you to have all the answers." Harry sighed, leaning his head against my shoulder blade, his hair tickled my skin.
"I don't mind, we all know that I'm the one who's been in a slightly similar situation before, and know the ins and outs of therapy." Of course, Tom had been there before too, but he wasn't exactly a reliable resource right now, seeing as he was the one who's entire world had been turned on its head, "You have questions, and the internet can only give so much in terms of answers, naturally you're going to ask me." I knew the lay of the law right now, and was prepared to answer questions as best as I could.
"Thank you." Harry whispered, pressing a kiss to my spine.
"No need to thank me, I'm just doing what I can." I felt so helpless in this situation. I wanted to fix Tom and bring him back to his former glory, but had no clue on how to do that. So, I was doing the best I could in the situation, looking after Buzz, giving the kid a distraction, and providing answers when I could. And that was fine by me, I didn't mind doing it in the slightest. It made me feel useful, like I was actually doing something, instead of sitting on my backside doing nothing to help.
"You're not being useless Doug, you're doing a great job with helping in whatever way you can. None of us really know what we're doing here, but you're doing great." Harry whispered, squeezing me.
"So are you." Harry was the one who was keeping us all together, more than anybody else was. He was the one trying to keep his head together to sort out situations when they arose. It was important to have someone in charge, who could keep their head while the rest of us lost it. "You have the toughest job out of all of us, you're doing a great job." it sounded like such an empty thing to say, despite how true it was. It all just felt so empty. But he needed to know that he was doing a good job, that he was doing well and his work was appreciated. We couldn't carry on without some reassurance that we were doing well.
"I think Tom had the toughest job. Or Natasha does." that was probably more accurate.
"That may be, but you're still in charge of us all, and trying to keep us all calm can't be easy." Not when we all panicked, or Tom was acting weirder, or Buzz wasn't doing well, like he hadn't been last week. Sometimes Harry must have felt like he wanted to scream. I knew I did.
"It's worth it, and it hopefully won't be for too much longer. Once Tom starts getting better, things will be easier." Harry sounded like he believed that, I needed that, needed to hear his reassurances. It made it seem possible.
"I hope so." I whispered, kissing his hand.
"It will be. Once he accepts things, and starts to move on, break out of habits, get out from under her thumb, things will get easier." Harry promised.