Guys, did anybody see Tom retweet that video review of The Creakers, from someone called Bekka Addams? That was ME! AHHHHH!
67 Tom's POV
I'd been happy, we had been happy. We had... I had been happy, hadn't I? I had loved her, I knew that. But had I been happy? I couldn't... if I hadn't been, why did I stay? Why didn't I notice what was going on? How didn't I understand what was happening to me? I should have noticed; how couldn't I have realised that I was being abused? I was so stupid, so damn stupid. I didn't even notice that my wife had been abusing me all this time.
I had let her abuse me, push me around, treat me like dirt. I had let her do all those things, and never fought back once. Would I have let her do the same to Buzz? If she had been cruel to him, would I have let her beat him down too? Would I have noticed that either? Probably not. God I was so stupid. Who the hell let themselves be abused for so long? Who married their abuser? Who didn't even notice it until it was forcefully pointed out to them?
But we'd been happy, we had been happy. I'd been... I'd loved her. I still... I still loved her. And she abused me. She abused me, and I loved her. Who did that? Who fell in love with an abuser and married them? I didn't... I didn't understand. It didn't make sense. I shouldn't have... why didn't I notice? Why didn't I notice and do something about it? Why did I let her say those things to me? Why did I let her get away with so much? Why did I love her, trust her, want to stay with her? It didn't... I didn't understand, I didn't understand.
Nothing made sense anymore, I doubted every single second of our relationship. Was any of it real for her? Had she loved me at all? If not, why did she stay? Why did she abuse me so much? Did she even know she had been abusing me like that? She must have, but why did she do it? What was it about me that made her want to do something like that to me? What made her want to hurt me like this?
I'd tried to be a good husband, I really did. I had written her songs, given her gifts for no reason other than wanting to spoil her. I had kissed and cuddled her whenever I could, told her she was beautiful, I thought I made sure she knew she was loved. Sure I missed dates sometimes, or had to cancel time together, and wasn't home that much, but that was because of the band. She knew that going in, had always known that that was how things were going to be. So that couldn't be the cause.
Even when she was angry about that, I tried to make it up to her for it. I always tried to make it up to her, for everything I failed to do. But that also didn't explain why she treated me so badly. It didn't explain why she forced me into constant cleaning, refused to let me near our son, put me down for everything I did. It didn't explain that. Nothing explained that.
"It wasn't your fault Tom, none of it was. She was just... she was just a bad person." Danny tried to tell me, his hand on my knee as he said it. I hadn't even talked to him about what I was thinking, why was he saying that?!
"I clearly did something, as she only targeted me." I hissed, not caring about being rude to him, about any of that. Everybody was telling me, over and over again, that it wasn't my fault. That I had done nothing wrong in all of this, but clearly I had. There had to be an explanation for everything that had happened.
My wife only abused me, she was not mean, or cruel, or even rude to anybody but me. She never laid a finger on our son, or anybody else we knew. She was so nice to everyone around us, but with me, she was nasty, and cruel, and manipulative. There was something wrong with me to make that happen. I had clearly done something to incur her wrath, to make her hate me so much. No amount of platitudes from my band mates would change that.
I had done something, to make her act like that. I had made her hate me, had made her change from that sweet person she had always been, and into the abuser she had turned into with me. There was something wrong with me, and I needed to know what it was. I needed to know, so this never happened again, so I never made someone so angry at me that they decided that they wanted to abuse me and change me into someone they could stand.