A/N: This chapter is the first one so far to be a direct continuation of the one before it. Like I said at the beginning, this time around I was trying to explore different conflicts with each chapter. Chapter 1 revolved around Tweek, Craig, and Lapis. Chapter 2 was a continuation of what was established in Dorito Elect. Chapter 3 built on developments from the end of South Park's most recent season. The Christmas special was… a Christmas special. So far, this has all been a really big experiment. I like this style of writing a lot, because it A) lets me throw a bunch of shit at the wall to see what sticks, plot-wise, B) allows me to build on things I like and drop things I don't like, C) lets me write for characters I wouldn't normally write for (specifically, I realized I almost always only wrote Peridot-centric stories and resolved to change that) and D) pushes me to write longer chapters in order to resolve single-chapter conflicts neatly.

The plot of Chapter 4 was actually this story's original main plot. The whole thing was gonna be a send-up of the Coon & Friends episodes, as well as the most recent video game, but I just didn't have enough material to make that interesting, so I scrapped most of it and instead dedicated two of this story's chapters to it.

What else… a quote from Shattered Memberries was on the fanfiction_txt Twitter account, which is pretty funny if you ask me.

As for the comment from CI regarding the Swatting jokes… I get where you're coming from, man, what happened there was pretty messed up. This chapter sort of revolves around that topic, the intent was to satirize people who point fingers or rationalize shitty behavior when something like that happens, rather than the tragedy itself.

Anyway—let's get into the chapter.

FREEDOM PALS—INFINITY WAR

PART 2

PRE-EMPTIVE SWATTING

The Marsh family all sat down for dinner. They all now wore color-coded jumpsuits, a mandatory uniform established by the New Chaotic Regime. Everyone else seemed pretty annoyed, but Randy didn't seem to care at all. "So, how was everyone's day?" he asked, after a long period of awkward silence.

"Shitty," Stan grumbled. "Ever since Butters took over, this town has fucking sucked!"

"Oh, come on, Stan," Randy rolled his eyes. "It isn't THAT bad! We're all still alive, aren't we?"

"That's a really low standard, Randy," Sharon commented.

"I'm just saying, everyone's been complaining about how shitty this new leader is gonna be, but has he started World War III yet?" Randy asked. "Well? Has he? No, he hasn't. The MEDIA is being really negative, that's what the problem is. It's the MEDIA'S fault." Stan groaned, pushed his plate forward, and got out of his seat. "Stan, where are you going?"

"To bed."

"Oh, okay, just as long as you aren't going out," Randy said, glancing at the clock. "Curfew started twenty minutes ago." Once Stan was gone, Randy went back to eating. "So, how was everyone else's day?"

Suddenly, the police charged the door, and surrounded the family. "Nobody move!" Sergeant Yates yelled. "Park County Police! Put your hands where I can see them– hey, wait, this isn't a hostage situation."

Shelley and Sharon both raised their arms up in alarm. "Jesus Christ, dad!" Shelley yelled. "What the fuck is going on?!"

Randy glared at the cops and slammed his fork on the table. "Oh, god damn it, are we being Swatted?!"

"Oh my god, that's the third time tonight," Yates said, placing his hand on his forehead. "This is really embarrassing."

"Who Swatted me?!" Randy demanded. "I want to know who did it! That is NOT funny!"

The Tuckers' dinner was almost perfect. Despite the oppressive regime set in place by Supreme Commander Chaos and the Vice Peridot, Laura Tucker still managed to get her family to enjoy their family life. They ate, talked, and generally ignored the fact that security robots roamed the streets. Thomas looked at his son. "So, Craig. How's Tweek been doing?"

"Well, dad, last week the President tweeted that his dick was bigger than Kim Jong Un's," he said. "So not great."

Suddenly, several cops stormed the room. "Park County Police!" Sergeant Yates yelled. "Put your hands where I can—son of a bitch, this isn't a hostage situation either."

Thomas glared at Yates. "Oh, hell no," he said, standing up and walking to the door. He marched out onto his yard and glared at Randy Marsh, who was staring at him from several houses down. "Marsh!" he yelled. "What the hell are you doing?!"

Randy glared back. "Fuck you, Thomas, I know you Swatted me just now!"

"Yeah, it was a pre-emptive Swat!" Thomas yelled. "I knew you were going to Swat me, so I Swatted you first! Self-defense, asshole!"

"Self-defe-? It's not self-defense if you do it first!" Randy argued. "I only did it because you did it! THAT was self-defense!"

"People, people, please!" Yates said, getting in between the two dads. "First of all, you all should- should probably stop Swatting each other. Okay? I know you guys think it's a real funny prank, but it's not. It's serious, and it's getting people hurt. Nobody wins a Swat war. People have died from this shit. Second of all, Supreme Commander Chaos's security robots are gonna throw a fucking fit if they see civilians out after curfew so just… just go back inside, okay?"

"Fuck you, Yates, this is your fault," Randy said, turning his attention to the police officer. "If you fucking COPS weren't so trigger-happy, Swatting wouldn't be a big deal!"

"I- Okay, I think you're missing the point," Yates said. "Swatting is bad. Full stop. You shouldn't do it just because it's generally a really shitty thing to do, and I think by pushing the blame on people like ME, you're absolving the actual Swatter of any wrongdoing."

"Well the SWATTER'S not the one pulling the trigger!" Randy argued. "YOU GUYS should be more careful!"

"Look, when you're going into a potential hostage situation, you have to be prepared for anything," Yates explained. "We have to be on full alert. We can't just ANTICIPATE the call being a prank. Which is why, and I CAN'T stress this enough, my job and your lives would be a lot easier and safer if you just… you know. Stopped Swatting each other. It's actually really easy, all you have to do is NOT Swat people. Takes zero effort."

Randy glared at Yates. "You know what ELSE takes zero effort? Not shooting people."

Craig stared out the window and watched his dad argue with Stan's dad. He sighed, and walked up the stairs to his bedroom. His mother watched him enter his room.

"Goodnight, hon!" she said.

"Goodnight, mom," Craig replied as he shut the door. As soon as he was sure his mom was gone, he marched over to his desk and grabbed a little sheet of notebook paper, on which he'd scribbled the letter "S". Placing the sheet over his chest with a piece of Scotch tape, he then sat at his computer and opened a video chat. "Toolshed," Super Craig greeted. "What's the plan?"

"I don't know, dude," Toolshed muttered. "Timothy still hasn't discovered the whereabouts of Commander Chaos, Vice Peridot, or Chaotic Quartz."

Suddenly, the Coon joined the chat. "Super Craig! Toolshed! The Freedom Pals are having a meeting in the Coon Lair. We need you there ASAP."

"Got it," Super Craig nodded.

The team convened in the Coon Lair. Toolshed noted when he got in that the Crystal Gems were standing in the basement as well. Pearl looked very, very, very annoyed, but Garnet and Amethyst just looked bored.

"Ah, good, everyone's here," Coon noted. "Then we can begin."

"Actually, we're waiting on one more person," the Human Kite corrected. "She should be here any minute."

"No, no, I'm here," the girl could be heard saying from upstairs. Coon raised an eyebrow.

"That sounds like…"

Heidi Turner made her way down the basement, holding a manila folder with a thick stack of papers within. Once she was at the bottom of the stairs, she glanced around at everyone at the table. "Is this everyone?"

"Yeah, this is everyone," Toolshed nodded. "Everyone except Mysterion."

Coon glared at Human Kite. "Dude. Why did you bring my ex here?"

"She told me she could help us figure out where Butters is," Human Kite shrugged. "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that it's super awkward!"

"You're MAKING it awkward."

"I'm–no I'm not, shut up, Kyle, she's staring."

EVERYONE was staring. "Are you done?" Heidi asked. "I'd like to get this over with."

"Yeah, no, it's kewl," Coon said, not making eye contact. "Um, how long is this going to take?"

Heidi rolled her eyes and opened the folder. "Okay. So. Call Girl briefed me on all of Professor Chaos's previous hideouts. We know he has a garage at the U-Stor-It near SoDoSoPa. We also know that he briefly ran his operation out of an abandoned Circuit City near the mall." Heidi looked around at everyone at the table, and noticed Eric was looking in the opposite direction. "Coon, this is important, you're going to want to pay attention."

"I-I'm listening!"

Heidi stared at Eric for a moment longer before returning to her speech. "Anyway, we ALSO know that Butters' dad hasn't seen him since last week, so we know he hasn't been to his house since then either. You guys all checked U-Stor-It and Circuit City, right?" The table muttered variations of 'yes' or 'yeah'. "Alright. So his previous hideouts are off the table."

"We already KNEW that," Tupperware said. "Why don't we—"

"Let me finish," Heidi interrupted. "With his past hideouts eliminated, we can now turn our search to some less obvious locations." She pulled out a marker and walked over to a whiteboard, which had a crudely drawn map of South Park on it. "Vice Peridot's been building a robot army. So wherever they are, they need a LOT of spare parts. Computers, metal, all that stuff. We can surmise that they left Circuit City precisely because they ran out of materials to use. So where else could they be?" she asked the table. "Come on, think about it. What's the one place where Peridot can work in a lab environment with lots of spare parts, without being bothered by society? An environment that she, a former kindergartener, would be even remotely familiar with?" Heidi walked over to the far end of the board and circled one spot in particular. "The lab of Dr. Alphonse Mephesto," she concluded. "Butters, Peridot, and Steven Universe are hiding out at Mephesto's genetics lab."

Amethyst raised her eyebrows. "Whoa. She's good."

"The genetics lab, of COURSE!" Pearl said, astonished that a nine year-old girl thought of it before she did. "Of COURSE Peridot would go there! She probably already knows how to use most of the equipment."

The Coon slammed his fist on the table. "That sneaky bitch! Alright, Freedom Pals! To the genetics lab!" He and his teammates stood up and ran up the stairs.

Garnet pointed in their direction. "Crystal Gems! Follow the Freedom Pals!" They, too, ran up the stairs, leaving Heidi in the basement. Once she was sure everyone was gone, she pulled out her phone and made a call.

"Commander? This is Punished 'Venom' Skank," she said. "The Freedom Pals and the Crystal Gems are walking right into your trap."

"Excellent," Butters replied. On the other end, he was playing with his action figures—a Star Wars figure, and one based on the appearance of a YouTube sensation—while Peridot and Steven watched. "Soon, I will finally be rid of the Freedom Pals once and for all! Muahahaha!"

"What is the point of this game?" Peridot asked, referring to the action figures.

"O-oh, well, sometimes it's fun to imagine that Shirtless Kylo Ren and Logan Paul teamed up to do evil stuff," Butters explained. "See, look? 'Muahahaha! Let's go to the forest and take pictures of dead bodies!'"

Peridot narrowed her eyes. "This game seems overtly simplistic and nonsensical."

"That's what makes it fun!" Butters exclaimed enthusiastically. "Chaotic Quartz, back me up on this."

Steven glanced between Butters, Peridot, and the action figures. "Um."

"What's wrong, Steven?" Peridot asked.

"When are we gonna… you know. Stop being dictators and go back to being good guys?"

"Steven. We aren't DICTATORS," Peridot argued. "The people of South Park are still free to do as they please."

"You have robots patrolling the town."

"Robots that don't do anything. All they do is move around aimlessly."

"You have some Canadian guy going around telling people he's gonna 'tell' on them."

"Scott has no authority over the townspeople whatsoever."

"And you're setting up TRAPS for Crystal Gems!"

"Traps are fun!" Peridot giggled, standing up. "Steven, it's all MAKE-BELIEVE. You know I would never intentionally hurt anybody, right?"

"Well, yeah, not INTENTIONALLY."

"So just let loose and have fun with it!" Peridot encouraged, grabbing Steven and pulling him in closer. "I promise, when this is all over, we're going to put everything right back the way we found it."

"Okay…"

Dr. Alphonse Mephesto approached the villainous trio. "Okay, you kids need to find somewhere else to conduct your hostile takeover."

"Aw, why?" Butters asked.

"I've just been contacted by a businessman in Canada," Mephesto explained. "He's going to give me a very large scientific grant, which would fund this lab for several years if I conduct a complex genetic experiment for him."

"Aw, hamburgers."

"When do you need to start this experiment?" Peridot asked.

"Next week."

"Oh, we'll be gone by then, don't worry."

"Oh, well, okay, then." Mephesto left the villains to their work.

The parents of South Park convened in the community center once again. Everyone was angrily rabbling about another problem they were having. Anyone else feel like this sort of thing happens way too often?

Mayor McDaniels approached the podium. She almost IMMEDIATELY struck a political deal with the new dictators, so she carried a higher rank, signified by the badge on her breast that said 'IMPORTANT' in big, bold letters. "People, people, please!" she tried to calm the crowd down. "I know you're all very upset about recent developments, but if you could all just STAY CALM-"

"How can we stay calm when SOME PEOPLE are going around Swatting everybody?" Stephen Stotch yelled. "RANDY Swatted me twice this morning!"

"Only because you Swatted me first, Stephen!" Randy argued back. "And then Thomas Swatted me, so I Swatted him, and then the DONOVANS got all paranoid and started Swatting people left and right!"

Roger Donovan stood up. "It's called a Pre-emptive Swat!" he yelled. "If people are gonna try and Swat me, I'm gonna Swat them before they even get a chance!"

"Can everybody please stop Swatting each other!" Mayor McDaniels yelled angrily. "It's making the whole town look bad!"

"He started it!" the entire town shouted in unison.

"I'm just saying, people only want to Swat each other because they think other people want to Swat each other," the Mayor said, still glaring at her constituents. "So if you all would just KNOCK OFF the Swatting, we wouldn't even have a problem here."

Suddenly, the doors were knocked down, and the entire police department ran in. "Hands where I can see them!" Sergeant Yates yelled. "This is the Park County—oh, god damn it!"

The Mayor sighed. "Alright. Who did it?"

After a moment of silence, Gerald Broflovski raised his hand in shame.

"Gerald, I'm gonna Swat the FUCK out of you later," Randy threatened.

The Freedom Pals and the Crystal Gems arrived at Dr. Mephesto's lab. The building loomed ominously over the town, perched atop a high hill which easily made it the highest structure in South Park. The Coon approached the gate, and hit the buzzer to broadcast his voice inside. "Butters, we're here to kick your ass!" he yelled. "Give it up, we know you're in there!"

"Maybe nobody's home," Super Craig proposed. "We should probably come back later."

"Bullshit," Toolshed dismissed. "He's in there. Come on, guys, let's get in there."

"Wait!" Garnet yelled, stopping the children from entering. "Look!" She pointed to the gate, which had a long wire going across it. The wire was stretched so far, it looked ready to snap at the first bit of force. "The gate is booby-trapped."

Mosquito started chuckling. "Hehe. Heh. Booby."

"Since when is Butters smart enough to set up traps?" Human Kite wondered aloud.

"I don't think he did," Pearl replied. "I'll give you three guesses as to who did it. Here's a hint—she's in a LOT of trouble when this is all over."

Wonder Tweek approached the wall. "I guess we're just going to have to climb over," he said. "Super Craig, come give me a boost."

"On it." Super Craig walked over to the wall and got in position. Wonder Tweek placed a foot on Craig's hand, and Craig lifted, sending him high enough up to grab onto the ledge. Tweek climbed over the wall, grunting as he did so, and dropped onto the floor once he had cleared the wall.

Once Tweek was on the other side, he examined the trap on the gate. "Jesus Christ!" he yelled. "There's a bomb! This shit's rigged to explode!"

The Coon raised his eyebrows. "Wow, dude, Peridot's hardcore."

"Disarming that right now is too dangerous," Garnet said. "Everyone's going to have to climb the wall."

Toolshed walked up to Call Girl. "I'll help you over the wall," he offered. Call Girl just shrugged and pulled out each of the selfie sticks she used as weapons. She used them as picks to scale the wall, did a backflip once she was at the top, and landed flawlessly on the other side. She walked over to the gate and stared at Toolshed. "Try to keep up, Stan," she teased, before turning around and walking towards the lab.

"Dude, ice cold," Coon said as Toolshed watched Call Girl leave.

"Yeah, whatever, Cartman, she's just playing the part," Toolshed dismissed as he began to scale the wall.

Once everyone was over the wall, they regrouped in front of the building. "Okay team, here's the plan," Toolshed announced. "We're gonna go in there and kick Butters' ass. Any questions?"

Amethyst raised her hand. "Ooh! Ooh! Can we kick Peridot's butt, too?"

"Feel free to kick the shit out of anyone and everyone," Coon clarified. "Remember guys, in Batman v. Superman, Batman totally killed people and branded them with irons and shit, so it's cool now."

"I thought that was a dream sequence?" Human Kite said, tilting his head.

"No, no, he SHOT people in the dream sequence," Tupperware corrected. "In the real world he, like, hit people with his car and stuff. And he totally still branded them."

"Didn't Superman kill all those people in the first scene?" Super Craig asked.

"Yeah, no, that's WHY Batman wants Superman gone," Coon explained.

"I thought Batman wanted Superman gone because he was on his turf," Toolshed said. "Batman's a petty hypocrite, after all."

Pearl groaned, and placed a hand over her face. "We're going to be here a while…" she muttered.

Steven watched uncomfortably as Butters and Peridot took turns drawing on a whiteboard, which contained a very detailed map of South Park. "So… what exactly is your GOAL here?" he asked.

Peridot answered with a vague, noncommittal grunt and a shrug. "To spread chaos?"

Steven glanced at Butters. "You're creating chaos by installing a rigid dictatorship," he said flatly.

Butters frowned. "Well, hold on, when you say it like that…"

"I'm just saying, nothing about this is really all that… 'Chaotic'."

Peridot nodded. "Mhmm. Chaotic Quartz is right. If we want TRUE chaos, we have to be ELECTED to these positions." Peridot frowned as well, then gripped her gem. "Ugh, I don't want to do another election right now…" she groaned.

"Are you okay?" Steven asked, now concerned.

"My headache is setting in again."

"You've been getting headaches a lot, lately…" Steven said. "Maybe you're getting sick?"

"Please. I don't get 'sick'," Peridot scoffed. "Running an evil regime is stressful. I'm likely suffering from Acute Overwork Syndrome."

"You made that-"

"I DID NOT MAKE IT UP!" Peridot cut him off.

"I'm googling that."

"GOOD! Do it! It's super real, you'll see!"

"It's not real."

Peridot's brow furrowed. Now SHE looked worried. "All of my sisters on Homeworld told me it was…"

Steven glanced at his phone to check the time. 1:26 AM. He yawned. "So, uh, when did you say you were gonna be done with this?"

"We didn't."

"Mm."

One of Professor Chaos' minions, General Disarray—known to most as "Dougie"—entered the room. "Commander Chaos!" Disarray exclaimed. "The Freedom Pals have arrived at the research lab. They're out front now!"

"Wow, that was fast," Peridot said.

Steven managed to make a tired smile. "Good, this is all going to be over reeeeal soon," he yawned.

"Don't be so sure, Quartz!" Butters said. "Those fools may have made it past my first trap, but they'll never get past… my second trap!"

"How many traps did you make?" Steven asked.

Peridot thought about it for a moment. "Seventy-three."

Steven groaned and passed out right there. He was too tired for this. He'd deal with it in the morning.

Dreams were a funny thing. Most of the time, when Steven dreamed, he didn't even know it was happening. It all feels so real—which is impressive, considering most of his dreams involve flying dogs.

This was not one of those flying dog dreams. Everything felt realer than real. There were no flying dogs, no magical ponies, no cats that farted rainbows, no Uncle Grandpas. All Steven could see… was an angry mob!

He wanted to run. He tried to run, but his feet wouldn't move. They got closer. Why wasn't he running? They were almost upon him, now, and he could make out their faces. Beady eyes. Flappy heads. Everyone. They were all after him. Why was he just standing there?!

"So, you decided to face us, buddy?" the leader of the mob said. "Do you think we're just going to let you go after the things you did to Canada?!"

"You're all making a very big mistake," Steven said. Wait. That wasn't Steven. That was not Steven's voice.

"The only mistake we made was allowing you into this country in the first place, guy!" the Canadian man retorted. "Why. Why did you do it?! What did we ever do to you?!"

"I can't expect you all to understand," the voice responded. It sounded like… "After all. You're only human."

The man shouted, "Get her!" and the crowd lunged out.

Steven—not Steven, somebody else—summoned her shield. One Canadian jumped onto it. This was…

This was…

"Mom!" Steven exclaimed, jolting awake. "Agh, I… what?" What the hell was that about? he wondered. He looked around. He was no longer in the room Peridot and Butters used to plan their empire. He was in bed. Not his bed, mind you, but a bed. Peridot and Butters must have moved him here after he fell asleep.

He looked a little closer. Photos of Dr. Mephesto and a young boy, probably only seven or eight, decorated the room. On a shelf, he spotted a silver trophy. He got up and examined the engraving.

TERRANCE MEPHESTO

Second Place

South Park Elementary, 1997

Awarded for exceptional performance worthy of a runner-up prize in the 1997 Science Fair conducted by Mr. Garrison's Third Grade Class.

Beside it was another photograph, of the boy Steven presumed to be Terrance.

"I believe that was the year a student crossbred an elephant and a pig," Steven heard a man say from the doorway. He turned, and saw Dr. Mephesto standing there, leaning on his cane. Mephesto joined him in admiring the award.

"Is this your son?" Steven asked.

"He was my son, yes."

"Was?"

"He's no longer with us," Mephesto added.

Now Steven felt bad. He was sleeping in this man's dead son's bed, which probably hadn't been slept in for years before tonight. "O-oh, jeez. I'm sorry."

Mephesto shrugged. "I've had a long time to grieve. I'm finally ready to return to my work."

"It doesn't matter how much time has passed," Steven said. "That's still really sad."

"Yes. Yes it is." Mephesto paused for a moment. "Steven. Those Crystal Gems, the ones who are about to enter my lab. They are your caretakers, yes?"

"Yeah, they are."

"Hmm. Small world."

"You know them?"

Mephesto shook his head. "Them? No, no. I only knew one of them. Big lady, big pink hair."

"My mom…" Steven muttered.

"You know, Steven, your family… might not be your closest allies forever," Mephesto said. "It seems to me that you and Peridot don't seem to get along very well."

"That's not true, we get along great," Steven argued. "Uh. Usually. This is… different. She's not usually like this."

"Forgive me for making assumptions, but is this… not the first time you've been turned off by the moral values of someone you care about?"

Steven thought about it. It definitely wasn't. The Crystal Gems did shady things all the time. The difference here was that this was probably the first thing Peridot did since joining the group that he felt was "bad". She and Lapis were usually the ones Steven could go to when he was pissed off that the "main" Gems seemed to be hiding something from him, or doing something morally questionable. They were always so open, and it was usually all laughs when them.

Then shit got real. Lapis left, Peridot moved back into his bathroom and became a depressed little sack of sadness, he was pretty sure Peridot abused Member Berries when he wasn't looking—Lapis likely took a whole bunch into space with her, too—and it seemed like everything was just sort of falling apart. THAT was what upset Steven the most. It seemed like everything was changing, and not for the better.

"Boy, you people sure do like to sit silently for awkwardly long periods of time," Mephesto commented.

"Uh- Sorry!" Steven apologized. "I spaced out. I was… uh… thinking. What did you mean? When you said… the Crystal Gems won't always be my allies?"

"I give that advice to every child I find who has a loving family."

"Because you're mad at the world over your son's death?"

"Because I'm an evil scientist who enjoys destroying dreams, it has almost nothing to do with Terrance's tragic and untimely death."

Steven frowned. "Huh."

Pearl sat against the wall with an annoyed look on her face. Her hand covered her eyes, and her lips were formed in a stank face that could rival the President's. "No, no, no," she could hear Toolshed yelling nearby. "Batman didn't kill Superman with the Kryptonite. Superman was killed when he was hit by a nuclear missile in outer space!"

"You're wrong, asshole!" Coon yelled back. "Superman died when Batman punched him with the Kryptonite gloves."

"You're BOTH wrong," Super Craig interjected. "Superman died because he used the Kryptonite to kill himself and the monster Lex Luthor made out of General Zod's DNA."

"Why did Lex Luthor have hair in that movie?" Wonder Tweek asked. "Lex Luthor's supposed to be bald."

"He IS bald," Call Girl said. "At the end of the movie he got his head shaved. Remember, he went to prison at the end?"

"Oh yeah," Kyle said. "Man, that movie sucked."

"Can we PLEASE get a move-on?" Pearl finally spoke up, having had it up to here with the children. "All you've done is argue about DC movies for the last half hour. We haven't even entered the building yet!"

Silence. The boys all glanced at each other and shrugged. Amethyst was the one to break the silence. "What was the deal with Suicide Squad?" This caused the entire group to break out into more arguments. Pearl groaned.

"PLEASE, can we argue about this later?!" Pearl yelled.

"Pearl, let the kids be kids," Garnet scolded. "Not everything has to be so serious."

"THAT FUCKING TATTOO ON JARED LETO'S FOREHEAD!" Coon whined. "Why? Why did it have to be there?"

"Pearl is right, everyone," a disembodied voice interrupted. Everyone stared at Doctor Timothy, who was telepathically projecting his voice into everyone else's minds.

Except for Pearl, who had no imagination and therefore was immune to telepathic communication.

"We have a mission," Timmy continued. "We can't afford to get distracted, or all of our effort will be for naught."

"Timmy's right," Toolshed admitted. "We have to push onwards."

Pearl stared at Timmy. "He didn't say anything."

"Timmy!" Timmy said, grinning at Pearl.

The group finally entered the building. Mephesto's entrance hall was large, sophisticated, and almost NOTHING like the boys remembered it being when they first met the mad scientist. "Wow, he redecorated," Super Craig said flatly.

Suddenly, a balding, middle-aged man in a polo, slacks, and glasses approached the group. "Welcome, folks! I'm Dave! Thank you for coming to South Park Carmax, let me show you around! Follow me!" Dave began to walk through the facility. The Freedom Pals shrugged and followed.

"What? Who is he?" Pearl asked.

"This must be one of Peridot's traps," Garnet observed. "Vehicle salesmen never let you out of their sight. She really is a genius."

"I think 'genius' is pushing it a little…"

Dave led the group to another room, which was full of nothing but cars. "This here is our main showroom! Our newest and nicest cars are all in here, but if you're looking for something under a budget, we can go to the lot out back and see what catches your eye!"

The Mayor stood at her podium, leaning on her wrist and nearly falling asleep. "Okay…" she grumbled. "So who here thinks we should sign legislation legally banning Swatting?"

Half of the town raised their hands. Thomas Tucker, who didn't, stood up. "Now hold on just a second!" he yelled. "Criminals are gonna Swat people no matter what! So why take the power to Swat out of the hands of law-abiding citizens? I say, we make Swatting FULLY LEGAL for all!"

The Mayor blinked. "All in favor of legalizing Swatting." The other half of the town—including the police—raised their hands. Mayor McDaniels groaned and placed her face in her hands.

Suddenly, Officer Yates' radio buzzed to life. "Calling all units in the vicinity of South Park. We have a ten-twenty-three in progress on Algonquin Blvd. All available units, please respond. Repeat. Ten-Twenty-Three on Algonquin Blvd. All available units, please respond."

"Oh, shit!" Yates yelled, standing up. "This is Detective Yates! I'm on my way, over!"

"What, what is it?" The Mayor asked. "What's a Ten-Twenty-Three?"

Yates stared directly at her, his face incredibly serious. "Hostage situation. Let's move, people!" Yates and his men ran out of the building, not noticing the Mayor's glare.

"No!" she shouted. "Don't you see, you're getting Swat-?! Oh, for Pete's sake."

David approached a silver sedan with a big price tag on the windshield. The tag read "$13,990". "This here is a 2015 Toyota Corolla, Luxury Edition," he said. "It's only had one owner and has never been in an accident. The Corolla is a great starter car for—"

"Okay, can we, like, go now?" Toolshed asked. "None of us care about buying cars, we're ten."

David pulled out a key. "Why don't we give this baby a little test drive, see if you guys are interested?"

"Ok, fuck this guy, let's go," Toolshed grumbled as he led his friends past the salesmen. They barged into the next room, which was a large conference room with flatscreens fitted to the walls. Each screen had a different portion of South Park under surveillance. In the center of the room was a long, oval table, at which Peridot and Butters sat.

"What?" Peridot said as she watched the group enter. "How did you all get past my traps?"

"We're here to put an end to your reign of terror, Professor Chaos and Peridot!" Call Girl called out. "Surrender now, and we'll go easy on you."

"That's VICE PERIDOT to you, Freedom Clods!" Peridot yelled back. "If you think I'm going to surrender to the likes of you, you've got another thing coming!"

"I-I thought you said you had 73 traps for them?" Professor Chaos asked.

"I did," Peridot replied. "David was supposed to take them on a test drive in all 73 of the Corollas I put in the showroom."

"Peridot, this has gone FAR ENOUGH!" Pearl yelled. "This game isn't FUNNY anymore."

"I think it's hilarious!" Peridot retorted. "I have you guys worked up over ABSOLUTELY nothing! All I've done is sit here and talk big, and your reactions are some of the most extreme I've ever seen! That sounds like a funny game to ME!"

Professor Chaos balled up his fists and tapped them together apprehensively. "H-Hey, uh, Peridot? Can I talk to you about something real quick?" Having dropped the act, Butters pulled Peridot aside. "Can we not do this here? I-I was kind of counting on the Freedom Pals NOT making it past the traps."

"What, you want to give up?" Peridot asked, tilting her head. "Why? We've almost won!"

"Peridot, there's a lotta them and only a few of us," Butters said. "Steven doesn't seem too into it, and Heidi isn't even here with us, so it's two against… uh… a lot."

"Oh, pfffft," Peridot waved her hand dismissively. "You're forgetting that I'm a master strategist, like Steve Bannon."

Butters blinked. "Isn't he dead?"

"Look, the point is if we give up now, we won't have a chance at winning!"

"The guys are gonna beat me up, Peridot," Butters said. "I-I don't wanna get beat up."

Peridot glared at Butters. "So it's happening again."

"What?"

"Go, join the Clod and Friends," Peridot said. "I can do this myself."

Butters backed away from Peridot and ran to join the Freedom Pals. "H-Hey, fellas…"

"Butters, we're still gonna kick your ass," Cartman said.

"A-Aw, hamburgers…"

"Is everyone ready for a fight?" Toolshed asked.

"I sure am," Garnet said. Suddenly, she walked over to Peridot and turned around so she was facing the others. "Nobody move. This is a betrayal," she said in a rather dull monotone.

Pearl sputtered in surprise. "What- you mean- WHAT?!"

"Garnet?" Peridot asked.

"That's Fused Chaos, to you," Garnet responded.

"Garnet, are you SERIOUSLY playing this game right now?" Pearl asked. Garnet shrugged.

"Being bad is fun sometimes."

Coon raised an eyebrow. "Hey, it is kinda fun," he muttered. He then marched over to Peridot's side. "I'm on the villains' side, now." Human Kite, Super Craig, Wonder Tweek, and Amethyst all walked over there as well.

Toolshed glared at Human Kite. "KYLE!"

"Sorry, Stan," Human Kite shrugged. "It IS fun."

Pearl glared at Amethyst. "Amethyst, get back over here, we don't have time for this."

"Pffft. We got all the time in the world, P!"

Toolshed shushed everyone. "Alright, everyone just shut up for a second! You guys seemed SUPER ready to double cross us. This was planned!"

"I believe I can explain everything," a deep, soothing voice said from the shadows. Everyone looked to see where it came from, and Morgan Freeman stepped out into the light. "You see, when Butters emailed Steven, Garnet's future vision was able to predict everything that was going to happen should they travel to South Park. She saw Butters trick Peridot and Steven into joining his evil plan. She saw Peridot taking the game too seriously. She saw Professor Chaos's eventual takeover of the town. Furthermore, she saw that you all would try and stop them, and she saw each and every trap and adversary you would face. And she saw that the heroes are, sometimes, total buzzkills.

"Rather than allow herself to become the No Fun Police, Garnet devised a scheme with Amethyst and several of the Freedom Pals to double cross the heroes and join the villains, just to switch things up a bit and make the conflict a little more interesting."

Pearl looked back at Garnet. "But then why wasn't I included in the plan?"

Morgan Freeman blinked. "Because you aren't fun," he said. "You've never been fun and you never will be fun. You're a huge buzzkill and you never let anybody do anything fun."

Garnet frowned. "Well, that's a harsh way of wording it."

"It's an ACCURATE way of wording it."

Toolshed scratched his head. "I think I get it. I just have one more question. How come every time something convoluted happens, you show up?" he asked.

"Because every time I explain something convoluted, I get a freckle," Freeman replied, a brand new freckle appearing on his face as he spoke.

"Alright, everyone, hands where I can see 'em!" Detective Yates shouted as he and his forces entered the room. "Nobody move! Everyone follow my instructions exactly!"

Everyone put their hands up. "Jesus, what's going on?!" Coon asked.

"We're being Swatted," Freeman said calmly.

"So who called them?" Stan said.

"I did," another voice said from the shadows. Steven stepped out into the light. "Nobody move. This is an intervention!" he said.

"Steven?!" Peridot said incredulously. "What's going on, here?!"

"Steven believed the game had gone on long enough, and that Peridot may accidentally hurt people if it went on any longer," Freeman explained. "So he called the police and Swatted us. His hopes were that he could disrupt the game long enough for it to become totally lame."

Steven nodded. "That's right. Peridot, I was wrong before. Being the bad guy isn't fun, at least not the way you do it! I don't like seeing you like this. It isn't you!"

Peridot glared at Steven. "YOU did this!"

"How did I do this?"

"Peridot has low self-esteem, made worse by the fact that she still doesn't feel as though she's completely made up for mistakes she made in the past," Freeman continued to explain, all while freckles continued to appear on his face. "You trivialized her troubles, made light of qualities of herself she hated, and wanted to turn her into the thing she hated most; a past version of herself. So, when poked and prodded, she relapsed into evil, and intentionally went overboard so as to prove a point to you, Steven. She wanted you to realize that, in the end, YOU created this."

Steven slowly began to look remorseful, and looked away. "I… I DID do this," he said. "You're absolutely right. This is all MY fault."

Yates pointed his gun at Steven. "So, it's YOU we need to murder, huh?"

Pearl smacked the gun out of Yates' hands. "For crying out loud," she yelled, "put that thing down!"

Suddenly, another group of police officers barged into the room. "Everybody stay right where you are!" they yelled. "You're all under arrest!"

"Agh!" Tweek shouted. "Jesus Christ!"

"Why are there more cops?!" Craig yelled. "Who called them?!"

"I did," yet another voice said from the shadows. Randy Marsh walked into the light.

Stan glared at his father. "Dad, what are you doing here?"

"I know Mephesto was planning to Swat me!" he said. "This is… this is just self-defense!"

"You can't use SWATTING for self-defense!" Peridot said. "And Mephesto isn't even here!"

"Yes I am," another voice said from the shadows. Dr. Alphonse Mephesto stepped out into the light. "I was lurking here, in the shadows, the entire time."

"Is there anyone else hiding in the shadows we should know about?" Pearl asked. To answer her question, about half of South Park's residents stepped out into the light. "Oh, this is so chaotic…"

Peridot raised an eyebrow. "Say that again?" she said.

"There's so much chaos here, I don't know how this town survives," Pearl admitted.

Butters, Peridot, and Steven smiled at each other. "Hey, that's a good point!" Butters said.

"This town… generates chaos!" Peridot said. "Our original goal wasn't to take over the town! It was to spread CHAOS!"

Steven nodded. "Aaaand, by distracting the Freedom Pals, therefore leaving the townspeople alone to do what they normally do…"

"Well, gosh darn it!" Butters said happily. "We did it, gang! We spread chaos!"

Peridot, Steven, and Butters cheered. "The game's over!" Steven exclaimed. "Team Chaos wins!"

Stan glared, and threw off his goggles in anger. "God damn it. We've never lost a game of superheroes before."

"Well you have now!" Peridot gloated. "Our goal has been accomplished! High five, everyone!"

Peridot, Steven, and Butters high fived. Garnet smiled and gave them a thumbs up. "You won," she said. "I'm proud of you three."

"Screw this, let's just go home," Stan said. He and his friends all stomped off while Butters, Peridot, and Steven continued to celebrate.

"You were right, Steven!" Peridot said. "This WAS fun!"

"Even if it did get a little out of hand, I'm glad you were able to play the game!" Steven responded. "Pearl, did you see that? We won!"

Pearl shrugged. "Alright. The bad guys win, this time."

"So, what now?" Steven asked Peridot.

"I think I'm hanging up my cape," Peridot conceded as she untied the bedsheet from her neck. "The game's over anyway, so there's no point in being a bad guy anymore. Let's head home!"

Pearl held up a set of car keys. "I'm driving!"

Everyone stared at her. "Pearl, we took the warp pad here," Steven said.

Pearl suddenly looked a little ashamed. "Uh… yeah. I own a car now. That salesman was very convincing."

Amethyst snorted. "Nice one, P."

The Freedom Pals exited the lab, now dressed in their civilian attire. "This is bullshit," Stan said. "I hate this game now."

Wendy patted him on the back. "There, there, Stan. Why don't we find a different game to play?"

Stan shrugged. Kenny approached the group. "Hey guys, what'd I miss?" he asked through his parka hood.

"Oh, hey, Kenny," Kyle greeted. "Where have you been, dude? You missed the entire game."

"Oh, you know, just over there," he said, pointing in a random direction. "Wanna play Cowboys vs. Mexicans?"

"Sure, but don't invite any of the Crystal Gems, they suck," Stan said. "Peridot's really good at these games for some reason, she makes them super not fun."

The group agreed.

Dr. Mephesto entered a small, dark room within his lab. He sighed, and removed his coat. "So, you're the one who'll be paying me?" he asked.

The Canadian man across from him nodded. "Tell me, Dr. Mephesto… what do you know about geology?"

"I'm a geneticist, not a geologist."

"What if I told you that, in this case, geology and genetics were one and the same?"

Mephesto thought about it. "That sounds interesting. What exactly is it you'd like me to do?"

The man slid a notebook across the table. "Read these notes. Analyze them. I want to see if you can make sense of them. It would be a big help, buddy."

Mephesto nodded. "I'll get right on it."

A/N: Next week I'm taking a break from writing so I can organize my ideas for the next five or so chapters (I have no idea how long this story will be, it may or may not end up being longer than Dorito Elect, which had 14 chapters), so I'll be looking at all of the feedback I've gotten so far and will continue to get. What do you guys think so far? What's working, what's not? Is the episodic format working, or no? What kinds of characters or situations do you want to see in the next batch of chapters? Anything I've already written about that you'd like to see me explore a little deeper? Anything I could improve on? Let me know in the comments!