A/N: What? An update? Is the world ending or did I just torture myself by watching cutscenes from Halo 5 and get pissed off enough that I wanted to write more? You decide! Sorry about any typos…I was too excited to wait to post this.

Disclaimer: I do not Halo or any of its characters. I just screw them up for the purpose of entertaining fans.

Forty Thousand Reasons

…

.

…

Chapter Five

…

It orbited a Halo.

He stared out of the window into the dark of space, his armored arms hanging by his sides as he watched the rotation of the created world in silence. They all looked the same, blue atmosphere, green grass, water, mountains. A reflection of Earth in a ring strip of destruction.

"Isn't it beautiful?" His eyes focused back on the glass in front of him, and she was there, in the reflection. Blue eyes, short hair that swayed when she moved, the illusion of blue seeping into her skin. He ached with an emotion he wasn't sure was possible as he remained stoically still. "Such a complicated creation for the sake of destruction. Beauty to wipe out plague, and make no mistake we're as much of a plague as the Flood." She stepped up next to him as she spoke and came more into focus.

Silver hair, pale skin, wrinkles of age and her voice that had been deceptive in its softness transformed to honesty.

"Doctor," protocol, he followed that as he nodded to the woman he had grown up seeing, standing more at attention.

"John," there was fondness in her voice as she turned to face him, craning her head back to look into his visor. "How did you find me?"

She was smaller than he remembered and he wondered if he was still looking at her through the eyes of a child soldier. "I needed to talk to you," he hesitated, not that anyone would have noticed.

"Cortana?" Halsey was nodding, turning to look back out of the window. She knew, of course she knew, he thought as he too turned his visor to the Halo once again. "A disappointment." There was a note of anger in her voice. "Her creation cost me so much, just as yours did. But that girl," she paused then shook her head. "That A.I. failed just like all of the others. Formed from me and yet still lacking in perfection."

'That girl,' his shoulders straightened as he thought about her words. Cortana had been real to someone other than him. "She…tried." He supplied and felt Halsey's eyes turn to him again. "Fought against her rampancy until the end, and then…" Glancing down he shook his head lightly. "And then she did what I supposed to do. She protected me."

"I see."

"That's not what I came to say." Chief felt his vocal cords strain like they were rusty from underuse and he realized this was the most he had spoken in as long as he could remember. "She still exists."

Halsey turned to him completely now, a frown pulling the corners of her mouth down, the lines in her face standing out starkly in her pale skin. "What do you mean?"

"I thought it was a malfunction, but she took over a ship's comms, turned off the lights, activated my armor lock when they were leading me to have my armor decommissioned." He looked down at his palm, flexed his fingers. "I still feel her."

"It's like residue," she nearly interrupted him, and his eyes found her face again and she looked somehow paler. "An echo of a malfunctioning program that is clinging to life through your suit." Dismissive, that's how she sounded, and somewhat annoyed. "If I'd have known that she ended in a way she wasn't designed, I could have warned you." He could see the effort it took to soften her tone. "I would have warned you." Her hand was coming up, palm out in silent demand.

"Don't." Her voice echoed in his helmet, his screen flickering as he reached slowly, pulling the data chip from the back of his helmet. "I don't want to, please don't make me…" Her plea fizzled out and the words he knew were from a memory as she begged not to be removed, decommissioned and for the first time in his life he defied a direct order.

Was it for Earth? Or was it for her?

"It's badly damaged," Halsey took it from him, inspecting the chip and he felt a sudden loss.

That data chip had been his responsibility for seven years. His.

"Thank you for bringing her home," she gave him a brittle smile then stepped back as she closed the chip in her fist. "The supply ship has left, but I'll call in a separate transport to return you for armor decommissioning. The sooner you get out of it, the faster the remnants of Cortana will be disposed of."

"Don't." He closed his eyes against the static of his visor.

"Ma'am."

"And as for this Halo instillation," Halsey spoke as she walked away. "It's classified, and above your pay grade." He said nothing as her steps retreated, as he reached up and pulled his helmet free from his face with a soft hiss and ran his thumb over the empty slow in the back.

…

"John." The name hit her with a desperate recognition, the only thing she could comprehend as she pressed against the glass again and watched her hands phase in and out of existence.

She wanted to scream, she tried and choked as her throat tightened around the tube until tears obscured her vision and her lungs burned from the push and pull of what her body commanded and what the tube did.

A shrill beeping filled her ears, fraying her nerves and blurring her vision more as freezing liquid began to pour down around her. It lit her skin on fire it was so cold and wracked her body with violent shivers as it filled the space around her.

Drown, she was going to drown. She recognized the word as her bones rattled together then a hiss sounded above her head and she felt something slither into the vein in her arm through a needle and the cold subsided. And the world faded from existence as her eyelids dropped.

…

A hand struck her face with a sharp sting, sending her sprawling to the smooth, cold floor in shock.

"You had one job, only one." The snarl of her mother above her made her curl her legs in as she looked up at the silvering brown hair, the furious blue eyes. "Not exist, that was it. Like it would be so difficult here." Her mother paced away into the kitchen, pushing her fingers through her hair, mussing it when it was usually so perfect.

"I'm sorry," the girl of fourteen spoke meekly, pressing her palm to her cheek as she dared to move back to her feet. "It's just so lonely here." A whine entered her voice, something close to a plea of understanding and she shrank back as her mother turned to face her.

There was still anger, something so deep and resentful the girl wondered if she'd die on the spot until the look, be melted away by the hate she could feel pouring off of the older woman.

"I thought we were beyond this," her face turned stoic, frighteningly blank. "You agreed to stay hidden, for your safety and I told you that as soon as the program was deemed successful we'd leave."

'The program,' the teenager thought with bitterness, it would never be over. She had seen the reports, what she could hack into while she wasn't being monitored, what she could guess from overheard conversations and body language. The UNSC was funding the good doctor's research, and she'd never stop.

"I'm sorry," she tried to apologize again, clasping her hands in front of herself.

"I am working to save the future," her mother walked closer, her face softening as she reached out, cupping the girls cheek gently. "I'm working to save you, and I need you to understand how important it is."

"But you don't care about me, you just care about the other kids," it was a bitter whisper, something spoken before she could stop herself, then her eyes widened and she waited for her punishment. A second hand came up to cup her other cheek gently.

"No, my darling girl," the smile on the older woman's face made her nervous instead of comforted. "You are more important to the survival of humanity than you can ever imagine. Without you, everything will be lost." Slowly her hands slipped away from the warm cheeks. "And your time in the light will come before you know it." She was turning, walking away then and taking the last datapad with her. "But until then, you're cut off from the outside world."

"No, mother!" She ran after her, tears obscuring her vision. "I'm sorry, please!" Her fist banged hard against the door as it closed with a heavy lock clicking of finality, sealing her in.

…

He couldn't sleep, he tried as he sat on the bunk in his full armor, a knee pulled up to rest his arm on, his head against the wall where he could feel the hum of the engines vibrate the plating. It wasn't different than normal, not really, and he didn't need to rest, not like the others.

That was his 'gift', the one that had been given to him by Doctor Halsey decades ago. Faster, stronger, the ability to go longer, restless, feel less.

But still, he felt.

He felt more than he could ever express because that wasn't what a soldier did. That wasn't his job.

Pushing up from the bunk he strode from the room, the auto lights above flickering on as he wandered, turning off as he passed leaving the corridor dark. Already he regretted the choice that brought him there, he regretted seeing Halsey in person, the way it brought back memories he didn't need, and he regretted handing over her heart.

Reaching up he felt the empty slot in the back of his helmet and stopped, standing statue still until the light above powered off and he was left in the dark. Was that really how he felt, holding the chip that contained his A.I. the tool he was given?

Anger surged through him, bringing with it a jerk of violence as he threw his arm out to the side and felt the dampened vibration of the impact as it bent steel with a thud, indenting the wall. He squeezed his eyes closed, taking in slow breaths he knew could be heard outside of the suit and when he opened them again, she was there.

She stood, her hands clasped in front of her, her blue glow illuminating the hallway around them as her brows pulled down over her eyes in anguish.

"Spartan-117, Master Chief," her voice faded, glitching with the image of her as she pushed her hands up over her face and her image crumpled. "I don't know what's real." She sobbed once and he stepped forward, hand extending to her, a knee hitting the metal floor as he lowered in front of her.

Lines flickered in his visor and slowly he curled his fingers into his palm. "I don't either," his voice rumbled out as he watched her hide in her hands and cry.

"I need you." The lines grew and faded, taking her and her light with her.

"I need you." He echoed as he bowed his head.

A/N: I don't even know where this is going. Somewhere. It's hard writing our stoic chief because I need him to talk more than he does! That's what fanfiction is for, right? Let me know what you think.