76 Tom's POV

Anxiety reared its head all week, freaking me out constantly, as I waited for the moment it was announced that we were leaving to go on this picnic.

Why had I agreed to go? Why? I wasn't... I didn't do things like this. I didn't go on picnics, or take a break from my duties. I wasn't, my wife said... I just didn't do things like this. We never did things like this as a family. We... we just didn't. And if we did, I wasn't involved, not further than making the food and packing the bags in preparation.

But Natasha had insisted. Natasha had told me to go, to take a break once a week and spend time with my son. And Danny had looked so hopeful that I would go, I had had to agree, or everyone would have been so disappointed. It was what I was supposed to do, or at least what was expected of me right now, so I had to agree. I couldn't disagree and ruin plans, that wasn't what I did anymore. I didn't ruin plans, I did as asked, and tried my best not to screw it up.

Fat chance of that. I wasn't good with conversation, or relaxing, or anything really. I had to... I didn't even know what I needed to do really. Not screw up, I guess? How did I do that?! I screwed up everything! I couldn't... I couldn't talk to someone like a normal person, or play properly either. And picnics included that kind of thing as standard, but I didn't know how to do those things! Was I supposed to bring toys? Or let Buzz explore the field, let him play with leaves and fallen tree branches, show him bits of nature? Did we... did I talk with my band mates, about... what did we talk about?! Was there anything to talk about?! I didn't... there wasn't anything I could think of!

"Hey, did we lose you in there?" Danny made me jump feet, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"I-It's fine, it's fine." It was fine, I was utterly fine. I just... I just needed to get out of my head.

"Alright, well we're ready to go when you are." Danny smiled gently.

"I'm ready." I had been physically ready for a while, shoes on and everything packed. Mentally on the other hand, not so much.

"Great, wanna hold Buzz as we go?" Danny handed me my son, taking the picnic basket from me before I had time to protest.

"Dada!" Buzz grinned at me, hands fisting into my shirt, "Picnic! Food!"

"I think someone's excited." Danny laughed, tickling Buzz's foot, making him burst into cute giggles.

With that, we all stepped out of the house, Buzz scrambling to be set on the floor, practically dragging me by the hand down the road, despite not knowing where he was going. He was so excited to be going out, to have a bigger place to run around, so damn excited.

Had we, I, been cooping him up too much? Had I been keeping him too wrapped up in the house and the garden? I'd only been following what my wife had done. She hadn't taken Buzz out that much really either. At least, not while I was in the house anyway. Maybe when I wasn't there, she took him out, I didn't know, I didn't know much at all of what she did with him while I wasn't around. All I knew was that when she did take him out, and I wasn't busy, I didn't go with them. Half the time, she didn't even tell me where they were going, even when it was just this field, and I could see them from the kitchen window.

Thinking back, I couldn't even think of a time I had been on any sort of trip out with Buzz. Not one. At least, not one that didn't include a music video shoot, or a tour. Not a family day out, one that was a planned event, where we went out somewhere together for fun.

This was the first time I was going out with Buzz, specifically for fun. How had he grown up so much, and I hadn't even gone out with him once?