It was late in the evening. The sun was setting over the great nation of Canada. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau sat at his desk, writing a memo for the next day. Suddenly, two of his aides walked in.

"Mr. Prime Minister, we have big news," one said. His badge said 'Tim'.

"What is it, buddy?" The Prime Minister asked.

The other man, Horton, walked back over to the door. "You can come in now, guy." Seth Rogen entered the room.

"Nice to be here, buddy."

The Prime Minister glared at his aides. "Why have you brought an actor before me?"

"He was present for the attack on New Toronto!" Tim said. "He knows who did it!"

The Prime Minister raised an eyebrow. "Does he, now? Well then. Have a seat, buddy."

Seth took a seat. He looked really pissed off. "It was the Crystal Gems!" he exclaimed. "Those asshole war criminals came in and overthrew the Council of Presidents! They're to blame for the city's collapse!"

The Prime Minister put his pen down. "Could you please name the individuals responsible?"

"Their names are Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, and their hideout is in some American resort town on the East Coast!" Seth slid photos across the desk, which the Prime Minister studied intently.

"You're sure it was these three?"

"Positive."

"Then we have work to do." Trudeau stood up and paced to the other end of the room. "Notify the Commander of the Royal Canadian Army. And send a message to Canadians abroad."

Tim pulled out his phone. "What shall I say, buddy?"

"Tell them… that Canada's enemies will be destroyed."

The Broflovskis ate dinner in a rather cheery mood. After all, their son had just returned safe and sound from the horrifying depths of space, and they were so glad to have him back. "We were so worried about you, Kyle!" Sheila gushed. "We has no idea how on Earth we would be able to find you. If anything had happened to you—"

"Aw, come on, ma," Kyle said, smiling. "I'm safe now, aren't I?"

"Oh, yes, of course you are! It's just… it was so scary!" Sheila glanced at Ike. "Your brother was worried sick about you!"

"Spaceman rocket ship on the moon!" Ike babbled.

Kyle shrugged. "I'm just glad things are going back to normal. Space fucking sucked."

Suddenly, Ike's watch beeped. He glanced at it, and excused himself from the table to run up to his room. Once there, he sat at his computer and logged on. A video file had been placed on his desktop. Curious, he clicked it. The Prime Minister of Canada appeared on screen.

"Good evening, my friends, guys, and buddies," he said. "As I'm sure you know, Canada was viciously and repeatedly attacked at the end of last year. Rest assured, we've been working very hard to bring those responsible to justice. Tonight, Canadians all across the world may rest easy, as we will finally be taking out the cowardly attackers who caused New Toronto to fall. Justice. Will. Be served."

Ike adopted a determined glare. Finally. Those bastards were about to be brought to justice.

A black-colored Bell CH-146 Griffon helicopter bearing the Canadian flag on its tail rotor flew low over the Delmarva countryside. Its occupants were armed with standard-issue Colt Canada C7 assault weapons, each equipped with silencers and magnified optical sights. In their magazines were special armor-piercing bullets, specially designed to shatter gemstones. These soldiers were ready for war.

"Alright buddy, listen up," their commanding officer said into their headsets from the command center he'd set up on the ground. "The Prime Minister wants a quick, clean operation. Your weapons have been modified to utilize a special type of bullet which packs enough punch to kill these aliens, who are ordinarily unharmed by regular bullets. You are to get in, eliminate the targets, and get out. Do not harm any humans in the area, do you understand? If any civilians are harmed, we'll be forced to abort the mission. Does everyone understand?"

"Sure thing, guy!" every soldier said simultaneously as the helicopter landed. The door slid open, and the soldiers stepped out. Their boots were officially on the ground. The mission was a go.

Pearl glared out the beach house's window. The bane of her existence, a white 2016 Toyota Corolla SE that she didn't even want, sat out front. That dirty trickster of a salesman from South Park swindled her with his charming smile into buying it, but she had no USE for it.

She sighed, and looked over at Steven, who was sitting on the couch reading the latest No Home Boys novel. Garnet and Amethyst were also nearby, just lounging around. It'd been a very lazy night. No corrupted monsters, no space debris, no threats from Homeworld, just… a relaxing night. They hadn't had one of those in a while.

Suddenly, there was a rapid knock at the door, jolting Pearl back to reality. She glanced back out the window. A second vehicle had joined hers. Raising an eyebrow, she walked over to the door and opened it. "Randy?" she asked, mildly surprised that Randy Marsh was standing on the other side.

Randy sighed. "Hey, Pearl. Can I come in?"

"Of course, of course!" Randy walked in, followed by his son, Stan. "Stanley, it's good to see you!"

Steven perked up, and stared at the door. He smiled and waved. "Oh, hey, Stan! Or is it Toolshed right now?"

Stan shook his head. "Listen, I'm not here to play superheroes or whatever. I'm here because… something pretty fucked up happened."

Randy looked down at his son. "Stanley, language. He's right though, everything's fucked right now."

Pearl tilted her head. "What exactly happened?"

Randy sighed. "Pearl, Stan and his friends were kidnapped by Gems."

Pearl's eyes widened, and she stared at the ten year-old. "Oh, my goodness!"

"They took me to this… Zoo, or something," Stan muttered. "We saw Yellow Diamond."

Pearl shot the rest of the Crystal Gems a worried look. "Why don't you two sit down?" she said to her guests.

Steven looked a little worried too. "Are your friends okay?" he asked.

Stan nodded. "Yeah, no, we're all fine, we all got home safely. But… some really messed up shit is going down right now."

"Pearl, we need to talk about Rose," Randy said. "Stan told me that Yellow Diamond talked about some kind of… prophecy, involving Rose Quartz and Canada."

Steven frowned. His mom… and Canada?

Amethyst, on the other hand, glared. Those former Crystal Gems that they met in Canada… could this have something to do with them?

Pearl shook her head. "As far as I know, Rose never went into Canada."

"What about those Crystal Gems we met in Canada?" Amethyst asked.

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Canadian Crystal Gems?"

"Last December, we went on a mission in Toronto," Amethyst explained. "While we were there, we met a faction of the Crystal Gems that split off from the main group during the war. They ALSO talked about some kind of prophecy involving Rose Quartz and the Canadians."

Steven blinked. "Hey, wait a second, I didn't know about this."

"We agreed we wouldn't speak of that," Pearl said, glaring at Amethyst.

"No. YOU agreed we wouldn't talk about it!" Amethyst said. "Me and Garnet didn't have a say!"

Randy looked at Pearl seriously. "Pearl, both Yellow Diamond AND those other Crystal Gems talked about that prophecy. I think we need to—"

"We don't NEED to do anything!" Pearl dismissed. "You didn't KNOW those other Crystal Gems. They're liars. They'll do WHATEVER it takes to get into your head. They're no different from any other enemy we've faced!"

Steven glared at Pearl. "Then why did you hide them from me?"

"What? I didn't- I didn't HIDE them from you," Pearl denied. "We just- I mean, it never came up-" she stared desperately at Garnet. "Garnet. Please put an end to this nonsense and tell Steven that we never meant to HIDE anything from him."

Garnet just stared at Pearl, not saying a word.

"...Garnet?" Pearl's worried look worsened when Garnet didn't respond. She realized, however, that Garnet wasn't staring at her; Garnet was staring at something BEHIND her. "What's wr-"

"Everyone get down!" Garnet yelled. Startled, everyone turned to face the door, which was promptly kicked down by several Canadians wearing tactical vests and helmets and wielding assault weapons.

"Nobody move, buddy!" their assumed leader shouted.

Instinctively, Steven stepped forwards. "Hey, wait! What's going on?!"

A soldier in the back shouted, and by reflex, fired a shot towards Steven. He immediately regretted it. "Oh, shit!" he yelled.

Steven's eyes widened. From his perspective, everything happened all at once, in what felt like slow motion. That millisecond felt like minutes. Steven saw the bullet moving towards him. He looked to his left. The Crystal Gems looked horrified. Pearl was covering her mouth. He looked to his right. Randy and Stan looked like they were about to yell. He looked forward again. The Canadians looked immediately remorseful.

In truth, he had more than enough reaction time to summon his shield, or his bubble. Something to keep the bullet from hitting him. But… if he did that, it might ricochet. If it reflected back towards his attackers, his act of self-defense could quickly become manslaughter. If it went in any other direction, it could hurt Randy or Stan, or one of the Gems. There were just too many variables. Taking defensive action now could end badly. Really badly.

So, Steven decided to take one for the team. He opted to do absolutely nothing. The bullet hit him. He grabbed the wounded area—just inches away from his Gemstone—and yelled. "Agh!"

"Steven!" The Crystal Gems all shouted immediately in response.

Steven gripped the wound tightly. He started to feel a little woozy, and something felt wet on his palms. He took his hands off the injury and stared at them. His hands were covered in blood.

"Oh my god!" Stan yelled. "They shot Steven!" He glared at the soldiers. "You bastards!"

"I'm… I'm alright, guys, really, I…" the corners of Steven's vision started to get dark. It was getting really hard to stand up.

A Canadian spoke into his headset. "Sir! We shot a human boy!"

"What?! What the fuck! I fucking told you not to shoot fucking civilians, you dickwheel! Abort the mission, I repeat, abort the mission!"

The Canadians quickly backed out, running off into the night.

Everything in Steven's vision was super blurry. He felt lightheaded. Everything sounded like it was super far away. "Guys… I… I need help…" he said finally, before collapsing in a pool of what he assumed to be his own blood. As his vision went dark, he saw everyone in the room surround him.

"Hello?!" Randy said, holding a cellphone. "We need an ambulance right now! A kid's been shot!" That was the last thing Steven heard before losing consciousness.

Little boy at peace
What is this place beyond the stars?

Steven heard a soothing voice in the darkness.

Open up your eyes
What is this place you're moving towards?

Steven slowly opened his eyes. In the distance, a pair of golden gates, sitting upon miles of clouds.

Head so full of wonder
Worries in the past
Could it be that you are free at last?

Steven blacked out again. At some point, he heard voices.

"We need… intensive care… losing him…!"

"Steven… Hold on… Hold on…!"

Suddenly, everything felt hot. Steven could have sworn he was standing in a furnace. Around him, although everything was blurry and hard to make out in his dazed state, he could have sworn he saw fire. In front of him was a large red figure… a man with goat legs and horns?

He wasn't able to figure it out before being pulled from there, too. He awoke, still dazed, on an operating table. Connie's mom stood over him. He heard a heart rate monitor somewhere in the room.

"Okay, we're almost finished here!" Mrs. Maheswaran said. "We need to close up the incision. Get me a needle." A nurse or somebody that Steven couldn't see handed the doctor a suture kit. Steven looked down at his body. He… he was opened up! He was in surgery! He started to internally freak out, his heart rate increasing rapidly, before he passed out again.

Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Stan, and Randy sat in the ER waiting room, waiting for any news at all about Steven's condition. Pearl was hunched over in her seat, her hands still over her mouth. This couldn't be happening. This was a bad dream, or something.

The door was kicked open. Peridot, Lapis, Greg, and Connie ran in. "We came as soon as we heard!" Connie said. "Where's Steven?! Is he okay?!"

Amethyst jerked her head in the direction of intensive care. "He's in surgery. They're trying to fix him, I guess."

Peridot glared at the door. "So, they're dissecting him, are they? Don't worry! We'll go in there and—!"

Greg held a hand up. "Connie's mom knows what she's doing. Steven's in good hands right now."

Lapis sat down in one of the empty seats. "Who did this? Was it another Gem? Did Homeworld send them?"

Pearl shook her head. Her eyes looked dead. "It was… just another human. Steven's life was nearly taken… by a completely normal human being. There was nothing supernatural about it. No aliens, Gems, monsters, nothing like that. He was just… shot. With a killing machine made by humans for use against humans."

The Canadians did this.

Dr. Maheswaran entered the waiting room, sighing. "Thank god that's over with…" she muttered.

Pearl stood up. "Dr. Maheswaran! Is Steven going to be okay?! Were you able to—?"

The doctor nodded. "Steven is going to be fine. We've removed the bullet and he's out of surgery." The entire room breathed a collective sigh of relief. "Right now, he just needs to rest. Whatever happened today was traumatic, and he's going to need a lot of time to recover, both physically and mentally."

Pearl nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Maheswaran."

Connie sat down next to Stan. "So, uh, you're one of Steven's friends?"

"I guess you could say that," Stan said. "We helped him save Beach City once, about a year ago."

Connie nodded. "Yeah, with those berries."

"Yeah, it was pretty fucked up, but we got rid of those gaywad berries."

Connie hesitated, surprised at Stan's vulgarity. "I- I see."

Pearl leaned back in her seat, and stared up at the flatscreen on the wall. Some kind of news program was on at the moment.

"Breaking news coming out of the White House, the President has landed himself in a bit of hot water again today. It was during a conference meant to discuss safety in our schools with the nation's governors that the President called the survivors of the Parkland shooting 'a bunch of whiny little bitches'. He later went on to say 'we never used to give a shit what kids thought, why are we starting now?'"

Pearl scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"In other White House-related news, the President is calling on his fellow Republicans in Congress to 'stop being so fucking bad at their jobs' and pass his new legislative proposal which would limit the amount of Canadians who can be granted work visas in the United States. The President, of course, has had a rather strained relationship with the Canadian government ever since his campaign began in 2015."

Pearl raised an eyebrow. That was right. The President was anti-Canadian.

"The only immigration policy that I believe in, is 'fuck 'em all to death!'" Mr. Garrison could be seen shouting on the TV. At this point in time, he was still just a school teacher. He didn't have his spray tan, or his golden shower wig, or his stank-face. He was just a regular guy who rose to power through anti-Canadian populist sentiment.

Pearl thought about it some more. Steven had been hurt, nearly killed, by a ruthless group of humans. A ruthless group of Canadian humans. Based on their equipment and their training, they had been sent by the Canadian government.

Blame Canada.

Operatives sent, endorsed, and funded by the Canadian government hurt Steven.

Blame Canada.

The Canadians… were evil.

Blame Canada.

The Canadians needed to be brought to justice.

Dr. Maheswaran re-entered the room. "Steven is awake. You all can see him now, if you'd like."

The group entered the room. Steven smiled as he watched them all walk in. "Heyyy, guys!" he said cheerily, although he seemed a bit tired. "See? Told you I'd be fine!"

"Yeah you did!" Amethyst encouraged, fist-bumping the boy. "Man, Steven, you took a bullet! That makes you a huge badass!"

Steven shrugged. "Honestly, I've taken worse."

Stan pulled out his phone. He appeared to be FaceTiming with somebody. "Alright, guys, here he is." He held the phone up to Steven. Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters were all on the other end.

"Is it true, Steven?!" Butters asked, a worried look on his face. "Did you really get shot?!"

Steven nodded. "Yeah, but I'm all better now! Check it out!" he lifted his shirt to reveal the gauze on his stomach. "There's a bunch of stitches under there. It was in there pretty deep, so they had to cut me open to get it out."

Cartman blinked. "That's pretty hardcore, bro."

Pearl, Connie, and Greg suddenly grabbed Steven and hugged him tightly. "Steven," Pearl said, "we were so scared… I thought we were going to lose you!" She was crying.

Steven chuckled. "Whoa, hey, Pearl, it's fine! See? I'm fine!" he tried to assure her. "I'm not going anywhere."

Pearl looked Steven in the eyes through her tears. "Steven. I promise. The people who did this won't get away with it."

Steven frowned. "...what do you mean by that?"

Suddenly, Peridot jumped up onto the hospital bed. "Steven!" Peridot yelled excitedly. "What was it like being dissected?!"

Everyone glared at her. "Peridot, get down from there!" Pearl scolded.

Peridot frowned and looked back at everyone. Then she realized that jumping on Steven's bed while he was in the hospital probably wasn't a good idea. She chuckled sheepishly and slid back down onto the floor. "Heh. Hehe. Um. Ahem. Steven. What was it like being dissected?"

Steven shrugged. "I was actually asleep for most of it. Which is probably a good thing. Being cut open sounds like it hurts."

On Stan's phone, Kenny nodded. "Oh, hell yeah, being cut open's the worst."

Kyle glared at Kenny. "Kenny, you've never been cut open before."

Peridot glanced over at the phone. "I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss him, Kyle." She winked at Kenny. "I think he knows what he's talking about."

The group chatted it up for what felt like hours. They didn't even talk about the shooting. They talked about anything and everything else, to take their minds off of it. After a while, though, visiting hours ended, and Dr. Maheswaran had to ask Stan, Randy, and Connie to leave. Connie's father arrived to take her home, while Stan and Randy retreated to the hotel room they'd gotten in Beach City. The Crystal Gems and Greg, being family, were allowed to stay. Most of them opted to stay in the waiting room, to give Steven some space. Pearl, on the other hand, stayed with Steven, and watched as he fell asleep.

How could this have happened? The Crystal Gems had enemies, sure, but those enemies were all so… out of this world. The fact that the circumstances of this incident were so normal was, well, bizarre, in Pearl's mind. It never once crossed her mind that Steven would need to be protected from such an ordinary, human threat.

"Times have changed," Pearl began to sing softly.
"This planet's getting worse.
"We won't be safe anymore
"And it makes me want to curse."

Pearl glanced at a nearby television. The President was onscreen, and although the audio was muted, Pearl could guess he was giving a speech of some kind.

"Should I blame the President?
"Or blame society?
"Or should I just accept that this was brought on by me?"

Pearl looked at Steven's nightstand, where a Terrance and Phillip comic he'd been reading lay. She glared.

"No!
"Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
"With their all their beady little eyes
"And flapping heads so full of lies."

Pearl stood up and marched into the waiting room. "Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
"We need to form a full assault
"It's Canada's fault!"

Amethyst raised an eyebrow. "Whoa, P, what are you talking about?"

"Those soldiers that hurt Steven were with the Canadian government!"

Peridot scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Blame Canada? Really, Pearl? Don't you think that's an extreme overreact- whoa!" Peridot was caught by surprise as Pearl grabbed her shoulders and spun her around, showing her the nearby TV screen, which had an image of the Canadian Prime Minister on it.

"I don't blame you," Pearl sang.
"You don't understand.
"The world was never perfect,
"And now the evil here is grand!

"And the President once
"Commanded lots of respect!
"But now when you see him
"He reminds you this country's a wreck."

Lapis didn't get it. "How is that Canada's fault?"

Pearl smiled. "Don't you know? CANADA is the reason he ran in the first place."

"Ohh. I get it now."

"Blame Canada! Blame Canada!" Pearl led the group through the hospital, showing them a book detailing the history of Canada.
"It seems that everything's gone wrong
"Since Canada came along.
"Blame Canada! Blame Canada!"

Greg had Canada's Wikipedia article pulled up on his phone. "They're not even a real country anyway!" he sang.

Peridot and Amethyst shot each other worried glances. Pearl seemed to be going to a dark place here. Didn't anyone else see it?

The Gems, having returned to the waiting room, peeked into Steven's room, where he was still fast asleep.

"Steven could be a doctor," Pearl sang in a hushed tone,
"Or a lawyer, rich and true.
"But now he's laying in a hospital nursing bullet wounds."

"Should we blame the weapons?" Garnet asked.

"Should we blame the bullet?" Greg asked.

"Or Congress, for taking money and refusing to cool it?" Lapis asked.

"Heck no!" Pearl responded.
"Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
"With all their hockey hullabaloo,
"And that liar Prime Minister too."

"Blame Canada! Shame on Canada, for
"The violent solutions, and moral contusions,
"The damage with guns, must all be undone,
"We must blame them, and cause a fuss,
"Before somebody thinks of blaming us!"

Pearl held out that final note as Greg, Garnet, and Lapis danced around her. Peridot and Amethyst, however, sat off to the side, still worried about the implications of what Pearl was saying—and that the others seemed to be going along with it.

"Uh… maybe she'll get over it in a few days?" Amethyst said to Peridot, whose worries weren't alleviated any.

Ordinarily, Peridot didn't sleep. She'd been so exhausted by the last 24 hours, however, that she figured she could give it a try. The next morning, a rather ugly snore left her throat as she continued to sleep, her big head lying on Lapis's lap. Lapis was also asleep, and she was sprawled out across two adjacent chairs. Her snores were quieter, but still prevalent. Both were awoken very suddenly by a t-shirt hitting each of their faces.

"Zuh, uh, wha…?" Peridot muttered sleepily. She pulled the shirt off of her face and stared at it. "What is this?"

"What do you think?" Pearl asked, grinning at the green Gem. "I spent all night working on it."

Peridot examined the shirt. It was a rather simple design, a maple leaf with a cross over it, and above it, lettering reading… "C.G.A.C?" Peridot asked, giving Pearl a weird look.

"Crystal Gems Against Canada!" Pearl explained. "I figured, if we're going to get serious about righting the wrongs, we needed a mission statement."

Peridot frowned. "Don't you think this is a bit much?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the whole 'blame Canada' thing," Peridot said. "It doesn't seem practical to fight an entire country."

Pearl chuckled. "Oh, Peridot, we aren't going to PHYSICALLY fight them. That's ridiculous. We are going to partake in civil disobedience to raise awareness about their misdeeds and convince the world to stop turning a blind eye."

Peridot gave Pearl a half-lidded glare and stayed quiet for a second or two. "That's idiotic," she said flatly after Pearl didn't say anything else. But, she thought to herself, it's also not as bad as I thought it was going to be. She looked over at Lapis, who had already put on the shirt, and glared at her, too. "Alright. Fair enough, then. What's first on our 'civil disobedience' agenda?"

Peridot had never felt so degraded. She and the other Crystal Gems now stood on in front of the Big Donut in Beach City, waving signs about how evil the Canadian government was.

Sorry. Everyone ELSE was waving signs. Peridot was dressed as an oversized maple leaf, and she looked extremely upset. "Blame Canada," she said rather un-enthusiastically. "Don't forget to blame Canada, everyone. Canada is evil. Etcetera."

A passing citizen stopped and stared at Peridot. "Didn't you used to be the Mayor?" he asked.

"Didn't your cheating wife used to love you?" Peridot shot back, entirely unamused. The man, not appreciating the hostility, or being reminded that his wife was cheating on him, left. Randy and Stan approached the group.

"Stanley! Randy!" Pearl said, smiling. "How did you sleep?"

"You guys are waging war on Canada now?" Stan asked, an eyebrow raised.

"A war of words!" Pearl corrected. "We're going to show these Canadians that we won't be pushed around!"

Stan punched his nosebridge. "Oh my god, you people are fucking retarded."

"Don't lump me in with them, I wanted to start a trolling campaign on Twitter," Peridot told him.

Amethyst also looked rather unhappy, but for a decidedly different reason. Peridot was embarrassed to be in that costume. Amethyst was embarrassed to be a Crystal Gem. Like Peridot, she hoped this would all end soon.

Stan took this time to look at the t-shirts they were all wearing. "C.G.A.C…?" he muttered to himself. Then, realizing what that stood for, he widened his eyes. "You guys shouldn't be doing this," he said. "Bad things could happen."

Peridot smiled. "Thaaank you! Finally, somebody with some sense!"

Pearl knelt down to meet Stan's eyes. "Now Stanley, I don't expect you to understand what we're doing here. You're ten, and I'm ten thousand, so I have a lot more experience than you do. Sometimes, you need to fight for what's right."

"Dude, are you dense?" Stan asked.

"Why no, actually, my body is mostly a projection of light."

Randy coughed uncomfortably. "Uh, Pearl, we still need to talk about what the boys saw at the Zoo. Yellow Diamond said—"

"Yellow Diamond said CANADA was involved in an apocalyptic prophecy, correct?" Pearl interrupted. "Assuming the prophecy isn't totally bogus—which it is—that means Canada is a much greater threat than any of us could possibly imagine."

"You need to listen to me," Stan said, glaring up at Pearl. "You're making a REALLY big mistake. This is going to end REALLY badly." His eyes darted over to Garnet. "You! You're the sensible one, right? Can't you see that what's going on here is really fucked up?"

Pearl glared at Randy. "You know, you really oughta clean out your son's mouth."

"He's right, Pearl," Randy said. "You aren't thinking clearly. What if-?"

"What if? Rose Quartz didn't ask 'what if'!" Pearl argued. "When she saw injustice in our galaxy, she ACTED!"

"But not everything she did was the right thing to do!" Randy yelled. "You know that better than anyone else."

Stan was still glaring at Garnet. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"

Finally, Garnet opened her mouth. "Right now, my two halves are at unease with the situation. They both disagree on how this should be handled. But they both agree that something needs to be done."

Stan glared incredulously up at the Gem. "...what?!" he shouted. "'Your two halves?!' What the fuck does that even mean?!"

"Pearl, PLEASE just think about this for a second," Randy pleaded. "You don't know what you're getting into."

"Oh, I'm being asked to think ahead by Randy Marsh?" Pearl mocked. "The same man who once put his testicles in a microwave to give himself cancer so he could get medical marijuana is telling me to think about what I'm doing. Yeah. Okay."

Randy shook his head. "Come on, Stan, let's go," he said, dragging his son along.

"You people are making a big mistake!" Stan yelled as he walked away. "Just… don't do anything crazy, okay?!"

Pearl scoffed. "Can't they see we're trying to make the world a better place?"

Peridot and Amethyst didn't seem to agree.

Steven lay in his hospital bed, reading up on the Terrance and Phillip comics he'd missed over the last several months, what with being in space half the time and all. Connie sat in the chair next to him, reading a comic of her own. They heard his door open, and glanced over, surprised to see not only Stan Marsh, but Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, and Kenny McCormick enter. "Oh? You guys all came to see me?" Steven asked. "Wait. How did you guys get here?"

"We need to talk," Kyle said. "Stan called us and told us the Crystal Gems were getting into some shady shit."

"Yeah, and also, I think Garnet has MPD," Stan added.

Steven frowned. "Uh… no? Well, okay, yes, they've done some shady stuff, but we're dealing with that one problem at a time."

"So you're already dealing with the war they declared on Canada?" Stan asked.

"...what?"

"Is there a TV in here?" Stan looked around. "Change it to CNN."

Steven retrieved a remote and turned on the TV, which was already tuned to CNN.

"Good evening, I'm Tim Hairpiece with CNN," the reporter on screen greeted. Steven scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Ugh, this guy."

"Don't worry about HIM," Kyle said. "Worry about what he's REPORTING ON."

"Controversy has erupted in the Delmarva resort town of Beach City tonight, as word spreads of a failed assassination plot on some of its residents by the Canadian government which left a teenage boy injured by high-powered gunfire. With us tonight is the boy's legal guardian, Pearl."

Pearl appeared onscreen. A subtitle below her image read "Outraged Alien". "Hello, Tim," Pearl said.

Steven's eyes widened. "Pearl?!"

"As well as the Canadian Minister of Foreign Affairs," Tim continued. Pearl's window became a split screen view, with a bearded Canadian man appearing on the other side. His subtitle read "Canadian".

"Thanks for having me, buddy," the Minister replied.

"Mr. Minister, Americans are concerned about your country's militaristic policies as of late," Tim said. "Some say that Canada has become 'the World Police', so to speak."

"Well, America's been sending their troops into foreign nations and waging unsolicited wars for years," the Minister began.

"But that doesn't mean you have to stoop to that level!" Pearl argued.

"Can I finish?" The Minister asked. "The fact is that we Canadians are quite surprised by your outrage–"

"You just don't care!" Pearl interrupted.

"Can I finish? Hello, can I finish? The United States has sent their soldiers into Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, all without their consent. We can't believe that an attempt to take out a terrorist would piss you off so much."

"Because we AREN'T terrorists!" Pearl interrupted again. "Steven had nothing to do with—"

"Can I finish?!" The Minister asked, now pissed off himself. "Please, can I finish?!" After a moment of silence, he calmed down. "Alright. I'm finished."

"Now, Mr. Minister," Tim chided, "it isn't like this attack is the first international incident to come out of Canada, let us not forget Justin Bieber."

"Now, now, the Canadian government has apologized for Justin Bieber on several occasions–"

"You Canadians are all the same," Pearl muttered. "What, with your beady little eyes, and flapping heads…"

"That- HEY! I find that racist!" The Minister shouted

"How can we be sure any of us are safe from–"

"You are a racist—!" Steven turned the TV off.

"...what on Earth?" he asked nobody in particular.

"She sounds like Kyle's mom," Cartman noted.

Stan rolled his eyes. "Come on, Cartman, knock it off, this isn't the time to—"

"No," Kyle said, "he's RIGHT."

"What?" Stan and Cartman said in unison .

"Cartman's right. Pearl DOES sound like my mom," Kyle realized. "Oh my god. Steven. You HAVE to stop them!"

"What do you mean?" Steven asked. "Sure, they're going a LITTLE overboard, but–"

"No, you don't GET it!" Kyle cut him off. "This has all happened before. I've SEEN all of this before. History is REPEATING itself." Steven couldn't help but notice how worried Kyle looked. "If things keep going the way they are, it's going to escalate, and things are going to end badly. Really badly."

Steven thought about it. Kyle seemed really sure of himself. And he had to agree, whatever the Gems were doing, it wasn't good… but he had to disagree that this would escalate much further. He trusted the Gems to always fight on the right side. So he knew they wouldn't take it much farther than this. "Don't worry, Kyle," he said finally. "Things are going to be okay. I promise. The Crystal Gems are good people. They always do the right thing, eventually."

Kyle didn't look like he believed Steven. He sighed, however, and let it go. "Okay, Steven. If you think it's all going to be alright, we trust you. Just… don't let this go too far."

Steven nodded. "You have my word. This isn't going to go any farther than it already has."

President Garrison sat at his desk, hands over each other, as he stared patiently and compassionately at the person in front of him. "I know you've been hurt," he said. "I know… that you feel like society has wronged you. Like everybody is against you. You don't feel safe in your own home, and I understand how you feel. Recently, things have come to a head, and something HAS to be done about the hurt people are feeling right now. I want you to know, that I will be doing everything in my power to make sure that you feel safe again in your own country."

Senator Marco Rubio sniffled. "Those… those kids! They're saying such mean things to me! I- I don't think I can handle it anymore! Mr. President, since the Parkland shooting, I have had over two hundred high school students from all across Florida call me and leave really mean messages on my answering machine!" He retrieved his cell phone from his pocket. "Just listen to some of these messages!" He began to play them.

"Hello, Senator Rubio, this is Jeremy, age 17, from Miami, Florida. Just calling to let you know that I hope you get your balls stuck in a waffle iron tonight."

"Hi, Mr. Senator, my name is Katherine, I'm a high school sophomore from Titusville. You should be ashamed of yourself, I hope you get fucked by a cactus."

"Good evening, Senator Rubio. I'm Timmy, age 18, from Melbourne, Florida. I really liked you when you ran for President back in 2016, but if I'm being honest, I think you should probably just exercise your second amendment rights by shooting yourself in the temple with a high-caliber round."

"Hello, Mr. Senator, you should kill yourself-"

"Commit suicide, you irresponsible shit."

"Disembowel yourself with a katana-"

"Kill yourself."

"Just fucking kill yourself, Senator."

"There are a hundred more like that," the Senator sighed. "A lot of people are telling me to kill myself. I-I might do it!"

Garrison closed his eyes. "Senator Rubio, I promise, nobody actually wants you to kill yourself," he lied. "They're just saying that."

CLASSi, who was sitting nearby, filing her nails, decided to interject. "I think he should kill himself," she said.

The NRA spokesman that had accompanied Rubio to the White House put a hand on Rubio's shoulder. "Come on, Mr. Rubio, you're overreacting."

"That's easy for you to say," Rubio sniffed. "You're used to everyone hating you. People used to LIKE me! But now, everyone hates me! Look at this poll that just came out. '98% of Americans believe Florida Senator Marco Rubio should kill himself tonight.'"

"Don't worry, Senator, we'll figure something out," Garrison assured. He glanced up as two of his aides walked in.

"Mr. President, the Prime Minister of Canada is here to see you."

"The Prime Minister? What does he want now?" Garrison sighed. "I'm sorry, Senator Rubio, I'm going to have to cut this meeting short. Just stay off of social media for a while, okay? This'll all blow over soon."

Rubio sniffled again. "O-okay…" he muttered, as he and the NRA spokesman stood up and walked out, passing Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

"Hello again, Mr. President," the Prime Minister greeted. "I have some concerns about some things that were said on American television today."

"Oh, yeah, that 'blame Canada' thing Pearl's doing," the President replied. "You know you really should have called me before trying something stupid like that assassination mission."

"The Crystal Gems DESTROYED our city!" the Prime Minister yelled, slamming his fist on the table. "And we aren't supposed to retaliate? Fuck that, buddy! We Canadians have principles! This is aboot taking a stand!"

"Yes, I know full well what it's 'about'," Garrison said, enunciating his words. "But I don't appreciate international assassinations being conducted within my borders without my consent."

"Just like how the last two administrations went into Iraq, Afghanistan, and Syria without their consent? Fuck you, you're a fucking hypocrite."

"Don't piss me off, Trudeau," Garrison warned. "Your petty bullshit threats aren't going to work on me anymore. Attacking the Crystal Gems' base was crossing the line. Don't cross any more lines. As one of my students once said, you need to 'respect my authoritah'."

"We'll do whatever we please!" Trudeau said, standing up. "Fuck you, and fuck your authoritah! Get those Crystal Gems in line, or we'll have a big problem!" He marched out of the room, slamming the door on his way out.

"...jeez, he's a fuckin' prick," the President muttered.

The Crystal Gems and Greg had set up a stall in Beach City Funland, where they sold anti-Canada merchandise, including C.G.A.C. t-shirts, pamphlets, and Weird Al Yankovic CDs with offensive material edited out. "Blame Canada, everyone!" Pearl called out cheerfully as people walked by. "Canada is responsible for all of the world's problems!"

Sadie happened to walk past and gave them a weird look. "What did Canada ever do to you guys?"

"They tried to hurt Steven!" Pearl explained. "The Canadian government sent one of its military units to Beach City to assassinate us, and Steven was injured."

Sadie's eyes widened. "Oh my gosh! Is Steven okay?!"

"He's fine, now," Peridot assured. "Which is why we should cease our anti-Canada activities at once."

"Are you kidding? This needs to be taken even further!" Sadie said.

Peridot glared at her. "Don't encourage them, I am TIRED of wearing degrading outfits for this movement."

"No, I'm serious! If Canada really ordered that attack, then they SERIOUSLY overstepped their bounds."

Amethyst glared at Sadie as well. "No, everything's fine. We don't need to-"

"You'll NEVER get your message across just complaining to random people!" Sadie continued. "You need to complain to the one person who can actually do something about it."

Peridot groaned. "Oh, you don't mean–"

"We have to take action!" Pearl yelled, slamming her fist on President Garrison's desk.

"We really don't," Peridot said. "Please, Mr. President, just ignore Pearl, she's in hysterics right now and isn't really thinking about anything she's saying, as always."

Garrison hummed. "So, you want me to take action against the Canadians?" he asked. "You know, the Prime Minister was actually just in here yesterday about you guys. You're really pissing him off."

"WE'RE pissing HIM off?!" Pearl asked incredulously. "His government almost killed Steven!

"Look, Pearl, the world isn't fair," the President said. "Sometimes you eat shit and it's not really your fault, but you still have to take it anyway because… well, somebody's gotta eat that shit."

"If he's so scared of a little civil disobedience, then our tactics must be working!" Pearl said, sounding very proud of herself.

"Actually, you're just sort of annoying him," Garrison replied. "He doesn't view you guys as a threat anymore, and honestly, why should he? He has an entire military behind him, and you have, what, five lesbians?"

Peridot shook her head. "Four lesbians and an asexual biromantic. But you are correct in that we are VASTLY outnumbered." She looked up Pearl. "Pearl, I'm sorry. I know you believe in this and I know you're only trying to protect Steven. But what we're doing just won't work, practically or morally."

Amethyst nodded. "Yeah. It's time to call it quits on this whole 'blame Canada' thing, it's really dragging out and going nowhere."

"They're right, Pearl," Garrison affirmed. "Just give up. Nobody wants to see you go down this road."

Pearl crossed her arms. "They can't keep doing what they do and getting away with it."

"Of course not, and I promise, I will have a talk with Trudeau about all of this the next time we have to draft up a trade agreement," the President said. "But now is not the time to get wrapped up in some petty bullshit, what are you doing right now, selling t-shirts? Get serious."

Pearl sighed. "Okay. Alright. Maybe you're right." After a brief moment of silence, Pearl looked to her companions and said, "I think I need a moment. Can you-"

"Yeah, yeah, sure thing," Amethyst said, giving Pearl some space. "We'll be waiting outside. Come on, guys."

Garnet, Amethyst, Lapis, Peridot, and Greg left the Oval Office, leaving Pearl and Mr. Garrison alone. Garrison sighed.

"I'm sorry, Pearl. I heard Steven was hurt really badly. Can you give him my regards and best wishes-"

"The Canadians outnumber the Crystal Gems," Pearl thought out loud. "...but is their worldwide influence greater than America's?"

Garrison blinked and raised an eyebrow, unsure of what he was being asked. "Excuse me?"

"This is YOUR fight, too, Mr. President. We were attacked on AMERICAN soil."

Garrison shook his head. "No, no, no no-"

"How long are you going to just TAKE this from them?" Pearl asked. "Don't you think you've been pushed around long enough?"

"Pearl, I am not going to entertain your petty-"

"Oh, right, I forgot. You're all talk, no action."

Garrison glared at Pearl. "Excuse me?"

"Well, since you took office, what have you done?" Pearl asked. "You threatened to bomb Denmark, then backed down from it. You've had twenty different executive orders stricken down by federal courts. Half of your cabinet has either resigned or been fired. You've passed, what, one major piece of legislation in the last year?" She shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I forgot you're just a puppet that Paul Ryan, Steve Bannon, and Vladimir Putin can use to push their agendas."

Garrison leaned forward. "I am not a puppet," he growled.

"Prove it. Take a stand for what's right. For once in your life, don't rely on your tweets to get the job done. Do something, and tell those Canadians to keep their flappy heads out of Crystal Gem business. Sanction them, or pull out of a trade deal, or something."

Garrison continued to glare at Pearl. "You're not in charge here, Pearl. I am. Get out of my office," he demanded. "You've overstayed your welcome."

Pearl stood up. "Fine! Just remember that your predecessors would have taken action." She marched out of the room, leaving an extremely pissed off President Garrison.

"Why is everybody such a prick these days?" he asked.

"'Cause the President's a divisive asshole," CLASSi chimed in from her seat nearby, painting her toenails.

"...CLASSi, I'M the President."

"Bitch, I know what I said."

The President groaned.

Several days passed, and Steven was discharged from the hospital. He was welcomed back by every Crystal Gem, Peridot included, as well as Lapis, Greg, and Connie. Stan and Randy had returned to South Park by this point, although before leaving Stan once again expressed his concerns about the Crystal Gems' actions to Steven privately—but Pearl appeared to drop her Canadian vendetta, so it seemed, for the moment anyway, that everything was fine. Still, Steven was worried.

The President, meanwhile, was dealing with his own headaches. His senior counselor, some dipshit who was under FBI investigation because he was bad with money, just had his security clearance revoked. The Democrats were pressuring him to act on gun control. CLASSi would not get off of his case. Everyone and everything was getting on his nerves and he was nearly at his breaking point.

Back in South Park, Kyle worried about how far Pearl would go to air her grievances—and whether or not people would listen to her. He peeked into the kitchen, where his mother was washing dishes. He really didn't want there to be another Mothers—or Millenials—Against Canada movement. He glanced back into the living room, where his adopted younger brother, Ike, was watching Dora. If this goes too far, what'll happen to Ike, a Canadian by birth?

Unbeknownst to Steven, Garrison, and Kyle, their problems were about to get worse. A lot worse.

That Wednesday, February 28th, 2018, a date that Americans and Canadians alike would remember for years to come, President Garrison was scheduled to have a meeting with the Prime Minister of Canada and the President of Mexico regarding the renegotiation of the North American Free Trade Agreement. Before the meeting, the Prime Minister approached Garrison in the Oval Office.

"So, the Crystal Gems backed down, eh, buddy?" he asked.

"Yeah, I had a talk with them, they won't be a problem anymore," Garrison responded. "You owe me."

"I don't owe you shit, THEY started it."

The President sighed and closed his eyes. "It kind of sounds to me like YOU started it. Do you know how hard it is to get the Crystal Gems to back down once they've committed to something?"

"Yes, almost as difficult as it is to get you to commit to something at all," the Prime Minister quipped.

"Listen, I really don't want to hear-"

"You really are a spineless bitch, guy."

"...what?"

"You always talk big, but you bow to pressure like a fucking bitch." The Prime Minister made a rather vulgar thrusting motion with his hips. "I'm fucking you right now. And you're taking it. I bet you'll bend over during the negotiations, too."

Garrison glared at the flappy headed fuck. "I'm not anybody's 'bitch'."

"You're Putin's bitch."

"People need to stop saying that!" Garrison yelled. "I am not Putin's bitch, I fucking hate that guy!"

"Yes you are, just like you were Mr. Hat's bitch while you were a teacher."

Garrison paused. "Who told you about Mr. Hat?"

"And you know what else? You-"

"Who. Told you. About. Mr. Hat."

"What are-"

"Mr. Hat is a part of my past!" The President screamed, losing his composure. "We do not talk about Mr. Hat, Mr. Hat was a fucking prick!"

"Whoa, calm down, Mr. President-"

"Fuck you, Trudeau, you crossed the fucking line!" Garrison shouted. "Get out of my office."

"But the NAFTA-"

"The US is pulling out of NAFTA. Get the fuck out of my office before I fuck you to death!"

The Secret Service arrived and started to escort the Prime Minister out. "Hey! Hey, get your dirty American hands off of me, buddy!" The Secret Service took him out and closed the door behind him.

"God damn it!" Garrison yelled. "Fuck those beady-eyed assholes. They crossed the fucking line." He turned to his senior counselor. "Kushner! Get Pearl on the phone!"

Jared Kushner looked concerned. "Mr. President, I really must advise against-"

Garrison pushed him aside. "Fuck you, I'll do it myself. You're fucking fired!"

"Fired? Who will you replace me with?"

The President dialed a number. "With the only woman in the galaxy with the balls to actually do something!"

Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny watched with bored expressions as Mrs. Nelson wrote out the day's lesson plan on the chalkboard. Suddenly, PC Principal spoke over the intercom. "Attention, all students and faculty, please report to the gymnasium at once. All students and faculty, please report to the gymnasium."

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "What the hell's going on?"

Tweek barged into the room, startling the other students. "Craig! Where's Craig?! Agh!"

Craig walked over to Tweek. "What's wrong, babe?"

"The President's about to make an announcement on the emergency broadcast system!" He twitched. "Ack!"

Stan looked at his friends. "An announcement? Is that why we have to go to the gym?" Worried, he stood up and followed the rest of his classmates out.

Peridot slammed on the beach house's door. "Steven! Steven, open the door!" she yelled, urgency in her voice. Steven opened the door, and let her and Lapis in. Connie was already here. "The President-"

"Yeah, I know, the President's about to make an emergency broadcast," Steven said as he led the group to the TV. "What do you think it's about?"

"I don't know, but if it tanks his approval ratings again, I'm going to pull my hair out," Peridot said anxiously. She had just spent, like, two months performing good deeds in the President's name to boost his numbers a bit, and they had finally gotten back over 40%. If he ruins this… "...where are the others?"

"Hmm?"

"Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, where are they?"

Steven shrugged. "They went on a mission, they didn't say much about it."

Connie turned the TV on. "Alright, let's see what dumb thing the President's going to rave about this time."

The students and faculty of South Park Elementary gathered in the gym as Mr. Mackey wheeled a TV into the room. "M'kay, everyone take your seats, m'kay…"

The Rubies sat down next to Jimmy and Timmy. "What's going on?" Navy whispered to Jimmy.

"I don't kn-know, fellas," Jimmy responded, "but the P-puh-President sure seems to think it's important."

Aquamarine and Topaz orbited Earth in their stolen spaceship. Aquamarine realized a commotion was going on, and hijacked a satellite signal to watch the President's address. "Pay attention, Topaz," she said. "This is the leader of the humans."

"Why do we care about that?" Topaz asked. Aquamarine shrugged.

"It's entertainment."

Practically the entire planet was glued to its collective television set as the broadcast finally began. President Garrison addressed the nation from his desk in the Oval Office, a rather serious look on his face.

"Good afternoon, my fellow Americans," he began, before sighing. "On November 8th, 2016, you all elected me to lead you, through the good times, and the bad, and although this country is more divided than ever, perhaps by my own doing, I am still its leader, and as its leader I must sometimes make grave decisions."

Steven raised an eyebrow. "What's he on about?"

Garrison continued his speech. "For years, the United States has been used, abused, exploited, and humiliated by its neighbors on this continent. This ends tonight."

Kyle's face fell. "Oh, no…" he muttered, glancing around at the other kids in the school. Ike… where was Ike?

"The United States of America will no longer be a doormat. It's about time I do something about the way our country is exploited on an annual basis." The President paused. "Today, the United States Armed Forces invaded Cornwall, Ontario."

Steven gasped. "Oh my god…"

"I've come to you today, to announce that the United States, several months after the bombing of Toronto, has decided to declare war on our neighbor to the north, the nation of Canada."

The students of South Park Elementary gasped. The viewing party at Steven's house stared in shock. Aquamarine, viewing from her ship, raised an eyebrow and stared down at the planet.

"Well, this just got interesting…" Aquamarine muttered.

"My fellow Americans, I ask that you turn to your loved ones and hug them. Spend time with them, because…" the President trailed off. "...because truth be told, I don't know how or when this war is going to end."

Steven put a hand on his temple. "I don't understand. Why? Who told him to do this?"

Connie looked horrified. "Steven…" she said, pointing to the TV. Steven looked back at the screen.

Pearl was there.

"I'm turning the camera over to my new Senior Counselor, Pearl. Please, listen to what she has to say."

Pearl sat down at the desk. "Thank you, Mr. President. Greetings! I'm sure some of you may have doubts about this war, or where it's going to end up, but I assure you, I've fought wars for THOUSANDS of years! You needn't worry! With me at the helm, this war will be over rather quickly. Keep your chin up, America! The age of Canadian oppression is over!"

Kyle, walking through the crowd of students and teachers, looked around for his brother. "Ike? Ike?! Ike, where are you?!" Kyle walked out into the halls, and saw Ike standing there. "Ike, there you are! Come on, we need to–!"

Suddenly, several armed servicemen kicked open a nearby door. "There he is, sir!" one of them, said.

"Ike!" Kyle yelled. "Get away from him!"

"Sorry, kid," the soldier replied as his cohorts grabbed Ike. "The President has ordered that all Canadians living in the United States be held indefinitely."

"Spooky nanners!" Ike yelled, desperately begging his big brother to save him.

"Please, you can't take him!" Kyle yelled. "He's just a kid, he- he's not the enemy."

"Take him away." Ike cried as the soldiers carried him off.

"Iiiiike!" Kyle yelled after them.

Steven, Connie, and Peridot stared at Steven's TV in shock as the President ended his broadcast. "What…" Peridot began.

"...the…" Connie continued.

"...fudge…" Steven finished.

Lapis shrugged. "So, wait, are we angry or not?"

Steven heard the warp pad. "Pearl!" Steven yelled, standing up and running down to meet Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. Pearl looked immensely satisfied. Amethyst looked really bummed out. Garnet… looked like Garnet. "Pearl, what the heck was that?! You're going to WAR with Canada?!"

"That's right, Steven," Pearl responded. "The people who hurt you are going to be brought to justice! Isn't that great?"

"No! It's not great! It's really dumb!" Steven glared at Pearl. "Have you completely lost it?! And you two!" he glared at Amethyst and Garnet. "You're just… going along with it?!"

Amethyst sighed. "Sorry, Steven…" she muttered.

"No you aren't! If you were sorry, you wouldn't be doing it!"

"Steven, what's wrong?" Pearl asked. "You seem upset."

"What- WHAT'S WRONG?!" Steven yelled. "I can't believe this."

Peridot approached the argument. "Pearl, while Steven's reaction is unnecessarily melodramatic, I do have to point out how misguided and pointless this war is."

Pearl sighed. "Steven, one day, you'll understand why we do the things we do."

"Stop treating me like I'm stupid, or something!" Steven shot back. "I'M the one who was nearly killed by those Canadians! I don't want to go to war with them over it! Doesn't my opinion matter to you?!"

Pearl thought about it for a moment. "Your opinion is severely misguided."

"So no, then."

"I didn't say that."

Steven looked over at Garnet. "Garnet?"

Garnet looked away. "Sometimes, you have to do things you don't want to do. This is one of those things."

Pearl knelt down and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Steven, I know this might seem strange, and wrong to you, but… we're only doing what's best for you. We just want to protect you."

Steven swatted Pearl's hand away from her. "My life isn't more valuable than the millions of innocents you just put in danger."

"Well, actually, from a purely objective standpoint-" Steven started to walk out. "Where are you going?"

"For a walk." He slammed the door on his way out. Connie stood up.

"Steven! Wait up!" She ran out as well.

Pearl sighed. "Not how I wanted this to go…"

"Pearl, please, you have to reconsider," Peridot pleaded. "You're not thinking rationally here! What if-?"

"Rose Quartz never asked 'what if'," Pearl cut her off, standing up. "If anybody needs me, I'll be in the temple." She walked over to the temple door and retreated into her room.

Steven marched angrily down the beachfront. Connie caught up to him. "Steven! Steven, what are we-"

"I don't know, Connie," Steven cut her off. "Do you remember when I said I was tired of all of the drama? THIS is what I was talking about. I'm tired of stuff like THIS happening. And it's, like, once a week with this stuff! Or once a month, or five days in a row, or WHATEVER my schedule is now! But this? This is worse than everything else combined! We—Crystal Gems—we crossed a line you just don't cross today! The Crystal Gems aren't supposed to get involved in human affairs. So why are we declaring WAR on them?!"

Connie crossed her arms. "You're saying 'we'. Like WE'RE the ones doing this."

"Well, we're Crystal Gems, aren't we?!" Steven asked. He groaned and sat down. "I always thought the Crystal Gems were the good guys. But good guys don't declare wars."

"If the Crystal Gems aren't the good guys anymore…" Connie thought aloud, "...what does that make us?"

Steven paused for a beat. Finally, he responded, "The good guys."

"What?"

That night, while the Crystal Gems were off doing who-cares-what, Steven snuck back into the temple and grabbed his cheeseburger backpack. He began stuffing it with everything he needed, snacks, toiletries, comic books… he was gonna be gone a while.

"So, we're really doing this, huh?" Connie asked.

"I'm not going to ask you to come with me."

"I know you're not, but I'm coming anyway."

Steven smiled at her. Once they were ready, they made their way towards the door. Steven was stopped, however, by a voice in the shadows. "Going somewhere?" the voice asked. Steven turned around as Amethyst, Peridot, and Lapis stepped into the light. "You're leaving?" Amethyst asked, crossing her arms.

"I'm not going to stick around to support a war I don't believe in," Steven replied. "You guys are gonna try and stop me, aren't you?"

"Helllll no!" Amethyst denied. "I don't believe in this war either. Which is why I'm coming with you."

"As am I," Peridot added. "I thought this crusade was asinine from the very beginning."

Peridot and Amethyst walked over to join Steven and Connie. Lapis frowned. "Wait, you're leaving?" she asked. Peridot sighed.

"I can't just sit around and watch this happen," Peridot responded. "I don't know where my place is on this Earth, but it certainly isn't alongside a warmonger."

Lapis nodded. "I… see."

"You probably don't want to get caught up in this," the green Gem continued. "Which is why I won't ask you to come with us. I'm sorry, Lapis. I guess… this time, it's me who's leaving."

Lapis rolled her eyes. "I'm coming with you too, you dork."

"You are?"

"Yes, of course I am. I'm not loyal to the Crystal Gems, I'm loyal to YOU."

Peridot smiled up at her. This was the Gem she was going to spend eternity with. She knew it.

With that Steven nodded. "Alright, then, is everyone ready? Any second thoughts? No? Let's go."

The group began their self-imposed exile by stepping outside. Amethyst looked up at the night sky. "Where are we going to go?" she asked.

"I'm not sure," Steven admitted. "We're just going to keep going."

The group started walking. Even though they started their journey pretty confidently, it wasn't long before they were all bummed out again. They were abandoning their home. That's not a happy occasion, at least it wasn't to them.

"Man… this sucks…" Amethyst muttered.

"Look on the bright side!" Peridot replied.

"What bright side?"

"I don't know, I was hoping you would be able to find one."

As they left Beach City's limits, a short, sad song came to Steven's mind. "We… were the Crystal Gems…

"We used to save the day.
"But that's all over now,
"I wish there was another way."

"But all the people of this world
"Can still count on-"

"Lapis."

"Peridot."

"Amethyst."

"And Steven…"

But could the world count on them anymore? They weren't entirely sure they believed what they were saying.