A/N: As I was finishing this chapter, the actual President of the United States had a rather contentious meeting with the actual Prime Minister of Canada, the details of which vary depending on who you ask. Go figure.

I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time.

Peridot jolted awake as the public bus she was riding in hit a pothole. Yawning, she looked over at Lapis, who was just waking up herself.

"No belonging anywhere," they sang.
"Loneliness and degradation."

I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna take my woes with me.

Steven looked out the window and watched as the bus passed several houses.

"On the run for several nights,
"People spouting 'where are your parents?'"

Heading out to South Park, 'cause I can not unwind.

Amethyst, who was swiping through images on her phone, glared at a photo of Pearl.

"Someday you'll know the pain you've caused,
"Innocent lives and collateral loss."

The bus came to a stop on top of a hill, where the runaways stepped out and stared out at the town. Steven noticed a sign next to them, bearing the town's name.

So I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna stop this war in time!

Connie looked over at Steven. "Why did we come here?" she asked.

"Kyle said something about this happening before," Steven responded. "Maybe he'll know how to fix this mess."

Peridot frowned, and pointed out several helicopters flying over the town. "Were those here last time?"

Steven stared up at the helicopters, then glanced back down at the town. He hadn't noticed it before, but there appeared to be a military camp just outside of town, with trucks moving in and out. "There must be a military base nearby…" he muttered. "Come on. Let's go find Kyle."

The group walked into town, passing several depressed-looking townspeople on their way in. They stopped near a parked car which had its radio on.

"...what started as a border skirmish between the US and Canada is quickly escalating into World War III," the reporter on the radio said. "Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced that the Russian Armed Forces will be entering the war on the side of the Americans, and while Britain and France have declared a stance of neutrality, several in the media have pointed out their increased munitions sales to the Canadian government in recent days. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson has expressed concern that the Canadians may get their hands on nuclear weaponry within the next year..."

"This is getting out of hand…" Steven said.

"In other news, pro-war support among American citizens has caused the President's approval rating to rise to a whopping 60%, the highest it's ever been."

Peridot smiled. "Well, hey, there's some good news!" Everyone glared at her. "Uh, I mean, oh no. War."

Steven shook his head. "Let's keep moving." The group continued to walk through South Park, eventually coming to 1002 Avenue de los Mexicanos, the Broflovski residence. Steven rang the doorbell. After a few seconds, a man, who Steven assumed to be Kyle's dad, opened the door. They could hear a woman crying from within the house.

"Oh, hi," the man said, sounding rather depressed. "Are you friends of Kyle?"

Steven peered into the living room, where Kyle's mother was weeping. "Uh… yeah, you could say that. Is… this a bad time?"

"Actually, yes, it is," the man responded. "After the war started, our adopted Canadian son was taken away to an internment camp. We tried to fight it, but the court won't hear our case, and we just… we don't know what to do."

"IKE!" the woman inside shouted, her cries becoming louder.

Steven frowned. "I'm… really sorry that happened to you."

Kyle came down the stairs. "Who's at the door?" he asked. Upon seeing it was Steven Universe and friends, he glared. "Ugh. What do you want?"

"Kyle-"

"You told me that everything would be fine," Kyle continued. "But your stupid bitch space mom started that stupid god damn war and now my brother's in a Canadian internment camp."

Steven sighed. "Kyle, I'm really sorry. I didn't know Pearl would take this so far. I want to help you."

"I think you've 'helped' enough, Steven," Kyle said, before slamming the door.

"Who was that?" Gerald asked his son.

"Some asshole. Don't worry about it."

Steven sighed and sat down at the steps. "Great. He hates us."

"Didn't he say his brother was in an internment camp?" Connie asked. "Maybe that's that base we saw on the way in here."

Steven's eyes lit up. "Connie, you're right!" He got up and started knocking on the door again. Kyle opened it.

"What. Do you want."

"We want to help you rescue your brother!" Steven said. "He's being kept in the base outside of town, right?"

"I think so?"

"Great! Let's go!" Steven and friends started to walk off. Kyle, confused, followed him.

"Why are you helping me?" he asked. "Aren't the Crystal Gems the ones spearheading the war?"

"We aren't Crystal Gems anymore," Amethyst responded. "We split."

"Whoa, shit. So what are you guys now?"

"The good guys," Steven replied.

Kyle shook his head. "If you're going to be opposing the Crystal Gems, you need a group identity. Something that tells people you're serious and you're here to make a difference."

"We aren't 'opposing' the Crystal Gems," Peridot said, shaking her head. "We're conscientious objectors to what they're doing but we have no desire to fight them."

"Well, you don't have to fight them!" Kyle said. "You can undermine them in other ways. Like what we're doing right now."

"Look, let's just focus on getting your brother back," Steven said. "Then we can talk about how we're going to stop this war."

"Right."

The group approached the edge of the Park County Internment Camp, where hundreds of Canadians living in Colorado were being kept. Lapis flew above the camp to do a bit of reconnaissance, and though she was almost seen by a military helicopter that had been patrolling the area, she managed to get back on the ground safely.

"What did you see?" Kyle asked. "Is Ike in there?"

"You didn't tell me what Ike looked like," Lapis said. The group groaned. "Well tell me what he looks like now, I'll tell you what I saw."

"He's a little Canadian kid, with black hair, and freckles, and beady eyes and a flappy head. When they took him he was wearing a green t-shirt and—"

"Yeah, I saw him," Lapis interrupted. "He's in the southwest corner of the camp."

"Great!" Kyle said. "So, how are we going to get in there?"

Peridot smirked. "I think I have an idea."

Matt and Trey, two former K.U.N.T. soldiers who were now stationed at the Park County Internment Camp, stood in front of the heavily fortified gate with bored looks on their faces. Trey yawned.

"Why are we here?" he asked. "There's no need for us to be here. That gate is so tough, nothing's getting through it."

A third soldier, a woman named Rebecca, approached Matt and Trey. "Are you two slacking off again?" she asked. "Stand up straight."

"Hey, how's this for slacking off?" Matt asked. He farted, causing both himself and Trey to laugh.

"That's disgusting."

"Oh, what, and you think your jokes are any smarter?" Trey asked. "Go bother somebody else, Rebecca."

"Ugh." Rebecca turned back around and walked away.

Peridot and Lapis approached the wall. Following close behind them were Steven and Amethyst, who had used the magic of shape shifting to give themselves beady eyes and flappy heads, as well as Kyle and Connie. All but Peridot and Lapis were in zip ties. "I found more Canadians in South Park," Peridot said, glaring at her friends. "Those kids back there were hiding them."

"What you're doing is wrong!" Connie said.

Kyle glared at Peridot and Lapis. "Yeah, dude, you won't get away with this!"

"Let us go, uh, buddy!" Steven said, flapping his head—which was MUCH harder than it looked.

"Yeah! Let go of me, guy!" Amethyst yelled.

"Quiet, you!" Peridot spat. "Anyway, just thought I'd be a patriotic American and bring these traitors to you guys."

Matt shrugged. "Alright, you can go inside. Bring the kids in, too, so we can call their parents."

"Aw, man, I'm gonna get grounded for sure," Kyle said, faking a disappointed tone.

"Alright. We'll bring them in!" Peridot said. "Uh, no need to follow us inside, we'll figure out where to put them."

Lapis nodded. "Yeah. Don't follow us."

"Well, alright." Trey walked over and typed a code into the keypad.

Kyle whispered to Connie, "This is super weird. Matt kind of sounds like my dad, and Trey kind of sounds like Stan's dad."

"Whoa, freaky," Connie muttered.

Suddenly the doors slid open, and our heroes were allowed past the walls. "Neat!" Peridot said as she escorted her "prisoners" into the camp. "Alright, get moving, you treacherous Canadian scum! You make me sick, with your little beady eyes and your flappy-"

"Easy, Peridot," Steven muttered.

"Say, Lapis, where did you get these zip ties from, anyway?" Kyle whispered to Lapis, who shrugged.

"I wanted to try some new things with Peridot."

Once they were inside, and the doors were closed behind them, they gasped. Hundreds of Canadians were being kept here, packed together like cattle, simply because of where they were born. Steven tried to avert his eyes, and his mind; he didn't want to think about the fact that Pearl and Garnet were responsible for this travesty. He desperately hoped they weren't even aware of it. He wanted to believe they wouldn't intentionally do something like this. The sea of Canadians stared at Steven and gang and erupted in a simultaneous "How's it going, buddy?"

"Okay, let's get to finding Ike," Kyle said.

"We have to help these Canadians," Connie said, astonished at the conditions they were being kept in. "We can't just do NOTHING. We have to do SOMETHING."

"Sure, we can help these guys," Kyle replied, "but what about the others?"

"Others?"

"There are camps like this all over the country!" Kyle reasoned. "We can't go to ALL of them. And even if we could, Steven's stupid bitch lesbian space moms would catch on and stop us."

Connie looked back over at the half-Gem in question. "Steven?"

"We're going to rescue Kyle's brother," he said. "That's our mission right now. After that, we can regroup and figure out what we're doing next."

"But-!"

"We have to plan our moves. Yes, the end goal should be to free all of the Canadians and end this war. But we need to know HOW we're going to accomplish that before we get started." Steven looked around. "Do you see your brother, Kyle?"

"Ike!" Kyle yelled. "Ike, are you in here?" The group pushed past the Canadian crowd, looking for Ike. "Iiiike! Ike?"

"Blue skidoo!" Kyle could hear his brother from within the crowd.

"Ike!" Kyle ran to a corner of the crowd, where he saw Ike, cowering. "Ike! Thank god, you're okay!"

Ike smiled—or, at least, Steven thinks he did, as much as someone with a flappy head could smile—and ran into Kyle's open arms. They embraced for a moment, but when Ike opened his eyes and saw the others, he glared. "Crystal Bastard!" Ike yelled.

"Excuse me?" Peridot asked, slightly offended.

"Eat shit and die, you Crystal Fucks!"

Connie and Steven were taken aback by the toddler's foul language, but Amethyst burst out into laughter. "Oh my god, who taught your brother to talk like that?!" she said, struggling to breathe. "He's like, what, three?"

"You'll… have to excuse my brother," Kyle said, slightly embarrassed. "He's very loyal to Canada, so… I mean, the Crystal Gems DID start this war, so he kind of just wants all of you to die horrible, painful deaths."

"That's fair," Lapis said, staring blankly. "...wait, no it's not, I'm not even a Crystal Gem, Peridot is."

Steven sighed. "Ike… I'm sorry for what Pearl and Garnet are doing to you and your people. I promise, if they knew the pain they were causing, they wouldn't be doing it. But they're not thinking about this clearly. They just-"

"Stop making excuses, you fat fuck!" Ike shouted, his childlike voice still getting a few laughs out of Amethyst. "Don't say you're sorry! Fix it!"

Steven, though slightly annoyed at having been called a fat fuck, knew Ike was right. He was fat. He was also right in that Steven was just making excuses and apologizing, when he should be taking action. The Crystal Gems were doing more harm than good, and as a Crystal Gem, it would've been his job to put a stop to that.

It still WAS his job, he realized. Even if he'd renounced his membership, it was still his responsibility to fix the mess his former allies had caused, and maybe even knock some sense into them.

He may not have been a Crystal Gem anymore, but he was still the good guy. Of all the things he doubted, this was not one of them. Steven was the good guy. The hero. The protagonist of this story. A determined look appeared on his face as he looked back down at Ike.

"Ike Broflovski," he began, "you have my word. We're going to put a stop to this. To everything. The Crystal Gems are my friends, my family, and I don't expect them to be flawless, but this time, they've stepped out of line. We are GOING to end this war, and we are GOING to bring Garnet and Pearl back to their senses."

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "How are we going to do that?"

"I don't know yet," Steven admitted. "But we'll find a way!"

Connie smiled. "Yeah! We don't give up, now matter how tough things get!"

"Yeah!" Amethyst cheered.

"Yeah!" Lapis and Peridot joined in.

"Come on, guys," Steven said, waving his friends forward. "Let's get back to South Park and make a plan!"

Peridot put an arm in front of Steven and prevented him from moving forward. "Do you know how suspicious the guards would get if we just WALTZED right out?" she asked. "No, we need to find another way out."

"I could fly us over the wall!" Lapis offered.

"No, then the helicopters would see us for sure," Peridot dismissed. "Simply scaling the wall would be safer, but still risky. And I imagine Ike can't scale over by himself."

Kyle snapped. "I have an idea."

Once Kyle's plan had been explained, Lapis made her way to Stark's Pond. Once there, she began to channel thousands of gallons of water from within the pond, creating a large, watery tower which mimicked the shape of and mirrored the movements of her left hand. The water hand was tall enough that it could be seen from miles away, which is exactly what she needed.

Miles away, in a military helicopter that had been hovering over the Park County Internment Camp, Lt. Kobe and his co-pilot, A Total Red Shirt, saw the water hand rise in the distance. "What the fuck?" Kobe muttered. "Hey, Red Shirt, do you see that?"

"Hey, yeah. What is that?"

Suddenly, the hand began to move and shift. The pilots watched in awe as the figure slowly maneuvered itself and changed its form. Three fingers and a thumb moved themselves down, and the figure turned around to reveal… a giant middle finger.

Kobe glared. "Well, whatever it is, it's calling us out! Calling all units, this is Black Hawk SU-3. Report to Stark's Pond, immediately! Fuckin' bitch won't get away with this…"

Amethyst watched from atop the wall as every helicopter in the area flew towards Stark's Pond. "Alright, we have five minutes!" she yelled.

Kyle nodded, and grinned down at his brother. "Okay, Ike. Kick the baby!"

"Don't kick the motherfucking baby…" Ike groaned.

"Kick the baby!" Getting a running start, Kyle punted Ike as hard as he could, sending him upwards.

Steven jumped, caught the toddler in midair, and began to think happy thoughts. Gravity soon became irrelevant as Steven and Ike continued to soar into the air. Once over the wall, Steven allowed gravity to control his flight once more, and he landed on the ground below, baby safely in his arms.

Amethyst helped Kyle and Connie over the wall by extending her arms to be super long, which sort of grossed Kyle out. Peridot floated over the wall on a trash can lid, and the four rejoined Steven and Ike. Kyle was relieved to see Ike was safe and sound as Steven put the baby down, while Peridot spoke into her phone.

"Alright, Lapis, we're over the wall," she said. "Meet us back in South Park."

"Got it," Lapis replied. In the distance, the group could see the giant middle finger disappear, confusing the helicopter pilots that had been flying towards it.

"Alright, let's get out of here!" Kyle said. The group ran back towards town, running right past Trey, Matt, and Rebecca, who were blissfully unaware that they'd been duped.

The entire town of South Park had gathered in the local church, praying for a quick end to the Second Canadian-American War. Even the Broflovskis, South Park's only Jewish family, were there. As memories of the first war flooded back into Sheila's mind, she wept, both missing her Canadian son and wondering if her selfish actions so many years ago had inspired such a pointless crusade.

Priest Maxi stood at the altar. He took a deep breath and addressed the town. "Welcome. In recent years, we have treated the house of god merely as a place of worship; a place where I can read to you the same six bible verses over, and over, and over again; and, unfortunately, a place where we have taught division over unity.

"Today, however, I would like to return this building to its original purpose. The Church of South Park started as a place of gathering. A place of community. A place of togetherness." Maxi glanced over at the troubled Hebrew family. "With us, today, are our friends and neighbors, the Broflovskis, whose adopted Canadian son was taken from them by the military. Although they did no wrong, they have been punished as though they had. Their troubles are, of course, one of the many terrible side effects that are to come from this unjust war with our neighbors to the north.

"I'm going to ask that you all join me in sending the Broflovskis our thoughts and prayers, in the hopes that one of those thoughts or one of those prayers will somehow carry the power to bring Ike Broflovski back to his home."

The entire town began to recite a prayer. "O, lord. Please hear our thoughts and prayers," they said. "Please accept our thoughts and our prayers in place of us actually going out and doing something, like lobbying our senators, or participating in the community. Please understand that while we would love to go out and prevent a war, or protect a small child from being maimed or murdered, we cannot practically do that ourselves or convince others that they should do so, so we rely on you for guidance and-"

The church doors opened. PC Principal walked in. "Are you all fucking SERIOUS?!" he yelled, glaring at the townspeople. "THIS is how you're going to solve this crisis?! By sending your thoughts and prayers?! What the fuck is that gonna do?!" He waited for an answer, but he didn't get one. "Well while you bunch of Pussy Rubios have been sitting here 'praying' for the safe return of one of South Park Elementary's brightest students, THESE CHILDREN went out and actually got something fucking done! How does that feel, you guys? ACTUAL CHILDREN are better at fixing your bullshit than the fucking adults are."

PC Principal stepped aside, allowing in Kyle, Steven, Amethyst, Connie, Peridot, Lapis, and finally, Ike to step in. Sheila and Gerald stood up, gasping in surprise.

"Ike!" Sheila yelled, getting up and running towards her baby. "Oh, Ike, I'm so glad you're safe!" She hugged her son tightly.

Father Maxi smiled. "Hey, look, everyone! Our thoughts and prayers worked!"

Sheila glanced over at her biological son. "Kyle, did- did you do this?"

Kyle shrugged. "Well, actually, I had a bit of help from these guys," he said, gesturing to Steven and his friends. "They're the ones who decided to take action and help me rescue Ike."

Gerald looked at the others curiously. "Who are you?"

"We're the Crystal Gems!" Steven exclaimed. To his surprise, although, perhaps he shouldn't have been surprised, his proclamation was met with hisses and boos from literally everyone in attendance.

"Sheesh. Tough crowd," Amethyst muttered.

"The Crystal Gems?" Stephen Stotch asked, standing up. "Well, they're the ones who started this mess in the first place! Fuck those guys!"

Everyone else seemed to agree. "Yeah! Rabble rabble rabble-"

"Wait, wait!" Steven tried to sedate the crowd, moving up to the front of the church as he held his hands up. "I misspoke. We WERE the Crystal Gems. Now we just… kind of do our own thing. And… I get it. Your grievances are TOTALLY fair, the Crystal Gems have WAY overstepped their bounds. But… just hear us out, okay? I know you all have a lot of problems with what Pearl

and Garnet are doing right now—"

"Well, WE don't!" one man said from the crowd. Bob White stood up and gestured to his wife and two children. "The WHITES are just fine with what the Crystal Gems are doing! They've never done wrong by the Whites!"

Randy Marsh groaned from across the aisle. "Ugh, Bob, come on, not now."

"No! The voices of the Whites have been stifled long enough in South Park!" Bob yelled. "The Crystal Gems are making this country safe again!"

"Bob, they're putting Canadians in gulags," Randy responded, rolling his eyes.

"So? And you think, if Hillary Clinton were President right now, SHE wouldn't be putting Canadians in gulags? Hillary would've done that and more! But nobody ever thinks about how much worse HILLARY would have been."

Randy pinched his nose bridge. "Jesus Christ, Bob…"

"I'm JUST saying!"

"And WE'RE just saying, Hillary Clinton isn't the President right now," Randy argued, glaring at Bob. "This isn't about her, quit bringing up shit that's not relevant."

Steven shook his head. "Okay, well, I know the vast majority of you have a problem with what the Crystal-"

"And that's another thing!" Bob said, standing up again. "The Whites are becoming a minority in South Park! The Whites helped FOUND South Park, my great grandparents lived here, and now we're a minority voice! It seems to me like there's some kind of White genocide going on here!"

(Kyle and Connie shot each other half-lidded looks upon hearing this statement.)

Steven stared at Mr. White. "Do you have anything else to add?" he asked.

"I'm… no, I don't."

"Okay, great. So, MOST of you have a problem with what the Crystal Gems are doing," Steven continued. "Uh, excluding the Whites, of course. That's great, because so do we. We LEFT the Crystal Gems because we didn't like what they were doing. I know that you guys are all upset, and you have every right to be. Maybe some of this is my fault. So if it is, I'm sorry. I really am. But we have a plan!"

PC Principal walked to the front of the room and stood next to Steven. "Alright everyone, listen up," he said. "The longer this war goes on, the higher the death toll gets and the more we risk destroying our planet. It's clear that the Crystal Gems and the President need to be stopped."

Randy stood up. "Well, OBVIOUSLY," he said. "But what are WE supposed to do?"

"We can undermine them from behind the scenes," PC Principal responded. "Hello? Everyone? Have you all forgotten? South Park is woke AF now. Okay? We have our third eye open. In the face of adversity, our PC is stronger than ever. La Resistance lives on."

"La Resistance?" Mayor McDaniels asked, standing up. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"There are internment camps all across the nation illegally holding Canadians," PC Principal explained. "Mayor, what I'm asking of you is to embrace your inner PC, and turn South Park into a Sanctuary City, to keep these Canadians safe from government oppression."

Steven nodded. "Me and the rest of the former Crystal Gems are going to start going around to as many of the camps as we can and freeing the Canadians imprisoned there. While we're doing that, we're going to figure out how else we can undermine the war effort."

"We have to remember, it's the PEOPLE who give the government power," PC Principal added. "If we don't cooperate, they'll have to take their attention away from the war."

The Mayor smiled. "Hey, yeah! A Sanctuary City! We'll make tons of money from all of the Canadians who'll have to come live here!"

Steven frowned. "Uh- that- that wasn't really the point, but okay, sure. So, who's with me?"

Everyone in town (except the Whites) cheered for Steven and PC Principal's plan.

"Great!" Steven started to walk out. "We have work to do."

"Hey, wait up," Stan Marsh said, stepping out into the aisle to follow Steven. Kenny and Cartman joined as well. "We want to help."

Steven smiled as Butters and several other kids he didn't know joined. "I knew I could count on you guys!"

Tweek twitched. "Ack! The Crystal Gems need to be stopped, man!"

"Yeah, they're being bitches," Craig affirmed. "We want to help too."

"But if we're gonna go around doing this shit, we need to come up with a kickass name," Stan said. "La Resistance is SO late 90s."

Kyle snapped his fingers. "How about the 'Crystal Renegades'?"

Peridot smiled. "I like the sound of that."

"Yeah!" Amethyst agreed. "That name totally sounds like we're ready to kick ass!"

The kids all thought the name was a good idea. "So it's agreed!" Steven laughed. "Team—welcome to the Crystal Renegades!" Everyone put their hands in. "For justice!" they all cheered together.

The President met with several of his aides and cabinet members on the war strategy. The dominator of the meeting, however, was Pearl.

"We need to stop sending our troops into Ottawa," she said. Garrison raised his eyebrow.

"What? Why? That's their capital."

"Do you REALLY think they're stupid enough to maintain their government this close to the border during a war?" Pearl asked. "No, they've likely moved their capital. We need to begin looking at other targets."

An aide entered the room. "Ms. Pearl, somebody is on the phone for you."

"Who?"

"They wouldn't say. They only said that they have information that is PERTINENT to the war effort."

Pearl raised an eyebrow and picked up the nearby landline. "This is Pearl."

"You really need to get your people under control," the voice said.

"Who is this?"

"That doesn't matter. There's a group within the United States looking to undermine your work. They're calling themselves the 'Crystal Renegades', or something. It's a pretty big deal. If you want this war to go smoothly, you better start looking into that. Be sure to thank the Whites when you win." They hung up. Pearl stared at the receiver, confused.

"Who was it?" Garrison asked.

"I don't know… all he said was to… 'thank the Whites'."

Garrison sighed. "Thank god for the Whites," he muttered. "What did he say?"

"There's a group of rebels in the country. But that's not a problem."

"How is that not a problem?"

Pearl smiled. "We've brought in somebody who knows how to win wars. She'll put a stop to any sabotage attempts before they begin." She called out to the next room. "You can come in now… Bismuth."

Bismuth entered the room, grinning. She leaned against the wall and stared at the others in the room. "Great to be back," she said.

CLASSi looked up from filing her nails. "Ohh, shit, we're about to get real up in this bitch," she muttered.

It was Satan's turn to wash the dishes, and he was a DAMN good dishwasher. Steve walked in and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek. "Hey, babe, the mail came in. This is yours," he said as he handed Satan a letter.

"Oh, is this the list of damned souls for March?" Satan asked. "Thank you, Steve." Putting down the dishes, he opened the letter and read the list. He frowned. This couldn't be right. Right at the top of the list was a name he didn't think he was going to see on there any time soon.

Lapis Lazuli, Facet 6G9L, Cut-7MC.

"Ohhh, shit."