A/N: This chapter is slightly shorter than usual, because I spent about three days writing an entirely different chapter before ditching it. The one I ditched got uploaded as an intermission, so read that if you haven't already.

"BREAKING NEWS!"

Previously incarcerated news anchor Tim Hairpiece shuffled his notes and stared at the camera. "As we enter the third week of the Canadian-American War, confusion strikes on the east coast as several internment camps designed to hold Canadian nationals for the duration of the war appear to have somehow LOST their prisoners. On the scene of a recent case in Empire City is A Midget Wearing a Pair of Cowboy Boots."

The Midget Wearing a Pair of Cowboy Boots (as well as a bikini) stood in front of a Canadian internment camp just outside of Empire City. Behind him, one could see several police cars and confused members of the US military. "Tim, behind me is the Empire City Internment Camp, where several THOUSAND Canadian prisoners appear to have disappeared overnight. General Cock McNuggets, the commander of the armed forces in Empire City, says he has 'no idea' how this could have happened."

The footage cut to earlier in the day, when General Cock McNuggets was interviewed. "We have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on," he said. "We believe this to be a deliberate act of sabotage conducted by Canadian agents acting on US soil."

The footage cut back to the Midget. "Authorities are still unsure on just HOW more than three thousand Canadians can just go missing unnoticed, but an investigation has been opened up into this incident and several like it across the United States."

Tim nodded. "Thanks, Midget. It seems the question still remains; just WHO is responsible for these attacks?"

Sharon Marsh yawned as she walked down the stairs. Her morning was just beginning, and she needed a cup of coffee. As she made her way towards the kitchen, she walked past her husband and the fully-grown lion in her living room. "Good morning, Randy," she muttered groggily.

"Mornin' Sharon," Randy said, not looking up from the TV.

Sharon stopped. Something wasn't right. She turned around.

A fully grown lion was lying on her living room floor. And Randy was just casually sitting next to it.

"Randy."

"Yeah, Sharon?"

"Is that a lion?"

Randy glanced at the lion. "Yeah, it's Steven Universe's pet."

"He has a pet lion."

"Yeah, it used to be his mom's or something."

Sharon blinked and stared at Lion for a bit, before shaking her head and walking back into the kitchen. It was too early for this.

After Sharon left, one of Lion's ears twitched. He glanced up, confused at first, before realizing he was being called. Yawning, he summoned a portal in front of him and disappeared into it—all of this absolutely failed to faze Randy, who took a sip of his gluten-free beer. A few seconds later, Lion returned, carrying the Crystal Renegades. Steven spoke into Lion's mane.

"Ok, you guys can come out, now!"

Hundreds of Canadians poured out of Lion's mane, one after the other in a line, each one gasping for breath as they ran out.

"Thanks, buddy!"

"Appreciate it, guy!"

*fart*

"Thanks a lot, friend!"

Once the Canadians were gone, the group hopped off of Lion. Stan walked over to the TV to look at the news report—they were talking about the internment camp that the Renegades had JUST gotten done breaking into. He smirked.

"Hey guys, we made the news!"

Cartman, Kenny, and Kyle approached the TV. "Hah! And they don't even know we're the ones who did it!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Kickass," Cartman said, smiling.

Steven brushed cat hair off of his shirt as he joined the boys. "Well, gang, I'M going to call that one a successful mission."

"Indeed!" Peridot confirmed. "Our tactical abilities are FAR superior to the military's. The Crystal Gems don't stand a chance!"

Amethyst blew raspberries at the TV. "Suck it, P! Get better security next time!"

"So, what's next on the agenda?" Connie asked. "There's still a war happening, so we can't afford to get to cocky with our successes!"

"Connie's right, this is only the beginning!" Steven exclaimed. "Our next plan of action is sort of risky."

"What is it?" Butters asked, tilting his head.

"We need to head back to Beach City," Amethyst explained. "OBVIOUSLY, that's deep into enemy territory, but there are a few Gems that have been bubbled at our temple that we need to release."

Peridot winced. "Ugh, we're not freeing that other Peridot, are we?"

"Who, Squaridot?" Steven asked. He thought about it for a moment. "Well, we could…"

"But FIRST, our priority is Granite, Citrine, and Canadian Pearl," Amethyst said. "They're older Crystal Gems that Pearl decided to keep bubbled. We need to free them."

Randy, having only just tuned into the conversation, stared at the Renegades. "Whoa, wait, you guys aren't heading into Beach City, are you?"

"We have to," Steven said. "We have to free those Gems."

Randy sighed. "Be careful. If Pearl catches you, who knows what she'll do?"

Stan rolled his eyes. "Come on, dad. Like she's ACTUALLY gonna lay a finger on us."

Bismuth stabbed a steak knife directly into the table below her. Between the knife and the table was a map of the United States. The knife had been sunk into the area of the map where one could find Empire City. "The Renegades were there…" she muttered. "How has nobody caught them yet?"

"More importantly, how were they able to free all of those Canadians without anyone even identifying WHO they were?" President Garrison asked.

Pearl crossed her arms and glared at the President. "You never told me you'd be imprisoning all of the Canadian-Americans."

Garrison shrugged. "Hey, waging war is a dirty line of work."

"Yes but the goal is to teach the Canadian GOVERNMENT a lesson," Pearl said. "That's why I've ordered your military to only attack MILITARY targets."

"Hmmmm…" Bismuth hummed. "There's an internment camp in Beach City, isn't there?"

"Well, yeah, of course there is," Garrison answered. "Why?"

"Garnet, Pearl, come with me," Bismuth said. "The Renegades are BOUND to show up at the Beach City camp. We can stop them." Bismuth did a quick headcount. "...hey, wait, I haven't seen Amethyst since I was released."

Pearl nodded. "Yes, I sent her into town to put up posters to promote the war effort."

Bismuth blinked. "How long ago was this?"

"About three weeks."

"And she's not back yet."

"Yes, well-" Pearl stopped. "She… huh."

Garnet hummed and put a finger to her chin. "I haven't seen Lapis or Peridot lately, either."

Bismuth realized something. "Have you seen Rose Quartz since the war began?"

Pearl shook her head. "Steven? My goodness, no, I didn't feel it would be right to force him to participate in this."

"So let me get this straight," Bismuth said, things beginning to click in her mind. "You haven't seen more than half of your allies since the war began. You previously told me that Amethyst, Peridot, and Steven have ALL voiced objections to this war. A mysterious group calling themselves the 'Crystal Renegades' has been going around and sabotaging our efforts, in ways that ONLY other Gems could do so. And it still hasn't clicked for you just WHO those Renegades are?"

Pearl shook her head. "No, and I also don't see how any of what you're saying is related."

A White House aide entered the room. "Mr. President, the Attorney General would like to have a word with you."

Garrison stood up. "I gotta take this, you guys."

The Crystal Renegades approached the Beach City limits, decked out in their new uniforms, which consisted of new outfits with upside down, hollowed out, five-pointed stars on the front. Steven and Connie each had a large one on the front of their shirts. Peridot wore a new, long-sleeve jumpsuit with a star on each of her knees and elbows. Lapis got a new dress, which was a darker blue than her old one and stretched a black star across her chest, while Amethyst just drew a black star on her white t-shirt with a sharpie, because she was lazy.

Joining that group was Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman, all of whom similarly wore stars. Everybody wore earpieces as Ike coordinated the mission over Discord. Butters, who designed most of the outfits with Wendy and Tweek, stayed behind, as did various other children of South Park, all of whom pledged to help stop the war in some way.

Steven looked up into the sky. Just like back in South Park, several military helicopters hovered over Beach City. He frowned. "This isn't Beach City, this is a war zone…" he muttered.

"Gee, be careful, fellas!" Butters warned over the earpiece.

"You have to get in and get out, don't get distracted by anything!" said Wendy.

Kyle nodded. "Ike. Do you have the aerial photos pulled up?"

"Cookie Monster!" Ike exclaimed. That meant "yes".

Peridot shot Kyle a confused look. "I thought your brother was an underdeveloped human infant. How is he doing all of this?"

"Ike's a genius, dude. I think his mom listened to jazz or something while she was pregnant."

"I thought he was adopted?" Lapis asked, tilting her head.

"Well he still had to come from SOMEWHERE," Steven said.

"He did? I thought the point of adoption was you don't have to be born."

Peridot hummed. "Hmmm. We may need to rethink some of our plans for the future…"

Steven's eyes widened. "Whoa, what?!"

Kyle shook his head. "No, no, the point of adoption is you don't have to GIVE birth. The baby is still BORN."

"But then where does it come from?" Lapis asked.

"It comes from somebody else."

This confused Peridot even more. "Wait, but then doesn't the baby belong to the other person?"

"No, they don't want it," Cartman clarified.

Lapis frowned. "Wow, that's really sad. Can you tell Ike I'm sorry he's not wanted?"

"No, he's-" Kyle pinched his nose bridge, as Stan would have. "Sometimes there are people who can't raise children, because they can't afford it, or something. When you adopt, you're bringing that child to a loving home where they actually ARE wanted."

Peridot smiled. "Oh, well why didn't you say that before?"

"Are you guys planning to-?" Steven began to ask, but his thought was interrupted by Craig, who spoke over the earpiece.

"Can you guys focus on the mission?" he said. "This conversation is boring the fuck out of me."

Steven snapped back to attention. "Right! We have a job to do, you guys. Let's go!"

As the group marched into Beach City, Cartman started whining. "You know, none of this would have happened if Bird Mom wasn't such a huge fuckin' bitch."

Steven glared back at Cartman. "Don't call Pearl a bitch, Eric."

"Oh, I'm sorry, she's being totally fuckin' reasonable right now," Cartman said, rolling his eyes. "You know, Pearl has a lot in common with Kyle's mom, because they're both big fat fucking bitches."

"My mom was AGAINST this war, fatass!" Kyle argued.

"Yeah, this time." Cartman turned his attention back to Steven. "Look, you just have to admit to yourself that Pearl is a lanky fucking bitch."

"But she's not!" Steven protested. "She's just… making a lot of really bad decisions right now."

"Yeah, a lot of really bad bitch-y decisions."

Once the group was in Beach City proper, Steven was relieved to find that things hadn't changed TOO much. Sure, there were military helicopters flying over the city and there were more police vehicles parked on the streets than usual, but at least the military wasn't conducting a death march or anything. He raised an eyebrow as several townspeople marched by, carrying signs and wearing Crystal Gems Against Canada t-shirts.

"Blame Canada! Blame Canada!" they chanted. "It seems that everything's gone wrong since Canada came along, Blame Canada, Blame Canada…"

"Well, it appears the people of Beach City are rather… enthusiastic," Peridot muttered.

"Told you, this is all Pearl's fault, she's a bitch," Cartman said.

Steven sighed. Suddenly, he saw Sadie across the street—at the same time, Sadie saw him.

"Steven!" she yelled, running to hug her friend. "There you are! I heard you were shot, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. What's… going on here? Why is everyone having these anti-Canada rallies?" Steven asked.

"Are you living under a rock or something? We're at war!"

"Yeah, I know that, but I didn't expect YOU GUYS to be for that."

Sadie stared at the marching crowd. "Oh, yeah, that. They're a little over-the-top. But the Canadian government can't keep getting away with stuff like that!"

"I'm the one who GOT SHOT and I don't want this to be happening!" Steven protested, now a little annoyed that literally everyone else was pissed off on his behalf. "How come I keep TELLING PEOPLE what I want, and then THEY turn around and tell ME what I want!"

"You're a kid, you don't know what you want," Sadie said.

"STOP SAYING THAT!"

Peridot put an arm on Steven's shoulder. "Steven, come on, we need to get to the temple."

Steven sighed and turned. His eyes practically bugged out of his face when he saw what was going on at the Big Donut. "You're BURNING it?!" he yelled, shocked at the military officers that were currently dousing his favorite donut shop in kerosene. Again.

"Big Donut's Canadian, kid," one of the officers stated plainly. "If it's Canadian, it either gets burned down, or sent to that internment camp a few miles down the road."

Connie started dragging Steven along. "Come ON, we don't have time for this."

Cartman walked ahead. "Yeah, seriously, it's just a donut shop."

"Okay, next up, bring me that crate of Cheesy Poofs," the officer said to another officer. Cartman stopped in his tracks.

"Ch-Cheesy Poofs?" He walked over to the military personnel. "What are you doing with the Cheesy Poofs?"

"We're burning it. Cheesy Poofs are Canadian."

"Don't you dare-" Cartman's eyes widened as they tossed an entire crate of Cheesy Poofs into the fire. "No! NOO! What the fuck?!" Stan and Kyle rolled their eyes and dragged Cartman away. "Let go! Let go of me! This is bullshit, they're burning all the fucking Cheesy Poofs!"

"Come on, Cartman, we have a mission," Kyle said.

The group approached the temple, although Cartman and Steven were slightly less enthusiastic than before, having watched their favorite things get burned. Steven tapped his headset. "Ike, do you have the satellite maps up?"

"Roger that!" a different voice exclaimed cheerfully. "Hi there, Crystal Renegades! It's me, Ruby!"

Steven raised an eyebrow. "Ruby?"

Kyle nodded. "Yeah, a bunch of Rubies live in South Park now. They're helping Ike monitor the mission."

"Oh. Oh, DIFFERENT Rubies."

"Why, do you know a different Ruby?"

Steven nodded. "Yeah, uh, you could say that. Anyway, Ruby, welcome to the team. I need you to let us know if anyone else approaches the temple. Can you do that?"

"Aye-aye, captain! And while we're on this mission, maybe we can discuss the defective Peridot you have in your group!"

Peridot scrunched up her nose. "Defective? Why don't you say that to my face, you CLOD?"

"I tried, but nobody would let me see you!"

"Peridot's not DEFECTIVE," Steven said as he entered the beach house. "I already told you that."

"Yeah, and even if I was, asserting that that's a bad thing is ABLEIST!" Peridot argued. "So you'd best watch your step, or I'll have the whole internet coming down on you so hard-"

"This is your temple?" Kyle asked. "It just looks like a regular beach house."

"Yeah, where's the actual 'temple' part?" Stan asked. "I've been in the house before, not the temple."

"It's behind the big door!" Butters said over the headset. "L-Lapis told me last time me and Eric were here…"

Steven approached the door, behind the warp pad. "Let's hope my mom's room cooperates with me today…" The artificial Rose Quartz Gemstone on the door reacted with Steven's Gemstone, and the door came open. He sighed. "Alright, guys. Follow me."

"Whoa, this is cool," Kyle said as they began to enter, before Connie stopped him.

"Uh… you MAY want to brace yourself," she said. "Sometimes things get a bit… crazy in here."

"Whoa, shit, did you have sex in here or something?" Kenny asked. Connie just stared at him and stuttered.

"Uh… uh, n-no?" she said, absolutely baffled that this nine year-old boy a) knew anything about sex, and b) was now asking her, a twelve year old, if she'd had it. These South Park kids… were starting to creep her out a little. The better they went back to where they belonged, the better.

The Crystal Renegades entered Rose Quartz's room, which appeared to simply be an endless cloudscape. Kyle looked around. "This doesn't look helpful. Where's the room where you keep all of the prisoners or whatever?"

Steven took in a deep breath. "Room, show me the Burning Room." Suddenly, their surroundings changed, and the group found themselves in an insanely hot, circular room with bubbles throughout and a large pool of lava in the center.

"Whoa, shit," Cartman said, twisting himself around to take in his surroundings. "How the fuck…?"

"Okay, now Room," Steven said, mentally kicking himself. "Show us a way to the ACTUAL Burning Room." A door appeared on the wall, which Steven led the Renegades to. "You have to be really, really specific, or else it… uh… glitches."

As the group stepped into the real Burning Room, Peridot shivered. Lapis looked over at her. "It's, like, a hundred degrees in here."

"I know. I'm just… really spooked."

"Why?"

Peridot glanced over at one of the nearby bubbles, which, as it turned out, housed Squaridot. "That could have been me," she muttered. "If it hadn't been for Steven, I would still be trapped in here, for who knows how long. God, I used to be… such a bad person."

"But you aren't anymore," Lapis pointed out. "None of us are the same person we were before we met Steven."

Cartman walked past Lapis as she said this. "Man, Pearl's keeping prisoners in HERE? She really IS a big old bitch."

Lapis glared at him. "Okay. Some of us are the same person."

Peridot glanced over at the lava pit in the center. "Uh, Kenny, don't stand too close to that," she said.

"You don't have to tell me twice," Kenny muttered.

Amethyst examined several bubbles—specifically, ones that had been created by Pearl. "Okay… where are they…? They've got to be around here somewhere."

Cartman approached a few bubbles. "Oh, wow, these look nice." He started grabbing anything that looked pretty to him.

"Cartman, what the hell are you doing?" Stan asked.

"What? They aren't using these," Cartman excused. "So like, what's the problem?"

Kyle approached Cartman. "Cartman, put that down."

"Make me!"

"Fine! I will!" Kyle grabbed one of the bubbles and started to tug it away from Cartman, who pulled back.

"HEY! Give that back, you fuckin' Jews have everything you want, just give me this one thing!"

Steven was distracted from his search by the commotion. His eyes widened when he saw what was going on. "AHH! Kyle, Eric! Put that down!"

"You heard him, Kyle!" Cartman said, struggling to hold on to the bubble. "Drop it!"

"You first, fatass!"

"Fuckin' dirty Jew!"

"Fat fuck!"

Connie winced at every insult. "Jeez, don't you guys know how to be friends?"

"Shut up, Connie!" Kyle and Cartman yelled simultaneously.

"Why don't you go fly another plane into the twin towers?" Cartman said, absolutely nothing but bile in his words.

"Fuck you Cartman, not all Muslims are terrorists!" Kyle yelled.

"I'm also not Muslim," Connie said, glaring at Cartman and Kyle.

"Ahh, you all look the same to me," Cartman said, returning his attention to the bubble. "Put it down, Kyle!"

Peridot rolled her eyes at the children. As her eyes came to rest on Lapis, however, she noticed the ocean Gem looked slightly troubled. "Lapis?" No response. "Lapis, what's wrong?"

Lapis slowly raised a finger to point at the bubble the boys were fighting over. "That Gem…"

Peridot looked back over at the bubble. Her eyes widened. That was… "Oh, crap! Put that down, you two, you have no idea what you're-!"

The bubble slipped out of the boys' grasp. Everyone watched in suspense as the bubble soared in the air, then landed rather roughly on a brick with the corner sticking out. The entire bubble expanded, then popped, leaving the Gem—Jasper's Gem—lying on the floor. Everyone stared at it.

"Somebody, bubble it!" Steven yelled, as he and the other Gems ran toward it. But it was too late. The Gem began to glow, and a white light expanded around it. Lapis stepped back, unable to deal with this—she noticed, however, that Jasper was taking a rather… interesting form.

She was on all fours, her hair had grown to an unnatural length, gross-looking dark splotches covered her skin (re-vitiligo?) and her entire body was covered in large spikes—even her eyes, which made Lapis question how exactly Jasper could see anything. She looked like… a monster. Once she was fully reformed, she let out a feral roar.

"What the hell happened to her?!" Lapis yelled over the roar.

"I told you, she's suffering from an extreme case of corruption!" Peridot yelled back, fearing for her life. "I don't know how, she fused with a corrupted Gem, and then SHE got it! Like… like…"

Stan blinked. "Like AIDS?!" he yelled. "Is corruption like AIDS?! Is that what that's supposed to be?!"

"We need to poof her!" Steven yelled. "Stan, .Kyle, Kenny, Eric! You need to get back!"

"Oh, hamburgers!" Butters yelled over the earpiece. "Run, fellas!"

The boys scattered—Kenny faster than the others—and ran to the other end of the room, hiding with the rest of the Renegades. "What's the plan?" Kyle asked.

"The plan is for YOU FOUR to get back into the house and let us handle it," Amethyst said, pulling out her whip.

"Oh, fuck that, we're helping!" Stan argued. "Just tell us what we need to do."

"You need to get out of here!" Connie said, unsheathing Rose Quartz's sword. "You have NO IDEA what you're dealing with!"

Glaring, Stan looked around the room. He'd killed Scuzzlebutt, this asshole wasn't any different, just bigger. And deadlier. "Come on, guys," he said to his friends, as they walked away.

Peridot assumed a battle stance. "Alright, Jasper, I took you out once before! I can do it agai-" Jasper smacked Peridot away, sending her flying into the wall. The back of her head smacked the wall rather hard, making her dizzy. She fell back down to the floor. "Ugh… is that… all you've got?" she asked, her voice muffled as her face was pressed against the floor.

Amethyst looked over at Steven. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Smokey Quartz?"

"Hell yeah."

"What the fuck is 'Smokey Quartz'?" Clyde asked over the earpiece. "That sounds like a euphemism or something."

Steven and Amethyst nodded and assumed the formation they usually took when preparing to fuse. Before they could get started, however, Steven looked up at Jasper, and noticed a little fatty lump on her neck.

That fatty lump was Eric Cartman, who had climbed on top of Jasper. Steven gasped. "Eric! Get down from there!"

Cartman held a rope in his hand, which was tied into a loop. Steven followed the rope with his eyes, and saw that Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were holding on to the other end. Using the rope, Cartman lassoed Jasper, who started struggling.

"What are you four DOING?!" Lapis asked, alarmed. "Are you suicidal or something?!"

"We can fucking handle ourselves!" Stan said. "You guys aren't the only ones who've fought big monsters- oh, shit." Jasper started running, dragging the boys along with her. Cartman gripped her mane to stay on top of her, but seemed to realize something.

He let go of the mane, and grabbed the rope. Jasper skidded to a stop, sending Cartman flying off. As he was holding the rope, however, he was able to cling to it, and swung around Jasper with Stan, Kyle, and Kenny. The four boys landed back on top of her, and pulled back on the rope. Jasper, being led by the rope, reered around, and began running in the other direction.

"Are they… are they breaking Jasper?!" Peridot asked, simultaneously impressed and disturbed.

Stan looked over at a pillar on the other side of the room. "Okay, guys, on three. One… two… THREE!" The boys yanked the rope, again sending Jasper in a different direction. She began to run as fast as possible towards the pillar. "Okay, guys… JUMP!" The boys jumped off just as Jasper collided with the pillar, destroying it and sending it toppling onto her. She poofed a moment later.

The dust covered the area. Steven gripped his hair, fearing the worst… until Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman marched out of the cloud, totally unscathed.

"And THAT'S how we get shit done in South Park," Stan boasted.

Steven's mouth was agape. "You guys… have no idea… how dangerous that was…" he managed to get out. "That was so irresponsible… and reckless… and AWESOME!" Stars appeared in Steven's eyes as he began to list off all the things that made what the boys just did totally badass. "You don't have any magic powers, no magic Gem weapons, you don't even have any special training or magical destiny… but you DID IT! You poofed Jasper with nothing but your street smarts and some rope!"

"AND, in the commotion, I found the Gems we're looking for!" Amethyst exclaimed. In her arms were the three bubbles they'd needed to find, as Peridot made her way to Jasper's gemstone and bubbled it.

"Um, what are you doing with that?" Lapis asked.

"I'm bubbling Jasper so she doesn't get out again," Peridot responded.

"Right, but you aren't sending that back to the barn, are you?"

Peridot looked at the bubble, rolled her eyes, and sighed. "Well, I wanted to keep it as a trophy, but if having it around makes you uncomfortable, I suppose I'll just leave it here."

Lapis rolled her eyes and smirked at how much Peridot attempted to keep up the condescending schtick, even though she knew the green Gem was mentally kicking herself for even considering bringing Jasper back to the barn. Still, if keeping up the appearance that she didn't actually care about anyone else's feelings made the small Gem feel big, who was Lapis to take that away from her?

Kyle watched as Peridot handled the bubble. "So… what does that actually DO?" he asked. "Like, what does putting it in a bubble do?"

Peridot sighed. "Jasper used to be like us. She wasn't a Crystal Gem, but she was… uh, sentient enough to know what she was doing. Gems like me and Jasper fought on the wrong side for a very long time, and fortunately, the Crystal Gems took me in after I got stranded on Earth, but Jasper… Jasper wasn't so lucky. She let her hatred consume her, and her addiction to power made her fuse with a corrupted Gem.

"I think you see what the result of that was," Peridot continued. "After she became… THAT, we were forced to-"

"Put her down?" Kyle asked, tilting her head.

"Something like that. Inside this bubble, Jasper is safe," Peridot concluded. "She's not in any pain… she doesn't even know that time is passing. This is the most humane thing we can do for all of these corrupted Gems," she said, gesturing to the hundreds of bubbles behind her.

Kyle stepped forward. "All of these bubbles… have Gems in them?"

"It's the best home for them."

"Is there a cure?"

Peridot glanced over at Steven, who was examining the three Gems they'd come here for. "Steven sure thinks so… and I HOPE so… but realistically speaking, trying to find one is a fool's errand." Peridot thought back to her recurring headaches, and sighed. Lately the idea that she was carrying trace amounts of corruption had popped back into her mind. She tried to push them out, but…

Steven popped the bubbles, immediately, the three former Crystal Gems—Granite, Citrine, and Canadian Pearl—reformed, with Granite finally finishing that sentence she'd started. "CAN I FINISH?!" she asked, her beady little eyes glaring. "PLEASE, CAN I FINISH…?! What the fuck? Where are we, buddy?"

"We'll explain later!" Steven said. "For right now, you need to follow us back to South Park."

"How long were we out?" Citrine asked.

"About ten weeks," Amethyst answered. "...give or take a couple of weeks."

"Those asshole Crystal Gems!" Granite's flappy head flapped. "You! You're one of them!"

"Nuh uh, not anymore I'm not," Amethyst denied. "We're here to free you."

Stan blinked. "There are Canadian Gems," he said flatly. "That's so fucking retarded. That doesn't make any fucking sense."

"So, the Crystal Gems kept you here for three months," Cartman hummed. "Sounds to me like someone's a huge fucking bitch."

Steven rolled his eyes. "Eric, now isn't the time."

The group made their way back through the temple, into the beach house. Cartman continued to taunt Steven. "Pearl's such a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world…"

"Can you knock it off?" Steven asked.

"Not until you admit it." The group stepped out of the house. "You know I'm right."

"We'll talk about this later, Eric."

"On Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday she's a bitch, on Wednesday and Thursday she's a bitch…"

"Seriously Cartman, shut up," Kyle said, glaring.

"I WILL shut up. Just as soon as Steven admits that Pearl is a King Kamehameha biyotch. Come on, guys, you all know the words."

"Have you ever met the Crystal Gem Pearl?

"She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world

"She's a mean old bitch, and she has stupid hair,

"She's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch."

Steven glared at Cartman, but his glare became a confused look as he realized that Stan, Kenny, and Lapis were all singing along.

"Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch

"She's a stupid bitch!"

Peridot and Amethyst had both joined in at this point.

"Pearl's such a bitch,

"Yeah she's such a dirty bitch!"

"Alright, fine!" Steven yelled, fed up with it. "I admit it!"

"Uh, fellas, there's something on the satellite-" Butters began, although Steven threw off his earpiece.

"Pearl's a bitch!" Steven admitted, hoping it would shut Cartman up. "She doesn't listen to me, she doesn't take my feelings into account, she goes off on her own crusades without thinking about the consequences, she's just… a bitch! Are you happy now, Cartman?!"

Cartman stared at Steven, shocked. In fact, everyone looked shocked. In fact, they weren't even looking at Steven. They were looking behind Steven.

"...what?" Steven turned around, and was greeted by Pearl, Garnet, and Bismuth. Pearl looked shocked and appalled. "...crud."

"Steven?!" Pearl asked. "What are you doing?!"

Granite glared. "Well, if it isn't the stupid bitch in question!"

Pearl's eyes widened. She, Garnet, and Bismuth assumed battle stances. "Children, get back!" she commanded. "These must be the Crystal Renegades! I should have known! How did you three escape?!"

"They aren't the Crystal Renegades," Steven sighed.

"...what?"

"We are," Steven announced, marching back over to the rest of the group. "We're the Crystal Renegades. We've been going around and undermining the war effort."

"Why?!"

"Because you're a bitch!" Cartman yelled from the back of the pack.

"We think you're doing the wrong thing, Pearl," Steven clarified. "Thousands of people have died already, and even more WILL die if this war goes on any longer. We freed these other Gems because we think that what you did to them was wrong. We're ALL the Crystal Renegades." He summoned his shield and assumed a defensive stance, as did all of his friends. "And we WON'T let you hurt them."