80 Danny's POV
Natasha advised us to support Tom in whatever he needed, to let him make some decisions about himself, and to keep from pushing him too hard to spend time with Buzz. He had to decide for himself, had to choose to do what he wanted to do, and follow through on his own. Everyone had been pushing him into things for too long, and he had to learn to stand on his own two feet, or at least learn to make decisions for himself at least occasionally.
And the best way to encourage him to make a choice for himself, was to give him the choice between his routine, and Buzz. Tom desperately wanted to spend time with Buzz, wanted to make up for lost time and become the father he thought his son deserved, but to do that he had to work things out for himself and choose to do something about it. If we carried on pushing him, and dragging him into everything we did, he wouldn't learn for himself. We would essentially be doing the same thing as his wife - manipulating him into acting, suffocating his own needs.
The thought of doing that to him made me feel sick, of being anything like his wife was the most horrendous thought. I wouldn't ever... at least not purposefully do that to him. The thought of actually forcing Tom into doing things he wasn't comfortable with... it was wrong, so damn awful. I resolved to never do that again, to only encourage him when he needed it. I would help when he asked for it, not when I felt like it was needed. Tom had to have control, Tom always had to have the control, he needed it more than anything.
Which is how I found him, sitting in Buzz's bedroom in the dark, researching on his laptop.
"Hey, what are you doing in here? Buzz having a bad teething night?" I whispered from the door, Tom leapt feet, but didn't make a noise, so Buzz slept on.
"I, no, no. I... the quiet, it's good. Not that you're too loud, or anything like that. No, no you can all make as much noise as you like, I just mean that," Tom started rambling, the panicked look on his face worsening.
"Whoa, slow down, I get what you mean. No need to explain." I stopped him kindly, stepping inside, sitting next to him, back against the wall.
Glancing at the screen, I saw the webpage for London Zoo was open, and the browser had tabs open for the Natural History Museum, parks in London, along with several other children-friendly places.
"Researching?" I asked, innocently enough. Not pushing, definitely not pushing. Just asking, asking was innocent, and fine. It was part of conversation, it gave Tom the chance to explain himself, to create a safe place for him to ask for help if he needed.
"Erm, yes. Natasha said that I should try harder with Buzz, a-as in taking him out places and spending time with him. I, I was just looking at possibilities." Tom explained, tripping over words the entire way through. Even without the stutters, it was one of the longest amounts of time I had heard him speak in a while.
"Cool, anything looking promising?" I asked, still wasn't pushing, just asking. It was all just asking, I wasn't pushing anything. I was encouraging slightly. Ever so damn slightly.
"I'm not sure." Tom did not sound comfortable admitting to that, not in the slightest. For a minute, I wondered what his wife did to him when he admitted to not knowing something, before pushing it away in case I got angry, "There's, there's just so many options. I, it's hard to figure out what would be best for now."
"Anything would be best now, I assure you. Whatever you do, I'm sure Buzz will love it." I smiled, "At his age, it's more about the experience of new things, than the actual thing you're doing. So anything is a safe bet for now, when he's older, that's when you can start planning trips and things that really cater to the things he loves."
"I, I guess." Tom bit at his lip, looking completely lost. Though whether it was at his choices, or the fact that he had to make a choice in itself, that was bothering him, was a mystery. I hoped it was the choices on offer, not the idea that he wasn't used to choosing things for himself.
"He'll love whatever you do together, because it'll be new to him, and because you will be there, he will really love anything you do together." I promised, squeezing his knee.
"Okay, okay." Tom nodded, fingers tapping against his laptop.
"Trust your instincts, you won't go wrong." I patting his knee, "Just, try not to stay up all night worrying, alright? It's a day trip out, not picking out his university." I stood up, not wanting to crowd him for long.
"T-Thank you." Tom whispered, slightly bewildered that I was helping him.
"No worries. If you need me, or any of us, for anything else, you know where we are." I headed out, feeling like I shouldn't have been, but like I had to. To give him that space, let him choose, like he was supposed to.