Part 13: ...Is the One You'll Know By
Gabriel carried Sam into the bunker, comforted by the fact that his flock once again surrounded him. Castiel's refreshing grace reached out to curl against him in tentative reassurance and welcome. The warm glow of Dean and Mary's souls followed him down the stairs.
They were home.
The boy in his arms still shook from their flight. His young grace clung frantically to the archangel's energy, pulling it closer with a sharp, painful grip. Sam's fingers twisted in the fabric of Gabriel's shirt—the only outward sign that he didn't wish to be let down.
"Hold on, kiddo," he murmured as they walked through the war room. "We'll get you settled in just a minute."
Sam didn't answer. His body remained plastered to Gabriel's chest as his eyes stared glassily at nothing. Tremors regularly worked their way through the small frame.
After the initial angry outburst about song lyrics and disorientation, Sam had fallen silent. Gabriel dialed back his grace so it was no longer at drug-levels, but kept it wrapped protectively around them both. The kid needed to know that returning home would not put an end to the care and comfort he kept trying to deny himself.
"How is he?" Mary asked, walking faster to move alongside them.
"Tired and out of it," Gabriel said with a small smile. "I'm hoping he'll sleep for a day or so once he conks out."
"Good luck with that." Dean snorted from behind them. "Judging by that far-off look in his eyes and how he's holding himself, I doubt he'll fall asleep anytime soon."
"Well, we aren't busting out whisky," Gabriel said dryly. He hoisted Sam up on his hip and leaned to look into the boy's face. "What do you think—warm milk or hot tea?"
No, Sam answered through his grace while turning his face into Gabriel's shirt.
"You sure?" Gabriel lightly scratched the back of Sam's hair. "You're a bit dehydrated from all your adventures tonight. You want something else instead?"
No.
"Okay." He frowned, unsure of Sam's resistance.
"What?" Dean asked, looking worriedly at his brother.
"Sam is decidedly against drinks right now," he said with a raised eyebrow, silently seeking answers.
He rarely drinks anything in the hours before sleep, Morpheus informed him from the back of the group.
"I dunno, man. He's weird like that sometimes." Dean shrugged. "Are we staying in the big bedroom again?"
"Yup," Gabriel said, filing Morpheus' insight away for later. "No more sleeping alone for this one. It's not healthy or safe right now."
"Good." Dean's entire body sagged in relief. "That… that's good."
"Aww." Gabriel grinned and leaned to whisper in Sam's ear, "I think Deano's missed sleeping with you wedged beside him."
"Whatever," Dean scoffed. "It's more like I'll be able to sleep knowing he isn't flying off to Neverland or reading dangerous books under his covers."
Sam tensed and pushed his face harder against Gabriel's chest.
"Well, I'm sure he'll sleep better knowing he doesn't need to read those kinds of books because we aren't going anywhere." He rubbed Sam's back. "And Neverland was an accident. We are definitely taking precautions to prevent future trips."
"Good," Dean said with a nod.
The communal bedroom—the center of the nest—was just as Gabriel had left it. All the bedding was fresh and clean and ready to be slept in. It just needed his flock.
He dropped onto the sofa with a sigh. Archangels might not get physically tired the same as humans but damn was he tired in other ways. His grace ached from being wrapped around a fledgling again—a familiar throb from eons ago. But it had never experienced a young angel like Sam before.
"How are we doing, kiddo?" Gabriel murmured.
Sam grunted and pushed closer.
"I hear ya." He considered shifting Sam to a more comfortable position but decided against it. The boy was wound too tight, clinging to him with body and grace. It was probably best to just let him unwind at his own pace.
Dean sat next to them and stared worriedly at his brother. "Still breathing, Sammy?"
Sam nodded without turning his head.
"That's good," Dean said, nodding. "You just… keep doing that, okay?"
A small hand inched across Gabriel's shirt in the direction of the hunter, not quite willing to let go of the fabric but definitely trying to reach his brother. The boy's grace twisted toward the bright soul next to them too. "Dean," Gabriel whispered and nodded down at the creeping fingers.
Dean's entire expression melted as he met Sam's blindly reaching hand with his own. "I'm right here, dude." His pointer and middle finger were quickly bound in Sam's grip. Dean wrapped the rest of his fingers around the small fist so they were holding onto each other.
Sam let out a shuddered breath and relaxed slightly.
"So, did we miss anything fun tonight?" Gabriel asked after a moment of silence.
"You mean after we were deafened by your lovely musical alarm?" Mary scoffed and sat in an armchair across from them. "We may have emptied half the pantry in our mission to teach Zadkiel how to taste things."
"My music—oh yeah! Oops!" He grinned. "I had, what, 'Frantic' by Metallica set as my Sam's gone missing from the bunker alarm?"
"Yeah, I thought we talked about this," Dean said with a frown. "How we weren't going to have musical alarms going off."
"Where's the fun in that?" Gabriel asked. "Would you rather have sirens and flashing lights?"
"Can we at least get the playlist for all your alarms? I have no idea what the different songs mean," Dean sighed, giving up the argument.
"Deal!" Gabriel snapped and stack of papers landed on Dean's lap.
"Are you shitting me?" the hunter asked.
"I would never shit you about security systems."
"There are over a hundred songs here!" Dean yelled, flipping through the pages one-handed.
Castiel sat next to Dean on the sofa. He studied the list over the hunter's shoulder. Some he recognized but there were several he had never heard before. "What is 'Kiss from a Rose' and why does it only have heart emojis instead of a scenario listed?"
"That is for me to know," Gabriel gave his lewdest smile, "and hopefully you to find out."
"'Who Let the Dogs Out?' for if Morpheus magically gives birth to a litter of puppies…" Dean's voice cracked. "Is this even possible?"
Morpheus made a choked whining noise.
"I like to be prepared," Gabriel said simply.
Sam shifted in his arms, relaxing further with their banter. Without the extreme tension, his body slid down Gabriel's chest so he knelt on the archangel's thighs. Slowly, he turned his head toward his brother and blinked against the room's lights.
"Hey there, Sammy," Dean whispered, his entire demeanor changing. He pushed the papers at Castiel. The seraph carefully folded them before they disappeared into his coat.
The boy gave a half-smile. Then, his nose wrinkled up like he was going to sneeze. His looked from the hand holding Dean's to the one clenched in Gabriel's shirt before starting to turn his head back into the fabric.
"Hold it," Gabriel ordered and Sam froze. "Are you about to wipe your nose on my shirt, young man?"
There was a brief pause. Nooo, Sam said silently as he slowly shook his head back and forth. Of course, it was conveniently against Gabriel's shirt.
"Brat," he whispered. "Is there any part of my clothes not covered in your snot?"
Your socks?
"Only because you can't reach my feet and they're covered in shoes." Gabriel snapped up a hanky and repositioned Sam so he sat sideways facing Dean. "Man, I'm gonna have to invest in baby wipes or something. You're a mess."
Sam didn't release his grip on the shirt or his brother but still tried to squirm away from the hanky. I'm not a mess! My nose just itched.
"Your nose itched because you're a mess. Hold still." Gabriel managed to wipe the traces of tears and sweat from the boy's face. "There. You're mildly decent again."
Brother, may I check him once he is more settled? Raphael stood behind Mary's chair, watching Sam closely. I cannot tell from here how much the flight affected his grace. He may need more healing before he sleeps.
Good idea. Gabriel gave a nod, then looked down at Sam. The young grace seemed unharmed by their flight from Heaven. But with Sam's inability to recognize his own needs and instincts it was best if they monitored him closely for a while. "Hey, kiddo. You think it would be okay if Raphael took a look at you before bedtime?"
Tiny fingers tightened their grip on his shirt and there was a flare a panic through Sam's grace. Guarded hazel eyes met Gabriel's gaze for a moment before the boy took a deep breath and nodded. Yeah. Of course. Sam released his hold on the fabric and Dean's hand.
"Whoa," Gabriel said, frowning at the sudden change. "What's wrong?"
Sam shook his head. Nothing. It's fine.
"No, something's wrong." Gabriel tilted the kid's face toward him, forcing him to make eye contact. You are upset.
I'm just tired, Sam insisted with a forced smile.
Gabriel felt him start to move before it happened. Small muscles tightened, preparing to jump down to the floor. He had his arm wrapped around Sam's belly just as the boy began to slip from his lap.
He glanced up to find Raphael frozen mid-stride—like he'd gone to intercept Sam and quit when he realized Gabriel had him. Castiel made a noise of dismay and held Dean's arm in a death grip. The two humans stared at them all in confusion, unsure of everyone's reactions.
"Um, what exactly are you doing?" Gabriel asked with a bewildered little laugh.
You… Sam flailed forward, disoriented by the sudden stop. His hands latched on to Gabriel's arm—the only thing holding him in place. You said Raphael needed to look me over.
"He did not say you should throw yourself to the floor," Raphael chided, walking forward to sit on the coffee table in front of them. "I can look you over right here, you ridiculous child."
"Why…?" Gabriel pulled him back onto his lap, wrapping arms and grace around the fidgeting fledgling. "Why would you think I wanted you to run across the room?"
Sam shrugged and avoided eye contact.
Morpheus shifted down to his small size and darted through the group to land on the couch next to his charge. Once in place, he shifted back to a chorus of protests—the couch was not large enough to hold three adults, a child, and a small pony. The shifter nuzzled at Sam's face until the boy looked at him.
Can you hear me now, pup?
Sam jumped, then nodded.
Good. He pinned Sam with a look. Stay. You do not need to repeat your experiment from Heaven's nursery.
"Okay," Dean interrupted, drawing the word out slowly, "a person with wings needs to explain because some of us have no freakin' clue what's going on right now."
"Samuel mistakenly believed that for me to examine him meant he should separate himself from Gabriel," Raphael said with a long-suffering sigh. "Perhaps the flight addled him after all."
"Wow." Dean gave a low whistle and turned to Castiel. "When you said they'd be clingy, you weren't kidding."
"It's a bit more than clinginess, Deano," Gabriel explained. He repositioned Sam so they faced each other, allowing Raphael access to the boy's wings. When he continued speaking, he kept his eyes locked with Sam's gaze so there was no confusion that his words were meant for both brothers. "Our graces are meshed together right now. If we physically separated, then it would cause strain on that connection. And by 'strain,' I mean 'our graces would claw their way back to one another and it would be extremely uncomfortable for all parties involved.'"
Sam's eyes widened. It… your grace would do the same thing mine did?
"Yes, Sam. My grace would react very similar to your own. Except it's a lot older and stronger and more experienced. So, let's just avoid embarrassment for everyone by not sending the ancient energy into a tantrum, okay?" Gabriel smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
How long? Sam asked.
"'How long' what?"
How long will it be like this for you? The kid fiddled with Gabriel's shirt, his eyes dropping away from the archangel's face. How long will you be stuck carrying me around or else risk your grace tearing its way through your chest?
Gabriel pursed his lips in thought. He doubted there'd ever come a time when he wouldn't want to hold Sam. "I'm pretty sure I'll feel like this long after you've reached adulthood again."
Seriously!? Sam choked in horror. Oh God, that's… No. I'm so sorry!
"You're… what?" Gabriel laughed, confused. "Dad help me, I need a translator because we are clearly having different conversations here! Why the hell are you sorry?"
"Brother, he wants to know how long this extreme need for physical contact will continue," Raphael sighed, "not how long you wish to carry him around."
"Is there a difference?" Gabriel smirked.
Raphael kicked his shin. "Yes, there is."
"Ow! Fine," he looked at the sullen boy and tapped his chin, "a week, maybe two. A month at the most. Then you can run around, tripping on your own feet again."
Oh. Sam chewed his lip, losing some of his extreme panic. Still, almost a month? I'm sorry.
"Hey," Gabriel frowned and tapped Sam's chin again until he looked up, "why do you keep apologizing?"
Because, Sam shrugged, that's a long time to have me basically living up your ass twenty-four/seven.
"You think…" Gabriel shook his head. Listen, if it were up to me, I would keep you by my side for the next several eons. Did you already forget what I said up in Heaven?
No. Sam's brow furrowed as he thought. Wait, which part?
The part where you are mine, Sam Winchester. He brushed the curls out of Sam's eyes. Remember that conversation?
Sam blushed and nodded. The young grace warmed with the memory, swirling against Gabriel. But the boy was still hesitant—still reluctant to accept the truth.
Has anything changed in the last hour?
Sam glanced at his brother and Castiel. He gave a slight shake of his head without looking up. The message was clear—being back home and around people was a change.
"O-oh, I see," Gabriel said softly, running his fingers through Sam's hair. "You thought we'd come home and just pretend everything we did and said in Heaven was like some fever dream, right? Or did you think I said those things just to get the reaction I needed but weren't really true?"
Sam tried to shrug and shake his head at the same time. It came out as an awkward full-body shudder instead. He curled forward, pressing his forehead against Gabriel's chest.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Alright, Raph—take a peek at this kid for me. He needs to sleep sometime before the new year." He held Sam close, keeping his hands on the boy's hair and lower back. They would need to have so many conversations in the near future—possibly even tonight. I guess it's a good thing he won't be able to avoid talking to me the next few weeks, he thought wryly.
Raphael carefully ran his fingers and grace over Sam's shoulders before actually touching his wings. "Easy, little one," the Healer said when Sam flinched. "I am only looking right now. There does not seem to be anything that requires immediate attention."
Gabriel stopped himself from pulling Sam away from the other archangel. Raphael's grace, while familiar, was still an intrusion. But it did neither of them any good to isolate away from the rest of the flock just because they were bound so close together.
A heavy warmth swept across Gabriel's shoulders, smacking the back of his head as it went. He looked up to find Raphael smirking. Relax, brother. You know I am not going to come between you two. Settle yourself. If Samuel growls at me because he picks up on your territorial nature then I will not be able to contain myself—I will laugh at you both.
Rude! Gabriel grinned but did as he was told. "So," he said, glancing at Dean and Castiel, "you emptied the pantry teaching Zadkiel to taste things, huh?"
"Oh man, you would have been so proud of Cas! He had that nerd tasting things in under twenty minutes." Dean's grin suddenly turned to a scowl. "Of course, he fed your brother the most disgusting things ever, so he lost points for food choices."
"I'm pretty sure you were the one trying to get Zadkiel to eat a whole clove of garlic," Mary said pointedly.
"That was after he'd already proved to be a huge weirdo for liking all that shit Cas fed him," Dean argued. He elbowed Castiel in the ribs and side-eyed him. "Lemons and coffee and potato chips, dude?! Really?!"
Castiel shrugged, squinting his eyes at the hunter. "It worked," he said simply.
Gabriel laughed quietly as they continued listing the various things they did that evening. Their voices calmed him—and Sam. The boy uncurled and watched their brothers playfully argue, no longer focused solely on Raphael's exam.
The Healer's grace flowed over frayed pathways to reinforce the protective barriers. They looked awful. The flight to Heaven had shredded every ounce of work they'd done in the past weeks. And while it didn't seem like the return trip had caused further injury, it certainly hadn't done them any favors either.
"Okay," Raphael finally said, leaning back. "I've wrapped a few more layers around your wings. We will need to work on them tomorrow but this will keep them secure until then."
"Any complications from the flight home?" Gabriel asked.
"None that I noticed. His grace is exhausted and strained, but that was from his flight into Heaven." Raphael reached forward and ruffled Gabriel's hair. "You kept him well protected, brother. He needs rest and nourishment—both for his grace and body. You were right about the dehydration."
"What do you say? You ready for that drink now?" Gabriel pushed the hair back from Sam's eyes but the kid just shook his head and wouldn't look at him. Sighing in defeat, he said, "Well, can't blame a guy for trying. Okay, folks, it's way past bedtime for this flock. It's dawn-o-clock out there. I'm turning off everyone's alarms and you are all expected to sleep well past lunchtime, understood?"
"I think we can handle that," Mary said with a yawn. She walked toward them, leaning down to plant a kiss on Sam's temple. "I love you, Sammy. Get some rest, okay? No more flying tonight."
Sam grabbed her hand and dragged it to his face. He kissed the back of her knuckles. Blushing fiercely, he let go of her hand.
"That goes for both of you," Mary laughed and surprised Gabriel with a kiss to his cheek too.
"Such a gentleman," Dean chuckled, clapping his brother on the back as he stood up and stretched. He pushed past Castiel and flopped onto the main bed with a groan. "Man, I could sleep for a week."
"I'd settle for you sleeping through an entire night," Castiel said, rolling his eyes. He turned to Sam. "I am glad you are home and safe. We were all very worried."
Thanks, Cas, Sam replied through his grace, smiling shyly. I didn't mean to worry everyone. I didn't even mean to go anywhere.
"I know." Castiel returned the smile. "It wasn't your fault."
Sam's smile slipped and he shrugged instead of answering.
"Don't worry," Gabriel said to them both, "there won't be any more flying for a while. Especially unscheduled trips! We're staying right here." He wrapped his arms around Sam and just held him close. The boy's muscles tightened for a moment before relaxing.
Gabriel, Sam's voice whispered in his mind, am I gonna sleep on the couch?
No, you're not sleeping on the couch! Gabriel scoffed. He snagged the blanket that was draped on the back of the sofa and wrapped it around Sam's shoulders. Getting an arm under the kid's knees, he pulled Sam to lay sideways.
What…? Sam sounded startled. His hands grabbed Gabriel's shirt as he was tilted without warning.
I already said you're sleeping right here. So, close those eyes and relax. There's no way you're flying anywhere with me holding on to you.
Um, Sam frowned. I didn't realize you meant that literally.
You thought I was going to metaphorically hold on to you? Gabriel watched the others settle into their beds. He wanted to cheer when Castiel actually took off his shoes and coat and laid down next to Dean.
Kinda, yeah. Sam squirmed. Gabriel, you can't hold me every night. I'll never be able to sleep like this!
Why? Are you uncomfortable? He adjusted the blanket, making sure it wasn't wrapped around Sam's feet in a confining way.
It's… weird.
Bad-weird? He suddenly worried he was pushing too much on Sam. Maybe being held by an archangel all night wasn't a good idea.
No, not… bad. Just weird.
Well, try and relax. Your body and grace are exhausted. And I know that big brain of yours has to be too.
Raphael lowered the lights in the room with a wave of his hand and settled into an armchair. Mary fell asleep within minutes of her head hitting the pillow. Dean hadn't moved since landing on the bed.
Morpheus shifted down to his smaller size and curled against Gabriel's hip. Goodnight, pup. I am right here if you need anything. Sam snaked an arm out of the blanket to give him a quick pet behind the ears.
Gabriel smiled and relaxed into the cushions. The longest night ever had already turned to day but at least they'd reached the end. He swayed gently on the sofa and waited for Sam to follow the others into sleep.
Sam tried to sleep. He closed his eyes and held his body as still as possible. But it didn't stop his mind from racing. How could so many things happen in just a few short hours?
The flight home had been terrifying, even with the grace drugging him. He'd never be able to hear The Twelve Days of Christmas again without thinking he was falling through space and time. His breath caught in his throat at the memory of the empty between.
But it was the earlier events of the evening that haunted him the most. The conversation with Gabriel in the nursery. Leaving Bobby behind again. Fighting against all the angels in the Hall. Gabriel and Raphael discovering the book in his bedroom.
Sam shifted around so he could scratch his arms under the blanket. He couldn't remember ever being held this way—especially not at bedtime. Dean had barely been big enough to hold him as a kid. They usually just curled up together like lost puppies in the middle of the bed until they were deemed "too old" for such behavior. And their dad hadn't exactly been big on cuddles.
Besides, the angle felt all wrong for sleeping—he couldn't stretch out or flop over. It was like a hug that never ended. His feet moved restlessly along the couch cushion as he scratched his neck. Everything itched.
You got ants in your pants or something? Gabriel asked, pulling the blanket away from his face.
Sorry. Sam stilled his movements, opting to chew on the edge of a fingernail instead. The pinch provided some relief to the feeling of static running along his skin.
Gabriel studied him for a moment. You having trouble sleeping?
A little. Sam shrugged. He was beyond exhausted—that was the problem. He felt wired. It always happened after a long hunt when he'd run on coffee and adrenaline and fumes for days. When the hunt ended, it sometimes took another day or two for his body and mind to shut down.
"Hmm." The archangel hummed as he thought. He pulled the blanket down further and turned Sam's arm over. Long red scratches were visible against his pale skin. Are you itchy? Or is it nerves? he asked, frowning in concern.
Sam shrugged again. What did it matter? Both made him scratch.
"Let him rinse off in the shower, change his clothes, and stretch out on the other bed like normal sleeping people," Dean's muffled voice broke the silence of the room.
"What?" Gabriel asked, looking startled.
Dean rolled over and propped himself up on an elbow, squinting at them in the dark. "Sam sweats like an ice cube in a frying pan. It's probably all stuck to his skin. Plus whatever shit he picked up in Heaven. He never sleeps after sweating that much. And if you cocoon him in a blanket, he's just gonna sweat more. The kid moves like he's running races in his sleep. He needs to stretch out next to you."
Oh my God, Sam groaned to Gabriel, I thought he was asleep.
I guess his big brother senses were tingling, Gabriel said with a grin. "Okay, Deano—bath, clothes, and stretching. Anything else?"
"Just watch your shins. He kicks," Dean answered, then flopped back onto his pillow.
"Sounds like a plan. You joining us, furball?" Gabriel asked Morpheus as he peeled the blanket away and stood, balancing Sam on his hip.
Of course. Morpheus leapt from the couch, shifting to his larger size before his feet hit the ground. Someone should keep an eye on you two. Trouble seems to follow wherever you go.
"Fair point," Gabriel conceded. "Any requests, Samshine? Favorite music? Rainbow bubbles that sparkle and smell like birthday cake?"
Sam shook his head as they made their way out of the room. As much as he wanted to clean up and change his clothes, this also presented another stressful situation. He and Gabriel would be alone again—which seemed to keep leading to long and painful conversations.
I don't need a bath, Gabriel. I can just rinse off with the showerhead.
"Pfffft," Gabriel laughed. "That's not very relaxing. No, you're getting the full spa treatment. Otherwise, you'll still be awake at Christmas."
I don't even know what 'full spa treatment' means.
"No worries! I won't let you live in ignorance while I'm around." The archangel's smile was a little too gleeful to be reassuring.
They stopped by Sam's room to gather fresh clothes. The bed looked like it had been stripped in a hurry with his pillows and sheets on the floor. He tried not to imagine Dean and the others running in to find it like that.
Are we sure Morpheus is okay? Did Raphael look him over? Sam stared at the canine, searching for any sign of lingering injury or distress. How do we know that I didn't hurt him in the flight? Or that being in Heaven didn't hurt him? Actually, how was he able to be in Heaven at all? I thought it killed any living being.
"Whoa there, mister. One question at a time." Gabriel grabbed pajamas from a drawer. "Yes, Morpheus is okay. Yes, Raphael really looked him over. Raphael protected him on the flight home and would have had a very close look at Morpheus before leaving."
Are you still fretting over me, pup? Morpheus chuffed as they walked toward the bathroom.
"He's fretting about everything," Gabriel answered for him. "Now, I don't think your flight there hurt him. But I do know that he's able to freely move about Heaven and Hell without being harmed by the location itself thanks to a nifty artifact from Hecate."
I am perfectly well. The only injury I sustained was when you were fighting off the angels and that was not serious. Nuriel barely even provided any healing—it only served to wake me up faster.
You sure? Sam asked. They entered the bathroom and the bright light allowed him to see Morpheus even clearer.
"He wants to know if you're sure," Gabriel relayed, sitting down on the toilet seat lid and starting the water.
Morpheus moved closer to stare into Sam's face. I believe the Healer may need to take another look at you, pup. It seems he missed something in your poor brain.
Sam carefully ran his fingers through the shifter's fur, both for reassurance and to search for any hidden injuries. He couldn't get the image of Morpheus lying motionless on the ground out of his mind. The spotless fur parted like silk and he wondered how it stayed so clean.
It reverts to its original form whenever I shift. Even if you dyed or cut it, everything would return to normal once I changed size. Morpheus landed a lick on Sam's nose.
Are you… hearing my thoughts? Sam asked, eyes wide in surprise.
"He thinks you're reading his mind," Gabriel said as he adjusted the water temperature for the fifth time. He threw a handful of something into the tub which rapidly turned the water dark blue and filled the air with the scent of jasmine and rain.
I do not need to read your mind, Morpheus explained. I can read your face.
Tell him to leave my face out of this. Sam groaned, covering the canine's eyes with his hand. And why is the water blue? What did you put in it—a bath bomb?
"I don't need to—your face is already saying it loud and clear." Gabriel said with a smirk. "The water is blue to help keep you modest. I'm surprised you've even heard of a bath bomb."
Morpheus shook his head and licked at Sam's hands and arms. What started as a few playful laps quickly turned into a methodical washing of his skin. Ugh, your brother is right—you do sweat a lot. No wonder you couldn't get comfortable.
Well, your slobber is not going to make it better! Sam tried to push Morpheus away, but every attempt ended in even more licks. Gabriel, make him stop!
The tongue disappeared when Sam's shirt unexpectedly covered his head. The rush of pouring water went silent. "You're in luck," Gabriel said, wrestling the shirt all the way off of him. "I can't make him stop but I can hide you in the bath, Sam-a-lam."
I don't know if I'd count a bathtub as a hiding spot. Sam shot the archangel an incredulous look as he was allowed to drop to the floor and strip off his pants. It's really just a Morpheus-sized water bowl.
"Morpheus already said you taste terrible," Gabriel snorted and quickly transferred Sam into the gloriously hot water. "I think you're safe for now. Of course, he may change his mind once you're clean."
All thought of a comeback left Sam's mind as soon as his body was submerged in the water. He actually groaned as the heat spread through his aching muscles. They'd been so tense for so long he hadn't realized how much they hurt until now.
A soft hot cloth against his back made Sam jump.
"Relax," Gabriel sang quietly. He was kneeling beside the tub, sleeves rolled up past the elbows. "Let your mind and body calm down. I'll focus on the rest."
Sam felt his mind and body do the exact opposite as the archangel ran the cloth along his spine. It felt good. But he was still being bathed by another person—while naked. When was the last time that had happened?
John stopped helping with baths once Dean could get himself and Sam into the tub on his own. The brothers had bathed together in the early years—when Dean was too small to reach Sam over the edge of the tub and Sam was too small to safely sit by himself. Memories of dingy motel room bathtubs, soap burning his eyes, and water that was too cold flowed through his mind.
"If I told you to tense completely, do you think you'd actually loosen up?" Gabriel joked as he gently tugged on Sam's rigid arm.
Sorry, Sam said with a sigh. He tried forcing his arm to go limp. It twitched in the archangel's grasp instead.
"You okay?"
Yeah. He stared down at his reflection in the indigo water while Gabriel wiped the sweat from his arm. Just thinking. Remembering the last time someone had given me a bath that wasn't because of an illness or hunting injury. The ice bath during the Trials probably didn't count.
"Hmm," Gabriel hummed without comment. He repeated the process with the other arm, then handed Sam the cloth. "Here, you get the parts below the water."
Breathing out a sigh of relief, Sam made quick work of washing everything below his waist. As nice as it was to have his back washed, there were some things he wanted to continue doing himself. He was sure to get the soles of his feet extra clean—Heaven apparently had filthy floors.
"And now, for the pièce de résistance," Gabriel wiggled his fingers dramatically. "Are you ready to have the best hair washing of your life?"
Um… Sam panicked as he thought of soap in his eyes and Dean screaming at him to stay still. Do we have to?
"Do we have to wash your hair?" Gabriel frowned. "I mean, technically I could use grace to clean it but you're pretty overstimulated already. It'll be better to just wash it manually. Plus, magic fingers!" He wiggled his fingers again.
I guess. Sam's shoulders dropped in resignation to his fate. Just… try not to get any soap in my eyes, please?
"What kind of amateur do you think I am?" Gabriel sounded offended but his hands were extra gentle as they supported Sam's neck and leaned him back. "I haven't gotten soap in someone's eyes since… well, never!"
Uh huh. Sam clenched his eyes shut as water poured over his head. True to the archangel's word, the liquid didn't go an inch past his hairline. It didn't even slosh into his ears. Once his hair was completely soaked, Sam heard a finger snap.
"Just me," Gabriel said needlessly. "It's easier to snap up the shampoo than fuss with a bottle."
Sam agreed when those fingers began working the soap into his scalp. He'd grown used to everyone playing with his hair over the past few weeks—but this was something entirely different. Fingertips dug into pressure points, sending a cascade of tingles down his spine that liquified the muscles in their wake. Only Gabriel's hands kept him from falling back into the water.
"There we go," Gabriel murmured above him. "I got you."
Sam floated on sensations as the soap was carefully rinsed from his hair and conditioner massaged in. The fingers continued to scratch lightly at his scalp as the minutes ticked by. He blinked his eyes open when he felt his mind start to drift, not wanting to fall asleep in the tub.
Gabriel was utterly immersed in the moment. His eyes sparkled with quiet joy and he radiated contentment. As soon as he noticed Sam watching him, he smiled warmly. "Hey you."
Hey. Sam returned the smile.
"We're almost done here. I promise."
Okay. His eyes slid shut again all on their own. This… this is kinda nice. I didn't think I'd like it.
"Humans have enjoyed spa treatments for centuries. Get with the times, you peasant!"
Sam snorted and flicked water in the archangel's general direction.
"You little…" Gabriel sputtered. "You're lucky I'm trying to lull you to sleep right now. Because otherwise, that would have meant war."
Uh huh. Sam's grin was broken by a yawn.
"Alright, let's get you to bed." The playfulness in Gabriel's voice was replaced by that soft tone Sam still wasn't used to.
He tried to contemplate it while the conditioner was rinsed away but his mind kept drifting more and more. The sound of water draining away only served to make his body feel heavier. A warm towel wrapped around him before the air chilled his skin.
Clothes, Sam mumbled to Gabriel as they walked through the hall. He vaguely recalled gathering them before the bath.
"Don't worry—I didn't forget them," Gabriel chuckled.
He jolted awake when they stopped moving and he found himself on the third bed in the shared bedroom. Dean's snoring form could barely be seen through the darkness in the bed next to him. Sam blinked slowly in confusion from within his towel cocoon when a pair of underwear appeared in front of his eyes.
"Can you put these on or do you need help?" Gabriel whispered without a hint of mockery.
Sam forced his limbs to cooperate and wrestled the boxer briefs up his legs. Exhausted from the effort, he flopped back onto the bed as soon as he finished. Blindly, he held a hand out for the next clothing item.
Something warm and gooey touched his leg. Sam tried to kick it away but fingers gripped his ankle. He scowled when Gabriel snorted.
"Hold on. Your skin's gonna dry up and make you all itchy again if I don't do this first." The archangel rubbed the goo into Sam's leg and foot.
Is that… lotion? Sam asked after a moment of searching for the word.
"Duh. It's what you put on after taking a bath in winter." Gabriel moved to the other leg. "Especially when you live in a freaking bunker."
Why?
"What do you mean 'why?'" Gabriel shimmied the sleep pants up his legs.
Sam barely had the wherewithal to lift his hips to help. He was too hung up on the fact that someone was putting lotion on him. Why does it matter?
"It matters because you matter," Gabriel said softly. He shifted further up the bed and began slathering the stuff onto Sam's arms. "Your skin is covered in dry patches. It needs to be moisturized. And it's my job to take care of your needs."
Gabriel, you don't have to… I can put lotion on myself.
"I know."
The hands never paused as they worked the cream in from his shoulders to each fingertip. Warm tendrils of love and contentment trailed across his skin with each touch. It was milder than the overwhelming cloud of emotion Gabriel wrapped around him in Heaven.
Tears burned behind closed eyelids when the hands swept back up to his shoulders and moved across his collarbone and chest. It was one thing for Gabriel to baby him in the midst of a crisis but that situation had ended hours ago. Why was he still treating Sam like… this?
"It's okay, kiddo," Gabriel whispered, resting a hand on Sam's belly. Warmth suffused his being but seemed to highlight all the raw areas rather than pacify them. "You've had a really long day after a really long month after an even longer life. There's a lot to adjust to now—and you're doing so good."
Sam chewed his lip and tried to keep his breathing under control. The last thing he wanted to do was have another emotional meltdown. He'd already met his crying quota for the year.
"Turn over for me so I can get your back and then you can go to sleep, okay?" Hands helped maneuver him onto his stomach, removing the wet towel from the bed in the process. A handkerchief was pressed into Sam's fingers before he could wipe his face. "You don't want to get lotion in your eyes."
Tucking his arms under him, Sam pressed the cloth against his eyes hard enough to see spots. This had to be a hazy dream—too good to be true and definitely too good to last. What would happen when he woke up?
Fingers dug the tension out of his shoulders where wings-met-spine. The muscles there maintained a constant thrum of energy, sometimes spasming when it grew too much. Gabriel soothed both grace and flesh until they melted into liquid.
"There we go," the archangel's voice drifted over him. The hands continued spreading lotion slowly into his back in light circles. "You go to sleep now. I'll be right here beside you all night and Morpheus will be on your other side. No one's going anywhere."
The mattress dipped as Morpheus stepped up in his large form. He sank down against Sam, his silky fur tickling the exposed skin on his right side. Morpheus chuffed when Sam shivered at the sensation, then nuzzled the back of his hair. Gabrieloki is correct. No more fretting.
Sam let out a shaky breath and tried again to let sleep take him. His grace was no longer trying to strangle him like it had been the past few weeks. It thrummed contentedly inside the grace Gabriel had wrapped around him.
What would happen when they eventually had to separate?
He clenched his eyes tighter at the thought and pressed his face into the mattress. Worrying was just going to undo all of Gabriel's efforts. Not the best way to show how appreciative he was toward the archangel.
Dear Sam's brain—you are a menace. Please do us all a favor and shut the fuck up long enough for this boy to go to sleep.
Sam startled at the sound of Gabriel's voice in his head, then huffed a small laugh. The archangel stretched out on the bed and something soft, warm, and alive draped across his shoulders. Blinking, he saw only golden light. Wings.
Turning his head, he found Gabriel facing him with an exasperated smile at the ready. "Hmm, opening your eyes seems counterproductive to falling asleep," he whispered. "Unless you're one of those people who sleep with their eyes open all night."
A finger lazily swirled through the air. Sam watched it draw closer and closer to his face. He swatted it away right before it could land on his nose.
Gabriel grinned. "Nope. Still awake." He brushed Sam's hair back from his face, using a touch of grace to dry it. "I'd offer to sing, but that probably won't help any. I really feel cheated on that front, you know? I mean, who makes the Messenger the worst singer of the angel choir? Nice joke, Dad. Oh, do you want Raphael to serenade us? He's my favorite singer."
Sam shook his head as his eyes finally grew heavy. The words were spoken in a low murmur. The reassurance that Gabriel was there was sweeter than any song.
This moment was unlike any other experience in his lifetime. He wanted to engrave it on his memory and cherish it forever. Just in case it was one-of-a-kind.
His gaze traced Gabriel's face. The archangel just sighed and smiled softly, like he understood. Fingers returned to play with his hair—the weight of which added the physical reminder of his presence.
The time between blinks grew longer and longer until finally, Sam's eyes remained closed.
Raphael watched in silence as the boy at long last slipped into sleep. Why must everything be a struggle for him? It was to the point where even basic instincts seemed to work against him.
"Thank Dad," Gabriel said under his breath, only loud enough for the angels and Morpheus to hear. "I hope this isn't a new nightly routine."
"His brother said this behavior is normal after a stressful event," Raphael pointed out. "Perhaps Samuel will settle within a day or two."
"It is normal to an extent," Castiel said, keeping his voice as low as the others, "but it is rarely this extreme. And I have never seen him so… focused on another person unless Dean has just survived another near-death experience."
Morpheus raised his head slightly from the bed. He's had nightmares every night since returning to his own room. They are part of the reason he was reading so much—because he wished to keep himself awake.
In his sleep, Samuel reached out a hand in search of Gabriel. The Messenger caught it with his own and the boy melted further into sleep. "I'll admit—even when I was wrestling with him in the nursery to release his grace and let me in, I didn't really expect this." His thumb traced the tiny knuckles in wonder. "But I think maybe I should have. Considering."
"Considering?" Raphael prompted. He glanced at Castiel but the seraph shook his head, equally unsure.
"Considering a lot of things that I should have pieced together. His dream, for starters—this extreme fear of abandonment. Mix that with his fierce need for independence and self-reliance, and you got a kid who already counts himself as alone." Gabriel met Raphael's gaze, anger and pain pouring off him in waves. "I also learned some details tonight that put a lot of things into perspective."
He'd seen Gabriel's rage walking out of the nursery—knew it was bad.
"What details?" Castiel asked.
Gabriel shook his head. "I can't share the specifics without Sam awake—I promised. But I can say they pertain to John."
Castiel's lips pursed as he looked to his own charge. "I can imagine," he murmured. The hunter snored softly, ignorant of the conversation going on around him.
"Honestly, Cassie? If you were sitting on these kinds of details about the boys and didn't share them with your flock leader, you and I would be having a very long conversation." Gabriel sighed. "But as I'm pretty sure even Dean doesn't know about everything I discovered tonight, I'll hold off on any lectures."
Sour surprise twisted Raphael's grace. They had learned quite a bit about the brothers' childhood over the past several weeks. Most of it was horrifying—children left alone for days and weeks, little-to-no food, forced to fight and train far too young, no stability or emotional support. But it did not bode well if one brother kept secrets from the other about specific incidents.
"When do you wish to address these things?" Raphael asked. He knew his brother—there was no question of "if."
"We'll start tomorrow," Gabriel said. "The kid's still freaked about us finding that book. We can't do anything about the rest of it until we address why he was so determined to have a blade. And assure him that us being upset with his actions does not mean he's shunned until further notice."
"What?" Raphael frowned. Shunned?
"Yeah," Gabriel sighed in frustration. "He about had a fit because I dared to hug him and joke around in Heaven."
"I do not understand. Why…"
"Apparently, it didn't matter that he'd just accidentally crossed dimensions or shredded his wings or been scared to death. I should have still been very angry with him." Gabriel rolled his eyes. "I swear, I'm going to combust if he tells me to 'stop being so nice' one more time."
Castiel snorted. "He thinks you are too nice?"
"I know! First time anyone's accused me of that since the dawn of time."
Raphael heard the weariness past the joking tone of his brother's voice. For once, he was equally at a loss. They were in completely new territory where Samuel was concerned.
"I believe discussing these issues will merely bring them to light. No amount of promises will convince the child of any changes to his situation." He mentally ran through the events of the evening once more. Words had remained meaningless to Samuel, regardless of who said them. But he had responded well to one thing. "He will require action."
Seeing is believing, Morpheus said.
Gabriel nodded in agreement. "Then, I guess we need a plan."
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
SUPER SHOUT-OUT to my Discord Darlings and Tumblr friends for all their love and support these past few months.
Y'all have seen me through intense life revelations, a terrible breakup, and a spontaneous move to Narnia (aka Florida, land of Soup Air). Life is much better now! And I'm hoping my brain settles down so I can write the SHIT outta all the stuff to come in this series (and beyond)!
Side note: I really wanted to name this chapter "FUCKING AWKWARD" because it WAS...FUCKING AWKWARD! I don't think I've ever written so much floof in my life.
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