A/N: Okay, for real, if you didn't read Dorito Elect, certain things in this chapter are gonna feel totally out of left-field. Sorry for the continuity lockout!

"I think we should back down," Pearl muttered. "I don't like where this is going." Pearl, Garnet, and Bismuth stood off against the Crystal Renegades, an anti-war resistance group led by Steven, whose membership included Amethyst, Peridot, and Lapis, as well as Connie and four boys from South Park, including Randy's son. Add on the three Canadian Gems, Granite, Citrine, and Canadian Pearl, the Crystal Gems were very severely outnumbered.

But that wasn't what worried Pearl. Pearl was worried that, if this standoff escalated any further, someone she cared about would get hurt. She didn't think she'd be able to forgive herself if Steven or Amethyst were injured—or worse—because of this war.

"We need to leave," Pearl repeated. "Now."

Bismuth shook her head. "To hell with that! I say we teach these brats a lesson!"

"Bismuth, they're children," Pearl excused. "They don't- they don't understand what they're getting into. I say we leave them be and get back to focusing on the war."

"If we leave them alone, they'll just meddle with our plans even more!" Bismuth argued. "We're gonna put this little rebellion down before it gets out of hand."

"If we try to 'put it down', things WILL get out of hand," Garnet said. "I agree with Pearl. We should leave."

"Well, we can't let them occupy our base of operations, can we?" Bismuth reasoned. "Look at them. They're ready for a fight, so I say we give them one."

Steven swallowed. "Are you guys ready for this?" he asked his fellow Renegades.

"No," Amethyst and Peridot responded simultaneously.

"Maybe they'll just let us walk," Peridot said. "They wouldn't REALLY fight us, would they?"

"If it comes down to it, we're ready to fight," Steven responded. "...which means they are too." He looked at Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman. "You guys should probably bail."

"Screw that, we're staying," Stan replied.

"Connie?" Steven turned to look at Connie.

"I swore to Pearl that I would stay by your side and protect you," Connie said. "Granted, I don't exactly think this was what she had in mind, but regardless, I'm not leaving."

"Lapis? Peridot? Last chance to jump ship?"

Lapis shrugged. "It's not like I had any other plans today," she said, completely and blissfully unaware that, for her own well-being, she definitely should have made other plans that day.

Steven nodded and shot another determined glare at the Crystal Gems before tightening his stance behind his shield. "Garnet, Pearl… I know you know that this war is wrong. Bismuth doesn't, because, let's face it, her moral compass is unbelievably skewed."

Bismuth glared back at Steven. "At least I don't turn on my teammates, traitor."

"Up yours!" Stan yelled.

"So, I'm going to ask, PLEAD one more time with you two," Steven continued speaking to Garnet and Pearl. "End this war. Tell the President to call everything off. Take the L, before it's too late."

Pearl sighed. "Steven, you're not going to give up, are you?"

"No, no I'm not."

"That's… unfortunate." Pearl reached into her Gem, and retrieved a spear. "Because we CAN'T give up."

"Holy shit, this is actually happening," Kyle muttered.

"Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here," Stan said, eyes widening.

"We're beyond the point of no return," Pearl explained. "If we surrender, the Canadians and their allies won't stop at the border. They'll overrun the country, and then you won't be safe anywhere."

"He won't be safe if you attack him, retard!" Kyle yelled. "Are you that fucking dense?"

"Steven, this is your final warning," Pearl… uh, warned. "Step aside and allow us to take Granite, Citrine, and Canadian Pearl back into our custody. They're dangerous."

"Make me!"

Pearl sighed, closed her eyes, and let her head hang. "Fine." She glared up at the Renegades. "We will."

The Crystal Gems began to march forward, greatly alarming the Renegades.

"Agh! Jesus Christ!" Tweek shouted over the earpiece. Most of them had forgotten the mission was still being monitored. "Get out of there, you guys!"

"Ignore him," Steven commanded. "Everyone, stand your ground."

The group watched in anticipation as Bismuth, Garnet, and Pearl continued to march toward them. Everyone was starting to freak out a little; Steven and Amethyst, however, both remained calm, like they both knew something nobody else did.

Pearl looked a little nervous too. As she got closer and closer to Steven, her look got worse and worse.

Finally, the two groups converged. The clash was imminent, the battle had begun. Civil War was upon them.

...except that nothing happened. The Crystal Gems were face-to-face with the Crystal Renegades, prepared for battle, and yet… nothing happened. They had stopped completely.

Steven smirked. "You gonna put us down?"

Pearl blinked. "...y-yes." Nothing happened. "I'm serious. I'm going to do it." Still nothing. "Well, here we go. We're going to attack you now." Pearl raised her spear. "In three… two… ...one and a half… one and a quarter…" Pearl pointed her spear at Steven. "...one and a sixth. ...one and an eighth…"

"You're a terrible liar, P," Amethyst said, snickering.

"Wait… they aren't going to attack us?" Kyle asked.

"Of course they aren't," Steven said. "Even I didn't need future vision to know that. If they attacked us, they'd be doing exactly what they were fighting against. I called their bluff, and now they don't have ANY leverage."

Garnet frowned. "Darn. He did call our bluff."

Bismuth glared at Garnet and Pearl. "I wasn't aware we were bluffing."

"Of COURSE we were!" Pearl said. "What, did you expect us to just ATTACK the ones we were trying to protect in the first place? That would be entirely counterproductive. I was HOPING that Steven wouldn't see through it and just hand the Canadian Gems over to us, but unfortunately, it seems he's smarter than that. SO, I suggest we just call today a loss and return to the White House so that we may continue to advance our goals elsewhere."

Garnet and Pearl turned around and began to walk away, while Bismuth just glared at them. Suddenly, Kyle spoke up. "You're a fucking coward…" he realized.

Pearl stopped, and turned back around. "What?"

"You'd rather run away from your problems than face them head-on. You were going to try and INTIMIDATE us, and now that we've called you out on it, you're just leaving." Kyle moved to the front of the group. "You Crystal Gems aren't heroes. You're all just fucking cowards."

Pearl glared at Kyle. "You're far too young to understand what's at stake here."

"Maybe, but I'm old enough to know you're a fucking bitch."

"Steven, your friends are rather crude," Pearl said sharply. "I'd suggest you find new ones."

"He's RIGHT, Pearl," Steven replied. "You guys are cowards."

"You're going to eat those words, Rose!" Bismuth yelled as she transformed her arms into giant hammers.

Pearl's eyes widened. "Bismuth, NO!"

Steven reacted by immediately surrounding himself and Kyle in a bubble, which wobbled and shattered as Bismuth struck it. "Okay guys, this is happening, we're fighting now!" Steven said, quickly and slightly panicked. He'd expected Bismuth to back down, although, considering their history, perhaps he shouldn't have. Silly Steven.

"Holy shit, you can do that?" Kyle asked, perhaps concerningly unconcerned with the fact that he had nearly died just now.

Canadian Pearl drew a sword and ran towards Bismuth. Regular Pearl reacted quickly, and parried the attack. NOW it was on. The Civil War had begun. The Renegades readied themselves.

"What's the plan?" Connie asked, standing by Steven's side, sword drawn

"We might have to poof Garnet and Pearl, now," Steven admitted. "I was hoping it wouldn't come to that, but it might be the smart thing to do. With no leaders, the war is as good as over. There's more of us than there are of them, so-" Steven blocked another blow from Bismuth. "-so it shouldn't be TOO hard?"

Suddenly, several American infantrymen ran out onto the beach. Evidently, somebody called for backup at some point—PROBABLY Bismuth—and the Renegades Now had several assault weapons pointed at them.

"Well, that's problematic," Peridot said, glaring around her. "So are we surrendering now, or…?"

"Not a chance!" Steven answered. "Peridot, I think it's about time we remind everyone what we can do when we REALLY work together."

"What, you mean fusion? Gee, Steven, I don't know if-" Several bullets shot past Peridot's face, hitting the wall behind her. "AH! Yeah, okay, maybe we should do that."

"Hold your fire, you idiots!" Pearl yelled at the soldiers. "I swear, these soldiers…"

Kyle watched in curiosity as Steven and Peridot moved next to each other. "What the hell's a 'fusion'?"

Peridot tried to figure out her footing while the Canadian Gems fought back the Crystal Gems. "Okay… how did we do this last time…?"

We can dance if we want to,
We can leave your friends behind
Because your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine.

Suddenly, Steven and Peridot were gone, and one single Gem took their place. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny stared at them, mouths agape.

"What the hell?!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Dude—this is pretty fucked up, right here," Stan said again.

"New adversary!" the commander of the United States forces yelled. "Open fire!"

Reacting immediately, the fusion summoned not one, but two shields and levitated one in front of each of its hands. The soldiers opened fire, but the fusion was able to react quickly enough to block each and every shot. Rather than immediately ricochet, however, the bullets were absorbed into the shields, which grew slightly in size with each individual round. After a few seconds of this, the dozen-or-so soldiers had to reload. The fusion smirked, and took this time to point both of its shields to the sky.

The energy it had stored up was released all at once, and hundreds of bullets suddenly shot into the sky—before falling back to the ground, they all exploded, lighting up the skies of Beach City with a fireball that could be seen for miles.

Garnet and Pearl stared up at the fireball, their faces bathing in the orange glow. "Wow," Garnet said flatly. "That was impressive. I didn't see that one coming." A moment later, she said "That was a joke. I saw it coming. It was still impressive, though."

"This is getting too dangerous…" Pearl muttered, before ducking below a swing of Canadian Pearl's sword. "Bismuth! We really need to retreat, now!"

Bismuth formed her hands into a baseball bat (an impressive feat considering she'd been bubbled before baseball had been invented), and clocked Granite over the head with it. "It's too late for that!"

"HEY! Don't hit me like I'm a fucking baseball, dickhead!" Granite yelled.

"Sorry, don't know what 'baseball' is," Bismuth shrugged before hitting Granite again.

"KNOCK IT OFF, GUY!"

"Sorry, 'buddy'," Bismuth mocked.

"Steven could get hurt!" Pearl yelled.

"I'm sorry, did you not just see what that fusion just did?" Bismuth asked. "THEY'RE the dangerous ones. It's us or them, Pearl!"

Lapis and Connie stood back to back as they were surrounded by American soldiers. "You know, I know this is sort of inappropriate…" Connie said as she used the blunt side of Rose Quartz's sword push one soldier away from her, "...but seeing Steven and Peridot fuse makes me sort of jealous!"

"Honestly, same," Lapis responded in kind as she surrounded two soldiers in a bubble and kicked them away. "But it's whatever, I guess, as long as nobody on the internet draws any weird fan art about it!"

"Ugh, tell me about it," Craig muttered over the earpiece.

The Boys, meanwhile, were just sort of lazing around trying not to get shot. Even Kenny. Especially Kenny. Mostly Kenny. Just Kenny. "This shit is getting too crazy!" Stan yelled as Kenny narrowly missed a bullet through his head. "I hope this war ends soon!"

"Yeah, me too!" Kyle yelled as Kenny screamed and ducked below a throwing knife. "Jesus Kenny, be careful, you might get killed or something."

"Trying my best, asshole!"

Pearl raised her spear and ran towards Granite. She was blocked, however, by Steven, who had just unfused with Peridot. "Steven! You need to get out of the way, this is too dangerous!"

Steven grunted as he used his shield to knock Pearl's spear out of her hands. "You always told me to do the right thing, Pearl! Well, I'm doing it!" He caught Rose's sword, which had been tossed to him by Connie, and parried another spear. "You're being a butt right now, Pearl! Knock it off!"

"You're the one who's being the 'butt', Steven! You knock it off!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"You know, I just realized," Cartman said, running next to Amethyst to dodge Bismuth, "this is just like that one Captain America movie!"

"What, the one with Spider-Man in it?" Amethyst asked.

"Yeah, that one, Civil War!"

Kenny's eyes widened. "Civil War…?" he muttered. Suddenly, he flashed back to several weeks ago.

When Saddam returned, he carried an easel. "This is gonna blow you the fuck away," he said. "Get this. There's this PROPHECY that some bad shit's about to go down on Earth."

"It's all part of the prophecy… prophecy… prophecy... The next part of the prophecy has yet to happen… happen… happen..."

"I just… can't shake the feeling that something really bad is about to happen," Satan said. "What if Saddam really WASN'T behind that prophecy? What if it's all just going to happen anyway?"

"What was the next part of the prophecy?"

Satan looked uncomfortable. "Civil war… war… war..."

"The prophecy states that the apocalypse will occur on a planet inhabited by Gems," Blue Diamond said. "The Gem Homeworld is not the only planet inhabited by Gems… Gems… Gems..."

Yellow Diamond nodded in response to Blue's statement. "Yes. Several of the prophecy's clauses refer to events that have occurred on Earth. Rose Quartz's war against the human nation of Canada is one example… example… example..."

"Canada?" Wendy whispered. "What does Canada have to do with this? ...this… this… this..."

In the present, everything clicked in Kenny's mind, and he started flipping shit… shit… shit… He screamed.

"AHHHH! Guys! We need to fucking stop!" he yelled. "Bad shit's about to happen!"

Bad shit was indeed about to happen, for it was just then that Bismuth decided that the best way to get the Renegades to knock it off was to make an example of one of them… and Kenny happened to be the closest target. What she was about to do wasn't going to be pretty… but it had to be done.

Garnet saw what Bismuth did about five seconds before she did it. Because of this, she felt the need to put a stop to it. Alarmed, she pushed Citrine off of her and yelled out. "Kenny! Move, now!"

Kenny raised an eyebrow and turned around, where he saw Bismuth standing over him, her arms transformed into massive hammers which were coming at him at a probably-terminal velocity. All he could do in response was sigh. "God damn it," he muttered under his breath.

Lapis looked over upon hearing Garnet shout. Suddenly, images flashed in her mind. When people die, they go to Hell, and that, presumably, included Kenny. Having seen Hell, Lapis knew it wasn't a good place. She also knew that Kenny didn't deserve to go to Hell, he was just a child! Lapis imagined Kenny in Hell… the image was so vivid, in fact, that she could have sworn that she actually DID see him in Hell, which would have been impossible, considering he wasn't dead yet.

And he wasn't GOING to die. Not if she had anything to say about it. Reacting fast, Lapis sprinted towards Kenny and Bismuth—she could've tried to push Bismuth away, but she wasn't sure she was strong enough. The only thing she KNEW she could do was push Kenny out of the way.

Peridot saw what was happening, and she suddenly became terrified. "La-LAPIS! What are you–?!"

Lapis dove and slid across the ground, pushing Kenny safely away from Bismuth's big mallet hands. Success! ...her victory was short-lived as she herself was struck by Bismuth, and it hurt like a motherfucker. "AGH!" she yelled in pain as Bismuth struck the middle of her back, right between her shoulder blades—right on her Gem. That was going to leave a crack, which she'd get Steven to deal with afterwards—except that Bismuth then placed a foot on Lapis' back and began to apply a painful amount of pressure.

All of the fighting stopped. Everyone turned to look at Bismuth and Lapis, who were in the center of everything. Pearl was frozen in sheer horror. Peridot gasped and covered her mouth. Steven's eyes widened, and he began to shake his head, as if that was going to stop everything. The Boys weren't sure what was going on, but they knew it wasn't good.

Lapis drew in a sharp breath as Bismuth leaned even harder on her Gem. "You know, Lazuli," Bismuth said as she leaned her face closer, "Rose Quartz destroyed my greatest weapon to prevent exactly this from happening. You know what she didn't account for?" Bismuth twisted her foot, causing Lapis to groan in agony. An audible crack pierced the still air. "She didn't account for Gems like YOU. So weak. So fragile. So fucking easy. Maybe now, the Renegades'll think twice before putting their fucking noses where they don't fucking belong." Bismuth smirked. "Say… are you the same Lapis Lazuli from Homeworld that I defeated during the war? Hah. Small galaxy. I suppose I'm only finishing what I started." Bismuth released some of the pressure, allowing Lapis to breathe. "Goodbye, Lazuli." Suddenly, she forced her foot down, completely shattering Lapis's gemstone and obliterating her metaphysical form.

Peridot screamed in emotional agony. "NO!" she shouted, tears rushing down her face. "No, no, no no no!" She ran over to what remained of Lapis as Bismuth walked away.

Pearl didn't look very good either. Actually, she looked mortified. "Oh my god… you… you… you just…"

"I taught them a lesson," Bismuth said as she pushed past Pearl. "If you want to deliver a message, sometimes, you gotta kill the messenger."

Garnet displayed a rare moment of horror as well as she tried to process what just happened. She watched as Steven, Peridot, and the others ran over to Lapis's shards. This wasn't what she wanted. She wanted to keep Steven safe. She didn't want…

Peridot picked up the pieces. "Th-this can be fixed, right?" She looked hopefully at Steven. "R-right, you can fix this?! You can heal cracks, can't you?!"

"I-I don't think I can fix this!"

"This isn't happening… this isn't happening… I'm having a nightmare…"

Stan looked a little confused. "But… this… isn't permanent, right? Like, Gems can do that thing where they… where they fix themselves, right?"

"If a Gem is shattered, there's no coming back…" Amethyst muttered.

"Dude…"

Amethyst looked ready to cry as well. Steven and Peridot already were. Connie looked horrified, while the Boys slowly began to realize the severity of the situation. The Canadian Gems looked… as sorrowful as a Canadian could. Amethyst turned to glare at Pearl, Garnet, Bismuth, and the American forces.

"You… you three crossed the line," she said. "There's no coming back from this. You fucked up!"

Pearl shook her head. "No, no, Amethyst, I didn't want-!"

"I don't want to hear it!" Amethyst yelled back.

"Maybe we can help!" Pearl suggested.

"You can't help ANYBODY! You can't bring her back! YOU caused this! YOU killed Lapis!"

Kyle glared at Pearl, Garnet, and Bismuth. "You bastards!"

Right about now, both Pearl and Garnet were thinking the same thing. Amethyst was right. They fucked up. Everything about this was fucked sideways. Lapis Lazuli was dead, and it was their fault. The only thing they could do now… "Retreat," Pearl commanded, her voice shaky. "Everyone, retreat. We need to leave, now!"

Steven stood up and glared at Garnet and Pearl as they fled. "Why?! Why did it have to be like this?!" Steven shouted after them. "Why couldn't you just quit?!"

The Crystal Renegades stayed long after the Crystal Gems had fled. They all sat, staring at the shattered pieces of Lapis Lazuli and trying to comfort Peridot. First, her grieving took the form of loud sobs. Then, angry at the world, Peridot slammed her fists on the ground repeatedly and screamed, as if that would somehow bring Lapis back. Finally, she tired herself out, and stared silently at the shards. None of this felt real to her. Her Gem felt like it was about to shatter just from the extreme emotional pain she was in. Nearly two hours of grieving later, she bubbled the shards.

"What are you doing?" Connie asked.

"Sending her home," Peridot muttered. She tapped the top of the bubble and sent it back to the barn. She began to cry again as Steven and Amethyst pulled her into a tight hug.

Kenny had separated himself from the group to do a bit of his own thinking. He leaned against the wall of the beach house and watched as Peridot, Steven, and Amethyst embraced. He felt immense levels of guilt that he, previously, didn't know he was capable of feeling. Lapis Lazuli died protecting HIM. It was HIS fault. That fucking idiot, she should have just let Bismuth kill him. At least HE would have come back. It should have been HIM, not HER.

Kenny realized something, and eyed Peridot. She was aware of his many deaths and resurrections. For reasons completely beyond him, SHE, of all people, was able to remember when he died. Peridot was totally unaffected by his curse. She knew full well that Lapis could have let Kenny die, which made Kenny feel even guiltier. He knew that Peridot KNEW that if Bismuth had killed Kenny instead, everything would be fine right now and nobody important would have been hurt.

...would she blame HIM for it, he wondered? Would Peridot turn her anger towards Kenny? He guessed he'd deserve it, if so. Kenny sighed. "Fuck, dude…" he muttered.

The group traveled to the barn, where Peridot found Lapis's bubble once again and took one last look at her shards. "Steven… what do humans do with their remains when they die?"

"Some people get buried… some people are cremated and have their ashes spread over things they liked…"

Peridot nodded, and popped the bubble. She sighed, and began to grind up the shards in her hands. They felt so… brittle, now.

"What are you doing?" Kyle asked her.

"Gems who are left as shards can sometimes come back, incomplete," she explained. "They usually take the form of dismembered limbs, and I… I don't want to risk putting Lapis through that. It sounds horrible." Once the shards were finely ground, Peridot turned around, and released them into the wind. The dust took flight, spreading across the great farm that Peridot and Lapis built together, the rising sunlight reflecting off of the many pieces and leaving sparkles in the air.

Stan tapped Kyle on the shoulder. "Dude… forget everything I said back there. THIS… this is pretty fucked up, right here."

Pumpkin, having just woken up from a nap, stretched and walked over to the group. She seemed to know that something wasn't quite right. Peridot picked her up and began to pet her as she whined and looked around for her other master. Where was Blue Master? All that Pumpkin could see was Green Master, Blue was nowhere to be found. Had she left again? When would she be back?

The Renegades stepped onto the nearby warp pad and warped onto the Denver Pad, which happened to be the pitcher's mound at Coors Stadium. There, they began the slow, silent walk back to South Park. Not even Eric Cartman had it in him to make a dumbass remark. About an hour later, they walked past the sign that greeted them at the edge of town. They made their way to the South Park Community Center, their base of operations for the time-being.

After Lapis was shattered, everyone took off their earpieces abruptly. As a result, the Renegades that stayed in town to coordinate the mission from afar were left totally out of the loop regarding the success or failure of the mission. Peridot put Pumpkin down and allowed her to walk around as Randy Marsh approached them.

"Oh, good, you're back," he said. "I see you freed those prisoners."

"Nice to meet you, buddy!" Granite greeted.

Randy's smile soon went away, however, when he realized nobody else was smiling. "Is something wrong?" He did a quick headcount. "...somebody's missing… where's Lapis Lazuli?"

Peridot sighed, and walked to the corner of the room. She sat down and hugged her legs.

"...did something happen?" Randy asked the rest.

"Lapis is dead," Stan answered. "The Crystal Gems murdered her."

Randy's eyes widened, and he looked back over at Peridot. "Holy shit…" Pearl… what the fuck had gotten into her?!

The Crystal Gems returned to the White House, visibly shaken by what had transpired. Well, except for Bismuth. She seemed pretty fuckin' pleased with herself. The President greeted them upon their return.

"Well, how'd it go?" Garrison said, smiling.

"We weren't able to stop them from freeing those prisoners," Bismuth lamented. "BUT we sent a much, MUCH stronger message."

"Uh huh, and what's that?"

Pearl had her hand over her mouth and a look of worry in her eyes. "We… we KILLED Lapis Lazuli…" she muttered.

Garrison smiled. "Well, great! That oughta teach them a lesson!"

"No, it's not GREAT!" Pearl argued. "We didn't want to KILL any of them!"

"War's a dirty business, what can I say?" the President shrugged. "If you ask me, I say we round up the rest of those Crystal Renegades and fuck 'em all to death!"

Without warning, Garnet punched Garrison in the jaw, knocking him down. "You need to stop," she said simply before walking away. Once Garrison recovered, he stood up and glared at Pearl.

"You know, hundreds of thousands of people have died already because of this war," he said. "Now, personally, I don't care about that, but the fact that you only started caring when one of your former scissor sisters kicked the bucket is pretty fuckin' selfish. What makes her life more important to you?"

"I-"

"Don't answer that." Garrison marched away as well. Bismuth shrugged.

"He's right, you know. All of the death and chaos this war has caused is on you. Lapis Lazuli was one of hundreds of thousands of casualties, and it seems to me that you wouldn't have cared about any of it otherwise."

Pearl couldn't deny it, because it was true. Lapis' shattering was the imaginary line in the imaginary sand. This wasn't right.

"BUT…" Bismuth continued, "...I think you realize now that we're beyond the point of no return, don't you? We can't go back anymore."

Pearl slowly nodded. "Yes… yes, I understand that… things won't ever be the same again… we can't quit now… it's too late to quit."

"Great! Glad you agree, because this war is only just getting started. Good talk!" Bismuth patted Pearl on the back and left her alone with her thoughts.

Peridot sat in front of Stark's Pond with Pumpkin, staring out at the water. The events of the last 24 hours still didn't feel entirely real to her. She felt like she was going to wake up screaming at literally any moment.

Except that she didn't. This WAS all real. Lapis was dead. No matter how many times Peridot said that to herself, she didn't believe it. But she was there. She watched Bismuth shatter her, she personally spread her shards across their little corner of countryside, and she came all the way back here, to South Park. Why? She wasn't entirely sure. In her mind, the Crystal Gems had won. They could go wage their stupid fucking war, she didn't care anymore.

She heard a twig snap, and slightly turned her head. Kenny was there. "Hey, Kenny," she muttered. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to see if you were okay."

She glared at him. "No, Kenny, I am not okay. What a needlessly stupid question." Realizing how mean she was being, she sighed and looked away. "Uh… sorry."

Kenny shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. If it wasn't for me-"

"Don't."

"If I had died, everything would be fine right now."

"Yes. It would be. You'd be back by next week, and I wouldn't be in such a huge amount pain right now." Another tear fell down the side of Peridot's face as she slowly got angrier and angrier. "If Lapis didn't try to save you, she would still be here. Why, WHY did she risk her life… for YOU? For somebody who dies every week and shows up again before the next adventure? Why do YOU get to live, and die, and come back again and repeat the process, and she's just DEAD. She CAN'T come back, Kenny! She's gone for good, Kenny, and it's… it's…" Peridot broke down crying again. "...it's not even your fault. Why am I blaming you for it?"

"It IS my fault. You SHOULD blame me."

"You didn't ASK to be cursed with eternal life," Peridot muttered, sniffling and wiping her tears away. "To blame you for something you can't help would be totally unfair."

"But if Lapis had known-"

"If Lapis had known you'd come back, she'd have still tried to save you anyway," Peridot interrupted. "No. None of this is your fault. It was Bismuth… and Garnet… and Pearl… they did this…" She fell silent. "I loved her, Kenny."

"I could tell."

"I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her… and I don't think I ever told her that I loved her." She didn't know what she would do with herself now. Every single potential future she had planned for herself also involved Lapis. "I don't know what I'm going to do now, except…"

"Except?"

Peridot looked up and glared across the lake. "...except avenge her."

"...what?"

The green gem stood up. "Pearl won't get away with this." She started walking back towards town, leaving a very suddenly alarmed Kenny alone.

"...Peridot? ...What are you going to do?"

Heidi Turner stood onto the scale she kept in her bathroom. 70 pounds. She smiled—she was so close to losing all of the weight she put on while she was dating Eric Cartman. Just a few more pounds to go… she heard a knock at her door. Raising an eyebrow, she put on her clothes, walked to the front door, and opened it. She glared at the person on the other side.

"Hi, Heidi," Cartman muttered.

"I'm not taking you back, Eric."

"No, wait, hang on, don't close the door yet," Cartman said as Heidi began to close the door on him. "I'm not here to beg for you to take me back, or threaten to kill myself, or trick you into eating KFC, I promise."

Heidi rolled her eyes. "What do you want?"

"I promise, you can slam the door on me AFTER I say what I need to say."

"What. Do you want. Eric."

"I just wanted to say… I'm sorry for how I treated you," Cartman managed to spit out. "Recently, some really bad shit went down, and it made me realize that the way I treated you was super not kewl."

"If you're only just now realizing this, that's a huge problem."

Cartman sighed. "I know it is. I'm not going to try and excuse any of what I did."

Heidi raised an eyebrow. "You aren't."

"No, I'm not. I don't have any excuses. I just… wanted you to know that I really did care about you, and that I only did the things I did to bring you down because I didn't want you to realize how much better you could have been doing." Cartman turned his head. "And I get it, you don't have to say anything. That's SUPER fucked up and impossible to forgive. I don't want forgiveness. I just want you to know that none of it was your fault." Cartman looked back at Heidi. "Anyway… you won't be hearing from me again. Not because I'm going to kill myself. Because I'm not. I'm just going to leave you alone from now on. See ya, Heidi."

Cartman turned around and started to walk away. Heidi was completely blown away by the maturity he'd just shown her… Was this some kind of trick? She fully expected it to be, but the encounter was surprising, regardless.

Cartman reached the end of the street, where Kyle was waiting. "You know she's never gonna believe that shit," Kyle said.

"You know what, Kyle? I'm glad. I'm glad that she'll never believe me."

"Why are you 'glad'?"

"If she never believes me, she'll never take me back, and I'll never be able to abuse her again," Cartman explained. "I wasn't lying, back there. I really did care about her."

"What, so now you're just some new, born-again Eric Cartman?"

"No, I'm still the same as I was before," Cartman said, shaking his head. "It's hard to explain. I'd just rather not be that way to HER, if I can help it."

"But you can't help it."

"Probably not."

"Which is why you don't want her to take you back."

"Exactly."

Kyle thought about it for a second. "I guess that makes sense. It's just about the only thing that's happened today that's made sense."

"Yeah, something tells me it's gonna get a lot worse," Cartman muttered.

President Garrison walked through the halls of the White House. Suddenly, an aide approached him. "Mr. President," he muttered. "We have a little situation…"

"What is it?"

"Well, besides your firing of the Secretary of State and the Deputy Director of the FBI, the pending lawsuits against the town of South Park and that porn star, and the general dysfunction and unpopularity of your administration and the Republican Party as a whole, your newly-appointed Secretary of Spooky Future Shit just quit."

Garrison raised his eyebrows. "Garnet quit? Why?"

"She said, and I quote," the aide held up a transcript of Garnet's resignation speech. "'The President is a seafoam, gimp-lipped, shell of a shadow and I hate him.'"

"She didn't say that."

"The transcript says otherwise, sir. She called you a 'seafoam, gimp-lipped, shell of a shadow'."

"Oh, jeez," the President groaned. "This is not what I need right now. Where's Pearl?"

"Ah, uh, that's the other thing…" the aide said nervously as he followed Garrison to the Oval Office. "You see, uh…"

Garrison pushed open the doors. "Pearl, are you in here? We've got a big prob-" he stopped. "...lem…"

Pearl was sitting at the Resolute Desk, with Bismuth standing beside her. Across from her was Republican leadership. "Ah, Mr. Garrison, I'm glad you're here," she greeted. "Please, have a seat."

Garrison looked at the other people in the room. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, and Vice President Mike Pence all sat across from Pearl, as did the few remaining members of Garrison's cabinet. "What the hell's going on?" Garrison asked.

"You see, Mr. Garrison, we were actually just talking about you," Pearl continued. "It's quite fortunate that you showed up right at this moment."

"Why are you sitting at my desk?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Pearl said. "You see, ah… how do I put this… well, as it turns out, we found a little… clause, in the Constitution of the United States, that pertains to the status of your… employment."

"Employment?"

"Yes. You see, a little while ago, you said, in writing, that if Mr. Pence were to resign or otherwise be removed from the office of Vice President, you would nominate me for the position." Pearl gestured to Pence. "As it happens, the Vice President submitted his resignation letter today. Both houses of Congress have already voted. I am now your Vice President."

Garrison rolled his eyes. "Okay, that's great. Listen, Pearl, Garnet quit. She went AWOL!"

"Yes, that was unfortunate. I have no idea where she could be now." Vice President Pearl glanced at McConnell. "But I'm not finished. The twenty-fifth amendment of the Constitution states that, if the Vice President—that's me—and a majority of the other heads of the executive departments write to the Senate President Pro Tempore and the Speaker of the House that the President is unable to fulfill his duties as President… well, that the Vice President becomes President, pending congressional approval, of course."

Garrison's eyes widened. "What the fuck is this?"

McConnell sighed. "Mr. Garrison… you're one of the least popular Presidents this country has ever had, and you're dragging the entire Republican Party down with you. The midterm elections are in less than eight months and you're seriously hurting our chances of maintaining our majority."

Ryan nodded. "The best thing we can do right now is drop our dead weight. And that means you. Mr. Garrison… I'm sorry."

"What the fuck are you all talking about?!" Garrison said, stepping back. "Is this a fucking coup?!"

"You're not handling the war properly," President Pearl said. "You're unfit for office. Mr. Garrison—you're fired."

Two Secret Service agents arrived and grabbed the former President by the arms. "Alright, Mr. Garrison, we're gonna need you to come with us."

"Let go of me! Where are you taking me?!"

"Mr. Garrison, please hold still."

"This isn't right! This is a fucking witch hunt! I'll fuck ALL of you to death!" The former President was dragged out of the Oval Office as President Pearl watched. She sighed.

"Are we doing the right thing?" she asked Bismuth.

"It's waaaaay too late to be asking that question."

Peridot stared at a photo of Lapis on her phone. She sighed.

"I promise, Lapis…" she muttered, "...I'm going to make them ALL pay for what they did to you." She only had one thing on her mind, now.

Revenge.

She was going to make sure Pearl and the others felt the exact same pain they made Lapis feel.