A/N: Updates are moving to semi-weekly instead of weekly. These chapters take sliiightly longer than a week to make now, which is why I keep missing deadlines. A semi-weekly schedule will give me some more breathing room until we reach the end… which is very fast approaching.

Anyway; here's Chapter 21, "The Harry Truman Decision".

The Crystal Renegades—Steven, Connie, Amethyst, Garnet, Peridot, Stan, Cartman, Kyle, Kenny, Butters, Tweek, and Craig—arrived at a military checkpoint on the US-Canada border, near Buffalo, New York. The United States occupied a sizeable area within Ontario, due in large part to the Canadians having completely abandoned the Toronto area after the previous President's nuking of the city. To the north, one could make out what remained of the Toronto skyline in the distance. Steven tried to avert his eyes. Butters patted him on the shoulder.

"There, there," he said. "If it makes you feel any better, the city was destroyed BEFORE the war started."

"I know…" Steven sighed. "I still don't like looking at it."

Peridot walked past Steven and Butters as she surveyed the area. "You know, Steven, I was thinking about all of the places we could visit next after we're done in South Park, I took the liberty of writing some of them down." Peridot retrieved a series of notecards and began reading off the list. "Springfield."

Steven shook his head. "No."

"Alright, well there's plenty more," Peridot muttered as she moved to the next card. "Hollywoo. With no D."

"No."

"Gravity Falls, Oregon."

"No."

"Langley Falls, Virginia."

"No."

"The Park."

"No."

"Ooo."

"No."

"Bob's Burgers."

"No."

"Quahog, Rhode Island."

Steven looked somewhat offended. "No, definitely not! Why would you even suggest that one?"

"Well SOMEBODY would probably find that HILARIOUS!" Peridot defended. "I mean, not me, I personally don't want to go to Quahog, but what about Springfield? Huh? That sounds interesting! That sounds like a place with, like, thirty years' worth of activities!" Steven just glared at Peridot and moved closer to the checkpoint. Peridot scoffed. "Hey, look, when this is all over, I'm gonna need a vacation, okay? With Lapis gone, there's nothing to do at the barn. Plus I really want to go to Springfield next time."

Steven sighed. "I'm sorry Peridot, I know you're just trying to take your mind off of things, but… we can't do that right now. We have to stay focused. If we succeed here, THEN we can talk about what's next."

"If?"

"I mean, when. WHEN we succeed." Steven moved to catch up with the others, leaving Peridot all alone.

"Even he's unsure…" Peridot muttered.

"Stay strong, Peridot," Mitch Conner encouraged, suddenly appearing on Peridot's left hand. Oddly, he still sounded like Cartman doing a stupid voice. "You can do this. I believe in you."

"I- I don't think I can go through with this," Peridot said. "I couldn't kill Garrison, I couldn't kill Garnet, what makes you think I'd be able to kill Pearl?"

"Easy. You're a racist."

"Oh, yeah, I guess I am. But still! It's one thing to think you're genetically superior to Pearl, which, obviously, I am, there's no question about it." She stared at her friends, who were up ahead observing the checkpoint. "But to kill her? It's not in my nature. She WAS my friend. Allegedly."

"Yeah, well, watching Lapis die changed things, didn't it?" Mitch Conner asked.

Peridot suddenly clenched her other fist. "Yes. Yes it did."

Garnet knelt near a bush. "Okay, children, gather around," she directed the rest to stand near her. "Mr. Hat is likely heading toward Ishpatina Ridge in Ontario."

"What's at Ishpatina Ridge?" Connie asked.

"A kindergarten," Steven answered. "Unactivated. My mom destroyed it years ago."

Garnet raised an eyebrow underneath her visor. "How do you know that?"

"You wouldn't believe us if we told you," Stan answered. "...but we're going to tell you anyway. Steven and I time traveled and watched Rose Quartz destroy it."

"Oh, that makes sense."

Peridot rejoined the group. "Time travel? Hah! That's preposterous. One would need to travel at NEGATIVE speeds exceeding the speed of light to even DREAM of achieving retro-temporal traversal! And as we all know, you can't travel at negative speeds. That's impossible."

"Do you carry a thesaurus around with you or something?" Stan asked.

"I have an extremely well-developed vocabulary!"

Butters raised his hand. "Oh, uh, what if you traveled at the speed of light, but walked BACKWARDS. Would that make time travel possible?"

"Don't be stupid, Butters," Cartman dismissed the idea. "Everybody knows when you walk backwards your top speed is half your normal top speed, you can't achieve light speed going BACKWARDS."

"You can't achieve light speed at ALL on foot!" Peridot denied. "And even if you could, walking backwards doesn't make it negative speed. The concept completely defies all logic and reason."

"Regardless, Steven's right," Garnet said. "There is a Kindergarten in Ontario, and it is likely what Mr. Hat is after."

"I'm confused," Kyle said, tilting his head. "Supposing a suddenly-intelligent Mr. Hat and Mitch Conner really are behind all of this—which I still don't entirely believe—what IS a Kindergarten, and why does Mr. Hat want it?"

"It's where new Gems are made," Stan answered.

"Jeez, Stan, you seem to know a lot about Gems now," Kyle muttered.

"I do my homework."

"As for why Mr. Hat wants it activated…" Garnet paused. "I'm not sure yet. With a Gem army behind him, he'd be unstoppable, but I don't know what his goals are beyond that. REGARDLESS, we need to get there before he does."

"How are we supposed to get past the checkpoint?" Amethyst asked. "That's a lot of guards…"

Kyle pressed the side of his hat, underneath which was an earpiece. "Ike. We're at the checkpoint. Tell the Off Colors we need a distraction."

"Cookie Monster!" Ike exclaimed excitedly. Back in South Park, where the boy sat in his bedroom, he stood up and walked to the other side of the room, where the Rubies had set up their own workstation and were remotely monitoring a hijacked Korean satellite. "Call the moon men!" he said.

"Yessir!" Doc saluted Ike and, with her team, began contacting Lars' crew. Sheila entered the room with a tray of cookies and juice boxes.

"Ike, would you and your little friends like some snacks?" she asked in a motherly tone, totally ignoring the hi-tech satellite station in her adopted son's bedroom.

"Oh, yes please, Mrs. Broflovski!" Navy said. She and the others approached Sheila to grab their snacks. Smiling, Sheila laid the plate down on the table.

"I'll be downstairs if you need anything, Ike," she said as she closed the door. Walking back down the stairs, she passed her husband. "Oh, Gerald, you just have to see how precious Ike is up there. His new friends seem to be interested in all of the same things he is, they're having so much fun!"

"Yeah, it sure is a good thing he can keep his mind off of this damn war," Gerald replied. "Have you seen Kyle at all today?"

Sheila nodded. "He said he was having a sleepover at his friend Stan's."

"Well, at least he's inside. I don't like him parading around the streets with that war going on. It's GOING to reach South Park at some point."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Gerald," Sheila dismissed the idea. "All of the fighting is at the northern border. It's nowhere near us!" The doorbell rang. "Oh, I'll get it."

Sheila approached the door and turned the knob. She gasped when she saw the person on the other side.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Broflovski," President Pearl greeted her. She was flanked by two secret service agents.

"M-Madame President?!" Sheila said, taken aback.

"What?" Gerald asked, turning around. He, too, seemed surprised that the President was here. He glared at her. "What do you want?"

Pearl held up her hands in surrender. "Listen, I'm not stupid. I pay attention to the news and social media. I know a lot of people probably hate me in this town, and I assume you two are no exception."

"You're god damn right!" Gerald said angrily. "You've plunged this country into war! Our kids are no longer safe in their own homes, MILLIONS are going to die because of you." Gerald marched to the door and poked Pearl on the chest as he spoke, slightly irking her guards. "Fuck. You. Bitch."

"I… deserve that," Pearl admitted. "Sheila, can I come inside? Please, there's something I'd like to discuss with you."

"We have NOTHING to discuss," Sheila said as she turned around and walked away from the door.

"I've… made a terrible mistake," Pearl muttered. Sheila stopped in her tracks. "I've plunged the world into war, and I'm not sure how I can undo it." Sheila turned around. Pearl's words seemed to be getting to her. "I've… heard you made a similar mistake, once, long ago."

Sheila refused to make eye contact with Pearl, but still listened. "It was… almost two decades ago, now. I don't like to talk about it."

"And I won't like talking about my mistakes when this is over," Pearl said. "However, my mistakes can still be corrected. I want to undo all of this."

"And why should we trust you?" Gerald asked, still glaring at Pearl.

"Sheila… please," Pearl ignored Gerald and continued to plead with Sheila. "I need your help."

"How could I possibly help you?" Sheila asked. "What could I do?"

"Your son is a member of a group of political radicals that seems intent on sabotaging my plans at every turn." Pearl entered the house, pushing past a still-glaring Gerald. "Kyle and his friends are in Canada right now."

"What what WHAT?!" Sheila exclaimed. "Kyle's in a war zone?!"

"Yes, and I'm afraid he'll be killed if he isn't brought back to South Park immediately."

"She's blackmailing us!" Gerald realized suddenly.

"I want to end this war, Mr. Broflovski," Pearl addressed Gerald finally. "But I can't do that if the Crystal Renegades… or La Resistance, to put it another way, is putting themselves in danger the way they are. As long as they're in Canada, my troops HAVE to stay in Canada to search for them."

"Madame President, please, you HAVE to bring my son home!" Sheila begged. "I can't let anything happen to Kyle!"

"I'd love to, Mrs. Broflovski, but they'll evade capture—er, uh, I mean, rescue, at every turn. Kyle fights hard for what he believes in, which is respectable, I must admit. The only one who can bring him home…" Pearl paused. "Well, you know who it is, don't you? It's you."

"Me?" Sheila questioned.

"Yes, you. Mrs. Broflovski, all I want to do is fix my mistakes. Kyle can help me, but you need to be there to assure him that everything is alright." Pearl gestured to the door. "Why don't you come with me, Sheila? Help me bring your son back. Help me make things right again. Help me… Make America Great Again."

"Don't do it, Sheila," Gerald warned. "We can't trust her. She's one of the bad guys!"

Sheila shook her head. "I have to, Gerald. Kyle's in danger. Besides, we both know what it's like to be in Pearl's situation. Maybe she really does want to fix everything."

Gerald didn't look convinced. "Oh… alright! Fine. But I'm staying here and making sure her stupid followers don't try and take Ike back to that concentration camp."

"I assure you, Mr. Broflovski, my people will do no such thing."

"Right, like I'm going to trust you."

Pearl looked somewhat displeased, and now she glared back at Gerald. She wanted him out of the house. "Very well, then. Come, Mrs. Broflovski. We'll discuss this further at the White House." Pearl stood up and opened the door, allowing Sheila to step out. Just as soon as Sheila was out of earshot, Pearl shot Gerald another look. "I'll see you around, Mr. Skankhunt." Pearl shut the door, leaving behind a shocked and wide-wide Gerald.

"...what the fuck?"

Meanwhile, the Crystal Renegades remained at the New York-Ontario border. Ike's message had been relayed to Lars's ship. All they had to do was wait for a distraction…

"Attention all units!" a voice erupted from a one-way radio Peridot carried to monitor an encrypted channel used by the US military. "Be advised. Radar is picking up an unidentified flying object along the border. It's not responding to any attempts at communication and its signatures are of an unknown foreign element. Exercise extreme caution!"

"That's us," Peridot noted. Glancing up in the sky, she saw the Off Colors' ship, which she knew was intentionally keeping its speed low to make sure everyone saw it. Two F-35s closely followed it, though they so far they hadn't tried to shoot it down—an effort which would have been meaningless anyway, as the ship's overshields were finally operational.

Suddenly, a hatch opened up on the ship's underside, and a small piece of space junk fell to the ground in front of the checkpoint. To the people on the ground, however, it wasn't junk—it was a potential bomb.

"Shit! Get down!" one soldier yelled. Everyone ducked behind cover to shield themselves from the blast they thought was coming.

"That's our cue, go!" Kyle ordered. The Renegades stood up from their hiding spot and started sprinting to the open gate, as nobody guarding it was paying attention anymore. The Off Colors quickly retreated from the scene, accelerating to speeds unreachable by the F-35s, who still tried to follow anyway. As they ran straight through the checkpoint, the Renegades were spotted by one of the cowering soldiers.

"Hey, you!" he shouted. "Get back here!" Before he could alert anyone else, Peridot retrieved her newly improved Light Disruptor, which now fit into a handgun-sized form factor and as such was holstered at her waist. She fired a beam at the soldier, temporarily paralyzing him. "Agh!" the soldier groaned in discomfort as he fell over.

"Dude, nice, I think he just shit his pants!" Stan yelled. "Come on, guys, let's go!" The group continued to run until the checkpoint was out of sight, at which point they stopped to catch their breath. They were in Canada, now.

Steven leaned on a rock. "Wow… I can't believe that worked!"

Garnet looked over at Peridot. "Peridot. What was that weapon you were using?"

"Portable Light Disruptor," Peridot answered. "It's capable of temporarily dispatching human and Gem foes alike without killing them." Suddenly, her smug look turned into a glare. "Because unlike the Crystal Gems, WE know how to get things done without resorting to murder."

"Peridot…"

"I'm sorry, would you like to dispute that fact?"

Garnet and Peridot stared at each other for a moment before Garnet sighed. "No," she muttered.

"I thought so."

The Renegades awkwardly walked in silence from that point forward. Cartman decided to chime in with "So, do you guys always suck the fun out of things to cry about your feelings, or is that a recent thing?" He didn't get an answer. "I said—"

"We heard you, Eric," Steven said.

The group moved deeper into Ontario. "We're back in Canadian-controlled territory, now," Garnet explained. "We have to be very careful. If anyone sees us—"

"Freeze, asswipes!" two Canadians jumped out from behind trees. "You aren't going to invade our—oh, it's just you." Garnet recognizes these two. It was...

"Terrance and Phillip?" Stan said, confused.

Steven was starstruck. "Oh my gosh! Terrance and Phillip! You guys are, like, my FAVORITE comedians!" he gushed as he approached the Canadian superstars. "I can't believe it. I'm actually meeting THE Terrance and Phillip!"

"Who's the gay fat kid?" Terrance asked. Phillip farted in his face, and both erupted into laughter.

"Oh my gosh, they did the thing!" Steven said as he jumped in excitement.

"They also called you fat," Connie pointed out.

"Well, okay, yeah, that was sort of rude, but STILL!"

"What are you two doing so close to the border?" Garnet asked. "It's too dangerous. There's fighting here every day."

"We're freedom farters!" Terrance proclaimed proudly.

"Don't you mean freedom FIGHTERS?" Peridot asked. Terrance and Phillip stared at her briefly before farting in her face. "Hey!" Another one. "Cut that out!" Yet another fart. Peridot turned to Steven. "See, THIS is why I want to go to Springfield! No fart jokes! Only high-brow humor."

"I think Springfield is just a different kind of low-brow," Steven commented.

"Terrance, Phillip, we need to get to Ishpatina Ridge," Garnet said. "Can you take us there?"

"Sure we can, buddy!" Phillip responded, then farted. "We know a shortcut!"

The two Canadians led the Renegades past a set of bushes, which was their so-called "shortcut". "Well, here we are!" Terrance exclaimed. "Ishpatina Ridge!"

"We were right next to it the entire time?" Peridot asked. "That's embarrassing."

Phillip shook his flappy head. "No, we took a shortcut, remember?"

"That doesn't make any sense, we only moved four-"

"Ssh," Cartman shushed Peridot. "Don't question it, just accept it."

The group went over the hill, where they got a good view of the ridge. Just as Steven and Stan asserted, there was a Kindergarten here… but it wasn't dismantled. The two boys gasped. Several Canadian scientists monitored the injectors, which looked good as new and ready to be used.

"How the fuck?" Stan asked. "We totally saw Rose Quartz destroy all of this. What happened?"

"Look!" Steven pointed a little further down the ridge, where Dr. Alphonse Mephisto was overseeing the operation. Next to him were two armed Canadian soldiers. "The Canadians must be holding him hostage."

Peridot narrowed her eyes. "Garnet gave me the impression that 'Mr. Hat', and therefore Pearl, would be here." She slowly turned to glare at Garnet. "You neglected to mention that the Canadians were still in control of this area."

Garnet frowned. "Bismuth told me that Pearl would be here…"

"WHAT?!" the entire group shouted at once.

"You sent us here under Bismuth's orders?!" Steven asked, shocked.

Tweek twitched. His anxiety was out of control. "AGH! Jesus Christ, it was a trap, I knew it! I knew we shouldn't have come here!"

The boys all glared at Garnet. "Sneaky bitch!" Cartman accused. "She was trying to get us killed fighting Canadians!"

"That is very underhanded, buddy!" Terrance exclaimed.

"Quite! You are a dick!" Phillip accused.

Garnet held up her hands as she tried to defend herself from the verbal assault she was receiving. "Wait, it's not what you think. Bismuth told me all of this before I left the White House, it's possible that things changed."

"Why should we trust you?" Kyle asked. "You've never given us a reason to!"

"I believe her," Peridot interjected, much to everyone's shock. "...only because she now knows that she's outnumbered and outmatched. We ALL have Light Disruptor Cannons now. If she were caught lying to us, we'd be forced to poof her. And I would be forced to… well, she knows. While I'm still not entirely trusting of her, I do believe she's telling the truth this time."

Steven crossed his arms. "I'm not so sure."

Garnet's heart nearly shattered at that. Not even Steven trusted her anymore. She really did screw up. "Listen… if we don't get into any scraps with the Canadians, we'll be fine. Terrance and Phillip are here. They can help us explain the situation."

Phillip scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, about that… we're sort of wanted for treason right now."

"WHAT?!" the group exclaimed, once again taken aback.

"AGH! Jesus, why are you wanted?!" Tweek asked, twitching even more now. His heart couldn't take much more of this.

Terrance pointed back down at the Kindergarten. The Canadian man that Garnet recognized as Scott approached Mephisto. "You better be working hard!" he warned. "You aren't planning to escape are you?"

"No, I'm not planning to escape," Mephisto sighed.

"Good, because I'll tell on you!" Scott walked away.

"That's Scott," Phillip explained. "He's a dick! When the war started, he accused me and Terrance of being spies for the US because of how well our show sells down there, and now we're fugitives!"

Steven put his hands on his head in shock. "That's terrible!"

"That's Scott the Dick for you," Phillip said while shaking his head. "He was just a regular dick, but he got radiation poisoning from the nuclear bombing of Toronto and grew. Now he's a GIANT dick!"

Peridot looked back down at Scott the Giant Dick. "He's only slightly taller than an ordinary human," she observed. "I'd hardly call that 'giant'."

"Yes, well, you're a midget, so what do you know?"

Steven started walking down the hill. Connie looked over at him. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"Well, we HAVE to go down there eventually," he replied. "If Dr. Mephisto gets those injectors working, this whole part of Canada is gonna be uninhabitable."

Peridot scoffed. "Most of Canada is already uninhabitable. Perhaps with a bit of my Kindergartener knowledge…"

"No, Peridot," Steven said sternly. "We can't let them activate it. You KNOW that."

"I guess…" Peridot crossed her arms as the others followed Steven. Mitch Conner arrived again.

"Psst! Peridot!" he said. "You've got some pretty good ideas."

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"Well, with a Gem army behind you, Pearl and Bismuth would be forced to surrender!" Conner explained. "This war could be over—" Mitch used himself to snap "—just like that."

Peridot thought about it. "Hmmm. You are right. They wouldn't stand a chance. But… it wouldn't be right. I don't want to ruin the environment just to get revenge on Pearl and Bismuth."

"Revenge? Who said it was about revenge?" Mitch Conner asked. "If the war continues, it's going to go nuclear. Then the whole PLANET will be uninhabitable. What's one corner of scorched earth to save the others?"

Peridot thought about it some more. The sooner the war ended, the better. AND she'd finally get to run a Kindergarten again! Mitch Conner made a lot of really good points! She was liking this guy more and more. Once again, however, she had to shake her head. "Sorry, no. Steven doesn't want me to do it."

"Ah, Steven's a war criminal, who cares what he thinks? You'll learn, soon enough…" Peridot opened her hand and fluttered her fingers, and Mitch Conner was gone.

Gerald sat silently on his sofa as he read the newspaper. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Standing up, he walked over to open it, and see who it was. Before he could register the several American soldiers standing before him, however, one of them knocked him unconscious with a rifle butt to the face.

"All clear!" the attacking soldier yelled. The others entered the room and began turning it upside down. General Revaur, a four-star general who commanded the armed forces in the States, entered the room, hands behind his back. The soldiers saluted him. "Sir, awaiting orders!"

"Find this 'Ike Broflovski,'" Revaur commanded. "He's a criminal mastermind and the technical leader of the Crystal Renegades. The President wants him and his team taken to Guantanamo Bay for questioning."

"Sir, yes sir!" the soldiers saluted once more and began searching the house.

Just then, Ike and the Rubies began climbing down the stairs, as they were running low on snacks and needed more. Halfway down the stairs, Ike noticed all of the soldiers ransacking the room. "Shit!" he yelled in a hushed tone as he ran back up to the top of the stairs, dragging the Rubies with him.

"What's the matter?" Doc asked. Ike pointed at the soldiers invading his home. "Oh, that's not good."

"What are we gonna do?!" Army asked, panicking slightly.

Ike glared at the soldiers and nodded to his friends. He led them back into his room and walked over to the closet. Shuffling through the closet, he found a briefcase labeled 'Protocol Zero', which he opened. Inside were several Portable Light Disruptors Peridot had given him. He handed one to each of the Rubies, then took one for himself, and nodded to his teammates.

They walked to the window, which Ike opened. Anticipating the need for such an escape, he'd had a zipline installed between his window and the tree on the street corner, and he directed each of the Rubies to get on it.

"Oh, wow!" Navy said excitedly as she hooked herself on. "I bet ziplining is tons of fun!"

Ike heard a knock on his door. "Sir! This door's locked! I think I heard voices in here!" Widening his eyes, Ike pushed the remaining Rubies down the zipline and hooked himself on, just as the soldiers broke down the door. "Hey, you!" one of them shouted as they retrieved their weapons.

Ike turned his head towards them and glared. "You're a pussy's pussy!" he said as he zipped to the tree, where the Rubies were waiting. "Run!" he yelled. Ike and the Rubies ran away from the house… but stopped. Ike gasped.

The US military had begun occupying South Park. Ike watched was Wendy Testaburger was dragged out of her house by two soldiers. "Hey, get off— let go of me!"

"Wendy Testaburger, AKA Wendyl, AKA Call Girl, the Crystal Renegades' social media manager," a soldier read off her rap sheet. "She's been tweeting memes about Americans stealing oil and utilizing characters such as Pepe the Frog and the 'Had to do it to them' kid. That's terrorist propaganda! Off to Guantanamo with you!"

Ike turned his head. Other kids were being pulled out of their houses as well. Clyde cried as he was thrown into a SWAT truck. Token attempted to protest. "You're throwing kids in a torture camp, are you proud of yourselves?"

"Oh my god, he has a gun!" the soldier handling him shouted.

"What? No I don't— AGH!" Token was smacked with the butt of a rifle and knocked unconscious.

Mr. Garrison was also being dragged out of this house. Although he seemed to be protesting, something about his tone told Ike he wasn't actually. "Oh, jeez, please don't do that anal feeding torture on me!" he 'begged'.

The soldier handling him was confused. "What?"

"Please don't stick a tube up my ass and shove nutrients down there to rehydrate me when I refuse to eat!"

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Mr. Garrison?!" Wendy asked as the soldiers dragged her past her teacher.

Mr. Garrison continued his depraved rant. "And hey, maybe when you're done with that, you'll stick a flashlight up there without lubing it up first, that'll really teach me a lesson!"

The Canadian Crystal Gems attempted to fend off the invasion, but they were poofed almost immediately by the extremely well-prepared soldiers. PC Principal was arrested for teaching 'propaganda' to his students, and Lion… just slept through the entire thing. Even the New Kid, who had nothing to do with the Crystal Renegades, was detained by American forces.

Randy Marsh got dragged out of his house as Sharon and Shelley watched. "Dad?! What the fuck's going on?!" Shelley called out.

"Nothing Shelley, daddy has everything under control!" Randy lied, while the soldiers forced him away from his family. "Sharon, don't believe a WORD any of these soldiers say, no matter what they tell you, I am not a criminal!"

"I know Randy, I know! But what's—?"

"No matter what they tell you, I. Am NOT. Steven Universe's father, okay Sharon? You have to remember that, they'll try to lie to you and get a judge to make me pay child support, don't believe them!"

Sharon's panicked look turned into one of confusion, as she raised an eyebrow and tilted her head. "R-Randy, I think you have bigger problems than—"

"No! No no! Don't let them drill lies into your head, I am not his father! Just remember the song, Sharon! Remember Billie Jean!"

A soldier groaned. "God, will you shut up?"

"Billie Jean is not my lover!" Randy sang in a panicked tone. "She's just a fat fucking whore and that kid could be anyone's kid, Sharon, you have to believe me! Let go of me, you son of a bitch!"

Sharon placed her hand over her forehead and sighed at her husband's ludicrous sense of priority. Randy continued to kick and scream as he was tossed into the back of a truck. "Ah! AGH! But the kid is not my son!" he continued to sing Billie Jean as the truck hauled him away.

Ike and the Rubies had to leave the scene. If they stayed and watched any longer, they'd be caught. "We need to help those people!" Navy exclaimed as the group made it to the outskirts of South Park. "If we don't, who will?"

Ike blinked, and looked back at the town. He wasn't sure what they could do by themselves.

The Crystal Renegades slid down the hill they were on and snuck past several Canadians, eventually coming to Mephisto. "Dr. Mephisto!" Stan whispered, causing the scientist to raise an eyebrow and turn around.

"Ah, boys!" Mephisto greeted Stan, Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman. He glanced at the rest. "Oh, and you're all here too, I suppose."

"What the fuck's going on here?" Kyle asked.

Mephisto gestured to a nearby injector. "This is a Kindergarten. New Gems are made here, and the Canadian government wants me to reactivate it to bolster their military."

"I can't believe they're forcing you to do this…" Garnet muttered.

"Forcing me? Oh, no, I'm here of my own free will," Mephisto denied he was in any trouble.

Cartman blinked. "What."

"They're paying me THOUSANDS of dollars to bring this Kindergarten back to life," Mephisto explained. "Just think of how many asses I could clone with that kind of money."

"Dude!" Stan yelled, quite reasonably upset. "There's a WAR going on right now!"

Mephisto rolled his eyes. "I am a scientist without borders. My services are available to the highest bidder, no questions asked."

Steven cast a confused glance to Connie, who shrugged. "I know we're… technically against the US here, but I feel like this is kind of a problem?" he said, earning yet another shrug from Connie.

"We'll deal with that later, I guess?" she said.

Steven shook his head. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. Dr. Mephisto, you CAN'T turn on this Kindergarten!"

"Why not? I'm being paid."

"Forget the money, it'll kill the planet!"

"It'll just kill this little section of the planet. Nobody's using it."

"That's…!" Steven was about to correct him, but he didn't actually know the extent of a Kindergarten's damage. He looked at Peridot. "Peridot?"

"Mephisto is technically correct," Peridot nodded. "A Kindergarten of this size will only create a few hundred Gems, and they'll spend a few months gestating. Over those few months, they'll drain nutrients from… basically just this part of Ontario. The damage wouldn't even reach Toronto."

Steven was now presented with a huge moral dilemma. The longer this war continued, the more damage the involved parties would do to the planet… potentially outweighing the damage this Kindergarten would do. Should they let Mephisto continue with his work, let him destroy this part of the planet… in order to save the rest of it?

"Steven?" Stan asked. Steven looked over. Everyone was looking to HIM to provide an answer to their dilemma, as if HE was their leader. "What are we going to do?" Truthfully, Steven didn't HAVE an answer; he was still trying to way the pros and the cons.

What if Peridot and Dr. Mephisto were mistaken? What if the damage was more widespread than their estimations? ...and even if it wasn't, Peridot said it took months for the Kindergarten to do its thing. What if the war was over by then? This would all be for nothing.

Suddenly, Tweek's phone buzzed. As he was already on-edge, this freaked him out immensely. "AGH! Agh!"

"It's okay, Tweek," Craig said, trying to calm him down. "Your phone is just getting a news alert."

Tweek pulled his phone out of his pocket. His eyes bugged out, and he began tugging on his hair. "AGH! AGGGHH!" he shouted.

"What is it, Tweek?" Butters asked.

"The President is making a televised address!" Tweek shouted. "Oh god, what if she's ordering a nuclear strike?!"

"Just play the video, guy," Terrance said, and Tweek complied.

President Pearl sat at the Resolute Desk, addressing the audience directly. It appeared she was alone this time; neither Bismuth, nor any of her cabinet members, were with her. "Good evening, my fellow Earthicans," she greeted.

Peridot scoffed and rolled her eyes. "She stole that line from an episode of Futurama."

"Over the last few months, this nation has pursued a military campaign against our neighbors to the north that I, initially, believed to be the right decision to protect the ones I love." Pearl sighed and leaned back in her seat, as if she were struggling to say her next line. She stared up at the ceiling in silence for a brief moment. "I no longer believe this to be the case."

This caught everyone off-guard. Steven gasped. Peridot raised her eyebrows in interest. Garnet and Amethyst smiled at each other. Cartman, however, didn't trust it one bit. "No, see, she's doing something, here," he said. "She has an ulterior motive."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Cartman, you're a sociopath, what would you know about other people's motivations?"

"It's because I'm a sociopath that I know something's up, Kyle," Cartman argued back. "Isn't there something in your Jew mind that tells you when someone else is telling Jew lies? This is that. Pearl is up to something."

Steven frowned. "I really hope you're wrong."

Pearl continued her address. "I will be directly communicating with Prime Minister Trudeau, as well as his allies in Europe, Mrs. May and Mr. Macron, and attempting to set up a peace conference, so that I may draft out terms of surrender. I know now that what I did was wrong, and I will be responsible for no more suffering, of my people or of theirs."

Terrance and Phillip smiled at each other. "Phillip, isn't this fantastic?" Terrance beamed. "The war is over!"

"...however, I would like to ask something of somebody in particular, before all of this happens," Pearl continued. Everyone watching frowned.

Cartman nodded. "Heeeeere's the ulterior motive."

"Steven, Amethyst, Garnet… Peridot… I know you four are watching this. I hope you are, anyway."

Connie glared at the screen. "Oh, sure, I guess I don't exist."

"I messed up," Pearl admitted. "Bad. I know the trouble I've caused, the hurt I've wrought, and the damage I've done are irreversible and unforgivable. What happened to Lapis Lazuli was unfortunate, unnecessary, and totally over-the-line. Bismuth and I both agree on this. I don't expect to ever be able to make up for what I've done." She sighed. "But I'm going to try. I will do everything I can and more to earn your trust and your love back. Essentially, what I'm trying to say is… I'm sorry. And I'm asking… no, BEGGING for your forgiveness. I would like for the Crystal Renegades to come to the White House. I want to be a family again."

Steven furrowed his brow. "The White House… she wants us to come straight to the capital. Why? If she wants to be a family again, why isn't she resigning?"

Pearl glanced at someone off-camera. "As for the other Crystal Renegades… you should come, too. THEY have something to say." She gestured for the off-camera parties to come behind her desk. The Renegades gasped as Sheila Broflovski, Carol McCormick, Liane Cartman, Stephen Stotch, Greg Universe, and Mrs. Maheswaran all entered the scene. Tweek and Craig assumed their parents were somewhere off-screen, but Stan was slightly perturbed when he realized HIS parents were nowhere to be found.

"Kyle, it's your mother," Sheila greeted the camera. "I'm very worried for your safety. Please, if you're watching this, you need to come home."

"What the fuck?!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Schtu-ball, this kind of got out of hand," Greg said, scratching the back of his head. "I just wanted to protect you, but all we did was put you in danger. I haven't seen you in months. I'm worried, and I miss you. Please, come to Washington so we can put this all behind us."

The parents all nodded in agreement, except for Butters' dad, who pushed his way to the front of the crowd. "Butters! I thought I told you NOT to join any resistance movements! If you don't come to the White House and have dinner with the President RIGHT THIS SECOND, you are GROUNDED mister!"

Butters' eyes widened. "Aw, jeez, fellas, we have to go, I don't wanna be grounded."

Pearl returned to speaking. "As I'm sure you've guessed, the peace talks can't begin until I receive closure from those I love. Please, come to the White House as soon as possible. I await your visit. I love you, Steven." The address ended, and the usual news anchors began analyzing the address. Tweek closed the news app, more freaked out than ever.

"...she's luring us," Kyle concluded.

Steven didn't want to believe it. "Kyle… I don't know if—"

"Well what do you call that, fatass?!" Kyle yelled at Steven. "She's fucking blackmailing us, dipshit! She wants us to waltz right into her territory so she can kill US and throw YOUR fat ass in the slammer! Or brainwash you, or something."

Stan glared at Kyle. "Hey, Kyle, lay off, alright?"

"Oh, what, SUDDENLY you care about Steven's feelings?" Kyle asked. "I'm sorry, the truth fucking hurts! Pearl's a bitch and she's trying to get us fucking killed! Just like Lapis!"

Peridot nodded. "Kyle's right. It's almost certainly a trap. We might as well walk in waving a white flag."

Steven put his hands in his pockets. "Damn it," he muttered. "So what do we do?"

Peridot hesitated. She didn't want to suggest what she was about to suggest, after Steven told her twice already that this wasn't an option, but… they were running OUT of available options. "...you know, Steven, we don't have to go in there alone."

"What do you mean?" Steven asked. Peridot pointed to the injector behind him. "Oh. No, we can't. It's—"

"We're running out of options," Peridot argued. "The longer we wait, the more damage Pearl does to this planet… and the more we risk this war going nuclear. The Kindergarten will destroy this part of the planet, but it could save MILLIONS, maybe even BILLIONS of lives in the long run." She paused. "Ultimately, it's your choice, but… I just wanted you to know that's still one of our options. If we rush production and prioritize only a few rows, we could have a couple dozen Quartz soldiers ready to fight in two weeks."

"Two weeks? But you said—"

"If we devote our resources evenly across the Kindergarten, then yes, it will take several months. But if we're smart and we prioritize, we could have an army of our own in time to march into Pearl's office on an even playing field."

Steven looked around at his other companions. Everyone was looking at him to make a decision. EVERYONE. He looked at the one person whose entire existence was owed to one of the Earth Kindergartens. "Amethyst?"

Amethyst sighed. "I don't like this one bit. I spent YEARS trying to come to terms with the damage that my very EXISTENCE did to the planet." She paused. "...but… if you're waiting for me to tell you we shouldn't do this, I wouldn't hold your breath. Peridot's right. We're out of options. Ultimately… it's up to you."

Garnet nodded. "We trusted Rose to make decisions like this for us all the time. I know it's sort of a heavy burden to bear, but now we're trusting YOU to make those decisions. Whatever you decide to do, we'll all stand behind you to help you through the aftermath."

Steven looked back at everyone else. Connie looked worried, but she wasn't saying anything. Terrance and Phillip seemed like they wanted to see the Kindergarten activated. The Boys at least knew the seriousness of the situation, based on the looks on their faces. "Well, dude?" Kenny asked, his voice muffled by his hood. "What are we gonna do?"

Steven thought for a moment more. Finally, he sighed. "Peridot. I want you and Dr. Mephisto to work together to make the most efficient, least environmentally damaging use of this Kindergarten as possible."

Peridot actually looked surprised. She also looked worried. "Are you sure about this?"

"No, but… I don't know what else to do. Just… do it. Turn on the injectors."

Tweek twitched. "Agh! AGHH, AAAAGH!" he screamed as he collapsed, completely exhausted from all of the freaking out he'd been doing. Craig glanced over at his boyfriend.

"Uh… he'll be fine. He does this all the time."

Connie gasped softly. She looked at Amethyst, who looked worried, but not angry with Steven. Garnet crossed her arms with a neutral expression on her face. "Steven, are we really doing this?" Connie asked.

Steven nodded. "Yeah. We're doing this. I'm really, really sorry."

Connie shook her head. "Don't apologize, it's just… you seem so DEFEATED. Is this really what you want?"

Steven looked annoyed. "No, Connie, of COURSE it's not what I want. Why would I WANT this?" Realizing he was losing his temper, he walked away to try and calm down.

"Steven, wait!" Connie started to follow, but Garnet grabbed her shoulder.

"Steven needs some time alone," she said. "He just had to make a very, very hard decision. One which will cause irreversible damage to the planet. He's going to blame himself for it for a very, very long time… perhaps for the rest of his life."

"Then why is he doing it?"

"...he believes the damage done here will be outdone by the lives he'll save by ending this war quickly. I'm inclined to believe he's correct." Garnet sat down on a rock. "Rose had to make tough decisions like this frequently. I had hoped Steven would never have to do so, but here we are."

"Let's just hope it's all worth it," Stan commented.

"Yes. Let's hope."

Terrance stared at the Crystal Renegades as they contemplated the situation. "Jesus Christ, you guys are fucking depressing. No wonder nobody likes you." Phillip farted, and both Canadians laughed.

Nobody else was laughing.