92 Tom's POV

I swear I wasn't having panic attacks, I wasn't. I just, was scared. I was just scared. I wasn't used... I didn't usually do this. I never did this. I didn't make decisions, didn't take risks, I did as told, asked before I made a move, I didn't just decide for everyone. It wasn't right, I was going to get it wrong, I always got it wrong and I worried everyone and angered them and if I did that too often they would turn on me like she did and I couldn't take that again please I couldn't let them go the same way I needed them on my side I needed them to like me.

"Shh, shhh, it's alright Tom. It's all alright. Take a deep breath if you can." Dougie instructed, "Follow my breaths, copy what I'm doing. Breathe in... breathe out... breathe in... breathe out."

I barely managed to follow his instructions, barely managed to calm my breaths, but it didn't stop the panic, it never stopped the panic. I was so damn scared all the time. So, so scared.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I whispered weakly, trying to calm the shakes, the hysteria.

"Nothing to be sorry about, nothing at all." Dougie smiled weakly, his hand still on my shoulder, always there, like he wanted me to know that he was next to me.

"I'm sorry, please, please don't hate me." I couldn't deal with him hating me too, couldn't stand the thought of anyone hating me as much as my wife did. They'd all been so nice to me recently, so damn nice, I couldn't have them turn cruel as well. Even when I fucked up, I didn't want them to hate me.

"I don't, none of us could possibly ever hate you, no matter what you do. We understand that this is hard to deal with, and that you're going to have a few panics, but that's normal. It's really, really normal, and we're all here to support you through it." Dougie sounded so sincere, but how could he be sure of that? How could he possibly know that? I screwed up so often, I couldn't even make dinner without freaking out, how could he possibly promise that I wasn't going to eventually break that one last straw?

"H-How, how can you?" I didn't understand, I didn't understand his faith in this, didn't understand any of it.

"Because you never gave up on me, none of you did." Dougie answered simply, "You guys, while I was ill, all rallied around me in every way you possibly could. You never complained when I got panicky, or when I wasn't 100%, or when I was having a bad day. You treated me like you always did, and I know you never got angry with me for it. You never got angry, never got tired, and never acted like I was a burden. Why wouldn't we do the same to you? Yeah the situation is a little different, but it's still all about recovering who you were, and getting back to how you used to be, and why would we ever begrudge you that? Or get angry when something scares you?"

"Be-because she-" I started, Dougie cut me off.

"We are not her in any way, shape or form. We're your friends, and we love you, all of you. We're not here to cut you down, or treat you like dirt. We're here to help, to support, and to accept you in any way you are. So you're having a hard time, doesn't mean you're less of a person, or less in need of respect and love. It's lonely enough going through something like this, let alone if you have to do it completely alone." Dougie's hand slid down my arm, holding onto my hand, "Tom, we are not your wife, or anybody but your friends. We'll be here through it all, judgement free. You can scream and cry out, have as many panic attacks as you want, can swear and break things, go completely insane if you want, and we'll still be here, fighting your corner. That you can be sure of."

"T-Thank you." I whispered, unsure what else to say to that. What could you say to that?

"Nothing to be thanked for. Now, how about if we go back inside and finish dinner? Maybe phone Natasha afterwards, I think it'd be best if you had a talk with her soon." Dougie suggested, I nodded, letting him help me stand up.