perfectfiresky - Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it! :D
98 Dougie's POV
Tom talked with Danny for hours about things he would like to do again, but when Buzz interrupted them by waking up in the middle, the conversation was ended, and not picked back up again. Tom didn't ask to try anything, or spoke of anything he fancied doing, he just... went on like normal. I expected it to happen if I'm honest, and always knew that he wouldn't immediately jump into things again, but I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that he wasn't doing something immediately.
I knew why, of course. It was scary, trying to jump back into your old activities, like nothing had happened. Like you hadn't stopped doing them years ago. I had struggled a lot with this part, hadn't really had any idea on what to do with myself. I was lucky though, Harry had been great at gently encouraging me to do things again, Tom though, he only had us. And he wasn't that receptive to our encouragements.
At least he still kept to his weekly hour of play with Buzz. At least he still did that. Even if that hour was spent watching him round around the garden. Tom was stopping and relaxing for a few minutes, he was choosing to stop, to take a break, though he probably didn't view it as a break. It was important though, very important. Every choice he made for himself was important, even when he had been convinced to do it by his therapist. It was all a learning curve, and the more choices Tom made for himself, the better chance he had at making the bigger choices later.
And in fact, we didn't have to wait too long for that (slightly) bigger choice to come along. Tom had his usual therapy session with Natasha, and then just a few days later, we woke up to find both he and Buzz were wearing matching shirts. Actual, matching shirts. Identical in fact. White with black polka-dots on. They had never been seen in around here before, never. Tom always dressed differently to Buzz, always in more practical, sensible clothes, while Buzz was in bright colours. They had never matched before, not once in Buzz's entire life.
That had to mean something, that had to be something Tom had chosen, something that he had wanted to do. By the way Danny was grinning, it was.
"Aw, you're the spitting image of each other." Harry managed to speak first, making it sound light and encouraging.
"I wanted," Tom started, then paused briefly, "I wanted to have us matching for once. We never... we've never matched." He continued, running his hand through Buzz's hair, as if to put it into place, despite the fact that it already was. He wasn't looking at us, was watching his son instead, but it didn't matter, he was stating what he wanted, was trying for it, that was all that mattered.
"Looks good on you both." Danny grinned, before starting to serve up his own breakfast. It was always best to do some gentle encouraging, then act like nothing was out of the ordinary. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Tom had just dressed himself and his son in matching shirts, something a lot of parents did, it wasn't news worthy, not really. It was a good thing for Tom himself, but it couldn't be treated as if he had just climbed Everest, even if it felt like it had to him.
"T-Thanks." Tom whispered, shifting uncomfortably. He really didn't seem all too comfortable with this, even though it was something so small in the grand scheme of things. But he was trying, and that was the main thing, trying was always the start to getting better. That's why my therapist told me, it doesn't matter if you fail, because you tried, and trying is always the start to getting better.
Tom never managed to look comfortable the whole day, at times he looked as if he wanted to climb out of his own skin. He was trying though, and that was the main thing in the end. It didn't matter that he only relaxed when Buzz was in bed, that judging by the way he was fiddling with the shirt, he wanted it off too, he was trying, and trying was so important. So damn important. He was being brave, trying new things, figuring out where his comfort zone lay, of course he was allowed to feel uncomfortable and out of sorts. It was how recovery worked.
But he was trying, Tom was trying, who could ask for more than that