Will came home from work that afternoon and thought he was alone. Jay and Erin were still working, so was Nina, and Hailey had class. Or, at least she was supposed to be in class. She had left early that morning and he hadn't spoken to her much in the last few days because he was working so much. So, when he saw her sitting on her bed as he walked by her room, he knew something wasn't right.
"Hey," Will said from the doorway. "What are you doing home?"
"Uhm," she sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "Scott and I broke up. Well, not broke up since apparently we were never together, but whatever it was, we ended it. Or, I did."
Will walked into the room and sat down in the chair at her desk. "What happened?"
Hailey reached over and opened her nightstand drawer. "I changed, but he didn't," she said. "He brings stuff and he leaves stuff, and he has no interest in stopping."
Will frowned and glanced in the drawer to see a pill bottle half full with different kinds of pills, a small bag of what he was sure was cocaine, and another bag with weed. "Did you take anything?" He asked. "You know I have to ask."
"No, but I need you to get rid of this." She said. "It's all the stuff he's left here the last few months."
Will studied her for a moment. She was struggling, she wanted to take them, and he could see it. "No, you're going to do it," he said. "Come on,"
Hailey stared at the bottle of pills and the bags before she got up and walked across the hall to the bathroom. She dumped them out into the toilet and flushed it without hesitation. She dropped the empty bottle and bags in the trash can and turned around, wrapping her arms around Will's waist.
"Good job," he said as he rubbed her back.
"I'm sad, but this can't be my life," she said.
"It's hard to walk away from someone you still have feelings for," he said, wiping away her tears as they separated. "Sometimes it's for the best."
"You know what he said to me? He said we probably would have never become anything if I wasn't so damaged," she said. "I couldn't disagree, and if I don't know the answer, how can I stay with him?"
"Just because you turned to someone who was there and who made you feel heard in a time when you felt so alone, doesn't mean the feelings weren't real," he said. "I think now that you are clean and now that you have Jay and me, you maybe see some red flags. Things don't always work out, even when everything is good."
"It wasn't always bad," she said.
"Hails, can I ask you something?" He said as he leaned against the bathroom counter. "You always told us you took pills to get high, MDMA mostly, but you never mentioned cocaine. Have you done that much?"
She knew where he was headed with this conversation, so she nodded. "Yeah," she whispered with a shrug. "Kind of."
"I ask because heavy cocaine use can cause problems with your septum, even after you stop." He explained. "It's probably what caused your nosebleeds, how bad was it?"
Hailey shrugged again. "I kind of went back and forth between it and the pills," she said. "Last time I used it was when Jay got shot."
Will nodded, remembering her erratic behaviour in the hospital. "Will you let me make some appointments to make sure there's not long term damage?"
"With my nose?" she frowned.
"With your heart," he said. "Just to be safe, you know heart issues run in the family."
"Yeah," she nodded, knowing he was talking about their Dad. "Fine."
"Hey, what's going on?" Jay asked when he came home from work and found them upstairs in the bathroom. He had been working undercover at a home for troubled teens, the case was a bad one and he was happy to have it wrapped up.
"Hails is having a rough day," Will said.
"I broke up with Scott," she said. "He came over, he was high and he cares more about getting high than being with me, so that's that."
"Oh, baby, I'm sorry," Jay said as he slipped an arm around her. "You deserve the best, and he isn't what's best for you."
"I know, but it doesn't make it hurt any less," she said as the tears sprang to her eyes again. She turned into his embrace and Jay wrapped both his arms around her, resting his chin on her head as he glanced at Will briefly. "Dad was so emotionally unavailable and after Mom died, no one had even hugged me until I met Scott. I spent so long feeling so lonely that I just latched onto the first person that came along, and it's hard letting him go now."
"He didn't really give you a choice, Hailey." Will said. "If he's not going to change, you're going in different directions. You're doing the right thing, even if it doesn't feel like it, and Jay and I are here now. We will be here to hold you when you're feeling lonely, or upset, or scared."
"We should have been there then," Jay said with a sigh. "You know, I've had a rough few days at work, I need this too. So, let's make a deal that we keep talking to each other and we be here for each other whenever one of us needs it, alright?"
Hailey nodded against his chest. "Okay," she said.
OOOOO
The next few weeks were up and down for Hailey after her falling out with Scott. They shared most of the same friends, so losing him was like losing them too. She stopped going to classes because she didn't feel like chancing running into him, and because her interest and motivation had recently plummeted. She hadn't told Will or Jay what was going on, but she was seeing someone new and she had made some new friends. Things were looking better, and then they took a sudden turn for the worse.
"Lexi died twenty minutes ago," Voight said from his office doorway. "We can mourn when the scumbag who did this is in cuffs. Until then, what do we got?"
Jay made eye contact with Hailey at her desk before he dropped his head and sat back down at his desk. Hailey zoned out as they started talking about the case. She liked Lexi, they were friends. Not great friends, but maybe they would have been. She was one of the new friends she was hanging around with after Scott, and she was devastated to hear about her accident and now death.
Lindsay stopped in front of the board and moved Lexi's picture from the injured list to the DOA board. She did it slowly and everyone watched. They all felt this pain and grief. Jay reached out for Hailey and she went into his arms without hesitation. Being held by him made her feel better, safe and protected, even if he knew he couldn't protect her from things like this.
He frowned heavily as they separated and he made eye contact. "I love you," he whispered and dropped a kiss to her head before he headed down the stairs with Lindsay.
"I love you too," she called quietly as she wrapped her arms around herself and watched them leave. She didn't want him to leave, she didn't even want him to let her go, but he had a job to do.
Kevin joined her at the top of the stairs to check in. He kept just enough distance to be discreet and not draw any attention. "You good?"
"I was supposed to be there," she said. "I blew off that party and her, to go out with you."
"I know," he nodded. "You being there wouldn't have saved her, or anyone, it just would have put you on one of those boards."
"That doesn't make me feel any better," she sighed. "I haven't told him about us."
"That's okay," he shrugged. "You tell him when you want, just give me a heads up when you do tell him, but for now I like keeping my personal life private."
"Good, so do I," she nodded and they walked away from each other, each tending to separate things.
The rollercoaster that was her life continued when Jay left work to check on their Dad. She didn't want to go, even though she asked her a few times just to be sure. She knew something was up with his health because Jay called Will and turned the situation over to him before he came back to the district.
Their Dad wasn't doing well, heart condition paired with overwork, poor diet and excessive drinking was bound to catch up with him sooner or later. Of course, he was being stubborn and wouldn't accept any help. It only angered Jay, especially since Will was at their disposal, but then again their Father never approved of Will's career choice. He never approved of much when it came to his kids.
Jay needed to talk to Hailey, tell her what was going on, but it was an awkward conversation. She hadn't spoken to their Dad since she left the house a year ago, and she hadn't seen him since that night when he came to the old apartment and was drunk. She had no real intention of mending that fence and repairing their relationship. Will was the bridge in the family, between his siblings, his parents, and his Dad with Jay and Hailey. Will wanted to be there, be supportive and help their Father, but he was a stubborn man and even Will had his breaking point.
Hailey did come to the hospital with Jay when he went in for surgery, and they considered that progress. She's not exactly sure why she went, but probably the same reason her brothers were there too. No matter what he did, or how much he pushed them away, he was still their Dad at the end of the day.
Will was pacing in the waiting room and Hailey was watching him as she sat beside Jay, who was flipping through a magazine. Jay seemed fine, Will was nervous, and Hailey didn't feel much of anything in that moment. She wanted to, she was just afraid that if she let herself feel one thing, it would all flood back in.
"Relax," Jay said to Will. "Dad's too stubborn to die."
"You didn't see him. He ignored my medical opinion and he got worse. He considers me a disappointment because real men go right to work," Will said that last part just like their Father had and he shook his head. "He even freely talks about how much he hates doctors, so you can pretty much guess how he feels about and my career."
"He doesn't like the path any of us took," Jay smirked. "I gave up my military career to become a cop, he didn't like that either. We don't need his approval to live our lives. I'm proud of you, both of you."
It never occurred to Hailey that she wasn't the only one he messed up. "We're proud of you too," she smiled at him and Jay put his arm around her and pulled her close for a moment. "I have something to tell you, both of you."
"Are you finally going to tell us you're dating someone?" Will asked and grinned at her surprise. "What, you think we didn't know?"
"You've been happier the last few weeks," Jay smiled at her. "We noticed, and hey, if you and Scott worked things out, we will support you."
"It's not Scott," she said slowly and glanced from Will to Jay. "It's Kevin."
"CPD Kevin?" Jay raised his eyebrows. "Kevin Atwater, who I work with, in my unit, that Kevin?"
"Yes, that Kevin," she said, unable to hold back her smile.
"Huh," Will nodded. "Never would have guessed that. He's a great guy, Hails."
"Yeah, he is," she smiled again before looking at Jay. "Are you okay with this?"
"If he makes you happy, I'm okay with it." Jay nodded. "I mean that, Hails."
Dr. Rhodes came out and told them he was fine, the surgery worked and Jay didn't waste a moment telling Will he told him so. "I'm going to head back to the house because he'll probably need some stuff," he said. "Alright?"
Will nodded and Hailey glanced between the two. "I want to go too," she said. "I'm not ready to see him."
"Okay," Will said, giving her a one armed hug and rubbing her back.
Jay reached out for her, putting his arm around her as they left the hospital and headed over to the house. Hailey hadn't been home in so long that it felt like it was someone else's memory as she walked through the front doors. Everything was the same, and that made it worse because everything was a memory.
She walked around as Jay gathered up what he thought their Dad would need. Hailey ended up in her old bedroom, and noticed that nothing was touched or moved. She wondered if he even opened the door since she had been gone. There wasn't much of her stuff left, she took what she could that night she left and she had Will and Jay pick up things here and there when they visited. She never had a lot of stuff, but there were still some things in her room that reminded her of better times, her childhood and her Mother.
"You okay?" Jay asked from the doorway as she stood in the center of the room. "Taking a trip down memory lane?"
"It wasn't all bad," she smiled at him. "Do you every wonder what things would be like if Mom was still here?"
"Sometimes," he nodded. "But, it doesn't do any good to play the 'what if' game. Look, I'm the last person to defend him, but he loved her and when you lose someone that close to you, it's going to take a toll and it's going to leave some scars."
"I know, that's why this is so hard." She said. "I don't know what to do here Jay."
"You do what feels right for you, Hailey." He said. "Only you can forgive him for what he did. You get to make that choice, but maybe you need that closure."
"Does he know?" she asked. "About me, and the drugs."
"No," Jay shook his head. "Will and I decided that it wasn't our story to tell, so we never brought it up."
"Does he ask about me?" She asked and he could see the wheels spinning in her head.
"Every time I talk to him," Jay said. "He's waiting until you're ready."
Hailey nodded slowly. "I just keep thinking about how I would feel if he would have died today," she said. "And, I think I would have felt bad for never trying to fix things, but I don't want to end up getting hurt again either."
"I won't let him hurt you," Jay said. "Come on, let's get going."
Jay still had to drop their Dad's stuff off at the hospital with Will. Hailey had been quiet the entire drive, trying to decide what to do. She didn't know what the right thing was anymore, but the only thing she was holding to was that feeling of regret had he not been okay today. So, when Jay parked the car and went to get out of the car, she stopped him.
"I'm going to come," she asked. "Let me give him his stuff."
"Yeah," he said softly. "I think that's a good idea."
Hailey followed Jay through the hospital until they reached their Dad's hospital room. They lingered outside the doorway and watched a rarely sweet moment between their Dad and Will. He was trying to stand up for himself and was telling their Dad he needed to make changes, and they were all equally surprised at the kindness their Dad was showing.
Hailey took that moment to walk into the room, while Jay stayed in the doorway. Will turned around and took a few steps back from the bed to allow Hailey to move in the small room, but she stayed at the end of the bed as she made eye contact with her Dad. His eyes were full of emotion, he was holding back tears, something she had never seen.
"I didn't mean to," her Dad said, and there it was, the regret.
"I know," she whispered with a nod.