Disclaimer – It's all Bamco's. I just dabble in their sandbox. :)

A/N – I'm going to tug at your heartstrings again. Just a warning.

Inspiration – Various odds and bobs... this one sort of got away from me.

Without

Yuri woke up and, for a moment, he pretended that Flynn had only just gotten out of bed a short while ago. Just long enough for his side of the bed to have gone cold. Maybe he'd had an early meeting to attend. That happened a lot more than Yuri liked; the guildsman preferred the mornings when he could spend an hour more asleep than awake, curled up in his lover's arms, his nose pressed against Flynn's neck.

Flynn was not in a meeting.

The blond's scent lingered in the sheets and it was difficult for Yuri to pull away from them, but other things became apparent as he did. He was still almost fully dressed. His vest and belt were hooked over a chair, his boots lined up neatly beside it. There were the embers of a fire burning low in the fireplace; who ever had carried him into the castle had made sure to take good care of him when placing him in Flynn's – their – room.

Technically, Yuri still lived in the lower quarter, but it was a pretty open secret that he spent most evenings in Zaphias in Flynn's rooms. He didn't even bother scaling the wall outside their window anymore.

Maybe Leblanc had made sure Yuri made it safely back to home. Leblanc had been making certain Yuri made it home safely for years, since Yuri and Flynn... since Finath died and Yuri became a lower quarter orphan for the second time.

The problem was, home wasn't really the castle, or even his room in the Comet Inn. Home was where Flynn was and Flynn...

Flynn was missing.

It was supposed to be a routine inspection of the Knights in Mantaic. Flynn should have been gone about a week-and-a-half. Two, if things ran over, which hadn't seemed likely. The reports from that area were good, from Imperials and Guildsmen alike.

Only a day out to sea, the three ships headed for Mantaic, carrying replacement soldiers and trade goods, encountered a storm. The ships lost track of one another in the torrential downpour and immense waves. When the weather cleared, only two ships were left. The one Flynn was on... was just gone. No trace left, not even debris.

One ship turned around and headed straight back to port while the other ship carried on, searching for the missing ship while ensuring that their much needed supplies made it to the Knights who were already on low rations, running a survey of the land surrounding the archeological dig where the town of Yormgen once stood.

Leblanc was the one who'd brought the news to Yuri. He had been grateful it wasn't Sodia. Had she told him... Yuri might have decked her and she'd have arrested him on the spot. Sodia still treated Yuri like he was only a step above the mud on her boots and certainly not fit to be her Commandant's lover.

Yuri was getting rather sick of her insinuations that Flynn wasn't capable of making good choices where he was concerned. It was condescending and insulting to Flynn, who had actually arrested Yuri after the Adephagos was destroyed some three years earlier. He'd had some really good reasons not to arrest Yuri before then, what with the Knights needing all the help they could get fighting Alexei's coup and then Yuri being the only one with any experience using the Rizomata Formula (also Rita being very clear about how Yuri was the only person she trusted to use her version of Dein Nomos; no one wanted to upset the genius capable of making the very device they needed to save the world). But Yuri had known that going back to Aurnion – back to Flynn – would end with him going to jail. Sure enough, Flynn had hugged him and then guiltily held out the cuffs.

What Yuri truly regretted the most about killing Ragou and being responsible for Cumore's death, though he still believed his actions were necessary at the time, was the position it forced Flynn into. Murder was an executable offense; Flynn, and Yuri, had honestly believed that his life suddenly had a much closer deadline.

They'd both been wrong on that count, though.

Ioder stepped in a day later and pardoned Yuri, for service rendered to humanity, and made Yuri a Knight of the Realm, which entailed certain obligations to both the Empire and the Guilds that Yuri didn't like thinking about too much. He'd also warned Yuri that if he did anything that Flynn had to arrest him for again, Ioder would cheerfully assign him life imprisonment where he'd be kept out of trouble for Flynn's piece of mind. You see, Ioder was fond of having a Commandant who was not just competent, but trustworthy, and Yuri killing people, even just horrible ones that were plagues upon society, did bad things to Flynn's stress levels. Ioder did not like it when Flynn was over stressed. Apparently the Emperor was as loyal to his Commandant as his Commandant was to him.

Flynn had been rather pleased by Yuri's new found respect for Ioder.

Yuri stayed out of trouble after that, for the most part anyway. But with Flynn missing, Yuri's nerves were frayed pretty much to the breaking point.

After hearing the bad news from Leblanc, Yuri had immediately sought out Judy in order to enlist Ba'ul's help in doing an aerial search for Flynn's missing ship. He'd clung to the railing of the Fiertia for three days, scanning the water as they searched for any sign of a missing Imperial ship. He barely ate and he didn't sleep; it was little wonder he'd collapsed.

He'd come to moments later, dizzy and claustrophobic from the way his guild crowded around him. Estelle had convinced him to take a break below decks and Yuri agreed to some soup, which he sort of picked at, feeling more nauseous than anything. Yuri spent more time pouring over the maps, trying to figure out if there was a way to better optimize their search and tighten their coordination with the Imperial search vessels below.

"How about some tea? It'll soothe your nerves."

Yuri never would have guessed Estelle would drug him. But here he was, still struggling to push through the last vestiges of whatever she'd dosed his tea with.

If he weren't so damn worried about Flynn, Yuri probably would have been impressed.

Instead he was trying very, very hard not to start hyperventilating. Everywhere he looked was a place where pieces of Flynn should have been, but weren't. His armor was missing from the corner of the room where Yuri's fancy, barely used armor sat alone. Some of his clothes were missing from the closet. There was a canteen missing from the desk, which was devoid of the paperwork that usually crawled its way up out of Flynn's office.

Then there were the things that were there and taunted Yuri with memories of Flynn's presence. Not just the scent of Flynn lingering on the bedsheets, but the window where Yuri had knocked on as irritatingly as possible, the first time he'd visited these rooms.

Flynn was laughing as he opened the window and grabbed Yuri's arm, dragging the raven-haired man through the window. "You're a nut," Flynn told him, eyes shining with absolute joy at seeing Yuri. "Why can't you just use doors like a normal person?"

"Windows start to feel neglected, you know," Yuri joked, letting Flynn steer him over to sit on the couch. He hadn't seen Flynn in three weeks and it had been far too long. The time they'd been able to go months without seeing each other had passed, seeming unfathomable now. "I like the new rooms," Yuri offered, glancing around. "Feels comfy in here already."

"Maybe you could... stay the night?" Flynn offered with a blush. "There's plenty of room."

"Mmmm... it would be a long way back to the Inn," Yuri mused with a grin. "Doesn't seem worth it to leave tonight when I want to see you first thing in the morning anyway," he added, enjoying the way Flynn's blush extended down his neck. Yuri wondered how far down Flynn's blush actually went... and if he'd get to find out tonight.

The fireplace where they'd spent many cold nights cocooned in front of the flames, enjoying the warmth of the fire and feeling of being pressed together...

Yuri was soaked when he reached the castle steps and concluded that the only safe way to reach Flynn was to actually walk through the halls. Climbing up was certainly out; even if he didn't slip, fall, and break his neck, Flynn would be pissed off at him for being stupidly reckless instead of just regularly reckless.

He'd felt self-conscious, trailing water into the Imperial Palace front hall, but there had actually been towels at the front door – someone there had clearly thought of everything, including sopping wet visitors at late hours – and Yuri had managed to mop up enough of the water dripping off him that he wouldn't be leaving a trail of puddles all the way up to Flynn's room.

Despite the towel wrapped around his shoulders, by the time Yuri arrived at Flynn's door he was shaking from the cold that had permeated his damp clothes. When he walked in, Flynn looked up, somewhere between worried and relieved.

"You used the door..."

"Even I'm not stupid enough to scale walls in this weather, Flynn."

"Right..." Flynn sounded a bit suspicious of that claim, but he didn't contest it since Yuri really had walked through the door to get there. He walked over and started undoing the knot on Yuri's belt. "Let's get you out of these clothes. You must be freezing."

Teeth chattering, Yuri's assertion that Flynn didn't need excuses to get him naked was probably a little funnier than intended.

Knocking at the door roused Yuri from his thoughts and he opened it. Estelle, looking fidgety and guilty, stood there.

"I... uh... thought you'd be awake by now. The sedative should have mostly worn off..." She paused and then added, "no news from the search yet."

Yuri just nodded and opened the door further, gesturing for her to come on in.

"I'm not sorry for drugging you," Estelle told him as she walked in and settled on the couch. "If you make yourself sick, you won't do any good for Flynn."

"I know." Yuri told her, sitting quietly beside her. He tried not to think of all the times he'd sat there with Flynn, a cup of tea in the blond's hands and hot chocolate in his as they talked about anything and everything or nothing at all.

She handed him an apple that had been in one of her hidden pockets on her dress. "Eat. I'll send for some soup if you think you can handle that too."

Yuri shrugged. "Maybe." He took a bite out of the fruit as ordered and started crunching on it. To his surprise, he was hungry. "Yeah... soup would be fine."

Estelle rose, went to the door, and summoned one of the maids, asking her to go fetch some bland chicken soup. Then she sat back by Yuri. "When you collapsed, we were pretty scared, Yuri. I know you're worried about Flynn, but..."

"When Flynn and I were kids, we'd go exploring outside of Zaphias," Yuri interrupted softly. "Two stupid kids with a single dull sword between us and we'd go outside of the barrier thinking nothing could stop us. The two of us against the world. Then, one day we went a little too far and a sinkhole opened up under Flynn. There was a cave system too close to the surface and Flynn was just barely heavy enough to trigger the collapse. He broke his leg and was screaming..." Yuri trailed off, setting the apple aside. He didn't feel so hungry anymore.

"I was panicking, trying to figure out how to get down to him... but Flynn calmed down enough to convince me to go get help. So I did. I ran all the way back to town and got Hanks and Leblanc and some others, but when I tried to lead them back to Flynn... I got lost. I couldn't remember the right way to go and..." Yuri choked off, his hands tightening into fists and his eyes squeezing shut. He'd never quite forgiven himself for getting lost that day. "I was about to go the wrong way again when I heard the most horrible off-key singing. Never, ever let Flynn sing for you, Estelle. It's not as bad as his cooking, but that's only because you can't get food poisoning from a mangled song."

Estelle let out an almost laugh as her hand reached over to cover Yuri's fist. Reluctantly, he let that hand relax.

"I feel the same way now that I did then, Estelle. I keep panicking and I feel like I'm letting him down."

Pink hair swished back and forth as Estelle shook her head negatively so fast Yuri thought it a wonder she didn't giver herself whiplash. "None of this is your fault, Yuri. You didn't let him down then and you aren't letting him down now. But you have to take care of yourself, Yuri. He... uh..." Estelle bit her lip and looked down nervously. "During our first visit to Capua Torim, all those years ago... when I told Flynn I was going to keep traveling with you, he asked me to do something for him. 'Take care of Yuri for me.' Every time I said I'd be traveling with you, he'd ask again. At least, he did until he finally got comfortable with idea of the others looking out for you too."

Yuri stilled and smiled faintly, because that was such a Flynn thing to do. All the time he'd been asking Yuri to take care of Estelle, he'd been asking her to take care of him too.

"He panics over you too," she added softly. "After Zaude... I had to drug his tea a couple of days after you went missing... He wasn't as calm about it as you're being. For some reason, he kept insisting that such behavior wasn't very lady like," a shark-like smile that Estelle had to have learned from Judy briefly traveled across her face. "Whenever your missions go over your estimations by more than a couple of days, he gets antsy. The last time, he was just about ready to head out to find you... only to turn around and see you about to knock on his office window to be let in."

"I don't do the window thing that often any more," Yuri told her. "It just... seemed like a good idea that day."

There came a knocking at the door and Estelle got up to retrieve the soup from the maid. She let Yuri eat in silence and, fortunately, didn't complain when Yuri only managed half the bowl before pushing it aside. She did put some crackers in his hands, though, and gave him pointed looks until he started nibbling at them.

After the crackers were all gone, Estelle directed him to lay down on the couch, his head in her lap, and she stroked his hair soothingly until he finally fell into a fitful slumber.

The next morning, Yuri was deemed well enough to rejoin the search effort. Instead of one of his usual shirts, Yuri pulled on a white button-down that was just slightly too big for him; it was meant for Flynn's broader shoulders and it smelled of the blond ever so faintly, despite having been washed since Flynn last wore it.

It was comforting and settled Yuri's nerves as he assured his friends that, yes, he was really okay and, no, he wouldn't keep neglecting his health. Estelle would drug his tea again if he did, after all.

By the afternoon, Yuri's stomach had tied itself back up in knots and he only finished his sandwich from lunch because Estelle was giving him a look that made him oddly nervous. He kept a very close watch on his tea.

Still, day four, and no sign of Flynn. In some ways, it would have been easier if Flynn had been kidnapped. Then there would be bad guys to fight. There was an element of... helplessness to Flynn just being missing that set Yuri on edge the way having a real, flesh and blood enemy to fight wouldn't.

Right as Yuri was about to take a break below decks to get away from the looks of worry and pity that kept glancing his way, he saw something out of the corner of his eye. There was a speck in the distance and Yuri gestured to it. "Is that and island?"

Judy pulled up her binoculars and peered through them. Nodding, she handed it over for Yuri to take a look. "You're right, Yuri. Good catch. Think it's worth checking out?"

It was too far away to make out any details on the island, other than it was small and green, but Yuri nodded anyway. He had a good feeling about it. "Would you ask Ba'ul to change course?"

"Already ahead of you," Judy told him; Yuri could feel the ship sway as the dragon began a slow turn.

Hanging onto the binoculars, Yuri watched the island hungrily as they approached it, the features of the small speck growing more clear as they came closer. It wasn't long before he could make out the sight of a beach. Then a small cliff became clear.

Finally, a wreck, the front end beached while the back end had been split open on the rocks beneath the cliff. It looked like and Imperial vessel and Yuri let out a loud exclamation of relief at the sight. A small encampment was just barely visible next to the wreck and...

"Yes! Those are Knights walking around the tents!"

Judy grinned at him and took back the binoculars while Estelle threw her arms around Yuri. "We've found him," Estelle told him. "You've found him."

Almost dizzy with relief, Yuri moved through the half-hour it took to reach the island and come ashore in a haze. He wanted to believe that Flynn was there. He wanted to believe that when he stepped off the ramp, Flynn would be there waiting for him on the beach.

He was terrified about what would happen if Flynn wasn't there.

Walking out onto the sand, Yuri scanned the faces of the Knights, looking for blond hair and blue eyes and a smile just for him...

"Hey, uh, Yuri Lowell, right?" one of the knights asked.

Nodding uncertainly, Yuri couldn't quite manage to speak.

"Commandant Flynn is back there," he gestured to one of the tents. "His leg's broken; he'd be out here otherwise."

"Thanks," Yuri told him and hurried for the tent, needing to see for himself. He pushed open the flap and walked in to see Flynn sitting there on a cot, leg splinted and a smile lighting up his face.

"They said a flying ship was arriving and I knew it had to be you," Flynn said, trying to get up and stopping only when Yuri sat down beside him.

"Wh-what happened?" Yuri asked, his voice holding an unfamiliar rasp.

Concern showed on Flynn's face and he reached up to cup Yuri's face in his hands. "Hey, I'm okay."

"Your leg's broken."

"It'll heal soon enough," Flynn kissed him gently. "I'm okay."

Hands shaking, Yuri took Flynn's hands from his face and clutched them to his chest, leaning forward to bury his face against Flynn's neck. "I thought I'd lost you," Yuri whispered as Flynn dropped a kiss on his forehead.

"The ship was damaged during the storm and our spirit markers all fired at once," Flynn told him, voice soothing. "Even using blastia, I've never traveled so fast; I was knocked into the bulkhead. When I woke up, my leg was broken and so was the ship."

"They said you were missing and I started looking for you immediately," Yuri murmured, releasing Flynn's hands in favor of clutching the blond's shirt. Almost instantly, Flynn's arms were wrapped around Yuri's waist. "I don't like it when nature's responsible for you being missing," he added. "No one for me to beat up."

Flynn laughed softly. "I know what you mean."

"Estelle drugged my tea yesterday," Yuri said, snuggling into Flynn's hold more comfortably and closing his eyes. Suddenly he felt exhausted... and safe. Warm and safe and... Flynn smelled wonderful.

"Yeah, she does that. You didn't know she does that?" Flynn teased, though he tensed slightly, tightening his hold on Yuri. "Are you okay? She only does that sort of thing when..."

"I'm okay now," Yuri promised, starting to doze off. "I have you, so I'm okay now."

"So, we're kind of a sad lot, aren't we?"

There was a fire in the fireplace, making the room was nice and toasty. Yuri and Flynn were both dressed in loose clothing from the hot springs in Yumanju, curled up on the couch together. Flynn had a few days off to recover and Yuri was taking time away from the guild.

"What do you mean?" Flynn asked.

"We're kind of co-dependent on each other."

"I prefer to call it being in love with each other," Flynn countered with a chuckle.

"That too," Yuri agreed. "I panicked when I heard you were missing. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep..."

"I know. I've been there myself," Flynn cut him off. "It's like I can't breathe when you're missing. Every time it gets harder."

"So what do we do?" Yuri asked.

"There's not a lot we can do." Flynn shrugged. "We can't exactly quit our jobs. Neither of us are ready to give up what we do. So... for now... all we can do is try to be careful."

"That sucks," Yuri muttered. Flynn was right, after all. Yuri loved his guild work... loved the thrill that came from the more dangerous mission, loved the travel, loved helping people. Flynn loved his own job every bit as much, utilizing his opportunity to change the Empire for the better to the fullest. Neither would willingly give up that part of their lives... so, eventually something like this would happen again.

"For now, yeah... it really does."

Hopefully next time there would be someone Yuri could beat up.

A/N – While, the two of them are back together... it's not exactly a happy ending, is it? More melancholy, really. I was aiming for a much happier ending, but this is where it went instead. Not that the ending is bad... just, sort of sad.

Also, spirit markers are basically spirit artes that have been put into things to be used at a later date. They're sort of like blastia, but currently one use only and environmentally safe.