A/N: This is another nothing chapter, just something I'd written a while back. It fits well here so I'm posting it. Hope you like!
End of March
"I can't believe you dragged me here today," Jackie moaned, dragging her feet slowly across the tiled floor.
"I'd hardly call it dragging," Donna said, hooking her arm through her pregnant friend's. "All I said was 'hey, Jackie, wanna come to the mall?', you said 'sure!', and here we are."
"Well I must've been having a temporary blackout, one where I forgot I was the size of a whale and ready to burst," Jackie sulked. "Because I really shouldn't be out here looking like this -" she swept her hand down in front of herself, "- I look disgusting."
"No you don't. You look like you're going to have a baby very soon and you're glowing."
Jackie looked up at Donna. "Glowing?" she said. "Do you even know what glowing is, Donna? Because this isn't glowing. This is gross."
They stopped at a pretzel vendor and Jackie waited while Donna ordered them a pretzel each. Oh how she wished she was at home with her swollen ankles propped up. The mall on a Saturday morning was no place for a girl nearing her due date.
She snatched the warm pretzel from Donna's hand. "Ugh, it's like Steven's spawn is taking over my body and making me hate shopping. I should be loving this. I should be buying myself presents to make myself feel better but instead I'm acting like you, Donna, and complaining...oh my god, I'm turning into you...and Steven. Kill me now - or better yet - get this kid outta me, now!"
Donna grinned. "Midget, you only have a couple weeks to go. Before you know it you'll be shopping up a storm with your beautiful baby next to you. Awwww, she's gonna be so cute!" Donna gushed.
"Of course she'll be cute, she's mine," Jackie said. "But I can't wait a couple more weeks. I need her out now. She's ruined my body, my social life, and now my greatest joy in the life, shopping...her time is up, Donna. I'm evicting her today."
The two girls walked toward the shoe store, their purpose today was to find Donna some new summer shoes. Jackie didn't know why they were bothering - Donna only ever wore two types of shoes, brown ones, and ugly ones, and she was having no part in choosing either.
"I don't know why you're so eager to have her out," Donna said, checking out the shoes in the display window. "The only way you can get her out is to push her out...of there. I can't believe you're not freaking out. I'd be freaking out. Eric would be freaking out!"
Jackie rolled her eyes and chewed on her pretzel. "Eric freaks out when he sees his own shadow, and as for pushing this kid out - there are drugs for that, and I'm havin' them. All of them."
"Oohh, I forgot about the drugs bit, that'd be pretty cool. Pity we all can't come n try out what the hospital has on offer." Donna grinned.
Jackie frowned. "Yeah, 'cause having you lot fried outta your brains while I'm giving birth would be a dream come true for me," she said dryly following Donna into the store and over to the ugly shoe stand. She looked at the brown sandals Donna was eyeing up and shook her head. "Donna, I'm saying this as a friend who doesn't wanna see you go through life as an ugly girl - those shoes are revolting and if you buy them I promise to do everything in my power to make sure my waters break all over them. Got it?"
Donna's forehead creased and she let out a small laugh. "Geez, Jackie," she said, placing the sandal back on the plastic stand. "You could'a just said you didn't like them. I didn't need the visual of your amniotic fluid spilling all over my feet in my head like it is now."
Jackie sighed and bit down on her lip. She was over this pregnancy. Over the extra weight she was carrying around. Over the hormones. She wanted her body to be hers again but snapping at her friends wasn't gonna get her there any faster.
"Sorry," she said. "These hormones are making me crazy. This pregnancy is driving me crazy!"
Donna put an arm around Jackie's shoulder and the two continued to walk up the aisle, stopping every time Jackie spotted a shoe she thought suitable for her giant friend.
"I know you're over it," Donna said. "But I can assure you that within a month it'll be over. I've never, ever heard of anyone being pregnant forever. That's gotta make you feel better right?"
"Not really." Jackie picked up a silver sandal and passed it to Donna. "Try that one on," she ordered. When Donna sat down to try on the shoe Jackie sat down next to her, relieved to be off her own feet. "I'll tell you what will make me feel better," she said. "If you promise me you'll be there when I have her."
"I already did."
Jackie shook her head. "No, you didn't promise me, you just said 'sure, Jackie, I'll come with you to the hospital', that's not the same. I can't be there with just Steven. Can you imagine it? He'll just stand there, leaning against the wall, probably telling me to hurry up so he can go have a circle-"
"Jackie, come on, he won't be like that-"
"He's a guy, Donna. I know he's only coming because he thinks he has to. He'd probably rather a phone call when it's all over. You know Steven, the least amount of effort n all."
Donna stood up and walked a couple of feet to the mirror. She looked over at Jackie with raised brows and Jackie nodded. The shoes were perfect for her enormous feet. God Jackie was good.
"I really don't think Hyde will be like that," Donna said, slipping off the shoe and putting it with it's other half in the box. "I mean, sure he's a little lazy, and pretty nonchalant, but we've all noticed how much he's stepped up since you got pregnant. So many things he does now he would never have done a year ago. He'll wanna be with you when you give birth and I bet he'll be real supportive. But if it makes you feel any better I promise I'll be there with you." The girls walked to the counter and waited in line. Donna nudged Jackie. "Hey, so I take it you're not counting on your mom being back for the birth then?" she asked.
Jackie's stomach knotted. She'd been trying not to think about her mom lately. Thinking about Pam only led to tears and she needed to save those for when she was pushing a watermelon out of her girly parts.
"No," she said quietly. "I don't think she'll make it. It's fine though, 'cause I know she'll be bringing back loads of presents for me and the baby - stuff that we can't buy here - so me and my daughter will be the most stylish mother/daughter duo in town. That'll be so much better than having her at the birth feeding me ice cubes. I've got you to do that." She avoided Donna's pitying eyes and held her purse tightly. In a few weeks this would all be over. With or without her mother.
Meanwhile...in the basement...
Hyde walked out of his room grinning. "Well, boys, it's been a while since we've been free to do this in the basement on a Saturday morning but here we are." He held up a freshly rolled joint in one hand and a lighter in the other while Fez, Kelso and Eric looked on in glee. "So who should do the honours?" Hyde asked as he sat down on his chair.
Fez pulled the ottoman in front of the television and sat down. "Well I vote you should, Hyde, seeing as you are the one who is usually missing."
Hyde nodded and moved the joint to his lips. "Good choice, Fez," he said.
"Wait." Eric was standing up, his arm outstretched attempting to stop Hyde from lighting up. "Jackie n Donna could come back any minute. You sure we wanna do this? I mean, I know we all wanna do this, but my question is should we do this?"
Kelso rolled his eyes and bounced on the couch excitedly. "Relax, Eric. We'll just save the girls some. That way they won't feel un-included."
"Excluded," Hyde corrected him.
"Excluded, whatever," Kelso shrugged.
"No, Kelso, I'm not talking about saving them some - although we probably should save Donna a little, she gets mad when I partake without her - I'm talking about the last time we indulged in here and Jackie walked in. We only just made it outta that one with our lives-"
"Hey," Hyde said, joint still hanging out of the corner of his mouth. "You're forgetting my Grateful Dead t-shirt. That didn't make it. May it rest in peace."
The boys all nodding solemnly, remembering Jackie tearing the shirt off Hyde's back when she caught them smoking in the basement a few weeks back. She'd screamed that it was bad for her baby if she inhaled the fumes, and that it didn't matter that she hadn't told them she was dropping by, because they just should've just known. It didn't matter that she was crazy, Hyde had thought, they should've just locked all the doors so she couldn't get in. He shook his head at the memory.
Eric looked over at Hyde. "Yeah, it was a truly tragic day for your wardrobe, Hyde," he said. "But I think we're all forgetting something here - getting caught by Jackie is up there with getting caught by Red. Are we sure we wanna risk it?"
Hyde waved a dismissive hand at Eric and sat down. "I think you're forgetting something, Forman. Jackie n Donna have gone shopping, at the mall. They won't be back for hours."
"I dunno," Eric said. "Jackie didn't really look like she wanted to go -"
Fez nodded. "I agree with Eric. My goddess could barely get herself up off the couch. It is so horrible watching something that was once so small and spritely and beautiful become, so...so, um..."
"So fat," Kelso laughed.
Fez looked around the room nervously, as though the walls had ears. "Well I wasn't going to say that," he said. "Not the F word. Never say the F word around Jackie."
"She's not here," said Kelso. "So I'm free to say Jackie is fa-"
Hyde glared at Kelso. "She's not fat, she's pregnant, so watch your mouth, Kelso. Anyway, we're forgetting the point, right now Jackie's at the mall, a place she could stay in for hours. Now maybe she wasn't too keen on goin', but I guarantee that by now somethin' shiny or sparkly has caught her eye n made her forget how crappy she's feeling." He lit the joint and dragged hard on it, closing his eyes for a moment. He exhaled before smiling and saying, "Which means I can now forget how crappy I'm feelin' n get blazed. Who's with me?"
"Fine," Eric sighed as Kelso took the joint from Hyde. "I'm in. But just remember, Hyde, it's your funeral - or rather - your AC/DC t-shirt's funeral when Jackie catches us."
Hyde looked down at his t-shirt, his brain already feeling the effects of the sweet smoke. "Again, Forman, Jackie's at the mall. We're golden."
A few minutes later Hyde was staring at Eric through a cloud of smoke, his mind a fuzzy haze of words and thoughts. His head felt heavy, his mouth felt dry, his body felt relaxed. He pushed his sunglasses up on his nose and tried to concentrate on what Forman was saying.
"...and that, my friends, is why Daisy would totally choose Luke over Bo."
Fez inhaled. "Oh how I would love to do it with Daisy Duke. I would make her leave the shorts on. And the little shirt. And the boots..."
Hyde exhaled. "Good luck doin' it with her with her shorts on, Fez." He turned to Eric. "But I like where you're going with this, Forman. Tell us again about how doin' it with your cousin is okay?"
Kelso took the joint from Hyde. "No way is Daisy the Duke boy's cousin. It's a cover up for them being in some awesome three way relationship." He looked at Fez and winked. "I'd make her leave her boots on too, buddy."
Eric looked up at the ceiling. "Like, why do girls never choose the sensible guy? I mean, he's a war veteran, he was a boxer, he can slide over the General Lee...why wouldn't she choose him over Bo?"
"I would totally do it with Daisy in the General Lee." Fez dragged on the joint and handed it to Hyde. "And make her leave her boots on."
Hyde smiled. "If I had the General Lee I wouldn't be trying to nail my cousin - no offence, Forman. I'd be pickin' up chicks left, right n centre. Chicks love the General, man."
Kelso nodded. "Yeah, chicks love the General. If I had that car I'd-"
Just then, through the foggy haze, the boys heard the sound of the upstairs door opening. Eric was the first to react, rushing to the outside door, swinging it back and forth to allow fresh air in. Fez jumped off the ottoman and moved it to it's place by the deep freeze; leaving it in front of the TV was a dead giveaway. Kelso grabbed the can of air freshener, spraying it around the room all the while muttering 'oh my god, oh my god' over and over again. Hyde, meanwhile, scooped up the ashtray and ran to stash it in his bedroom, his heart pounding in his chest. He pushed the ceramic dish under his bed and stopped for a moment to compose himself. The slow footsteps coming down the stairs were Jackie's, without a doubt. Everybody else stepped quickly down them, but a heavily pregnant Jackie took her time and understandably so. He heard her sigh, she was near the bottom. He had to get out there and act straight. He liked his AC/DC t-shirt, he didn't wanna lose it.
By the time he walked back out the boys were all in their usual spots; Kelso on the lawn chair, Eric on the end of the couch closest to Hyde's chair, Fez at the other end of the couch closest to Kelso. Hyde moved toward his chair, wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead.
"Hey," he said as he met Jackie at the bottom of the stairs. She immediately grabbed his arm so he could help her down the last step and over to the couch. She looked exhausted. He felt as high as a kite.
"Hi," Jackie said, moving so slowly it was making Hyde trip out. "Move!" she yelled at Eric when she got to the couch. Eric jumped up straight away, paranoia written all over his face.
Jackie dropped her bags on the floor and flopped ungraciously down on the couch. She put both feet up on the wagon wheel and closed her eyes. Hyde looked at Eric. Eric looked at Kelso, then at Fez. Fez looked at Kelso then at Hyde. Hyde looked at Kelso. No one said a word. No one moved. No one knew what the fuck to do.
"Ah, how was shopping?" Hyde mumbled. He was still sweating. He felt like it was dripping off him and leaving puddles on the floor. He looked at the floor and was relieved to see no puddles.
Eric put his finger to his mouth. "Ssssh," he whispered. "Don't wake her."
Hyde slowly nodded. Eric was right, you never wake a sleeping giant. If Jackie was asleep then she hadn't noticed the room smelt like a cross between a Zeppelin concert and a public restroom, and that was a good thing. It gave them time to straighten up. And have something to eat. Yeah, Hyde needed something to eat.
He gestured to the stairs. "Let's leave her in peace," he said sweetly, just in case she could hear him. "She needs her rest."
Fez and Kelso slowly stood up, Kelso careful not to let the chair scrape on the concrete floor. All four boys tiptoed toward the stairs as quietly as they could, but froze when the outside door burst open.
"Where are you dillholes going?" Donna asked as the door slammed behind her. She sat down on the lawn chair and looked at them suspiciously.
"We're letting Jackie rest," Eric quickly said.
"Yeah, you wore her out, Donna. She needs to sleep. We're giving her time to do that." Hyde climbed another step. He had to get out of there. He couldn't breathe.
Jackie opened her eyes and turned her head to look at the boys. "I'm not even asleep," she said. "I was resting my eyes for a moment."
Hyde chuckled. Jackie was 'resting her eyes' a lot lately, usually for a couple of hours at a time. "Well we'll let you rest your eyes then," Hyde said. "We'll be back in an hour." Four sets of feet scrambled up the steps but before Hyde could open the door to freedom a voice called out to him.
"Steven, come back," Jackie called. "I want to show you what I brought."
"You can show me later, when you're rested."
"But I want to show you now. Pleeeease?"
Hyde took his hand off the door knob and turned around. Eric's eyes were fixed on him.
"Don't do it, Hyde," Eric warned him in a whisper. "If you go down we all have to go down and then we're all screwed. Just keep going up, buddy."
Fez nodded. He was a step below Eric and was pulling at his collar like the thing was strangling him. "Please, Hyde, don't make us go back down there. Pregnant Jackie scares me more than regular Jackie."
Hyde looked at his friends and then at the door. He wiped his brow again and contemplated what to do.
"Steeeeeven, what are you doing up there?"
"Fuck it!" Hyde pushed through his friends and stomped back down the stairs. His mouth felt like sandpaper, he was sweating bullets, and his friends were pissed at him, but none of that compared to having Jackie angry at him. He had to go back down there and act straight. It'd be just like the times he went to school stoned. He could do this.
"Show me what you got then," he said, sitting down on his chair.
Jackie proceeded to pull baby toys and clothes out of bags, while Eric, Kelso and Fez meandered at the back of the basement looking shady as hell. Hyde shook his head at them. They were making it obvious. As Jackie talked and pushed baby crap into his hands Hyde looked over at Donna. She was watching the boys with raised eyebrows, probably wondering what was so funny about a broken Etch-a-Sketch. Yeah, she knew. But she hadn't opened her mouth and dobbed them in so Hyde breathed a little easier.
"So, what do you think?" Jackie asked, holding up a red and black ladybug costume in baby size.
Hyde frowned. "I think we agreed we were only buying essentials, Jackie. And I don't think a ladybug costume is on the essentials list we were given."
"Come October it'll be essential," Jackie told him. "If I'd waited 'til September to start looking for Halloween costumes they'd be all sold out."
He was too stoned to argue. "Whatever."
Jackie's face fell. "I thought you'd be happy I was so organised, Steven."
Eric sat down on the back of the couch, right next to Jackie. "Hmmm, I don't know that happy, organised and Steven belong in the same sentence, Jackie. Unless it goes something like 'Steven Hyde organised the robbery of the jewellers and Red Forman isn't happy."
Jackie didn't bite back, she just pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and finger.
"You okay?" Hyde leaned forward and touched her leg with his hand. She was tired, over being pregnant, and he'd been trying to be empathetic...well as empathetic as he could be. He didn't know what it was like to be so pregnant. From the looks of her ankles and stretched skin it sure didn't look like fun.
She put her hands on the arm on the couch and lay her head on them. Her mismatched eyes looked up at Hyde. "I'm so tired," she moaned. "And sick of being pregnant."
He stroked her hair. "I know you are."
A chorus of 'aaawwwww's' echoed through the basement.
"Get bent!" Hyde yelled at everyone before looking back at Jackie.
"Can we go lie down in your room?" she asked. "My legs are aching, and my feet hurt, and I feel a headache coming on..."
A sleep? For sure Hyde could roll with that. His buzz had been killed and now he was just tired and thirsty. This was win win for him.
"Of course we can." He helped pull Jackie up from the couch and picked up all her bags before following her into the bedroom. On his way he stopped and pulled a Coke out of the tray on the deep freeze. He grinned at his friends on his way past. Today had been a good day.