I was happy.
They were accepting me.
Thought I couldn't return to my herd (it would put it in danger), I could stay with the twoleg herd and fight with them.

"First off," the leader continued. "The yeerks must not know we're humans. That means you can't demorph where someone could see you or thought-speak to any of them, all right?"
He sat in front of me and looked at me in the eyes. Twolegs sometime do that when they are talking about something serious.
"This rule is very important. You saw them. They're a lot more powerful and numerous than us. The only reason they didn't captured us so far is that they don't know who we are. If you have to respect just one rule, it must be this one, understand?"
« Yes, of course. »
"Good. Now, the second rule is to follow the orders. Sometime, they won't make sense to you but, even then, we need you to follow them."
« Well, you're the leader. I never had the intention to disobey you. » I said, almost offended at the suggestion I could do such a thing.
"Glad to hear that. So, the third rule is more about morality than safety, but you can't morph a sentient beings without their consent, ok?"
« Ok…» I said before turning toward the friendly twoleg. « But, how can I know if a being is sentient or not? I know most humans and buffalos are sentient but I have no ideas for the other species. I mean, even your species don't know how to know if someone is sentient or not. »
"Just ask us before you acquire something, all right?" Answered the friendly twoleg. "We'll tell you if it's sentient or not."
I looked at her, confused. I had no ideas what she meant by "acquiring". I mean, I knew what the word meant, but I couldn't figure out what meaning it had in the context: how could the act of taking something for oneself have anything to do with morphing?
« By "acquiring", you mean the act of obtaining something or… »
"No." She said with a little smile. "It's when you touch another animal to be able to transform into it."
Even if it still didn't make sense for me (it's not like you were taking anything from whichever animal you "acquired") I didn't say anything. They were, after all, twolegs: it was quite common for them to use words that didn't have any meanings in the context.
"The fourth and final rule" the leader said loudly, visibly annoyed I had shifted my attention to Cassie. "Is not to stay in morph more than two hours. Do you know how long two hours are?"
« Yes. And staying in morph too long mean I can't be a buffalo again, right? »
« Exactly. You become a nothlit. So, right now, it would mean spending the rest of your life as a bird. »
Thought I had never heard that voice before, I knew it was coming from the bird. Apart the deer-twoleg, he was the only one currently able to use thought-speech and his voice didn't sound like the deer-twoleg's voice.

Wait. The bird. I didn't know his name. Nor the name of the aggressive twoleg. Nor the name of the calf claiming I couldn't learn.
I only knew the leader(Jake), the deer-twoleg(Ax) and the friendly twoleg(Cassie).

« What are your names? I only know Jake, Cassie and Ax. » I said as I turned my head toward at the leader, the friendly twoleg and the deer-twoleg – a gesture which, for twolegs, showed who I was talking about.
« I'm Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. » That was from the deer-twoleg; apparently, "Ax" was just a nickname.
"I'm Marco." Said the twoleg thinking I could only mimic. "Bird-boy up there is Tobias and this is Xena." He then said while pointing, in order, the bird and the aggressive twoleg.
Xena gave Marco a small punch in the ribs. Contrary to what I would have expected from a twoleg, Marco didn't get angry or tried to retaliate but simply laughed a little. I guess twoleg calves weren't really different from buffalo calves: even the tiniest and shortest fight amused them.
"Don't listen to him. I'm Rachel." Said the aggressive twoleg; apparently, Xena was also a nickname.
I quickly looked at the herd's members and memorized their names. Marco, the calf thinking I could only mimic; Cassie, the friendly twoleg; Jake, the leader; Rachel, the aggressive twoleg; Tobias, the bird, and Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, the deer-twoleg.
"You'll need a name." Jake said after a short silence. "Any ideas?"

If I had a twoleg mouth, I would smile: of course I had an idea!
« I have one: Cassie. » I said as I turned toward the friendly twoleg. « Of course, only if you're fine with me having it. »
She smiled. Even if I didn't know a lot about twoleg facial expressions, I knew what that smile meant: she was happy I wanted to have the same name as her.
"You can't take that one, sorry." Jake said. "That name isn't used by males."
"What about Heffer?" Marco proposed.
"Well, that would certainly work…" Jake said with a smile before asking me: "What do you think of it?"
Heffer. Heffer. Heffer. Heffer. I repeated the twoleg name in my mind a few times. I loved how it sounded.
« I would love it. Heffer. Heffer. Heffer. Heffer. I love how that one sound. »
"Really? Jake, come on, you can't seriously let him take that name!" That was Cassie. She looked angry, for some reasons. Was "Heffer" some kind of insult-name (assuming that was a thing)?
She turned toward me and crouched. Not in the "serious" way – like Jake – but in a "I want to help you as a friend" way.
"Any other ideas? Surely, you have a few more?"
I stayed silent for an instant. I hadn't really bothered to learn twoleg names, so it was hard to find some ideas. Especially since I didn't really see the point of having a name apart for acting as if I were a twoleg.
« I… I don't know…» Oh yeah! I did remember a name! « What about Tomcruise? »
The whole herd, except Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, chuckled. Apparently, that wasn't a name but a joke. Twolegs are weird.
"Sorry, you can't pick this one either. It's the name of a celebrity." Cassie explained. "And, it's not Tomcruise: it's Tom Cruise. There's a space between the first and last name."
Ha! Count on twolegs to have more than one name each!
« So, can I take Heffer, then? » I asked the friendly twoleg. « I love that name. Why can't I take it, anyway? Is it a girl-name too? »
"No. It's just the name of a steer in a cartoon." She said as he stared at Marco.
« So? Even if it's a steer-name, I love it. And it's not like the yeerk will understand I'm alive just because I use such a name. »
"Ok, fine. If you want Heffer, take it." Cassie said after a short sight.
"He'll need a human morph too." Jake said, apparently forgetting I already had one, even if I had used it less than two hours ago.
« I already have a human morph, remember? I used it to talk to you not long ago. » I said.
" I know. But you can't use that morph: it's the body of a living person and you would be immediately recognized by someone." The herd's leader explained before turning toward Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. "You want to explain him how to perform a frolis manoeuvre?"
After short silent, the deer-twoleg walked toward me.
"Then just tell him how to do it, Ax." Jake said, probably answering to something the deer-twoleg had told him in private.
« A frolis manoeuvre will allow you to create a morph from multiple sources. Start by demorphing: you'll have to acquire some of us. » Said Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill – judging by his tone, he didn't want me here. (Not that any of them, apart Cassie, seemed really happy to see me.)
Anyway, as instructed, I focused on my buffalo form until I was myself again.

"Ok, Heffer, you're ready to acquire us?" Asked the friendly twoleg.
I moved my head up and down as Rachel, Cassie, Jake and Marco all stretched one of their arms toward me. One by one, I gently placed my nose on their hands and acquired them.
« Focus on their bodies as if you were morphing all of them at the same time. You can have some influence on the result by picturing what you want the morph to look like. Given your lack of experience, however, I suggest you limit yourself at the sex to make sure you do not fail the manoeuvre. »
I focused on the four calves and, at the same time, imagined an adult male twoleg I had never seen.
But nothing happened. I wasn't changing. I was just there, as a buffalo, trying to imagine a twoleg in my mind. Was I doing something wrong? Probably. Unless the frolis manoeuvre didn't work on buffalo?
I closed my eyes and tried to imagine another twoleg in my head: perhaps the "result" I was imagining was too old? After all, I had acquired calves.
I changed my strategy: instead of a fully-grown twoleg, I pictured a young calf and just to stay on the safe side, I made sure the twoleg had some similarities with every herd's members.
Then, suddenly, it started. The transformation. The displeasing crunching sound produced by my bones as they changed shape. The odd sensation of organs disappearing while new organs appeared to replace them. The disturbing feeling of those same organs being compacted together to fit inside the tiny body of a twoleg calf.
I was glad when it finally ended.

« You are done. » Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill said.
"Thanks." I answered before looking at the friendly twoleg. There was one last question I wanted to ask her.
I had noticed how she would always look uneasy whenever my herd was mentioned: she knew something about my herd, and I wanted… had… to know what it was.

"Do you know how my herd is doing?" I feared the worst. If whatever she knew about my herd was good, she wouldn't look uneasy: she would look happy.
"Heffer, I'm really sorry." She started, instantly confirming my fears. Something bad had happened to my herd. Twolegs weren't sorry when they announced a good news and Cassie was sorry for me.
"Please… Let me see them… Just one time…" I begged as I felt like my throat was blocked by something immaterial; it was a strange feeling I had never felt before. Was it dangerous? Maybe… I would ask the friendly twoleg later: for now, only my herd mattered.
She slowly walked toward me and gently grabbed one of my arms while my vision became a little blurry. I became even more worried: when twolegs grabbed the arm of another twoleg, it generally didn't mean good news. Especially when they were sorry and looked uneasy.
" Heffer. I'm afraid you can't see your herd again. "
Maybe that's why she looked uneasy? Maybe that was the bad news? Maybe she wasn't sorry because something bad had happened to my herd but because I couldn't see it anymore? Maybe it was too risky to go see it because of the yeerks?
Yeah, it was probably something like that. It was the most likely explanation. My herd was doing well. I just couldn't go see my fellow coherders.
That's why she was sorry. Right? Right? RIGHT?!

"Why not? I don't need to be a buffalo to see it. I can transform into a human. The yeerk won't recognize me if I use my human form."
" No, Heffer, that's not the problem."
I looked at her in the eyes. There was just one possibility left: that my herd didn't exist anymore. But… it couldn't be true, right? Like, I wasn't as intelligent as a twoleg: surely, there was another answer I couldn't think of! Surely, my herd was perfectly fine and I just couldn't see my friends because of some strange twoleg problem I couldn't understand! Right?
RIGHT?!
Yet…

"They're… dead…? My coherders… The yerks killed…" I asked, unsure I even wanted to know the answer.
"No, your coherders are still alive and are doing well." Cassie said. Good. That meant my herd still existed, right? That meant there was another twoleg reason, right? "But they were taken to others… wallows."

I collapsed on the ground.
My herd was…
My herd was…
My herd was…
My herd was…
I couldn't even think of the word.
Not that it really mattered. Whatever the word was, I didn't have a herd anymore. The twolegs had destroyed it.
The immaterial thing blocking my throat became larger.
Salty water began to come out of my eyes.
Some kind of liquid filled my nose until I was no longer able to use it.
I wondered if I was dying. I wondered if the immaterial thing would become so big I would no longer be able to breath. I wondered if so much water would come out of my eyes I would die of thirst. I wondered if whatever filled my nose was toxic and would poison me.
But I didn't care.
I didn't care about anything. I could hear Cassie's voice but I didn't care. I could hear her talk to me but I didn't care.
My herd was… My herd was…. My herd was….. My herd was…
No. I couldn't say that. I couldn't say "my herd".
Because I didn't have a herd.
Because I was herdless.
I was a buff… No I wasn't.
I wasn't a buffalo. A buffalo protect his herd until the very end: they don't cowardly hide in some random wallow to spy on the twoleg like the coward I was.
And now it was too late. The herd… What used to be my her…
Alone. Forever. Herdless.

I focused on my normal form. I didn't want to be a twoleg anymore. I wanted to be a buff… I wanted to have the body of a buffalo.
I felt a little better when the transformation was completed – or, rather, more comfortable: no water coming out of my eyes, nothing blocking my throat or my nose.
Not that I cared, really.
The friendly twoleg walked toward me and started to change shape. She was transforming. Probably to tell me Jake wanted me to leave and never come back. That's what he should do, anyway. That's what I deserved for failing at being a true buffalo. That's what I deserved for being a failure. That's what I deserved for being a coward, stupid, herd-traitor.
I simply didn't deserve the honour of fighting with them.

I closed my eyes. I didn't want see Cassie as she changed. I wanted to remember her as a twoleg, not the disgusting combination of a twoleg and whatever she was transforming into.
But, unfortunately, there was nothing I could do against the smell.
It was disgusting.
At first, it smelled like a mix between Cassie and something I could only describe as some kind of exposed artificial – and unnatural – flesh. As Cassie kept transforming, the smell became less "Cassie" and more "unnatural and artificial flesh". A few moments later, when Cassie's smell was barely noticeable, a third odour appeared under the fake flesh: the odour of the animal she was transforming into. It still had the artificial and unnatural aspect, but I could still recognize it: a buffalo.
From that point, the smell of the fake flesh was slowly replaced by the smell of a fake (read: artificial and unnatural) buffalo while the smell of the fake buffalo was replaced by the smell of a real buffalo; I know it doesn't make sense but, sadly, twolegs don't enough words to describe smells in details.
Anyway.
When the odour of the artificial buffalo gave place to the pleasant fragrance of a real buffalo, I knew she was finished. So I opened my eyes and saw myself; or, more exactly, the buffalo I used to be.

« Heffer? Your herd is fine. » Cassie said. « Just because your coherders are not in the same wallow doesn't mean they're not a herd. »
I looked at the ground. I wish I could believe that but I knew better. I had failed my herd, betrayed them.
I wasn't a real buffalo. I didn't deserve to be one. I barely deserve to be.
« Do you see us as a herd? » She asked. « Do you consider we form a herd? »
I looked at her and moved my head up and down a few times. I didn't know how it could be relevant to my failure at being a buffalo but… she was the friendly twoleg and I didn't want to be rude by ignoring her.
« Yet, none of us has the same wallow. Rachel, Marco, Jake and I don't share the same house. Even Tobias and Ax don't live in the same part of the wood. » She said. « Knowing that, do you still think we are a herd? »
I stared at her for a short moment. I wasn't sure what to answer. They didn't have the same wallow and yet, they still looked like a herd: they had a leader, they protected each other, they fought together and they worked together to protect the herd as a whole.
But they didn't have the same wallow.
Still, they were a herd….
I moved my head up and down again.
« So, why wouldn't it be the same with your herd? If we, being humans, can be a herd without sharing the same wallow, why can't buffalos do the same? After all, your herds are much stronger than ours. »
I stared at her for a long time. She was… right. Buffalos formed stronger herds than twolegs so, if they could make herds without having a common wallow, what prevented us from doing the same?

Nothing.

She was right. My herd was still a herd. My coherders might be in different wallows, but they were a herd nonetheless; which meant I could still call myself a buffalo.
But I had still failed them. They had been attacked and I hadn't been with them to fight the twolegs attacking them.
They might still form a herd, but I couldn't be with them again. I didn't deserve them.
My herd was still a herd, but I was still herdless; alone.

I slowly transformed into the twoleg calf I had created not long ago as Cassie returned to her normal form.
When I was finished, I looked at Jake.
I was a buffalo; I needed a herd.
"Can I be in your herd?" I asked.
"You already are." He answered, puzzled. " We accepted you when you came back from your nap, remember?"
"No. You agreed to let me fight with you." I explained. "That's close, but not the same thing. I want to be in your herd, not just fight with you."
"Then, yes. You can be in our herd."
I let out a sight of relief: I had a herd.

But there was still one thing I wanted to know. Something that only the friendly twoleg could know.
"Am I good?" I asked her.
"Yes." She answered. "You are good."