Chapter 7: A Long Way from Home
"Jude and I aren't like you or your kids!" Callie had blurted, looking shocked at herself for the sudden outburst.
"What do you mean, sweetheart?" Stef asked, encouraged that they were finally getting somewhere in this conversation though it meant the girl's bad mood had returned. She suspected what Callie might have been referring to but she wanted to make sure she gave her a chance to open up on her own.
"My family wasn't like your's. Jude and I, we're different, we aren't going to ever have a life like your's." Callie mumbled guiltily, knowing how much it irritated the cop, as Stef winced inwardly at the girl's delineation between their family and their biological one. "So just stop, okay," she whispered softly, almost pleadingly. "Stop treating us as if we are."
As Stef struggled to formulate a response, her mind wandered back to a visit Bill had paid them early on in Callie and Jude's placement to check in on how they were settling in. Curious about what the children's life was like before foster care, she and Lena had asked him for any information beyond what appeared in their files. Unlike some of the Social Workers who did not take the time to learn about the minors whose cases they managed, Bill happened to be dedicated. He had interviewed a neighbour as well as a family friend while working on the siblings' placement.
Colleen and Donald had been described as doting parents who had been fairly lenient in their parenting. Their apartment was in a rough and tumble neighbourhood which had its fair share of crime but their home life was, for the most part, stable. Donald picked up hours working manual labor in a warehouse that didn't leave him with much energy to play with the kids when home. Colleen's focus was to be the children's friend and as a result, the kids did not have much in the way of consistent boundaries. According to their neighbour, she was a free spirit who liked to party and would at times ask her or another resident on the same floor to check in on the children while they slept if they weren't home for the night. It was, for all intents and purposes, a loving home. "We didn't have much, but we were happy," Callie's words echoed in Stef's head.
Then of course, after the accident, the siblings had been shuffled through multiple homes that were run by individuals who should have never received licenses to foster. Having been so young when he entered the system and with Callie watching out for him, Jude had emerged relatively well adjusted. Unfortunately, the same could not be said about Callie, who was much more guarded around strangers and authority figures.
Stef and Lena had thought that things would settle down once they got the adoption in motion. But it seemed that once the initial excitement had worn off, Callie had started to test their boundaries and challenge Stef and Lena in ways she hadn't ever before.
Whether or not Callie was doing it on purpose, it was clear that she wanted to know how far she could get away. Each time the women responded with consistency, issuing consequences that were couched in reassurances of love and support that they would always be there. And that more importantly, that neither her nor Jude were going anywhere.
In the aftermath of discipline, the women would keep Callie even closer. They began to understand that the young teen was afraid to get too comfortable with them in case the adoption didn't work out. She simply didn't want to forget the things she would need to do to survive with Jude if catapulted into another situation.
It was an incredibly tough spot to be in, trying to manage a teenager who was nowhere near the cusp of adulthood but had been used to more responsibility and independence than she should have been.
Callie hadn't been parented in several years and was not used to being held accountable for her actions, but she needed guidance and boundaries now more than ever. The women saw their efforts to provide the siblings with routine and structure as simply being a part of parenting. But to Callie, they were taking away every bit of freedom she had been used to having.
"Love, is there a part of you that's afraid to do better because you're worried you'll forget where you came from?" Stef coaxed as Callie stiffened.
It was Lena who had pointed out after their conversation with Bill that the Jacob's had been working class. Suddenly it made sense why Anchor Beach and their family had been such a culture shock to Callie. Being confronted by all the opportunities and expectations they never had was overwhelming and the girl was buckling under the pressure.
On top of that, Callie clearly didn't identify as being one of "them". Maybe because the adoption wasn't complete yet or maybe because she thought it would mean being disloyal to her parents if she fully accepted her place in this family. Either way, Stef was sure that it was why Callie failed to understand why any of their expectations applied to her and disregarded them.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Stef felt as though she was on the verge of a small breakthrough. "Get dressed. We're going for a bit of a drive," she instructed mildly as she stood to begin to clear the table. The woman was glad she didn't have to tell Callie twice, who nearly jumped up from the table, happy for a reprieve.
Callie remained silent as she leaned her head on the passenger side window. Finally, Stef pulled into an abandoned lot in a grittier part of town that she frequented when on duty. A few openly intoxicated young men were sitting on the front steps of a building rolling joints while young girls could be seen loitering on the nearest street corner.
Stef studied the girl's face closely to see if she realized that they were about a ten minute drive from the Jacob's apartment. But luckily she hadn't, and the woman hoped it would stay that way, for she was afraid of how Callie might react otherwise.
"Is this really the path you want to go down?" Stef gestured toward the street to emphasize her point. "Because let me tell you, the decisions you've been making lately are going to end up with you being in a lot more trouble than with just Mama and I."
"I don't get why you're making a big deal out of this. So I smoked pot once! It doesn't mean I've ruined my life," Callie shot back, her words laced with attitude.
This girl is going to turn me grey, Stef thought to herself as she felt her irritation rising. "No, you're right. It doesn't mean you have ruined your life. Yet," she said, keeping her voice as even and calm as possible.
"But my point is that you could if you keep it up!" She hoped that things would not descend into a shouting match like the day before which had left everyone feeling spent and discouraged.
"What I'm more worried about right now is you thinking that making poor choices is the way to keep connected to who you are and your family," Stef continued, as Callie glared in defiance.
"Honey, you don't need to be afraid that you'll forget where you came from…that you'll lose yourself by doing and wanting to do better than the life you had with your parents. All the experiences you've lived through make you who you are; none of that gets unwritten by what you do, where your path takes you, in the future."
"Living differently doesn't mean you are betraying the life you and Jude had with your Mom and Dad, baby. They wouldn't want you to feel that way."
It was the final straw—though Stef had tried to be careful, she had pushed Callie a bit too far and knew it was time to backpedal.
"Just stop, Stef! Who made you the special authority on knowing what my parents would've thought?" she retorted before turning to stare out the window.
Callie's small, quiet voice barely registered above the sound of the ignition. "It's not like you could've asked them, anyway," she said sadly without a trace of anger or attitude present.
As Stef pulled out of the lot, she placed her hand palm up on the console as a peace offering. She knew it was Callie's way of trying to get the last word in because she had been hurt by what she had told the girl. But Callie only crossed her arms against her chest stubbornly and looked away.
The drive back was nothing short of icy. Callie kept her gaze fixed out the window, as the scene gradually transformed from the gritty urban one she was so familiar with, to larger homes with the manicured front lawns and two-car garages of suburbia. It was as if Stef was taking her further and further away from everything she knew. From her home.
No one since her own Mom had told her she had potential. But even then, her parents didn't have the same big expectations that Stef and Lena had—nothing beyond completing high school and getting a job, anyway. There wasn't ever any talk of opportunity and college.
It was aggravating that the women didn't get it. Why would she want to get used to the idea of chasing after opportunity and believing things could be better if they hadn't ever been feasible before?
After all, it would only be a matter of time before she made one mistake too many and Stef and Lena would lose patience and give up on adopting her and Jude. It had happened before and she wouldn't put it past the women to do the same.
It was a way to cope with that fear. Callie knew that if she believed things could be better, she would have trouble adjusting to another home if they were ever sent away. The Fosters were an anomaly, unlike other ones homes where the adults could care less about her and Jude and they had to be careful to keep themselves out of danger.
Because it had been safe here, she had felt herself relaxing. But she knew that the more acquainted she got with the idea that things could be this good, the harder the fall to reality would be if her and Jude could no longer live with them. She wouldn't let that happen.
No longer able to contain her anger, Callie unbuckled herself and hopped out of the car before Stef could put it fully in park.
"I can't believe you took me there just so you could throw in my face how much better you are than other people!" the girl shouted, spinning around to face the driver's seat where the cop was still sitting, completely taken off guard. Callie slammed the door as hard as she could before Stef could respond and began storming up the porch steps.
"Hey! Don't you dare walk away from me right now! Don't you dare, Callie!" Stef yelled as she jumped out of the SUV and proceeded to slam her own door shut before following the girl.
"I was giving you a real life visual representation of how your life is going to turn out if you don't smarten up. Clearly you need it with the way you've been acting lately!"
The teen had retrieved the spare key from its hidden spot underneath a paving stone and had managed to open the front door when Stef caught up with her. In one swift move the woman had pushed back on the door, effectively closing it and preventing Callie from opening it despite her best efforts to pull on the handle.
"Okay, want to tell me what this is all about?" Stef asked in exasperation. She was just about at the end of her rope and it wasn't even lunch hour yet.
"No, I don't actually, Stef!" Callie snarled as she renewed her attempts to tug open the door.
"Oh no no no. I'm not moving until you talk to me. You know you can't get away with this sort of behaviour without us having a chat about it."
"Well you're going to be standing here a long time then!" Callie retorted as she finally kicked the door in frustration.
"Callie, you'd better tone this attitude right down. This instant!" Stef hissed.
"Or what?" Callie spun around to face her. "Just get used to it, okay?! I'm never going to do what you or Lena want so you might as well quit while you're ahead!"
Stef watched the girl, so full of defiance and anger. Callie's breathing was heavy and her fists were clenched. The woman placed a firm grip on her daughter's upper arm.
"You do not have to like or agree with everything I'm saying but you do not get to be disrespectful," she said in a no-nonsense tone, narrowing her eyes as the girl avoided her gaze and tried to twist her arm away.
As Callie opened her mouth, undoubtedly to argue, Stef took a step closer and pointed a finger at her. "I am only going to tell you one more time. You're on thin ice, young lady. Do not push me anymore or there will be hell to pay, I can guarantee it," she warned. She studied the girl closely as she weighed her options, before both of her shoulders finally dropped in defeat.
"Sorry Stef," the teen mumbled, hanging her head. She felt the woman drape an arm around her shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze.
"Much better, Callie girl."