Author Note
Hi everyone, sorry for the delay. I needed to write ahead a few chapters to see where all the pieces would fit and now here we are almost a month later (yikes). In good news, the next three chapters have now been drafted and I'm hopeful that will allow me to get back on track with posting and my responses. Looking forward to giving Callie and Stef some much-needed time together, too.
Many thanks to theypreferthetermpeople for helping me iron out some of the details that had me stuck, and to the guest who suggested reconsidering Callie's suspension. That planted an idea I couldn't let go of...
Chapter 31: Nurturing New Shoots
New shoots: the new growth from seed germination that grows upward where leaves will develop.
Callie made her way to the office once the lunch bell rang, realizing that she didn't mind spending breaks with Lena as much as she'd thought she would. Every day this week, they'd eaten at the desk across from each other while she answered questions about her morning. Afterwards, she'd listen to music on Lena's iPhone, watching the woman get organized for the afternoon, until the next bell. The routine was predictable enough that a part of her even looked forward to it.
Hearing Stef's voice as she walked past the main doors, Callie stopped in her tracks.
Crap. It was Thursday.
Every second Thursday, Stef picked her up for lunch together before driving her to group. The cop would remain in the waiting room for the session, finishing reports and running background searches on her ToughBook. On the way home, she'd always try to nap to avoid any awkward conversations. While that routine was also predictable, it was much less simple; and consequently, group was her least favourite thing to do.
Callie had no idea, but Stef had arrived at school an hour ago with news that the Parole Officer had approved the switch from court-mandated group to private sessions. The conditions of release still needed updating but according to Bill, the transfer paperwork had been faxed and Callie's attendance was no longer expected. Knowing how much their daughter hated attending, they couldn't wait to tell her together.
That wasn't the only piece of good news. Lena had been advocating all week to convince the administration to amend Callie's suspension. Even though it'd been for using illicit and controlled substances on campus, the evidence had been circumstantial—no one had actually seen her drinking or smoking pot. They were also satisfied that Callie had been on a modified class schedule during those three days and hadn't returned to school behind. Finally, the Principal agreed to write an official statement, which Stef and Lena hoped would soften the repercussions stemming from the recent misbehaviour.
It was a loophole, given that Callie had admitted to what she'd done at home. For this reason, it was decided that this information would be withheld to avoid giving the impression she had been let off the hook. Callie had another chance but she didn't have to know that right now.
Despite not having group, the women were debating whether to have Stef take Callie for the afternoon anyway. They felt strongly that school shouldn't be missed unless absolutely necessary; however, they also sensed that their daughter desperately needed a break and hoped that letting her skip half the day would help her relax.
With the exception of the forged signatures, the entire week had gone by without incident. Callie didn't once challenge them about her lack of privileges and followed directions without giving attitude. Suddenly, every second interaction wasn't a fight. It left more opportunities for positive reinforcement which they knew Callie liked—only now it seemed like she was responding to it. The change had been unmistakeable and it felt like the groundwork had finally been laid for progress to happen. After weeks of struggling to manage the escalating behaviour, they were grateful for a reprieve—though not without tremendous guilt over what it'd taken to get there.
No longer comfortable to rock the boat, she had been on her best behaviour. And while it was a promising first step, a lot more work would be needed to help Callie beyond simply going through the motions of following the rules.
Worse, she had started to avoid them. The women noticed that Callie would stand behind the other children, and on several occasions, would duck into an adjacent room to keep from running into them. When they did manage to corner her, she would be polite and give answers that were, for the most part, sincere and open. However, the interactions always felt forced. Like she used to do when she and Jude first moved in, Callie made herself scarce after dinner and chores, going to bed before they could check on her and tuck her in for the night. The rare attempts to initiate anything, even if to ask for coffee or to question their points, had also disappeared.
At first, Stef had made peace with the idea that Callie wasn't fond of her anymore; however, it had quickly become apparent that Lena was right in that it wasn't a grudge. Still, something had fundamentally changed between them. While things appeared smooth on the surface, the last thing the cop expected was to feel as though she was losing her daughter before her very eyes.
"I don't have group anymore?" Callie asked, not quite sure she'd heard her foster mothers right.
Stef's vision blurred as she looked at her daughter with pride. Even in the context of her probation, this was a milestone. "Not anymore, kiddo," she confirmed as the girl beamed at her.
"Seriously?" Callie blurted, unable to contain her excitement. Bill had said this was a possibility but that she should expect to attend both for awhile because it'd take some time to sort out. "What about the other thing?" she questioned tentatively as her expression became serious once again.
Lena suppressed a smile; she was thrilled at the girl's courage to ask. "Dr. Wiseman? Yes, honey, I'm afraid that was part of the deal," she reminded gently, knowing Callie was hoping they'd forgotten about it.
"I'm sorry, Cal," the cop sympathized, seeing her daughter's face fall. "But that appointment isn't for a few days and we'll be there with you this time. Jude, too," she added, happy to see her brighten somewhat.
Knowing how hard the adjustment would be and wanting to avoid a repeat of last week, she and Lena had decided on family work before they would even attempt having both kids in individual sessions.
And it was both because, after learning about Jude's drawings, they felt he needed to attend, too.
"So, Mama and I were discussing—and you can let us know what you think, Callie, because we're leaving it up to you…but since I already have lunch packed, I was hoping we could go do our picnic and then you could come with me for the afternoon."
Callie's gaze flitted to Lena, trying to figure out what her stance on this was. She liked the thought of being done for the day but was daunted by the idea of having to spend time alone with the cop.
"What do you say, sweets? Can I get some help with my errands?" Their daughter had turned away from her almost immediately at the proposal, but not before Stef had caught glimpse of a smile creeping across her face—giving away her true feelings.
"It's fine…I—I can come back after lunch. I don't have to miss school," Callie politely declined. Nervous, she bit her lip. The last thing she wanted to do was to hurt the cop's feelings, especially not after all she'd done to help her—but right now, sitting in class was easier. She wouldn't have to constantly worry about making a mistake and disappointing her any more than she already had, which was exhausting.
Lena exchanged a concerned look with her wife. It was unlike Callie to not jump at the opportunity to miss school. Her spotty attendance record was enough to tell them it wasn't her favourite activity.
"Are you sure, honey? Your teachers aren't expecting you. I'll make sure to pick up your assignments before I come home like I always do if that's what you're worried about. Why don't you two go have your picnic and then you can decide?" She was relieved when Callie relented, albeit after some hesitation.
She didn't want to be overly pushy about it. Ultimately, it was Callie's choice and it wasn't their intention to make her uncomfortable. But Stef and Callie needed some time together—if anything, for Stef to realize that their daughter didn't dislike her, and to give Callie an opportunity for normalcy. In light of what they had recently learned, there was also a part of her that wanted to coddle their daughter a little more. To keep her even closer.
Callie's stomach grumbled loudly as the food was laid out on the blanket. Stef had prepared ham sandwiches, soup, pasta salad, cubes of juicy watermelon, and tortilla chips with guacamole and salsa. As always, it was an insane amount but between the both of them they usually managed to get through everything.
Food was a big deal in this family and Callie loved the security that came along with knowing there would be three square meals a day. They ate together whenever possible and if Stef and Lena had people over, they would usually be invited for lunch or dinner. Lena was very healthy and called the shots on what they could and couldn't have, but those rules applied to everyone and they ate the same. It was actually a house rule that you had to eat what was put in front of you—there were no separate meals.
"Well Bug, I'm glad I finally got my act together for a picnic," Stef commented as she handed over a sandwich. Too exhausted to be motivated last month, they had had takeout in the car twice. She still felt guilty about that.
"Yeah." Starving, Callie unwrapped the wax paper right away and took a bite.
It was nice during this time of day. Except for a couple stay-at-home mothers with their toddlers in the playground and elderly people doing group exercises, the park was quiet. Meaning they got their pick of a shady spot under a large willow that overlooked the duck pond.
"Tomato or chicken noodle?"
"Can I have chicken noodle?" Callie answered mid-chew, having trouble talking with her mouth full. Her head had been throbbing for hours and she didn't think she could stomach a creamy soup.
"Hey hey hey—slow down," Stef reminded. "Lunch isn't going anywhere." Despite her teasing, she was over the moon to see the girl's ravenous appetite. Due to what she suspected was interrupted sleep, Callie had been difficult to wake in the morning, leaving barely enough time to put something in her hand on the way out the door. This morning had been a hardboiled egg and a granola bar—not nearly enough to hold her until lunch.
She poured the soup directly into the lid of the insulated container and carefully passed it to Callie. "Careful, this is hot."
As the cop served up her lunch, she stressed about how she'd make conversation. Callie hadn't been given much space lately but she was anxious to get a sense of how she was doing. The thought of having barely seen or spoken to her daughter all week depressed her.
"My hungry girl…" She placed a spoon in front of Callie, who was now putting in a great deal of effort at blowing at the soup to cool it down. She was more than happy to fuss over her daughter. They both needed it.
"Grandma's soup is pretty good, hey?" she asked once Callie took a sip, desperate for some sort of engagement.
The girl nodded. This was serious, homemade stuff—not something from a packet. Satisfied at the temperature, she began to drink directly from the lid, forgoing the spoon set aside for her.
"You know, the stock alone takes an entire afternoon. I'm sure she would love to have a hand in the kitchen sometime if you'd be up for it. I was never much of a help to her—she was always cleaning up after me."
Time with extended family—and the normalized interactions that went along with it—was something she and Lena had talked about wanting for Callie and Jude eventually. From what little they knew, neither Colleen and Donald had family around, and they wanted the children to have a concept of what those relationships could look like.
Her daughter have a reflexive shrug before looking up in surprise once the words sank in. "That'd be nice," she said, smiling shyly.
"I'm sure she'd be very happy to hear that."
Suddenly, Callie's eyes went wide. "Would I be alone with her?" she blurted, the uncertainty and nerves apparent in her voice. She liked Sharon and this idea of spending time with her but also didn't know her very well.
Stef rested her sandwich in her lap. "It'd be whatever you're comfortable with, Cal. There aren't any rules around this, honey—it's supposed to be fun. You could help her in the kitchen when we visit next time," she reassured, trying to ease her daughter's concern.
Relieved, Callie nodded. "Okay…maybe you can stay in the yard?" she suggested, only realizing she'd said that out loud when she saw the woman's exaggerated look of hurt.
"Wha—the yard? Like the family pet?" Stef raised an eyebrow as the girl flashed her a sheepish grin. "Is this the start of it? Pretty soon you'll be telling me to drop you off five blocks away from Anchor Beach so you won't have to be seen with me?" she demanded. "You wouldn't do that to me, would you?"
"No…" Callie replied seriously, trying to hide her smirk. "Maybe just a block and a half away."
They ate in silence while Stef went back and forth on how to continue the conversation. Having lectured their youngest at length the night before, she and Lena had already nailed down their points. But she also knew that she was in that tricky in-between stage where she needed to build rapport with Callie and didn't want to do anything to get in the way of that.
"Alright Bug, we're officially on class time," she said as she casually glanced at her phone. 13:00.
"Guess that means you're stuck with me. That alright with you?" She laughed when Callie nodded with enthusiasm. If she needed to bribe to get that level of engagement, she would happily do so right now.
"Since we're letting you skip, I think it's only fair we talk a little bit about school," Stef proposed. "What do you think?"
Understanding what this conversation might be about, Callie nodded obediently. "Okay."
"You know how Mama's been responsible for organizing parent-teacher conferences? Well, she tells me that according to your interim report, you've been doing extremely well in all your classes. We're so proud of you, Cal. It's not easy to stay on top of everything like you have while adjusting to a new school. You've been working so hard and we definitely have not acknowledged that as much as we should have," she praised.
"Okay…thanks," Callie replied shyly, feeling her cheeks burn. This wasn't something she was used to hearing and she wasn't sure what to say. She felt somewhat foolish but admittedly, she liked it when Stef and Lena praised her for meeting their expectations—even if it was over something small.
"There's always room for improvement with your attendance, we've already talked about that," Stef continued. "But I have no doubt that you'll be able to keep your grades up."
She paused, wanting to be careful with her phrasing. "We know how much Jude looks up to you—you already know that, Callie. And Mama and I—I guess we're hoping that you can continue being a good example for him when it comes to school, because it doesn't always come easy for him, does it? Being diligent about staying on top of things, giving it your all…encouraging him to come to us, like you do, when you need help. That can be hard," she pointed out, waiting for Callie's acknowledgement before proceeding.
"You've done a great job looking out for Jude this entire time, making sure he's taken care of and safe. So he hasn't really had to take initiative—but that's going to be something he needs if he's going to grow up to be a responsible person, right?" she coaxed, wanting the girl to reach the same conclusion on her own.
Callie swallowed, aware of what Stef was getting at. "I didn't do so great yesterday," she said quietly, knowing it'd been wrong to help Jude cover up his assignments.
The cop smiled. "Honey, we don't expect you to never make mistakes. No one's perfect. All we want is for you two to come to us, even if it's over something you're worried we might get upset over. The best decision is always going to be the honest one but I can't promise that it'll always be the easiest one. Often times it isn't."
She scooted closer to her daughter so that they were now sitting side-by-side, wanting to place clear emphasis on her next point. "Most importantly, even though we want you to encourage Jude to do the right thing, I need you to remember—you are not responsible for him. You are not your brother's keeper, okay?" she reminded, knowing she was introducing a new concept.
"Okay."
"Callie. Yesterday when you said you forged my signature because you were afraid we'd be mad…were you more afraid that we would get mad or that Jude would be in trouble with us?" There was a difference and she wanted to know.
"That Jude would be in trouble," the girl admitted as she looked down at her lap.
Stef nodded slowly; she could understand that rationale. "And did that go the way you planned?"
"For a few days…" Callie said honestly.
Stef cleared her throat to stop herself from laughing at her daughter's transparency. "Yes, I guess you both did manage to keep this from us for a little while. What do you think the consequences would've been had he been up front with us about work that needed to be signed from the beginning?"
"Maybe he would've gotten grounded?"
"Guess that would depend on what your definition of being grounded is. We are going to work together every day after school for the next month so Jude might be disappointed by not being able to see friends after school or go straight to his video gaming with Jesus like he usually does," the woman explained patiently. "We might talk to his teacher to see if any work can be redone. That's it and that's all that it would've been. Everything would've gotten signed and that would've been that."
She gave Callie a knowing look. Unfortunately, that wasn't how things had turned out. "He would not have gotten detention for lying to his teacher—and he definitely wouldn't have lost all of his video games for two weeks because we're not too happy about that, either," she said as her daughter grimaced. She and Lena had felt sorry for him, too. Jude had cried and cried when they had told him.
"And what about you, missy? What would've happened had you told us right off the bat, hmm?" Stef asked, wanting to walk her through the possible scenarios. Callie's gaze immediately met her's, panic etched into her expression.
"Yeah, Jude might've been a bit upset with you, in the way younger brothers usually do…" Stef acknowledged, not wanting to prolong their conversation any more than it needed to be. "But we wouldn't have had to have this talk and you definitely wouldn't be having to explain all this to Mama tonight so we can be sure you understand what I'm telling you," she scolded mildly. "Cal, you could've come to us at any time even after you signed those slips. We would've been less upset if you had told us than us finding out by ourselves. Got it?"
"Yes," Callie replied with sadness. She had really screwed up.
"So what was the better choice?"
"Tell you," Callie said quietly as she hung her head. She really wasn't looking forward to rehashing this with Lena though she knew she deserved it. That being said, she felt better knowing exactly what her consequence was. It was like she could stop worrying about it.
"Good girl," Stef murmured, pulling her daughter in towards her and kissing her temple. "Next time this happens, you will not be getting off the hook so easily, do you hear me? You do not forge anyone's signature, ever." The only reason she and Lena were giving her a free pass this time was because they believed in leniency for honesty. True, Callie had lied by signing those slips—but she had also answered truthfully once everything had unravelled and they felt that was a good start.
Plus, they were fairly confident that the likelihood of this recurring was low. They were planning on keeping closer tabs on Jude's homework and any in-class assignments and tests by way of nightly backpack checks. As well, he had been tasked with writing them into his agenda, which his teacher would check weekly for any discrepancies. This would ensure that whatever needed to come home made it.
"Kay."
"Sweetheart? What's wrong?" Stef questioned, suddenly noticing how unwell the girl looked. Callie was swallowing repeatedly, in the way one did when they were on the verge of vomiting.
"Nothing…I'm fine," Callie began. She didn't dare to say anything else as a wave of nausea hit and her stomach revolted, sending food and liquid midway up her food pipe. She closed her eyes—it felt like a burn on the inside.
"Hey…look at me for a sec. Are you getting sick?" the cop fussed, maneuvering around so that she could face her daughter. Her concern grew as she realized that this wasn't the first time Callie looked off—she looked the same way yesterday, in Lena's office. There had been a couple of times over the weekend, too, that made her suspect that Callie might be coming down with something. Bringing the back of her hand to the girl's forehead, she found the skin cold and clammy.
Catching sight of Callie's dark, tired eyes, she kicked herself for not cluing in sooner.
She should've known. The headaches, the moodiness. Chills.
Symptoms that appeared like clockwork around certain times of day.
"How often were you smoking at school, before last week?" She gently tilted Callie's chin up to hold her gaze. "I want the truth," she added somewhat sternly, having an idea of what the answer might be.
"Just at lunch," Callie answered, before unwillingly adding "morning and afternoon break" to her answer. Her foster mother had raised an eyebrow at her attempt to downplay it and she figured it'd be best to not push her luck today. She'd always been careful to have her last cigarette in the afternoon to make sure that any trace of scent had dissipated by the time she would arrive home. That was how she had kept it hidden for months.
The cop sighed. Unable to have any cigarettes since the suspension, Callie was in withdrawal. "How long have you felt sick for?"
"Since the weekend," Callie mumbled, shaking her way out of the woman's grasp. She was annoyed that Stef was fussing over her but at this point she was too miserable to try and hide anything.
"Oh, Bug. Why didn't you say anything?"
The teen shrugged. "I dunno. I didn't know it had something to do with smoking," she said earnestly.
"We need to know if you're not feeling well, love," Stef reminded. "We might've been able to figure it out sooner and help take the edge off."
Callie smirked. "So…I can have a smoke? To help take the edge off?"
Stef rolled her eyes at how quickly the girl had brightened at what she saw was an opportune moment. "HA! You'd like that, wouldn't you?" She forced her expression to become serious. "I'll think about it."
"Really?" Callie said hopefully.
"Yes—and I'm thinking no. Nice try though, my baby," Stef replied, cracking up at her daughter's sheer disappointment.
Unfortunately for her, though, it was her daughter who won that round.
"Rascal! Vultures!" she scolded as Callie handed her the thermos lid, crumpled wax paper, and napkin—taking advantage of her full hands to steal the remainder of her sandwich.
"This stuff was so helpful when I was quitting," Stef said, adding a bag of salt and vinegar chips to the shopping cart. "It's not so terrible once the cravings pass."
Callie stared incredulously at the pile of sour candies, gum, and electrolyte drinks. She had serious doubts she'd be allowed to eat any of this; buying junk food was one thing but getting it past Lena was a whole other issue. Still, it felt nice. No one had ever gone out of their way to buy her things like this before.
"You used to smoke?"
Stef smiled to herself, elated to hear the question from her daughter. After learning Callie was dealing with withdrawal, she had debated over the self-disclosure. In the end, she decided that sharing her experience might encourage Callie to open up.
"I had my first one when I was just a year older than you," she admitted. "It took me over a decade to quit—only after things got serious between Mama and me and she gave me an ultimatum." The cop chuckled softly at the memory. They hadn't been going out for very long at all when Lena had told her how much she hated the habit and declared she wouldn't kiss a chimney. "And let me tell you, it was the best ultimatum ever. It was another six months but I could breathe a whole letter better by the end."
"But why? Why'd you smoke?" Callie demanded of her foster mother without restraint. The revelation surprised her. Stef was a rule follower. She was the police.
It took everything in Stef to keep herself from laughing. Only this kid could become so indignant and wound up over something she herself was guilty of doing, of course.
"I'm not sure, Cal," she said with honesty. "I was spending time with an older crowd and it was easy to experiment. Things were also pretty stressful at home and smoking became an easy solution for me. Before it became a bigger problem, anyway."
She winked kindly at Callie who was listening with rapt attention. "Before I knew it, I was in the force. Life became even more stressful and I was up to a pack a day. A lot of my coworkers smoked and that made it harder to quit."
Now that her daughter was satisfied, it was her turn to ask. "So tell me love, was it juvie that got you smoking?"
Callie shook her head glumly. "I never had enough in my canteen account to buy any." Her Dad couldn't add money and Bill plugged it only when she needed things, like stationary or snacks. "My foster sister always had some." She bit her lip, feeling vulnerable by her disclosure. She didn't want to get into any trouble but also felt as though she needed to say something because Stef had allowed her to skip.
"Ah. I'm guessing she had an older friend or boyfriend who was buying them for her," Stef said casually, determined not to let her emotions show. Callie rarely spoke of prior placements but she had a pretty good idea that this was the same girl who'd landed her in custody.
She wished that she and Lena had gotten the kids sooner. Then Callie and Jude wouldn't have had to go from home to home, the repeated removals a threat to their development. The self-neglect wouldn't have been ignored. They would've seen a doctor regularly and they'd be a healthy weight. Callie would not have been allowed to smoke. They would've had the security of being parented.
"Yeah," the girl admitted, grinning sheepishly at Stef. It was impossible to keep anything from Stef; she knew everything.
"So, you stopped when you went to juvie. What got you started again?" the cop asked gently.
Callie shrugged her shoulders. "Dunno."
There was a small part of her that was annoyed at how unfair this was. Stef had admitted to smoking for a long time and she didn't understand what the big deal was—why she wasn't allowed to do something the cop had at her age.
Sensing what was behind the indignant frown, Stef wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulders. "I'm really not trying to give you a hard time but I can see why it might seem that way." She kept her voice quiet to force Callie to tune in. "I'm trying to prevent you from making the same mistake I made because it's easier to stop now than ten years later and I want to save you a whole lot of regret. That's all, baby."
"Are we good?" she prompted, receiving a single nod.
Satisfied she'd been heard, she released Callie from her hold. "Good. Stop moping and choose the cereal for the week."
Her daughter was easily redirected. Callie had had previous opportunities to pick items but she looked every bit as surprised as she'd been the first time she realized she had a choice. "Something healthy. No cocoa flakes or whatever."
"It's cocoa puffs!" Callie corrected, giggling at the error before becoming serious once again.
Despite being full from lunch, the pounding in her head and nausea persisted, making it hard to focus. It didn't help that there were so many different kinds of cereal overwhelming her, either. Some had chocolate mix so plain milk would be transformed into chocolatey goodness while others had tiny marshmallows. She recognized Honey Nut Cheerios, Froot Loops, and Cap'n Crunch, none of which she'd had in years. That was because almost all her placements had brand name items reserved for their real kids. If you were temporary, you got bag cereal. Touching the more expensive stuff—if you were even able to get your hands on it—was a tried and true way of getting punished.
"Uhm…Froot Loops?" Callie suggested tentatively, though she was feeling more courageous. "It's made of fruit," she said with mischievousness. She pointed to the box and looking at her foster mother hopefully.
"Mhm, very helpful." Stef raised a brow at her child, though she was secretly thrilled Callie was testing her over something as simple as cereal.
She groaned, already hearing her wife going on about the GMOs, artificial flavouring, additives, and sugar content. "Are you trying to give Mama a fit?"
"You really want something with fruit in it?"
"Yeah…" Callie said, giving her the pleading, endearing look of a police puppy in training.
"Alright, alright. Cheerios it is! We'll make sure to put some bananas and strawberries in it for you," she managed before laughing.
"Come here," she sympathized as Callie grumbled about it being her turn and how it wasn't the same. Bringing her close to her side again, she kissed her on the temple. "Froot Loops are in the banished cabinet at home." She guffawed as Callie wormed her way out of her grasp to scrutinize her face to make sure she wasn't being played.
"Do you want me to get Toasted O's for me and Jude?" the girl asked, referring to the generic brand as she begrudgingly threw the Cheerios into the cart.
"Stef!" she exclaimed at seeing she was already trailing behind. She scrambled to push the shopping cart to the meat department, where the cop was making a beeline.
"Nope! One family, one cereal!"