Welcome new readers! Always cool to have a few more on board. This chapter: therapy isn't everyone's cup of tea but writing this totally helped my clinical reasoning. Thank you to theypreferthetermpeople for the help in shaping the language around adoption's permanency.

Jude will remain a secondary character. I'm just really enjoying playing around with his character and developing him a little more; he's been consistently one dimensional in the story and deserves some depth. Being younger and under Callie's watch (as much as an 8-12 year old can manage, anyway), it's easy to assume he wasn't as affected by their experiences in care. However, I don't think that's necessarily true and it's worth delving into some of his issues—which have been alluded to in an earlier chapter. That being said, the focus will remain on Callie (e.g. how his experiences impact her).

As always, thank you for the support. Will try my best to get another chapter posted before the New Year! ~b'shert

Chapter 35: Mourning an Unexpected Loss

Callie rolled her eyes. That was not the point. "No. About being adopted, Jude."

"It's awesome," he said cheerfully, this time complying with the question. "'Cause now we can stay with Stef and Lena until Dad's out of jail and we can go live with him again."

Picking up on the sudden, uneasy hush that fell over the room, Callie elbowed him. Hard. He had said something wrong.

"Ow!" he grizzled, annoyed. Callie had been on him all day. "What was that for?"

"Callie. Please don't hit your brother," Stef reproved sadly. She was filled with guilt at learning about the boy's hope at reunification with his father. While she and Lena had consistently reminded him and Callie that they'd be adopted, it hadn't crossed their mind that Jude thought it would only be for the duration of Donald's incarceration.

"What?" the boy demanded when his sister shook her head.

When Callie finally managed to find her words, her tone was one of pity. "Jude…" she breathed. "Dad can't take care of us…he's in jail. We talked about this."

She felt bad for knowing the truth about how permanent the adoption would be—that it'd essentially mean severing the remaining tie with a biological parent—when Jude apparently thought otherwise. But she was also angry with him for even wanting that in the first place. Their Dad was the entire reason they had gotten into this mess. It was why they didn't have their Mom anymore.

"I know! I know that!" he snapped, his emotions getting the better of him. Things felt so off all of a sudden and he couldn't understand why. "I know he can't now but why can't he when he's out?"

Lena exchanged an uneasy look with Stef before looking to Dr. Wiseman, at a loss as to how they'd address his confusion. She had not expected this to come up and had no idea how they'd explain this in a way that reconciled honesty with sensitivity. Jude had the advantage of being old enough that he had the capacity to be engaged in open dialogue about the situation. However, his age also meant that if they botched their explanation, he would remember. There was no counting on him letting it go—not in the way Jesus and Mariana had when they talked about why living with Ana was not an option anymore.

Turning in her chair to face the young boy, she reached for his hand. "Come here, Bubba…come here…" she said sympathetically. His denial and confusion hurt her heart, and she wanted to do everything she could to let him know that he was not alone with it.

"NO! NO!" he all but screamed as he pulled away. Everyone was in on a secret that he hadn't yet caught onto, and whatever it was, he had a feeling he wouldn't like it.

He gave a defeated kick at the carpet before deciding he needed her after all and allowed Lena to bring him into her arms this time.

"Jude…" Lena soothed as she helped him settle into her lap. He held onto her tight, hiding in her big hair as he started to sob. Probably embarrassed at his outburst in front of Dr. Wiseman, who was essentially a stranger to him. "Thanks," she said as the psychologist handed her the Kleenex.

Dr. Wiseman waited patiently until the boy emerged enough so that Lena could wipe his nose. "It's like Callie explained," she began. "Your Dad isn't able to take care of you two from where he is right now. But you had a very good question because you're right, he is going to be out once he's finished with his term." She smiled encouragingly at both women; she always preferred that parents led difficult discussions in order to facilitate the development and transfer of attachment.

"Honey…remember how we talked about parental rights?" Lena began quietly, rubbing his arm as if that could soften the blow. As a parent, her first instinct was to protect her children. Even if for their own good, forcing them to endure anything was not easy.

"Okay," she said, feeling her son nod. She swallowed, nervous that she would mess this up.

"For children to get adopted, their biological parents cannot have parental rights to them anymore."

She was laying down the path, brick by brick—one that he could take so that he could arrive at the same conclusion on his own.

"This is what happened with your Dad. To allow Mom and I to adopt you two, so that we can make decisions on your behalf and take care of you both, he needed to give up his rights."

"He doesn't want us anymore?" Jude asked in a small voice.

Her heart breaking at the question, Stef left her chair and crouched down by Lena's side. She held the boy's small hand in her's, turning it upward so she could rub his chubby palm.

"No…no, Bud. It's not like that…he wanted you and Callie very much. I promise you that," she said hoarsely as she glanced at Callie. Their daughter needed to hear this, too. "But more than that, your Dad wanted so much more for you. He's not able to take care of you two from where he is right now, so he did what he thought was best to make sure that the both of you are being taken care of. He loves you—so, so much," she assured, not wanting either of her children to conclude that they were at fault.

"It doesn't mean that he isn't your Dad anymore, though. He'll always be your Dad. Does that make sense?" she asked as a way to reassure him. Her son, who had his head against Lena's chest, sniffled loudly before nodding at her.

"But how come not when he's out? Why can't we live with him after?" Jude persisted. No one had answered his question yet but their silence was telling.

Stef gave him a tearful smile. Her heart was breaking at his desperation. There was no easy way of getting around this, was there?

"Because once you give up your parental rights, that can't be undone," she said, holding her breath as she gauged Jude's reaction. "They can't be reinstated like that."

"That's what makes adoption permanent," Lena added when he didn't respond. She could sense that he was reaching his limit and was working on compartmentalizing the information—so that he could close the door on something he wasn't yet able and ready to process.

"Oh. So we can't live with him," Jude concluded. This time, his tone was one of utter resignation.

"No…" Lena replied quietly, almost afraid to confirm it for him. "I'm so sorry."

Feeling a large shudder shake his body, she kissed his hair. There was a pause. Then, he asked, "will we see him again?"

She gave Stef a weary look. Luckily, this was something they had discussed in private so that they wouldn't be caught entirely off guard.

"Mama and I are willing to have your Dad be a part of our lives—as much as you and Callie want him to be, and as much as he is able to," Stef replied, knowing that her wife wasn't confident addressing this part. "It is many, many years away, though, so we're not sure what that's going to look like."

It was best to be honest. Yes, Donald had requested to see the kids when they were older and expressed interest in maintaining contact with them. However, she and Lena were not prepared to make any promises at this point in time. Prison changed people—irrevocably so—and the cop was well aware that motivations now could be very different years down the road. They couldn't get Callie and Jude's hopes up and build it up to something that might not happen.

Nor did they think it was appropriate that they share this level of detail with the siblings. She found herself holding her breath again, hoping that her answer would suffice and that Jude would accept this for now.

Relief washed over her when he shrugged.

"Okay."

Callie found herself becoming more and more upset as she watched the exchange between her little brother, and Stef and Lena. "Why do you want to see Dad?" she finally blurted out, puzzled by his curiosity. "Because…I don't."

"You don't have to see him, love," Stef quickly empathized, seeing exactly where this was headed. She was beginning to panic—Callie was facing a second appointment in a row that had the possibility of ending negatively.

Dr. Wiseman was prepared to take over. "If and when the time comes, you do not have to see your Dad if you do not want to," she reassured. "But if Jude would like to, you could support him even though it might not be something you want or agree with. How does that sound?"

"What? No…" Callie said, incredulous. "No way. I can't do that," she said boldly, knowing very well she was antagonizing Jude now.

"How come?" the clinician challenged. She could understand why, at their age, Jude and Callie might be troubled by the idea of supporting each other independent of their own goals. It was a tough, but necessary lesson to learn.

"All of us agreed to be to be respectful of each others' wants," she reminded, referring to the ground rules she had covered at the start of the activity. "It's fine not to share them or to disagree, but being supportive is the right thing to do."

"But…this—this is different!" Callie balked. Deciding she didn't want to listen to this woman anymore, she crossed her arms and stared at her brother. How could she support something she didn't agree with?

"Cal. Sweetness. Why don't we go sit down over there, together?" Stef tried, hoping some distance might help. Guessing from the defiant glint in the girl's eyes, a fight was brewing. And although she was happy to see the earliest signs of a healthier relationship between the siblings, she wanted to redirect things before it got to the point where Callie said something she'd regret later on.

"No!" Callie protested when she saw the cop begin to get up from where she was crouched by Lena and Jude. No one was listening to her, yet they were going to stop her.

"He killed our Mom, Jude!" Horrified by hearing the truth out loud, her words dropped to a hush. That he wanted to see their Dad after what he'd done felt like a betrayal.

The knot in her stomach tightened as she recognized the slight hint of disappointment in both Stef and Lena's faces. She didn't understand how they could think she was wrong about this.

"Alright! Time out!" Dr. Wiseman interrupted, raising her voice for the first time. As much as this argument was needed as an opportunity for the children to be honest with each other, she had her limits with how far she was willing to let it go. She didn't want everything to be unearthed at once and risk having Jude and Callie leave the session with unresolved feelings.

Unfortunately, neither of them were finished.

Jude struggled to free himself from his foster mother's arms. "HE DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE!" he shouted through tears.

"—IT DOESN'T MATTER!" Callie screamed back at him. "Intentions DON'T MATTER, because you still end up with the same thing! It doesn't MATTER that Dad didn't mean it, because MOM'S—STILL—DEAD!" She was crying hard enough now that she could barely speak.

"Well YOU always say YOU don't mean to do bad stuff but you do anyways and we always forgive you even though we're all mad at you and you don't deserve it!" Jude shot back, batting away Lena's hand when she brought her index finger up to his lips. He'd learned quickly that it was her quiet way of telling him to stop whatever he was saying, but he couldn't let Callie have the last word. Not this time.

Opening her mouth with every intention of coming up with a retort, it dawned on Callie that her brother was right. All this time she'd been mad with her Dad when, in fact, she was just like him.

All of a sudden, she felt very small. She shook her head at Stef, who was now rushing towards her. "N—no. I don't w—want a hug f—from y—y—you!" she blubbered. "I—I'm not g—going with y—you!

"Sorry, Callie," the boy whispered, filled with remorse for the grief that had replaced his sister's anger. He bit his lip, wondering if they could get in trouble for yelling.

Not knowing what to say, Callie let her gaze fall to the floor. She shrugged before deciding that she couldn't stay there and sidestepped past the cop to walk out of the room.

It wasn't until the door began to close that Jude's fear of being left alone kicked in. "Come back! Callie! CALLIE!" he shouted after her. His panic mounting at the thought he might lose his sister, his cries intensified into a scream as he willed her to turn around. "CALLIE! DON'T LEAVE ME! COME BACK! COME BACK! COME BACK!"

"Oh no you don't, young man," Lena said gently, holding onto her son tightly as she waited for the tantrum to subside. Jude was trying to get off of her lap and his frustration was only increasing when his efforts proved futile.

"You need to let your sister go…Mom's going with her. Callie will be okay—she's not leaving you," Lena told him as Stef left to follow their daughter out into the hallway. His distress was painful. "You need to stay here with me."

"That's enough now. No more screaming."

She kept her voice just above a murmur and spoke into his ear—a tried and true method of calming him down. "You're with me…"

"That was intense," Lena said, her voice wavering. She took a deep breath as she dabbed at her eyes; witnessing her children's grief had been much harder than she had expected. "I'm sorry," she apologized, grabbing another tissue.

"For what?" Dr. Wiseman inquired.

Lena laughed drily. "I'm not sure. Their behaviour, for one," she said in mock annoyance. Now that the adrenaline from intervening with Callie and Jude had wore off, she was absolutely spent. All she could think of right now was how tough the session had been on all of them.

Much to her relief, Stef had managed to convince Callie to come back into the office. The siblings had apologized to each other and the ground rules were repeated; however, both seemed distracted and were no longer participating to the extent they had been before. As a change of pace, they were given blank notebooks to write or draw how they felt and encouraged to explore the toys and games in the room for the remainder of the session. Predictably, Jude had found the Lego. In contrast, Callie took the opportunity to remain at the table with her head down, unwilling to participate. When it was gently suggested that she try, she stormed out—though not before telling off Dr. Wiseman. Once again, Stef had followed. This time, having a feeling that they wouldn't be back, Lena sent Jude to the waiting room ten minutes later to wait with them while she stayed for the parent debrief.

"What's going on for you right now?"

Lena sighed. The truth was, she was slightly embarrassed by how her children had acted. She was that mother—the one with the spirited children. Still, her unease, which stemmed from a fear of being judged, bothered her. Because while Callie and Jude kept them on their toes, they were good kids.

"I know it sounds silly, but I was really hoping today might be better."

Dr. Wiseman smiled sympathetically. "I think all of us have made that mistake in our thinking at one point in time or another. Better doesn't mean perfect, though. Or easy."

"Callie and Jude are becoming more comfortable disagreeing with each other. It's expected that they would have polarizing opinions and ambivalence around their relationship with Donald. Due to their ages when he was incarcerated, both would've processed the grief around what happened at significantly different developmental stages."

She thought about how to frame things in a way that wasn't overly negative. "You may have already thought about this, but from personal and professional experience, you and Stef should probably expect more of the fights like the one today. It's completely normal."

It was always a sign of healthy separation that she liked to see—when siblings who were used to relying on each other suddenly began to argue in the process of transitioning into a more functional, typical relationship. The new territory was rarely easy for the families she worked with, though.

"How was this week? I know you and Stef had quite a lot on your plates. Did things get a chance to settle down?

Lena drew in a measured breath and blew it out. It had been a challenging week. "Somewhat. We had a meeting with the children's Case Worker on Monday to come up with a plan for Callie. It sounds like the juvenile Parole Office isn't too thrilled with her. We're waiting to see if her visits will be increased and that's keeping all of us on edge, I think. It would be very stressful for Callie if that were to happen."

She paused, wanting to phrase things in a way that avoided sharing more than she was comfortable. "Stef was quite harsh with her after she ran away—more than I was comfortable with—and Callie retreated for a few days. It had us worried, but I do think the individual attention has helped. Actually—Callie's communication seems to have significantly improved in the past week alone. She's been more forthcoming with us, though we need to prompt her. And despite her skipping, Callie's interim grades were excellent. She's doing so well in her classes."

"We've been working on implementing some emotional regulation strategies with her which we're hoping might reduce the impulsive behaviour."

Dr. Wiseman nodded encouragingly. "That's a good thought. You mentioned that Callie retreated. In what way?"

"She seemed discouraged. Becoming more withdrawn and guarded," Lena reported. "Limiting her participation with the rest of the family, that kind of thing. I think a lot of it was her not wanting to do anything wrong. She's been on her best behaviour."

"That reasoning is sound," the psychologist said, agreeing with Lena's assessment. "It makes sense that Callie would want to follow your rules. She tested you and thinks she went too far. That sort of settling effect after a period of turmoil is very typical at this stage, when attachment is still building. More about that shortly, but let's talk about Jude first. How is he doing?"

"With the exception of one incident that landed him and Callie in my office earlier this week, he's doing okay. There are ongoing issues with hygiene but that has remained stable. We had a recent success with bedwetting," Lena said, knocking on the desk for good measure. She didn't want to jinx anything!

"His eating is fairly disorganized, though. We keep a schedule at home to help him and Callie with their routine but his teacher has noticed that he often forgoes his lunch on days he's given money. I haven't figured out why; he seems genuinely happy at the idea of being able to buy his own lunch so it could be forgetfulness." Lena swallowed, getting emotional all of a sudden. "I think he's so used to not having a lunch that he forgets what the money is for." She cleared her throat. "We talked to him about it and Jude knows that if this continues we will need to think of something else."

It was an empty threat, however, because they didn't have many options. She and Stef weren't willing to isolate Jude by not allowing him to purchase his lunch. They had talked about her meeting him at his classroom and walking with him to the cafeteria but felt that that would single him out as well.

"Is there a way the cafeteria would be able to keep an account for him? So you pay the school directly and Jude is able to help himself?"

Lena sighed. "Probably, I'd have to look into that. The problem is, I think he might just not go. It's not ideal, but I could walk with him to the cafeteria to remind him to buy lunch…I just don't want Jude to be viewed differently, or make him feel like he's being treated differently, I guess," she admitted.

"That's a valid concern. It's probably still worth giving it a try, though. You never know—Jude might surprise you by only needing that to happen a few times before it becomes routinized," Dr. Wiseman encouraged.

"That reminds me—how are other aspects of Callie's self care?" she asked, scanning her notes. "Things like appetite and sleep?"

"Mmm. Some days are better than others," Lena stated. "Like Jude, her appetite is good and she will eat regularly as long as she's reminded. But Callie has definitely not been sleeping well," she reported, remembering the nightmare. "We're having more trouble than usual rousing her in the mornings."

"What about hygiene?"

"Honestly, it could be better but…I will say that she is receptive to help, once she accepts we aren't going to back down. Much, much more than she was at the beginning. Stef had to get into the tub with her this week to help, but there were no issues."

"That's really great!" the psychologist said with enthusiasm. That showed security and attachment.

"The reason I was asking about self care was because Callie's at the age where she's at risk for developing depression. And she has a few more things working against her. So you want to watch not only for mood symptoms—like irritability—but for physical ones, too. Any consistent changes in sleep pattern, appetite, thinking and concentration, then I might start wondering if there is possibly depression," she explained.

"I hadn't thought about that," Lena said honestly. "We have definitely noticed that for Callie and Jude, that any stress comes across more as physical symptoms, so we'll have to watch that."

"Yes. In some ways, that makes it easier to gauge how they're doing," Dr. Wiseman said.

"How would you describe their attachment?"

There was a lengthy pause as Lena considered her answer. "That's a hard one," she confessed, needing to think about it. "I would say still fairly insecure, perhaps less fragile than it was before."

"Neither Callie nor Jude like being separated from us, Callie especially," she continued. "She got lost in the parking lot when she was with Stef a couple days ago and was quite upset by it. I wasn't there, but apparently she told Stef that she had thought she had been left behind on purpose," she said, shaking her head. "That was very hard for Stef to hear."

"And like I said, after things hit a fever pitch between them, she was more reserved in some ways because I think she was anxious to make a mistake. Sometimes she just shuts down, like she has no energy. But maybe the time-in with us has also helped her feel more secure because there has definitely been a marked improvement," Lena said, thinking aloud. "What I mean is, Callie seems more secure than when she first came to us. She's been making conversation, asking questions…starting to hug us. Things like that."

"I did notice that today they were standing very close to the both of you when you first arrived. Jude was holding your hand and Callie was behind your wife. They know you're safe," Dr. Wiseman agreed. "And that—that is very promising."

"It could be that after that period of turmoil, she's starting to understand that you and Stef might be a permanent fixture in their lives. But that's a new concept that needs time to be reconciled against previous experiences. You and Stef have the unique challenge of needing to prove all of that wrong—," she said, waving her arm to illustrate the context.

"Jude and Callie have disrupted attachment—they're used to not having their vulnerability addressed. You're doing the opposite: trying to teach them to communicate their needs appropriately, and that you and Stef will support them," she explained. "That's not going to be without bumps along the way."

She paused to jot down some more chart notes. "That's why you're seeing this anxious-ambivalent style of attachment you just described. There's anxiety when separated from you, but they're not completely reassured or secure when they're around you, either."

"Callie fights for independence that exceeds her capabilities, then panics that she doesn't have you anymore. She and Jude make a mistake—or in her case, a series of mistakes—without realizing that they could've asked for help much sooner. What typically follows is a period of anxiety characterized by worry that they've lost your approval—they desperately want to show you that they are worth it. That being said, that they are making strides is important. It means that they are moving towards a more secure attachment with you both. You'll get there."

Lena nodded in understanding. She had no doubt in her mind that when Callie and Jude decided to sign his assignments, it wasn't just to avoid getting consequences but to avoid losing their approval. "Stef overheard them talking. Callie was telling Jude not to ask me for help with his homework—that he needed to be careful with how much he bothered me," she explained, quoting with her fingers, "If he wanted me to keep loving him."

"God," she uttered in frustration as her eyes welled up again. She couldn't imagine how on edge the kids must feel maintaining that level of hyper-vigilance when she was exhausted just thinking about it.

"Is there anything else we could be doing to support them?" Lena inquired, discouraged at the amount of work ahead of them.

Dr. Wiseman smiled. She'd been waiting for the question all parents asked eventually. "Truthfully, no. What I can say is that this is normal at this stage, and that Jude and Callie are exactly where I would expect them to be right now." She had plenty of experience to know how personally parents took this. "Much of attachment when fostering or adopting is a slow, fragile process that has little to do with what you did or didn't do. The best you can do is to continue providing lots of examples that show that the love and attention you have for them is unconditional to facilitate the transition towards a secure attachment. But like I've said, you and Stef are not responsible for the sea change in perspective that's needed for this to happen."

Lena blew out another breath, louder this time. "It's strange. Some days are really good. Jude will talk my ear off, Callie will be asking questions and pushing our buttons. Or being overly clingy. Other days, they're avoiding us," she vented. "As if they didn't remember anything…"

"It could be fatigue," the clinician pointed out. "Those cycles relate to attachment, too. On days that they're secure, they may be more comfortable testing the waters. That places a lot of demands on their capacity to process and is tiring, but they have the energy to deal with it."

"When they're less secure, they're not even going to try. And it may not have been anything you did—maybe a lot happened that day that diminished their stress tolerance. Because they've already had a lot to deal with, they may decide they're better off avoiding you instead of taking any risks. They're tapped out. That's the shutting down you describe. Constant negotiation between fighting for independence and accepting dependence is tiring."

"Over time, you'll find that the number of ups and downs will decrease as they feel more secure around you and Stef. Another thing that can catch parents off guard is that children's attachment can be more secure with one parent over the other, depending on the situation. There won't always be a predictable pattern and it's best not to take it personally."

"I was also going to say that the physical transfer of items that connect their life with Colleen and Donald with the one they'll share with you and Stef will also help nurture the relationship," Dr. Wiseman added. "As much as possible, it's important that they're returned."

"I wish we knew where to start," Lena admitted, relieved they had the opportunity to discuss this. "Bill suggested staggering the items rather than handing all of them over at once. Neither Callie nor Jude know that we have their belongings right now but we're not sure how we'd even broach the conversation. The last thing we want is to have them feel like we made decisions on their belongings. Stef said that looking over some of the photos and letters without the kids felt almost intrusive."

"Staggering is a good idea. Return items in a sequence and pace that you think they can process adequately and what you're comfortable discussing. Leave enough time and space to let feelings come up and be dealt with before moving on, being prepared to backtrack as needed."

"You'll want to create pockets of safety, too, to give them the option to participate as they're ready and to disengage when they're done. So for example, for photos and letters, I would say, let Jude and Callie know you have them. Show them where you're hoping to put them—ideally not in their room—and invite them to help you put them in an album. This establishes clear boundaries and gives them permission to come and go on their own terms."

"That's a great idea," Lena said. "I was hoping to put all of them in an album in time for the adoption but hadn't thought about asking for their help with it." This was a much better option.

"While that would be a thoughtful surprise that Jude and Callie would probably appreciate, you run the risk of hurt feelings if they stumble upon the project," Dr. Wiseman advised.

"It also doesn't allow them to grieve," Lena said, seeing the disadvantage with the original idea.

"Another thing I caution parents in this situation is to not to get too caught up with how belongings are allocated or shared. You'll find that the kids will have a unique affinity for some items over others, depending on their memories and the developmental stage they were at when they lost them. It's going to be difficult to make things fair and you shouldn't try to.

"I was thinking that, with the cassettes." Lena had been reluctant to push Callie to share when with Jude, but she felt guilty that the boy had been left out. Realizing that the woman had no idea what she was talking about, she explained that the recorded stories being read out loud had been a birthday gift from Colleen.

"We never considered telling Jude. Stef was able to be there when Callie played them, and that was special," she admitted. "But I could see how hurt he was when he found out today."

"That's a tough one. I wouldn't expect Callie to share them, just like I wouldn't expect Jude to share something with Callie he had an attachment to. The tapes are her's and she does have a right to be selfish about that though that may upset him. You could encourage Callie by telling her that it'd be special for him to be able to hear their Mom, like she got to."

"Any tips on how to handle the books?" Lena asked. That was a whole separate issue that was looming, one she'd been losing sleep over and wasn't looking forward to bringing up.

Folding her hands together, Gisella Wiseman leaned back in her chair. This was one situation she hadn't encountered in her years of practice. "Have you received any updated information from the Child Abuse Unit?"

"Their theory is that Jude was responsible for all the drawings. They can't be a hundred percent certain, but that's what it looks like. They have gathered all the evidence and the file is open, but without a statement they won't be able to proceed with next steps," Lena said. She was thankful Bill had connected with Dr. Wiseman about the discovery. It took the pressure off having to explain everything from scratch.

"There is a possibility that Jude may not remember doing them," the psychologist said. "Trauma is a natural eraser. Repressing memories is the brain's way of trying to protect itself."

"That's what we were thinking," Lena said, nodding. "Well, and that Callie might be completely unaware, or not know the full extent." She paused, trying to brainstorm the best way to return the books. "The kids' bedrooms don't have much shelf space, so they would have to either go on the bookshelf in the den or living room."

"Right. That preserves a safe space and gives them to chance to look through them on their own terms," Dr. Wiseman agreed. "In terms of language, you could tell Jude and Callie that you've been given some of their books. Ask if they want to see them and show them where there's space for them to be stored. Let them lead from there."

"There will be a resurgence of trauma as Jude remembers. It may look like confusion or distress, and there may be a setback in behaviour. It probably won't be immediate; what typically happens in young children is that their bodies pick up on something being wrong before they can identify it consciously."

The clinician paused, thinking of how to broach the last topic before ending the session. "How are you and Stef holding up with what you learned about the children's past experiences in other homes?"

Caught off guard, Lena gave the woman a broken smile. "I…I'm not sure, to be honest. I don't think we've had a chance to think about it."

"It's helpful to understand why the kids are so averse to bathing…but we're having a hard time accepting that there's not much we can do about it," she said bitterly, alluding to the prior abuse.

She and Stef had agreed right away that they were unwilling to put the children through the trauma of being questioned when any charges would be unlikely. "We've decided on a wait-and-see approach…to see if Jude brings it up." They were hoping that this would come up during the initial assessment when the boy was ready for individual sessions.

"That's a much kinder alternative to a confrontational approach. It's always preferable to let it come out naturally, as they're ready. So I reckon your reasoning is sound."

"But you are not happy with this plan," the clinician remarked gently as she watched Lena fight back tears, not saying anything this time.

This time, Lena couldn't stop her breath from hitching. "It feels like we're letting them down."

"Alright. Maybe we should unpack this."

By the time Lena emerged from the psychologist's office, her head was filled with details she needed to remember to relay to Stef. That was competing with her primary interest, however, of making sure her children were okay. The second time Callie had walked out from the room, her wife had followed very quickly. It'd been difficult to read Stef's expression, but she worried that she might have told Callie off. At the same time, Lena wanted to scold the girl herself for provoking Jude, even though she fully understood the source of her frustration.

All of her worry and annoyance melted away as she took in the scene in the waiting room.

A magazine with a sheet of blank paper on top was on the coffee table; she couldn't make out the written lines from where she was standing, but the loopy writing was recognizably Callie's.

The rest of the surface was littered with the remnants of client snacks Gisella had available in the office: empty juice boxes, fruit salad cups, cheese string shells, and a number of wrappers from individually-portioned cookies. Lena shook her head. The whole reason she had insisted on packing their own food was because she could ensure the options for the kids were healthier. She began to laugh at the comical sight and her wife's guilt-ridden expression, quickly clamping a hand over her mouth when Stef held a finger up to her lips and pointed beside her.

Curled across two chairs, sound asleep with his head on her wife's lap, was Jude. Her jacket draped over his small frame.

On Stef's other side was Callie, sprawled onto her stomach. The magazine she was reading propped up against the cop's thigh.

Sticking close by.