Chapter 3: The in-genie-osity of Haruhi Suzumiya
"Why am I on the poster?" Mikuru complained, finally seeing the promotional image Haruhi had produced for the play, the rest of the group joining her in examining the poster. It was an edited image, obviously, of Mikuru wearing a rather revealing bedlah, light green in color and showing a rather ample amount of cleavage, with a low-cut skirt around her waist, tied with a golden sash that barely covered any more skin, and if anything only highlighted the swell of her hips. The base photo used was one where Mikuru was quite aware that she was prey to Haruhi's impulses, hence why she looked flustered, shy and extremely moe on the image. It was, altogether, absolute genius in terms of making it so that people, or at least all the young men in the school, would want to see the play. "And why am I dressed like that?"
"To make sure people will come and see our play! Come on, your big boobies gotta have some purpose around here, you know?" Haruhi said with a perky little smile, one filled with such mischief that it was clear that she would not take any rebuttal to her initiative, especially now that the posters were already pretty much everywhere in the school… and in its surroundings too. "Your milkshake will bring all the boys to the yard~"
Kyon certainly could not deny that this would certainly interest a lot of people of the masculine persuasion - even he had to admit that his curiosity would be piqued on seeing this. It was certain that many people would come and see the play now, which raised the pressure severely. Sure, many would be distracted by what they'd call "those bedlah babes", but there would still need to be something of remotely passable quality here, no one would really stay for the whole thing if it was just Mikuru and Haruhi standing there while looking sexy.
"Okay, so we'll have to divide the roles here in an efficient way," Kyon began to say, taking charge of this fiasco so as to make sure it would not be nearly as catastrophic than it could end up being if Haruhi took full hold of the reins - he still remembered the disaster that was The Adventures of Mikuru Asahina Episode 00. With Haruhi, one never knew what you were getting, yet it was better to plan and try than to crash and burn nonchalantly. "So I'm the king and Mikuru is Scheherazade and Morgana, right? What are you going to play, Haruhi?"
"The genies, of course! Powerful beings like these are right up my alley!" she replied with energy, showing of course an enthusiasm for anything weird and fantastical. "I saw those Wishmaster movies, how that genie turned masters' wishes against them and I am so into that!"
That was 100% Haruhi right there, not to play by the rules and thus demand people, places or the laws of nature adapt to accommodate her perception of things. Koizumi, not seeing the train crash coming right at them, or expertly ignoring it, tried to help put things in perspective, still wearing his big turban as if it was nothing.
"Okay...So how should we play the tale of Aladdin, then? In this, there are two genies, one of the ring and one of the lamp. The ring genie is weaker and is the one true ally of Aladdin as he struggles to save Princess Badroulbadour from a sorcerer who stole the magic lamp. How should we play this, then?"
"Oh, I know!" Haruhi said, taking charge right here and then with her answer. "The ring genie is pissed that she's been neglected, and makes it so Aladdin is her servant instead. Then she saves the kingdom by tricking the sorcerer and she gets the girl too! How does that sound?"
"That is not how the story goes," mumbled Yuki as she read on in her corner, part of the group yet secluded by her own design. Yet at some point she too had donned something from Haruhi's boxes, a headpiece that criss-crossed her forehead with plastic coins and jewels.. As if sensing their attention she looked up, and expression not shifting in the slightest said, "I shall play the genie of the ring."
"Sure, okay then Yuki," Haruhi said, eagerly endorsing this casting choice as if it had been her own idea. "You're going to be perfect, you're the perfect size for a ring-genie, and mysterious too!"
Kyon considered himself a pretty good reader of Yuki's face, and in the little nod she gave Haruhi he thought he saw a hint of satisfaction. Then her attention returned to The Arabian Nights as she flipped page after page, the book apparently fascinating her. Seeing her sporting the tacky headpiece like a middle-eastern riff on her treasured fortune-telling outfit, Kyon could not help but smile at the little show of camaraderie and individuality.
"Okay, Yuki's the genie of the ring, and I'll be her boss and chief, the all-powerful genie of the lamp!"
If only Haruhi could be so cooperative. Kyon had not read the tale of Aladdin, but of course it wasn't meant to go like this. Haruhi was making herself the centerpiece and fudging the story, and while it could certainly prove to be entertaining, he could already see the chaos that might come of Haruhi thinking, even pretending that she was a genie, granting wishes and all that.
"Maybe you ought to play Scheherazade instead? I mean, she is the smart one, the focus of the story and I think it would suit you better," he suggested, trying to mitigate any damages from Haruhi getting in-character as a cosmically-powerful entity.
"Hmmm...I'll consider it," Haruhi said, uncharacteristically agreeing with Kyon, as if she was actually interested in playing the role of the woman subjugated to the desires and whims of his petty king. "Okay, now everyone go get a copy of the book and read...read...read! We've gotta start practice tomorrow, first thing in the morning at Kyon's house! This is gonna be great!"
And with that Haruhi was gone, leaving them all in the ungodly predicament of having to read a massive book in one night, in order to diminish the disaster that was soon to come.
There needed to be more promotion, more interest in this.
People could be so boring, so predictable, Haruhi thought as she plastered another poster on a lamp post near the train station. A dancing girl, promises of exotic thrills, of oriental dreams and all that, what more could they possibly want? The house had better be packed when the curtain lifted - this was going to be the best play in the universe, the most amazing thing that anyone could imagine. With her friends by her side, there was no way, just no way that this wouldn't work. However, they did need more costumes and more props, so on the way home she was shopping for more. She required costumes to make sure perverts would be pleased with Mikuru's appearance, clothes to make Kyon look kingly, whatever that was, something better suiting Koizumi and perhaps she could try to make Yuki look sexy as the genie of the ring? It occurred to her that with the bibliophile's reputation, maybe Yuki would be better-suited to play Scheherazade, yet dropped that thought quickly in favour of developing Mikuru's confidence by shoving her into centre-stage - the fragile little thing needed to grow a pair already, not counting the two enormous funbags she already had riding shotgun on her chest!
And as for Kyon's idea that she herself play Scheherazade, well, that was just stupid, wasn't it? Even if Scheherazade was the main character and a clever storyteller, what else did she actually do? Charm the heart of some king, a king played by Kyon, and become his Queen? She didn't want that...
Still pondering this she entered one of her favourite thrift stores, one that always seemed to have something fun in stock, picking up random things that she was certain she'd be able to make something out of with enough motivation...or at least Mikuru would with her sewing skills. Money was no object when a project was on the line and, curiously enough, she always had just enough pocket change and bills to cover her expenses, a luckiness that Haruhi could only see as destiny pushing her forward to greatness.
As she searched around, she overheard two other customers talking while browsing through the shirts, their conversation being of no interest to her until she heard them mention "The Arabian Nights". Curious she leaned around a corner to get a better look.
"So there's some pretty good stories in this, and apparently someone's putting up a play of the whole thing. I hope it'll be good," a sharp-featured young man said while looking at what Haruhi assumed was his girlfriend, a pallid girl dressed in the formal uniform of the Kouyouen girls school. "I mean, there's some weird stuff out there in those tales."
"Like genies? Yes, I know. I myself find them fascinating," the Kouyouen girl said, with a strange almost-rehearsed formality, looking at the blouse he was holding up, inspecting it carefully. "Plenty of power, plenty of responsibilities toward one person. But to be certain of what you have to do, to have the potential to do it all… it must be... nice."
"Yeah, no school, no boring stuff… just the thrill of serving someone with the power of the cosmos at your fingertip," Sharp-face replied, putting the shirt down as he looked at pants instead.
Haruhi thought they were a weird couple, but the second their conversation turned to the benefits of geniedom her attention locked onto their words, and not their behaviour. She couldn't really agree completely, already wishing to contradict them both, yet her play was more important than their mundane conversation. Still, they weren't entirely wrong - to have so much power and to understand the cosmos and the order of things would be infinitely cool. But who wanted to be stuck as somebody's slave? Not her, no, if Haruhi Suzumiya was to be a genie, she'd be a bad-ass one instead of those servants in the old tales. She continued shopping, adding stuff that looked like old cosplay material and Halloween costumes to her growing pile, along with gaudy accessories that were supposed to be jewelry yet came off as cheap plastic. But anything would work with enough energy and willpower, she thought as she got into line to pay for all of this.
"Wouldn't you like to have a genie as a servant, though?" a boy in the line said to another, carrying a few pair of pants. "I mean, it must be nice to have one, right?"
"Sure. If I had a genie, I would cherish it and make sure it would be loved while granting my wishes," another boy replied, waiting beside his friend while carrying nothing, just tagging along. "Who doesn't love genies, right?"
"Whoever's putting on that play at North High sure seems to love them."
Well yes, she did, Haruhi admitted. And it definitely seemed that people were talking about her play, which pleased her to no end. Haruhi paid right after them and while walking towards the train station began to think of what kind of genie she would end up being if she ever was to become one. She'd be like a justice genie, one who would grant the wishes of the good and trick the wicked, turning their desires against them. They would say "make me breakfast" and she'd turn them into eggs and bacon, a thought which left her smirking in wicked delight. Yeah, she'd make for a badass genie.
A part of her thoughts though turned to something else she'd heard discussed in the store: being adored. Of course people would always be grateful to genies who would faithfully grant their wishes. She'd already developed an idea of a beautiful woman with divine powers, swiftly bestowing blessings to mortals and being cherished for it, and she could picture being like this herself. To make an actual big difference with her amazing presence, like things were supposed to be.
Boarding the train she spotted some students carrying one of her posters, talking about the play, about genies and dancers. How beautiful they could look, how amazing they could be, how they'd want to have one nearby them, and love to see one in reality. They talked about their wishes and their desires, projecting fiction into reality. Haruhi did not know these people, but that hardly bothered her because most people bored her anyway. All this talk however fuelled those genie fantasies that had begun growing when she first read that precious book. She could imagine being released from a lamp, with a mortal before her trembling in awe of her amazing beauty and terrible power, bowing down in respect as she magnanimously granted their wishes, changing the world and their lives with a snap of her fingers.
It was, altogether, a pretty pleasant fantasy to indulge in when she got back home. The house was empty, her parents out. Putting all the clothes and costumes in a box that she would carry back to school tomorrow, she then returned to her room to read passages she had copied from The Arabian Nights, moments that she enjoyed most, like when Morgana tricks the forty thieves again and again, or Aladdin's discovery of the magic oil lamp. Caught in her imagination, she was too busy and too distracted to hear someone approaching her, an intruder in her own home who then began to assail her mind, her own thoughts.
Genies are amazing.
And it was true. Genies were sublime beings and it was really something that she thought she could live up to for the play. It fitted her perfectly, as far as she was concerned.
You want to be a genie.
Oh yes she did. Screw Scheherazade, there was no way that she'd pass up an opportunity to be a genie, not after everything she had heard tonight! She had some precise thoughts about this and could not dislodge them from her mind.
You need to become a genie.
The world would be so much more interesting if she was one! She could right wrongs, please everyone and be an immortal doer of good! It would be amazing!
You are a genie.
Yes. If she was to play one, she needed to think of herself as one instead of pretending. It made much more sense that way, after all. She'd need to be convincing and the better way to do so was to convince herself first and foremost.
Unbeknownst to Haruhi, her train of thought stopped right there, mind still and eyes glazing over, her body slowly dissolving into smoke that was then drawn toward an object, one held by the mysterious stranger that had invaded her room. Gone from the world, Haruhi was now stuck inside a golden lamp, a mystical-looking one. Her wish to save the world would actually be granted...
And she'd save the world by becoming a genie.