The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints Episode 4: Prologue 4: Butterballs
(Ignoring Stan's subplot)
(It's nighttime, about a week and two days after the NAMBLA debacle. We cut to the South Park prison where we check in on Trent and Justin. Trent is looking outside the window of his jail cell, staring up at the night sky while Justin is doing some push-ups and sit-ups)
Justin: Why do you keep looking out at that window? You yearning to be free?
Trent: What do you think? Once I get out, I'm going after those Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and Kyle guys. But first, I'm taking down Sir Justice. He's the reason I'm behind these bars to begin with!
Justin: You know, Sir Justice was a friend of mine. His real name is Samuel Cooper.
Trent: Is that right? If he was your friend, then why would he put you behind these bars?
Justin: Simple. I tell him that I wanted a harem, and the next thing I know, he's going on about, "That's sinful! You shouldn't do that!" and he's all like, "STDS this, pregnancy that!" A bunch of bullshit if you ask me. So if you want to take on Sir Justice when you get out, make sure you leave plenty of ass whooping for me. When I find him, I'm going to kick his ass, and then I'm going to bang those girls right in front of him.
Trent: Whoa, that's dark…I like it.
Justin: My time in prison made me realize something, being a villain is way more fun than playing hero. I figured I might as well start acting like one, you feel me?
Trent: If you want to be evil, go for it!
(Trent continues to look out his window when he sees something flying fast)
Trent: Hey, Justin, look at this!
(Justin comes to the window and sees the fast moving object)
Justin: It looks like a shooting star? You can get like a free wish from that shit, man!
Trent: Well then, if that's the case... (Closes his eyes) I wish Justin and I could get the hell out of here.
(The flying object is coming closer to Trent and Justin's jail cell)
Justin: Uh-oh!
Trent: I also wish the shooting star won't kill us!
Justin: Hit the deck!
(Justin and Trent duck down and the "shooting star" turns out to be PB-01 Max)
Max: Automaton Punch!
(Max busts down the prison wall. As soon as that happened, alarms start blaring)
Intercom: Code Red! Code Red! Prison break in Cell #126! Stop them!
(Trent and Justin look up at Max)
Justin: Who the hell are you?
Max: I'm PB-01 Max: The perfect boy! (Holds out his left hand and right arm cannon) Come with me if you want revenge!
Trent: How did you know we want revenge?
Max: My boss knows everything. Come with me, you two will meet him!
(A horde of guards appear)
Guards: Freeze!
Max: Get behind me!
(Trent and Justin get behind Max as he readies his arm cannon)
Max: Power Grenade!
(He fires his Power Grenade attack, creating a wall of smoke. When the smoke clears, the guards see that Max, Trent, and Justin are gone)
Guard #1: No!
Guard #2: They're getting away!
(Meanwhile, Trent and Justin, who are holding onto Max's arms, are flying toward's South Park junkyard)
Justin: So, where are you taking us?
Max: You'll see.
(They eventually land in the junkyard, where Trent and Justin see a hooded Damien standing upon a pile of trash)
Damien: I've been waiting for you two.
Trent: Just who the hell are you?
Damien: Just call me Damien.
Justin: Okay, Damien, did you bring us here because of Sir Justice?
Damien: Of course.
Trent: So you'll help us take him down, correct?
Damien: If you two team up with me (Lowers his hood and grins at Trent, and Justin) We can do so much more than that.
(Intro song: Resonance by T.M Revolution)
(The intro starts with the town of South Park, and Damien looks down on the town from atop a hill)
(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara? Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka?)
(Enemy soldiers dressed in black are attacking the town and spreading chaos and destruction)
(Roku ni me mo awasazu unmei ni made karandeku Yukisaki moro kabutteru kuenai yoru wo hashire)
(The main characters that include teenage versions of Samuel/Sir Justice, Kurt/Smith the Kid, Bridgette/the Singing Angel, Ursula/Samurai of Light, Wendy, Bebe, the Mysterion, the Coon, Professor Chaos, Stan, Kyle, Craig, Tweek, Token, Clyde, Red, and Annie among others that I won't reveal because spoilers, charge into the town ready for the fight of their lives. They all fight off the soldiers)
(Fukaoi shisugita mabushisa ga warui yume ni tsuzuite mo)
(Damien appears along with his 13 commanders (3 of which are Trent, Justin, and Max). Our heroes look at each other, smirk, pull out their weapons and fight)
(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka? Deatta wake wa dou datte ii mikitsukerarete Fureta shunkan no kizu no fun dake tashika ni nareru)
(Damien steps forward ready to face our heroes, and they prepare to clash as the title of the fanfic, "The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints" appears)
(We cut to the morning after the jailbreak, and Sam and Wendy are walking to school)
Sam: So….Sir Justice is really making a name for himself.
Wendy: Yeah. He, (deadpan) or rather you, (normal voice) is kicking some major ass. Trent, Justin, NAMBLA, Max. They were all no match for him, (deadpan) or you.
Sam: Why do you keep making these wacky accusations that I'm Sir Justice?
Wendy: I just think it's a little coincidental that you are nowhere to be found whenever Sir Justice is around, and both you and Sir Justice happen to have the same physical features and habits.
Sam: That's not saying much. The only thing it proves…(Gets a creepy face and scary voice) Is that I'm Sir Justice's evil twin! Hell bent on the annihilation of all of South Park! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Wendy: (Deadpan) You put sugar in your breakfast cereal this morning again, didn't you?
(Silence)
Sam: (Suddenly calm) I had a couple of tablespoons.
Wendy: Right…Let's just keep going.
(The duo continue walking to school…but they are being watched by three shadowy figures. One is hiding up in the trees, one is hiding in an alley way, and the last one is hiding in a trash can)
Wendy: Hey, Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Wendy: Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched?
Sam: No? Do you?
(The three shadow figures slowly sneak up behind the duo)
Wendy: I don't know, I just feel like someone is watching us…
Male voice: DOG PILE!
(A boy and two girls tackle Sam to the ground, and Wendy jumps out of the way. It's Kurt, Bridgette, and Ursula, Sam's other three friends)
(Kurt has brown eyes and brown hair, a long sleeve red and blue plaid shirt with a white undershirt, blue jeans, and black cowboy boots)
(Bridgette has long brown hair and blue eyes, white sandals, and a white sundress that goes down to her knees)
(Ursula has a black t-shirt with a red stripe, blue jeans, black shoes, and short black hair that's covered by a Houston Texans cap)
Kurt: It's been a while, Sam!
Sam: Kurt! Bridgette! Ursula! It's you!
Bridgette: Hey, Sammy, we missed you!
Sam: I missed you guys, too!
Ursula: (Helps Sam up and hugs him tightly) Great to see you, buddy!
Sam: It's great to see you too, Ursula! So, I guess you guys took some mental health days from school like Justin did?
Kurt: (Gets up as does Bridgette does) Yeah. We missed you, pal. Why should Justin have all of the fun?
Sam: Speaking of which, did you hear about what happened?
Bridgette: Yeah. He tried to force himself upon some girls here in town and now he's in jail.
Kurt: I knew the guy was girl crazy, but I didn't expect him to go this far.
Sam: Nobody did.
Wendy: Sam, are these more of your friends?
Sam: Oh, where are my manners. (Turns to his friends) Guys, this is my new friend, Wendy. Wendy, these are my old friends from Houston: Ursula, Kurt, and Bridgette.
Kurt: Howdy.
Ursula: Nice to meet you.
Wendy: Likewise. (In her mind) Are these three vigilantes like Sam? (Out loud) So, are you guys like Justin was?
Bridgette: Oh heavens, no! We're nothing like Justin. We'd never hurt a fly.
Ursula: Unless said fly provokes us.
Kurt: And unlike Justin, I know how to treat a lady. Treat her with the utmost respect, stroke her ego once in a while, make her feel good.
Wendy: You already sound miles better than Justin.
Kurt: Thank you.
Sam: I should introduce you three to the rest of my friends.
Ursula: You've made more friends? I hope you're not trying to replace us, Sammy boy.
Sam: I wouldn't dream of replacing you guys. Everyone should be at the school by now. Come on, let's go!
(Sam, Wendy, Bridgette, Kurt, and Ursula head off for the school. On the way there, they find Stan, Kenny, Cartman, Kyle, Bebe, Annie, Red, and Heidi gathered around the window of the T.V store)
Sam: Hey, there's some of them now!
(The group of five go up to meet Sam's friends)
Sam: Hiya, guys!
(No response. The group of eight watching T.V through the window look very upset)
Sam: I want to introduce you guys to my other three friends: Ursula, Bridgette, and Kurt.
Stan: (Turns around to look at them) Oh, hey (Goes back to watching T.V).
Ursula: This isn't much of a welcome wagon.
Sam: Guys, what's wrong?
Kyle: Just look at the T.V.
Sam: Why? What's happening?
(Sam, Kurt, Wendy, Bridgette, and Ursula join the group of eight watching T.V, and a news report comes on)
Tom Thompson: Good morning, South Park, Tom Thomson here with some breaking news.
(Clips of South Park jail with the wall broken down are shown)
Tom Thompson: Late last night, a jail break took place, and police reported that Trent Boyett of South Park, CO and Justin Powers of Houston, TX, escaped with the help of a mysterious robot. Guards managed to give a description of the robot to a sketch artist, and this is what came up.
(Shows a drawing of Max on screen along with headshots of Trent and Justin)
Tom Thompson: If you see any of these three, please notify the proper authorities.
(As the news story keeps going, the group of 13 are in complete shock and awe)
Kenny: T-T-T-Trent…
Bebe: J-J-J-Justin…
All but Wendy, Kurt, Bridgette, Ursula, and Sam: ESCAPED!
(The eight kids start going crazy, as they are afraid of what's going to happen now that they've escape)
Heidi: This can't be happening!
Annie: WE'RE GONNA DIE!
(With the four boys)
Kyle: Dudes, you know Trent is going to come after us.
Stan: That's it, I got to run away! My family will find me somehow!
Cartman: You can't run away, you have to be the sacrifice in case Trent comes after us.
Stan: What?! Why me?!
Cartman: Last I checked, you were the one who wanted to play Fireman, which resulted in Trent helping us, which resulted in us pinning the blame on him, and him getting arrested, which resulted in him gunning for our ass!
Stan: Well, I think Kenny should be the sacrifice!
Kenny: What!?
Stan: Hey, you came up with the idea of putting out a real fire, which is why we needed Trent's help, which is why we pinned the blame on him, which is why he's going to come after us.
Kenny: Go straight to hell! Besides, Kyle was the one who suggested we enlist Trent to begin with!
Kyle: Don't get me involved with this!
(As the four boys argue, Bebe is just watching on)
Bebe: Sure am glad we don't single each other like that for a sacrifice, huh girls.
Annie: Uh, actually, Bebe. Red, Heidi, and I have been talking. And we decided that Justin won't be satisfied until he gets at least one of us. So if we had to pick which one of us would get raped…we'd pick you.
Bebe: WHAT!? You're choosing me as a sacrifice?! How dare you!
Red: We knew you'd react this way, so just hear us out.
Bebe: Why would you want this to happen to me?!
Annie: Where do we start? First: We thought you got along with Justin more than we did, so he'd probably want you more.
Red: Yeah, I remember you kissed him on the cheek to say goodbye after we saw that movie on the day we met him.
Annie: Second: You were the only one of us wearing highlights in your hair, making you the odd man out.
Bebe: Well that's a cop out.
Annie: Third: You developed breasts earlier than we did, so we think Justin might have more fun with you.
Bebe: Really?!
Annie: Fourth: Did you see how your father reacted to NAMBLA last week?
Red: Yeah, he went all 80s action movie hero on their asses. So if he gets word that you've been raped, he'll just go Arnold Schwarzenegger again, and whoop Justin's ass. It's a lose-win scenario for you.
Annie: And fifth: You have a pretty blonde hair color. Guys go crazy for that.
Bebe: You're a blonde too!
Annie: Yeah, but my hair is shorter and thinner, while yours is longer and more full.
Bebe: I can't believe this, you guys actually want me to get fucking raped!
Annie: I didn't say we wanted you to get raped. But if we were to choose one of us to sacrifice, you'd be the first pick.
Bebe: Go to hell!
(The four boys and four girls argue amongst each other, and Sam decides to end it by making an announcement. He stands on top of a parked car and clears his throat)
Sam: Okay, everyone, SHUT THE HELL UP!
(The two groups of four quiet down to listen to Sam)
Sam: I don't know why you guys are worrying about who to sacrifice, or what's going to happen when Trent and Justin find you. We have Sir Justice here to take care of us! Just put your faith in Sir Justice, and he'll protect you.
(The eight kids calm down and realize they're acting stupid)
Heidi: Sam's right. We have nothing to fear with Sir Jusitce here in town.
Kyle: Yeah! He put Trent and Justin behind bars once, he can do it again!
Sam: Exactly. So don't worry too much about what's going to happen. Focus on what's going to happen to them when they fight Sir Justice for a second time! Come on, everyone, let's go to school.
(Everyone heads to school, but Kurt, Bridgette, and Ursula stay behind. Sam goes back to say goodbye)
Sam: Sorry you had to see that.
Bridgette: Don't worry about it. It's only natural for humans to panic when evil comes knocking at our doorstep.
Ursula: If you ever need help in taking down Justin or this Trent guy, you know who to call.
Sam: Thanks, guys. I have to get to school now. We'll hang out after school today?
Bridgette: Sounds good.
Sam: Great, I'll see you then. See you later!
(His three friends wave him goodbye as Sam hurries off to school)
(At school, the rest of the day seemed normal and calm. Then lunchtime arrives. We cut to the likes of Annie, Red, Clyde, Token, and Bebe on the lunch line getting their lunch for the day)
Annie: Hey guys, I've been thinking.
Token: About what?
Annie: Sir Justice. I mean, he saved us from our respective troubles. He saved you and Clyde from NAMBLA, and he saved Bebe, Red and I from Justin. I think we owe him for his good deeds.
Clyde: That's not a bad idea.
Bebe: But how do we do it? He only seems to appear whenever someone is in danger.
Annie: Oh, you're saying we need to put ourselves in danger. If so, there are a few things we can do. We can either tie ourselves to the train tracks, or fight some notorious gangs, which one is it going to be?
Clyde: Neither! We don't have to do that. I'm sure if we wait long enough, Sir Justice will appear somewhere in town. When he does, we'll find him, and ask if there's anything we can do for him in return for his good deeds.
Red: Speaking of which, what did you have in mind for thanking him, Annie?
Annie: I was thinking about fighting alongside him. In case he runs into a mission he can't handle alone, like the time he fought against NAMBLA. And I'm not talking about fight with him as random citizens, I mean wear superhero disguises of our own and have cool weapons. We'll be like the Justice Friends.
Token: That group of superheroes from the Dexter's Laboratory cartoon?
Annie: Exactly.
Clyde: You know, that's actually not a bad idea. I wouldn't mind fighting with Sir Justice side by side.
Token: I don't think any of us would.
Annie: Great. So we're all in agreement. The next time we see Sir Justice, we ask him if we can fight together with him.
Bebe: Sounds good. We can handle disguises on our own, right?
(The other four nod)
Bebe: Wonderful. As far as weapons are concerned, I say we swing by Dr. Sophocles' lab and ask if he can make more.
Red: Good idea. We should also ask some of our friends if they want to join us. Maybe we can even ask others who assisted us like Mr. Slave, Leon, Mr. Testaburger, or maybe even your own dad, Bebe.
Bebe: Okay.
Annie: Alright. I can't wait! This is going to be the coolest thing ever!
(Meanwhile, Sam is sitting at a table eating with Cartman, Kyle, Stan, Craig, Tweek, and Kenny. Cartman is trying to have a conversation with his friends)
Cartman: No, no, no! I'm telling you guys, music videos have devolved to nothing but pretty girls wearing skin-tight clothes, and singing songs about their vajayjays. Used to be chicks sang about their relationships; now it's all "my vajayjay this, my vajayjay that." But clearly that's what sells. Think about it. When was the last time you turned on a music video and didn't see some chick strumming a guitar singing about her vajayjay?
(The rest of the guys ignore him)
Cartman: See, you can't remember.
Sam: No, you're just talking crazy again.
Cartman: What you see as crazy, I see as the truth.
Sam: Uh-huh…
(Suddenly, Butters comes up to the table and sits in the only available spot. Butters' right eye is black and blue)
Butters: (Sits down) Hey, fellas.
Kyle: Where's your lunch, Butters?
Butters: Uh, I'm not feeling that hungry.
Stan: Dude, did a bully take your lunch money again?
Butters: (Sigh) Yeah.
Stan: Butters, this is like the third day in a row.
Sam: You have to tell a teacher about this, Butters.
Butters: No, I'm not a tattletale.
Stan: Okay, then write the principal an anonymous letter.
Butters: No, I'm not an Anonymous Andy.
Craig: Fine then. How about you just get a bigger bully to beat your bully up?
Butters: No, I don't want kids calling me a Cliché Conflict Resolution Kevin.
Sam: God, Butters, you're hard to please.
Cartman: Don't get mad at Butters, Sam, he's got a point.
Sam: But by doing nothing, he's just going to keep getting bullied.
Kyle: If Butters doesn't want to follow our advice, then he's just going to have to stick it out.
Craig: Don't worry, Butters, life sucks sometimes. It'll pass.
Sam: Bullshit! Kids like Butters are getting bullied every day, and people like us just stand by and watch it happen. This is why brave heroes like Sir Justice exist: To purge the pest that is evil, and fight for what is right in this world! Well, for something like this, I don't need Sir Justice! I can handle this bullying problem on my own!
(Red, Bebe, Clyde, Token, and Annie walk by)
Token: Good for you, Sam.
Bebe: Yeah, it's nice to see that somebody in this school has balls.
Cartman: I have balls.
Red: Yeah. Little, squishy, shriveled, sterile, boba-tea balls.
Cartman: It's still balls.
Tweek: Look, Butters. Why don't you talk to your family about it?
Kyle: Good idea, Tweek. Tell your family about it, Butters. You said that your Grandma Ethel is visiting this week, so why don't you try talking to her?
Butters: My grandma?
Sam: Your grandmother has been on this earth longer than any of us. She probably has a few good life stories to learn from.
Butters: Yeah... (Gets up from his chair) I have to go the bathroom, I'll be back.
(He leaves)
Craig: That was weird.
(Later on in the day, when school is out of session, the kids head home. Sam leaves the school's main entrance with Bebe, Wendy, Clyde, Token, Red, and Annie. Upon leaving, Sam sees his friends, Kurt, Bridgette, and Ursula waiting outside and waving at him)
Sam: Hey, guys! (Sam and his new friends meet up with Sam's old friends)
Kurt: Hey, Sam. (Looks at South Park Elementary) So this is your school, eh?
Sam: Yeah, not much, but it's a decent school.
Kurt: Still looks better than the school back at Houston. (He looks at Sam's six other friends) So these are some of your friends?
Bebe: Yes, we've met before, I think.
Ursula: Yeah, you were all freaking out in front of the T.V store about Justin and some Trent dude breaking out of jail.
Red: Yeah, that was us.
Sam: Allow me to introduce you to my friends formally. You've already met Wendy, but these guys here are Token, Bebe, Red, Clyde, and Annie.
Kurt: Howdy, the name's Kurt. These two ladies are my friends, Bridgette and Ursula.
Ursula: 'Sup.
Bridgette: Hey there.
(Annie and Clyde are awe struck by Kurt and Bridgette as they stare at them with love in their eyes as Cutting Crew's Died in Your Arms Tonight plays in the background)
(Oh, I…I just died in your arms tonight! Must've been something you said. I just died in your arms tonight! Oh, I…I just died in your arms tonight! Must've been some kind of kiss. I should've walked away. I should've walked away)
(Record scratch)
Kurt: Hey, are you two okay?
Annie: Are you guys anything like Justin.
Bridgette: Heavens no.
Clyde: Are you single?
Bridgette: Uh? Yes.
Annie: How 'bout you, Kurt.
Kurt: Yup, single.
Clyde: (Looks up at the sky) Thank you, God!
Annie: (Looks up with him) I am forever in your debt, Jesus.
Kurt: Okay then, so, you guys want to hang out.
Bebe: We'd love to, but Annie, Clyde, Red, Token and I have to head to South Park Laboratories for some important business.
Wendy: And I have to get home and finish a book report for English class.
Sam: I'll hang out with you guys. It's been a while. It'll give us a chance to catch up with each other.
Ursula: Cool. (Turns to the other six kids) We'll see you guys around, I guess?
Wendy: Sure.
Ursula: Nice. See you guys around then.
Six kids: Bye.
(They go their separate ways)
Kurt: We'll head back to our room at the South Park Inn and watch a movie. How does that sound, Sammy?
Sam: Sounds dynamite, bud.
(Sam sees Butters heading home alone)
Sam: Uh, can we make a quick stop first?
Bridgette: Sure.
Sam: Alright, follow me.
(The four kids follow Butters home. About halfway to his house, Butters turns around as if someone is following him. The four kids hide in a nearby dumpster. Butters looks around, shrugs his shoulders, and continues to walk home. The four kids come out of their hiding place)
Kurt: Sam, why are we following this kid again?
Sam: This kids' name is Butters. He's being bullied, and I want to follow him to see if he gets bullied again on the way home so that I can stop whoever is tormenting him.
Ursula: Nice.
Sam: Come on, let's go!
(The four kids continue to follow. They eventually make it to the Stotch Residence, and they see Butters enter his house)
Sam: You guys wait here. I'm going to investigate. Maybe I can eavesdrop on Butters talking to his parents about this.
Bridgette: Alright, be careful.
(Sam sneaks up to the living room window and he sees Stephen and Linda Stotch talking to Stephen's mother, Ethel Stotch about what's going on in the family)
(Ethel is a portly woman in her mid-70s with brown eyes and white hair. She's wearing dark green pants, a green and white sweater with pictures of deer and mountains on it, a pink undershirt, a blue bracelet, and dark green earrings)
Sam: (To himself) That must be Butters' grandmother.
(Inside the house, the adults are continuing their conversation)
Linda: So you visited my cousin Albert last Christmas, Ethel?
Ethel: Why yes, Linda.
Stephen: How's Albert doing, mom?
Ethel: He's doing great. New job is going great, and his daughters are doing well. One is three years old, and the other is about Butters' age, I think.
(Just then Butters comes into the living room)
Stephen: Hey, speak of the devil.
Butters: Hey, guys.
Linda: (Sees Butters black eye) Butters, what happened to your eye?
Butters: That's actually what I wanted to talk about. But, can I talk with grandma about it?
Ethel: Well sure, Butters. (She moves over for him) Come sit next to grandma and talk to her about it.
Butters: (Sits in the spot Ethel made) Uh, mom, dad, can I talk to grandma alone, please?
Stephen: Sure, Butters. We'll go make mom some tea.
Ethel: Some tea would be lovely! Thank you, son.
Stephen: We'll be back.
(Stephen and Linda go off to the kitchen and pass the living room window on the way. Sam ducks down so he's not seen, and when they go into the kitchen, Sam pokes his head back up)
Sam: (To himself) Butters' grandmother seems like a nice person. Kind of reminds me of my grandmother in a way with a love for tea and shirts with deer on them.
(Sam's good feeling goes away as soon as this happens…)
BOP!
(Ethel whacks Butters upside his head, and a wave of terror breaks over Sam. Ethel continues to smack Butters around as she talks)
Ethel: What's up? (Whack!) Huh? (Whack!) You think you're tough, huh? (Whack!)
Butters: (Holds up his hands in self defense) I just…don't want you to pick on me anymore, Grandma.
(Ethel just laughs at that comment. Sam, who is still watching this, is biting his nails due to a nervous reaction)
Ethel: So you really do think you're tough, huh? (Whack!) You don't look fucking tough.
Butters: Uh, I don't think I'm tough, Grandma.
Ethel: No, you're a little faggot!
Sam: (Still watching and talks to himself again) Sweet Jesus!
(The confrontation escalates even more as Ethel grabs Butters by the collar)
Ethel: Got any more money, punk? Huh?
Butters: No, you took it all!
Ethel: (Giggles to herself as she lets Butters go) I did, didn't I? (Giggles a bit more) So why don't you do something about it? (Whack!) Go on, do something you little bitch!
Butters: Grandma, I'm not going to hit you if that's what you mean. I mean, pardon me for saying this, but you're old! I won't feel good about hitting an old person. Especially if it's someone from my family.
Ethel: So you still choose to be a bitch. (Whack!) You're nothing but a little bitch, you know that: Grandma's bitch!
(Sam looks frightened, and he sees Stephen and Linda come back with some tea. He ducks back down, and pokes his head back up after they pass the window)
Linda: Here's some tea, Ethel.
Ethel: (Goes back to being kind and nice) Oh, here's the tea! (Stephen and Linda place the tea on the coffee table) Tea for me, how lucky!
Stephen: I even got you your favorite lemon bars, mom!
Ethel: My, what a treat this is.
(Sam creeps away from the window, having seen enough, and he goes back to his friends)
Kurt: So, Sam, what did you find?
Sam: We have to talk, it's serious! Come on!
(The four friends hurry off to the South Park Inn)
(Meanwhile, at South Park Laboratories, Token, Clyde, Bebe, Annie, and Red enter the building in search for Sophocles)
Bebe: Dr. Sophocles! Are you here?!
Sophocles: We're in here! You may enter.
(The five kids enter Dr. Sophocles lab, and they find him and Cody working on some kind of scythe)
Cody: Hey guys!
Bebe: (Blushes) Hey, Cody.
Cody: Nice to see you guys again. So, what brings you by?
Annie: Well, you know how we fought alongside Sir Justice last week?
Cody: Oh yeah! When we went up against NAMBLA. That was cool.
Annie: We figured what if Sir Justice would like us to help him on missions more often. You know, in case he can't do a mission alone. Plus, we owe it to him for all he's done for us.
Sophocles: Well that's nice. But why are you all here?
Annie: We want to know if you can build us some weapons for us and our friends.
Sophocles: I think I can manage. What do you want me to build?
Annie: The works: Guns, swords, claws, gauntlets, and a shit ton of other things. Just anything that you think can help us. Oh, and they have to be superpowered.
Sophocles: And how many people need these again?
Annie: If we had to guess, we'd say about 25-30?
Sophocles: How much time do you think I have for myself, kids? (He lights a cigarette, and puffs it. He turns around and thinks to himself) These kids are asking for my help, but they're asking quite a lot from me. I don't think Cody and I can handle it alone. (An idea appears in his head and he turns back to face the kids) Tell you what, kids, I'll make your weapons for you.
(The five kids get excited)
Annie: Alright!
Sophocles: However, I'm going to need your help in building them.
(The five kids excitement goes away, knowing that they have to work now)
Annie: (Begrudgingly) Okay, we'll work with you to make these weapons.
Sophocles: Excellent. With the seven of us working on these weapons, we should have them done in no time. So what are we waiting for! Let's roll up those sleeves and get to work!
(The group of seven begin their work on the weapons)
(Meanwhile, at the South Park Inn, Sam is talking with his friends about what he witnessed over some shrimp cocktails that they ordered from room service, and watching whatever is on the hotel T.V)
Bridgette: So let me get this straight, you saw Butters' grandmother beating him up?
Sam: You guys should've seen it. She was brutal, calling him names like faggot, and bitch. She was hitting him every 10 seconds. I've never felt sorrier for a person than I do right now.
Kurt: I don't know, Sam. I mean, the idea of an old lady bullying somebody is a little farfetched.
Bridgette: Yeah. My family and I volunteer at the old folks' home all the time, and they treat me like gold.
Kurt: What we're saying is that we find it hard to believe that a little old lady could be so ruthless. They're supposed to make you feel good, giving you candy, and hot chocolate, and making big feasts on Thanksgiving.
Sam: Kurt, we're not dealing with your grandmother here! I can't believe you guys don't believe me.
Ursula: I believe you, Sammy boy. Evil has no age. It can affect everyone and anyone it pleases. Not only that, but the reality is this: Butters' grandmother comes from another generation, one where it was okay to beat your kids to teach them to be tough. That mentality must've stuck with her over the years, and now she's doing it to her grandson.
Sam: (Points at Ursula) Finally a voice of reason.
Kurt: If Butters' grandmother was bullying him, how would you go about stopping her?
(Suddenly, an ad appears on T.V. It features a chubby man with a bowl shape hair cut, mustache, brown pants, brown shoes, and a blue dress shirt with a red sweater vest. This man's name is Bucky Bailey)
Bucky: Are you getting harassed, teased, or even beaten up by somebody? Do you know someone who is facing a problem like this? Because if you do, you're in luck! Because Bucky Bailey's Bully Buckers is here for you! We here at Bucky Bailey's Bully Buckers make it a personal goal to eradicate bullying permanently. We do whatever it takes to make sure bullying disappears forever. We even do presentations at public schools we care so much! So why are you sitting around like a weak pathetic loser, when you could call us? Because at Bucky Bailey's Bully Buckers, we think bullying is bull-crap! (Threatening tone) You'd better have money!
(A phone number appears on the bottom of the screen and Sam smiles, having come up with an idea)
(The next day at school, the entire school is gathered in the auditorium for an assembly. Sam is sitting in the front row of the bleachers in between Wendy and Butters. The school guidance counselor, Mr. Mackey, steps up to introduce Bucky Bailey)
Mr. Mackey: Okay, students please be seated, m'kay. Thank you all for coming to this assembly. One of our students decided to call Bucky Bailey's Bully Buckers so they can do an assembly about bullying, m'kay. So it's important that you all listen to what this man has to say and not make any disruptions, m'kay. So without further ado, let's give a warm welcome to Bucky Bailey.
(The students and Mr. Mackey clap as Bucky Bailey takes center stage)
Bucky: Hey there, kids, I'm Bucky Bailey. Now, what makes a bully, you might be asking yourselves. Well, the truth is that there are more bullies at your school than you think. And the student who lets bullying happen is just as bad as the bully himself. Come on our, Lorraine.
(A chubby girl with glasses, disheveled red hair, lavender t-shirt, and orange pants that are worn too high comes from the side of the stage)
Bucky: I asked your school mate Lorraine here to help me out. So, tell me, Lorraine, are you bullied in school.
Lorraine: Of course.
Bucky: Do kids pick on you and call you names.
Lorraine: (Nods her head)
Bucky: What do they call you?
Lorraine: Mean things like fatty, and nerd.
Bucky: Really? Do they say, "Nice pants. Why do you wear them up to your tits?"
(There is an awkward silence between Bucky, Lorraine, and the audience)
Lorraine: No, they don't say things like that.
Sam: (To himself) Damn, this guy is no better than Butters' grandma!
Bucky: See, kids, bullying affects everyone. Only if the entire school is united against it can bullying ever be stopped. (He looks at Lorraine) Why are you still here? I don't need you anymore. Get out of here.
(Lorraine leaves)
Bucky: Now, I'd like to do a demonstration on how you can stop bullying. I'd like someone from the audience to come up and help me. (Nobody volunteers) I just need one of you students to come up here and help me in this demonstration. (Still nobody volunteers) What? Are you all chicken? BAWK! BAWK! BAWK! (Nobody volunteers still) Nobody wants to come up and help me? What are you? A bunch of babies? A bunch of chicken babies? (He cries like a baby and clucks like a chicken some more when suddenly)
SPLAT!
(Craig threw an egg at Bucky Bailey)
Bebe: Nice shot, Craig.
Craig: Hey, someone had to shut him up.
Bucky: You! (Points at Craig) You'll be my volunteer. Get your egg throwing butt down here!
(Craig begrudgingly goes down to join Bucky. As that's going on, Butters gets a text on his phone that reads, "Grammy wants to see you in the back of the school, now! (Angry face emoji)")
Butters: Oh hamburgers!
(Butters leaves the auditorium, and Sam follows him with a concerned look on his face. Sam follows Butters all the way to the nearest boys' bathroom. Butters enters it and Sam follows)
Sam: Butters, what are you doing in the boys' room.
Butters: My grandmother is coming after me! She's the one who has been bullying me!
Sam: I know. I followed you home yesterday. I saw the whole thing.
Ethel: Oh did you now?
(Sam and Butters look shocked as Ethel comes out of one of the stalls. This time, Ethel is wearing a long sleeved purple shirt and green pants)
Ethel: I knew you'd try and wuss out, Butters, you little narc. Which is why I decided to wait here until you came.
(She walks over to the door and locks it. She then walks over to a urinal)
Ethel: I heard that somebody brought in an anti-bully counselor. You thought I wouldn't find out, huh you little narc.
Butters: I didn't narc, Grandma. I swear it wasn't me.
Ethel: Well who was it then!?
Sam: It was me!
Ethel: You?
Sam: Yes me! Ethel, I believe your name is, correct? Listen, what you are doing to Butters is wrong. That's why I called in this anti-bullying counselor to get the word out, and hopefully stop this abuse! Granted, I see that was a mistake because he's just as big of a jerk as you are, but my heart was in the right place.
Ethel: Oh, your heart was in the right place, eh? You know what I do to narcs like you who have their hearts in the right place? (She grabs a urinal cake) Well look what I found, it's a narc puck! This is what narcs like you have to put in their mouths. (She looks at it) Oh, it's got piss all over it. Oh well, it'll have to do for now.
(Ethel grabs Sam by the collar of his orange undershirt and attempts to stuff the urinal cake in his mouth)
Sam: (Struggling) Stop it, you old fart! Stop it right now!
Ethel: Stop fighting it and put the puck in your mouth! Put it in your fucking mouth!
Sam: (Struggling) You think this is enough to stop me! This will only make me strong…
(Gets cut off by the sound of a door knocking. Ethel puts Sam down, puts the urinal cake back in its urinal, and opens the door to find the woodshop teacher, Mr. Adler, waiting)
Ethel: (Suddenly nice again) Oh, hello there!
Mr. Adler: Oh, sorry, but this door isn't supposed to be locked.
Ethel: I'm sorry. I needed to use the bathroom and my grandson and his little friend brought me here. Isn't that right, Butters?
Butters: (Sighs) Yeah.
Mr. Adler: Butters you goofball. I'll show you to the girls' room, ma'am.
Ethel: Thank you so much.
(Ethel follows Mr. Adler, and Sam and Butters follow after them…but not before Ethel turns around and threatens them one more time)
Ethel: If I hear that either of you narced on me again, you're fucking dead! Fucking dead, you hear me?
Mr. Adler: (From down the hall) This way, ma'am.
Ethel: Sorry, coming!
(She leaves and Sam stares after her in anger)
Butters: Sam, are you okay?
Sam: Yeah, I'm fine. It's just that something needs to be done about this old bat.
(He goes to the corner of the room and takes a bat that's latched on to the ceiling. He then opens the bathroom window and sets it free)
Sam: Be free, my little bat! You're free!
(The bat flies away and he closes the window)
Sam: Now we're going to take care of your grandmother.
Butters: How are we going to do that?
Sam: The question you should be asking is…How is Sir Justice going to do that?
(Sam leaves Butters alone in the bathroom, who is twiddling his thumbs nervously)
(Later that evening, at the South Park Inn, Kurt, Bridgette, and Ursula are watching T.V in their hotel room, when a knock on the door is heard. Kurt opens it and finds Sam dressed as Sir Justice)
Sam/Sir Justice: What's up, dudes?
Bridgette: Sam, why are you dressed as Sir Justice?
Sam/Sir Justice: I'm going to take down Butters' grandmother and expose her for the monster she truly is!
Kurt: Oh no, not this again.
Ursula: Kurt and Bridgette still think you're overreacting, Sammy.
Sam/Sir Justice: So you still think I'm acting crazy, well prepare to think differently. Come with me!
(The four kids leave the hotel and head for Butters' house. Upon arriving to the house, the four kids head for the dining room window and peek in)
Sam/Sir Justice: Pay close attention.
Kurt: I don't get it. It seems like they're having a normal family dinner.
Sam/Sir Justice: Keep watching.
(Inside the house, the Stotchs are having dinner. Ethel and Butters are on one side of the table while Linda and Stephen are on the other. They're having ham, peas, and mashed potatoes)
(This time, Ethel is wearing her pajamas, a pair of purple pajamas that reads, "Grandma's rule.")
Ethel: Oh goodness gracious me, Linda! This is a wonderful ham you have made!
Linda: Thank you, Ethel. It's a new recipe I've been wanting to try out.
Ethel: Well, it's magnificent. I just love your cooking.
Stephen: Our Linda certainly knows her way around a pork.
(The four kids are watching this from outside)
Ursula: What he just said sounded so wrong to me.
Bridgette: We told you that you were overreacting, Sam. They're having dinner like a normal family.
Sam/Sir Justice: (Sees something going on inside) Hold the fucking phone! What's going on in there?
(The four kids look inside to see Ethel grab her fork as she places it under the table and jabs Butters in the leg with it, causing him to wince in pain. The four kids gasp in shock as they continue to watch)
Butters: (Winces in pain)
Stephen: What's wrong, Butters. Are you okay?
Butters: Yeah, dad. Just a little gassy. (Ethel jabs Butters again, causing him to wince once more)
Stephen: Oh, well don't fart on Grandma. She's trying to enjoy some ham. If you can't hold it, go to the bathroom
Butters: Okay dad. (Winces again)
(Outside, the four kids continue to watch)
Bridgette: (Trying to deny it) Maybe his grandma thinks that Butters has an itch and she's trying to scratch it for him?
Kurt: Bridgette, don't deny it now! Sam was right! This old hag is hurting this kid!
(Back inside the house, the phone rings)
Stephen: I'll get it.
(He leaves his wife, son, and mother alone in the dining room)
Ethel: (Looks around the room for something when she notices a clock on the wall) I say, Linda, is that a new clock on the wall.
Linda: (Looks at it) Oh yeah! Stephen and I got that last month for our anniversary. It's from Germany, I think. Or maybe it was Austria. It's one of those two. Anyway, don't you think it's cute? I just love the adorable canary on the dial, and every hour it chimes.
(Meanwhile, as Linda is talking, Ethel picks her nose with one finger, and her ear with the other. She rubs the finger with boogers on it on Butters' mashed potatoes, while she mixes the finger with ear wax on it into his water. Butters just looks at her confused)
Ethel: (Under her breath) What?
(The four kids are still watching this outside)
Bridgette: I think I've seen enough.
Kurt: Yeah, let's get out of here.
(The four kids leave and regroup in the alley way where Sam fought Max for the first time)
Kurt: I guess you weren't lying, Sam.
Bridgette: Yeah. We're sorry we didn't believe you.
Sam/Sir Justice: It's fine. But right now, we need figure out a way to take on Ethel. That's going to be tricky. I mean, she's an old lady. What do you think will happen to Sir Justice's good name if word gets out that he beats up old ladies?
Ursula: I think you should go over there and teach her a lesson or two. Just make sure she makes the first move in your fight. It's not a crime if you beat her up in self defense, you know.
Kurt: Ursula does make a good point, Sam.
Sam/Sir Justice: That's not a bad idea. Okay, I'll take her on later tonight, and I'll make sure she lands the first hit. But first, I haven't had dinner yet, and I'm in the mood for some ham sandwiches. Want to join me?
Kurt: Sure. We have some time on our hands.
Sam/Sir Justice: Excellent! To the deli!
(The four kids hurry to the deli for some dinner)
(A few hours later, at the junkyard, Damien, Justin, Trent, and Max are watching Sam/Sir Justice on Damien's crystal ball. He is running back to Butters' house to face Ethel)
Justin: Where's Sammy boy off to now?
Damien: He's going to square off with Ethel Stotch of course. (Turns to Max) Max, I don't care if Ethel wins or loses this fight. I've seen enough of her actions. She certainly does have a malicious spirit. Bring her to me so that we may use her.
Max: Yes, my master. (He flies off on his jetpack)
Damien: Everything is going exactly the way I wanted it to. Soon, Ethel will be on my side as well, and then I'll have this town, this state, this country, and then the world on its knees!
(Meanwhile, at the Stotch residence, Linda and Stephen went to sleep, Ethel is in the guest bedroom, and Butters is in his room pacing back and forth, talking to himself, trying to figure out what to do about his grandmother)
Butters: We don't have a choice, Butters. You have to defend yourself! (Switch) But violence is never the answer. Besides, Sam said that Sir Justice is going to help you. You have to trust him, Butters. (Switch) But she's going to kill you Butters! You know she is! (Switch) You're right, Butters! I don't have a choice!
(Butters ends the conversation with himself and goes to his closet to get a box that contains the costume of his supervillains alter ego, Professor Chaos)
Butters: Sorry, Grandma, but you brought this on yourself. I think it's time you met Chaos!
(Butters puts on his costume: gloves, boots, and a helmet made of tinfoil, a green cape, aluminum shoulder pads that are connected by a chain that goes across his chest, and a green tank top)
(Once Butters puts on his Professor Chaos costume, he bursts into the hallway and makes his way to the guest bedroom)
Butters/Professor Chaos: I've been pushed around for the last time! Now I'm coming, and heck's coming with me!
(Butters busts into the room and is shocked at what he sees…Ethel is wearing a supervillain outfit of her own)
(Ethel is wearing a long red cape, a skirt and bra that appear to be made of metal, black boots, black gloves, and a purple neck brace with long purple appendages sticking out of them. This is her alter ego…The Grand Mother (Author's Note: I honestly couldn't come up with anything better))
Ethel/The Grand Mother: Well, look who it is: Captain Pussy! (Laughs) You can't stop me, Captain Pussy. Don't even try. For I am the Grand Mother!
Butters/Professor Chaos: Grandma? But how did you…what?!
Ethel/The Grand Mother: Oh, I got inspired when I came across that gay little costume of yours in the closet. Don't I look, wonderful? (Chuckles warmly before changing her mood) Now come on, Captain Pussy! It's time for you to get your gummy bears!
Butters/Professor Chaos: Oh no! No, grandma, please not…gummy bears.
Ethel/Grand Mother: Come here! (She charges at him)
(Meanwhile, outside the Stotch residence, Sam/Sir Justice finally arrives when he hears Butters' scream of terror)
Butters/Professor Chaos: (From inside the house) Grandma!
Sam/Sir Justice: Butters is in trouble! I have to get in there!
(He looks at the house across the street and sees that the owner left a ladder outside. Sam/Sir Justice grins and runs toward the house. He climbs up the ladder, opens up his wingpack, and makes a leap for Butters house)
Sam/Sir Jusitce: Wings of Heidi don't fail me now! (He takes flight)
(Back in the Stotch house, Ethel/Grand Mother has Butters/Professor Chaos pinned against a wall)
Ethel/Grand Mother: Come on! Stand up for yourself! Fight back! Be a fucking man!
Butters/Professor Chaos: But…I can't. I won't feel good about hitting an old person like you.
Ethel/Grand Mother: Once a Captain Pussy, always a Captain Pussy. Oh well, it looks like you get some gummy bears! (She removes her dentures showing her pink gums) Gummy Bears!
Butters/Professor Chaos: AHHHHH!
(Ethel/Grand Mother gnaws on his left arm)
Butters/Professor Chaos: Eww, gross!
Sam/Sir Justice: (Using his wingpack to fly into the guest bedroom) Leroooooooooooyyyyyyy Jenkiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnssss!
(He busts through the window, causing Ethel/Grand Mother to let go of Butters/Professor Chaos and turn around in his direction. She puts the dentures back in her mouth to talk properly)
Sam/Sir Justice: Enough is enough, Ethel Stotch! Time to face the music!
Ethel/Grand Mother: Who are you supposed to be? General Faggot?
Sam/Sir Jusitce: I am Sir Justice: The bane of evil's existence!
Ethel/Grand Mother: Well aren't you a precious little thing. Tell me, how would you like some GUMMY BEARS!
(Ethel tackles Sam/Sir Justice to the floor, pulls out her dentures and starts gnawing on his left arm. Unlike Butters reaction, Sam/Sir Justice begins to laugh)
Sam/Sir Justice: (Laughing) Stop it! That tickles so much! Ha! Ha! Ha! How can something so gross be so ticklish!
Ethel/Grand Mother: (Disappointed that she's not getting the desired reaction) What is happening! (Gnaws harder)
Sam/Sir Justice: (Manages to get control of himself long enough to launch a counter attack) Fist of Millie!
(He punches Ethel in the face, causing her to get off of Sir Justice. As Ethel puts her dentures back in her mouth, They get up and prepare to fight)
(Cue Bang! Bang! Bang! Have a Nice Dream)
Sam/Sir Justice: What's up?
Ethel/Grand Mother: Oh, now you're asking for it you little shit! I have much more that a pair of gums you know! (Takes out a toy gun) Bran Flake Launcher!
(She fires a barrage of bran flake cereal)
Sam/Sir Justice: (Takes out his paint ball guns) Paintball Barrage!
(He fires a barrage of paintballs)
(Sir Justice you know how it is, Hate to dismiss any mistake, If it ain't right then you must be kiddin', Joke's mislead because you now slippin')
(The two fighters trade blows of paintball and cereal before they decide to face each other in hand to hand combat)
Ethel/Grand Mother: Grand Slam!
Sam/Sir Justice: Fist of Millie!
(Oh believe my dedicated fix, Simply blast it, it ain't a trick, Just one click, then a second click, Rest is oh my goodness you're history (instrumentals))
(The two fighters trade blows with each other again)
Sam/Sir Justice: (To himself) Damn, this old bag is more agile and resilient than she looks.
Ethel/Grand Mother: Nothing like a little hand to hand combat to loosen you up, eh, General Faggot?!
Sam/Sir Justice: You know it Grand Fucker! Justice Roundhouse!
(He round house kicks Ethel onto her bed)
Butters/Professor Chaos: Oh hamburgers! I've got to wake up mom and dad!
(He runs out of the room to get his parents and he lets the two continue their fight)
Ethel/Grand Mother: (Gets out of bed and takes off her cape) Cape Whip!
(Starts whipping Sam/Sir Justice with her cape like you would with a wet towel after football practice)
(Not enough for me to satisfy, any mistakes? Let's clarify. Let's post it to classify,
Find your bad and BOOM BAP BAP, Do it together with my entourage, Please stick your head in the back of the garage, I'm gonna have a sale and sell you cheap, Please get out, you're out of my league! (More remixed voices and instrumentals)
Sam/Sir Justice: Hey, quit it, knock it off!
Ethel/Grand Mother: Yeah, how do you like those apples, punk ass bitch? Yeah, you don't like this at all, do you?
Sam/Sir Justice: (Takes out his lightsaber) Enough! Red's Blade! (He uses the lightsaber to cut her cape to ribbons)
Ethel/Grand Mother: You little brat! Did you know how long it took me to make that cape?
Sam/Sir Justice: Ask someone who cares! (He charges) Justice Jump Kick!
Ethel/Grand Mother: (Grabs Sam by the leg) No, no, no! Not in my house! (Throws him against the wall as Butters/Professor Chaos comes back with Stephen and Linda)
Butters/Professor Chaos: Check it out!
Stephen: Oh my God!
Linda: Oh my!
(Sam/Sir Justice gets up)
Sam/Sir Justice: Is that really all you've got?
(Sir Justice you know how it is, Hate to dismiss any mistake, If it ain't right then you must be kiddin', Joke's mislead because you now slippin'. Oh believe my dedicated fix, Simply blast it, it ain't a trick, Just one click, then a second click, Rest is oh my goodness you're history. You don't really need a history, to entry, just then I'm that soul retreat, Don't get it wrong sir, I'm a sweet treat, BANG BANG BANG BANG, have a nice dream, If it ain't proper its incomplete, You might give a shimmer because you like the heat. Stop takin' chances, it's real steep, Watch where you step, because I'm gonna scream.)
Ethel/Grand Mother: Get fucked, faggot! (She charges) 250 lb Slam!
(She body slams him, but Sir Justice starts to slowly lift her up with his paintball guns)
Stephen: Whoa!
Sam/Sir Justice: Ugh! Ugh!
Ethel/Grand Mother: Give it up, General Faggot. Stop before you give yourself a hernia.
Sam/Sir Justice: I will never…stop! (He manages to lift her up over her head)
Ethel/Grand Mother: Put me down now, you little shit!
Sam/Sir Justice: How about I lift you up higher instead? (His paintball guns begin to charge up their attack) Splatter Blaster!
(Bang! Bang! Bang! Have a Nice Dream! Bang! Bang! Bang! Have a Nice Dream! Bang! Bang! Bang! Have a Nice Dream! Bang! Bang! Bang! Have a Nice Dream!)
(He fires Splatter Blaster, causing Ethel/Grand Mother to go flying through the ceiling and out of the house)
Ethel/Grand Mother: (As she's flying out of the house) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
(She lands somewhere in the woods, and as Max is flying around looking for her, he hears the commotion caused when she landed, so off to the forest Max goes)
Sam/Sir Justice: There you go, Butters. Your problems are over. Sam told me everything.
Butters/Professor Chaos: Thanks, Sir Justice.
Linda: Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on in here?
Sam/Sir Justice: Ethel was abusing your son, Mrs. Stotch. I had to do something about it.
(Linda doesn't look convinced, but Stephen says otherwise)
Stephen: Linda…he's right.
Linda: Stephen.
Stephen: She was abusive. My little brother and I were very different, I liked sports and he didn't, I was the toughest of the two of us and he was the weakest. My mother always singled him out in hopes that someday he would be strong. I wanted to say something, but I was worried that she'd target me as well. I was afraid to stand up to her as a result. I guess mom decided to try and toughen you up the same way Butters.
Butters/Professor Chaos: I guess so.
(Stephen gets on Butters' height level and stares at him face to face)
Stephen: Listen to me, Butters. When you grow up and have kids of your own, don't you ever, ever, treat your kids the way grandma treated you or your uncle. Got it?
Butters: Yes sir.
Stephen: Good. We'll discuss this more tomorrow. Right now, I have to get back to bed. (Turns to Linda) You coming, honey.
Linda: Yes dear. Good night boys.
(The two adults leave the room and Sir Justice is ready to leave as well)
Sam/Sir Justice: Sorry for the damages caused here.
Butters/Professor Chaos: It's okay. I'm just glad you were here to stop my grandmother before she killed me.
Sam/Sir Justice: Yeah. By the way, why are you wearing that?
Butters/Professor Chaos: Oh, this is my super villain costume, Professor Chaos. I was going to take grandma down all by myself if you weren't going to show up.
Sam/Sir Justice: Super villain alter ego? Why, someone like you is more superhero than villain. Try being a hero for a change next time you put on that costume. I promise you that being a hero is more fun and rewarding than being a villain.
Butters/Professor Chaos: Alright, thanks.
Sam/Sir Justice: I must be going now. Have a good night (He leaves through the broken window and walks home)
(Meanwhile, Bebe, Annie, Red, Token, and Clyde are returning home after a hard day of working on weapons)
Clyde: (Yawn) I am so tired. Who knew working on weapons would be such hard work.
Red: I can't believe you said that we'd help Dr. Sophocles, Annie.
Annie: Hey, it's either work and get weapons, or don't work and be useless to Sir Justice. Besides, Bebe doesn't mind.
Clyde: Yeah, but that's only because she wants to see Cody again.
Bebe: No! No! I just believe in the value of hard work! It has nothing to do with Cody good attitude, smart brain, and adorable smile (Blushes and gets this face (X3))
Clyde: Whatever.
(Just then, the five kids pass Sir Justice)
Annie: Hey, Sir Justice!
Sam/Sir Justice: Oh, hello there citizens! How are you doing this fine evening?
Token: We're doing great. Just on our way home.
Annie: Listen, we want to know if you'd like some assistance whenever you go on your missions. We just got back from South Park Laboratories. We were making weapons for ourselves to use so that we could assist you in combat.
Sam/Sir Justice: Sure, why not, you guys can help me out in missions. You guys are good company. Plus, you know what they say, the more the merrier.
(The five kids get giddy)
Annie: Really! Oh boy, thank you Sir Justice! We won't let you down! Next time there's a big mission, just say the word and we'll be there for you. We even asked some of our other friends if they'd want to join in.
Red: We also asked Mr. Slave, Leon, Mr. Testaburger, Mr. Stevens, and even Dr. Sophocles, Cody, and Dr. Mephesto if they'd like a piece of the action.
Sam/Sir Justice: Like I said, the more the merrier. I love the idea of having my own team.
Annie: We're glad you like the idea.
Sam/Sir Justice: I must be heading back to the Hall of Justice, A.K.A, my house. I must bid you all aideu! Justice, out!
(He uses his wrist mounted hookshot and flies off)
Clyde: We are so in, guys.
Bebe: Totally.
(They continue to walk home)
(Meanwhile, in the woods, Ethel is knocked unconscious due to the impact of her landing. It's then that PB-01 Max finds her, and picks her up to take her to Damien)
(We then cut to nothing but black. This is Ethel's POV, and her eyes are closed. We hear Damien, Max, Trent, and Justin talking)
Justin: So this is Ethel, eh? Doesn't look special to me.
Damien: Trust me, Justin. She's as prickly as a cactus.
Trent: She's kind of old, Damien. How do you think she'll be useful?
Damien: I got this, watch. Young fun, peachy keeny, Time Reversal Spell!
(We hear a poof noise)
Trent: Well would you look at that.
Justin: I'll be the son of a gun.
Damien: Max, put this spare robe of mine on her. She's going to need it since whatever she had on before won't fit her anymore.
Max: Yes, my master.
(We hear clothes rustling and Ethel wakes up as we see her eyes open. She looks around to see the junkyard at nighttime, and she sees Justin, Max, Damien, and Trent looking at her)
Damien: Did you sleep well?
(Ethel begins to talk, but her voice sounds a lot younger)
Young Ethel: Uh, who are you? (Gets shocked with her voice) Is that my voice?! What happened? Where am I?
Justin: You are in South Park Junkyard, Ethel. And as far as what happened to you is concerned, take a look.
(He gives her a shard of a broken mirror, Ethel looks into it and sees that she's 10 years old again)
(Young Ethel is much skinnier now, with actual teeth instead of dentures, she's still sporting brown eyes, her hair is now a pretty blonde color with pigtails, and she's barefoot wearing one of Damien's spare robes)
Ethel: (Shocked at her young self as we cut back to third person view) AAAAAHHHH! I'm 10 again! How did this happen!?
Max: Master Damien ordered I come find you so we can bring you here.
Damien: I did. So, you just got back from a fight with Sir Justice?
Ethel: That's right. How did you know?
Damien: My crystal ball sees everything. Anyway, you're not alone. Do you see these three who stand right next to you? Meet Trent Boyett, Justin Powers, and PB-01 Max. They too have fought Sir Justice and came up short. Now all they want is revenge. So I told them to join forces with me, and together we'll crush Sir Justice.
Ethel: And now you want me to join you, that's why you brought me here?
Damien: Exactly. So what do you say, Ethel, do you want to join us. If you join us, this whole world could be yours for the taking.
Ethel: Hmm…what the hell. Let's do it! Besides, it's been a while since I had a body quite like this one! I'll use this opportunity to give it a little test drive!
Damien: That's great news. Our circle is complete! Now, let's focus on how we're going to take on Sir Justice. Max, I think you'll be fine since you're a walking-talking armory. But then there's you three. (Thinks for a bit) Trent, you still like fire?
Trent: You know it.
Damien: Great, stay still. (Opens his spell book and conjures up another spell) Dire Fire, Pyro for Hire: I bestow upon you pyrokinesis!
(A beam of red light envelops Trent and his hands catch fire. Everytime he punches, fire balls come out)
Trent: Now this is where it's at!
Damien: Ethel, you're next.
Ethel: Do I get fire powers too?
Damien: I have something else in mind. Where there's hot, there's got to be cold. (Looks into his spell book and conjures up another spell) Breezy Freezy, Bold Cold: I bestow upon you cryokinesis!
(A beam of blue light envelops Ethel, and when she snaps her fingers, a bunch of icicles appear. She points in a certain direction and the icicles go that way)
Ethel: Now that is cool…no pun intended.
Justin: Uh, hello, what about me? Don't I get a special power?
Damien: I have something very special in store for you, Justin. Come here.
(Justin comes up to Damien)
Damien: Now open your mouth and say, "Ah!"
Justin: (Opens his mouth) Ahhh…
(Gets cut off when Damien starts feeding him a very long chain. You hear Justin coughing and gagging as the chain goes in his body. Eventually, all of the chain has entered Justin)
Justin: (Pant) What did you just do to me?
(Suddenly, Justin feels a sharp pain all over his back)
Justin: Ugh, my back! What's happening?
Damien: You'll see…
Justin: Oh! It hurts! Augh! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Eight long chains burst out of Justin's back as if they were tentacles)
Justin: Much better. (Turns around to see the chains) Whoa!
Damien: Now you can control those chains on your back to however you see fit.
Justin: (Smirks) Excellent.
Damien: Okay, we all have become stronger than we were before. Now all that's left is taking down Sir Justice once and for all. It's time for the curtain to rise on this, the climax of our little play. The resolution…the ultimate downfall of Sir Justice!
(The group of five laugh evilly as thunder crashes over the area)
TO BE CONTINUED...
(Credits theme: Bakusou Yume Uta from Soul Eater)
(Yotei chouwa wo kechirasu noizu iru youni katto niramu gankou. Shinobikonda gareeji de yumemiteta ano koro to kawaranu haato. Sou kyou to onaji ashita nante konee ze ore binkan ni bakusou. Utau shinzou kanaderu biito ikiteiru tashikana akashi wo.)
(Shot #1: Stephen, Linda, Butters, and Sam are out posting missing posters of Ethel. They figured even though she was a piece of shit, she's still family. As they're doing that, Stephen is talking to Butters about how he witnessed his brothers' abuse and continues to lecture him about how it's not okay to beat children. Butters nods as Stephen talks)
(Te ni shite ha ushinatte te ni shite ha ushinatte. Utsurou toki no naka de hito shirezu namida shita yoru mo.Subete ha koko ni atte subete ga tada jibun de.
Sousa mada ikeru hazu daro)
(Shot #2: Justin and Trent are walking down the street in disguises, trying not to arouse suspicion. They are carrying bags full of groceries. As they walk, they pass Stan, Cartman, Kyle, Kenny, Bebe, Heidi, Red, and Annie. Justin and Trent try and resist the urge to pounce on them. They then pass two police officers who are on patrol for them, and the two officers don't suspect a thing when passing them. Justin and Trent sigh)
(Kegarenaki hikari ga yamiyo wo tsuranuite
Kono toki ga towa da to ima inochi ga sakenderu
Hora kokoro no oku ni itsumo kimi ga utsuru yo
Mamorubeki shinjitsu wo tada daiteyukunda
Riyuu nantenai sa furueru tamashii yo aa)
(Shot #3: Bucky Bailey is walking around down town, and he hears something coming from the alley way. He decides to check it out, and he finds Sam dressed as Sir Justice and Butters dressed as Professor Chaos. They are cracking their knuckles, ready to take him down. Before Bucky Bailey could leave the alley, Sir Justice and Professor Chaos drag him back in and beat the crap out of him)
(Koukai ha nai nante daitai uso sa tsuba to basu shadou
Ukeirero sono bun tsuyoku nareba ii sa karamawatte mou ichido
Sou kyou no jibun wo gomakaseru hodo kiyou janee kizuku to
Ima omou kanjiteru kitto kotae nante arya shinai kedo)
(Shot #4: Sam is at the carnival with Wendy, Kurt, Bridgette, Ursula, Red, Annie, Bebe, Leon, Cody, Butters, Heidi, Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and Kyle. They get on a roller coaster, and promptly ride it, with Heidi trying to resist the urge to vomit)
(Deatte ha wakarete deatte ha tsunagatte
Yorisou seishun no kirameki yo taai nai hibi de sae mo
Subete ha koko ni atte subete ga utsukushikute
Demo mada tatakatteru kara)
(Shot #5: At South Park Laboratories, Sophocles, Cody, Bebe, Token, Clyde, Annie, and Red are hard at work making weapons like swords, guns, and claws. But then there's random stuff like heat vision goggles, boxing gloves, and a boom box among other things. As they are working, Bebe is fawning over Cody, but while hammering a nail, she accidentally smashes her hand, causing some tears to pour out of her eyes. Cody grabs the first aid kit and comes to Bebe's aid. She is clearly very happy to have Cody take care of her)
(Kurikaesu mainichi no aranami ni nomaretemo
Mada yume kara samenu oretachi ha koko ni iru
Itsumo kikoetekuru nakamatachi no koe ga
Kodoku wo furiharau youni tokai no kaze no naka
Tada iku shikanai sa shinjita ikiyou wo aa)
(Shot #6: Butters is telling his story on how Sir Justice saved him to the entire school at lunch time. Everyone listens carefully and nods, as they are very interested in the story. Wendy looks over at Sam, and Sam just shrugs his shoulders at her in confusion)
(Samayoinagara Nanika wo kaeteiku tameni kawaru yuuki wo
Soshite nakushichainai nanimo kawarazu ni iru tsuyosa wo)
(Shot #7: At South Park Junkyard, Justin, Ethel, Trent, and Max are training for when they face Sir Justice again. Damien is pleased with their progress)
(Kegarenaki hikari ga yamiyo wo tsuranuite
Kono shunkan ga eien da to ima inochi ga sakenderu
Hora kokoro no oku ni itsumo kimi ga utsuru yo
Mamorubeki shinjitsu wo tada daiteyuke)
(Shot #8: Damien is in a dark part of the junkyard, and he gets out a piece of paper and a quill pen. He begins to write a letter, laughing maliciously as he does so)
(Kurikaesu mainichi no kouha ni nomaretemo
Mada yume kara samenu oretachi ha koko ni iru
Itsumo kikoetekuru nakamatachi no koe ga
Kodoku wo furiharau youni machi no kaze no naka
Tada iku shikanai sa shinjita ikizama wo aa
Riyuu nantenai sa furueru tamashii yo aa)
(Final Shot: Sam, Kurt, Bridgette, Wendy, Butters, and Ursula are helping Mr. and Mrs. Testaburger with setting up a party at the Testaburger Residence. Pumping up balloons, getting music ready, and getting coolers full of drinks and food. When it's done, Mr. Doug Testaburger gives everybody sodas for their hard work. They clink soda cans, and promptly drink them)
Question of the Chapter: How glad are you that Sam/Sir Justice beat up Ethel, Butters' Grandma?