The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints: Episode 6: Killing Me Harshly With His Song
(Note: Every chapter from this point on is going to take place 8 years after the events of the first five chapters, so characters like Sam, Wendy, Butters, and their friends are 18 years old now. Like I said, it's Time Skip time. If you want to know what each character looks like as teenagers, refer to the previous chapter)
(It's a calm Saturday night in mid-April in South Park, and a man that appears to be in his late 20s early 30s leaves Skeeter's Bar. He begins to walk home, smoking a cigarette as he walks. He looks up into the night sky, happy to see such a beautiful night, the moon and stars shining brightly down on him. He couldn't help but let out a content sigh. It's at this moment when he hears the music of a Gibson Les Paul guitar coming from an alleyway. The melody is calming and nice to listen to. The man gets a dazed look on his face, as the music is hypnotizing him)
Man: That music! I must listen closer!
(He goes into the alleyway to listen to the music, but when he enters, the music stops and the man snaps out of his hypnotic daze)
Man: What am I doing here?
(He turns around to leave the alleyway, but he is then met with a shadowy figure. The figure is pointing a gun that's attached to the back of the guitar's headstock at the man's head)
Man: What the hell is…
(Before the man could finish the sentence, the figure fires his guitar-gun, blowing the man's head clean off his shoulders. Blood spurts everywhere. The figure picks the man's decapitated corpse up, takes out a flask, and pours blood from the man's neck into said flask. Once he has enough, the figure closes his flask and leaves the alley way as we hear the figure talk)
Figure: Damien…he shall be revived!
(Intro song: Resonance by T.M Revolution)
(The intro starts with the town of South Park, and a teenaged Damien looks down on the town from atop a hill)
(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara? Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka?)
(Enemy soldiers dressed in black are attacking the town and spreading chaos and destruction)
(Roku ni me mo awasazu unmei ni made karandeku Yukisaki moro kabutteru kuenai yoru wo hashire)
(The main characters that include teenaged Samuel/Sir Justice, Kurt/Smith the Kid, Bridgette/the Singing Angel, Ursula/Samurai of Light, Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress, Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens, Kenny/Mysterion, Cartman/Coon, Butters/Professor Chaos, Stan/Tool Shed, Kyle/Human Kite, Craig/DJ C-Rage, Tweek/Peppy Prince, Token/Tupper Wear, Clyde/Mosquito, Red/Madame Knight, Heidi/Fatal Feline, Annie/Darling Dame, Leon/Beo-Wolf, Mr. Slave/Glamorous Gardener, Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens, Doug/Cerulean Viper, Cody/Mr. Gentleman, Dr. Sophocles, and Mephesto and his genetic experiments charge into the town ready for the fight of their lives. They all fight off the soldiers)
(Fukaoi shisugita mabushisa ga warui yume ni tsuzuite mo)
(Damien appears along with his 13 commanders (4 of which are Trent, Justin, Ethel, and Max). Our heroes look at each other, smirk, pull out their weapons and fight)
(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka? Deatta wake wa dou datte ii mikitsukerarete Fureta shunkan no kizu no fun dake tashika ni nareru)
(Damien steps forward ready to face our heroes, and they prepare to clash as the title of the fanfic, "The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints" appears)
(We cut to a news report from Tom Thompson)
Tom Thompson: This is Tom Thompson here with some breaking news! Late last night, Mr. Drake Goldroy of South Park, CO was found decapitated in an alley way not far from Skeeter's Bar and Grill! It is unknown who the perpetrator is as nobody was around to see the crime take place. Although, we did get an interview from Skeeter himself, as he heard the gunshot from inside his bar. Here is what he had to say…
Skeeter: (Being interviewed) Drake was my last customer before I had to close up shop for the evening. As I was cleaning the last of my beer mugs, I heard the gun shot, and came running to where the sound came from. It was then I saw Drake's decapitated corpse just rotting there. I was unable to see who did this, but I just hope that whoever did this dies a thousand horrible deaths! (Interview ends)
Tom Thompson: And there you have it! In other news, today marks eight years since the battle at South Park Cemetery shook the town to its very core! (Footage that Millie and Kevin took of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints fighting Damien and his gang is shown on the corner of the screen) Yes, this midnight marked 8 years since the great battle! South Park's very own Justice League, the South Park Saints, took on five dangerous hoodlums. One of which was the son of the devil himself, Damien. The leader of the group, Sir Justice, managed to take Damien's spell book and seal him in the depths of hell, hopefully to never return! To this day, the South Park Saints are still defending this town and fighting for what is right. A few questions arise from this, however: Who are the South Park Saints? Where did they come from? And what are these heroes doing right now at this very moment?
(It's the Sunday before Spring Break. We cut to 18 year old Samuel Cooper, who is riding down the street on his motorcycle. The motorcycle is a dark red Harley-Davidson. As Sam is cruising down the street he sees that he needs some gas, so he stops by the gas station to get some. He fills up his tank, and heads inside the store to pay for the gas. The person at the cash register is none other than 18 year old Clyde Donovan)
Sam: 'Sup, Clyde!
Clyde: Hey, Sammy, what's going on?
Sam: Nothing much. The old Harley needed some gas. Here's a good $20.
Clyde: Thanks, bud. So I guess you're on your way to Cody's place in South Park Hills?
Sam: Yeah. Everyone should be there. It is the 8 year anniversary since we put Damien away after all. Are you coming?
Clyde: You know it! I get off of work in ten minutes, so I'll catch up with you as soon as I wrap things up here.
Sam: Sounds good, pal! Peace!
(He leaves the mini-mart, hops back on his motorcycle, and rides off for South Park Hills)
(Upon arriving to South Park Hills, Sam looks to see that his friends have beaten him to the party as he sees all of their cars parked in front of his mansion)
Sam: It seems they've started the party without me. Oh well.
(Sam parks his motorcycle and marches up to Cody's front door. He knocks, and 18 year old Cody Oppenheimer answers)
Cody: Hey, Samuel, old sport! You made it!
Sam: What's up, bud?
Cody: Come along, everyone is in the back.
(Cody leads Sam to the backyard where he finds the South Park Saints, not including Clyde who has yet to arrive, but including Millie and Kevin, socializing and having a great time as they are listening to Red Hot Chili Pepper version of Love Rollercoaster)
Cody: Eight short years! That's how long it's been since we all fought against Damien and sealed him away.
Sam: Don't forget about Trent, Justin, PB-01 Max, and Ethel.
Cody: That's right. We haven't heard much of those ruffians in eight years either.
Bebe: (Comes up to the two boys) Hopefully they all got the death penalty…especially Justin!
Sam: Oh, hey Bebe!
Cody: Ah, Bebe, my darling! How are you enjoying the party?
Bebe: I'm having such a great time, sweetie!
Cody: Good to know (He kisses her). I was just talking with Samuel about how it's been eight years since the showdown back at South Park Cemetery.
Bebe: Yeah. Honestly, it feels like just yesterday we sealed Damien away. Not a lot has happened in regards to criminal activity since then. I mean, yeah, we get the occasional bank robbery or kidnapping, but since that day at the cemetery, it's a rare occasion when we bust out our superhero personas.
Sam: But whenever we do put on our costumes, oh boy, what a rush! Anyway, as long as we're talking about things that happened eight years ago. It makes me happy to see you two together after eight years. I mean, you guys have been boyfriend/girlfriend since you were 10.
Cody: (Blushes) I guess our love is a thing that endures. It's like wine, it gets better with age.
Sam: You two are good for each other, mainly because of the similarities you all share. I mean, both of you are these nice Spoiled Sweet type characters, you both have swords as your weapon of choice, and before you guys met each other, you had plenty of "insignificant" others. There's no easy way for me to say it, but you guys are each others' gender counterpart.
Cody: Hmm, we didn't notice it until you mentioned it. But, yeah, my beautiful flower and I do share some similarities. Maybe that's why we love each other so much, and maybe that's why Bebe is the best girlfriend I could ever ask for.
Bebe: Awww, Cody.
Sam: (Giggles to himself) Save the PDA for later, kids. There's a party going on right now, and I'm ready to mingle.
Clyde: (Comes in behind Sam) WOOOO! Who is ready to par-tay!
Sam: I'm ready to party, are you ready to party Cody!
Cody: I'm ready to party, are you ready to party, darling?
Bebe: I'm ready to party, are you ready to party, Clyde!
Clyde: I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay, Sammy?
Sam: Oh, ho, ho! I'm ready to party, are you ready to…
Cartman: (Comes up to the group of four) Are you guys seriously quoting Spongebob? What are you, nine years old?
Sam: There's nothing wrong referencing cartoons from yesteryear, Cartman.
Cartman: Glad to see you made it to the party, Sam.
Sam: Thanks, bud.
Cartman: Let's go to the buffet table and get you some food. Follow me.
(Sam and Clyde follow Cartman to the buffet table, where he finds Ursula, Bridgette, Kurt, Annie, and Red chilling out and conversing)
Sam: What's up, guys!
Bridgette: Hey, Sam! You made it!
Clyde: Hey, baby!
Bridgette: Ah, Clyde, my stud!
(They hug each other)
Sam: So, what do we have to eat here, gang?
Kurt: (Working on some food at the grill) Well, I could cook you up a nice bacon cheese burger, or some shrimp kabobs. But, if you aren't feeling too adventurous today, I always have hot dogs.
Sam: How about all of the above, good buddy?
Kurt: Coming right up! (He gets cooking)
Annie: (Chewing on a burger) Wow, Kurty, this burger is delicious!
Kurt: Thanks, babe. A little recipe that I got out of my mom's cookbook. The key is to make sure that you flip the bacon at exactly 10 minutes: not a second more or a second less, and then you let the other side cook for the exact amount of time so that the strips cook evenly.
Ursula: Heh, that's our Kurt. Always paying attention to his cooking down to the last detail.
Kurt: An aspiring chef like myself needs such a skill if he's going to get anywhere in this world. An aspiring chef also needs one very important ingredient.
Red: (Under her breath) Oh, he'd best not say the important ingredient is lo…
Kurt: I make my food with love!
Red: (Under her breath) Of course.
Bridgette: What's wrong with cooking with love, Red? Everything tastes better with the stuff.
Ursula: Things also taste better when you share. (Holds out the rest of her shrimp kabob at Red) Want the rest of my kabob, Red?
Red: (Flustered) Oh, uh, no I'm fine, thank you.
Sam: Something wrong, Red?
Red: I'm fine, Sam. Really I am.
Sam: Okay. Kurt, give me a call when my food is ready, okay bro?
Kurt: Got it, buddy!
(Sam explores the party some more, leaving Clyde and Cartman at the buffet table. Sam decides to go over to the game corner. The adults (Doug, Jeffrey, Mr. Slave, Sophocles, and Mephesto) are playing horseshoes, Wendy, Token, Butters, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are playing some volleyball, Kevin and Millie are watching these games, and Leon is taking a nap on the hammock)
Sam: (Walks up to the hammock and nudges Leon) Don't you know it's dangerous to fall asleep at a party, Leon? You never know what'll happen to you.
Leon: (Yawns) Relax, buddy. It's not like I'm at a party with total strangers. I know you guys.
Sam: Even still, I wouldn't recommend it.
Leon: Alright, fine. You sound like my mother.
Sam: Don't even compare me to your mother, Leon. First of all, I'm much more attractive.
(Leon just laughs at that comment)
Butters: (Hits the volleyball too hard and it's flying towards Sam) Heads up, Sam!
Sam: Heads up yourself!
(Sam spikes the ball back to the field)
Token: Nice serve, Sam!
Sam: Thanks, bro!
Sophocles: Hey, Sam! Over here!
(Sam goes over to the adults, who are taking a break from their horseshoes game)
Jeffrey: (Hands Sam a can of soda) Here you go.
Sam: (Takes the soda) Thanks, Mr. Stevens.
Jeffrey: Please, you can call me Jeffrey. You can even call me Jeff if you want.
Sam: Really?
Jeffrey: Sure. I've known you for about 8 years now. It's okay.
Doug: Yeah, and you can call me Doug instead of Mr. Testaburger.
Mephesto: You don't have to adress me or Sophocles by Doctor anymore if you don't want to either.
Mr. Slave: And me, Sam, you can address me by my first name, Alex.
Sam: Alex?
Alex Slave: Yeah, Alexander T. Slave…(Blushes) The T stands for Tiffany.
(Sam and the other adults try and hold back laughter)
Alex Slave: That's enough! Jesus Christ!
(Kevin and Millie walk up to Sam and the adults)
Sam: (Turns to Sophocles) You wanted to see me, Sophocles?
Sophocles: Yes. I've managed soup up everyone's weapons in some way shape or form so they can pull off new and more powerful moves. For example, the jewel on Cody's staff now has the ability to fire energy blasts, Kyle can now launch harpoons from his kite, and Heidi can run fast when she activates the red discs on her paws.
Kevin: You gave Heidi the ability to move fast? Doesn't she have motion sickness?
Millie: No, she got over it recently, Kev. That's why she decided to get a speed power up, in celebration of her getting over her motion sickness.
(Dr. Sophocles gives him some uzis with orange jewels on the sides)
Sophocles: See the orange jewels? If you press on them, they'll start up a new attack called Falcon's Blast.
Sam: What does it do?
Sophocles: When the time comes, you'll see.
Sam: Thanks, doc.
Sophocles: No problem.
Craig: (Calling him from the center of the backyard) Sam, over here!
Sam: Be right back, gang! (He hurries over to the center of the backyard, where Tweek, Craig, and Heidi have set up a stage for him) What's up, guys?
Heidi: We figured that since you're the one who saved us from our respective dangers, and you're the leader of the South Park Saints, you should make some kind of speech since this is the 8 year anniversary we sealed Damien away.
Sam: Not a bad idea. Though, I didn't come up with a speech.
Craig: Don't worry, it'll come to you.
Tweek: I'll get everyone's attention. (Clears his throat) Excuse me, everyone! Can I have your attention, please! Hello?! (No one listens to him) LISTEN UP, PEOPLE! (Everyone turns their attention to the stage) Thank you. Everyone, our man of the hour, Samuel "Sir Jusitce" Cooper, has a few word he'd like to share. So please, a round of applause.
(Everyone claps)
Sam: Thank you all! You know, it feels like just yesterday I was saving you all from the likes of Trent, Justin, NAMBLA, and Ethel, and you all fought alongside me to stop Damien. Because of us, South Park, and maybe even the world, is a safer place! We did good guys, and I'm proud of us. So it is from the bottom of my heart that I say, thank you for your support and help over the years! Let's keep South Park crime free forever!
(Everyone cheers)
Sam: That's all I have to say so…let's dance!
(Cue Feel This Moment by Pitbull ft. Christina Aguilera)
(One day when the light is glowing, I'll be in my castle golden. But until the gates are open, I just wanna feel this moment. Ohhhhhhhh! I just want to feel this moment! Ohhhhhh! I just want to feel this moment! (Instrumentals))
(We see a montage of everyone danceing, eating food, and playing games. We then cut the sun setting as the party has ended. The party guests, and Cody's servants, are cleaning up, but Millie is leaving early)
Sam: Where are you heading, Millie?
Wendy: Yeah, aren't you going to help us clean up?
Millie: I'd like to stay and help, but I have a ticket to the big show tonight.
Wendy: What big show?
Millie: (Clears her throat) Get ready when I tell you this, but tonight Tobias Shredder will be performing live at Denver's Pepsi Cola Stadium!
Sam: Wait, Tobias Shredder?! This generations music sensation that's sweeping the nation? The man that single handedly revived the rock n' roll genre of music?! Is that the guy you're talking about?!
Millie: Oh yes!
Sam: Dude, I've been a huge fan of his for years! Did you know he started his music career before he even graduated middle school?! This dude is a rock and roll legend in Colorado! Can I come too?
Millie: Sure, why not.
Wendy: Can I come too.
Cartman: Looking to follow Sam around, Wendy? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a crush on him.
Wendy: No! No! I just feel like Sam and I drifted apart recently, and I want to hang out with him.
Cartman: Whatever you say. Anyway, am I welcome to join you guys?
Millie: You guys can come if you want to…but you're going to have to buy your tickets at the box office when we get there.
Cartman: Worth it.
Millie: Okay, to anyone else that wants to tag along, step forward right now!
(The following people step up: Kevin, Kurt, Ursula, Red, Annie, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Butters, Craig, Tweek, Leon, and Alex Slave)
Millie: (Turns to everyone else) You guys don't want to come with?
Cody: No thanks. I'm not a big fan of rock n' roll.
Token: Pass.
Doug: Have to go over taxes.
Bebe: Unless Lady Gaga does a duet with this Tobias guy, I'm not interested.
Bridgette: Choir practice later tonight.
Millie: (Shrugs her shoulders) Suit yourselves. (Turns to the friends that are going with her) Come on, everyone, let's go!
(The 17 people leave and head off for the Denver Pepsi Cola Stadium, while the remaining people get ready to head for home)
Jeffrey: I'm going to head home. I guess I'll see you there, Bebe?
Bebe: Yes, daddy.
Jeffrey: Okay. See you later.
(He leaves, and Doug and Mephesto follow)
Token: So, what do you guys want to do now?
Clyde: Do you guys want to go to the cemetery?
Token: What in God's name could be at the cemetery?
Clyde: I don't know, but it could be cool!
Token: (Confused) It could be cool?
Clyde: Yeah. That and it's been eight years since our little tiff with Damien and his crew. I figured we can take this opportunity to take a stroll down memory lane.
Heidi: I'm in.
Bebe: Yeah, me too.
Cody: I don't want to leave my uncle Sophocles to clean up this mess.
Sophocles: You guys go on ahead. The servants and I will handle the mess.
Cody: Thanks, uncle. I appreciate it! Okay, let's go!
(The group head for the cemetery. Upon arriving at South Park Cemetery, they head straight for where they fought Damien and company)
Bridgette: It's hard to believe that eight years ago, we put our lives on the line fighting on this very ground. I'd like to thank Jesus that we are all still alive and well after that day.
Bebe: (Goes over a tree that has one of her knives stuck in it) Whoa, one of my knives are still here!
Cody: Want me to take it out for you, babe?
Bebe: No. I want it to stay there as a reminder of what we all did that night.
Cody: Okay. But real quick, let me do something. (He takes out a pocket knife and carves his and Bebe's initials into the tree)
Bebe: Aww, sweetie.
Cody: Love you, darling.
Clyde: (He looks at them and then grabs a flower from a nearby gravestone, and gives it to Bridgette) Here you are, Bridgette, my sweet.
Bridgette: (Chuckles) Clyde, you're not slick. I know you grabbed that from another gravestone.
Clyde: Okay…you got me.
Bridgette: Oh my dear Clyde. We've been together for at least four years now. You should know by now that I don't view gifts as a way of showing love. You show love to me by kissing and hugging me each time we meet each other. That's all I need to know that you love me.
(She hugs him and kisses his cheek)
Heidi: (Looks at the two couples) You four are so adorable together! I wish I had someone to love like that.
Token: (Clears his throat) You know, Heidi, I've been feeling lonely since Nichole broke up with me a few months ago. Now I'm looking to get back in the dating scene. If you're interested, I have a coupon for free breadsticks at Pizza Hut if you want to do something later.
Heidi: (Blushes and tries to ignore him) Uh, I'll think about it. (She then sees a strange black crypt not far from where the six kids stand) Hey guys, check this out! (She goes up to the crypt and the other five kids follow) I don't think this crypt was here a few weeks ago.
Clyde: I don't think so either.
Bridgette: Wait a minute! Isn't this the exact place where Sam sealed Damien away eight years ago?
Heidi: I think you might be right.
(Insert flashback of 10 year old Sam/Sir Justice sealing Damien away here)
Heidi: Do you guys think Damien is inside this crypt?
Bridgette: There's a high possibility. Should we check it out?
Token: I don't think so. Even if we wanted to, we can't. It looks like there's some kind of barrier blocking the entrance.
(He points at a red barrier that's blocking the entrance. The barrier has some kanji written in it)
Bebe: There's some Japanese letters on it. I can't read it!
Cody: Good thing I always carry around my Japanese-English Dictionary! (He takes the dictionary out of his pocket)
Clyde: You actually carry around a Japanese-English Dictionary with you?
Cody: That's right. You never know when you'll need it!
Clyde: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bud.
(Cody starts flipping through the pages on his dictionary, and looking back at the kanji letters. After a while, he's able to translate)
Bebe: What's it say, babe?
Cody: It reads: "This barrier will only open when the 13 stones are destroyed, and Damien can only be freed when the blood of 100 mortals are injected into his orb by one of the eight advocates that have been chosen.
Bebe: What does that mean?
Cody: I don't know. But all of this deserves some kind of analysis. I'll do some research as to what all of this means, and then I'll meet you all again when I've learned more. Okay?
Five kids: Yes!
Cody: Right. Farewell!
(The six kids go their separate ways as we cut to Sam and his merry band of friends at the Tobias Shredder concert in Denver. They got their tickets, some snacks, some souvenir clothes, and make their way to their seats in the front row)
Stan: Holy crap, I can't believe we got seats in the front row!
Red: I know, isn't it great!
Tweek: Craig, you got the video camera ready?
Craig: That depends, you got the lighters and glow sticks?
Tweek: You know it! (Takes out lighters and glow sticks)
Craig: Then yeah, I brought my camera! (Takes out his camera) I'm going to record the whole show, and with any luck, maybe I'll get shots of girls flashing!
Ursula: So, question, is this the type of concert where women allowed to throw their panties up on stage at any moment?
Millie: (Already holding her own panties over her shoulder) If so, I'm already one step ahead of you all.
Craig: (Blushes and purposely drops a glow stick) Hey, Millie, can you get that for me?
Millie: Ursula?
Ursula: On it. (She grabs Craig's glow stick, causing him to frown)
Millie: Nice try, perv!
(The lights then dim in the stadium: The show is about to begin! Tobias band members, a drummer and a keyboard player, begin to play as Tobias Shredder himself emerges out from smoke that's causes by a smoke screen)
(Tobias Shredder appears to be in his late-20s/early-30s. His black hair has an Elvis style haircut, and he's wearing a black leather jacket with the words, "Shred 'Em Up" sewn onto the back, and he has black jeans with black high top sneakers. He also has brown eyes with black sunglasses covering them. Tobias comes on stage with his blue and white Gibson Les Paul Guitar)
Tobias: Hello, Denver! Make some noise!
(Everyone cheers)
Tobias: Let's get ready to rock! Hypnotic Melody! Cheer, my peeps, cheer!
(The crowd cheers some more. We then cut to about two hours after the show starts, and everyone is still having a great time)
Craig: (Filming the show) Tobias! Over here! Look over here!
Tweek: (Waving a lighter back and forth)
(Kurt has Annie on top of his shoulder so she can get a better look at the concert)
Kurt: Having fun up there, darling?
Annie: Of course I am! Thanks for doing this, honey!
Kurt: No problem!
(Red is enjoying the show)
Red: This is awesome!
(She hugs Ursula tightly)
Ursula: Enjoying the concert, Red?
Red: Yes I am!
Ursula: I can tell because of the way you're holding me!
Red: Oh, I'm holding you? Sorry. (She lets go and blushes)
(Mr. Alex Slave is enjoying the show quite thoroughly)
Alex Slave: Woo! Tobias Shredder! (Flashes his man breasts at him) Woo!
(Tobias Shredder walks to the front of the stage)
Tobias: (Holds the microphone out to the audience) Can my ladies make some noise!
(The girls begin to cheer)
Wendy: Woo!
Millie: Right here, Mr. Shredder!
Annie: Up here, Tobias!
Urusla & Red: Over here, Tobias! We love you!
Butters: (Jumps up and down) There are also men in the crowd tonight! Involve us!
Leon: (Also jumping up and down) Give my fifteen minutes of fame, bud! Right here!
Tobias: Which one of you ladies would like to party with me tonight like it's 1999?
(The ladies in the audience cheer louder as Tobias looks into the crowd)
Tobias: My oh my! Lot of babes in the audience to choose from! But which one do I want?
(He then looks down in the front row and tries to choose between Wendy, Red, Annie, Millie, and Ursula. Eventually he points at…)
Tobias: (Pointing at Millie) You there in the lime green sundress! Come up on stage and be my Candy Girl!
Millie: Oh my god! He chose me! (Turns to her other four female friends) Come on and join me!
Annie: (Tears up due to jealousy) No. He wants you!
Millie: Okay! (She jumps on stage with Tobias)
Tobias: Tell me sweetness, what's your name?
Millie: The name's Millie.
Tobias: Ah, such a beautiful name for a beautiful babe! Now let's groove tonight! (She kisses Millie's hand causing her to blush)
Annie: (Under her breath as she tears up even more) I hate her so much right now.
Kurt: (Tries to calm her down) Easy there, Annie.
Kyle: Leave her be, Kurt.
Kenny: Yeah. She's just peanut butter and jealous!
Annie: Shut it! I'm not jealous.
Alex Slave: I am! (Yells at Tobias) When is it the men's turn to go up on stage?!
Sam: (Chuckles) Down boy, heel!
(On stage, Millie is dancing with Tobias on stage. She is having a grand old time up there with him, after all, it's not every day where you dance with a celebrity on a stage in front of thousands of people)
Tobias: (Enjoying Millie's movements) I would say you give love a bad name, but damn you a sexy chick! (Millie giggles)
Tweek: (Yells to the audience) That's our friend up there! You all jelly?!
Kevin: Calm down, Tweek. I don't think they care.
(Millie continues to dance with Tobias. She even begins to get close to him. So much so that she starts to grind on him, shocking her friends)
Wendy: Is she grinding on him?
Stan: Yup.
Tobias: (Blushing) Oh, you're stirring something up in my land down under! (Chuckles) Would you like to hang out with me backstage, Millie?
Millie: Sure, I'd love to! But if you're going to do to me what I think you're going to do…don't hesitate to be rough.
Tobias: Oh, I won't hesitate at all, because you're love is my drug, sweetie! (He turns to the audience) Let's hear it for Millie everybody! The queen of rock n' roll! (The two of them go backstage as the concert ends)
(Sometime after the concert ended and everyone has gone home, Sam and his other 15 friends are still waiting for Millie to come back to them)
Sam: (Yawns) Where the hell is Millie. It's been an hour and half since she went back stage with Tobias.
Cartman: Maybe she was up for more than one round if you know what I mean?
Kurt: (Comforting a sleeping Annie on his lap) Or maybe Tobias is having his personal chef make her a delicious meal. I bet he has his chef make all kinds of meals back there. If so, I want to see what kind of fancy cutlery he's using!
Kyle: Well my parents told me to be home 2:30 A.M at the latest, and it's almost 1:30. Maybe we should go back there and check on her.
Red: Good call.
(The group head backstage. But Wendy sees a pair of red polka dot boxers on stage. She picks them up and remembers that her friend Sam has underwear just like this)
Wendy: Sam, put your underwear back on!
Sam: No!
(As our heroes head backstage, they see Tobias, his crew, and Millie getting ready to board Tobias' bus. Our heroes go up to Millie)
Millie: Oh, hey guys.
Kyle: Come on, Millie, it's time to go.
Millie: Yeah, here's the thing…I'm not going with you guys.
Alex Slave: Say what now?
Tobias: She's saying…Na, na! Na, na, na, na! Hey, hey, hey! Goodbye!
Ursula: Wait! Millie, are you going with him?!
Millie: Hell yeah! Tobias is a great guy! He knows how to treat a woman, and he's quite the charmer.
Butters: Okay, right now, this is turning out like every domestic abuse documentary I've ever seen. He's the Ike to your Tina, the Bobby to your Whitney, the Chris to your Rihanna!
Millie: Are you done?
Butters: Yeah, I'm done!
Millie: Guys, I love you all, but this is my life to live! Besides, I'm 18 years old now! That legally makes me an adult, so I have the freedom to move out of my parents house whenever I want. That day is today my friends. Besides, if I get with a popular rock star like Tobias, then I'm set for life! I'll never have to work again!
Craig: Millie, don't do this! You're making a big mistake!
Tobias: (From inside the bus) Hey, baby, you coming?
Millie: Yes, my handsome virtuoso! (Turns to her friends) Well, I'm out of here! So long, suckers! I'm on my way to the good life!
(She boards the bus and it takes off)
Wendy: So I guess that's it.
Leon: Yeah, Millie's gone, never to return to us again.
Sam: Darn shame…I got dibs on any video games she has!
Leon: Oh no you're not!
Annie: Any make-up she has is mine now!
Wendy: In your dreams!
Alex Slave: Give me all of her CDs. Especially any CDs that have Justin Timberlake, One Direction, or the Jonas Brothers.
Red: I get the t.v in her room!
(As the group continue to fight over Millie's possessions, we cut back to Cody's mansion in South Park Hills, where Cody is taking it upon himself to do some research in his personal study on what he saw at the cemetery. With bottles of sparkling water and a plate of fudge brownies next to him, he switches from looking at his books to looking at the computer)
Cody: (Chewing on a brownie as he looks on the computer) Eight advocates? Blood of mortals? 13 stones? What does this all mean? (He clicks a link to a website and reads it) It's customary that when a believer in the satanic faith dies due to blood loss or heart problems, other devil worshipers gather the blood of 100 mortals and inject said blood into the dead person in hopes of reviving the person. Hmmm…
(He takes a sip from his sparkling water and reads from a book)
Cody: In ancient times, whenever someone is sealed away with some black magic, and a barrier is blocking the path to the sealed one, 13 stones appear in random locations around the world. If all 13 stones are destroyed, the barrier will be broken, and anyone can enter the resting place of the sealed one.
(He eats another brownie as he looks on the computer again)
Cody: But what's with the eight advocates bit? (He clicks on a link and reads the website) If the person in need of the mortal blood is one of Satan's children, then Satan himself will have his eight advocates embark on a mission to inject the blood into wherever his child his resting. Satan also chooses eight new advocates every 10 years or so, and his last selection occurred in the year 2016. (To himself) So this is the 9th year he has these eight advocates.
(Author's Note: Since this is a time skip, the events from this chapter onward will take place in the year 2025)
(He grabs another book titled, "Devil's Advocates Throughout the Years." Sam flips through the book and goes to the most recent page, "2016-presnet". The page he lands on…is a page of Tobias Shredder)
Cody: Tobias Shredder?! That rocker?! He's an advocate of Satan! (He reads the book) Tobias Shredder was a musical prodigy ever since he was a kid. He started his career in middle school, and proved to be very competent in juggling music and his studies. When he graduated high school, however, he couldn't get his band off the ground. It was then that he made a deal with the devil, saying that he'll make him famous if he becomes an advocate for him! (He stops reading) Unbelievable! Rock star over here is working for the devil! This isn't good.
(Meanwhile, in some unknown location, Tobias' bus is pulled over on the side of the road. They decide to rest for the night. The bus driver, Millie, and Tobias' band members are asleep on the bus, but Tobias decided to step out. He walks down the road with his guitar/gun hybrid as seen earlier, when he finds a hitchhiker walking down the road)
Tobias: Hey there!
Hitchhiker: Hey, aren't you Tobias Shredder?!
Tobias: That I am, dear friend.
Hitchhiker: What are you doing here?
Tobias: I'm on my way to Miami for my next big gig! But tell me, sir. Do you like my face?
Hitchhiker: It's a handsome face, why?
Tobias: Because I want it to be the last face you ever see! (He takes out his guitar/gun and fires it, taking the hitchhiker's head right off. Tobias then takes out a flask, and pours the hitchhiker's blood into it as he chuckles to himself) Don't worry Damien, I'll give you blood, blood, gallons of the stuff! You'll be revived soon enough. (He walks back to the bus).
(We cut to the next morning at Annie and Kurt's workplace, which also happens to be Annie's family business, Knitts' Bakery. Annie and Kurt are busy filling the display cases with delicious treats as they are having a discussion about what happened last night)
Kurt: I'm a little worried about Millie. I mean, I understand that she's 18 and she's allowed to make her own decisions, but running away with some rock star isn't exactly what I call a smart decision. Not to mention she still has to graduate high school!
Annie: It's not our place to judge people by their decisions, Kurty.
Kurt: I know sweetie, but I'm just worried.
Annie: I know what'll cheer you up. How about a round "Would You Rather"?
Kurt: Eh, sure.
Annie: Okay, would you rather be stranded on a deserted island, or would you rather be stranded in space.
Kurt: Do people know I'm stranded on an island or in space.
Annie: Nope.
Kurt: What do I have to survive in either scenario?
Annie: Nothing. There are no plants or living beings on the island and there is no food for you in space.
Kurt: Do I have a means to contact others in either scenario?
Annie: Nope.
Kurt: You know what, I'd say I'd rather be stranded in space, just so I can say that I saw the planet Earth from a distance before I die.
Annie: You know, that's interesting, I'd also say that I'd rather be stranded in space.
Kurt: Okay, now I have one. You could either become a billionaire at the cost of your arms and legs, making you limbless, or you could be super strong and have a clean bill of health but live in a cardboard box on the street.
Annie: Let's see now (She thinks when the door to the baker opens. It's Red)
Red: Hey guys.
Kurt: Hey, Red! What brings you by?
Red: I just wanted to talk to you two about something. When do you two go on break?
Annie: Very soon actually. Just take a seat over there and we'll be right there.
(Red takes a seat near the window, and about five minutes later, Annie and Kurt come and sit with her)
Kurt: So, what's up?
Red: Okay. There's something very important that I have to tell you all. Something that is life changing for us all, but mostly me. So brace yourselves when I tell you two this because it's going to be one wild ride. Here we go! Kurt, Annie…I think I might be a lesbian, and I think I'm in love with Ursula! There I said it!
Annie: To be honest, Red, we kind of knew you were a fan of the woman.
Red: Wait, you did?
Kurt: Yeah. We see the way you react whenever Ursula is around. You get all flustered and confused. You get twinkles in your eyes. You hug her at complete random. I've seen it before, and not just with gay couples.
Annie: You've seen Red's behavior before?
Kurt: Yeah. If I'm not mistaken, it's the same behavior you had when you first met me.
(Insert flashback to when Annie met Kurt in Prologue 4: Butterballs complete with I Just Died in your Arms Tonight, here)
Annie: Oh right. Sorry about that.
Kurt: Don't worry about it. Actually, you were kind of cute when you acted flustered around me.
Annie: (Blushes and giggles)
Red: Believe it or not, you two are the first people I've ever came out to. I haven't told my parents yet.
Annie: Why not?
Red: Because I'm afraid of what they'll say when the find out I'm gay. For the past 18 years, they think that I'm a fan of the man…but really I have eyes for that pink canoe.
Annie: Pink canoe? What's that?
Kurt: See, babe, the pink canoe is what some men call…well…how do I put this.
Annie: Oh, is it the vagina?
Kurt: Yes, it is the vagina.
Annie: Anyway, I wouldn't worry about what your parents would do when you tell them about your sexuality. If they loved you, they wouldn't care if you were straight, gay, bi, trans. You're their only daughter, and I'm sure they'll always love you no matter what.
Red: I suppose you're right. I'm going to go face them right now and tell them exactly.
(She leaves, and holds the door open for Cody, who enters the bakery holding some papers and his books)
Kurt: Hey, Cody! What's up!
Cody: I'm holding a meeting here after the research I've done about Tobias Shredder.
Kurt: Tobias? Yeah, he was pretty cool. You missed one hell of a concert, bud.
(Suddenly, the likes of Sam, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, Heidi, Kevin, Butters, Craig, Tweek, and Token enter the bakery)
Cody: So I guess you guys are the only ones coming?
Sam: Yeah. We tried to get in contact with the other saints, but they were all busy.
Heidi: So, why'd you call us all here, Cody?
Cody: Late last night, I managed to dig up some information about Tobias Shredder. (He shows his 12 friends his research)
Stan: Whoa, what is all of this?
Cody: It turns out our favorite rock star is one of the devil's advocates. As one of the devil's advocates, he's been giving the responsibility of harvesting the blood of 100 mortals. The blood is necessary to revive Damien! Not only that, but at the cemetery, we saw a crypt that had its entrance blocked by some kind of barrier. In order for that barrier to be broken, Tobias needs to break 13 stones that are scattered around the world. If the stones are destroyed, then the barrier will go down, and Tobias can enter the crypt and revive Damien. The same goes for the other seven advocates.
(Everyone is shocked at the information presented)
Butters: Oh hamburgers! This is serious!
Kyle: So, Cody, do you know who the other advocates are?
Cody: Here's the thing. I brought that book at a yard sale last month, and when I looked, the pages after Tobias have been ripped out, so I have no idea who these other advocates are. All I know is that Tobias is not to be trusted. He's trying to freaking revive Damien!
Cartman: Great, just great! We have sick fucks like him trying to revive Damien, and worse yet, Millie ran off with Tobias after the concert last night.
Cody: Millie is with Tobias!
Cartman: That's what I said!
Cody: This is not good! Now we have to worry about her. Okay, moving right along: The reason I called you all here is because I have this!
(He takes out a piece of paper that has Tobias Shredder's tour schedule)
Tweek: What's that?
Cody: That, my friends, is Mr. Shredder's tour schedule. It says here that Tobias will be performing in Miami tonight. We're all going to go there and teach this guy a lesson or two. If we leave now, we should be there before he performs.
Token: Bro, do you even realize how much plane tickets to Miami cost? Especially plane tickets for over 10 people and on such short notice.
Cody: Who said we'll be taking public airlines?
Sam: What are you getting at, dude?
Cody: Follow me to South Park Airfield, and you'll see.
(Everyone but Annie and Kurt leave)
Kurt: Gee, we'd love to come with you all, but Annie and I still have work.
Annie: We'll be there in spirit though, guys! So, good luck!
Kurt: Kick ass and take names!
(At South Park Airfield, Cody takes his comrades down a runway to the Oppenheimer private jet: A white plane with a gold stripe going across and the Oppenheimer family crest on its wings)
Cartman: Whoa, nice plane Cody!
Cody: Thanks! (Opens the door to the plane) Get in, everybody, watch your heads!
(Everyone enters the plane and Cody introduces his friends to the pilot)
Cody: Everyone, this is my pilot Bernard! Bernard, this is everyone…mostly.
Bernard: How you doing?
Craig: Can't complain.
Cody: Get to Miami, Bernard, as fast as you can!
Bernard: Yes sir!
Cody: (Gets in a seat as does everyone else) Buckle up, everyone! This is going to be one wild ride!
(With that, the jet takes off for Miami. Meanwhile, we cut to Tobias and his crew, who have pulled over at a rest stop not far from Miami. Millie is inside the rest stop store getting snacks for the last leg of the trip while his driver is fueling up the bus. Tobias is smoking a cigarette, and his band mates, the drummer and the keyboard player, get off of the bus holding one of his flasks, and they decide to come up and confront him)
Tobias: What's up, dudes?
Drummer: Well, Tobias, it's a funny thing. I was hoping to get a quick buzz on before we played tonight, and I found one of your nifty little flasks. I look inside and I find this!
(He holds out the blood filled flask as Tobias looks inside it)
Keyboard player: Care to explain why you have a flask filled with blood, dude?
Tobias: Well, uh, the funny thing is that…I forgot to tell you all that I'm a diabetic. And I need those blood samples for testing.
Drummer: Really? Then why haven't we seen you take insulin?
Keyboard player: And why would you use flasks instead of designated test tubes for blood samples.
Tobias: Uh. I have a secret I want to tell you guys. Can you guys come closer.
(The drummer and keyboard player inch closer)
Tobias: A bit closer. (They inch closer) Too close, can you step back an eensy bit? (The back up a bit) Good. Listen, I'm going to have to cut you guys from the band because I wish to fly solo.
Drummer: Is that right?
Tobias: Yeah. And while I have 50 ways to say goodbye, there's only one way that I'd personally like to say goodbye.
Keyboard player: What's that?
(Without missing a beat, Tobias takes out two big needles, and sticks them in the chests of the keyboard player and the drummer, and starts draining their blood)
Drummer: T-T-Tobias…
(The two band members fall to the ground dead)
Tobias: Goodbye, my fellow band mates. It was a fun ride. And I wish I could turn back time to the good old days. But flying solo is much more fun.
(He puts the blood filled needles in his pockets, throws the corpses of his band mates into the woods, and runs back onto the bus to fill up two more flasks with blood. He puts the two flasks, and the one his band members found, in a mahogany cabinet full of them. He counts them, and there are 99 flasks in all)
Tobias: One more remains.
(The driver and Millie come back)
Millie: Hey, Tobias. Where's your band mates?
Tobias: (Starts to lie) You're not going to believe this babe, but they up and left me. Saying they quit the band.
Millie: Aw, sweetie. I'm so sorry. (She hugs him)
Tobias: It's okay. I can manage a solo career. Trust me. I'm the jack of all trades, honey, we'll be alright.
Millie: I know we will be. I believe in you, baby.
(Millie continues to hug Tobias as the bus takes off for Miami)
(Meanwhile, in the skies above Miami, Cody's private jet appears out of some clouds)
Bernard: Ladies and gentlemen, we will begin our initial descent in Miami!
Heidi: (Looks out the window and sees the beaches) Wow, Miami! It's so beautiful!
Tweek: (Looks out the window with her) I know! Can we go on a guided tour, guys?
Sam: Pay attention, guys, we're not here to see the sites! We're here to find Tobias Shredder and take him down!
Token: (Looks out the window on the other side of the plane and sees Tobias Shredder's tour bus) There's the tour bus!
(Everyone looks to see the tour bus)
Cody: It is! (Turns to Bernard) Bernard, can't you land this plane faster!?
Bernard: Sorry, master, but I need to find a landing area in the airport, and right now they all appear occupied.
Cody: Damn it! We don't have time to waste. (He goes to a chest and pulls out everyone's superhero costumes. He gives each costume to the respective saint. Kevin doesn't have a costume, but he'll get something even better) Here, everyone! I've taken the liberty to clean and press all of your costumes! (He takes a suitcase and gives it to Kevin) Kevin, here are the DNA samples you wanted Dr. Sophocles to get for you.
Kevin: Thanks, Cody.
Cody: Alright, let's gear up!
(Everyone changes into their respective superhero outfits)
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Okay, here's the plan. Sam, Kyle, Craig, and Butters! You four fly after Tobias' tour bus. When it stops, call me on my cell phone and give us his exact location. The rest of us will stay here and wait for Bernard to land the plane.
Kyle/Human Kite: Sounds good.
Sam/Sir Justice: (Opens up his Wings of Heidi) Let's do it!
Craig/DJ C-Rage: (Has his boom box morph into a jet pack) I'm ready!
Butters/Professor Chaos: (Turns on anti-gravity boots that Dr. Sophocles made) Game on!
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Everyone hold onto something! I'm about to open the door!
(Everyone grabs onto something and Cody opens the door, allowing Sam, Kyle, Craig, and Butters to fly out of the plane)
Sam/Sir Justice: (Turns to the rest of his crew on the plane) See you all in a bit! (Turns to his other three comrades) Come on, let's go!
(The four boys fly through into the city of Miami. A bunch of the citizens point up at the sky to see the four boys fly past all of the tall buildings. As they are chasing after the bus, Butters is waving down at everyone)
Butters/Professor Chaos: Hey everyone! The South Park Saints of arrived!
Kyle/Human Kite: Calm it down, Butters.
Sam/Sir Justice: Yeah. Don't forget we're supposed to be on a mission!
Butters/Professor Chaos: I know, I know…killjoy. But these anti-gravity boots sure are amazing!
(The four boys continue to chase down the bus and they see it heading for an area of the city that has a bunch of warehouses)
Craig/DJ C-Rage: Hey, it's heading for those warehouses!
Sam/Sir Justice: (Takes out his phone and calls Cody)
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Talk to me!
Sam/Sir Justice: Cody, they're heading for the warehouses down by the shore!
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Yeah, I got a glimpse of those warehouses before we made our descent. We just landed and we're heading for you position right now!
Sam/Sir Justice: Great, see you there! (He hangs up and sees the bus stop at the warehouses) The rest of the gang has landed! Now it's time that we land!
Kyle/Human Kite: Roger that!
(The four boys continue to make their way to the warehouses. Meanwhile, Tobias is getting off of his tour bus and makes his way towards one of the warehouses labeled "Warehouse 49")
Tobias: Wait right there, babe! I'll be right back. I just have to get some more band equipment from this here warehouse.
Millie: Okay!
(Tobias leaves and enters the warehouse)
Driver: Ms. Millie, I'm going to take a little walk. I'll be back.
Millie: Go ahead.
(The driver leaves. It's at this moment that Millie decides to look around the tour bus. She first looks at the fancy mahogany cabinet)
Millie: I wonder what's in there? I'm sure Tobias doesn't mind if I take a look.
(She opens the cabinet and finds all of the flasks)
Millie: Wow, he sure does have a lot of flasks.
(She takes a flask, opens it up and sees blood inside of it)
Millie: (Sniffs the blood inside the bottle) Is that blood? What is all of this?
Tobias: (Appears behind her) So now you know…
(Millie turns to face Tobias and he immediately grabs her, causing her to scream. Meanwhile, Sam, Butters, Craig, and Kyle, meet up with everyone else sans for Bernard who is watching the plane)
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: We finally made it.
(Everyone takes a look around)
Stan/Tool Shed: So warehouses? This is as generic as an evil villain hideout can get.
Heidi/Fatal Feline: I know, so generic. Meow!
Kevin: I don't care about the hideout, as long as Tobias is here. Now then, time to get my beast on! (He takes a needle out from his case of DNA samples and injects it into himself. After a painful transformation, Kevin's arms turn into bear arms) It's almost unbearable how handsome I look with bear arms.
Sam/Sir Justice: Yeah…you look…great.
Millie: (From a distance) Help me!
Sam/Sir Justice: Millie!
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: It sounds like she's in trouble! We've got to move!
(The follow the sound of Millie's voice in hopes of saving her. Meanwhile in one of the empty warehouses, Tobias has finished tying Millie up to a chair. Millie struggles to break free, but to no avail)
Millie: Tobias! Why are you doing this!
Tobias: All for the sake of reviving Damien, my sweet! See, what I didn't tell you was that I am one of the devil's advocates. So my job is to make sure that I have the blood of 100 mortals. With that blood, I can revive him and free him from his prison! You, my little Millie Vanillie, have the honor of being my 100th flask full of blood. That's right, I only need one more flask full of blood before the first part of my quest is complete.
Millie: First part?! What's the second part?
Tobias: Like I'd tell you! You're going to die anyway!
(He turns on a machine. That machine has to long tubes with needles sticking out of it. Tobias is going to use that machine to suck Millie's blood up)
Millie: Tobias, please don't do this!
Tobias: Sorry, toots, but this is the way it's gotta be! Besides, I'm a famous rock star, and you're a small town girl. It would never work between us! (He chuckles evilly as he prepares to stick the needles into her chest. Millie shuts her eyes anticipating the worst) DIE!
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: (From outside the warehouse) Fantasia of Riches! (A blast of red energy comes through the wall and it's the machine, turning it off)
Tobias: What the hell! (He turns to see the South Park Saints ready to save the day. The attack came from the ruby on Cody's staff)
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Knock, knock!
Tobias: And just who are you?
Sir Justice/Sam: We are the South Park Saints! And I believe you have a friend of ours?
Tobias: The South Park Saints? You mean you're the jokers that sealed Damien away? Heh, now I've seen everything!
Token/Tupper Wear: We know what you've done Tobias Shredder!
Butters/Professor Chaos: If that is your real name!
Tobias: Of course not! It's a stage name!
Butters/Professor Chaos: Oh, really? Well what's your real name?
Tobias: As if I'd ever tell you superzeros! I'm just going to kill you all in the end!
Sam/Sir Justice: We'd like to see you try! (He charges at him and pulls out his lightsaber) Red's Blade!
(Tobias pulls out his guitar/gun and blocks the attack! There's not even a scratch on the guitar when Sir Justice jumps back)
Tobias: (Chuckles warmly and strums his guitar) I've got a feeling that when I start playing…you're all just going to DIE! (Starts firing numerous rounds from his gun and everyone ducks to dodge the bullets) Rock and roll is here to stay! You're not!
Heidi/Fatal Feline: Enough! (She pressed the pads on her paws and starts running on all fours super fast) Cheetah Speed, baby! Meow! (She eventually makes it to Tobias) Kitty's Claws! (She scratches him in the face before Tobias could even react)
Tobias: Bad kitty! (He kicks Heidi in the crotch and whacks her in the face with his guitar)
Coon/Cartman: Why you! (He jumps up) Raccoon Slam! (He attempts to slam down on Tobias, but Tobias blocks with his guitar, and Cartman falls down)
Tobias: (Points his gun at Coon) Let the bodies hit the floor!
Craig/DJ C-Rage: (His boom box morphs into arm cannons) Decibel Destroyer!
(He fires an orange blast of energy at Tobias and it hits him before Tobias could launch his attack. Tobias gets knocked on his ass)
Kevin: I'll get Millie! (He runs towards Millie to free her, but Tobias gets up and aims his guitar/gun right at Kevin)
Tobias: Bolero of Bullets!
(Sam/Sir Justice jumps in front of the attack)
Sam/Sir Justice: Annie's Shield! (He opens up his shield and blocks the attack)
Tobias: I'm gonna break that shield! Bolero of Bullets with Gusto!
(He fires the bullets harder and some dents are being made in the shield)
Tweek/Peppy Prince: Hyper Voice!
(He yells into his megaphone causing loud sound waves to erupt from it. The sound is so loud that the windows to the warehouse break. Tobias ceases his attack, allowing Token to launch a counter attack. Token grabs a canister full of a green substance and he throws it at Tobias)
Token/Tupper Wear: Jelly Fling!
(The green canister explodes on Tobias, trapping him in green jell-o)
Coon/Cartman: Green Jell-o? Really?
Token/Tupper Wear: Just shut up and attack him!
Coon/Cartman: Got it!
(Anyone with ranged attacks gets ready to attack)
Sam/Sir Justice: Here I come! (He presses the gemstones on his uzis and they start to glow) Falcon's Blast! (He pulls the trigger and a falcon made up of orange light emerges from the guns)
Kenny/Mysterion: Oddity Grenades! (Tosses three grenades with green question marks on them)
Token/Tupper Wear: Volatile Volley! (Tosses a red canister)
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Fantasia of Riches! (Fires a red blast from his staff)
Craig/DJ C-Rage: Treble Torpedoes! (Fires missiles from his boom box)
Tweek/Peppy Prince: Celebration Cannon! (Fires fireworks)
Heidi/Fatal Feline: (Takes a yarn ball and puts a stick of dynamite in it) Epic Yarn! Meow! (She throws it)
Kyle/Human Kite: 1,000 Degree Stare! (Fires a heat blast from his goggles)
Stan/Tool Shed: Hammer Cannon! (Fires a blast of energy from his hammer)
Butters/Professor Chaos: Electro Ball! (Fires balls of electricity from his fingertips)
(All of the attacks hit Tobias with full force)
Tobias: BWAAAAAHHH! HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(The smoke clears and Tobias is knocked unconscious)
Sam/Sir Justice: Game over scrub!
(Kevin uses his bear claws to break the ropes that were confining Millie. Millie is now freed)
Millie: Thank you, Kevin.
Kevin: My pleasure!
Tweek/Peppy Prince: Well, that's mission accomplished!
Kenny/Mysterion: Yup! Millie is free, Tobias is dead. Let's go ho…
(Suddenly, Tobias gets up very angrily)
Tobias: Where do you think you're going with my 100th blood sample, punks?!
Cartman/Coon: How is he still fucking alive after that!? How!? How!?
Stan/Tool Shed: It's anime logic, Cartman. You can take as many rounds of bullet fire as you want and you can still get back up and fight. I don't get it either!
Kevin: Damn it, just die, fuckabilly! (He runs up to him and he attempts to slash Tobias with his bear claws, but Tobias dodges all of the attacks)
Tobias: Shame, boatloads of shame! (He whacks Kevin with his guitar, knocking him to the ground)
Sam/Sir Justice: Millie, head for the airport, we'll meet you there!
Millie: Okay!
Kevin: I'll escort her there and make sure she gets there safe and sound!
(Kevin and Millie leave as the rest of the saints get ready for round 2)
Tobias: You're unbelievable. I'll give you kids that much. (Walks over to a crate) But now it's time to say so long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye!
(He places his guitar down on the floor, and with the clap of his hands, it turns into a giant motorcycle with Gatling guns on its sides. The color scheme is orange with a red and yellow flame decal)
Sam/Sir Justice: Now that is a motorcycle!
Tobias: You like it? It's got everything! Like a driving power with big fat tires and everything! And you know what, it looks even better up close! Flame on!
(The tires of his motorcycle light on fire and he charges at the saints, who dodge out of the way just in time)
Butters/Professor Chaos: What the heck is happening?!
Kenny/Mysterion: Looks to me like Tobias is doing his best Ghost Rider impression.
Tobias: Can Ghost Rider do this!? Rondo of Bullets! (He fires bullets from the Gatling guns on the sides of his motorcycle, but our heroes dodge again)
Heidi/Fatal Feline: Come on, guys, let's put an end to this ruffian! Meow! (She activates her paw pads again) Cheetah Speed! Meow! (She charges at Tobias)
Tobias: Catch me if you can, kitty cat! (He drives off just as Heidi was about to swipe at him with her claws)
Heidi/Fatal Feline: A little game of cat and mouse, eh? Count me in! (She gives chase to Tobias and his motorcycle, but every time she tries to attack him, Tobias drives away)
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Wow, replace Tobias with one of those lazer pointers and you have every funny cat video ever on the internet.
Heidi/Fatal Feline: (Still chasing Tobias) Get back here! Come on! (Gets more and more winded as she goes on) I'm gonna get you (Pant!) Only a matter of…(Pant)…of time. (Pant) Oh God! (She collapses) So winded. So tired! Meow! I'm sorry guys. I failed!
Sam/Sir Justice: Don't get down on yourself, Heidi. You're just approaching it the wrong way. I say we all huddle up and come up with a plan!
Heidi/Fatal Feline: Okay.
(The saints huddle up and formulate a plan)
Tobias: So, can I kill you all now or when you're done with your little pow wow?
(The saints release their huddle and get ready to fight)
Sam/Sir Justice: Alright, let's do it!
Tobias: Come on!
(Tobias' tires ignite again and he charges at them)
(Cue Hot Wind Blowing from Metal Gear Rising Revengeance)
(Our heroes dodge out of the way of the motorcycle)
Sam/Sir Jusitce: Everyone, get ready to attack!
(Everyone scatters around the warehouse and fires their best ranged attacks at Tobias, but Tobias dodges them all)
Sam/Sir Justice: Keep up the pressure, guys! Hit him hard!
(The hot wind blowing. Jagged lines across the sand. The crumbling buildings. In our minds are all that stand. Just like the buffalo blindly following the herd. We try to justify all the things that have occurred. I don't know what I've been told, but the wishes of the people can't be controlled. I don't know what I've been told, but the wishes of the people can't be controlled.)
Tobias: (Laughing maniacally as he dodges all of their attacks, leaving any and all explosions from these attacks behind him) Ride, ride, ride, let it ride! You can't catch me, kiddies!
(Tobias keeps dodging all of the attacks, taking an occasion shot from his Gatling guns, but our heroes dodge the bullets as he fires them. Eventually, Tobias rides up to one of the corners for the warehouse)
Tobias: Time to back it up like a Tonka truck.
Stan/Tool Shed: I wouldn't be so sure, boy-o!
Tobias: Huh?
(Tobias turns around and sees that the 11 Saints have him surrounded)
Sam/Sir Justice: Yeah! My plan worked!
(Heat of the desert. Dust settles on my face. Without a compass. The soldier knows no disgrace. Out of the ashes. The eagle rises still. Freedom is calling to all men who bend their will)
Tobias: This was your plan the whole time? To corner me!
Sam/Sir Justice: Yup! And now, Tobias, it's time to put an end to your tour of destruction!
Tobias: Fuck you, you Batman rip-off!
Kenny/Mysterion: Uh, nope, that's me.
Tobias: Who asked you?! I'm gonna mow you bastard's down! Starting with Coon face over there!
Token/Tupper Wear: (Insulted) Hey!
Heidi/Fatal Feline: I believe he means Cartman, Token.
Token: Oh, right.
Tobias: Ready or not, here I come! (He speeds towards Cartman/Coon, who takes out a big cleaver from his pocket)
Cartman: Rodent's Cleaver! (He blocks the entire motorcycle from running him over)
(Here I am! Dirty and faceless, waiting to heed your instruction! On my own! Invisible warrior, I am a wind of destruction (Instrumentals))
(Tobias and Cartman enter a power struggle with each other. With one yell, Cartman puts more force on the bike, causing it to flip over, causing Tobias to go flying across the warehouse. The broken bike reverts back into a broken guitar/gun)
Coon/Cartman: He's off the bike! Someone get this bastard now!
Sam/Sir Justice: I'll take care of this scumbag! After all it is my fanfiction.
Tweek/Peppy Prince: Did he just break the fourth wall?
Craig/DJ C-Rage: Yup.
Sam/Sir Justice: (Steps up) It's over Tobias! It's time you face the music!
Tobias: (Takes out some pistols from his pocket) No! I'm not done yet! I have one more shot! One more round! End of the night you're going down!
(He begins firing the bullets at Sir Justice, but he dodges them thanks to the use of Cody's speed boots)
(We fight for justice in a forgotten place. Fulfill our duty then vanish without a trace. Don't need a medal for all the men we killed! Freedom is calling to all men who bend their will! WE ARE THE SAINTS BITCH!)
Sam/Sir Justice: (Continue to dodge the bullets until Tobias runs right out of them)
Tobias: Damn it all!
Sam/Sir Justice: Out of ammo, huh? That's a shame…for you! But for me, it makes my job a lot easier!
Tobias: No, stay back!
Sam/Sir Justice: Time I give you an attack from Millie with love! (He charges at Tobias)
Tobias: Stop…STOP!
Sam/Sir Justice: FIST OF MILLIE! (He punches Tobias so hard that he's knocked unconscious) That's all folks!
(End song)
Kyle/Human Kite: Nice work, Sam!
Sam/Sir Justice: Thanks! Heidi, can I see one of your yarn balls?
Heidi/Fatal Feline: Sure.
(Sam takes the yarn ball from her and wraps Tobias up with it. He then gives the wrapped up Tobias to his comrades)
Sam/Sir Justice: You guys take Tobias back to the plane so we can turn him in back home. I'll go look for the blood he's collected on the tour bus and dispose of it.
Butters/Professor Chaos: Okay, Sam, we'll see you back at the airport.
(Everyone goes their separate ways. Sam boards the tour bus, sees the mahogany cabinet, and finds the blood filled flasks. It's then that he takes all of the flasks and dumps the contents into the ocean, getting rid of the blood once and for all)
Sam/Sir Justice: (Stares at the flasks as they sink into the water) Not the most efficient way to get rid of the blood, but it's out of the way. Time to go home. (Stares at the sunset over the horizon) Thank you, Miami, good night!
(He walks off to the airport)
(Meanwhile, back in South Park, Kurt is over at Annie's house for date night, and he's cooking her favorite dish: Chicken parmesan with spaghetti noodles)
Kurt: (From the kitchen) Dinner will be ready in a few moments, my love!
Annie: Thanks, sweetie!
(Suddenly, a knock on the door occurs)
Annie: I'll get it.
(Annie opens the door and finds a depressed looking Red at the door)
Annie: Hey, Red, what's up?
Red: (Sigh) Well, I've told my parents about my sexuality.
Annie: That's great!
Kurt: (Places the dinner dishes on the dining room table and looks in Annie's direction) Who is it, hon?
Annie: It's Red. She told her parents about her sexuality.
Kurt: That's great! Don't leave us in suspense, Red, how did it go.
Red: (Sighs) Well…I told my parents about my sexuality…and…and…(She's fighting back tears)
Annie: (Grows concerned) Red…what happened? Is everything okay?
Red: They…they…THEY KICKED ME OUT! (She hugs Annie and starts to bawl her eyes out)
Kurt: Oh dear.
(Annie held Red as she continued to cry on her shoulder. Annie tries to rub her back to comfort her)
Red: (Snivel) I have nowhere else to go!
Annie: Red, what happened?
Red: I told my parents and they got furious with me saying they don't want a faggot living under their roof! (Continues to cry)
Kurt: That's messed up!
Red: I know. They didn't even let me pack my bags! They just threw me right out the front door, like, "La-Di-Da! Fuck Red!" (Continues to bawl)
Kurt: Red, we are so sorry, we didn't know this would happen.
Red: It's not your fault guys. All you did was encourage me to come clean. It's not your fault that I was kicked out, it's my parents' fault. But what am I going to do now? I have nowhere else to go.
Annie: Well, my parents are still at the bakery, but when they get home, we can ask if they can put you up.
Red: (Sniff) You think they'll do that?
Annie: Are you kidding? You've been my best friend since we were in kindergarten! To my parents, you're like a second child. I'm sure they'll put you up.
Red: Thanks, Annie.
Kurt: I just got done cooking up some chicken parmesan. I think there's some left over in the kitchen if you want me to make you a plate.
Red: (Wipes the tears from her face and smiles) I'd like that.
Kurt: Okay. (He goes back in the kitchen)
Annie: (Hugs Red again) Everything is going to be alright, Red.
Red: Thank you guys. Honestly. You're the best friends I could ever ask for.
Annie: Don't mention it, Red. That's what friends are for.
(Meanwhile, the Oppenheimer jet is flying back to South Park. Tobias is still unconscious and tied up in the cargo hold, so DJ C-Rage, Coon, Professor Chaos, and Mysterion are in the cargo hold with him to keep a watchful eye over him. We cut back to the main part of the plane where everyone else is chilling out)
Millie: Well, I guess an apology is in order. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you guys about Tobias. If I hadn't run off with him, none of this would be happening.
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: It's okay, Millie.
Heidi/Fatal Feline: You were just so awestruck with Tobias that you couldn't control yourself.
Tweek/Peppy Prince: And on a positive note, we managed to catch one of the eight advocates. Which means that there are seven remaining now, right?
Cody/Mr. Gentleman: That's right. Anyway, we hope you didn't suffer too much with Tobias.
Millie: It wasn't all bad.
Sam/Sir Justice: How so?
Millie: Well, let's just say that Tobias can tag it, bag it, and sell it to the butcher! Mmm!
(Everyone is disturbed)
Stan/Tool Shed: Okay…
Millie: No joke, his thing was about this long (Holds her two index fingers out to give an estimated length) and this big around (Makes a hole with her thumb and pointer finger)
Kyle/Human Kite: Please stop talking…
Millie: (Giggles to herself) Sorry, I forgot that I'm dealing with major prudes here.
(Everyone busts out laughing)
Sam/Sir Justice: So, we cool now, Millie?
Millie: Yeah, we're cool.
Sam/Sir Justice: Great. (They shake hands, happy to be reunited) Now let's get home! I'm in the mood for some Chinese food at City Wok.
Token/Tupper Wear: You read my mind, bud!
(Meanwhile, in some mansion somewhere, a man that is wearing a long black trench coat, a black fedora hat, metal boots, and a smiley face mask that covers the man's entire head, is sitting on a his couch in the living room watching a fire burn in the fire place. This man's butler comes into the living room with a cup of tea)
Butler: Mr. Smiles, sir. Are you all set to head for South Park and North Park?
Smiles: Yeah. I'm ready.
Butler: From what I understand, you haven't been to the former town in about eight years.
Smiles: That's right. I intend on showing that cowboy town my new show: Death T.V! The bloodiest show on Earth, and the number one way to revive Damien!
TO BE CONTINUED…
(Credits theme: Bakusou Yume Uta from Soul Eater)
(Yotei chouwa wo kechirasu noizu iru youni katto niramu gankou. Shinobikonda gareeji de yumemiteta ano koro to kawaranu haato. Sou kyou to onaji ashita nante konee ze ore binkan ni bakusou. Utau shinzou kanaderu biito ikiteiru tashikana akashi wo.)
(Shot 1: The Oppenheimer private jet lands back in South Park, Millie thanks her friends for saving her and heads home, as does everyone else)
(Te ni shite ha ushinatte te ni shite ha ushinatte. Utsurou toki no naka de hito shirezu namida shita yoru ha koko ni atte subete ga tada jibun de. Sousa mada ikeru hazu daro)
(Shot 2: Annie is setting up an inflatable matress for Red in her bedroom. They are both wearing their pajamas and are ready for a good night's rest. Red thanks Annie again for putting her up and they both fall asleep)
(Kegarenaki hikari ga yamiyo wo tsuranuite. Kono toki ga towa da to ima inochi ga sakenderu. Hora kokoro no oku ni itsumo kimi ga utsuru yo. Mamorubeki shinjitsu wo tada daiteyukunda. Riyuu nantenai sa furueru tamashii yo aa)
(Shot 3: Tobias is in the high security prison that Justin, Trent, Max, and Ethel are being held in. Tobias managed to get his hands on a guitar, and he's having a little concert in the prison yard. Justin, Trent, Max, and Ethel happen to be in the audience too (Max is being rolled around on a hand truck since he can't move anymore) and Justin is waving around a lighter)
(Koukai ha nai nante daitai uso sa tsuba to basu shadou
Ukeirero sono bun tsuyoku nareba ii sa karamawatte mou ichido
Sou kyou no jibun wo gomakaseru hodo kiyou janee kizuku to
Ima omou kanjiteru kitto kotae nante arya shinai kedo)
(Shot 4: Annie, Kurt, and Red are back at Red's house and they successfully leave with Red's belongings. Before leaving however, Red flips her parents off and runs away)
(Deatte ha wakarete deatte ha tsunagatte
Yorisou seishun no kirameki yo taai nai hibi de sae mo
Subete ha koko ni atte subete ga utsukushikute
Demo mada tatakatteru kara)
(Shot 5: Millie is in the backyard of her house burning any and all Tobias Shredder memorabilia. We cut to Cody's mansion where he is still trying to figure out who the other advocates are)
(Kurikaesu mainichi no aranami ni nomaretemo
Mada yume kara samenu oretachi ha koko ni iru
Itsumo kikoetekuru nakamatachi no koe ga
Kodoku wo furiharau youni tokai no kaze no naka
Tada iku shikanai sa shinjita ikiyou wo aa)
(Shot 6: The Smiles character is at North Park High School holding auditions, telling the students that it's for a talent show. This is obviously a lie, as they are actually auditioning for a spot on Death T.V)
(Samayoinagara Nanika wo kaeteiku tameni kawaru yuuki wo
Soshite nakushichainai nanimo kawarazu ni iru tsuyosa wo)
(Shot 7: We get a shot of the orb where Damien is being held underneath the cemetery)
(Kegarenaki hikari ga yamiyo wo tsuranuite
Kono shunkan ga eien da to ima inochi ga sakenderu
Hora kokoro no oku ni itsumo kimi ga utsuru yo
Mamorubeki shinjitsu wo tada daiteyuke)
(Shot 8: Sam and his friends are at Stark's Pond on their Spring Break, ready to celebrate the first swim of the season. While swimming however, Red sees Ursula sitting on the dock fishing. Red nods knowing that she has to ask her out, even if she was unsure about Ursula's own sexuality)
(Kurikaesu mainichi no kouha ni nomaretemo
Mada yume kara samenu oretachi ha koko ni iru
Itsumo kikoetekuru nakamatachi no koe ga
Kodoku wo furiharau youni machi no kaze no naka
Tada iku shikanai sa shinjita ikizama wo aa
Riyuu nantenai sa furueru tamashii yo aa)
(The next day at a restaurant, Red invites Ursula to lunch. Red is ready to tell Ursula how she feels about her, when they get a call on the cell phones. It's Sir Justice telling them that the bank is being robbed again. Red and Ursula change into their personas, Samurai of Light and Madame Knight, and hurry off to the bank. Red is, of course, disappointed that she couldn't tell Ursula how she feels. Better luck next time.)