AN: This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but I completely forget so here is a new chapter a day late. Enjoy!

Chapter Three

The only thing that can be heard is hard, breaking, shaky breathing coming from Lukas. Matt can feel his son's body still shaking. So far, Matt hasn't let him go, he still has a grip around his son's body and his head is still resting on top of his son's. He isn't exactly sure how long the two of them have been sitting here, on the floor of Lukas' bedroom, but he is sure it has been a while. Maybe, at least an hour or so. He is in no rush, though, he is simply waiting, waiting until his son is ready to tell him what is going on. He is not going to rush his son, no, he doesn't want his son to shut down on him. He wants his son to tell him how he is feeling, how he is really feeling. He wants to help his son and he can't do that if his son shuts down on him, he can't help his son if his son doesn't tell him how he really is feeling. So, he just has to wait. He can wait. He can wait. Matthew Casey can wait if it means he can help his son.

"I'm sorry," Lukas whispers, breaking the silence in the room. "I didn't mean… I didn't mean to… I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Matt questions, his voice soft and almost as quiet as his son's. He doesn't even wait for his son to answer before speaking once again. "Lukas Ryan Casey, you have nothing, absolutely nothing to be sorry about. You need a good cry and that's not anything to be ashamed about. You just needed to let it out. We all need to let it out now and again. Nothing to be ashamed of. I don't want you to feel ashamed because you cried. I never want you to feel that way. You have nothing to be sorry about or ashamed about. Yes, we are Casey men, but that doesn't mean we need to keep everything inside all the time. I don't want you to hold anything, okay, you clearly need to let things out, Lukas… I found your journal. I read your journal."

"Oh," Lukas simply says and begins to shrink away from his father, but his father doesn't let him. "This… This isn't good. Am I in trouble?"

"No, no. God, no, you're not in trouble," Matt says. "I just want to get you help, Lukas, I don't want you feeling the way you feel. You have been feeling depressed for three years, Lukas. Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you a lot sooner. God, I had no idea. Listen, Lukas, do not feel that you can't come to me when you are feeling depressed or suicidal. Please, do not keep anything from me. If you need to talk then come talk to me. Do not feel like you have to keep anything from me, alright?"

"Okay," Lukas whispers, his voice still quiet. "Do you hate me?"

"Why on earth would I hate you?" Matt questions.

"Because you got me for a son," Lukas says. "Because I am not as strong as you are. Because I can't keep my emotions inside of me. Because I broke down and cried like a loser. You don't have to worry, Dad, I know I am a loser. You don't have to worry about me not knowing that I am a loser because trust me, I know. It's my label: a loser. Don't you hate me because I am a loser and I will never be anything more."

"Who the hell told you were a loser?" Matt questions, completely taken aback by what his son just said. "Listen to me, Lukas Ryan Casey, you most certainly aren't not a loser. Do you know who you are? You are my son. My son. And let me tell you, my son is not a loser. He is far from a loser. My son is smart and kind. My son, he has this smile that is infectious, every time I see my son smile, I can't help but smile myself. You know, there was a time when I was trying to find something to live for, my life wasn't easy going up, not by any means, and I was trying to find something that gave my life meaning. I was looking for something, for someone to be proud of me. To love me unconditionally I guess. I was looking for someone. I don't know to protect, to know that every day I went out, I was doing something good. I was honestly about to give up on all of that when something amazing happened. My son, Lukas Ryan Casey, was born and when I look at that little baby for the first time, my entire world changed. I know had a son, I don't think I was ever more proud. I had someone to protect. The day you were born, Lukas, was the best day of my life. You have changed my world in ways you couldn't possibly know. I am very proud of you, Lukas, never forget that. And never ever forget that I am more than proud to be your father. You have been the best son and more than I could have ever asked for. I don't have any room in my heart for hate for you, only love, nothing but love."

"Do you really mean that?" Lukas asks, looking at his father in the face for the first time. "Do you really mean all those things that you said? Because I don't want you saying those things, lying to me just to make me feel better, to try and con me into telling you how I really feel, about my depression, about my suicidal thoughts. Please, don't lie to me."

"I would never lie to you, Lukas," Matt says. "Always remember that. I love you, Lukas. And I don't know what I would do without you in my life. Son, you are my whole world. I don't want to lose my world. I can't lose my whole world. Do you realize how much I would miss you if you weren't here? I would miss you like you wouldn't believe, my heart would be empty. Completely empty. I can't see my life without you."

"Really?" Lukas questions, surprised by what his father has just said. "You would miss me?"

"Of course, I would," Matt says, shocked himself that his son thinks that he wouldn't him if he were gone. "Lukas, you are my son. You are my entire world. If you were to… If you were to kill yourself, I, being completely honest, would probably kill myself too because I, there's no way I could continue my life without you in it. I hate to even think about it. The highlight of all my days is seeing you, is talking to you. I don't want that to end. I don't want our father, son trips to end. I don't want our road trips to end. I don't want your life to end, Lukas."

"I don't either," Lukas admits. "I don't want my life to end either."

"Then say those seventeen words, Lukas," Matt says.

"Dad, I suffer from depression," Lukas admits, his breathing becoming lighter with every word. "I have since I was thirteen-years-old, ever since Mom died."