South Park: The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints

by WildCard0531

Samuel Cooper is a young lad from Houston, TX. He also has a superhero alter ego known as Sir Justice. Watch as Sam goes through life fighting for his friends, the town, and later, the world. The reason I made this fanfic was because I was in the mood to make an anime esque adventure fanfic with South Park characters. Favorite if you wish. Enjoy! First entry in SPS Universe

9. Death TV (Part 2)

The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints: Episode 8: Death T.V (Part 2)

Narrator (v.o): Previously on The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints! We met this new kid named Apollo! He's a fucking dick, and he also has a sister named Maria! Kelly Rutherford-Menskin still has a crush on Sam. Cody still has no fucking clue as to who the other seven advocates are. Some weird smiley faced fuck held auditions for a talent show, but it turns out to be some fucked up gladiator type show where people kill each other for others entertainment! Smiley Face over here has chosen Sam, Wendy, Red, Ursula, Kurt, Annie, Clyde, and Bridgette as his victims. Sam, Wendy, Annie, and Kurt managed to take down their opponents flawlessly, and now it's Bridgette and Clyde's turn to fight! Are you excited for the battle at hand people? No? Well why the fuck else are you here you dumbass!

(Intro song: Resonance by T.M Revolution)

(The intro starts with the town of South Park, and a teenaged Damien looks down on the town from atop a hill)

(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara? Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka?)

(Enemy soldiers dressed in black are attacking the town and spreading chaos and destruction)

(Roku ni me mo awasazu unmei ni made karandeku Yukisaki moro kabutteru kuenai yoru wo hashire)

(The main characters that include teenaged Samuel/Sir Justice, Kurt/Smith the Kid, Bridgette/the Singing Angel, Ursula/Samurai of Light, Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress, Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens, Kenny/Mysterion, Cartman/Coon, Butters/Professor Chaos, Stan/Tool Shed, Kyle/Human Kite, Craig/DJ C-Rage, Tweek/Peppy Prince, Token/Tupper Wear, Clyde/Mosquito, Red/Madame Knight, Heidi/Fatal Feline, Annie/Darling Dame, Leon/Beo-Wolf, Mr. Slave/Glamorous Gardener, Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens, Doug/Cerulean Viper, Cody/Mr. Gentleman, Dr. Sophocles, and Mephesto and his genetic experiments charge into the town ready for the fight of their lives. They all fight off the soldiers)

(Fukaoi shisugita mabushisa ga warui yume ni tsuzuite mo)

(Damien appears along with his 13 commanders (5 of which are Trent, Justin, Ethel, Max, and Tobias Shredder). Our heroes look at each other, smirk, pull out their weapons and fight)

(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka? Deatta wake wa dou datte ii mikitsukerarete Fureta shunkan no kizu no fun dake tashika ni nareru)

(Damien steps forward ready to face our heroes, and they prepare to clash as the title of the fanfic, "The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints" appears)

(This episode starts where the last one left off, with Clyde and Bridgette getting ready to face off with Little Johnny and his mecha)

Little Johnny: Let's get down to business, pipsqueaks!

(Piloting the mecha, he advances towards the two fighters and raises a fist)

Little Johnny: Steel Knuckle!

(He attempts to punch Bridgette and Clyde, but the jump out of the way)

Clyde/Mosquito: We need a distraction so we can take him down! And I have just the thing! (He takes some of his brown mosquito robots) Mosquito Mob: Savage Swarm!

(The brown mosquito robots buzz around the mecha)

Bridgette/Singing Angel: That's my cue! (She jumps up and prepares her diamond rings for a strong punch) 50 Carat Punch!

(The mecha swats the mosquito robots out of the air easily, and swats Bridgette into a giant snow pile in the process)

Clyde/Mosquito: BRIDGE!

Little Johnny: Steel Knuckle! (Gets ready to punch Clyde)

Clyde/Mosquito: Okay, you asked for it! (He uses his mosquito wings and takes flight, dodging the punch. He then takes out some kind of gun) Let's see what this new gun Sophocles made can do. Mosquito Mob: Bug Bullets!

(A swarm of gray colored mosquito shaped bullets come out of the gun and they come out so fast that they push Little Johnny back a bit)

Little Johnny: Not bad, but let's see how you deal with my gun! (The knee of the mech opens up to reveal a Gatling gun) Kneecap Blaster!

(He fires bullets from the gun, but Clyde flies away, causing the bullets to hit an ice rock formation)

Little Johnny: Looks like I need to try harder. (His left knee cap opens up to reveal a big sniper. Looking through a camera in the main room of the mech, Little Johnny manages to get a lock-on Clyde) Target acquired! Time to charge my Magnificent Sniper!

(The sniper begins to charge and Clyde notices)

Little Johnny: Magnificent Sniper fully charged! Time for a little pest control! Bye-Bye!

(Suddenly, a green blast of energy hits the sniper and destroys it)

Little Johnny: What the fuck!

(It's Bridgette! She used her Trumpet of the Gods to blast the sniper away)

Bridgette/Singing Angel: I'm ba-ack!

Little Johnny: You little brat! I still have my other gun! Kneecap Blaster! (He prepares his Gatling gun, but here comes Clyde to the rescue )

Clyde/Mosquito: Mosquito Drill! (Comes down spinning like a drill and he drills right through the Gatling gun, destroying it!)

Little Johnny: God damn it! I've just about had it with you midget shaming schmucks! So you know what! (The mecha reaches for its back and takes out a giant lightsaber) I think it's time to cut you both down to size. Here I come!

(He swings his giant lightsaber, but Bridgette and Clyde dodge)

Little Johnny: Quit moving and be good little targets!

(He keeps swinging, but Clyde and Bridgette just keep on dodging. They eventually take refuge behind a giant snow pile)

Clyde/Mosquito: We've got to find a way to get rid of that lightsaber. Babe, do you have any ideas?

Bridgette/Singing Angel: I have an idea. I'll act as a distraction, and you do what you did to that guy's Gatling Gun.

Clyde/Mosquito: You mean drill it like I'm gonna strike oil? You got it!

Bridgette/Singing Angel: Great! Let's do it! (She comes from her hiding spot) Catch me if you can Optimus Slime!

Little Johnny: Come here!

(Little Johnny swings his lightsaber at Bridgette numerous times, and each time she dodges, as she dodges, Clyde flies up in the air and prepares his Mosquito Drill attack. As that's going on, Bridgette ends up at a dead end, surrounded by nothing but ice rocks)

Little Johnny: Looks like your luck's run out, girlie! Shame, I was having fun! (He raises his lightsaber) Say hello to God for me!

Clyde/Mosquito: Mosquito Drill! (He drills right through the arm that was holding the lightsaber, and successfully detaches the arm for the mecha)

Little Johnny: WAAAH!

Bridgette/Singing Angel: Thanks, sweetie.

Clyde/Mosquito: I wasn't going to leave you high and dry. I'm a man who loves to see plans through to the end. Now let's finish this! I have a plan of my own.

Bridgette/Singing Angel: What is it?

(Clyde whispers the plan into Bridgette's ear)

Bridgette/Singing Angel: You got it! But do you think we'll be able to lift it?

Clyde/Mosquito: You'd be surprised what your body can do in a life or death scenario, babe.

Bridgette/Singing Angel: Alright, we'll give it a try. (She gets up on top of a giant snow pile and pulls out her microphone) Angel's Screech! (She scream really loud into the microphone, causing the mecha to experience electrical problems. The mecha can't move as a result)

Little Johnny: Damn it, this little bitch's singing is giving me issues!

Clyde/Mosquito: (Pulls out white mosquito robots) Mosquito Mob: Lazer League! (The white mosquitoes use their lazers that come from their stingers and make a hole into the mecha, revealing the location of the cockpit, and Little Johnny himself) Peekaboo, I found you! (Turns to Bridgette, who is still screaming into the microphone) Keep up that screaming Bridge! I've almost got him!

(He rushes over to the Gatling gun that he detached earlier. He struggle to pick it up, but with one scream, a surge of strength rushes through Clyde's body, and he manages to lift it over his head)

Little Johnny: (Looks over at Clyde) Uh-oh!

Clyde/Mosquito: Game, set, match, pipsqueak! (He manages to fire the Gatling gun and the bullets hit both the mecha, and Little Johnny through the hole his mosquito robots created)

Little Johnny: No, no, I will not be defeated!

(The mecha explodes with Little Johnny in it. Bridgette stops her screaming, and they both look to see Little Johnny covered in bullet holes and singed from the explosion)

Smiles: Oh my God, can someone kill these bastards?! (Groans as he grabs the microphone and starts speaking into it) Mosquito and Singing Angel come out on top!

(The audience cheers as we cut to the Saints that are watching)

Alex Slave: I'm impressed! They're actually doing pretty well.

Sophocles: I told you they'd be fine.

Cody: So now all that's left is for Red and Ursula to fight.

Bebe: I know they can do it!

(Back on the main arena)

Smiles: Okay you two, back to the green room.

(Bridgette and Clyde go back to the green room)

Clyde/Mosquito: What's up!

Sam/Sir Justice: You two did awesome!

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: You guys didn't have to midget shame that guy in the beginning of the match though.

Clyde/Mosquito: Hey, it doesn't matter. He's dead now.

Stadium worker: Last but not least, we have Red Fisher (Note: Does Red have an official last name?) and Ursula Yamamoto.

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Alright, let's rock!

Red/Madame Knight: Hang on, Ursula, in case we die, there's something that needs to be said first.

Ursula/Samurai of Light: What is it?

Red/Madame Knight: (Inhales deeply) Ursula…I…lo-

Stadium worker: Can this wait, we have to get out there now. Let's go!

(Ursula and Red head out to the main arena. Out at the arena, the only stage left that hasn't been seen is the forest field. The arena opens up to reveal a grassy landscape with trees and bushes)

Smiles: And last but not least, we have the forest field! Let's introduce our last two saints: Madame Knight and Samurai of Light! (Red and Ursula come out of the right part of the arena)

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Who is our opponent?

Smiles: Hunter Jenkins? Yeah, he is already here: Deep in the forest stage. So, good luck.

Red/Madame Knight: What does that mean, he's deep in the forest stage?

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Beats me. I think we have to go into the forest though.

(Meanwhile, from atop one of the trees, someone is ready to snipe them down. It's their opponent, Hunter Jenkins. He puts his finger on the trigger of the sniper and takes careful aim)

(Hunter Jenkins is wearing military pattern camouflage suit complete with a hat, black army boots, and he is completely bald with a black goatee)

Red/Madame Knight: Alright, let's go into that forest.

(Suddenly, a shot passes by them, barely missing them)

Red/Madame Knight: Holy shit!

Ursula/Samurai of Light: What was that?!

(Another shot zooms past them)

Red/Madame Knight: We're getting fucking sniped down!

Ursula/Samurai of Light: But where is the attack coming from?!

(One more shot come right at them, but Red takes out her shield and blocks it. She then looks to see Hunter Jenkins sitting atop the tree)

Red/Madame Knight: Up there! (She points at Jenkins) I'll handle this! (She takes out her crossbows and some glowing arrows that Dr. Sophocles made) Arrows of Light!

(She fires the light arrows and it hits Jenkins, causing him to fall off of the tree)

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Nice shot, Red. C'mon, let's go check it out!

(The two run deeper into the forest arena and they go to the area where Hunter Jenkins landed. The see the body and it turns out to be a fake! A dummy made out of leaves and sticks)

Ursula/Samurai of Light: This is a fake!

Red/Madame Knight: But…where's the real Hunter Jenkins?

(Suddenly, something leaps out from the bushes behind them. It's Hunter Jenkins)

Hunter Jenkins: AAAHHHHHH! Kill-Shot Knife!

(He slashes at the two girls with his knife, but they dodge)

Hunter Jenkins: Die!

(He charges at them again, ready to slash at them, but Red takes out her sword and blocks it. She then swings it)

Red/Madame Knight: Crazy Claymore!

(She swings her sword, but Hunter Jenkins blocks the attack with his knife and pushes her back. He then takes out a shotgun)

Hunter Jenkins: Savage Shot!

(He fires, but Red blocks it with her shield)

Hunter Jenkins: You bitches heads will look great on my mantle!

(He keeps firing his shotgun, and Red keeps blocking with her shield)

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Blossom Storm!

(Blossoms pour out of her sleeves, enveloping Hunter Jenkins, and alloying Red and Ursula to make a quick getaway. Jenkins jumps out of the blossom storm and looks around for his opponents. He then uses hunter instinct and track down their scent)

Hunter Jenkins: Ready or not, here I come!

(He tracks Red and Ursula's scent until he gets to another part of the forest stadium. He reaches the area where the scent ends, but he can't find his opponents anywhere)

Hunter Jenkins: Where did you ladies go?

(Suddenly, Ursula jumps down from the top of the tree)

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Love Smack!

(She hits Jenkins on the head hard with one of her fans, knocking him to the ground. Meanwhile, Red is stationed on top of another tree and she has her crossbows ready)

Red/Madame Knight: Crossbows of Honor!

(She fires regular arrows at Hunter Jenkins, and they nail him right in the back. Jenkins gets back up, however, and pulls the arrows out of his back and runs into the forest as fast as he can. So fast that Ursula and Red can't keep up with him)

Red/Madame Knight: (Joints Ursula on ground level) Damn it, he's gone!

Ursula/Samurai of Light: No doubt he's going to try snipping us down again. Let's split up. I take the west side, you take the east side.

Red/Madame Knight: Got it!

(The two girls split up and search their respective sides of the arena. We cut to Red's search. She's looking around for Hunter Jenkins, and then she finds him just standing there, and staring at her)

Red/Madame Knight: Hunter!

(Jenkins is just staring at her)

Red/Madame Knight: Not going to bother fighting back? Suit yourself, it just means that my job is a lot easier!

(She pulls out her sword and charges right at him. As she inches ever closer to him, Hunter Jenkins just smirks and waves. The next thing Red know, she's falling down into a hole that was covered by leaves and twigs. She has fallen into Hunter Jenkins trap. As Red falls, she scream out, and Ursula hears this. Ursula rushes to Red's location. Meanwhile, Hunter walks up to the hole ready to go in for the kill. He takes out his shotgun and aims it right at Red, who takes out one of her crossbows with a loaded arrow)

Red/Madame Knight: You pull that trigger, this arrow goes right for your eye.

Hunter Jenkins: No big deal. I can live with only one eye. But you, you'll be dead. Because when I pull my trigger, your head is getting shot clean off!

Red/Madame Knight: (Growls in annoyance)

Hunter Jenkins: Any final words?

(Meanwhile, Ursula sneaks into the area and hides behind a tree)

Red/Madame Knight: (Sighs) You know what, yeah. I know you probably don't care Hunter guy, but my partner, Ursula…I'm in love with her.

Hunter Jenkins: What?

Ursula: (Behind the tree) Huh?

Red/Madame Knight: Yeah, you heard me. I'm in love with my partner Ursula. Ever since I learned about my true sexuality, there is no one else that I would want to be my girlfriend. The thing is, I don't know Ursula sexuality. But just do me one thing. Before you go and fight her, just tell her from me that I love her and I regret not telling her sooner. I was just too shy and scared to tell her how I feel because I was afraid of what's she'd say or do. Tell her this so that she at least knows my true passions…that's all I ask. Go on, pull that trigger! My game is over! Don't hold anything back. (Lowers her crossbow and sits on the ground, closing her eyes as she waits for her death)

(Ursula is shocked and ready to attack Hunter Jenkins, who is somewhat moved by this)

Hunter Jenkins: Well, uh. Sure, I'll tell her that for you. It almost makes me feel bad that I have to kill you. (Inhales deeply, gets his game face back on, and he takes aim with his shotgun) Well, it's been fun, knight lady, but now it's time to say goodbye. I'll be sure to tell your friend everything you told me. Get ready, because here I come!

Red/Madame Knight: (Holding back tears) Just do it!

Hunter Jenkins: Alright, Savage…

Ursula/Samurai of Light: RAAAAAHHHHHH! (She charges at Hunter Jenkins, who turns his attention towards Ursula) Leave her alone! (Her fans turn into big blades) Razor Fan!

(Using her fan blades, Ursula beheads Hunter Jenkins and kills him. When Hunter's decapitated body falls to the ground, Ursula holds her hand into the hole and pulls Red up back to the surface)

Ursula/Samurai of Light: You okay, Red?

Red/Madame Knight: Yeah. Thank you, Ursula. So, I guess you heard everything?

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Yup, every word. Is it true?

Red/Madame Knight: Yes. Ever since the day you moved to South Park, I started to develop a crush on you. And as the days went by, I found myself wanting you more and more, and I had no way of telling you. But guess what, now is the time where I reveal my feelings to you and tell you how I truly feel. Now I don't know what your sexuality is, Ursula, but if you reject my feelings then I'll understa—

(Ursula cuts Red off with a kiss that she graciously returns, causing everyone in the audience to go, "Awww." In the green room, the rest of the Saints are happy to see Red and Ursula together, especially Annie and Kurt)

Annie/Darling Dame: Alright, she did it!

Kurt/Smith the Kid: They're together! Oh my god! (He kisses Annie, causing her to blush)

Annie/Darling Dame: Wow…uh…that was nice, Kurty.

Kurt/Smith the Kid: Thanks. Not bad for a "heat of the moment" kiss, eh?

Annie/Darling Dame: No. Not bad at all.

(Back on the stadium, Red and Ursula release their kiss)

Red/Madame Knight: Was that real? Or were you just humoring me?

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Oh, it was real. I think you're a cute chick too, Red.

Red/Madame Knight: (Blushes) Really?

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Yes. Now, while I have been with a few guys in my time, I've been with a few girls as well, and I honestly think I prefer the company of another girl. Someone I can relate to and hang out with. You're always so nice to me and always by my side, Red. I honestly couldn't think of any other girl I'd rather be with.

Red/Madame Knight: Oh, Ursula…

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Red…

(The two of them prepare to kiss again…only for them to get cut off by Smiles before they could make contact)

Smiles: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lovey-Dovey crap is okay for the ratings, but blood and gore is even better. Which is why it's time for Round 2, where these eight saints will go up against me. And trust me when I say that next to me, the likes of Big Moe, Fish Man Jones, Little Johnny, and Hunter Jenkins are like cute cuddly bunnies. So, to the South Park Saints, I wish them luck…because they're going to need it! Death T.V will be right back after these messages!

(Red and Ursula make their way back to the green room as we cut to the Saints that are in the audience)

Cody: I'm going to use this opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Bebe: Okay, sweetie, but hurry back.

Cody: Yup.

(Cody leaves and we cut to him waiting in line for the men's room)

Cody: (Sighs) I forgot how long these lines can be.

(Suddenly, he hears Smiles throwing a tantrum behind a door that reads "Authorized Personnel Only.")

Smiles: (From behind the door) Damn those god damn saints! They beat my four best henchmen! I fucking hate those punks!

Cody: I wonder what's going on down there?

(Cody looks around to make sure that nobody is looking and he enters the door. Upon going through the door, Cody climbs down a flight of stairs that leads to another door. He opens it just a crack and sees Smiles venting with his butler)

Smiles: I can't believe those Saints beat my best henchmen!

Butler: Yes, Mr. Smiles, sir. You've said that ten times now.

Smiles: Well get ready to hear it ten more times! I honestly can't believe it! They had no troubles beating those punks from North Park and taking their blood, but just because we're going up against the South Park Saints, now they choose to die?

Cody: (From outside) Blood? I've got to record this. (He takes out his phone and records the conversation)

Butler: About that, what should we do with your henchmen's corpses?

Smiles: Well they won't do my any good now. Just salvage any blood that they have left so we can give it to Damien. I don't have time for this, I have to get ready for my big performance. These Saints want to dance, then we'll dance! The sooner I kill the eight of them, the sooner I can harvest their blood.

(Smiles and his butler head for the door. Cody hides behind it when they open the door and they don't notice him. Cody ends the recording and stares after them in disbelief)

Cody: Blood? Damien?! I hope I'm wrong, but I think I've found the second advocate! It's Smiles! I've got to tell the others. (His stomach starts to growl in pain) But first, a quick trip to the bathroom. (His stomach gurgles some more as he runs up the stairs) Damn stadium nachos! Augh!

(We cut to the second round of the Death T.V match as Smiles speaks into the microphone)

Smiles: The time has come for the final match up! The eight South Park Saints that you've seen fight today will go up against yours truly in a totally epic battle royale! There is no rock stage, ice stage, forest stage, or water stage! It'll be you standard normal arena! With that said and done, let's get our favorite heroes up here: The South Park Saints!

(As the eight saints run into the arena ready to fight, Cody comes back to regroup with his friends)

Cody: Guys, you are not going to believe this, but I think I may have found the second advocate.

Alex Slave: You did? Who?

Cody: I think that the second advocate is Smiles himself!

Bebe: Are you sure? I mean, that's quite the accusation.

Cody: Think about it guys. Why else would someone hold a game show where you kill each other in this day and age: So you can harvest the losers' blood when the game's over.

Jeffrey: I have to admit, you make a good point, Cody.

Cody: And if you're still not convinced, check out what I have!

(He takes out his phone and shows his friends the recording)

Butler: About that, what should we do with your henchmen's corpses?

Smiles: Well they won't do my any good now. Just salvage any blood that they have left so we can give it to Damien. I don't have time for this, I have to get ready for my big performance. These Saints want to dance, then we'll dance! The sooner I kill the eight of them, the sooner I can harvest their blood.

(End recording)

Doug: Yikes!

Alex Slave: Jesus!

Bebe: Smiles really is the second advocate!

Cody: If Smiles is in this game, he's playing to win! He'll do whatever it takes to make sure that our friends down there are nothing but bloody mangled corpses by the end of the day. We have to help them out!

Jeffrey: Our costumes and weapons are in my car!

Cody: Let's go get them and gear up gang! Come on, we don't have much time!

Maria: Hey, what's happening?

Bebe: We have to defend our friends! They're no match for Smiles. He'll obliterate them for sure!

Maria: You mean, you guys are gearing up in your Saints outfits.

Bebe: Yeah. Can't talk, got to run, see you!

(The seven hurry off and Maria calls after them)

Maria: We'll keep your seats warm. (She looks at Apollo, who is sleeping) Wake up, brother. I think this game is about to get even more interesting!

Apollo: How so?

Maria: You'll find out.

(We cut to Kelly Rutherford-Menskin in the audience, who looks at Cody and company leave the stadium)

Kelly: What are they up to? (She looks down at the arena and stares at Sam) Come on, Sam. You can do this!

(We cut to the main arena where Sam, Wendy, Kurt, Annie, Clyde, Bridgette, Red, and Ursula are ready to face off with Smiles)

Sam/Sir Justice: Get ready, Smiley fuck face! You'll pay for having lied to us!

Smiley: I had to lie to you eight. I mean, you wouldn't go on this show if I said, "Hey, want to enter my show where we kill a bunch of people?" Whatever, I digress. It's time we did battle. You see this trench coat?

Kurt/Smith the Kid: What about it?

Smiley: There's more to me that meet the eye you know. (He takes of his trench coat to reveal a steel armor body suit painted in gold and silver)

Ursula/Samurai of Light: No freaking way!

Smiley: Oh yeah, bitch! It's on now!

(Cue Look Pimpin' from Mad World)

Wendy/Fuchsia: As if a suit of armor is going to prevent us from taking this asshole down! Let's get him!

(She charges at Smiles)

Smiles: Take your best shot Hong Kong Phooey!

(You see my swag. Now you wanna come and give me all this drag? I think you better fight back. Because my hand is itchin' to give you a smack. What's your name again, Jack? It's the end of the road, there ain't no turnin' back. Don't let the fly face fool ya! Matter 'fact, it's 'bout time that I school ya!)

Wendy: Raging Kick!

(She attempts to kick Smiles in the chest, but the armor is so hard she ends up hurting her foot in the process)

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: (To herself) Damn, that armor is so hard!

Smiles: Is that really all you've got?

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Nope, get ready, it's time! (Her boxing gloves ignite) Wildfire Smack Down!

(She unleashes a barrage of punches at Smiles, but they don't seem to faze him at all)

Smiles: Pathetic. (She grabs one of Wendy's arms and proceeds to do, as TV tropes call it, Metronomic Man Mashing. After a while, he throws Wendy back to her teammates) Next?

(Don't worry I'm not in a hurry. I don't even wanna get my fresh gear dirty. A little birdie chirped of your flurry. Now I must nip it, or better yet, bury. Your entity, look at me while I'm talkin'. I heard you was lurkinn', or was it even stalkin'. My program thinkin' you the man in the place. Now it's 'bout time you get a hand to the face)

Sam/Sir Justice: Fuck you! Falcon's Blast!

(He fires the falcon shaped blast at Smiles, creating an explosion and a wall of smoke upon contact)

Sam/Sir Justice: Cody's Boots, activate! (He runs up to Smiles fast ready to punch Smiles) Fist of Millie!

(When the smoke clears, Smiles sees Sam coming up fast so he launches a counter attack by holding out his right hand. A hole opens up in the palm)

Smiles: Lights, Camera, Bombs!

(Small bombs with smiley faces on them fly out of the hole in Smiles' palm. They hit Sam before he can even make it to Smiles, and he goes flying back)

Sam/Sir Justice: (Gets up) That bastard is tough!

Kurt/Smith the Kid: I've had it with this bastard! Annie?

Annie/Darling Dame: Got it! (She opens up her butterfly wings and she flies upward as Kurt charges into battle)

(Look Pimpin'! I ain't playin'. In a minute you gonna be layin'. On the ground I ain't messin' around. My city! My rules! My money! My town! (x2))

Kurt/Smith the Kid: Moonshine Blaster! (He fires the beam from his pistols)

Annie/Darling Dame: Butterfly Maelstrom! (She fires the rainbow beam from her wings)

(The two attacks hit Smiles, and Annie floats back to ground level)

Annie/Darling Dame: You think that did something?

Smiles: (The smoke from the attack clears and Smiles gets back up)

Kurt/Smith the Kid: Damn it! I was sure that was it!

(Brim tilted, coat quilted, fresh to death, literally I do kill it. Blood spilleth in this game of death. Yeah, you hear the announcer, but ain't no ref'. I just kept hearin' your name too much. That's it! Now I just came to touch. Your backbone with a boot, a cane to the tooth. It don't take much, now ain't that the truth?)

Smiles: My turn! (A hole in the crotch of the armor suit opens up) Toxic Flume!

(A load of toxic gas comes out of the crotch and covers the arena. The eight fighters cover their mouths and noses)

Sam/Sir Justice: Don't breathe it in, guys!

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: We've got to find a way to shut that attack down.

Clyde/Mosquito: I'm on it! (He takes out a black mosquito robot and sends it flying towards the crotch of Smiles' armor suit) Mosquito Mob: Bomb Rush!

(The mosquito bomb goes into the hole and explodes, not only stopping the attack but the explosion sends Smiles flying across the arena)

(My boo got a thang for you. She really likes money, but the pain will do. You can't hang, you a featherweight. I can't believe that you made it this far, it'll never take. A lotta work to make you levitate. I strike first! Don't hesitate. To populate the murder rate! You just sealed your fate. On the holidays that'll be one less plate)

(Smiles gets up only to see Clyde coming at him)

Clyde/Mosquito: Mosquito Drill!

(He begins to try and drill tough the armor suit, but to no avail)

Clyde/Mosquito: (To himself) Crap! This armor is made of sterner stuff than I though.

Smiles: You'll never pierce my armor, bug boy!

(Bridgette appears behind Smiles and she takes out her trumpet)

Bridgette/Singing Angel: Trumpet of the Gods!

(She fires a green blast of energy right at Smiles' back)

Smiles: GAH!

(Bridgette and Clyde hurry back to the rest of their team…only to see that Smiles is still standing)

Clyde/Mosquito: What is that shit made out of!

(Look Pimpin'! I ain't playin'. In a minute you gonna be layin'. On the ground I ain't messin' around. My city! My rules! My money! My town! (x2))

Smiles: (Opens the hole in the crotch of the armor suit again and a small gun comes out…think of this what you will) Beam of Paradise!

(A blue beam shoots out of the crotch and he attempts to shoot down the eight saints. They dodge each shot)

Red/Madame Knight: I've had enough! (She takes out her cross bows and some glowing arrows) Arrows of Light!

(The Arrows of Light hit Smiles, stops his attack, and the impact knocks him on his ass)

Smiles: Gah, bitch!

(You see my swag. Now you wanna come and give me all this drag? I think you better fight back. Because my hand is itchin' to give you a smack. What's your name again, Jack? It's the end of the road, there ain't no turnin' back. Don't let the fly face fool ya! Matter 'fact, it's 'bout time that I school ya!)

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Blossom Storm! (Blossoms pour out of her sleeves and covers Smiles up)

Smiles: Augh, now what?

(Ursula and Red jump into the blossom storm, with swords blazing)

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Razor Fan!

Red/Madame Knight: Crazy Claymore!

(Smiles blocks the two swords with her hands)

Smiles: (Laughs as he pushes the two girls out of the blossom storm)

(Don't worry I'm not in a hurry. I don't even wanna get my fresh gear dirty. A little birdie chirped of your flurry. Now I must nip it, or better yet, bury. Your entity, look at me while I'm talkin'. I heard you was lurkinn', or was it even stalkin'. My program thinkin' you the man in the place. Now it's 'bout time you get a hand to the face)

Red/Madame Knight: Sorry guys. We failed you.

Sam/Sir Justice: It's not your fault, Red. You two tried your best.

Clyde/Mosquito: There has got to be a way to take this dipshit out!

Smiles: There's nothing you weaklings can do to me! With this power suit, I'm invincible!

Sam/Sir Justice: SHUT UP!

(The eight saints launch their strongest ranged attacks at Smiles, (Falcon's Blast, Wrath of the Tigress, Moonshine Blaster, Sunshine Lazer, Arrows of Light, Blossom Storm, Bug Bullets, and Trumpet of the Gods) but they don't seem to faze him)

(Look Pimpin'! I ain't playin'. In a minute you gonna be layin'. On the ground I ain't messin' around. My city! My rules! My money! My town! (x2))

Smiles: What did I tell you guys! You can hit me as much as you want, but you'll never kill me! You jerks lost this fight the moment you stepped into this ring! So, how about we end this with a bang! (He holds out his bomb throwing palm) This is goodbye, my fellow saints! Lights…Camera…

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: (From behind Smiles) Fantasia of Riches!

Smiles: (Gets hit by the red blast of energy) BLARGH!

(As Look Pimpin' fades out, the attack hits Smiles in the back and he falls to his knees)

Smiles: What?

(Smiles and the Saints look to see Mr. Gentleman, Sharp Edge Stevens, Sgt. Stevens, Dr. Sophocles, Cerulean Viper, and Glamorous Gardener)

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Sorry to be tardy to the party! (Revs up his chainsaw)

Cody/Mr. Gentlemen: Don't worry guys! The cavalry is here!

Sam/Sir Justice: Alright, guys!

(Back in the audience, Maria and Apollo are watching the game even closer now)

Maria: More of the Saints have joined the fray!

Apollo: Okay, now I'm even more interested.

(Cut to Kelly in the audience)

Kelly: Things should be looking up for my Sammy now.

(Back to the fight at hand)

Smiles: (He recognizes Mr. Slave and Bebe and he thinks to himself) Those two are here as well? Oh joy. (Out loud) Well, it seems we have a few uninvited guests in our brawl. No matter, I'll kill you guys as well!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: You'd like that, wouldn't you. (Turns to Sam and his teammates) Guys, Smiles is the second advocate! I overheard him talking with his butler. He plans on using Big Moe, Fish Man Jones, Little Johnny, and Hunter Jenkins' blood for Damien! And he already has some North Park kids' blood.

Sam/Sir Justice: Is this true?

Smiles: (Sigh) Okay, you got me. Guilty as charged! Not that these people watching us would care. They just want to see some bloodshed!

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: If it's bloodshed they want, it's bloodshed they'll get!

Annie/Darling Dame: We'll help out any way we can.?

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Don't worry, Annie. The rest of you can hang back. We've got this!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Let's go, everybody, charge!

Doug/Cerulean Viper: Let's go get him!

(Bebe, Doug, Cody, Sophocles, Mr. Slave, and Jeffrey charge at Smiles)

Smiles: Good luck to you! Lights, Camera, Bombs!

(He fires the bombs)

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: (Takes out his musket) Mighty Musket! (He fires the bullet bill bullets and they hit the bombs that Smiles launched, creating a wall of smoke) Doug, Sophocles, now is your chance!

Doug/Cerulean Viper & Sophocles: Right!

(The two of them jump out of the smoke ready to attack)

Doug/Cerulean Viper: Viper's Cold Reception! (He fires an attack like Wendy's Wrath of the Tigress…which is an ice version of Mario's Final Smash, and he freezes Smiles to the floor)

Smiles: What!?

Sophocles: Scythe Full Swing!

(He swings his scythe and hits Smiles, freeing him from his icy prison, but knocking him on his ass. When he gets up, Bebe has taken some swords form her back and threw them into the stadium floor, surrounding Smiles. She then snaps her fingers)

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Electric Barrier!

(Before Smiles knows it, he is surrounded by an electric fence that was formed from the hilts of Bebe's swords)

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Mr. Slave, Cody, it's your turn now!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Got it, darling! (Turns to Alex Slave) Mr. Slave, sir, I'll charge up my Fantasia of Riches attack. You make sure that Smiles doesn't launch a counterattack.

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: You got it, Cody.

(He runs up to Smiles, who has his crotch laser charging)

Smiles: Time to end this before things get annoying!

(As the laser charges up, Mr. Slave reaches into his bag of seeds and takes out some green ones and throws them)

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Vine Wrap!

(When the seeds hit Smiles, they open up and a hoard of vines come and wrap him up, ceasing his attack)

Smiles: God damn it, no!

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Cody, he's all wrapped up! Let him have it! (He gets out of the way)

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: (The ruby on his staff is glowing very bright) Ready! Game over, Smiles! Here it comes! Fantasia of Riches: Ultimax!

(Instead of the usual red energy blast, the Ultimax version fires a big pink blast of energy. The attack hits Smiles and blows his mask and fedora off in the process. When the smoke clears, the vines from the seeds have disappeared, and Smiles has his back turned and he's on his knees)

Red/Madame Knight: Hey, check it out! (She points at the smiley face mask, which was blown off of Smiles head) Smiles' mask!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: No doubt my attack blew the mask right off of his head. Now we can find out who Smiles really is.

Sam/Sir Justice: Get up, Smiles! Show yourself!

(Smiles gets up, with his back turned and head hung down so they couldn't see his face)

Sam/Sir Justice: Turn around! Who are you?

(To everyone's shock, Smiles begins to talk, but they hear a female's voice…and a rather familiar one at that)

Female voice: All I wanted…all I wanted was a little revenge on you assholes for ruining my life. But, of course, you all had to make it difficult by killing my henchmen, and by having your goody-goody comrades back you up!

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Ruining your life? What are you talking about? Who are you?

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Hang on. I know that voice. Could it possibly be…(Her eyes widen with shock) Wait…it can't be. Is it…

(Smiles laughs as she turns around and reveals her true self…Paris Hilton!)

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: It is!

Sam/Sir Justice: No fucking way! All this time, Smiles was just Paris God Damn Hilton!

Paris: Surprise motherfuckers! (Coughs up some semen)

(Author's Note: The audience sees that Smiles is Paris Hilton, they just can't hear the conversation that she's having with the Saints)

Red/Madame Knight: Now this is a revelation for the ages!

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: But…but how! Your voice was so deep and masculine!

Paris: It's called a voice distortion machine! I placed it in my mask so nobody would recognize me.

Sophocles: Paris Hilton? Didn't you come up to South Park about eight years ago?

Paris: You are correct, egghead!

(Kurt, Bridgette, and Ursula seem lost)

Kurt/Smith the Kid: I'm confused. How do you all know each other?

Annie/Darling Dame: Well, sweetie, let us explain…

Sam/Sir Justice: Hang on a minute before you do, Annie. (Breaks the fourth wall) Attention reader, if you haven't read Chapter 2: Prologue 2: Stupid Spoiled Whore, then go ahead and read it real fast because we are going to spoil the shit out of this chapter! (Turns back to Annie) Okay, proceed…

Annie/Darling Dame: Right. Anyway, Kurt, Paris Hilton came up to South Park about 8 years ago to open up a store called Stupid Spoiled Whore. All of the girls, including myself and sans for Wendy, went crazy trying to act and dress like Paris. Eventually, we had a party at Bebe's house where we were going to have a harem with Justin. Then Sam, who was dressed as Sir Justice, Wendy, and Mr. Slave came in and shut the party down, revealing that Sam also destroyed the store in the process, resulting in Stupid Spoiled Whore getting replaced with Store Justice. Anyway, Mr. Slave and Paris had a whore-off showdown, and Mr. Slave won, resulting in all of us losing our faith and love for Paris Hilton, and also caused the downfall of the Stupid Spoiled Whore fad and everyone's love for Paris Hilton in general. Also worth noting that we almost got raped by Justin afterwards.

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Oh of course, you had to bring that up!

Annie/Darling Dame: Hey, the rape attempt was a key point in the climax of that episode.

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Still, there's no excuse for you to open up old wounds!

Annie/Darling Dame: Calm down, Bebe, besides we got revenge on him when we fought him at the cemetery. You remember when we…

Sam/Sir Justice: Alright! We've already spoiled Prologue 2! Let's not spoil Prologue 5 now!

Annie/Darling Dame: Sorry, I was going off on a tangent of my own there. (Turns to Kurt) So, that's what happened.

Paris: There was more to my Stupid Spoiled Whore plot that meets the eye, you know.

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: What do you mean?

Paris: You see, I wanted to start up my own empire! Your small cowboy town was just a stepping stone towards my ultimate goal!

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Which was what?

Paris: I wanted a perfect world where everyone would behave just like me! A world where everyone just parties, sleeps around, and acts super-duper lame towards everyone! It's my definition of a utopian society!

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Sounds more like hell on Earth to us!

Paris: I used your one horse town, Mouth Bark…

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: SOUTH PARK!

Paris:…As a trial run for my store. If that store was successful, then I would open up a whole lot of Stupid Spoiled Whore stores all across America, and eventually, worldwide! At first, everything was going my way. (Points at Sam/Sir Justice) But then this fucker came along and ruined everything! You totally trashed my store and everything in it! And as if that wasn't bad enough, you went ahead and got your own store to replace it!

Sam/Sir Justice: We're still getting paid handsomely by the Guess Clothing Company for that store.

Paris: Talk to somebody who cares, you glorified superzero! Anyway, it wasn't just him that I harbored a deep hatred towards, but also this faggot right here!

(She points at Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener)

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: What!? Me?

Paris: Yes, you! At that whore off, I thought I secured my victory! But then you go on ahead and swallow me up through your rancid, putrid, booty hole! Do you know what I had to go through to get out of you?!

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: No. Do you know what I had to go through to get you out of my body?

Paris: No, and frankly I don't give a damn! Now then, there are four other people who I blame for my downfall! I blame, you four!

(She now points at Wendy, Bebe, Red, and Annie)

Red/Madame Knight: What?! Why us?

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Yeah? What did we do wrong?

Paris: Oh, my little pink Chun Li rip-off, it's not you did that was wrong. It's what you didn't do that was wrong. You didn't become a part of my empire like your other three friends. That's right. I remember seeing you at the whore off eight years ago. You were the only one of your friends not wearing a slutty outfit! So you obviously didn't submit to my trend! Speaking of your friends, they didn't carry on my legacy after I was defeated. That's what you three are supposed to do when your figure head crumbles: Keep their spirit alive! But what do you three go ahead and do? You three go ahead and play superhero with these losers! (Points at Annie) And the one person that does wear one of my outfits, she doesn't use it for whorish purposes, but for crime fighting purposes!

Red/Madame Knight: We'd never keep your spirit alive.

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: At the time you lost the whore off, we realized that you were a total loser and a failure, something that we didn't want to grow up into. But after growing up mentally for the past eight years, and after witnessing the events that transpired today, we can confirm that you are an evil brat that's only famous for being famous, and nothing else! You're nothing but a lousy little harlot!

Paris: Oh, blah, blah, blah. Like I care. (Looks over at Doug, Sophocles, Jeffrey, Cody, Kurt, Bridgette, Clyde, and Ursula) And you guys…I don't know who you people are, but I'm willing to bet you guys are related to each other in some way, yes?

Doug & Jeffrey: We're family

Kurt, Ursula, & Cody: We're their love interests.

Clyde: I'm just some guy that was at Bebe's whore party…

Bridgette:…And I'm his girlfriend.

Sophocles: And I'm the uncle to my nephew Cody.

Paris: Oh. Okay then. Now then, you're all probably wondering how I ended up like this?

Sam/Sir Justice: Actually, yeah. You're filthy stinking rich. Couldn't you just hire a hitman to kill us instead of holding a show like this?

Paris: Yes, but this way was more fun. But I don't want to talk about this show right now. I want to talk about the origin story of my alter ego, Smiles!

(Flashback time)

(In this first shot, we see Paris' T.V show, "The World According to Paris" getting canceled, and everyone burning or throwing out any and all Paris Hilton memorabilia)

Paris (v.o): After losing the whore off, that's when everything went to shit! My show went down the shitter and nobody paid any mind to me anymore!

(The next shot we see Paris getting kicked out of her parents' mansion)

Paris (v.o): To make matter worse, my parents kicked me out and cut off any and all ties I had with the family, rendering me homeless and alone.

(We then see Paris sitting in a box on a Manhattan street, followed by a shot of Paris in a grocery store trying to steal some fresh fruit)

Paris (v.o): Let me tell you, living in a cardboard box is not a fun experience. Too cramp and small! I was reduced to stealing from grocery stores and mini-marts for my next meal! I was the lowest one could possibly go in life…a former star! But one day, everything changed!

(The next shot has Paris being approached by a big and tall person in an alley. That person is Satan himself)

Paris (v.o): On that day, I encountered a tall and fat stranger. At first I thought I was going to get raped, and I thought that would be a perfect end to my now crappy life, but then it turned out to be Satan. He said that he knew about everything that had happened to me, and knows that I want revenge on you motherfuckers! He asked me if I want to become one of his advocates. We shook hand and a deal was struck!

(The next shot has Paris putting herself in her armor suit and smiley face mask, followed by a shot of Satan giving instruction on the blood harvest)

Paris (v.o): The great thing about being allied with the devil is that he can get you whatever you want whenever you want it. So I asked for this suit of armor you see before you, and he gave it to me with no problems at all. Not long after that did he ask me of a favor. Apparently, his little boy got defeated in battle, and needs the blood of 100 mortals to be revived. He told me to collect said blood, break 13 stones or some shit, and then use that blood to revive Damien. I knew exactly what my first stop would be.

(The next shot has Paris killing her own family with that suit)

Paris (v.o): I killed everyone in my family, harvested their blood, and collected their fortune, allowing me to get a mansion of my very own! From there, I robbed countless New York City banks to get more money so I could come up with a plan to collect more blood. It took eight years, but I came up with the ultimate plan, which was this show: Death T.V.

(The next shot has Paris holding auditions for fighters that will represent her. Eventually, she finds Big Moe, Fish Man Jones, Little Johnny, and Hunter Jenkins and hires them)

Paris (v.o): After many auditions, I found some fighters that would represent me in my show. They were perfect, and I knew that they would get the job done properly.

(The next shot has Big Moe, Fish Man Jones, Little Johnny, and Hunter Jenkins fighting and killing the kids from North Park. We cut to a shot of Paris' henchmen draining the North Park kids' blood in an unknown room)

Paris (v.o): We did a test run of the show with those kids from North Park, and the public loved it! They got what they wanted, which was violence and great entertainment, and I got what I wanted, which as blood!

(The final shot is of Paris, dressed as Smiles, from the last episode, holding audition in South Park High School and coming across Sam and his friends)

Paris (v.o): After that, I set my sights on you hick town, I found you assholes again, and that brings us to today.

(End flashbacks)

Paris: So now you know.

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Okay, here's one thing I just realized. It took eight years between when Damien was sealed away and the present, when the advocates are running wild and harvesting blood. Couldn't you, or rather any of the other advocates, be harvesting blood all this time? I swear this fanfic has more plot holes than I thought it would.

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: If I didn't know any better, I'd say this fanfic was the writers' excuse for having us in epic over the top action scenes.

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Also, I'm pretty sure the real life Paris Hilton lives in Beverly Hills by herself, not in New York City with her family. She's going to be pissed if she ever read this.

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Yeah, the writer must be high on some kind of hallucinogen to be writing the stuff he's been writing. And I don't mean the type of hallucinogen that Trey or Matt would take, but one that is super powerful and would knock any normal person into a coma.

Paris: NO MORE FOURTH WALL BREAKS! (Everyone turns their attention to her) As far as the blood harvest issue is concerned, like I said, it took me eight years to come up with this plan. And besides, we advocates have lives outside of being…you know, advocates. We can't harvest blood all day every day.

Sophocles: Well, that's understandable.

Paris: Thanks. Anyway, that's enough talking. It's time we get back to fighting! I'm going kill the lot of you and harvest your blood when I'm done! (She grabs her smiley face mask, rips out the voice distortion machine within the mask, and places it back on her head as well as the fedora) It's time I show you what this suit is really capable of! Let's get physical!

(Cue So Cold from Mad World)

(Suddenly, four hands that are holding swords come out of the power suit: Two from the hips, one from the stomach, and one from the back)

Paris/Smiles: Lights, Camera, Bloodshed!

(She spins her sword arms around and attempts to slash our heroes, but the dodge out of the way)

(I'm so cold (so cold)! I'm so cold (so cold)! I'm so cold! Baby, I'm so cold! (x2))

Annie/Darling Dame: (Flies up in the air) Butterfly's Maelstrom!

(She fires her rainbow beams, but Paris/Smiles activates the boots of her suit, allowing her to run super fast. She runs so fast she dodges Annie's attack)

Paris/Smiles: Too slow, Suckerfly!

(Suddenly, Red, Ursula, Cody, Bebe, Alex Slave, Sophocles, and Jeffrey surround her and they take out their blades)

(I tell 'em cool the conversation, what you dealing with is nationwide! Live wire style, when he rock now your fixture fried! Word, I ain't fix to lie, truth what I be telling, right. I sell that grime raw, you forget to cut your ass will die. Yeah, that's a definite, my pimp game excellent. It's effortless, while y'all cats vibe sounding celibate)

Red/Madame Knight: Crazy Claymore!

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Razor Fan!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Virtuous Katana!

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Stevens' Special Sword!

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Chainsaw Slash

Sophocles: Scythe Full Swing!

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Radical Rapier!

(The seven saints charge with their blades, but by using her own four swords, two armored hands, and one foot, Paris blocks all seven of the saints' swords)

Paris/Smiles: Idiots! The armor suit that Satan made for me is so sturdy that your weak blades won't be able to make a scratch on it!

Clyde/Mosquito: Oh yeah? Mosquito Drill! (He flies through the air and attempts to hit Paris in the head, but she ducks while still blocking everybody else's blade)

Paris/Smiles: Enough!

(I'm so cold (so cold)! I'm so cold (so cold)! I'm so cold! Baby, I'm so cold! (x2))

(Paris pushes Red, Ursula, Cody, Bebe, Alex Slave, Sophocles, and Jeffrey back and knocks them on their asses)

Paris/Smiles: Anyone else feel brave?

Bridgette/Singing Angel: Right here! Simple Cymbals!

(She tosses them, but Paris catches them, surprising Bridgette)

Paris/Smiles: Heads up, bitch!

(Paris throws the cymbals back, and Bridgette ducks out of the way so she doesn't get hit)

(Yeah, the bottom line is y'all ain't fucking it right. I beat it up until them fucking guts busting inside. Cause he a what? Soldier! See, that man a problem. But ain't a motherfucker on this earth that can solve him. Feel like a young prize fighter with the pen. Punch lines like a shotgun caught you in the chin)

(Wendy and Doug appear on Paris' sides ready to attack as their boxing gloves ignite and freeze up)

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress & Doug/Cerulean Viper: Father-Daughter Combo!

(The both charge at Paris, but she jump high in the air, and Wendy and Doug end up hitting each other. Paris flips through the air, but Kurt and Sam are ready to shoot Paris down to end the game)

Kurt/Smith the Kid: Radiant Revolver!

Sam/Sir Justice: Bebe's Bullets!

(The two boys fire their guns, but they miss Paris entirely as she flips through the air in her jump. She eventually lands behind them and holds out her arms)

Paris/Smiles: You dumbasses don't even know who you're dealing with!

(She hits both boys with the forearms of her armor, knocking them to the floor)

Wendy/Fucshia Tigress: Sam!

Annie/Darling Dame: Kurt, no!

Sam/Sir Justice: (Gets up as does Kurt) Don't worry, we're fine! Just focus on Paris!

(The Saints continue their attack on Paris as we cut the audience, who are watching with anticipation)

(Listen close and listen good, you better dig. I'm only gonna throw this shit out there one time. And you better motherfucking right receive it. If you can't keep up, you might want to adjust your motherfucking tempo. I ain't talkin too fast, you're just listenin' too motherfucking slow)

(Kelly is in the audience, scared of the fight's outcome)

Kelly: (Covering her eyes) I can't watch!

(Cut to Maria and Apollo. Maria is also looking worried, while Apollo is looking on with much interest)

Apollo: This is the best thing I've ever seen!

Maria: How can you be enjoying this! They're getting creamed out there!

Apollo: Quit your bellyaching, sister, and enjoy this fight!

(So Cold fades out)

Maria: (To herself) Damn it. What can I do? I'm so helpless up here just watching the fight. These guys are good people that don't deserve this! There has to be something I can do to help. (She then looks over at Apollo and remembers what he told her)

(Flashback to last episode)

Apollo: Maybe you should try using your powers for evil at least once, sister!

(Back to present time)

Maria: (Thinking to herself) That's it! I've got to use my powers to help these guys. I don't even care if it'll make me a weirdo! I have to save those guys! They don't deserve death! I might not be using my powers for evil, but I never cared for a villain's lifestyle anyway.

(Back at the main arena, the saints are tired and beaten down)

Paris/Smiles: Well, I guess this is the part where I kill you all and take your blood. (Some needles come out of the back of her power suit) So just stay still and soon it will all be over.

Sam/Sir Justice: Shit.

(Suddenly, a small ring of pink energy comes out of nowhere)

Paris/Smiles: What the fuck is that?

(The Saints then hear Maria trying to talk to them telepathically)

Maria: Guys, hear me!

Red/Madame Knight: What's that voice?

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Maria? Is that you?

Maria: Just listen to me! That ring of pink energy you see before you. Use your strongest range attacks and throw it into that ring! I'll help you take out Paris.

Sam/Sir Justice: I don't know. Should we trust her?

Doug/Cerulean Viper: I say who cares! If she's offering to help us take down Paris, let's do as she says.

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Everyone, give your power to Maria!

Saints: Right!

Sam/Sir Justice: Falcon's Blast!

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Wrath of the Tigress!

Kurt/Smith the Kid: Moonshine Beam!

Annie/Darling Dame: Sunshine Lazer!

Bridgette/Singing Angel: Trumpet of the Gods!

Clyde/Mosquito: Mosquito Mob: Bug Bullets!

Red/Madame Knight: Arrows of Light!

Ursula/Samurai of Light: Petal Blizzard! (She fires petals from her sleeves, unlike her Blossom Storm attack, these petals harm the opponent as these petals are razor sharp)

Doug/Cerulean Viper: Viper's Cold Reception!

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Sleepy Seeds!

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Mighty Musket!

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: (Takes out a big electrified ninja throwing star from her bag) Shocking Shuriken!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Fantasia of Riches!

Sophocles: (His scythe starts to glow) Soul Chopper! (He swings his scythe and a wave of blue energy in the shape of the scythe's blade comes from it)

(All of the attacks go into Maria's ring, and once they do, the ring turns into a big ball of pink psychic energy. Everyone in the audience is amazed, including Kelly. Apollo is watching in shock and awe. He turns over to Maria, who has her eyes closed, and he gets a look of anger on his face, knowing that she's helping the Saints when she shouldn't be. Back on the main arena, Paris is just staring up at the big pink ball of energy in complete awe)

Paris/Smiles: Wha…What's….

Maria: Psycho Bomb!

(The ball of energy hits Paris and creates an explosion so big it blows the roof of the Pepsi Stadium right off. When the attack ends, Paris/Smiles has her mask and fedora blown off again, and she is knocked unconscious. A stadium worker walks up to Paris to check and see if she's alive. She is still breathing, but is knocked unconscious. Nevertheless, the audience cheers)

Sam/Sir Justice: We won? We won! OH MY GOD WE WON! WOOOOOOO!

(In the audience, Kelly smiles, happy that the saints won the fight, and she leaves the audience, but not before blushing after thinking about Sam)

Kelly: (Sighs and blushes) Oh Sam. You never cease to amaze me.

(Back on the arena floor, Sam runs up to a cameraman and his camera and starts shouting into it)

Sam/Sir Justice: Let it be known that this is the second and last episode of Death T.V! The Saints just took down Paris Hilton, baby! I didn't choose saint life, saint life chose me! Sir Justice out, bitch! (He punches the camera and cheers some more)

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Someone is rather fired up.

Doug/Cerulean Viper: I'll say.

(We then cut to everybody leaving the Pepsi Stadium and heading for home. Paris Hilton, having been stripped of her power suit and now wearing her usual pink bra and jean shorts, is seen getting loaded into a police car. We then see Apollo and Maria leave)

Maria: Apollo, you have to understand what I did.

Apollo: No, I don't understand, sister! Why would you help out the South Park Saints? I thought you understood that we are Murciélagos! We do not help people like them, we kill people like them! What you did just proves to me that you are not loyal to the Murciélago family name! I can't even look at you I'm so angry right now!

Maria: I already told you I'm not interested in what our family does. I want to make friends and be normal.

Apollo: If you want to make friends so much, why don't you just team up with those saints! You've already saved their hides, that's only the next logical step!

Maria: You know what, maybe I will! In fact, the next time I see them, I'm going to ask if I can join them.

Apollo: You do that. But you'll be dead to me if you do!

Maria: See if I care!

(They head for the bus stop that'll take them home as we cut to the saints, now back in their regular clothes)

Sam: You know something, guys.

Wendy: What's that, Sam?

Sam: Even though we almost died. I kind of had fun competing on that show.

Annie: Yeah, it was pretty awesome.

Clyde: Not only that, but it gave us all a chance to let off a little bit of steam, and that's always good.

Red: And if one really good thing came out of today, Ursula and I are finally together. This is the best day of my life!

Ursula: Best day of your life so far. You'll have plenty of others, darling.

Red: True, so true.

Jeffrey: So, what do you all say we head back to my place and order a couple of pizzas to celebrate?

Kurt: Oh yes!

Cody: You've read my mind, Mr. Stevens, sir!

Jeffrey: What are we waiting for? Let's go!

(Everybody piles into Jeffrey and Doug's cars and they head off for home. Meanwhile, in some forest near South Park, a shadowy figure is speaking with Satan through some kind of astral projection. We don't see what the figure looks like, but he is short and very chubby)

Satan: (In the astral projection) Tobias Shredder has burned out, and Paris Hilton has crumbled as well. As my third advocate, it now falls on you to harvest the blood I need. Do I make myself clear?

(The shadowy figure opens his red eyes and grins evilly, showing his sharp yellow teeth as the episode comes to an end)

TO BE CONTINUED…

(Credits theme: Bakusou Yume Uta from Soul Eater)

(Yotei chouwa wo kechirasu noizu iru youni katto niramu gankou. Shinobikonda gareeji de yumemiteta ano koro to kawaranu haato. Sou kyou to onaji ashita nante konee ze ore binkan ni bakusou. Utau shinzou kanaderu biito ikiteiru tashikana akashi wo.)

(Shot #1: The South Park Saints celebrate their victory over Paris Hilton with pizza and soda at the Stevens' Residence)

(Te ni shite ha ushinatte te ni shite ha ushinatte. Utsurou toki no naka de hito shirezu namida shita yoru ha koko ni atte subete ga tada jibun de. Sousa mada ikeru hazu daro)

(Shot #2: Maria and Apollo are sitting at the dining room table eating dinner, just staring at each other. Apollo uses his telekinesis to spill Maria's drink on her lap. Then, Apollo reaches for some salt to put on his food, but Maria uses her telekinesis to loosen the cap of the salt shaker, causing salt to pour all over Apollo's food)

(Kegarenaki hikari ga yamiyo wo tsuranuite. Kono toki ga towa da to ima inochi ga sakenderu. Hora kokoro no oku ni itsumo kimi ga utsuru yo. Mamorubeki shinjitsu wo tada daiteyukunda. Riyuu nantenai sa furueru tamashii yo aa)

(Shot #3: Paris Hilton arrives at the high security prison. When the other prisoners notice this, they cater to her every whim, giving her foot rubs, glasses of water, and asking for autographs. Justin is especially going crazy as the likes of Trent, Ethel, Max, and Tobias Shredder just stare at him)

(Koukai ha nai nante daitai uso sa tsuba to basu shadou
Ukeirero sono bun tsuyoku nareba ii sa karamawatte mou ichido
Sou kyou no jibun wo gomakaseru hodo kiyou janee kizuku to
Ima omou kanjiteru kitto kotae nante arya shinai kedo)

(Shot #4: Ursula and Red are out on their first date, getting brunch together. While waiting for their food to arrive, they give each other a quick peck on the cheek, causing the other restaurant patrons to stare. Ursula and Red give them a look that says, "Stop hating, bitches!"

(Deatte ha wakarete deatte ha tsunagatte
Yorisou seishun no kirameki yo taai nai hibi de sae mo
Subete ha koko ni atte subete ga utsukushikute
Demo mada tatakatteru kara)

(Shot #5: Wendy and Sam are at the movie theatre watching a movie. Little do they know, Kelly Rutherford-Menskin is sitting a few rows behind them, watching Wendy with envy as she grips the seat in front of her tightly)

(Kurikaesu mainichi no aranami ni nomaretemo
Mada yume kara samenu oretachi ha koko ni iru
Itsumo kikoetekuru nakamatachi no koe ga
Kodoku wo furiharau youni tokai no kaze no naka
Tada iku shikanai sa shinjita ikiyou wo aa)

(Shot #6: Cody is back to worrying about the remaining six advocates. Bebe is in Cody's room with him, and she places a hand on his shoulder as if saying, "Don't worry so much about the advocates." Cody sighs and the couple leave the room to spend time together)

(Samayoinagara Nanika wo kaeteiku tameni kawaru yuuki wo
Soshite nakushichainai nanimo kawarazu ni iru tsuyosa wo)

(Shot #7: A random circus tent appears in the forest. The owner of this circus is the same shadowy figure that was talking with Satan earlier)

(Kegarenaki hikari ga yamiyo wo tsuranuite
Kono shunkan ga eien da to ima inochi ga sakenderu
Hora kokoro no oku ni itsumo kimi ga utsuru yo
Mamorubeki shinjitsu wo tada daiteyuke)

(Shot #8: Millie is at the shooting range, practicing on some targets. She wants to be a useful member of the team. We cut Kevin Stooley, who is at South Park Laboratories getting more needles full of DNA from Dr. Mephesto)

(Kurikaesu mainichi no kouha ni nomaretemo
Mada yume kara samenu oretachi ha koko ni iru
Itsumo kikoetekuru nakamatachi no koe ga
Kodoku wo furiharau youni machi no kaze no naka
Tada iku shikanai sa shinjita ikizama wo aa
Riyuu nantenai sa furueru tamashii yo aa)

(Final Shot: All of the South Park Saints are gathered at Cody's Mansion to view their episode of Death T.V. They all sit back and enjoy the show, eating some snacks and enjoying each others' company)