South Park: The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints

by WildCard0531

Samuel Cooper is a young lad from Houston, TX. He also has a superhero alter ego known as Sir Justice. Watch as Sam goes through life fighting for his friends, the town, and later, the world. The reason I made this fanfic was because I was in the mood to make an anime esque adventure fanfic with South Park characters. Favorite if you wish. Enjoy! First entry in SPS Universe

10. Never Trust the Clown

The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints: Episode 9: Never Trust the Clown

(It's a Thursday afternoon in late April, about four days after our heroes fought Paris Hilton/Smiles, and two 10 year old boys are walking through the forest. One boy that has black hair and wearing a yellow shirt, red pants, and black shoes is leading another blonde haired boy that is wearing a green sweat shirt, blue jeans, and black shoes to some unknown location. Let's call the yellow shirt kid Warren and the green sweat shirt kid Robert)

Robert: What is it Warren? Why did you drag me out here?

Warren: I was just wandering around out here when I found the most amazing thing ever!

Robert: What is it!

(The eventually come up to a clearing and they arrive at their location)

Warren: Take a look!

(He points at a giant circus tent with yellow and blue stripes)

Robert: What the hell is a circus doing all the way out here?

Warren: Who cares? It's awesome!

(Suddenly, a short and fat clown appears in front of them in a puff of smoke. This clown's name is Dimitri Molarski)

(Dimitri is a short and fat clown, think Danny Devito in terms of body type, and he has usual clown make-up with a white face, red painted lips, and blue paint around his red eyes. He is wearing a red and yellow striped jester hat, white gloves, a white ruff around his neck, a blue and red striped shirt with small white ruffs at the ends of the sleeves, green pants with purple polka dots, and big red clown shoes)

Dimitri: Oh, ho, ho! Hello there, children!

Robert: Whoa! Who are you?

Dimitri: Ho, ho! I'm Dimitri Molarski, the best clown around! I see you two have come across my fabulous circus!

Warren: Yeah. It looks nice!

Dimitri: Why don't you boys come on in and have a look around?

(Warren and Robert follow Dimitri into the circus tent, and they are amazed at what they see. They see the seats where the audience usually sits, but on the main floor they see the trapeze where the acrobats would perform, a cannon for the human cannonball, weights for the strong man that are just lying around. It's everything you could imagine in a circus)

Robert: This is so cool!

Warren: I've never been to the circus before! So, when do the performers get here?

Dimitri: Why, my dear children! You are the performers today!

Warren: Whoa, really!

Dimitri: Oh, ho, ho, ho! Of course! That's why I made this tent, so that way kids like you can have fun! Go on, children, enjoy!

(Cut to a quick montage of Warren, Robert, and Dimitri having fun. They watch Dimitri fly out of the canon and into a huge net. The three of them then try and lift weights. Warren and Robert are using 10 lb weights, but Dimitri is able to lift a 5,000 lb weight over his head without breaking a sweat, and then he throws it like a baseball. Dimitri then makes Warren and Robert some cotton candy for the three of them, and they feast. The last shot in the montage is of Warren, Robert, and Dimitri swinging and having fun on the trapeze. The three of them fall and land in a big net underneath them. They then have a good laugh as Dimitri gets up and out of the net)

Dimitri: You boys sure know how to have fun. Say, you know what would be really fun?

Warren: What?

Dimitri: Is if I show you all my pet, Poochy!

Robert: Sure.

Dimitri: Perfect! Just stay right there on that net, and watch! (He takes out a green balloon, blows into it, and makes a dog balloon animal. He places it on the ground and it starts to move and bark like a real dog)

Robert: Wowie!

Warren: Too cool!

Dimitri: I'm glad you like him. He sure is cute, but trust me when I say…(Gets a malicious look in his eyes) He grows up like a weed!

(He snaps his fingers on his left hand and the net that Robert and Warren were sitting in capture them. He snaps the fingers on his right hand and Poochy grows up to a gigantic size and gets a visible mouth with sharp teeth and piercing red eyes)

Warren: What the hell!

Robert: Mr. Dimitri, stop!

Dimitri: (Floats to the top of his balloon poochy and rides on his back) Poochy, it's feeding time!

(Poochy growls and opens its mouth. Warren and Robert scream in terror as he devours them in one bite. We then cut to Dimitri holding two seltzer bottles full of the two boys' blood. He then giggles sadistically to himself as he places the two bottles into a bag that has about twenty other bottles)

Dimitri: Ah, children's blood! So sweet, so delicious, it's such a delicacy! (The gigantic Poochy lowers his head and Dimitri pets him) Good Poochy, who's my favorite balloon poochy! You are! (He giggles sadistically as he continues to admire the blood in his bag) Tobias and Paris may have failed in getting Master Damien the blood he needs, but I won't!

(Intro song: Resonance by T.M Revolution)

(The intro starts with the town of South Park, and a teenaged Damien looks down on the town from atop a hill)

(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara? Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka?)

(Enemy soldiers dressed in black are attacking the town and spreading chaos and destruction)

(Roku ni me mo awasazu unmei ni made karandeku Yukisaki moro kabutteru kuenai yoru wo hashire)

(The main characters that include teenaged Samuel/Sir Justice, Kurt/Smith the Kid, Bridgette/the Singing Angel, Ursula/Samurai of Light, Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress, Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens, Kenny/Mysterion, Cartman/Coon, Butters/Professor Chaos, Stan/Tool Shed, Kyle/Human Kite, Craig/DJ C-Rage, Tweek/Peppy Prince, Token/Tupper Wear, Clyde/Mosquito, Red/Madame Knight, Heidi/Fatal Feline, Annie/Darling Dame, Leon/Beo-Wolf, Mr. Slave/Glamorous Gardener, Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens, Doug/Cerulean Viper, Cody/Mr. Gentleman, Dr. Sophocles, and Mephesto and his genetic experiments charge into the town ready for the fight of their lives. They all fight off the soldiers)

(Fukaoi shisugita mabushisa ga warui yume ni tsuzuite mo)

(Damien appears along with his 13 commanders (6 of which are Trent, Justin, Ethel, Max, Tobias Shredder, and Paris Hilton in her Smiles mask and power suit). Our heroes look at each other, smirk, pull out their weapons and fight)

(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka? Deatta wake wa dou datte ii mikitsukerarete Fureta shunkan no kizu no fun dake tashika ni nareru)

(Damien steps forward ready to face our heroes, and they prepare to clash as the title of the fanfic, "The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints" appears)

(We cut to Friday morning at the Broflovski Residence, where 13 year old Ike Broflovski is ready to walk to school as he leaves out the front door)

(Ike is wearing a green sweatshirt with a yellow undershirt, blue jeans, and black shoes. He also decided to give his black hair a crew cut. He's carrying a dark blue backpack)

Ike: Bye mom!

Shiela: Okay, sweetie, have a great day at school. Also, Ike, be careful out there. I heard about these child abductions going on around here. Be aware of your surroundings.

Ike: I will mom, thanks.

(Ike begins to walk down the driveway to his house, and he passes his brother Kyle, who has just started his car so he can get to school. Kyle opens the window to the drivers' seat of the car and says…)

Kyle: Hey, Ike, you want a ride to school?

Ike: No thanks, Kyle. I'll be fine.

Kyle: Are you sure. I don't mind. Your school is in the same direction as mine. Plus I'm a little concerned about these child abductions. You're my little brother and it's my job to look out for you.

Ike: Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I promise you, I'm going to walk from school and back today like I always do, and you'll see me again at the end of the day.

Kyle: Okay, suit yourself. See you later (He drives off).

(We then cut to Ike, who is just walking down the street to get to school. Little does he know, Dimitri is eyeing him, as he's disguised as a fire hydrant)

Dimitri: (Chuckles to himself) Fresh blood! Yummy!

(A random dog comes up and pees on his fire hydrant disguise. In a puff of smoke, Dimitri goes back to his clown self. His eyes go completely red as his yellow teeth sharpen and he lets out a vicious roar. The dog runs away barking in fear as Dimitri sets his sights back on Ike. Dimitri disappears into the forest and continues to stare at Ike. An accordion then appears in his hands and he starts to play a song with a melody that's very similar to the Lavender Town theme as he sings this tune…)

Dimitri: (Singing) Come, come, come my child! Don't be afraid, I'm timid and mild! You want to have fun, I know you do. So how about we play, just me and you!

(Dimitri kept playing his accordion and singing this tune until Ike was completely entranced by the melody. Ike then wanders into the forest and follows the music. When Dimitri sees this, he makes leads Ike back to his circus tent and he sings the second verse)

Dimitri: (Singing) Yes, yes, right this way! I'll show you a place meant for fun and play! It's a special place, meant for you! Nobody around except us two!

(Ike follows Dimitri and his hypnotizing accordion music all the way to his circus tent)

(We cut to senior lunchtime at South Park High School. The teenage members of the South Park Saints, and also Kelly Rutherford-Menskin, are sitting at three tables close to each other, eating the lunch of the day: Bacon Cheeseburgers with a side order of curly fries. Here are the seating arrangements…)

(Table 1: Sam, Wendy, Kelly, Kurt, Annie, Red, and Ursula)

(Table 2: Bridgette, Clyde, Craig, Tweek, Cartman, Stan, Kyle)

(Table 3: Bebe, Millie, Kevin, Token, Butters, Kenny, and Heidi)

Tweek: (Eating his food he's never eaten anything before) Nom, nom, nom! I swear, they save the best food for last on Fridays.

Kenny: Ain't that the truth?

Kelly: Oh Sam, do you want me to feed you your fries.

Sam: (Chuckles to himself) Uh, thanks Kelly, but I'm perfectly capable of eating on my own.

Kelly: Nonsense, I insist.

Wendy: (Glares at Kelly) If Sam says he can feed himself, then he can feed himself.

Craig: This brings up an interesting question, Kelly. Why are you sitting with us? Don't you usually sit…somewhere over there?

Kelly: I felt like sitting with you guys today.

Millie: Yeah, right, you just want to get close to Sam.

Kelly: I guess I'm guilty as charged. But how can you not love a guy like Sam. He's smart, strong, and just sexy in general.

Sam: (Blushing at that statement as he turns to his Cartman, who looks like he's ready to tease him) Don't you say a word.

Cartman: (Tries to act innocent) Relax, I wasn't.

(Sam then looks to see Wendy glaring even harder at Kelly)

Sam: Hey, Wendy, are you okay?

Wendy: (Through gritted teeth) Everything is perfectly fine!

Kelly: Hey, Sam, where do you see us in ten years? Maybe we're married with children of our own?

Kenny: Oh crap, she's dropping the marriage and children bomb!

Sam: Let's not get carried away, Kelly. I mean, we're not even dating.

Kelly: We're not dating yet.

Sam: I need some time to think about it, Kelly.

Heidi: (Turns to Token) Speaking of dating, Token, I remember what you said at the cemetery the other day. I think I will take up that date at Pizza Hut.

Token: Oh, you still want to date me?

Heidi: Yeah.

Token: Well, here's the thing. Nichole decided to take me back, and I never got a reply back from you about that date, so Nichole and I are a thing again.

Heidi: Oh…well good for you then. (To herself) God damn it!

Clyde: So, Token, why did Nichole break up with you to begin with?

Token: Believe it or not, it's the man-bun.

Kurt: Seriously, your hair?

Token: Yeah, but she said she'd try and learn to love it, also stating that breaking up with somebody over a hairstyle is a stupid reason.

Butters: Well at least she learned her lesson.

Bebe: What lesson would that be, Butters?

Butters: It's not what's on the outside that matters, but it's what's on the inside that does matter. (Pounds his chest with the side of his fist) Poetic.

Bridgette: Wow, that's probably the smartest thing you've said in a while, Butters.

Butters: Thanks.

Stan: (Looks over at Heidi, and she notices)

Heidi: What's up, Stan?

Stan: Oh…nothing.

(Meanwhile, Maria is eyeing the saints from the other side of the cafeteria. Maria is carrying the book that Apollo was reading in an earlier chapter. She inhales deeply and makes her way over to them)

Maria: Hey, guys.

Wendy: Oh, Maria!

Maria: How are you all doing since that fight last weekend?

Kurt: We've been doing well. We also would've been dead if it weren't for you. Thank you so much for helping us.

Kevin: Yeah, we heard you helped out friends out in the last battle.

Maria: Well I couldn't stand by and watch you all get killed.

Ursula: That brings up an interesting question: Where did you learn that power you used against Paris Hilton?

Maria: That's actually kind of what I wanted to talk to you. Do you all think we can talk somewhere in private?

Kyle: Sure. I think there's a place behind the school by the dumpsters where we can all talk. Come on.

(Maria and the South Park Saints leave, and Kelly tries to follow)

Kelly: Can I come to.

Wendy: No!

(Kelly bows her head in sadness)

(Meanwhile, behind the school, the boy with the blue cap is letting off the stress of the day…by smoking a joint of marijuana. Suddenly, he hears Maria and the saints coming his way)

Blue Cap: Oh shit, I got to cheese it! (He quickly wipes away any smoke from his joint and runs away just as Maria and the saints arrive)

Kyle: Here we are. So what's up, Maria?

Maria: Well, you guys are going to want to brace yourselves when I tell you all this, but Apollo and I are not what we seem. The truth is that we have…powers.

Clyde: You mean like the kind you used to help us take down Paris Hilton?

Maria: Yes. That is just a small portion of what I can do. My brother and I can create bombs, arrows, and just about anything with psychic energy. We also possess telekinetic abilities that allow us to move things to our will. Watch this…

(She points over at a bike rack, and using her mind, she loosens up one of the bike chains, raises the kick stand, and the bike falls over on its side)

Stan: Holy shit.

Millie: Maria, how long have you been like this.

Maria: This is where the crazy part kicks in, but Apollo and I have had these powers for about…1,000 years.

Bebe: 1,000 years? But that's impossible. You and Apollo are 18 just like the rest of us.

Maria: That's because Apollo and I used our magic to transfer our souls and memories into the bodies of our descendants. This has to be about the 50th body since he and I were created.

Butters: I'm confused right now? What are you saying?

Maria: I knew you guys would have a hard time believing me, which is why I managed to take this book without my brother knowing.

(She opens the book and shows them the pages. The page shows Carlos in some secret dungeon creating Apollo and Maria by throwing a mixture of his magic and some of his own blood into a cauldron of some kind of green liquid. Apollo and Maria are then shown rising out of the cauldron, albeit naked)

Maria (v.o): A long time ago, our father, Carlos Murciélago, leader of the evil organization known as the Incubus, and Champion of the Dream Crystal, one of nine powerful crystals created at the birth of all existence, squared off against the great warrior, Luther Von Cooper III, and he created us in case he fell in battle so that we may continue his legacy of darkness.

(Back to reality)

Maria: I had no interest in continuing my father's legacy. My brother would get angry with me whenever I didn't obey my father's wishes. I just don't see the point in spreading discord and chaos. Can't we all just live peacefully?

Sam: Hold on, back up. Did you just say your father was Carlos Murciélago? Did he have silver hair, black robes, golden pants, brown boots?

Maria: You saw my father?!

Sam: Yeah. I had a dream one night about five years ago where me, a bunch of random kids, and two older folks that looked like Kyle and Wendy took on this man that I just described to you. You're telling me that man was your father?

Maria: Yes! And you said you saw him in your dream?

Sam: Mmm-hmm. (Nods head) What was he doing in my dream though?

Maria: Before he sealed himself away after the battle with Luther, he took a small fragment of the Dream Crystal before giving the rest of it to me and Apollo to hide it. My guess is he used that fragment to travel through the minds of others. I don't know why he wanted to do that, but I'm sure he had some reason. The Dream Crystal not only powers up his abilities, but also it allows him to see the dreams of others or makes dreams become reality.

Clyde: That sounds awesome! (Everyone looks at him) I mean, evil.

Tweek: Your father sounds like a major creep.

Maria: Believe me, he is. Anyway, onto the next portion of this meeting: I think it's time I join you guys and become a South Park Saint.

Cartman: Gee, Maria, we'd love to have you a part of our team, but we already have almost 30 people, so we're going to have to say…

Sam: (Cuts him off) Sure.

All Saints: What?

Maria: You mean it?

Sam: Sure, you can join us.

Maria: (Gets giddy) Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Wendy: (Whispers in Sam's ear) Uh, Sam, what are you doing. We already have about 27 people on our team. We don't need any more members. I'm pretty sure the writer of this fanfiction is going to get wound up if we get more characters.

Sam: I don't care about that. I think she'd be a great asset to the team for a two reasons. First off, we could use another female saint member, because the male-female ratio is way off.

Annie: He's got a point.

Sam: And second, we could use somebody with powers like hers. We'd be unbeatable!

Annie: And another good point. Alright, I'm sold. Let her in.

(The other saints agree and Maria is now a part of the South Park Saints)

Maria: Thank you very much for accepting me. I just need to make a disguise so nobody will recognize me.

Craig: Why do you have to worry about people recognizing you? People already know that we're the South Park Saints.

Maria: Yes, but unlike you guys, I have legitimate superpowers, and people will think I'm a freak. And naturally, people will assume the same of Apollo, and they'll mock him even worse if that happens. So this disguise is meant to protect our good names.

Craig: Whatever helps you sleep at night, Maria.

Butters: There's just one thing that I noticed as you were telling the story, Maria. You mentioned someone named Luther Von Cooper III. Why does that name sound so familiar.

Sam: That's because Luther Von Cooper III is my ancestor from 1,000 years ago. When I was a kid, my parents would often tell me stories of his great triumphs every night before I went to sleep. I think I have him to thank for my fighting spirit.

Bridgette: It's true. His parents told the stories to us when Kurt, Ursula, Justin, and I would come over to play.

Red: Sounds a little farfetched, Sam.

Sam: Don't believe me, look on one of those family tree websites.

Red: Trust me, I will.

Sam: Anyway, Maria, I guess we'd better find Principal Stevens, Mr. Testaburger, and Mr. Slave and tell them that the South Park Saints have a new member. We'll introduce you to Cody, Leon, Dr. Mephesto, and Dr. Sophocles later.

Maria: Golly, how many members are there.

Cartman: Too many.

(They head for Principal Stevens' office, and we cut to said office, where Jeffrey is talking with a soaking wet Apollo, who is shivering due to the water and growling in anger)

Jeffrey: Okay, Apollo, explain to me what happened.

Apollo: (Takes a deep breath) Okay, sir. But allow me to explain through flashback…

(Flashback time)

(We cut to earlier that day when Apollo made it to next class late. He is clearly out of breath and sweating since he ran all the way there)

Apollo (v.o): I was running late for my history class, and I was very tired upon arrival.

(In the flashback, Sam turns his attention towards Apollo)

Sam: Hey, Apollo, you look pretty beat. (He takes out a bottle of water from his pocket) You should stay hydrated. I packed an extra bottle. It's yours if you want it.

Apollo: I don't need your pity, Justice Boy.

Sam: Okay, sorry, just trying to be nice.

(Behind him, the likes of Jason and the blue cap boy take notice. We then cut to a few periods later when Apollo is walking towards his locker. Upon arriving to his locker, he finds a message written in black marker that reads, "Hydrate yourself, nerd!" A bunch of other students are gathered around the locker to see)

Apollo (v.o): They left an awful message on my locker. No doubt someone overheard me in history class, and decided to prank me by vandalizing my locker. I thought this was just a random act of vandalism against me…but I was wrong.

(Apollo tries to open the locker, and when he does, a whole bunch of water balloons pour all over him, soaking him in cold water and knocking him to the floor. The students that were in the area laugh at him as he gets up. Apollo just stares into his locker for a while, until the students leave. Even when they leave, Apollo is just staring into his locker with anger)

(End flashback)

Apollo: How the fuck did they even get my locker combination?!

Jeffrey: This is very serious. Do you know who did it?

Apollo: No! It could be anyone in this school! Everyone hates me, and meanwhile, I didn't do shit to them.

Jeffrey: I understand your anger. (He takes a dismissal slip from out of his folder) Why don't you go home for the rest of the day and take a break (He fills the slip out and gives it to Apollo). If you need tomorrow off to calm down I just need you to e-mail me and I'll let you know. I'm very sorry about all of this Apollo.

Apollo: Don't fret, Principal Stevens. Soon, they will all pay. They will know my wrath when it hits them in the face. You'll see…you'll all see! (He leaves)

Jeffrey: I should really keep a closer eye on that kid and make sure he doesn't go postal. (He pulls out one of the draws to his desk and looks at his Sgt. Stevens costume and weapons) I always have my persona on standby just in case something like a shooting breaks out.

(Suddenly, Maria and the South Park Saints enter the office)

Jeffrey: Oh, hello! What can I do you for?

Sam: Mr. Stevens, say hello to the South Park Saints newest member! (Points at Maria)

Jeffrey: Oh, Maria! You're Apollo's brother, right?

Maria: That's right.

Jeffrey: I just want to thank you for helping us on Death T.V the other day. We couldn't have defeated Paris Hilton without you. But the question still stands, where did you get those powers from.

Maria: Well, as I've explained to these guys over here. I was created about 1,000 years ago and…

(5 minutes later)

Maria: …So that's the whole story.

Jeffrey: I see. So you and Apollo are 1,000 year old magic users, and that's how you managed to save us from Paris?

Maria: Exactly, sir.

Jeffrey: Very interesting. This is a lot to take in, and honestly, I'm having a tough time believing it…of course with some of the shit that has been happening as of late, I'm willing to believe just about anything and everything at this point. But nevertheless, I'd like to welcome you to the South Park Saints, Maria.

(Maria and Jeffrey shake hands)

Maria: Thank you sir. So, from what I understand, you guys are after some advocates. What do you say after school, we continue the search?

Craig: Sounds like a plan.

Maria: Wonderful.

(Suddenly, our heroes hear someone screaming…it's Cody)

Cody: (From outside the principal's office) Mr. Stevens, Mr. Stevens, Mr. Stevens! (He crashes into the office's door. Bebe opens the door and picks Cody up)

Bebe: Cody, honey, are you okay?

Cody: I'm fine, darling, thanks for asking. I might get a little swelling, but it's nothing that a little ice pack won't fix.

Jeffrey: Where's the fire, Cody?

Cody: Okay, I'm sure you all have heard about the child abductions that have been going on in South Park, right.

Ursula: Of course we've heard about them.

Token: Yeah. Every time we turn on the news, it's all people talk about.

Cody: Well, naturally, I start to think that if these children are never seen after their respective abductions, what if the perpetrator is another one of the Devil's Advocates?

Cartman: Oh boy, there goes Cody worrying again.

Cody: I don't know how right I am. It's just a theory, but I'm just saying that these advocates have turned out to be stranger people.

Sam: He is right. There have been stranger choices for advocates. I never would've guessed that celebrities like Tobias Shredder or Paris Hilton would be in cahoots with the devil.

Cody: Exactly. So there is a possibility that's what we're dealing with. Granted, it's a slim possibility, but a possibility nonetheless.

(Suddenly, the principal office phone rings, and Jeffrey picks it up)

Jeffrey: Hello? (Talking on the other end) What!? He's here right now. I'll put him on the phone, Mrs. Broflovski. (Looks over at Kyle) Kyle, it's for you.

Kyle: (Takes the phone) Hello? Mom, what's wrong? (Talking on the other end) What!? Really?! Okay, thanks, I'll see you at home. (Hangs up)

Stan: What is it, Kyle?

Kyle: It's my brother, Ike….he's been kidnapped.

(Everyone gasps in shock as we cut to the Broflovski Residence later in the afternoon. The police have just left the premises as we cut to Cody, Maria, and Kyle sitting in the living room of the house with a very distraught Sheila and Gerald)

Sheila: (Sobbing) Ike…

Gerald: Don't worry, hon, I'm sure Ike is fine.

Kyle: This is unbelievable. I should've never let Ike go off on his own. I should've told him to ride with me to school.

Gerald: It's not your fault, son. You're not the one who kidnapped him.

Kyle: I know. But I wish I was there to prevent this.

Sheila: What are we going to do, Gerald?

Gerald: The police said they'll do everything in their power to get Ike home.

Sheila: What's the point in sending the police after the kidnapper? They didn't catch him with the other kidnappings. What makes them think that this time will be different?

Maria: Because we're going to go after this kidnapper ourselves.

Gerald & Sheila: Huh?

Maria: You heard me. As the South Park Saints' newest member, I promise you that you'll see Ike again.

Kyle: Maria, how can you be so sure?

Maria: I'll tell you all, but your parents have to promise not to tell anyone else about this.

Gerald: Okay, we promise. Just tell us what you plan on doing.

Maria: Alright. I have powers that are beyond human comprehension. These powers allow me to lift things, fight with psychic energy, and find certain people.

Sheila: You can use your powers to find Ike?

Maria: Yes. I just need to see a picture of him so that way I can pick up on his aura and maybe get his location.

Gerald: You want a picture, here. (He takes out a wallet sized photo of Ike and shows it to Maria)

Maria: Thank you, sir. Here goes nothing.

(She closes her eyes and activates her powers. She opens them, and her eyes are now glowing pink. We cut to inside her mind where we see the forest, then the circus tent, and finally, Ike just sitting in a cage inside said tent. We then cut back to reality)

Maria: I see him! He's in some kind of circus tent in the woods.

Gerald: A circus tent?

Maria: It sounds weird, but trust me, I saw it! (Turns to her two friends) Kyle, Cody, come with me! I may need your assistance.

Cody: You got it. Just give us a few moments to get our costumes and weapons ready.

Maria: Okay, meet me at entrance to the Vista Hiking Trail in 20 minutes.

Kyle: Vista Hiking Trail, 20 minutes. Got it!

Maria: Excellent. Let's go get Ike back!

(Maria and Cody leave to get their costumes as Kyle goes up to his room to do the same. But before Kyle disappears, his parents call up to him)

Gerald: Kyle, if you're really serious about doing this…just please be careful.

Kyle: I will dad. Trust me when I say that we'll bring this kidnapper to justice, and that Ike will be home safe and sound by the end of the night. (Goes up to his room)

(20 minutes later at the entrance to the Vista Hiking Trail, Cody and Kyle are dressed in their personas, ready to go after Ike)

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Well, Maria said we'd meet here in 20 minutes, and she's not here.

Kyle/Human Kite: Give her time.

Maria: Yoo-hoo, boys!

(The two boys turn around to find Maria in her persona. She is wearing a plain white bathrobe, a white squid hat with glowing eyes, white bear claw slippers, white framed sunglasses, and white gloves)

Maria: What do you think of my persona?

Kyle/Human Kite: You look like you're ready for bed.

Maria: Think again, Kite Boy! I am the White Mind Maiden….the name is still in the works.

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: I like it. You're dressed in white, and your powers come from your mind, so I think it fits.

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Thank you.

(The three teens take time to look into the forest)

Kyle/Human Kite: So, is Ike really in there?

Maria/White Mind Maiden: I saw it in my vision. I know he's in there. Come on, follow me.

(The three teens go into the forest. Using her powers, Maria leads Cody and Kyle through the forest to where she saw Dimitri's circus tent)

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: How much further, Maria?

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Just a little further, Cody. We'll be there soon.

(And soon they arrived indeed. Not long after that, they come across a clearing where they find the circus tent)

Kyle/Human Kite: Whoa! There really is a circus tent out in the woods.

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: And Ike is in there?

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Precisely (She notices something). Get down!

(Suddenly, Dimitri walks out of his circus tent, and the three teenagers duck into some bushes)

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Who is he?

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: He appears to be a clown of some kind.

Kyle/Human Kite: You think that clown kidnapped, Ike?

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Probably. (They see Dimitri go off into the forest somewhere) He's gone. Now's our chance, follow me!

(The three teenagers leave their hiding spot and enter the circus tent. Upon entering the tent, our heroes start to look for Ike)

Kyle/Human Kite: Ike, where are you! Answer if you can hear me!

Ike: Kyle? Is that you? I'm up here! Help me!

(Kyle, Cody, and Maria look up at the tent's ceiling to find Ike dangling up there in his cage)

Kyle/Human Kite: Ike, there you are!

Ike: Get me down from here!

Kyle/Human Kite: Don't worry, Ike, I'm coming! (He starts to fly upwards towards the cage, the knife at the top of his kite ready to cut Ike down. But before he can do anything, Maria senses something…)

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Ah!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Maria, what's wrong?

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Something's coming fast. And it's coming right at Kyle! (Calls up to him just as Kyle made it to the ropes holding Ike's cage up) Kyle, get out of the way?

Kyle/Human Kite: Huh?

(Kyle looks behind him to find a giant beach ball flying towards him)

Dimitri: Clown Surprise, coming at you!

(The ball hits Kyle and it explodes, sending Kyle flying back towards the ground)

Ike: Kyle!

(Cody and Maria come to Kyle's aid)

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Kyle, are you okay?

Kyle/Human Kite: I'm fine.

Dimitri: Well, well, well. What have we here? It seems that a trio of rats have wandered into my circus, and they're trying to make off with my blood.

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Blood, huh? I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you're the third advocate?

Dimitri: You're correct sir! I am Dimitri Molarski! And I'm willing to bet that you three are some of these Saints that Satan warned me about. So what brings you killjoys here?

Kyle/Human Kite: That's my brother you have up there! We're here to rescue him.

Dimitri: You're here to rescue him? My, what a wonderful display of brotherly love! It makes me sick.

Kyle/Human Kite: The fact that you are killing innocent children and harvesting their blood makes us sick. So listen, we have a deal for you. Why don't you give up on harvesting blood, give me my brother back, and maybe we'll let you go peacefully.

Dimitri: Oh, ho, ho! You expect me to do what you say just because you're the hero of this story?

Kyle/Human Kite: It was worth a try.

Dimitri: Now here's my proposition! You can either leave now and never come back, or I can harvest both your blood, and your brothers' blood…I like my plan better, so let's get this over with.

(Dimitri reaches into his own mouth and pulls out a sword)

Maria/White Mind Maiden: I've heard of sword swallowing, but that's ridiculous.

Dimitri: (Whistles) Oh, Poochy, we have dinner guests!

(Out of nowhere, the giant dog balloon animal lands in front of our heroes, and Dimitri floats up towards it and rides its back)

Dimitri: Oh, ho, ho! This is going to be fun!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: (Thinking to himself) Damn, I don't think the three of us are enough to handle this guy. We need more of our friends.

(He looks over at Maria and Kyle, who are ready to fight. Cody then holds up his staff, and the ruby on it starts to glow)

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Fortune Bubble!

(He slams his staff down, and before Maria and Kyle know it, they are surrounded by a protective bubble)

Kyle/Human Kite: Cody, what are you doing?

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Just find more of our friends and come back here! I'll try and fight this guy as long as I can!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Don't be foolish, Cody! You don't stand a chance against this clown!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: I know, but I've got to try. (With a wave of his staff, the bubble goes flying) Just find our friends and hurry back! Good luck!

Kyle & Maria: CODY!

Dimitri: Do you really think you can stand up to me? You might look smart in that costume, but you are an absolute idiot!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: I never really thought of myself as the scholarly type. But enough talk, I'm going to take you down (Takes out his katana) Let's go!

Dimitri: Oh, ho, ho! You're arrogance will be your downfall, boy-o! Poochy, charge! (Poochy and Dimitri run up to Cody)

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: RAAAAAAAAHHHH! (He charges up to the duo and they prepare to clash)

(We then cut to Maria and Kyle, who float back to the outside of the Vista Hiking Trail. The bubble that Cody made pops, and Maria and Kyle begin to worry about Cody)

Kyle/Human Kite: We've got to go back for Cody! He doesn't stand a chance, Maria!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Don't worry about him, Kyle. You heard what Cody said, we have to find our friends for reinforcements. Which one of the Saints do you know are available?

Kyle/Human Kite: I think Leon gets off of work now. We should ask him. (They see Leon's car as he drives down the road) There he is now!

(The two teens jump in front of the car and stop Leon)

Leon: Hey, what are you guys doing? Who is that girl you're with, Kyle?

Kyle/Human Kite: Leon, this is Maria. She's the new addition to the South Park Saints. We'll talk more later. Right now, my brother Ike and Cody are in trouble! They've been kidnapped by a clown that's also the third advocate, and now he's going to harvest their blood!

Leon: Really?

Kyle/Human Kite: Yeah! We have to round up some of the others and go after them.

Leon: Okay, who should I go after?

Kyle/Human Kite: Leon, see if you can find Sam, and tell him to call Wendy. Maria, I need you to find Cartman, Tweek, and Token. I'll go on and look for Bebe, Mr. Stevens, Mephesto, Sophocles, Mr. Slave, and Kevin and Millie.

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Why Kevin and Millie?

Kyle/Human Kite: I hear that they are trying to learn how to fight alongside us. They'll use this mission to show us what they have. Anyway, do we all know what our jobs are?

Maria: Got it.

Kyle/Human: Okay. I think the people I requested should be a reasonably sized posse. Let's go!

(The three saints split up and look for their assigned members. We first cut to Leon, who pulls his car up to the driveway of the Cooper Residence. Leon leaves his car and knocks on the door. Sam doesn't answer, but he hears the music of Ludacris' Roll Out and a vacuum cleaner. Leon looks through the window to see Sam vacuuming the living room and singing along to the music)

Sam: (Singing) I got my twin glock .40s, cocked back! Me and my homies, so drop that! We rolling on twenties, with the top back! So much money, you can't stop that! I got my twin glock .40s, cocked back! Me and my homies, so drop that! We rolling on twenties, with the top back! So much money, you can't stop that!

(As Sam is vacuuming, he takes a glance at the window and sees Leon. Sam gets startled, turns off his vacuum, turns off the music and lets Leon in)

Sam: (Opening the door for Leon) Howdy, Leon. What's up?

Leon: Cody has been kidnapped.

Sam: What?

Leon: That's right. Apparently, he, Kyle, and Maria tried to go look for Ike, they found him in a circus tent, but some clown that also happens to be an advocate caught them in the act, and now he has both Ike and Cody. Now Kyle wants me to enlist yours and Wendy's help. Can you call her right now?

Sam: Of course. (He takes out his cell phone) Where are we meeting up at?

Leon: They said the Vista Hiking Trail. You and Wendy meet us there in your costumes. I'll see you there!

(He leaves as Sam continues to call Wendy. We then cut to South Park Laboratories where Mephesto is showing Kevin the new DNA samples, Millie is admiring the guns Sophocles has given her, and Sophocles and Mr. Slave are trying to upgrade Mr. Slave's chainsaw so that it can also be part gun)

Alex Slave: So I was thinking that maybe I should upgrade my saw blades to sharpened diamonds.

Sophocles: Why diamonds?

Alex Slave: Diamonds are the hardest material on the planet. Can you imagine if I had diamond saw blades? Not only would I be kicking major ass, but I'd look fabulous while doing it.

Sophocles: If that's what you want. You're the boss. (Continues to work on the chainsaw)

(The tranquility is broken when Kyle flies through the window and crashes into the wall)

Sophocles: I have a door you know.

Kyle/Human Kite: Sorry about that, Dr. Sophocles.

Mephesto: What brings you here, Kyle?

Kyle/Human Kite: We found the third advocate, some clown named Dimitri Molarski. We need your help to take him down. He's kidnapped my brother and Cody, and….

Sophocles: My nephew's in trouble! (Shrieks) Hang on, Cody, Uncle Sophocles is coming to the rescue! (Grabs his scythe and runs out of the lab super fast)

Alex Slave: Wait, what about my chainsaw! These diamond blades won't install themselves!

Sophocles: (From a distance) Fuck your stupid blades! Your Chainsaw Gun is enough!

Alex Slave: Whatever.

Kyle/Human Kite: Anyway…we're all meeting up at the Vista Hiking Trail.

Mephesto: Sure, we'd be glad to help. Let me just get my newest experiment and we'll meet you there.

Kevin: (Stares at the briefcase full of DNA samples) Looks like it's time to see what goodies Mephesto gave me.

Millie: And it looks like it's time to see what these babies can do. (Her guns include two shot guns strapped to her back, and a flare gun, a small grenade launcher, a blue pistol that fires ice beams, a stun gun, and a spear gun attached to a brown belt) I'm ready to rock!

Alex Slave: We'll gear up in our costumes and we'll meet you at the hiking trail, Kyle.

Kyle/Human Kite: Excellent. I just have to get a few more people and I'll see you there.

Alex Slave: Got it!

(Cut to the local ice cream parlor, where Cartman, Token, and Tweek are eating some fudge sundaes with vanilla ice cream)

Cartman: (Devouring his sundae) Nice ice cream parlor, Tweek.

Tweek: Thanks. It got pretty good reviews on sites like Yelp and Trip Advisor.

Token: They deserve them because holy crap this ice cream is good!

Tweek: That's because it's homemade. I hear they use special ingredients from France.

Token: I totally have to take Nichole here on one of our dates.

Tweek: You should, she'd love it.

(As that's happening, Maria busts through the door and runs towards the three boys' table)

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Guys!

Token: Maria? How'd you find us!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Hello, I have powers! Remember?

Token: True. So what's up?

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Cody's in trouble! The third advocate kidnapped him! He's also the one who kidnapped Ike.

Tweek: What…Really? We got to go!

Cartman: You guys go on ahead, I'll catch up. I'm busy eating my sundae.

Maria/White Mind Maiden: So you'd rather eat than help your friends. (Pulls a coupon out of her robe pocket) Okay, then I guess you don't want a buy one sundae get one free coupon.

Cartman: T-Two sundaes!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: I was thinking about giving you this coupon as compensation for helping me, but if you'd rather sit back and stuff your face, I guess I'll have to give this coupon to either Tweek or Token.

Cartman: Did I say I'd rather eat my sundae? What I mean to say is that I would love to help you guys!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: I knew you'd see things my way. (Gives him the coupon)

Token: Hey, not fair! I'm the one with the girlfriend! I get one sundae and she gets the free one!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Don't care about that right now! Get your butts in gear, grab your costumes, and meet me at the Vista Hiking Trail!

(The four teens leave as we cut to Kyle knocking on the door to the Stevens' Residence. Mrs. Stevens is the one who answers the door)

Mrs. Stevens: Oh, you're one of Bebe's friends, right?

Kyle/Human Kite: That's right. My name is Kyle Broflovski. Are Bebe and Mr. Stevens home?

Jeffrey: Up here!

(Kyle looks up to find Jeffrey Stevens just sitting on the roof of his house)

Kyle/Human Kite: Mr. Stevens, why are you sitting on the roof?

Jeffrey: I find it rather calming up here. I don't know what it is?

Kyle/Human Kite: Can you come down here, it's important.

(Jeffrey jumps down from the top of the roof and sticks the landing)

Jeffrey: What's up?

Kyle/Human Kite: As you know, my brother Ike has been kidnapped. So Cody, Maria and I decided to go after him, and we found the third advocate. But Cody got kidnapped in the process. We're rounding up a small posse to go back and save him. You in?

Jeffrey: (Turns to his wife) Darling, do you mind?

Mrs. Stevens: Not at all. And I'll have dinner ready on the table when you and Bebe get back.

Jeffrey: (Hugs her) Wonderful.

Kyle/Human Kite: So where's Bebe?

Jeffrey: She's upstairs, but…

Kyle/Human Kite: Thanks. (He runs inside and heads up the stairs)

Jeffrey: No wait! (He chases after him)

(We cut to the bathroom where Bebe is happily taking a bubble bath)

Bebe: (Sighs contently) Nothing like a nice hot bath after such a long day. (She sinks into the tub so that only her head is showing) So peaceful. I don't think anything can ruin such a beautiful moment.

(Just then, Kyle busts into the bathroom, catching Bebe's attention)

Kyle/Human Kite: Bebe, are in he-Holy Shit!

Bebe: (Tries to cover up her privates) AAAAHHHH! Kyle, what the hell!

Kyle/Human Kite: (Stuffs some toilet paper up his nose to stop a nosebleed as he covers his eyes) I'm sorry, Bebe. I had no idea! Don't get mad at me!

Jeffrey: (From the hallway) Tried to warn you not to go in there.

Bebe: (Dries herself off and puts on a fluffy pink bathrobe) You can open your eyes now, Kyle. (He does so) So why the hell did you think it was necessary to barge in on my private time?

Kyle/Human Kite: It's important!

Bebe: Whatever it is, couldn't it have waited until after my bath!

Kyle/Human Kite: No, just hear me out! So Cody, Maria and I went into the woods after the guy that kidnapped my brother. But before we could free him, the kidnapper found us, and it turned out to be the third advocate!

Bebe: Mmm-hmm.

Kyle/Human Kite: We were about to fight the advocate when Cody saved us, but now I think he's in trouble and…

Bebe: (Gasps with shock) The advocate has Cody!

Kyle/Human Kite: That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Bebe: (With fire in her eyes) Where…

Kyle/Human Kite: Uh…Vista Hiking Trail.

Bebe: Fuck my bath! I'm out for blood now! You mess with my Codykins, you mess with me! I'll see you there, Kyle.

Kyle/Human Kite: Excellent.

(We then cut to a few moments later where Maria, Leon, and Kyle regroup at the Vista Hiking Trail entrance. Leon is in his Beo-Wolf costume. After a while, the Saints that they were assigned to get arrive at the entrance as well. While everyone else took a car, Sam and Wendy took Sam's motorcycle. They all get out of their means of transportation and meet up with the three heroes. Mephesto has a new monstrosity that appears to have the head and feet of a crocodile and the body and tail of a wolf)

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: (Looks at the wolf/crocodile hybrid) Okay, what is that thing?

Mephesto: Meet the Wolfodile! I created him just yesterday.

Millie: Of course you did.

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Glad to see you all could make it. Are you ready to go save Ike and Cody?

Cartman/Coon: You know it. Just make sure you give me that coupon after this.

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Trust me, you'll get your coupon. Now let's go!

(The group of 16 head into the forest, ready to fight)

Kyle/Human Kite: Don't worry, Ike, we're coming to save you!

Sophocles: I hope Cody is okay.

Token/Tupper Wear: Don't worry, doc, I'm sure Cody is just fine.

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: This advocate better look out. Because when I find him, I'm going to drag him onto the sidewalk and beat him until he PISSES BLOOD!

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Wow, you have a lot of anger in you, Bebe.

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: You'd be mad too if someone threatened to hurt your boyfriend!

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: (Looks over at Sam and blushes) Yeah, I guess I would.

Sam/Sir Justice: You say something, Wendy?

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Uh…nothing. Let's just keep forging ahead.

Sam/Sir Justice: Right! Saints, ho!

(As the saints keep marching on, Kevin and Tweek approach Sam and quietly talk to him)

Kevin: I think Wendy has a thing for you, Sam.

Sam/Sir Justice: You think so?

Tweek/Peppy Prince: Yeah. We saw how she was looking at you. She likes you big time.

Sam/Sir Justice: You know something. I always thought she was a cute kid when we were younger, and she's still a cutie now. Not only that but she treats me pretty well, and I treat her well, and we don't fight often. To tell you the truth, I have played around with the concept of Wendy and me dating on more than one occasion. I was just always nervous about asking her what she thinks. But now that I know she has feelings for me, that just puts a whole new spin on things.

Kevin: You should go ahead and do it before someone else sweeps her off her feet.

Sam/Sir Justice: I don't know. I mean, how will her parents react to the news? Also, we've been friends for eight years. So becoming more than friends will feel surreal as fuck.

Tweek/Peppy Prince: Being boyfriend and girlfriend isn't too different from being just regular friends. The only difference is that you guys can do things like kiss, cuddle, and…(makes bed rocking noises)…and not feel weirded out by it. Bottom line, if you really like Wendy that way, ask her out.

Sam/Sir Justice: You know what. You guys are right. I should ask her out. The next chance I get, I'm doing it.

Kevin: Attaboy!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Guys this is it!

(The 15 saints and 1 animal hybrid come up to the clearing and see the giant circus tent)

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: So that's where the next advocate is hiding out at, eh?

Maria/White Mind Maiden: It's also where Ike and Cody are being held captive.

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: I'm going in swords blazing! Nobody stop me!

Sam/Sir Justice: Hang on, Bebe. This advocate is probably expecting us to use the front door. Right now, we have the element of surprise. Let's not waste it. I say we see if there's a back entrance we can use.

(The saints try and look for a secret entrance to use, but they are being spied on by Dimitri and one of his party balloons that has a security camera attached to it)

Dimitri: Mmm-mmm-mmm! More blood, yummy!

(He snaps his fingers and a secret entrance randomly appears in the form of a cellar door that goes somewhere underground. Our 16 heroes come across it)

Sam/Sir Justice: See, I told you guys if we looked hard enough there'd be a secret entrance. (He opens the cellar door and motions for Wendy to enter) Ladies first.

(Instead, Bebe comes charging in first)

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Hold on, Codykins! I'm coming for you!

(Everyone looks on in confusion as a result)

Mephesto: Give her credit, she has dedication to her job.

(Everyone else goes into the secret entrance and they come across the beginning of an amusement ride similar to the likes of Splash Mountain with a small boat sitting in a small stream)

Millie: Check it out. It's some kind of log flume ride.

Cartman/Coon: Cool. You think this will take us to the circus tent?

Leon/Beo-Wolf: Probably

Tweek/Peppy Prince: Is it safe?

Sam/Sir Justice: Looks like it. All aboard!

(The Saints get on the boat and buckle their safety blets)

Sam/Sir Justice: I think I saw a rope tied to a post that's keeping the boat anchored here. Leon, be a lamb and untie it for us.

(Just as Leon was about to untie the rope, it just randomly disappears)

Leon/Beo-Wolf: Done.

Sam/Sir Justice: Alright. (The boat begins to go down the stream) And we're off!

(The boat goes into a small cave. Inside that cave is a whole bunch of colorful lights)

Sam/Sir Justice: Nice atmosphere. Whoever this advocate is, he sure knows how to make an awesome log flume ride.

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: (Notices something) Oh Jesus, look at that!

(Sam looks to see that Mr. Slave is pointing at a display that has a Sir Justice doll impaled on a bunch of wooden spikes)

Sam/Sir Justice: That is just not right!

(As the boat floats further along the stream, our heroes see more gruesome displays that depict their deaths. The next display gave our heroes a jump scare as it had doll versions of Fuchsia Tigress, Sharp Edge Stevens, Glamorous Gardener, Dr. Sophocles, and Sgt. Stevens getting hung from a noose)

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Oh what the hell!? What the actual hell!?

(The next display has a Beo-Wolf doll getting cooked over a campfire with an apple in his mouth)

Leon/Beo-Wolf: (Shutters) That's so messed up.

(The next display has a Mephesto doll locked in a cage with a bear, and the bear promptly mauls the doll)

Mephesto: Oh my. Wolfodile, cover your eyes! (He covers his hybrid's eyes)

(The next display has Kevin and Millie dolls sitting on a stool with guns in front of them. When the timer goes off, the guns blast the dolls' heads off)

Kevin: Yikes!

Millie: Sweet Jesus!

(The next display has Coon, Peppy Prince, and Tupper Wear dolls in three guillotines. The blade lowers and it cuts the dolls heads off)

Token/Tupper Wear: Holy shit!

Tweek/Peppy Prince: (Throws up into the stream)

(The next display has Human Kite and White Mind Maiden dolls being pulled by a rack until they are ripped in half and the cotton inside the dolls stars pouring out)

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Gah!

Kyle/Human Kite: Nasty!

Sam/Sir Justice: Whoever this advocate is, he certainly has a sick and twisted mind to make a ride like this.

Cartman/Coon: Probably a bad time to mention that I'm actually having a bit of fun.

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Of course you are.

Sophocles: What is that!

(He points at the next display, which is the orb that Sam sealed Damien away in, except it's made out of cardboard. A doll of Damien them rises out of an opening in the orb and makes an evil laughing sound effect)

Kyle/Human Kite: I've had just about enough of this ride! Dimitri! Wherever you are, give me my brother back!

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Yeah! And give me back my Cody!

(Suddenly, Dimitri's voice comes out of nowhere)

Dimitri: Aww, you want off my little ride? No problem, it's almost over.

(The then see a gateway shaped like Dimitri's face. The effigy is also made of cardboard and has red glowing eyes, steam blowing out the nostrils, and sharp yellow teeth at the mouth. The stream flows through Dimitri's mouth)

Sam/Sir Justice: We must be getting close. Get ready guys because I think it's time for a…

(They then get cut off by a steep drop in the stream. The stream turns into a waterfall, and our 15 saints and 1 animal hybrid go careening downwards)

Saints: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(We then cut to black. When we come back, Sam is waking up from unconsciousness)

Sam/Sir Justice: Oh, what happened? (He then looks to see that he's in the main circus tent all tied up and dangling over a net) What the fuck?!

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Glad to see you're up.

(Sam looks to find his comrades tied up and dangling over the net with him)

Sam/Sir Justice: How did this happen?

Token/Tupper Wear: I don't know. We all woke up like this.

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Hey guys.

(Everyone looks to find Cody and Ike dangling with them)

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Cody, thank goodness!

Kyle/Human Kite: Ike, you're alright!

Ike: Yeah, for now.

Tweek/Peppy Prince: (Struggling in his ropes) Ngah! Let me out of here! I hate being bound!

(Suddenly, Dimitri enters the tent and sees the Saints are all awake)

Dimitri: Well look who just woke up! I hope you all slept well.

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: (Sarcastically) Yeah, like a log!

Dimitri: Glad to hear that! And the next time you sleep will be even better than the last time (His eyes go red, his yellow teeth sharpen, and his voice gets demonic) because it'll be a permanent sleep!

(He laughs maliciously as he snaps his fingers and the net catches on fire)

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: (Staring down at the net) Oh that's not good!

Sam/Sir Justice: Hang on, everyone! I'll get us out of here! (He tries to feel around in his bondage for his lightsaber, but can't find it anywhere) Hey, where's my stuff?

Cartman/Coon: Yeah, I think my claws are gone too!

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: And so is my sword bag!

Leon/Beo-Wolf: Where the fuck is my wolf pelt!?

Dimitri: (Clears his throat as he snaps his fingers again, and in a puff of smoke, a cart holding our heroes' weapons and a cage containing the Wolfodile appears) Looking for these?

Kevin: Shit! He must've taken our weapons when we were unconscious.

Mephesto: (Calling out to Wolfodile) Wolfodile, don't worry! Daddy's going to be fine!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Hey, you forgot one thing, Dimitri! I have legitimate superpowers! I'll bust myself out of here with those. (She tries to use her powers, but can't) What?! Where are my powers?!

Dimitri: Look above you!

(Maria looks up and finds a device that's glowing pink)

Dimitri: That little doohickey up there neutralizes any and all superpowers. That is, everyone's except for mine because I created it! As long as that machine stays on, you're as normal as everyone else!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Damn, he's good.

Dimitri: I'd love to chat some more with you all because you seem like lovely people, but I'm an advocate, and I'd much rather kill you. You understand, yes?

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Yeah, we get it. We understand.

Token/Tupper Wear: Whose side are you on, dude?

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: I just want peace!

Dimitri: But before you all leave for the other side, I'd like to tell you all my origin story. And I'll tell you all…through song!

(His accordion comes out of nowhere and he starts playing and we get a glimpse of his back story. (Note: I have no melody for the lyrics so just make up your own) The first shot of the background we see Dimitri as a teenager wearing the exact same clothes and make up he is now. He is performing in front of a crowd of people as they put money into a box for him.

Dimitri: (Singing) Oh, as a young boy, I made people laugh! It brought me such joy to see their glee! But even though I had a lot of fun, I still made them pay a fee.

(The next shot is of his father, a fat middle aged man wearing a wife-beater shirt, and blue boxer underwear. He is carrying a bottle of beer. We also see where he and his father lived: A crappy rundown apartment in Italy)

Dimitri: (Singing) My father and alcoholic, and my mother has run off! We were poor and had nothing to eat! Living in an apartment down in Italia, not fun, so my father decided to cheat!

(The next shot is of his father, now wearing a blue suit, talking to a group of men wearing black suits in an alley way: The mafia)

Dimitri: (Singing) Papa went to the mafia, hoping to get some cash. At first things were great, I had no idea that what he did was rash.

(The next shot shows them living in a mansion in a beautiful neighborhood)

Dimitri: (Singing) While I still loved to make people laugh, this I won't deny, I loved the new lifestyle we had! It was, how you say, "fly."

(The next shot has the mafia coming into the mansion living room with guns. The mafia then promptly shoots Dimitri and his father dead)

Dimitri: (Singing) But the fun times soon ended, because of those goombahs my dad dealt with, came in and shot he and I both.

(The next shot has a strange man in a brown trench coat appear after the mafia left. This man is revealed to be Satan)

Dimitri: (Singing) This man then came in, and restored my life, asking if I'd like to help him out. I said, "What for?" and he said, "I saw you in the square, you're a funny, funny, man!" He showed his true self, and it was good old Beelzebub! We struck a deal and a friendship was born!

(The next shot shows a revived Dimitri wrecking havoc with his magic. We then see Dimitri having a meeting with Satan, involving Damien's imprisonment. The final shots are of Damien killing Warren and Robert from earlier as well as a few other random children)

Dimitri: (Singing) As an advocate I got new powers meant for killing! I was spreading my bosses magnificent word! Everywhere I went, chaos came with me, then the day came when his son got imprisoned, and then I started my blood harvest. Killing children, going town to town then…

Sam/Sir Justice: (Cuts him off as we cut back to reality) Stop! Stop! Stop! God, you're awful at singing. And did you just stop rhyming midway through that song.

Dimitri: Yes I did! Suffice it to say, rhyming got boring and difficult after a while. My god, have either of you tried to rhyme on the fly before? (Groans) Anyway, let's get to killing! Any final words?

Cartman/Coon: Kiss my ass you fat clown!

(That comment seemed to hit a nerve and Bebe notices)

Dimitri: How dare you, raccoon boy! I'm just big boned!

Kyle/Human Kite: (Turns to Cartman) Sounds a lot like you when you were a kid, eh, Cartman?

Cartman/Coon: Just shut up!

Dimitri: Well if that's all you guys have to say…(Voice turns demonic) it's time for a barbeque!

(He claps his hands and the ropes start to lower down slowly towards the fiery net. Everyone is looking nervously down at their impending doom…all except Bebe, who just looks at Dimitri and says…)

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Wow, I never would've imagined that we, the South Park Saints, would be killed off by Satan's fattest advocate.

Dimitri: What?

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: I don't know what's funnier: Your pathetic attempts and singing and rhyming, or the fact that you're as round as a tortilla.

Dimitri: Shut up.

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: You're so fat that if you wore a yellow suit, people would mistake you for a school bus or taxi cab!

Dimitri: (Gets even angrier) Shut up!

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: By the way, you know that boy in the top hat? He's my boyfriend. That's right, we're a couple. You'll never experience what Cody and I have because you're so fat and ugly that no girl will ever want to lay with you! Not even if she was desperate, you fat clown.

Dimitri: (Voice gets demonic) ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU, YOU LITTLE BRAT! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO GET BURNED! YOU DESERVE A KNIFE TO THAT LITTLE BLACK HEART OF YOURS!

(Dimitri makes a knife appear out of nowhere, and he thows it at Bebe…who swings out of the way, and the knife instead hits the rope that's keeping her aloft, freeing her. She lands on the ground in front of the fiery net and glares at Dimitri)

Dimitri: Uh oh!

(Bebe runs up to Dimitri and kicks him in the face, knocking him unconscious)

Sophocles: Alright, Bebe! Now hurry up and free us before we end up well done!

Bebe: Got it! (She hurries over to the cart containing our heroes' weapons and after rummaging through the pile of weapons, she finds her sword bag. She takes a lot of swords and throws them) Blade Storm!

(Upon seeing Bebe throw the swords, the other saints swing so they are away from the fire net, and the swords break the ropes, freeing them. There's one sword that also breaks the device keeping Maria from using her powers)

Maria/White Mind Maiden: (Feels her powers return to her) Oh yeah! I'm back baby!

Bebe: (Takes out her double flutesaber) Stevens' Special Sword! (She frees the Wolfodile, which runs up to Mephesto and he hugs him)

Mephesto: It's okay, Wolfodile, daddy's here!

(Everyone gets their respective weapons from the cart)

Sam/Sir Justice: Looks like we're back in business! (Looks over at the unconscious Dimitri) Now let's get this clown! (He takes out his lightsaber and charges at the unconscious Dimitri) Let's get him!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: (Senses something is wrong) Sam, wait!

(Too late, Sam already made it to Dimitri. But before he could slash away at him…Dimitri explodes, blowing Sam back a bit)

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Are you okay?

Sam/Sir Justice: Yeah, thank you. (He gets up and sees the exploded remains of Dimitri) So…does this mean we win? That was easier than I thought.

Tweek/Peppy Prince: (Looks up and sees something) Hold that thought!

(The heroes look to see Dimitri ready to come down on Sir Justice with a mallet)

Dimitri: Malicious Mallet!

Sam/Sir Justice: Annie's Shield!

(He blocks the attack and manages to push Dimitri back. It's then that Mephesto's Wolfodile charges and bites Dimitri's leg off, causing him to fall to the ground)

Mephesto: Great work, Wolfodile!

Dimitri: (Grins evilly and gets demonic voice) Is that all you got?! (His leg magically grows back as if nothing happened.

Leon/Beo-Wolf: Oh you have got to be shitting me!

Dimitri: You poor damn fools…(demonic voice) Satan gave me powers beyond all comprehension! That includes regeneration! The only way you can kill me is if you destroy all of me, my entire body!

(Wolfodile is ready to charge and bite at Dimitri again, but he pulls out his mallet and bashes the Wolfodile's skull in, killing him)

Mephesto: WOLFODILE!

Dimitri: Who wants to be next?

Sam/Sir Justice: Damn it! Do we even have any sort of attacks that can completely destroy a body?

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: The best we have is my Wrath of the Tigress and Cody's Fantasia of Riches, but even then the former attack results in the opponent getting badly burned, and the later is just an energy blast that hurt the opponent in an explosion.

Sam/Sir Justice: So that's a no. Well, we may not have such an attack, but we've got to try and do something to take this guy down! Who's with me?

Saints: Yeah!

Sam/Sir Justice: (Turns to Mephesto and Ike) You two get out of here. It's much too dangerous. We'll handle Dimitri.

Mephesto: Right.

Ike: Good luck, Kyle.

Kyle/Human Kite: Thanks.

(Mephesto and Ike leave)

Kevin: (Opens his suitcase of DNA samples) Things are about to get crazy! Let's rock! (He injects one of the samples into him, and one painful transformation later, he has a beak on his face and a pair of wings replacing his arms) Come get some!

Dimitri: (Normal voice) Golly, I guess we're really going to have a fight to the death now, aren't we?

Sam/Sir Justice: (Cracks his knuckles) Oh yeah!

Dimitri: (Demonic voice) Then let's not waste anymore time! (One of his clown shoes grows to a magnificent size and he attempts to squash the Saints) Clown Crusher!

(The saints dodge out of the way just as Dimitri slams his giant foot on the ground. The foot goes back to its original size as he sees The 15 Saints surround him)

Leon/Beo-Wolf: I'll take first crack at him! (He touches the pads on the paws of his pelt) Wolf Clone! (24 Leon/Beo-Wolf clones form and charge at Dimitri)

Dimitri: You know what they say…(Demonic voice) Me's a crowd!

(By snapping his fingers, 24 Dimitri clones appear and they fight off the Leon clones. Eventually, only the real Dimitri and Leon are standing)

Leon/Beo-Wolf: Damn, you're good! But I'm better! Wolf Roll! (He rolls up in a ball and "spin dashes" his way into Dimitri. Leon hits Dimitri and sends him flying into the audience seats)

Millie: (Takes out her spear gun) Where do you think you're going, clowny?

Kyle/Human Kite: Yeah, we're not done with you! (A harpoon appears form the top of his kite) Kite Harpoon!

Millie: Courageous Spear Gun!

(The two of them impale Dimitri with their weapons, but Dimitri dissolves)

Millie: We got him that time!

(Suddenly, Dimitri appears behind the two of them, and he pulls a sword out of his mouth)

Dimitri: Fool's Sword!

(He gets ready to slash and Millie and Kyle, but Maria jumps in front of the attack and blocks it with her hands that are surrounded by a pink aura)

Dimitri: Oh, ho, ho! What is this?

Maria/White Mind Maiden: (Pushes Dimitri back and prepares to attack with an arrow made of psychic energy) Psycho Arrows!

Dimitri: Oh, ho, ho! How fun!

(He floats in the air and gracefully dodges the attacks as they come at him)

Dimitri: You're going to have to try harder than that if you want to hit me, girly!

(Suddenly, he sees Kevin flying towards him)

Kevin: Wing Slap!

(He smacks Dimitri hard with his wing sending him careening towards the ground)

Kevin: (Comes flying downward at him, ready to stab at Dimitri with his beak) Pummel Peck!

Dimitri: (A big ball materializes in his hands and he throws it up at Kevin) Clown Surprise, coming at you!

(The ball hits Kevin and it explodes, knocking him out of the air)

Dimitri: Oh, ho, ho! Bye, bye, birdie!

Cartman/Coon: Rodent's Cleaver!

(He slashes Dimitri in the back with his cleaver, but Dimitri turns around and prepares to retaliate)

Dimitri: Come here! (Grabs Cartman by the collar of his shirt and his yellow teeth get sharp) I wonder how you'll look…(demonic voice) without a face!

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Shocking Shuriken!

Dimitri: Augh!

(The electrified shuriken cuts through Dimitri's arm, causing him to let go of Cartman)

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: You okay, Cartman?

Cartman/Coon: I'm good, thanks.

Dimitri: (His arm regenerates) First you fat shame me, and now you cut off my limbs! You really are a nasty little brat aren't you, blondie?

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: At least I don't kidnap children and harvest their blood!

Dimitri: I have had it with your insolence child! (Takes out a seltzer bottle full of a yellow liquid) I think it's time I melt that pretty little face of yours! Toxic Seltzer!

(He fires the acidic liquid at Bebe, but Cody jumps in front of her)

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Fortune Bubble!

(Slamming his staff on the ground, a bubble forms and protects him and her from the acid)

Dimitri: Damn it all!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: (Has his barrier ware off)

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Thanks, babe.

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: My pleasure, darling. I think it's time I had some fun with this clown! Fantasia of Riches!

(He fires a blast of energy from the ruby on his staff, but Dimitri dodges by floating up in the air)

Dimitri: Jack in the Box Attack! (He throws down a blue and yellow box. The box opens up and reveals a human hand holding a bomb that it throws at Cody and Bebe)

Sam/Sir Justice: Falcon's Blast!

(He fires the falcon shaped blast from his guns that detonates the bomb before it reaches Cody and Bebe)

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Hey, nice shot!

Sam/Sir Justice: (Gives a thumbs up and grins as Wendy gets ready to attack)

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Wrath of the Tigress! (Fires a big fireball from her boxing gloves up at Dimitri…who opens his mouth wide and swallows the fireball. He burps out smoke and licks his lips)

Dimitri: Mmm, spicy with a nice smoky flavor! I might get heartburn later, but it'll be worth it! Oh, ho, ho! (Takes the sword from out of his mouth) Fool's Sword, die! (He comes barreling towards Cody, Sam, Bebe, and Wendy, but Dr. Sophocles blocks the sword with his scythe. Sophocles pushes Dimitri back knocking him on his ass)

Sophocles: Jeffrey, Alex, I need you!

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Right!

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Got it!

Sophocles: Soul Chopper! (Fires an energy wave from his scythe)

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Mighty Musket! (Fires his bullet bill)

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Chainsaw Blaster! (Fires bullets from the gun that Sophocles installed in his chainsaw)

(Before the attacks could reach Dimitri however, he clones himself to create 30 Dimitri clones. The three attacks hit one of the clones instead)

Dimitri: Oh, ho, ho! Which one is the real me!? Only I know.

Sophocles: Keep firing, boys!

(Jeffrey, Sophocles, and Mr. Slave keep firing their ranged attacks, but they end up hitting clone after clone, and the more clones that they destroy, the more regenerate)

Dimitri: Oh, ho, ho! Getting tired gentleman!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Let me help! (Using her powers, she's able to locate the real Dimitri Molarski. She points at him) Right there, that one!

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Thanks new girl!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: The name's Maria, and you can thank me later! Just attack the clown!

Token/Tupper Wear: Tweek and I will help you three!

Tweek/Peppy Prince: That's right! Celebration Cannon! (He fires some fireworks)

Token/Tupper Wear: Volatile Volley! (Throws a canister of red liquid)

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Chainsaw Blaster!

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Mighty Musket!

Sophocles: Soul Chopper!

(The five fighters hit Dimitri with their ranged attacks, and he comes plummeting back to ground level)

Kyle/Human Kite: Alright! We got him!

Dimitri: (Gets up) I'm not done yet! I still have an ace up my sleeve for you little rascals! (Whistles) Oh Poochy!

(In a puff of smoke, the familiar green balloon dog appears and grows to monumental sizes. Dimitri floats up and rides on Poochy's back again)

Cartman/Coon: That's your ace in the hole, dude? A fucking overinflated balloon animal? Piece of cake.

Dimitri: (Demonic voice) That's what you think, BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Let's make some holes in that balloon! Cody, Eric, Bebe, Sophocles, Alex, you four are with me!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Yes, sir!

Sophocles: Got it!

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Yes, daddy.

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Let's go!

Cartman/Coon: Kill the doggie! Kill the doggie! Rodent's Cleaver!

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Radical Rapier!

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Stevens' Special Sword!

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Virtuous Katana!

Sophocles: Scythe Full Swing!

(The five fighters slash at the balloon animal, but it doesn't pop)

Cartman/Coon: Why the fuck isn't this thing popping!?

(Poochy swipes at the five fighters with its leg, and knocks the five fighters back)

Sam/Sir Justice: Let's try bullets! Bebe's Bullets!

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Chainsaw Blaster!

Millie: (Grabs her two shotguns) Righteous Shotguns!

(The three fighters fire their bullets at the balloon animal, but the bullets ricochet off of it and head back at our heroes. Sam and Mr. Slave run for cover so they don't get hit by the returning bullets)

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Let's heat things up! Wrath of the Tigress!

Kyle/Human Kite: 1,000 Degree Stare!

(The two heat based attacks have no effect either)

Kyle/Human Kite: Impossible! There's not even a scratch on him!

Kevin: That's it! I've had enough! (Flaps his wings and flies towards Poochy) Pummel Peck! (He attempts to peck at Poochy, but gets swiped at by Poochy instead)

Dimitri: (Laughs victoriously) You can't break my Poochy! He's the best!

Millie: Anybody got any bright ideas?

Sam/Sir Justice: Maybe…I'm thinking right now. Hmm…

Dimitri: Okay, Poochy, time to destroy everyone!

(Poochy roars loudly, and then Sam sees its mouth)

Sam/Sir Justice: (To himself) That's it! We have to aim some of our attacks inside that mouth! If we do that, I'm sure we'll be able to pop that inflatable mess!

Dimitri: Alright, Poochy…(Demonic voice) It's feeding time!

(Poochy opens his mouth and is ready to eat our heroes but…)

Sam/Sir Justice: Maria! Use your powers to hold this thing still, do it!

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Got it! Psychic Grip!

(Using her powers, she's able to hold Poochy still and keep its mouth open)

Sam/Sir Justice: Alright! Token, Tweek, Wendy, Mr. Stevens, Millie, let loose! Falcon's Blast!

Token/Tupper Wear: Volatile Volley!

Tweek/Peppy Prince: Celebration Cannon!

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Wrath of the Tigress!

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: Mighty Musket!

Millie: Flare of Justice! (Fires her flare gun)

(All of the attacks enter Poochy's mouth. The power from the attacks is too much for Poochy to handle and it starts to shake)

Dimitri: Poochy, what's wrong?

(In a loud pop noise, Poochy explodes and sends Dimitri flying skyward right out of his own circus tent)

Dimitri: WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (Before he gets back down to Earth, Sam comes up with another plan)

Sam/Sir Justice: We might not be able to kill him, but we can do the next best thing. Token, Millie. (He whispers in the two kids ears)

Token/Tupper Wear: Nice plan.

Millie: Let's do it!

(Dimitri starts to fall back down)

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: Here he comes!

Token/Tupper Wear: (Grabs a canister full of a green substance) Jelly Fling!

(He throws it up at Dimitri)

Dimitri: What in the name of…

(The canister hits Dimitri and he gets encased in green jell-o)

Millie: (Grabs her ice beam) Time to chill out! Polar Pistol!

(She fires the ice beam and freezes the jell-o, trapping Dimitri in an icy prison. But before he's completely frozen, Dimitri gets one last statement in)

Dimitri: You haven't seen the last of me you killjoys!

(And with that, Dimitri is encased in frozen jell-o. The fight is over and the third advocate has been taken down)

Alex Slave/Glamorous Gardener: Finally, the nightmare ends.

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: And another advocate is defeated.

Kyle/Human Kite: Maria, can you make sure that this is the real Dimitri and not another clone?

(Maria, using her powers, sees that this is in fact the real Dimitri)

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Yup, this is the real Dimitri alright.

Leon/Beo-Wolf: Great. Now to make a phone call to the police and tell them to take this clown away.

Sophocles: (Takes his cell phone) I'll make the call. Alex, Kevin, Millie, can you guys carry Dimitri back with us?

Kevin: Of course.

(We cut to Sam and Wendy)

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Way to think on your feet there, Sam.

Sam/Sir Justice: Thanks. I usually come up with my best ideas under pressure…So, Wendy, there's something I want to tell you.

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Really? Because there's something I want to tell you too.

Sam/Sir Justice: Ladies first. I'll let you talk first.

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: Thank you. Well, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it. Sam, I think I lo—

Kevin: (Calls for Sam) Hey, Sam! Can you help us out? This ice block is heavier than it looks.

Sam/Sir Justice: Coming! (Turns back to Wendy) Sorry, Wendy, I have to help them.

Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress: That's okay. I understand.

(As Sir Justice goes to help his friends with carrying Dimitri, everyone gets ready to leave the circus tent, and we cut to Bebe, Cody, and Jeffrey)

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: (Hugs Cody and plants kisses all over his face) Oh Cody, I'm so glad you're safe.

Cody/Mr. Gentleman: (Chuckles) I'm always fine, sweetie. You had nothing to worry about. (She continues to kiss him) My, oh my, I was missed wasn't I?

Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens: My daughter really is crazy about you, Cody. Don't worry, my wife was the same way when she met me (Turns to his daughter). Come along, Bebe, your mother probably has dinner ready for us.

Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens: Okay.

(We then cut to Kyle and Maria as they walk out of the tent last)

Kyle/Human Kite: Hey, Maria, thank you for your help today. If it weren't for you, we'd never be able to find this tent and save Ike, or even beat Dimitri.

Maria/White Mind Maiden: It was my pleasure. Thank you for making me feel welcome in your little group.

Kyle/Human Kite: You're good company. Hey, how about we head back to my place. I'll ask my parents if you can stay for dinner.

Maria/White Mind Maiden: What are you having?

Kyle/Human Kite: Friday nights are usually reserved for Chinese food.

Maria/White Mind Maiden: Count me in!

Kyle/Human Kite: Alright, let's go!

(All of the Saints head for home as we cut to the outskirts of Houston TX. A man that's wearing a black and red pope outfit complete with a silver pentagram necklace, a black pope hat and a silver papal ferula with a pentagram on it instead of a crucifix and a black jewel in the middle of it walks up to a sign that reads, "South Park 1,000 Miles". We then see the man's face, and he is a Caucasian male in his mid 20s with red eyes and brown hair)

Man: South Park, eh? (He has a black bag with him. He opens the bag and we see 50 bottles full of blood) Seems like the perfect place to round up my last half of blood for Damien, after being run out of Houston and all that. (He closes his bag and holds his hand to his heart) Soon, Satan, my master, your son shall be revived, and this whole world will be ours for the taking.

(The man continues to walk in South Park's direction as we finally reach the end of the episode)

TO BE CONTINUED…

(Credits theme: Bakusou Yume Uta from Soul Eater)

(Yotei chouwa wo kechirasu noizu iru youni katto niramu gankou. Shinobikonda gareeji de yumemiteta ano koro to kawaranu haato. Sou kyou to onaji ashita nante konee ze ore binkan ni bakusou. Utau shinzou kanaderu biito ikiteiru tashikana akashi wo.)

(Shot #1: At the Broflovski Residence, Maria is with Kyle's family eating Chinese food. Gerald and Shiela are happy to have Ike back, and the three of them thank Kyle and Maria, who humbly accept the praise)

(Te ni shite ha ushinatte te ni shite ha ushinatte. Utsurou toki no naka de hito shirezu namida shita yoru ha koko ni atte subete ga tada jibun de. Sousa mada ikeru hazu daro)

(Shot #2: Sam, still dressed as Sir Justice, leads some police officers to Dimitri's circus tent where they find his bag full of blood. The police take the bag in for evidence)

(Kegarenaki hikari ga yamiyo wo tsuranuite

Kono toki ga towa da to ima inochi ga sakenderu

Hora kokoro no oku ni itsumo kimi ga utsuru yo

Mamorubeki shinjitsu wo tada daiteyukunda

Riyuu nantenai sa furueru tamashii yo aa)

(Shot #3: At the high security prison, the prisoners watch as they see a frozen Dimitri Molarski get dragged into a special cell with low temperatures so that way he can stay frozen. Among the prisoners watching, we see Trent, Justin, Ethel, Max, Tobias Shredder, and Paris Hilton trying to get a good look at what's going on)

(Koukai ha nai nante daitai uso sa tsuba to basu shadou

Ukeirero sono bun tsuyoku nareba ii sa karamawatte mou ichido

Sou kyou no jibun wo gomakaseru hodo kiyou janee kizuku to

Ima omou kanjiteru kitto kotae nante arya shinai kedo)

(Shot #4: Dr. Sophocles is finally putting diamond blades onto Mr. Slave's chainsaw. Mr. Slave is understandably happy and ecstatic)

(Deatte ha wakarete deatte ha tsunagatte

Yorisou seishun no kirameki yo taai nai hibi de sae mo

Subete ha koko ni atte subete ga utsukushikute

Demo mada tatakatteru kara)

(Shot #5: At school, Sam is ready to tell Wendy how he feels about her…only to get interrupted by Kelly Rutherford-Menskin, who continues to fawn over Sam. Wendy just leaves, and Sam just glares at Kelly with annoyance)

(Kurikaesu mainichi no aranami ni nomaretemo

Mada yume kara samenu oretachi ha koko ni iru

Itsumo kikoetekuru nakamatachi no koe ga

Kodoku wo furiharau youni tokai no kaze no naka

Tada iku shikanai sa shinjita ikiyou wo aa)

(Shot #6: At lunchtime in school, Apollo is sitting alone when Jason flings a spoonful of mashed potatoes at him. Jason laughs, and out of retaliation, Apollo uses his powers to make Lola, who was walking by carrying a bowl of hot soup, slip and fall and get the hot soup all over Jason, causing him to scream in pain)

(Samayoinagara

Nanika wo kaeteiku tameni kawaru yuuki wo

Soshite nakushichainai nanimo kawarazu ni iru tsuyosa wo)

(Shot #7: The black pope from a few moments ago finally makes it to South Park and he grins evilly)

(Kegarenaki hikari ga yamiyo wo tsuranuite

Kono shunkan ga eien da to ima inochi ga sakenderu

Hora kokoro no oku ni itsumo kimi ga utsuru yo

Mamorubeki shinjitsu wo tada daiteyuke)

(Shot #8: Bridgette is sitting on a bench in the town park, and she's looking at a wallet sized photo of her when she was 10 years old, and an 18 year old boy with brown hair, a red t-shirt, and blue jeans. They are both sitting on top of a clock tower and smiling)

(Kurikaesu mainichi no kouha ni nomaretemo

Mada yume kara samenu oretachi ha koko ni iru

Itsumo kikoetekuru nakamatachi no koe ga

Kodoku wo furiharau youni machi no kaze no naka

Tada iku shikanai sa shinjita ikizama wo aa

Riyuu nantenai sa furueru tamashii yo aa)

(Shot #9: The South Park Saints hold a party at Cody's Mansion, welcoming their newest member, Maria. There's music, fun, and of course food. Apollo is watching our heroes from behind Cody's hedges and glaring at Maria, knowing that she's making a mistake for not following their father's wishes. Nevertheless, Maria is having a great time at the party and hanging out with her new friends)