Don't be disappointed

Don't let your heart break

Don't spend another minute

In this way

It's okay

Chapter 5

Forgotten Messages

March 25th, 2186
19 Weeks Post Activation

Hanna was nearly beating herself against the wall of the shuttle. She had meant to tell her son the good news but had become distracted with the efforts to sort out how many ships had actually escaped the blast wave. Most of the fleets, several hundred vessels had been declared MIA including the SSV Normandy. With the relays coming back online including the Charon relay, that number had been reduced down to less than two dozen. But her son's ship, his closest friends, his extended family was still missing and after more than four months it wasn't likely they would be found again. And they were supposed to be under her care as part of the Seventh fleet.

"ETA to the MQLZ (Medical Quarters Landing Zone) is thirty seconds." Her pilot said but the Rear Admiral hadn't heard a word. She was trying to think of how to tell her son that his ship hadn't been found by any of the other escaping ships. But she'd have a little more time if she presented the good news first.

The door to the shuttle opened to show Markus' former squad mate Miranda standing there. She looked nearly as tired as Hanna felt. Anyone that didn't have the technical expertise to help re-build the relays was working to clear the rubble and dead bodies on Earth; they had both been burning the midnight oil every night since the Reapers were destroyed.

"Admiral Shepard," Despite Miranda's exhaustion her voice didn't show any signs of fatigue. "I got your message. I'm sorry but Markus is currently in physical therapy right now. You'll have to come back later."

"I've been commanding starships since before you were a glint in your daddy's eye. He's my son and I'll decide when I see him." She stepped down from the shuttle politely brushing the woman aside.

"I'm going to be honest with you Admiral, your son has been a little unstable these last few days." Miranda said following her.

"I know. I got your message. That's why I'm here." She said continuing on ignoring her.

"As his caretaker I can't permit you to-"

"As his what?" Hanna said interrupting, stopping her already rapid pace at the audacity this woman had. "I'm his mother. And if you tell me I can't see my own son we're going to have a big problem." Her voice had risen close to yelling, attracting eyes from several people in the area.

Fights had become incredibly common in the wake of Earth's forced isolation. More than a few had died before someone had broken them up.

"Now get out of my way before I have you removed."

"Very well." Miranda said stepping aside. "If you must insist, he's in tent B037T."

"Thank you." Hanna continued on her way as if nothing had happened.

Large pieces of Reaper and skyscrapers still littered the streets, but it was far from the post-apocalyptic war zone they had found when the fleets returned. In fact, it was almost livable again.

When she reached the tent on the far side of the London compound she saw Wrex doing his impersonation of a gargoyle: standing perfectly still and on watch for attackers.

"Heads up, he's going nuts in there." Wrex warned her before she opened the tent flap. The two of them had met a couple of times before, but they were all either over a QEC line or in a ward room to discuss troop deployments, repairs, medical treatment, and so on.

"Tali please," Chakwas pleaded yet again as she began to replace Tali's medi-gel infused patch.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

"I told you." The quarian replied, her voice quieter than it had been in weeks. "I was going to clean it when it went off."

The silver haired doctor put the replacement pad down. "You're telling me that you found Shepard's gun, forgot to check the safety and cartridge, and it just happened to go off before you could bring it down to the armory to be registered?"

She paused, part of her wanting to cry for help, part of her not wanting to have survived and ashamed for even trying. "Yes."

"That settles it then. I'm going to have to confine you to the medical bay under watch."

"I'm fine, really. It barely itches."

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it. I'm responsible for everyone's safety once injured. You're no exception young lady."

"I said-"

"I'm not about to let you try and kill yourself again Tali." She interrupted. "We could have lost James, we nearly lost you, and we've been stuck out here for over four months with no word from Earth or any other planet for that matter."

"I would nev-" Chakwas interjected yet again.

"If Shepard is alive he'll find a way to get back to you. And if he's dead you're disgracing him by doing this. He'd want you to get over him and be happy."

Tali curled slightly into a ball at the typically serene doctor's harsh words, tears welling in both of their eyes.

"I... I'm so sorry about that. It's just I've lost so many friends because of this war. I didn't want to lose anyone else." She collapsed into a tight, near bone-crushing apologetic hug.

The young quarian couldn't believe this. Chakwas had always been the strongest one among the crew. No matter what happened she always kept her composure. Even better than Markus had.

"All hands this is Traynor in CIC." The English woman's voice sweetly emanated from the ship's communication system. "I've got something here I think you all should hear."

"Really? The-they're okay? They're alive, they're fine?" Shepard asked. It was the happiest he had been for months. Not since his last night with Tali before what had become known as 'the Battle of Hell's Gauntlet' by the survivors from Hammer and Shield/Sword teams.

"Yeah. You're father is coming back with the 4th fleet."

"What about Izzy, Soni and Mandy?" He asked about his older sisters.

"Isabella was near Rannoch on a supply run when it happened. According to her, the geth have been treating her like a princess. Something about how they owe their existence to you." Isabella was Shepard's older twin. Rather than follow with what was the family tradition and join the military, she got work on a non-aligned freighter; working her way up from pilot to captain in three years.

"Sonja was on Benning working with the resistance soldiers, teaching them military guerrilla tactics." Sonja, Shepard's oldest sister had followed suite with her parents and enlisted at 18. While she was still with the family though, she looked after her younger sisters and Markus as a parent would.

"I got part of a message from her. The first thing she did was ask how you were." The two had always been close, even more so once Shepard had enlisted himself.

"Amanda was on one of the last shuttles out from the Citadel. She was working with that old friend of yours, Conrad Verner to help get as many of the children off as possible before the defense fleet was overrun." They younger Shepard couldn't help but grin at his older sister's insanity. She worked herself even harder than he did. Before the war she had been an artist and a damned good one. When the war broke out she sold them all, giving every credit to refugee funds; specifically those helping the children get out of the combat zones.

"What about Tali?" That was the one question he shouldn't have asked.

"They uhh... Markus, sweetie, I'm not sure how to say this, but," He collapsed there. Something in his heart knew they hadn't survived. He made it off Akuze but his platoon had been wiped out. He saved the Citadel Council three and a half years ago, but loosing Kaidan whom he regarded as a close friend in the process. Now, it was his entire motley crew family. And Tali.

"They... they're not dead. They're... just... missing." She sighed out. She knew how bad it was. Five months with every fleet scouring every available sector of space and not a single sign. The odds were unbelievably against any of them surviving this long. But then again, maybe she could actually use that.

"As I seem to recall, I know a certain commander who had a crew that could perform miracles almost as awe inspiring feats as him. Now he, he ran a mako through the Citadel and saved the crew of the Destiny Ascension. He wiped out the last corrupted remnants of a corrupted alien race that threatened humanity then became the singular hope for an entire galaxy to live through the next year."

"If you're trying to cheer him up, forget it. I've already tried. Wasted a barrel of my best ryncol trying." Wrex said.

"Listen to me Mark. If your crew is even half as good as you, and I know that even on their worst day they are. You've told me yourself. You've got the best pilot and best mechanic in the Alliance. And I've heard you go on about Tali's skill. There's no way they'll just give up. We'll find them."

"Now come on, I skipped breakfast and it's nearly 11:30."

Unfortunately for her, Traynor's expertise had run its course weeks ago. She could still help with repairs, but she wasn't usually the one giving orders for repairs.

She had been trying to get the ship's communication system working again, but getting ship-to-ship calls was a low priority. Even the QEC was wreaked. Parts were being salvaged from any system that wouldn't get them home. She had made it her personal pet-project to get it working again but had given up on it after three weeks. The receiver was working, but the transceiver was damaged beyond repair. They'd need a new one, which meant they'd need to get back to the fleet in order to tell them they had survived. She couldn't help but chuckle a little bit at the irony: they'd have to tell them they're alive in person before they could tell them over a text message.

Walking past her station from the former war room which was being used to go over EDI's base coding by the few who could actually understand it. Lucky for her though, her expertise on it was rivaled only by Joker (though his was mostly with EDI's body).

Something caught her peripheral vision. There was an unread message on her terminal! 'Who the hell? Why would they be sending us this after over four months?' Her mind started going to bleak scenarios: that not only did the Crucible not work, but most of the remaining fleets had been destroyed. 'No Samantha. Don't go there.'

She hit play on it, but kept the volume low in case it was bad news. That was likely the biggest mistake she had ever made.

"WHOOO HOO HOOO!" She screamed loud enough to be heard all the way to the cockpit where Joker was running another preflight check.

Everyone practically dropped what they were doing looking to Traynor who was always reserved in confusion, slightly worried about what could elicit such a response from her.

Several tried asking but she had tuned them out. Activating the ship's PA system she spoke to the entire ship. "This is Traynor in CIC. I've got something here I think you all should hear." She then played the message.

"This is Commander Shepard and this message is for anyone with knowledge about the SSV Normandy SR-2. Anyone with information or better yet the ability to communicate with them please contact me immediately. I'd also ask you to send this along to the crew. There are several encoded personal messages. They'll be able to decrypt them."

"I'm sending the message to everyone. So start punching in those codes!"

Everyone who gotten to know Shepard closely over their tour (or tours) of service with him immediately opened their omni-tools.

Garrus who was in the cockpit with Joker hesitated for a moment before entering in 'calibrations'. Knowing Shepard, he'd want it to be something that was close to both of their hearts. The sense of humor of course was also not lost.

"Garrus, first I need to tell you to stop kicking yourself." His head sank at the accuracy of Shepard's words. Even in a one-sided conversation he knew what to say. "I made my choice and as you can see I'm still alive. And mostly well. Just promise me to take care of yourself better." With that, the message ended. He couldn't believe it! That's all his best friend had to say! After months of thinking he was dead that's it!

"So, you think they're all going to be that cold."

Stammering for an answer, he eventually answered the pilot. "He must have not wanted to get our hopes up. We don't even know how much of the fleet survived."

"Yeah but still, you two are practically brothers. Just not sure which of you is the pretty one."

"Cause we're both so good looking?"

"Sure, let's go with that." Joker then entered a couple of possible code entries, finally getting it right on the seventh attempt. All he said to Garrus was 'shut up'.

"Joker, tell me you didn't wreck the ship. Again. Listen, what I did... it likely may have made EDI a little... well, let's just say the alternatives were worse. Well, let's just say if I did this right then you'll have ample opportunity to break those bones of yours.

I also know you would have wanted to stay as long as possible. You did the right thing getting out of there. Just tell me you didn't scratch the paint. If you did, I'll kick whatever is left of your ass after EDI is done with it. And no, not that way."

Chakwas entered in the only thing she could think Shepard might use: the date of his last physical. One of the things he hated most in life. Her heart warmed at what he said. The message he gave her was as good as their conversation when the Normandy was a Cerberus ship, both drunk out of their mind.

"Tali, I've tried so many times to say something. All I can say is, I'm so sorry for making you leave. I just wanted to keep you safe. I... I'm sorry for so much. I want you to know that I love you. And I always will."

Ashley's on the other hand, he made a request of her. What he was asking her to do made her stomach turn. 'There's no way he's asking me to do this. He just... he can't.' She quietly proceeded up to his quarters and completed the task.

'He had better have a damned good reason for asking me to do this.'

ABLE/NOVEMBER: I am so, SO sorry for not updating this one sooner, especially with how the cliffhanger on the last chapter. I had finals, and trying to move back home for summer break. I've been busier in the last two weeks than the last two months. No, really.

Anyway, please review. Rogen80 and kill_phil I look for yours in particular. They actually pushed me into getting this done so I can see what you have to say on this one.

I would also like to note that things will be getting significantly happier now.