Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high

Chapter 6

Biding Time

MARCH 26th, 2186

What she had done was wrong. It was wrong down to her core, but what he had asked of her... she understood it, but what she didn't understand is why her. Surely Garrus or even Joker would have been a better choice. Oh right, there's no way Joker could keep something like that quiet. He'd tell EDI, and she'd tell Tali.

Okay, so Joker was out. But what about Chakwas? No. She had endured even more than any of them had. Heaping something like that on her would have been cruel. Especially since she was practically a mother to the entire crew. No. There's no way Mark could have done that to her.

So Garrus. The two were brothers. The more she thought about it the more she knew asking Garrus wasn't an option either. As much of a brother as he was to Garrus, he was equally Tali's older brother. He would have been overcome with guilt over what he did and told someone, which in turn, would have worked its way back to Tali.

That left her.

"Hey."

"Hmm? Sorry. What is it?"

"You had a bit of a troubled look on your face. Something wrong?" James sat down beside her on the couch in the starboard observation lounge. Since Ashley had come back after the Cerberus attack on the Citadel it was converted from guest quarters to her own.

"It's nothing."

"You're still a bad liar. I should get a deck of cards."

"Really, it's nothing. Just leave it."

"Never have been good at that Lola." She still blushed at the nickname he gave her.

"Well I'm going to bed. Care to join me?" He offered, stripping down to his underwear and climbing into their bed. He grunted as he took the eye patch off. He couldn't tell if he was more uncomfortable with it on or with it off. Doctor Chakwas tried saving it, but a sliver of the console had shot through the eye and tore at the optic nerves in the back.

"Yeah." Her mind was now trying to figure out what to do, barely paying attention to what he had said as she crawled under the covers with him.

Everything she had grown up on told her what she had done was the most despicable thing she had ever done in her life. Even more than when she had left Shepard on Horizon when she was investigating Cerberus. She called him a traitor, saying what he was doing was one giant insult to what they did together and left him with strangers.

But her mind, her higher reasoning was arguing it. Tali was still a wreck, and with her accident it might push her back over the edge.

"Okay, preflight checks are complete." Joker said from the cockpit. Since they had gotten Shepard's message he had been much happier, almost to his old self again.

"All systems are reading green Jeff." EDI said from the copilot's seat. "I believe, ninth time's the charm. It is a multiple of three after all."

"Bringing effect core generators up to 100%. Ship's mass has been effectively reduced to 230 kilograms."

"I thought you said generators were functioning at full."

"They are. But the repairs have compromised the field generators."

"Ah. Well we still have enough propulsion to get off-planet."

"Joker, I should inform you I have information you should know before we try to return to Earth."

"And that is?"

"The signals from the mass relay indicate the network was heavily damaged. I am attempting to program a workaround."

"Okay, so what kind of timetable are we looking at?"

"The journey will take approximately fifteen days."

"Fifteen days? What you taking the scenic route?"

"I am attempting to take the safest route possible. We'll have to go through Omega then to Rannoch. From there we should have more options. I believe the geth have re-built most of the network but I cannot confirm without more information."

"Okay, so we'll scope out some land for Tali. Why are we taking so long?"

"From there, most of the homesystems have rebuilt but many are still damaged. We could arrive but not leave."

"Great. So what's the route."

"Omega, Tikkun, Hekate, and Dakka. From there I do not know what route would be safest. It will take us at least five days to travel to there. I am adding the extra time as the relay network is not connected to the Exodus Cluster."

"Fine, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Let's go!"

The ship took off, a little shakily. All of the patches they had made to make the ship space worthy again, its balance was crap.

"Altitude 80,000 and increasing steadily. Engines are distributing power safely."

"Core temperature?"

"Well within parameters."

"Atmospheric integrity?"

"No leaks, though there is some minor fracturing along the Deck Five."

"Okay then. Time to break through the last bit of atmosphere."

The ship rocketed through the upper levels of the atmosphere, spearing itself into space towards the mass relay. Unfortunately, they were in the wrong solar system.

It took them an hour to clear the solar system.

"Bringing FTL mass generators and engines on-line."

"FTL mass generators at 100%. Our mass has been reduced to an effective 12 kilograms. FTL drive is fully operational, no deviations in the programming and all signals are in the green." Their caution was understandable. Every previous attempt resulted in the near destruction of the ship.

"Attention all hands, initiating FTL jump in ten seconds. Repeat, Ten. Nine. Eight." EDI counted down the timer as Joker kept a close eye on the readings.

"Three. Two. One." The ship transitioned seamlessly to super-luminal speeds.

"Smoothest jump since I seen you do jumping jacks." Joker said with his trademark cheeky grin. He hadn't smiled like that for nearly three months.

"I would recommend you get some sleep Jeff. You haven't slept for nearly nineteen hours; since we received the message from Shepard."

"Please, we both know I sleep here."

"Okay." EDI's hands ran over the holographic controls dimming the lights in the cockpit and toned down the intensity of her own visor.

"Is this better?"

"Yeah. Thanks EDI." Joker adjusted himself in the chair, closing his eyes and tried to get some rest. Problem was he was too amped to sleep. Everyone on board had been chomping at the bit to get back when they heard their commander's voice over the PA the day before.

Shepard had been hurting terribly. The message he sent a week before was an attempt to not only get some closure but at the same time to try and save the last vestige of hope he had remaining that they were still alive.

He had just been getting back to doing the physical therapy regularly, but the information his mother brought him the previous day had shattered him.

"Markie?"

Markus had been lying on his cot in a near catatonic state for the last several hours. Once it finally hit him he became a complete shut-in again. While Wrex had managed to usually get a few words out of him, it took all of his patience to get Shepard out of bed beforehand. Now it was just impossible. In all fairness, krogans weren't renowned for their patience. While Wrex was ten-fold more patient than the average krogan it still a far cry from most other races.

"Markus, come on. It's been nearly thirty hours since you spoke."

He remained immobile on his cot, his mind was somewhere else.

Shepard leaned on the railing at docking bay D23 overlooking the Normandy.

"Hey there." Tali said coming up behind him, snuggling up on his right side. The rest of the crew quickly joined them, all still slightly hungover from the party the night before.

"That was a great party. And our little after party..." Tali said drifting off.

"Yeah," Shepard agreed to with a slight chuckle.

"Probably our last one though." His grin quickly fading away.

"No. It isn't. You'll find a way to get us through this. You always do." The rest of the party goers returned to the Normandy leaving the couple standing with a view of their ship.

"We both know it won't be that easy. Nothing about this has been."

"You know, someone once told me "Life is never fair and it's our job to fix that." He was right."

"And who may I ask was this wise man?"

"You did. Last year consoling me."

"So you're saying that, one way or another, we'll make this right?"

"Of course." She ran a hand across his lower back, swinging her hips as she strolled to the docking tube.

"Now, I could use some help. Someone did a bad job putting my suit back on and it's itching."

"And?" Shepard said, his voice equally toying.

"And I need someone to help me with it."

His memory then snapped back to their last night together.

"Hey you." Tali said closing the door behind her.

"Hey. I-I'm sorry. I'll clear this stuff off." He said moving a large handful of pads off of the bed and onto the table.

"Looks like it got away from me a little bit." He said, dropping a couple of the pads in the process.

"You okay? I've never seen you like this."

He sighed heavily, not wanting to burden her with what was really on his mind. "No. No I'm not. We've assembled the largest military force in history and it... it's just not enough."

"You've done everything you can. More than most ever could. Don't beat yourself up over it."

"I've run the numbers twice. And I came to the same conclusion both times: you have better odds pulling three straight royal flushes in an honest game of Skyllian Five on Omega."

"Long odds. But you've beaten them before. You came back to me didn't you? You saved my people, earning our homeworld and an impossible peace with the geth at the same time."

"And luck is one fickle bitch. I've made it through much of my life, luck sparing me half the time. My card is coming up."

"Why are you being such a pessimist now?"

"I'm sorry. So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Well since you've suddenly got such a bleak outlook, I think what I'm going to suggest be all the more worthwhile."

"What ever happened to that innocent and sweet young woman I knew?"

"I believe the expression you have is, "you banged her brains out". Is that right?"

Shepard couldn't help but laugh at that. He had already made his decision, but what she said there made it even more absolute. The moment, and he meant the moment the war was over he'd marry her. He didn't care what was going on, soon as the fighting had stopped, he'd get down on one knee and propose. He kept the ring he had bought on their last trip to the Citadel locked in a fake bottom in his desk drawer.

Shepard got up out of the bed, half ignoring his mother who was more concerned about her son than ever before.

"Come on Wrex. I need your help."

"What with?"

"I need tools. A lot of them."

Wrex and Hanna gave each other confused looks, both unsure on whether or not they should do it.

"Erm, okay. Think the geth moved their stockpile to tent W41O."

"Fine, good, let's go." He walked briskly out of the tent hooking a left before the flaps closed.

"Other way Shepard." They could faintly make out his shadow walking back the other way, pace still holding.

"So, has he ever been like this?"

"Once."

"When?"

"After Akuze. He became, anxious; couldn't sit still for more than two minutes."

"So what's he going to do now?"

"I have no idea."

Once the shock had worn off, Tali had turned back into her old self in a matter of minutes.

She got back down to engineering and made some modifications to the patches on her console to be more in line with how she did things.

"How you feeling kid?" Adams already knew how happy she was, he just missed hearing the elation in her voice.

"Didn't I just answer that?"

"What can I say." He sheepishly admitted. "It's been so good to see you happy again."

"Adams, I-"

"Hey, how many times have I told you. Call me Greg. Shepard did make you Chief Engineer after all."

"...Greg," She corrected. "Thank you for putting up with me for so long."

"I understand. We were all going through the same thing."

"But you held it together."

"On the surface, yes. You have no idea how much crying there was in the bunks."

"I'm not sure if that's actually cheering me up, but thank you."

Something just hit her. "Where are Gabby and Ken?"

"Well they left together for lunch with an awkward silence, so I'd say they're either on the sub-deck or in their bunk."

It took her a moment before she fully realized what he meant by that. When she did, she turned back to her shy self, unsure on how to continue the conversation.

"So, um, do you think your family will be back on Earth waiting for you?"

"My family is serving on a couple of ships. Sister last I heard was navigator on the Benjamin Davis."

"I thought your ships were named after locations or battles."

"Except for carriers. They're named after some of the more extraordinary people in Earth's history. You know, I'd be willing to bet the entire crew's back pay that they'll name the next carrier after Shepard. Hell, they'll probably be naming ships after him for generations."

Tali grinned behind her mask, she couldn't care less about his fame or them naming ships after him. What she was proud of was his integrity; how he always thought about everyone else first. Even in their relationship he never pressured her into anything. In fact, most of the intimate nights involved her making the first move. And the second.

"Yeah, probably. What about your parents? I-I-I mean are they stil..."

"Alive? Yes. And they're spacers just like my sister and I. They're on an agricultural ship: Viridian Zenith. They wouldn't have been anywhere near Earth during the fight."

"Well I hope they're okay."

"Thanks Tali. And I know Shepard well enough to tell you, that when he sees you, it'll be the happiest he'll be all year."

"Thank you... Greg. I uh, I think I'll go help Traynor with fixing the communication relay."

"Go ahead. I've got things well in hand here. But, if you see my two engineers let them know they're supposed to be on duty."

MARCH 27th, 2186

"Admiral Shepard, I didn't expect to see you here." Hackett said when he entered the tent with the Shepards and Wrex. "And I see your bodyguard is still keeping a close eye on you too."

"Admiral Hackett, good to see you sir." Hanna said, both she and Markus jumping up into a salute.

"Well, guess this will make things easier."

"What will be easier sir?"

"Your transfer to the new carrier SSV Churchill. She's to be the new flag of the Sixth fleet."

"Sir, with all due respect, I'd prefer to stay on the Orizaba. She's a fine ship with an even finer crew."

"As much as I understand loyalty, they need you on the Churchill. The crew is mostly raw recruits that joined just before the Gauntlet. They're having trouble adjusting to the day-to-day operations. With a Shepard in charge, they'll get their act together. Your ship was second in highest morale and efficiency to only one other vessel in the Alliance."

"I appreciate the offer sir, and the complement. I really do. But the reason my numbers are as high as they are is because of my crew. As for the other ship, I take it that belonged to Markus?"

"Your son, yes. And I will only say this once: I'm not requesting you to move to the Churchill. I'm ordering it. If you'd like you can bring some of your senior staff with you."

"Well then sir, respectfully refusing to comply. I don't leave my family behind." Her eyes remained defiant to Hackett. This was the first time she had done something like this since she first graduated from basic training. At least then she had the excuse of being the FNG rook.

"We'll deal with this at a more appropriate time Vice Admiral."

"Aye sir."

"In the mean time, I'd like to discuss the other admiral in the room."

"You sir?" Markus asked. Why would he come down to talk about himself? Hackett cared for the spotlight as much as he did.

"No Admiral Shepard." He said, his eyes still looking dead at Markus. "Congratulations, Rear Admiral Markus Shepard." He presented a pair of admiral stars to Shepard.

"Permission to touch?'

"Granted sir."

Hackett removed the commander rank pins from Shepard's collar and put one on each side.

He stepped back as both his mother and Hackett saluted him.

"Congratulations, Admiral." His mother said beaming "I know Anderson would have been proud."

"It was one of the last things he did in fact, though the promotion was for captain. I don't believe anyone will argue."

"Will that be all sir?"

"Just one more thing, your choice of ship. I did some scouting for you, and the captains of three of them are willing to hand the reigns over now."

"I'm good sir."

Hackett paused for a moment, trying to formulate the best way to continue. "Shepard, as a flag officer in the field, it is your obligation to the chain of command to," He paused loosing his train of thought. "To be honest, there hasn't been a flag officer serving as the commander of a frigate since First Contact War."

"Sir, I hate to say this, but I must follow suite with my mother. I'm happy where I am."

"Well, here's a list if you change your mind." He handed a datapad to Markus containing a list of sixteen vessels ready for him to take command of.

"I'll look at it later sir." He lied. "Will that be all?"

"Yes. We're trying to connect the Arcturus Stream and Exodus Cluster to another relay. Though we will need to discuss about this refusal to accept your new postings."

On that note, Fleet Admiral Hackett left the two of them to contemplate what they had done.

Markus took a look at some of the ships, their names, and the senior officers.

SSV Fuji; Everest class dreadnought. The senior staff was all captains, one or two were ICT officers.

SSV Hawking; Sun Tzu class carrier. Cortez had mentioned that he had served on it as a fighter jokey. He would have to talk with him about some of the crew.

SSV Shanghai; Madrid class heavy-cruiser. He had helped run interference for them against the Reapers on Uqbar so they could evacuate the colony.

SSV Rakaposhi; she was the first of her class. She had rolled off the line just before the war erupted. The vessel had taken a series of beatings over the last year.

SSV Amelia Earhart; Sun Tzu class like the Hawking. The crew was fairly unremarkable, though apparently a tight-knit group according to the basic service

The list continued on like that, all larger capital ships: carriers, dreadnoughts and heavy-cruisers. He tossed the pad on another worktable and returned to building his new omni-tool.

"So what are you going to do about this?"

"About what?"

"Your new ship, you plan on picking one?"

"Pick what?" He said, immediately forgetting his current orders: pick a new ship.

"Which ship are you thinking of taking?"

"Why would I take one?" He asked. He had already forgotten the conversation, completely engrossed in his work.

"Mark are you listening to me?"

"Yeah, of course."

She decided to test him. "Well cause there's a pink vorcha outside break dancing for juice boxes."

"Nice try mom."

"Nah Shepard." Wrex joined in. I saw him just a minute ago.

Shepard put his tools down, looking up from the chaotic mess sprawled out in front of him. "Look, I just... I can't let my mind wander right now. Please just, leave me alone."

Picking his tools back up he switched back to barely following more than a sentence.

With Shepard's message coming in Garrus, Tali and Traynor had been trying to get the communication equipment working again.

"Well what if we route the transceiver through the Guardian laser targeting sensors?" Garrus threw out as the trio sat around the the Deck Three dining table.

"No. Won't work." Tali said. "The weapons are designed to be resistant against all hacking attempts. You should know that, all you've done on this ship is work on them."

"I worked on optimizing them." He corrected.

"What about the navigation sensors?"

Traynor shot down Tali's idea. "We run the risk of picking up every conversation along a flight path, broadcasting along it rather than a ship to say our port, or perhaps both. Basically, it's like talking to someone while listening to music and reading a book while on a treadmill all at the same time. EDI's systems will become overwhelmed and we won't get a stable signal."

Garrus groaned. Every time one of them had put an idea forward someone else had shot it down.

"Okay, why don't we just stand on top of the ship and wave our arms." Tali said. She was as weary of it as Garrus was.

Traynor set her coffee cup down slowly, like she was somewhere else.

"Traynor? You didn't get the dextro-coffee did you?"

"Huh? Oh, no. Besides, we ran out of coffee last month. Cup of herbal tea." She said indicating what was in her mug. "I was thinking, what about a signal light"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, if we can bring the power down on the main gun, it'll produce a light bright enough, long enough and give off a strong enough energy signature that anyone within half a parsec should be able to pick us up."

"Yes," Garrus tentatively agreed. "But we'd also vaporize anyone in our path. I built Sartik to take down Reapers not call for help."

"'Sartik'? You really need to get a date Garrus." Tali jabbed with a slight giggle.

"Is it physically possible to bring down the output down while still keeping the power generation at the same level?"

"Maybe, but it would take days. We'll be in the Tikkun system inside of nine hours. Four after that we'll be in Rannoch's orbit. And that's even if I could get the gun working again."

"So all three of us start working on it. As far as I see it, we don't have anything to lose."

Garrus groaned yet again while Tali's head fell to the table as she laughed.

"Am I missing something?"

"He barely tolerates Shepard in there."

"That's not true."

"Oh please! How many times did you tell him you were "in the middle of calibrations"? And I mean over the last year."

Garrus stuttered, trying to mount some form of defense. "Well, you see, maintaining the... when I'm running a systems check I need to... okay fine. But that's because I don't want anyone messing with my guns. I'm a turian. We're overprotective especially when it comes to weapons."

"Told you."

"There's another problem we'll have: the satalite defense network the geth set up along with reserve ships left behind by the quarians and the geth. And they'll be rebuilding so any incursion would likely react by bringing down the full force of whatever available ships they have. Since we can't talk to them they'll fire on us long before we get within visual range."

"I guess it's a good thing the Reaper code was destroyed in the pulse wave then. Last thing we need is to show up as one of their transport ships."

"Well I don't know about the rest of you," Tali said. "But my head is getting a little heavy. I'll see if I can get some stims from doctor Chakwas."

"Umm..." Garrus said still hesitant.

"Oh come on!" A tired scowl came across Tali's face. "If we're going to have any chane of getting this done on time we all need to be working on it."

Garrus' mandibles flexed slightly, trying to mentally accept the concept of someone other than him working on his beloved.

"Okay, let's get started."

"I'll go get Gabby and Adams." Traynor said getting up from the table.