The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints: Episode 15: The Green Thumb of Evil (Part 1)
(We start this episode off at an abandoned oil refinery outside the city of Denver. The oil refinery is covered in plant life like moss, vines, and assorted grasses. Just outside of the refinery is a forest where plenty of the venus fly trap-esque plants are growing. We then cut to a random room in the refinery where a shadowy figure is sitting on a throne made of barks, leaves, and vines. The figure appears to be female. We hear her lament and talk as she says…)
Female Figure: Humanity...such a disgrace! They love to rape the land by tearing down trees. They like to release chemicals with their big vehicles. And they don't give a damn about what happens to this planet because of their actions.
(The female takes out a picture of a man from a manila folder. The man in the picture is scrawny and tall with red hair, glasses, a white lab coat, grey pants, and black shoes. She looks at the picture and says…)
Female Figure: Because of these humans' reckless behavior, I lost you…Jonathan, the love of my life. Rest well, my darling. Soon all of these fools will pay, and they'll learn the hard way what happens when you mess with nature! (She opens her green eyes wide and shoots a small grin)
(Intro song: Resonance by T.M Revolution)
(The intro starts with the town of South Park, and a teenaged Damien looks down on the town from atop a hill)
(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara? Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka?)
(Enemy soldiers dressed in black are attacking the town and spreading chaos and destruction)
(Roku ni me mo awasazu unmei ni made karandeku Yukisaki moro kabutteru kuenai yoru wo hashire)
(The main characters that include teenaged Samuel/Sir Justice, Kurt/Smith the Kid, Bridgette/the Singing Angel, Ursula/Samurai of Light, Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress, Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens, Kenny/Mysterion, Cartman/Coon, Butters/Professor Chaos, Stan/Tool Shed, Kyle/Human Kite, Craig/DJ C-Rage, Tweek/Peppy Prince, Token/Tupper Wear, Clyde/Mosquito, Red/Madame Knight, Heidi/Fatal Feline, Annie/Darling Dame, Leon/Beo-Wolf, Mr. Slave/Glamorous Gardener, Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens, Doug/Cerulean Viper, Cody/Mr. Gentleman, Dr. Sophocles, and Mephesto and his genetic experiments charge into the town ready for the fight of their lives. They all fight off the soldiers)
(Fukaoi shisugita mabushisa ga warui yume ni tsuzuite mo)
(Damien appears along with his 13 commanders (9 of which are Trent, Justin, Ethel, Max, Tobias Shredder, Paris Hilton in her Smiles mask and power suit, Dimitri, Charon, and Ms. Penelope Marlowe). Our heroes look at each other, smirk, pull out their weapons and fight)
(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka? Deatta wake wa dou datte ii mikitsukerarete Fureta shunkan no kizu no fun dake tashika ni nareru)
(Damien steps forward ready to face our heroes, and they prepare to clash as the title of the fanfic, "The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints" appears)
(After the intro we cut to a nice Friday afternoon in South Park Laboratories. Sophocles in his lab, trying to work on the weapons that Annie, Token, and Heidi obtained on their last mission in Grand Isle. Maria and Apollo are with him as well helping him out)
Sophocles: And we're done! Thanks for the help.
Apollo: No problem, doctor.
Sophocles: Please, call me Sophocles.
Apollo: Okay, Sophocles. I just want to thank you again for welcoming me to the team with open arms. I think you guys are starting to grow on me.
Sophocles: That's good.
(Just then the door to Sophocles' lab comes in. Sam, Wendy, and Doug enter)
Sam: Hey there, doc.
Sophocles: Hello. How are you three doing this afternoon?
Doug: Hey it's Friday, no work or school for two whole days. I can't complain.
Sophocles: Sam, I've worked on your wingpack like you wanted. (He goes to a closet and grabs it) Now you can launch the feathers on your wings as if they were bullets.
Sam: Thanks, Sophocles. (He notices the sniper, machetes, and the regular gun on the table) Hey, aren't those the weapons we got from our mission on Grand Isle the other day?
Sophocles: Yeah. I'm modifying them for Annie, Heidi, and Token so they can use them out on the field. For example, I've modified Token's sniper so he could fire more shots, and so they could move faster. I also added compartments that give Token different bullets. Those bullets being regular bullets, ice bullets that freeze the opponent on contact, and explosive bullets that explode upon contact.
Sam: Interesting.
Sophocles: Annie's machetes I've modified so they can release super powered slashes, kind of like my Soul Chopper Attack. Not only that, but if she does this…(He hooks the handle of one machete onto the other to create a pair of scissors) Boom! Machete Scissors!
(Author's Note: Think of Sundowner's machetes from Metal Gear Rising)
Wendy: That's cool.
Sophocles: And finally, Heidi's gun. I modified it so that she can fire multiple bullets over a wide area. Like a spread fire sort of thing.
Doug: I must say, doc. You've out done yourself.
Sophocles: Thanks.
Maria: I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they see their new weapons.
Sophocles: I know, they'll be as happy as a kid whose Christmas wish came true. So now, with everybody's weapons modified, I say it's time for dinner. Mephesto brought some pizzas for lunch, and there's a lot of slices left over if you guys are interested.
Maria: Sure.
Apollo: Count me in.
Sophocles: (Turns to Doug, Wendy, and Sam) Will you three be joining us?
Sam: Sure.
Doug: Wendy and I will join in too. My wife is working late tonight and the last thing I want is for her to cook the moment she gets home.
Wendy: We always order take out if she's working late.
Sophocles: Okay then, everyone, follow me.
(The group of six walk to the lab's cafeteria. Everyone grabs a seat at a table as Sophocles goes into the kitchen to grab the pizzas. He heats them up and comes out with pizza for everyone)
Sam: Will Mephesto be joining us?
Sophocles: No he went home.
Maria: Oh well, more for us. Time to dig in!
(Everybody grabs a slice)
Sophocles: So, Sam, Wendy, Doug. Since you three are here, can you three deliver the weapons to Heidi, Token, and Annie the next time you see them?
Sam: Sure.
Sophocles: Perfect! (Grabs a remote to the cafeteria's television) What do you guys want to watch?
Doug: I think there's a Roseanne marathon on T.V Land.
Sophocles: Next stop, T.V Land.
(He turns on the T.V, and an advertisement appears on the screen. The advertisement has a picture of one of the Venus fly trap plants from earlier on it and a family looking at it with much adoration)
Announcer: That's right, everyone, get down to Sam's Club in Denver right now to pick up Thorne Co.'s new plant! Better hurry because supplies are limited!
Sophocles: Thorne Co. released a new plant?
Sam: What's Thorne Co.?
Doug: Thorne Co. has been around for about 50 years now. It's owned by the Thorne Family, and it's currently run by the previous owner's daughter: Bianca Thorne.
Sophocles: The Thorne Family are also pretty good botanists, always studying plants and making brilliant discoveries. They also manage to create their own unique plants like the Venus fly trap you just saw on the T.V. My personal favorite creation they made was a rose that had sunflowers on its stem instead of thorns.
Maria: How odd.
Sophocles: It's been a while since Thorne Co released a new plant. (He gets up from his seat) I think I'm going to go down to Sam's Club and buy myself one of those plants so I can do some research on it. You guys want to come with?
Maria: I think Apollo and I should head home.
Apollo: Yeah. It's been a long day at school today and I just want to take a nap.
Sam: I'll come with you.
Wendy: Can my dad and I come too?
Sophocles: Of course. So, Apollo, Maria, if you two are staying here, can you deliver the weapons to Token, Annie, and Heidi?
Apollo: Sure, we can do that.
Sophocles: Perfect! (Turns to Sam, Wendy, and Doug) Okay you three, let's go!
(The four leave the lab, enter Sophocles' car, and it drives off)
(Later on the interstate)
Sam: So, Sophocles, even though you have only one good eye you're still allowed to drive a car?
Sophocles: Yeah, America's great isn't it? Except for the South.
Wendy: How did you lose your eye anyway?
Doug: Yeah, we've known you for eight years and we still don't know how you lost it.
Sam: I bet it was an experiment gone wrong. Or someone wanted the plans to one of your experiments and you had to teach him a lesson, but not before he took out your eye.
Sophocles: I actually lost my eye to a pretty bad viral infection in 2003.
(Silence)
Sam: Well that's just depressing.
Doug: Anyway, Sophocles, why do you want to do research on this plant.
Sophocles: I do research on all of Thorne Co.'s plants. You know, see what they're made of, take a look at the plant's inner workings, maybe I can even take a DNA sample so that Mephesto can work at it and give it to Kevin so he can get another transformation.
Wendy: That'd be cool. Can you imagine Kevin running around with vines for hands and feet?
Sam: And maybe some flower petals around his neck. Now that'd be a sight.
Sophocles: We're here!
(Sophocles parks the car and our four heroes enter Sam's Club. Inside the store…it is packed)
Sam: It's a goddamn zoo here!
Doug: Well Memorial Day is coming soon, everyone is trying to get all of the good deals here. Plus I doubt we're the only ones who want Thorne Co.'s new plant.
Sophocles: Okay, everyone, split up. We'll each take a part of the store. The person who finds the plant must call the other three and tell them to meet at the check-out area. Sound good?
Sam: Crystal clear, sir.
Sophocles: Okay, everyone, let's move!
(Our four heroes split up and take different parts of the store. We first cut to Doug who is wandering the isles)
Doug: Sam's Club: The one place where I seriously have to wonder who would ever need this stuff in bulk. I mean, some of this stuff could go to waste if one buys something in bulk.
(He notices something: A display case of a 48 pack of Mt. Dew)
Doug: Mt. Dew? I haven't had that since I was a teenager. I've got to take this! (He grabs a cart and takes the 48 pack of soda) I wonder what else they have here.
(He sees a crate full of tangerines)
Doug: Oh, tangerines! Sweet! (He puts that in the cart and he sees something else) 24 pack of London broil steaks! Oh I know what we're having for dinner tonight! These babies will look good cooking on the grill! (He sees a crate of potatoes) And we can have that with mashed potatoes! Amazing! I love Sam's Club! (He sees something else) A crate of 96 Kit-Kat Bars! Hello dessert!
(We cut Sophocles as he's looking around for the plant as well. He's in the electronics section, looking at all of the video games and music CDs that he passes. He then sees a bunch of televisions, one of which is airing the Roseanne marathon)
Sophocles: Roseanne! I suppose I could take a short break and watch this.
(On Roseanne)
Roseanne: That is not funny! You are grounded until menopause!
Darlene: Yours or mine?
Roseanne: Your father's!
(Sophocles chuckles at that as another scene comes on)
Roseanne: Darlene got her period last night.
Jackie: Really? She's only 11.
Roseanne Conner: I was 11 when I got my period.
Jackie: But you were already wearing a D-cup.
Roseanne: Yeah, two of them.
(Sophocles chuckles again as another scene comes on)
Fisher: (Sees Roseanne carrying his T.V away) Uh, that's mine.
Roseanne: (Drops the T.V and sarcastically says…) God, I just hate myself for that!
(Sophocles laughs again and says…)
Sophocles: Yeah, you tell that asshole! Fuck you, Fisher!
(Suddenly, an employee and a customer come up to the T.V Sophocles was watching. The employee unplugs the T.V and gives it to the customer.
Sophocles: Hey I was watching that!
Employee: The Roseanne marathon will be on again next May (Leaves).
Sophocles: Well who the hell knows when that's going to be….No seriously, sometimes it airs early May, sometimes it's mid-May, other times it's late May. (Looks into the camera) What, you all really thought I didn't know how long it'll be until the next May rolls around? (He laughs and sees that an HD T.V is on sale) Hmm, now that would look good in the lab.
(We cut to Wendy who is walking through the clothing isle)
Wendy: Okay, where is that plant.
(She passes some mannequins that are displaying summer clothes like dresses, t-shirts, shorts, and swimsuits)
Wendy: Hmm, summer's coming on. I could use some summer clothes. (Slaps herself) Nope, stay focused! I must find that plant for Sophocles. Nothing is going to stop me!
(She then sees a bunch of mannequins dressed in some beautiful dresses. Above them is a banner that reads, "Prom Sale.")
Wendy: I could use a dress for prom. Maybe I could try on just one…
(She tries on more than just one…)
(Cue I'm Sexy, I'm Cute by Bring it On)
(I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot!)
(Dress #1: A white dress that goes down to Wendy's shins. She's wearing white heels and white framed sunglasses with a white beret)
(I'm bitchin', great hair! The boys all love to stare!)
(Dress #2: A short pink dress with pink sandals)
(I'm wanted, I'm hot! I'm everything you're not!)
(Dress #3: A short gold dress with gold heels and a gold parasol that Wendy spins around gleefully)
(I'm pretty, I'm cool! I dominate this school!)
(Dress #4: A long purple dress with purple heels and purple shawl)
Wendy: I love this place!
(We finally cut to Sam who is just wandering around, searching for the plant when he comes across a familiar face also wandering the store…it's Kurt)
Sam: Hey, Kurt (Runs up to him).
Kurt: (Carrying a bag full of lobsters) Hey, Sam! What's up!
Sam: I'm here with Wendy, Doug, and Sophocles. We're looking for that new plant released by Thorne Co.
Kurt: You guys too?
Sam: Yeah.
Kurt: Well, you're not the only one. I was on line in the seafood department and someone was complaining that the line was too long and they were going to be all out of those plants.
Sam: That brings up another question, why are you buying seafood…and here of all places?
Kurt: I promised Annie, Ursula, and Red a lobster dinner for our double date tonight. I don't want to feed them the lobsters they have at the supermarket back in South Park. For God's sake they don't even clean the lobster tank there. The lobsters here at Sam's Club are freshly caught and cared for. And the best part, they clean out their lobster tank daily! Best lobster around, let me tell you.
Sam: Noted next time I want lobster dinner.
Kurt: I think I passed the nursery on the way to the seafood department. Come along and I'll show you the way.
Sam: Thanks, bud.
(The two teenage boys walk to the nursery when they pass by another familiar face who just so happens to be looking at a random display case of jewelry. The person in question is…Kelly Rutherford-Menskin…oh joy…Kelly sees Sam and runs up behind him)
Kelly: Hello, Sammy!
Kurt: (Under his breath) Aw no, not this chick again.
Kelly: (Hugs Sam from behind him) What are you doing here, sweetie? Did you follow little old me here to Denver?
Sam: (Groans) No, Kelly, I'm here to pick up a plant.
Kelly: Oh, that new plant that's causing a buzz amongst shoppers. Yeah, it's cool I guess.
Kurt: What are you doing here, Kell?
Kelly: As I'm sure you noticed, I wasn't in school today. That's because I'm visiting my cousin here in Denver for the weekend. I'm just here to pick up some snack foods for movie night.
Kurt: Then why were you looking at jewelry?
Kelly: Well, prom is coming up, and I was browsing so I knew what I should wear when…(looks at Sam)…a certain somebody decides to make a promposal to me.
Sam: (Sigh) Look, Kelly, I can tell that you are really enamored with me, but you and I…we come from different worlds. A world of action for me and a world of…whatever the hell is going on in your life. I don't think we'll ever work out. Not only that, but as you already know, I already have a girlfriend. I'm dating Wendy. I think we should just be friends. You understand, don't you?
Kelly: (Sighs) Alright, Sam, I understand.
Sam: Okay, good. Well, I guess I'll see you in school on Monday. See you.
(Sam and Kurt leave…but Kelly stays behind and talks to herself, saying…)
Kelly: What's that, Sammy? Oh, you were just joking? I know you were. You always had a great sense of humor. I love you, baby. And you love me…(Chuckles a bit crazily) I know you love me, Samuel Cooper. And the next mission you have, that love will shine through I know it will!
(Sam and Kurt are continuing on their way to the nursery )
Sam: Hopefully Kelly will back off now.
Kurt: I don't know. Girls like her are hard to shake off. There's only one way I know for sure you can get rid of her if she doesn't leave you alone.
Sam: What's that?
Kurt: You ever seen those movies where some kid has to get rid of an animal that they've grown attached to, but the animal still likes the kid. So in order totally get rid of the animal, the kid has to say mean things to the animal so it would go away.
Sam: Dude, I'm not going to be mean to Kelly. She may be creepy, but she's a good person when you get passed that. I'm not going to do that. If she doesn't let up, I'm going to continue letting her down gently until she gets the message.
Kurt: Okay, we'll see where that gets you.
(After a while, the two friends find themselves at the entrance to the nursery )
Sam: Ah, here we are!
Kurt: I told you we'd find it. Well, I guess this is my time to hit the old dusty trail…or rather the bus back to South Park.
Sam: Wait, you took a bus here? Don't you have a red Chevrolet Camaro that your grandparents brought you for your birthday? Why didn't you take that instead of wasting money on a bus ticket?
Kurt: I'm not taking my Camaro up to Denver. With my luck someone will steal it.
Sam: Okay Kurt, understood. See you later, and thank you.
Kurt: (Leaves) My pleasure.
(Sam enters the nursery and finds a bunch of shelves labeled, "Throne Co., new Fly Trap". There is only one plant left)
Sam: There's the plant! And there's only one left!
(He runs up to the shelf and grabs it. He then walks over to the cashier in the nursery, and pays for it. He leaves the nursery with a smile on his face)
Sam: This is too easy! Now I just have to text Wendy, Doug, and Sophocles, and we are out of here. (Starts reading the text out loud) Hey, got last of the plants, let's get out of here. (Clicks Send) Let's rock.
(He's about to leave when…)
Customer #1: Did you all hear that! That teenager has the last of the Thorn Co. plants!
Customer #2: Give it to me, you little brat!
Customer #3: No! Give it to me! I'll give you $100!
(Sam is getting approached by tons of customers)
Sam: No, back off! My friends need this plant!
Customer #4: Not as bad as I need it! I'm having a party later tonight, and that plant will make a great centerpiece!
Sam: Leave me alone! (Runs like hell)
Customer #1: Don't let him get away!
(Sam is getting chased through the store by a hoard of customers. He passes Dr. Sophocles, who is carrying the HD T.V from earlier)
Sam: Run, Sophocles, run!
Sophocles: From what?! (He turns around to see the hoard of customers. He shrieks, drops the T.V, causing it to break, and runs away from the crowd too.
(Sophocles and Sam find Wendy leaving the clothing area, carrying tons of clothes in her arms. She sees Sam and Sophocles running)
Wendy: Hey, Sam! Want to see some of the clothes I brought?
Sam: (As he and Sophocles run past her) Maybe later, babe, but for right now, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Wendy: (Sees the hoard of angry customers) Oh hell no! (She throws her clothes in a nearby cart, and pushes it as she follows Sam and Sophocles)
(The trio make it to the checkout lines, where they find Doug waiting with a cart full of groceries. Doug turns around to find his daughter, Sam, and Sophocles running)
Doug: What's the rush? (He looks behind them to see the stampede of customers) Oh snap!
(He takes the groceries and follows the trio out of the store…the clerk however sees that Doug and Wendy took their good without paying)
Clerk: Hey, you have to pay for those.
Doug & Wendy: (Throws a wad of cash at the clerk's face) Keep the change!
(Out in the parking lot, the four heroes run to Sophocles' car (with Doug sliding across the hood of the car to get to the passenger seat). Sam and Wendy hastily throw the groceries and clothes in the back of the car and join Doug and Sophocles in the car as the latter person gets ready to turn it on)
Wendy: (Sees the angry customers coming) Hurry, Sophocles, they're almost here!
Sophocles: (Turns the car on) Yes!
Sam: Punch it!
(Sophocles drives out of the parking lot and speeds off as the angry mob of customers just stares)
Customer #1: Come back with our plant, dicks!
Sam: (Sticks his head out the window) Suck my balls! (The car drives off)
(Inside the car, our heroes are happy they escaped)
Doug: That was amazing!
Sam: Oh, you know it! That plant must really be sought after. There was only one left when I got there.
Sophocles: You mean you got the last one.
Sam: Yup.
Wendy: Now that's good luck. Can we take a look?
Sam: Sure. (Sam opens the bag and takes out the Venus fly trap-esque plant) It looks awesome.
Sophocles: (Looks behind him for a brief moment then goes back to driving) By taking a quick glimpse at it, it looks like it has great color pigmentation. I should show this to Cody. We can do research on the plant there.
(As Sophocles' car drives back to South Park, the female figure from earlier is watching the city of Denver from a tower in the abandoned oil refinery)
Female Figure: Those damn fools. They actually brought my plants like the greedy little consumers they are.
(The person comes out of the shadows to reveal a woman with red hair and green eyes. She's wearing a necklace with flowers and leaves, a red sleeveless hoodie, gray pants, and she is barefooted. She also has two vines that are wrapped around her right arm and her left leg. This person is Bianca Thorne)
Bianca: It'll only be a matter of hours before humanity pays for their sins against nature…and for taking away the man that I loved.
(Back at South Park, our four heroes arrive at South Park Hills. Sophocles parks his car in front of Cody's mansion. Sam grabs the plant and our four heroes run up to the front door. Sophocles opens the door and they enter the living room where they find Cody and Bebe cuddled up on the couch sleeping)
Wendy: Aw, they look so adorable.
Doug: They're going to miss the new plant.
Sophocles: I think we should leave them. They seem pretty comfy and conten…
Sam: (Cuts him off and tries to wake Cody and Bebe up by shouting) CODY, BEBE, WAKE UP! JUSTIN BROKE OUT OF JAIL AND HE'S COMING AFTER US! SOPHOCLES AND MR. STEVENS ARE DEAD!
Cody & Bebe: WHAT!?
Bebe: (Starts bawling) Daddy, no!
Cody: This can't be happening. My uncle, my uncle!
Sam: (Chuckles a bit) Just kidding. I only said that so you'd wake up.
Wendy: Wow, Sam, that is fucked up on so many levels.
Sam: Oh come on, can't you all take a joke?
Bebe: (Wipes the tears from her eyes as Cody comforts her by holding her) There are just some things we don't joke about, and our enemies are on the top of the list…especially if Justin is concerned! (Groan) Whatever, what's the big emergency?
Sophocles: We got back from Sam's Club, and we brought the new plant released by Throne Co.! Feast your eyes on this! (He shows Cody and Bebe the venus fly trap plant)
Cody: You wake us up from a peaceful nap all so you can show us a plant!
Sophocles: I figured you two might want to see it before I conduct research on it.
Bebe: Sure, why not. We're already up.
Sophocles: Perfect. Follow me to the study.
(The five follow Sophocles to the mansion's study. Upon arriving there, Sophocles places the plant on a desk and he begins examining)
Bebe: (Looks at the color) That plant is really…well…green.
Sophocles: Yes, the pigmentation and color is something to be respected on this plant. (He opens the plant's mouth to show small sharp teeth) This fly trap has excellent teeth. They all appear to be symmetrical with even length and shape. (He taps the fly trap's head) Hmm, sturdy. (He grabs a scalpel, and makes an incision in one of the vines. The cut heals itself in a matter of seconds) Whenever damage is done to the vines, the plant heals itself with great speed! This is amazing. We could be looking at a super plant. Bianca Thorne has outdone herself this time.
Wendy: I wonder how she made it?
Sam: She must have grown these plant near a nuclear power plant or something.
Plant: Oh no, not that. She just uses a bit of, shall we say…magic.
Sam: Magic, huh? Now I've heard every…(Does a double take) Did that plant just talk!?
Plant: Of course I talked, you Fonzie wannabe.
Sam: What, just because I'm wearing a leather jacket makes me a Fonzie wannabe?
Plant: Now, now, there's nothing wrong with that. The Fonz is cool you know. (Raises two of his vines and tries to give a thumbs up with them) Ay!
Doug: Did whatever magic Bianca used allow you to talk?
Plant: Of course. I am the Gigas Fly Trap, and I am quite possibly Ms. Thorne's greatest creation.
Cody: Gigas… doesn't that mean giant.
Plant: Check out the big brain on moneybags over here.
Cody: No offense, but you're very tiny.
Plant: No shit, Sherlock. But I grow to incredible sizes, hence the name "Gigas Fly Trap." You think maybe the six of you could help a poor little plant like me grow.
Sam: Sure. What do you need? (Takes out a watering can) How about some water?
Plant: Nope.
Wendy: (Grabs a random bag of fertilizer) Maybe some fresh fertilizer?
Plant: (Shakes head) Mmm-mmm.
Cody: Plants grow when you talk to them. What do you say to a good story book? I could read you some Edgar Allen Poe, or a Shakespearian Play, or something from Mark Twain, your choice.
Plant: (Yawns)
Doug: (Grabs some very bright light bulbs) Maybe we can shed a little light on the situation.
Plant: (Blows a raspberry)
Bebe: Well what the hell do you want then?
Plant: There's only one thing that I require to grow to my full potential…blood.
(Cody tenses up at hearing that)
Sophocles: Blood, huh? That's a little bit strange. Of course Thorne Co.'s plants have always been pretty out there.
Plant: If you want me to grow, I need blood. If I don't get blood, I die.
Cody: You guys can't seriously be thinking about giving this thing blood. I mean, the whole thing just sounds a bit sketchy…not to mention a total rip-off of Little Shop of Horrors (Under his breath) Seriously what is this writer smoking?
Plant: Oh please, everyone. Give me some blood. Don't you all want to be the envy of your friends, the talk of the town. You'll all be famous if you have a superpowered plant like me on your side.
Sophocles: Hmm, maybe if we give you blood and you really do grow…I can further my research on you. Learn more about you.
Plant: If that's what you desire, doctor, then make with the blood.
Sam: Hey, Sophocles, doesn't Mephesto have blood samples back at the lab?
Sophocles: Yeah, but he'd kill me if he learned that I stole them. We have to think of another source of blood. (Turns to Bebe and Wendy) Hey, girls, by any chance is it…you know…that time of the month for either of you?
Bebe: Augh, no!
Wendy: Doc, you know you shouldn't ask that.
Sophocles: Well, sorry, we need blood to make this thing grow.
Bebe: Wait! I have an idea. (Faces Cody) Sweetie, find me a jar. We're going to get some blood.
Cody: (Grabs a jar that's sitting on a nearby bookshelf) Okay, babe. But I still think this is a bad idea.
Bebe: (Turns to Wendy) Wendy, remember that day at the mall eight years ago? You know, when I first got to meet Sam and…(Clears throat) He who shall not be named!
Wendy: Oh yeah, I remember. Why, what are you going to…
Bebe: Hey, Sam, look over here! (She grabs Wendy's skirt, and lifts it up to show her panties. Upon seeing Wendy's underwear, Sam gets a major nosebleed, causing blood to fly) Hurry, Cody, catch the blood!
Cody: Got it! (He catches the blood in the jar as it flies from Sam's nose. The jar get filled to the brim just as Sam's nosebleed stops)
Sam: (Wipes blood from his nose) I forgot how serious of a problem my nosebleeds were.
Wendy: (Straightens her skirt up) Well I'm not a hundred percent on the method on how we got the blood, at least we got it.
Cody: (Gives Sophocles the jar) Here you go, uncle. Just…please be careful.
Sophocles: Have no fear, nephew of mine. I'll be just fine. (Takes jar from Cody) Okay, plant, open wide.
Plant: Okay! (Opens his mouth as Sophocles pours blood into it until it empties out)
Sophocles: So, plant, how do you feel? (The plan laughs manically) Uh, plant?
Plant: You idiots, you actually fell for it! (Starts to grow in size and his vines extend) Mistress Bianca will be happy to know that I have six perfect blood samples for Damien.
Cody: (Turns to his five friends) See, what did I say!? I knew this was a bad idea!
Plant: Be good little humans get in my mouth so that I may chew and grind you all up, and store your delicious blood in my vines. (He attempts to slam his vines down on the six, but they dodge out of the way)
Sophocles: Freaky fauna! (Looks to see his scythe sitting in the corner of the study) I think it's time we do some trimming. (He runs to the scythe, and the plant sees it)
Plant: Where do you think you're going, doc?
Cody: Look out, uncle!
Plant: For nature! (He swings his vines at Sophocles, but he dodges them all. He eventually grabs his scythe and gets ready to fight) Oh like a little blade is going to stop me.
Sophocles: This'll surely cut you down to size.
Plant: Bring it on! (He swings his vines at Sophocles but…)
Sophocles: Scythe Full-Swing!
(He swings his scythe and cuts all of the vines off)
Plant: Gah, my vines! You'll pay for that!
Sophocles: I don't have to pay for shit, you mean green mother from hell!
Plant: No matter, they'll just grow back.
(The vines start to grow back slowly)
Sophocles: I guess I'll have to dispose of you quickly then. (He charges at the plant and swings his scythe) RAH! (He slashes the plant right on the head, cutting it wide open. Upon creating the cut, magic energy seeps out of it and the plant starts to shrink)
Plant: (Screams) You cursed scientist! Look what you've done! Oh what a world, what a world! Who'd have thought a good little scientist like you would destroy my beautiful viciousness! Oh, I'm going, I'm going! Ohhhhhhhhh!
(The plant is reduced to a little seed that Doug picks up)
Doug: So this is what's left of that monstrosity, eh?
Wendy: Looks like it, dad. (Takes it from Doug and tosses it in a nearby wastebasket)
Cody: You made quick work of that fly trap, uncle.
Bebe: Yeah, not bad for a 50 something year old man who smokes like a chimney.
Sophocles: I'm going to take that as a compliment.
(Wendy looks to see Sam with a worried expression on his face)
Wendy: What's the matter, Sam?
Sam: This just occurred to me. If hundreds of other people brought this plant back in Denver, does this mean…
Sophocles: (In one breath)…That those fly traps are sentient as well and convinced the citizens of Denver to give them some blood so they can grow to gargantuan size and wreck shit all over the place and collect blood of other citizens to revive Damien, and it might also be possible that Bianca Thorne might be the sixth advocate…(Inhales deeply) Yeah there's a high chance of that.
Sam: (Starts to leave the study in fear) Oh no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no! (The other five chase after him)
Wendy: (Calls after him down the staircase) Sam, where are you going?
Sam: I've got to get to Denver. The shit is going to hit the fan hard! In the meantime, Wen-Wen, round up the rest of the gang! I need all of the help I can get! Wish me luck!
(Runs out the front door)
Wendy: Sammy, wait!
(Too late, Sam runs out the door to get ready for the fight of his life)
Cody: So…what do we do now?
Doug: You hear Sam, he said we should round up the rest of our team to help take this new threat on. So let's go!
Sophocles: I just can't believe a renowned botanist like Bianca Thorne would be an advocate.
Cody: If there's anything this quest has taught us, uncle, the advocates have turned out to be stranger people.
(The five leave the mansion to go find their friends)
(Cut to Sam, now dressed as Sir Justice, driving fast down the streets of South Park on his motorcycle. He gets to the freeway entrance drives even faster)
Sam/Sir Justice: Oh man! I hope I'm not too late.
(He speeds off to Denver. Speaking of which, we cut to Bianca's hideout at the oil refinery. Night has fallen and she is standing atop a tower and looks at the city in the distance)
Bianca: My revenge begins now! Once I get the blood needed to revive Damien and break down the 13 stones that seal him away in his tomb, he and I will re-create this world and make it beautiful again, like it was before all of the pollution and deforestation! My time is now…
(We cut to the city of Denver. In an apartment building, there's a tenant just sitting down in front of his T.V, eating some pizza, and watching the Roseanne marathon)
Roseanne: (To Dan) Well, that was real pretty.
Dan: I don't want to talk about it. Where are they sleeping?
Roseanne: I thought you said you didn't want to talk about it.
Dan: Where are they sleeping?
Roseanne: They're sleeping in the girls' room, and Darlene's going in D.J's room.
Dan: Perfect.
Roseanne: Well, it was either that or let them go to some cheap motel where they'd actually enjoy it.
(The tenant chuckles and takes a bite of his pizza. It's at this moment a vine busts through the T.V set, and more vines bust through the wall)
Tenant: What in the world! (He runs away, and tries to leave his apartment, but more vines are there waiting for him. They grab him and he screams in fear)
(The next scene of destruction is in a movie theater. The patrons are watching a comedy and laughing their asses off. It's at this moment one of the Gigas Fly Trap's busts his head through the movie screen, causing the patrons to leave the theater in fear)
(The next scene of destruction takes place at a grocery store that's across the street from the movie theater. One plant busts through the floor, and another appears from the store's deli section. The customers and workers leave the grocery store in a stampede)
(The scene after that, the same patrons and workers that left the theater and grocery store look to see more Gigas Fly Traps, much bigger than the one that Sam and company faced, wreaking havoc throughout the city of Denver, breaking buildings with their vines, and tossing cars and other vehicles in the air. Tons of civilians run down the streets in hopes of not getting caught in the ensuing chaos. Any people that the plants caught imeditaely get thrown into the plants' mouths and gobbled up, storing the blood of the victims in their vines. Many more plants bust through some of the cities shops and apartment buildings until the entire city is overrun with them. Suffice it to say, the Denverites are all screwed (Author's Note: Imagine the alternate ending to Little Shop of Horrors…which actually inspired me to write this chapter LOL XD))
(Finally we cut to the Denver City Limits where the police and military are barricading the city, making sure nothing goes in or out. The police are leading people away from the city so they don't get caught in the chaos too. It's at this moment when one officer sees the headlights of a motorcycle…Sam/Sir Justice finally made it to Denver)
Officer: Hey, you, stop!
Sam/Sir Justice: (Drives right through the barricade, but some of the officers and travelers recognize him from his appearance on Death T.V)
Traveler: It's that Sir Justice dude! He'll save the city!
(Sam rides into the city, and he stops and parks his motorcycle on a hill in Denver's local Park. He looks to see tons of those plans destroying the city and harvesting blood from the civilians)
Sam: (Gets off his bike) Damn, Bianca Thorne is certainly someone that prefers nature over nurture. (Grabs one of his guns with his right hand and grabs his lightsaber with his left) Nevertheless, it's time that these evil weeds…get whacked!
TO BE CONTINUED…
(I know you've all heard this before, but I'm sorry for having you all wait almost a month for the next chapter. But do you want to know what happened? Life happened. Work gave me a hectic schedule, I caught a small head cold in late-June that just made me lose motivation to write this fanfic, I had writers block for this chapter, and I was playing Kingdom Hearts 2.8 and Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy. I don't know when I can get the next chapter out, but I'll try and get it out as soon as I can, so just bear with me please. Anyway, have a great day/afternoon/night/wheneverthefuckyoudecidetoreadthis)