The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints: Episode 18: Cody's Family Reunion (Part 1)
(Edit: In this episode, Sam gets more gifts from his friends, but I originally had Bridgette's gift be something different. I changed it just for the heck of it)
(It's another sunny Friday in mid-May. At the South Park Town Limits, a black pick-up truck pulls over on the side of the road. The pick-up truck is pulling the semi-trailer from the end of last episode. The driver gets out to stretch his legs and he looks at the town in the distance. This man is Cody's other uncle, Noah Oppenheimer)
(Noah has a nice physique, appears to be a few years younger that Sophocles, has brown hair and green eyes. He's wearing a black lab coat, a white button up shirt underneath, and beige pants with brown loafers)
Noah: (Takes a cigar out of his pocket and smokes it) Sophocles, brother, I've finally made it! I haven't seen you in the longest time. Hopefully this weekend we can reconnect. If we can, that'll make me happy…but sad at the same time, because by the end of this weekend…your blood will be mine!
(Intro song: Resonance by T.M Revolution)
(The intro starts with the town of South Park, and a teenaged Damien looks down on the town from atop a hill)
(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara? Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka?)
(Enemy soldiers dressed in black are attacking the town and spreading chaos and destruction)
(Roku ni me mo awasazu unmei ni made karandeku Yukisaki moro kabutteru kuenai yoru wo hashire)
(The main characters that include teenaged Samuel/Sir Justice, Kurt/Smith the Kid, Bridgette/the Singing Angel, Ursula/Samurai of Light, Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress, Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens, Kenny/Mysterion, Cartman/Coon, Butters/Professor Chaos, Stan/Tool Shed, Kyle/Human Kite, Craig/DJ C-Rage, Tweek/Peppy Prince, Token/Tupper Wear, Clyde/Mosquito, Red/Madame Knight, Heidi/Fatal Feline, Annie/Darling Dame, Leon/Beo-Wolf, Mr. Slave/Glamorous Gardener, Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens, Doug/Cerulean Viper, Cody/Mr. Gentleman, Dr. Sophocles, and Mephesto and his genetic experiments charge into the town ready for the fight of their lives. They all fight off the soldiers)
(Fukaoi shisugita mabushisa ga warui yume ni tsuzuite mo)
(Damien appears along with his 13 commanders (10 of which are Trent, Justin, Ethel, Max, Tobias Shredder, Paris Hilton in her Smiles mask and power suit, Dimitri, Charon, Ms. Penelope Marlowe, and Bianca). Our heroes look at each other, smirk, pull out their weapons and fight)
(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka? Deatta wake wa dou datte ii mikitsukerarete Fureta shunkan no kizu no fun dake tashika ni nareru)
(Damien steps forward ready to face our heroes, and they prepare to clash as the title of the fanfic, "The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints" appears)
(We start this episode at a random apartment complex in South Park. The complex appears to be meant for at least the upper middle class and it very clean and tidy when compared to any other of South Park's complexes. We cut to one of the rooms on the top floor, and someone opens the door to one of the apartments. The person drops a backpack on the floor and walks out to the balcony. That person is none other than…Samuel Cooper himself)
Sam (v.o): Well hello again. You're probably wondering how I found myself in a nice place like this. Well, I'll tell you through a little montage. Drop the beat!
(Cue Imma Be by Black Eyed Peas)
(Imma Be, Imma Be, Imma Imma Imma be! Imma Be, Imma Be, Imma Imma Imma be! Imma Be, Imma Be, Imma Imma Imma be! Imma be be be be Imma Imma be! Imma be be be be Imma Imma be! Imma be be be be Imma Imma be!)
(We start our montage a few nights ago when Sam is looking at apartments on his computer at his old home)
Sam (v.o): When Store Justice opened back in 2017, the Guess Clothing Company said I'd get half of the store's profits. Eight years later, I saved up enough money to do whatever I want. And since my parents are too busy with work to be at home, and I'm legally an adult, I might as well get my own place.
(Imma be on the next level. Imma be rocking over that bass tremble. Imma be childing with my motherfucking crew! Imma be making all them deals you wanna do! Imma be up in them A list flicks doing one handed flips and Imma be sipping on drinks cause Imma be shaking my hips)
(Next shot, Sam arrives at the new apartment. He gives the landlord some cash and Sam takes a look around the apartment. It's empty, so he starts to figure out a layout of the furniture)
Sam (v.o): I moved to the top floor of a rather nice apartment complex: One bedroom, one bath, a small kitchen/dining room, and a decently sized living room. I had my knick knacks, nightstand, and my bed, so my bedroom is covered in terms of furniture and decorations, but then there's the rest of the rooms in my new home. So my next stop was obviously IKEA!
(Honeys in debt, but we bouncing them checks. I don't really mind when they boucning them checks. Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be rich baby. Imma be, Imma Imma be. Imma Imma be. Imma be sick with the flow when the goal is to rock the whole globe. Imma be the future. Imma be the whole. Reason why you niggas come to a show you can see what I'm rockin' and I'm kickin' down a door)
(Next shot is Sam and his friends picking out furniture for the new apartment. They look for couches, tables, chairs, fridges, , groceries, clothes, all of the essentials for a new home. Sam writes a check for the cashier that checks him out)
Sam (v.o): With the help of my friends, we were able to find the proper furnishings for my new place. Everything was going my way.
(Imma be up in the club. Doin' whatever I like. Imma be popping that bubbly. Coolin' and living that good life. Oh let's make this last forever partying and we'll chill together. On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and…)
(Next shot is Sam and his friends moving the furniture into the apartment. Next thing you know, the rooms that were empty are full of tables, chairs, an entertainment center, refrigerators stocked with food. It really has turned into a beautiful home. Sam even hired painters to paint a mural of his persona, Sir Justice, onto a blank wall in the living room)
(Imma be rocking this like, what! Y'all niggas wanna talk shut but! Wanting you put ito n the blog, nigga! Rocking like this my job, nigga! We can't help that we popular and all these folks want to flock to us. Come to a show and just rock with us. A million plus with binoculars)
(Sam is having a blast in his new home. He has friends like Stan, Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters over to play video games on the entertainment center. He has Wendy over for a date at his place. He has Kurt, Bridgette, and Ursula over for dinner and to reminisce on the good old days. And he even kicks Kelly Rutherford-Menskin out of the apartment after she sneaks in one day)
Sam (v.o): My place is the bomb, man! I'm able to entertain all of my friends, it makes for a great date spot for me and Wendy, and it's just nice to get privacy whenever I can. This must be what it's like to be a bachelor. And it's all thanks to the oodles of cash I saved.
(Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be. Imma be living that good life. Imma be living that good good (x4). Imma be (x16).)
(Next we see Sam cooking meals, reading novels, watching T.V late at night, taking a candlelit bubble bath, dancing, and sleeping all in his apartment. We finally cut back to present day where we left off, with Sam on the balcony of his apartment and he's looking out in the distance)
Sam (v.o): This apartment was the best thing that ever happened to me, no joke. Only problem, it gets lonely when I have nobody over. It's kind of depressing.
Sam: Maybe I'll go over to Stan's place and see what he's up do. (Leaves the balcony and heads for Stan's house)
(End song)
(Cut to Stan's house where Sam walks up to the front door and knocks. Stan answers the door)
Stan: Hey, Sam! Just the person I wanted to see.
Sam: 'Sup, Stan. Can I come in?
Stan: Of course. I just have Apollo over. We're just watching some cheesy 80s action movies if you want to join in.
Sam: Sure.
(Sam walks into the house and finds Apollo sitting on the right side of the couch. On the table in front of him are bowls of chips and popcorn which are sitting in front of a T.V)
Apollo: Ah, hello, Sam! (Pats the middle cushion of the couch) Come and pop a squat. We just reached the climax of this film.
Sam: Okay. (Sits in the middle of the couch)
Stan: (Walks up to Sam with some gifts and he sits on the left side of the couch) Here you go, Sam. (Gives the gifts to Sam)
Sam: What's this? My birthday's not for another six months.
Stan: Just some house warming gifts for your new apartment. And by house warming gifts, I mean more weapons for you to play with in battle.
Sam: Really?
Stan: Yeah. Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Maria, Apollo, Kurt, Bridgette, Ursula, Wendy, Mr. Testaburger and I went over to Sophocles' lab and made you eight new weapons. Take a look. Open mine first.
(Sam opens Stan's present and finds two chakram)
Stan: Those chakrams are great throwing weapons. I had Sophocles make them so they can light on fire. Guess what else? He said that if you spin the chakrams real fast, you get a neat surprise for both yourself and your enemy.
Sam: Very cool. (He opens Kenny's present next, it's a boomerang)
Stan: It's not much, but Sophocles made that boomerang so it can fly long distances at fast speeds.
Sam: Awesome.
Apollo: Open the next gift. It's kind of mine and Maria's gift mixed in with Cartman's.
Sam: Okay. (He opens Maria, Apollo, and Cartman's gift. It turns out to be the gauntlets Millie made, armor on the back and all, but this time there are slots on the back of the gauntlet and gems on the palms)
Stan: Those slots are meant for retractable claws. From what Cartman told me, they can light on fire too.
Apollo: And those gems on the palms can fire energy blasts. Maria and I figured it'd be more convenient and easier to use than taking out those guns.
Sam: Cool. (He looks over at Wendy and Doug's gift next) I wonder what my beautiful sweetheart Wendy and her father gave me? (He opens their gift and it's a scarf with a orange broach on it. The scars itself is half blue and half red)
Stan: Go on, put it on.
(Sam puts the scarf on, clicks the broach and the scarf comes to life and acts as another pair of arms)
Sam: Now this is where it's at!
Apollo: You still have four more gifts to open up, Sam.
Stan: Why don't you open up Kyle's next?
(Sam opens Kyle's gift and it's a giant Fidget Spinner)
Sam: I remember when these things were big back in 2017. I've never seen one this big before. (He tries to spin it but Stan stops him)
Stan: I wouldn't spin it in my house if I were you. If you spin that, it would generate huge gusts of wind that would tear this place to shreds. I'd get in a lot of trouble.
Sam: Okay. (He opens Ursula's gift next: A whip)
Stan: That whip is made of a very strong material. And if you click that button on the bottom, you unlock that whip's true power.
(Sam opens Bridgette's gift next: A quiver full of arrows and a bow made of metal)
Apollo: Those arrows Bridgette made are supposed to explode on impact. Should be useful.
Stan: And that bow is made of some sturdy metal. It'll take a lot for it to break.
Sam: Nice. So, what did Kurt get me?
Stan: Open it and find out?
(Sam opens Kurt's present and finds a lazer cannon made of metal and small canisters that are holding energy)
Sam: Holy shit sauce!
Stan: Compared to all of us, Kurt put the most work in his gift. You remember Max and his Disintegration Beam attack, right?
Sam: It's one of many things about that mechanical monstrosity I wish I could forget.
Stan: Well, Kurt made this lazer cannon based on that specific attack. Use this on any adversary and they'll be nothing but a pile of ashes.
Sam: How deadly, yet so awesome! All of these new weapons you all gave me are so amazing! I hope we find the seventh advocate soon so I can give them a test drive.
Stan: We'll find him in due time, Sam. So, anyway, what brings you by?
Sam: Nothing really, I just got very bored and lonely in my new apartment. I figured I'd swing by and see what you are up to.
Apollo: You can chill here and watch movies with us if you want.
Stan: Yeah. I have plenty of snacks to go around.
Sam: Thanks.
Apollo: But if you really are lonely, why don't you ask Wendy if she wants to move in with you.
Sam: While that is a great idea, I don't know how her parents will react, especially Doug. He may treat me like one of his own, but I have a feeling that'll all be thrown out the window the moment I ask Wendy to move in with me.
Apollo: I understand.
Sam: Speaking of significant others…(Turns over to face Stan) Are you making headway with Heidi?
Stan: Not at all…Wait a minute, how do you know I have the hots for her?
Sam: I see how shy you get when Heidi is in the area.
Apollo: I can see how coy she gets when around you.
Sam: Honestly, I wouldn't be against you and Heidi hooking up. Both of you haven't been in the dating scene for a while. But while Heidi is constantly trying, and failing, to get back in the game…you haven't even tried to get back out there.
Stan: Eh, thinking about it. Getting back in the game is a bad idea. I'm not sure how her parents will react if I ask her out. And I'm also worried she'll break my heart. The last time I had a broken heart was when Wendy broke up with me back in 2016.
Sam: I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
Stan: Dude, I went emo. That's how trying of a time it was for me.
Sam: But you're wiser and older now. If Heidi breaks your heart like Wendy did you to, you'll get over it, realize there are plenty of other fish in the sea, and move on.
Stan: I'm not so sure. I think I'll hold off on joining the love game for a bit. Besides, the single life isn't so bad.
Sam: (Sigh) Whatever, Stan. I'm not going to argue with you on this. It's your life, live it how you want to. I think I'm going to shoot Wendy a text so we can go out and play some miniature golf later tonight. (He pulls out his phone and tries to text her but can't) Damn, I keep forgetting the wi-fi reception is terrible here. Stan, can I use your computer and email her?
Stan: Sure go ahead. My room is the second door on the right when you get upstairs.
Sam: Thanks, bud.
(Sam leaves for Stan's room so he can email Wendy. Apollo and Stan keep watching their movie and eating snacks when suddenly…)
Sam: (From upstairs) WHAT THE FUCK!
Stan: Sam?! What's wrong?
Apollo: We'd better go check it out. Come on.
(Apollo and Stan head upstairs to Stan's room where they find a horrified Sam sitting at a desk looking at Stan's laptop)
Stan: Sam, you screamed. What's wrong?
Sam: There's so much porn!
Stan: Dude, what are you doing looking at my private shit?
Sam: What do you mean, "private shit?" Dude, I woke your computer up from sleep mode and found…this! There's got be at least a thousand files on here.
Stan: I've been meaning to clear some of that out.
Sam: Apollo, come look at this!
(Apollo goes over to looks at the computer with Sam and he looks just as horrified as he does)
Apollo: Oh my God, that's vile!
Sam: And look at the organization here: Caucasian, ebony, Asian, Hispanic, Girl-on-Girl, Guy-on-Guy, MILFS, FFM, MMF, 69, anal, vaginal, oral, clockwise rimjob, counterclockwise rimjob. Why do you have both type of rimjob, Stan?!
Stan: Sometimes I like to see the tongue go the other way.
Sam: And look at this! Rule 34 fanart! This is Rule 34 fanart that he has saved in folders. My Little Pony, Undertale, Sonic the Hedgehog, Disney, this is insa…(The next Rule 34 fanart folder he sees shocks him) Apollo, this next Rule 34 fanart folder…it's Rule 34 fanart of us, the South Park Saints!
Apollo: Holy fucking shit!
(Stan breaks into a cold sweat)
Sam: What am I even looking at! Stan, you have a picture here of you, me, and Token giving triple penetration to Wendy! Why!?
Apollo: And look at that next image. Is Kurt eating ice cream out of Annie's…(Holds in vomit)
Sam: Oh my god I'll never be able to eat ice cream again. And what's this image. (He looks at the image and he's not sure if he should laugh or cry) There is an incest picture of Bebe and her father. AN INCEST PICTURE!
Apollo: And she looks like she's enjoying it! What the hell?! We can never show any of our friends this. They will kill us. And look at this next image, it's of Craig and Tweek…they're…they're.
Sam: I can't look at this anymore. It's too horrifying.
Stan: Guys, please stop.
Apollo: And what the hell is this folder. Chicks with dicks?!
Stan: (Blushes in embarrassment) Oh my God! Okay, fine I'll admit it! I have a disease. A serious porn addiction. I need help.
Sam: There are no chicks with dicks, Stan! Only guys with boobs!
Stan: If I'm being honest, I'm glad that I was found out. I wanted to be caught that's why I left my porn stash open so that someone, my family, my friends can learn about it and help me. (Cover his face in shame) Tell me, what should I do?!
Sam: I'll tell you what you're going to do Stan, now listen up and listen good! You've got to get back out there and ask Heidi out because you are spiraling out of control here. At first we wanted you to ask Heidi out so you can be happy, but now you have to it for your mental health!
Stan: Okay fine. I'll ask Heidi out. Just please stop looking at that shit.
Sam: Stan, we're serious. Okay, the next time you see Heidi, the very next time you see her, you are asking her out and getting your ass back in the game! (Closes Stan's laptop)
Stan: I swear to God, I promise I'll ask her out.
Sam: Okay good. (Grabs Stan's laptop) Now, after witnessing the evils that your laptop held, the only logical thing to do now would be to destroy it.
Stan: Why, we'll just delete the files.
Sam: Nope, shit like this can always be recovered somehow. We have to shatter this thing into a million pieces.
(Cut to Stan's backyard where Stan, Apollo, and Sam are dressed in their superhero clothes)
Apollo/Psychotic Plague: Psychotic Knuckle! (Punches the computer causing the screen to shatter. Apollo then tosses the laptop up in the air and before it can fall back to the ground, Sam shows up)
Sam/Sir Justice: (Whips out lightsaber) Red's Blade! (He cuts the laptop into even pieces, and they fall on the ground)
Stan/Tool Shed: (Takes out sledgehammer) Hectic Hammer! (Smashes the laptop into even smaller pieces, destroying it) Okay, I think we're done now.
Sam/Sir Justice: I don't think so. Someone could reconstruct the circuits if they worked at it. We've got to burry this thing at Stark's Pond)
(Cut to Stark's Pond where the three teenagers, now out of their superhero clothes place rocks and the laptop pieces in a garbage back. The rocks are meant to weight the back down. Stan throws the bag into the pond and it sinks to the bottom)
Sam: Okay, it should be fine now.
Apollo: Wouldn't it have been much easier and less time consuming if we just burned it with fire?
Sam: Yeah, but this way was more fun. Anyway, I wonder what Cody's up to.
Apollo: Why don't we pay him a visit? (The three teenagers row back to shore)
(Cut to Cody's Mansion where he's guiding Stan, Sam, and Apollo into his game room. The room in question has green carpeting, yellow wallpaper with white stripes, and wooden molding. Cody has things like loudspeakers that play music, a billiard table, an air hockey table, a ping pong table, and a huge T.V with movies and video games. It seems that the likes of Kevin, Millie, Maria, Sophocles, Clyde, and Bridgette are already here. Kevin is jamming out to the music blasting on the loudspeakers, Sophocles is watching a sports game on the T.V, Clyde and Maria are playing billiards, and Millie and Bridgette are playing air hockey)
Sam: This is quite the game room you have here, Cody.
Cody: I'm not one to brag but, yeah, it's pretty awesome.
Clyde: (Notices Stan, Sam, and Apollo) Hey, look who's here!
Maria: Hi, brother, would you like to play next round?
Apollo: I'll give it a try. (Goes over to Clyde and Maria)
Stan: (Sees Kevin dancing) Hey Kevin, let me show you how it's done. (Goes over to dance with Kevin)
Kevin: So you think you can dance? Shake it for me, drop it like it's hot, dude!
Cody: I'm glad you decided to swing by, Samuel. I need the moral support.
Sam: Why, what's wrong?
Cody: Well, I've invited Bebe over as well because I want to ask her something. I want to ask her if…
Sam: Oh you're going to propose to her?! Congratulations! Granted, I think you two are too young, you both haven't even graduated high school yet, and you should probably wait until you tie the knot. But on the other hand you and Bebe have been together for eight years. That's the kind of love that endures. I don't care what you do as long as you know what you're doing.
Cody: Uh, Sam, I don't plan on proposing to Bebe…at least not yet. Listen, my family reunion is happening tomorrow. I want to invite Bebe so she can have a chance to meet my family.
Sam: Oh. Well that's cool.
Cody: It is. I already asked Mr. Stevens if it was okay, and he agreed. He trusts me completely.
(As soon as he says that, Cody's butler, Reginald, walks into the game room with Bebe)
Reginald: Master Cody, Mistress Bebe has arrived. (He leaves as Bebe enters the game room)
Bebe: Hi, Codykins! (She hugs and kisses Cody)
Cody: Bebe, my dearest darling.
Bebe: From what I understand you wanted to ask me something.
Cody: That's correct, my beautiful flower.
Bebe: I'm flattered you wanted to talk to me in person, but I also could've accepted a phone call or e-mail.
Cody: But if I did that, I wouldn't get to stare into your gorgeous blue eyes.
Bebe: Awww.
Millie: (Overhears this) Get a room, lovebirds.
Sam: (Igornes Millie's comment and faces Cody) Go on, Cody, tell Bebe what you told me.
Cody: Okay. (Faces Bebe) Bebe, I'd like it if you could come with me to my family reunion in Boulder tomorrow.
Bebe: (Blushes) R-Really.
Cody: Yeah. I want everyone to get a chance to meet you. And don't worry, I already asked you father if you can go and he says yes. He trusts me completely.
Bebe: I-I don't know what to say. I want to go, because I get to be with you, babe. But I've never really met any other member of your family outside of Dr. Sophocles and occasionally your parents.
Cody: You don't have to come if you don't want to.
Bebe: I didn't say I don't want to go. It sounds like a load of fun, I'm just worried that your family won't like me.
Cody: The Oppenheimer's have a special motto…
(Before Cody can say it, someone else say sit for him. It's Cody's Uncle Noah)
Noah: (Enters the room) A friend of one of the Oppenheimer's is a friend of them all.
Cody: Uncle Noah!
Noah: Hey there, Cody, how the hell are you, buddy? (Hugs Cody)
Cody: I've been doing great, uncle.
(Sophocles turns his attention away from the T.V to see his brother)
Sophocles: Noah, brother!
Noah: Ah, Sophocles, my little brother! It's great to see you again. (The two shake hands) It's been a while.
Sophocles: I'll say. You haven't talked to any of us in person for about ten years or so.
Noah: I know. I missed you.
Sophocles: I missed you too.
Noah: (Turns to Cody) So, my nephew, who are these other people you have here.
Cody: I'd like to introduce you to my friends Sam, Millie, Kevin, Clyde, Bridgette, Maria, Apollo…(Holds Bebe's hand) And this lovely lady is my girlfriend, Bebe.
Noah: I say, nephew, you have a fine taste in women.
Cody: (Chuckles) Easy, uncle, Bebe is mine.
Noah: Don't worry I'm not going to steal her from you. You two actually look cute together.
Bebe: (Smiles) We're glad you think so…uh, Noah was it?
Noah: You got it. You seem like a nice girl Bebe. We'd be honored if you come with us to the Oppenheimer Family Reunion.
Sophocles: Yeah, Bebe, it'll be fun.
Cody: Don't tempt her, you two. It's Bebe's choice whether she wants to go or not.
Bebe: (Thinks for a few moments) Okay, let's do it.
Noah: That's the spirit. It'll be fun.
Bridgette: Clyde, Apollo, Maria, Millie, Kevin, and I can come with you for moral support. Isn't that right everyone?
(The five other friends nod)
Bridgette: That's okay with you, right Sophocles?
Sophocles: You know what they say, the more the merrier.
Clyde: Awesome!
Kevin: I'd better get home and pack my bags.
Millie: Same here!
(Clyde, Apollo, Bridgette, Millie, Kevin, and Maria leave so they can prepare for tomorrow)
Sophocles: (Turns to Sam and Stan) Would you two like to come with also? We don't mind.
Sam: No, it's cool.
Stan: Yeah, plus there's some yard work my dad might need help with tomorrow.
Sophocles: Suit yourselves. (Turns to Bebe) So, we'll all meet back here tomorrow at 7:00 A.M. Make sure you get a good night sleep. I'll be sure to phone the six coming with us the same thing.
Bebe: Okay.
Noah: Well, I'm going to head back to my hotel suite at the South Park Inn. See you all tomorrow at the family reunion.
Sophocles: Okay brother, have a good night.
(Noah leaves, but as he leaves Cody's mansion, he talks to himself)
Noah: So, some of these kids are the South Park Saints Satan has warned me about. If that's the case, then this weekend just go a whole lot more interesting. (Chuckles evilly)
TO BE COTINUED…
(Question of the chapter: How do you feel about most of the characters being shipped with OCs? And follow up, how do you feel about Red being a lesbian in this fanfic (Refer to earlier chapters)?)