The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints: Episode 19: Cody's Family Reunion (Part 2)
(The time has finally come for the Oppenheimer Family Reunion. Cody, his parents Harold and Linda, Sophocles, Bebe, Clyde, Bridgette, Millie, Apollo, Maria, and Kevin are riding in a limousine to the event with Cody's Uncle Noah following behind with his pick-up truck and semi-trailer)
(Harold Oppenheimer is has combed back brown hair and blue eyes, and he is wearing a green sweater vest with a blue diamond pattern on it and he has a white undershirt underneath it, black pants, and brown loafers)
(Linda Oppenheimer has nice long strawberry blonde hair and green eyes, and she is wearing a yellow button up blouse, tan colored pants, and black heels)
Millie: I've never rode in one of your limousines before, Cody, it's quite nice.
Harold: We're glad you like it…uh…do you prefer Millie or Mildred?
Millie: Most of my friends call me Millie, but it doesn't matter.
Linda: We're just glad to see more of our Cody's friends. We've seen Bebe plenty of times, but we've never really seen a lot of you folks.
Clyde: We're glad we finally get a chance to meet you guys too.
Harold: Sorry we don't see each other often, my wife and I are always busy with our jobs that we barley get to spend time with each other as a family. That's why I cherish moments like this.
Cody: I cherish moments like this as well, father.
Harold: I'm glad son.
Bebe: So, Cody, what's your great grandfather like? I mean, it is his mansion we're visiting after all.
Cody: Oh, Bebe, you'll love Great Grandpa James. He's so nice and I'm sure he's going to like you just like the rest of our family will. Like our family motto goes, "A friend of one of the Oppenheimers is a friend of them all." Just wait, you and him will get along just fine.
Bebe: I sure hope so.
Bridgette: (Looks out the back window of the limousine to see look at Noah and his semi-trailer)
Apollo: Hey, Bridgette, what's wrong?
Clyde: Yeah, babe, you seem a little…nervous about something.
Bridgette: I'm just curious as to what's inside that semi-trailer that Noah is dragging?
Sophocles: Noah said that it was a surprise meant for the whole family.
Harold: A surprise, eh? That's peculiar, growing up Noah wasn't a fan of surprises.
Sophocles: And he was less of a fan trying to make surprises.
Cody: Maybe he's trying something new.
Sophocles: Maybe, but I'm sure whatever it is it's of little to no concern.
(Meanwhile, in Noah's semi-truck, he is thinking to himself as he's driving)
Noah: My little brother Sophocles was always the prodigy in the family, always the center of attention…but I was the one who couldn't do anything right, or the one who couldn't amount to the likes of him. Oh, ho, ho, ho, but today is the day…that'll all change in the blink of an eye.
(A quick shot of the gorilla mech inside the semi-trailer is shown before we cut to the introduction)
(Intro song: Resonance by T.M Revolution)
(The intro starts with the town of South Park, and a teenaged Damien looks down on the town from atop a hill)
(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara? Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka?)
(Enemy soldiers dressed in black are attacking the town and spreading chaos and destruction)
(Roku ni me mo awasazu unmei ni made karandeku Yukisaki moro kabutteru kuenai yoru wo hashire)
(The main characters that include teenaged Samuel/Sir Justice, Kurt/Smith the Kid, Bridgette/the Singing Angel, Ursula/Samurai of Light, Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress, Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens, Kenny/Mysterion, Cartman/Coon, Butters/Professor Chaos, Stan/Tool Shed, Kyle/Human Kite, Craig/DJ C-Rage, Tweek/Peppy Prince, Token/Tupper Wear, Clyde/Mosquito, Red/Madame Knight, Heidi/Fatal Feline, Annie/Darling Dame, Leon/Beo-Wolf, Mr. Slave/Glamorous Gardener, Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens, Doug/Cerulean Viper, Cody/Mr. Gentleman, Dr. Sophocles, and Mephesto and his genetic experiments charge into the town ready for the fight of their lives. They all fight off the soldiers)
(Fukaoi shisugita mabushisa ga warui yume ni tsuzuite mo)
(Damien appears along with his 13 commanders (11 of which are Trent, Justin, Ethel, Max, Tobias Shredder, Paris Hilton in her Smiles mask and power suit, Dimitri, Charon, Ms. Penelope Marlowe, Bianca, and Noah). Our heroes look at each other, smirk, pull out their weapons and fight)
(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka? Deatta wake wa dou datte ii mikitsukerarete Fureta shunkan no kizu no fun dake tashika ni nareru)
(Damien steps forward ready to face our heroes, and they prepare to clash as the title of the fanfic, "The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints" appears)
(We cut back to the town of South Park where Sam and Wendy are out on a walk)
Wendy: So, how's life for my handsome bachelor?
Sam: Pretty sweet. A little lonely, but sweet.
Wendy: So why don't you look for a roommate? Perhaps Butters would like to room with you and get away from his parents for a while.
Sam: Not a bad idea. In fact, I was actually thinking about asking you if you want to move in with me…but then I was worried as to what your parents would think. I just spent the last eight years trying to get your father to like me and I don't want to ruin what we have.
Wendy: I understand. Well, I told my parents that when I graduate high school next month I'd like some independence when I go on to college. Maybe I'll rent out a small studio apartment near campus…and maybe you can move in with me then. You'll never be lonely again.
Sam: (Hugs her) Baby, you're the greatest.
Wendy: Aw, come here you.
(Sam and Wendy begin to make out when Kurt and Heidi appear in front of them)
Heidi: Alright, break it up you crazy kids.
Kurt: Yeah, don't make us turn the hose on you two.
(Sam and Wendy stop kissing to turn their attention to Heidi and Kurt)
Sam: Oh come on, dude, I've seen you kiss Annie many times before.
Wendy: Speaking of which, where is she?
Kurt: Since prom is coming up, Mrs. Knitts decided to take her, Red, and Ursula dress shopping. Mr. Knitts is out visiting some family in Oregon for the weekend and decided to close the bakery for today. That pretty much means I have the day off today.
Heidi: And I'm just hanging around here because plot demands it.
Kurt: Anyway, we're glad we found you. Come with us!
Wendy: Why? What's happening?
Kurt: It's Cartman!
Sam: What happened? Did he find the seventh advocate?
Heidi: No, nothing like that. Just come with us!
(Sam, Wendy, Heidi, and Kurt hurry off to Cartman's house. Upon arriving there, the four heroes see Cartman showing off a white Ford Transit to Stan, Kenny, Kyle, and Butters)
Sam: Whoa, nice van.
Wendy: Is this what you two wanted to show us?
Kurt: Yup. Apparently Cartman got this van off of someone from Craigslist, hardly used, in mint condition.
Heidi: From what I've heard, this van is the 2020 model with speeds up to 150 mph, can seat up to 15 people, and has a secret compartment in the back that can fit a body…if one needed to of course.
Cartman: (Turns notice the quartet staring from across the street) Hey, dudes, over here! (Sam, Wendy, Heidi, and Kurt come over) What do you think of my sweet ride?
Sam: I don't know what to say, dude. It's…downright kick ass awesome!
Kurt: A fine machine indeed.
Wendy: My question is how even acquired this vehicle to begin with?
Cartman: Simple, really, I just saved up my allowances for the past few years, asking for advances here and there, and boom…Ford Transit! The guy brought it over this morning. I'm taking this baby for a spin around town later today. My mom said I could.
Stan: Where do you plan on going with it?
Cartman: I told my mom I'd be going to Walmart.
Butters: Walmart? Can we come along for the ride?
Cartman: Of course you can all come…for 20 bucks each.
(The rest of the gang makes noises of disapproval)
Kyle: Dude, that is a dick move.
Cartman: (Laughs) Just kidding.
Kyle: (Groans) Even though your behavior evened out over the last eight years…your trollish sense of humor hasn't.
Sam: So, Cartman, can we call our parents so they know where we are?
Cartman: I guess that's okay. I also have our costumes and weapons up in my room in case shit hits the fan while we're out.
Kenny: Good call, dude.
(Before our heroes go anywhere, however, Kelly Rutherford-Menskin decides to swing by)
Kelly: Morning, do-gooders! (Hugs Sam, causing him to roll his eyes) And a very special good morning to you, my wonder boy.
Wendy: (Glaring at Kelly) I'm going to need someone to hold me back before I do something I might regret!
Stan: Wendy, take deep breaths and think about green pastures with nice apple trees.
Cartman: Or you could let your temper flare and give Kelly what she deserves because OH MY FUCKING GOD! She is so annoying and why does she insist on following us around?!
Kenny: (Manages to pull Sam free from Kelly's hug) Yeah, Kel, seriously, don't you have anything better to do?
Kelly: Let's see, I have no homework this weekend, my parents are out of town, everything on T.V is shit…nope I have nothing better to do. So, what are you guys up to?
Wendy: If it's any business of yours, we're going on a little road trip.
Kelly: Really?! Where to?
Cartman: None of your goddamn business that's where we're going!
Kelly: Aw, you guys can tell me.
Butters: (Enthusiastically) We're going to Walmart!
Kyle: Damn it, Butters!
Kelly: Walmart! Can I come?
Wendy: No way, uh-uh, absolutely not!
Kelly: (Pouts) Aw, Sam can't you do something.
Sam: Well, uh…(Turns to look at his friends who are shaking their heads. He turns back to face Kelly) It seems that I'm outvoted, Kel…I'm sorry.
Cartman: Yeah, so go home and take a nap or something.
Heidi: Come on, everyone, let's phone our parents.
(As everyone goes inside Cartman's house to make a phone call to their parents, Kelly is still standing outside)
Kelly: I'm coming with you all whether you like it or not. I just have to hide in Cartman's nifty new van.
(Kelly heads over to the back doors of the van and finds the secret compartment in the floor. She opens the door to it, gets inside, and closes the door to both the back of the van and the compartment. It's at this moment when everyone comes out of Cartman's house, costumes in tow)
Cartman: Alright, y'all ready to hit the road?
Kurt: Oh, you bet I am, dude!
Butters: Let's take to the highway, good buddy!
Kyle: I'll keep our costumes with us in the back.
Sam: Kyle, you're a gentleman and a scholar, thank you.
Kenny: I call shotgun!
(Everybody gets into the Ford Transit, buckles their seatbelts, and Cartman drives off)
(We cut to Cody's party when they finally arrive to Great Grandpa James' Mansion in Boulder. His mansion is about three stories tall and looks like something straight out of Newport, Rhode Island)
Clyde: (Looking out the limousine's window and is intimidated by the mansion's sheer size) Woah! Look at this!
Cody: Impressive, isn't it?
Apollo: Impressive is the understatement, Cody.
Harold: The Oppenheimer family wealth is one that spans many generations. It's that wealth that gave my grandfather James this mansion.
Kevin: Not even lying, this mansion makes your mansion look like a refugee tent, Cody.
Cody: You're impressed now, wait until you see the backyard.
(The limousine stops with Noah stopping his vehicle behind Cody's team. Everyone gets out to find an old man waiting at the bottom of the front steps with two of his. This old man is Great Grandpa James Oppenheimer. Everyone gets out of their respective vehicles to greet him)
(James Oppenheimer is a 97 year old man, and even though he appears to have a nice physique for a man his age, he's still carrying around a metal walking stick. He has blue eyes, pure white hair and a groomed white mustache and beard. He's wearing a dark blue sweater jacket with a gray undershirt, green pants, and brown loafers)
James: Good to see you all again.
Sophocles: Grandpa James, it's been a while.
James: It most certainly has, grandson. (Sees Noah) Noah, what a surprise! We haven't seen you in a while.
Noah: What can I say? I had other business to attend to.
James: Still It'd be nice to hear from you every once in a while. I missed you.
Noah: (Smirks) I've missed you to, grandpa.
Cody: Hi, Great Grandpa James.
James: Oh, Cody! Look at how much you've grown. You've sprouted up like a weed since the last time I saw you, my great grandson.
Linda: (Hugs her son) That's my little Cody, growing up every day.
(Cody's friends giggle causing him to blush)
Cody: (Chuckles) Stop it, mom, you're embarrassing me.
James: (Looks over at Cody's band of friends) Who are these folks you brought here, Cody?
Cody: Oh, Great Grandpa James, these are my friends: Apollo, Maria, Millie, Kevin, Clyde, Bridgette, and last but not least, my beautiful girlfriend, Bebe.
James: Why, it's nice to meet you all. (Looks over at Bebe) Especially you, Barbara.
Bebe: Barbara? I haven't been called that name in years. It feels kind of nice.
James: I'm so glad that my great grandson managed to find somebody that makes him happy. So, how about I give you all a tour of my humble abode?
Clyde: That sounds like a kick ass idea, dude!
Bridgette: (Whispers in his ear) Babe, I love you enthusiasm, but don't forget he's from another generation.
Clyde: (Thinks for a bit) What I meant to say was…That sounds like a kick ass idea, sir.
James: Come along then, follow me.
(Everybody follows James inside while Noah sees them off)
Noah: You lot go ahead, I'll catch up with you in a moment. (He leaves for his semi-trailer, talking to himself as he walks along) Sophocles has always been the center of attention. Between the two of us, it's always my younger brother that's been the most successful. Nobody seems to give a damn about me. (He opens up the door to his semi-trailer) Well now…that's all about to change! (He admires his gorilla mech and grins evilly)
(We interrupt this moment to take you back to Cartman and his gang, who are riding down I-70 in the Ford Transit. Kelly is still stowing away in the secret compartment)
Kelly: (Thinking to herself) Damn, it's so cramp in here. My muscles are getting so sore. No worries, as soon as the van stops, I'll get out to not only give my body a well deserved stretching, but also to surprise my Samuel.
(As Kelly continues to swoon over thoughts of Sam, we cut to the rest of the crew who are just enjoying the ride…or at least Cartman is. The rest of the crew is confused as to where they're going)
Sam: Hey, Cartman?
Cartman: What is it, dude?
Sam: Why do we have to get on the interstate to get to Walmart?
Wendy: Yeah, we already have a conveniently placed on back home.
Cartman: I don't like to go to the one in South Park anymore. I want to explore and see what other Walmarts there are around here.
Kyle: You don't like to go to the Walmart back in South Park? Why?
Cartman: Parking sucks. It takes 10 minutes to find a good space.
Kyle: That's your reason? The parking sucks? Dude the service is great in that Walmart, it's clean, and the selection of DVDs are badass. It has just about every movie imaginable!
Cartman: You can reason with me all you want, but we're still going to find another Walmart.
Kyle: Whatever, dude.
Kenny: You're such a dumbass sometimes, Cartman.
Wendy: Sometimes? Try all times.
(As that's going on, Sam turns over to Stan)
Sam: Stan, I think this is your chance to ask Heidi out. Look, she's sitting right there. (Points at Heidi, who is sitting in her seat trying to apply blush)
Stan: I don't know. You think I can do this?
Sam: Are you kidding, I know you can do this. I have a gut instinct that Heidi is the one for you. All you have to do is just say these magic words, "Heidi, would you like to go out sometime?"
Stan: What if she says no?
Sam: Her loss. You're a cool guy and any girl would be lucky to have a dude as awesome as you.
Stan: But what if…
Sam: Enough excuses! (He reaches into his pocket for a stick of gum and gives it to Stan) Here, give this to Heidi. This'll be a good conversation starter. Now get out there and don't report back to me until you've settled on what restaurant you want your first date to be at.
Stan: Okay, wish me luck. (He scoots over to Heidi) Hey, uh, Heidi.
Heidi: (Puts her blush away) Hey, Stan, what's going on?
Stan: Nothing…I…just wanted to give you some gum. (Gives her the stick of gum)
Heidi: Oh, gee, thanks Stan. (Unwraps the gum and eats it) You're so thoughtful.
Stan: (Blushes and chuckles nervously) What can I say…I'm the perfect gentleman.
Heidi: (Nods) Uh-huh. So is that all, or is there something else?
Stan: (Inhales deeply) Actually, there is something else.
Heidi: You can go ahead and tell me, Stan. I'm all ears.
Stan: Well, Heidi. What I want to ask you is…would you like t-
(Before Stan could finish his sentence, Cartman hits a bump in the road, causing Heidi to choke on her gum)
Kurt: Oh snap, crackle, and pop! Heidi is choking!
Butters: Oh hamburgers!
Sam: (Realizing that Heidi is choking on his gum) And now's the time I tuck and roll. How do I get out of here? (Starts looking for an exit)
Stan: Hang on, Heidi, I got you! (He gives Heidi the Heimlich maneuver, causing her to spit out the gum. It bounces off the windshield and hits Wendy right in the eye)
Wendy: Gah!
Kyle: Gross, dude!
Cartman: I'll say, some of your spit got on my windshield, Heidi.
Wendy: (Takes the gum out of her eye and throws it out the window) Heidi, I'd better not catch anything from having your spittle laden gum wad fly into my face
Heidi: (Panting) You mean mono? Wendy, relax, I've never had mono ever! Actually, I haven't caught much of a cold in three years.
Stan: You must have a very healthy immune system.
Heidi: Yeah, I drink lots of orange juice. So, what were you saying, Stan?
Stan: I…uh…nothing…it's stupid.
Heidi: Oh…okay.
(Sam shakes his head and looks out the window, trying to figure out where in the world they are)
Sam: Cartman, I don't know where we are anymore.
Butters: (Shudders nervously) Are we lost?
Cartman: Relax everyone. It doesn't matter if you know where we are.
Kurt: What do you mean it doesn't matter? You said we were going to Walmart! But we're not! We're like in fucking, Black Hawk or something! I don't know, I'm not familiar with this area!
Kenny: Kurt, calm down. Something's telling me this is another one of Cartman's tricks.
Cartman: I don't even know what you're talking about, Kenny.
Kyle: You don't know what he's talking about? You've been…(He notices that Cartman has passed another exit) Oh fuck! Where are we going!
Cartman: You'll find out.
Sam: Cartman, this isn't funny anymore! Get us off the interstate, now!
Cartman: (Sigh) Okay, Sam, because you asked so nicely, I'm being sarcastic by the way, I'll get you all off of the interstate. (He gets off at the next exit for Evergreen)
Wendy: Answer me this, Cartman, are we really going to Walmart, or are you just fucking with us.
Cartman: Okay, I'm just going to tell you all this right now, because you're going to find out in a couple of minutes…we're not going to Walmart.
Kenny: (Sarcastically) Gee, what a shocker.
Cartman: Kenny, shut up! Anyway, I wanted a Sausage Egg McMuffin.
Sam: A Sausage Egg McMuffin!
Cartman: Yes…with a hashbrown.
Sam: From where?
Cartman: McDonalds! Where else would I get a McMuffin?
Stan: There's a McDonalds on Pleasant Avenue back at home!
Cartman: I didn't want to go to the one on Pleasant Avenue. I like coming out here.
Kyle: But we told our parents that we're going to Walmart with you, not a McDonalds in Evergreen!
Butters: I don't know guys, I'm kind of enjoying myself on this little ride.
Heidi: Butters, nobody cares! Our family thinks we're going to Walmart, but we're actually going on a Mickey D Adventure miles from home!
Sam: I don't know, maybe some good can come out of this. I think we're all a bit hungry and we should get some food in us.
Cartman: Nice job looking on the bright side, Sammy!
Sam: Just shut up and drive, man.
Cartman: Okay, okay, Mr. Bossy. (Continues to drive towards McDonalds)
(Meanwhile, with Cody and Bebe's party, James Oppenheimer finishes giving the tour of his mansion by showing them his living room. The living room has access to the backyard via a sliding glass door. The room itself has loads of pictures of the Oppenheimer family all over the white walls. The ceiling is painted to look like the sky, and there's a chandelier in the center of it. The room itself has marble floors, big cozy red chairs and couches, a huge T.V with stereo system, small stone tables with brass lamps, a stone coffee table, and mahogany shelves with more pictures, books, and assorted knick-knacks all over them)
James: And this is my living room.
Clyde: (Whistles) Now this is a sweet living room.
Bridgette: Yes, Mr. Oppenheimer, this is quite the room if I do say so myself.
James: Why thank you. I make sure to adorn my living room with the best furniture I can get my wrinkly mitts on.
Kevin: (Lays down on James' couch) Oh this is where it's at! I can just nap right here.
Sophocles: Kevin, where's your manners! Get your feet off the furniture!
James: Leave the boy alone, Sophocles. Besides, if he ruins it I can always buy a new one.
Millie: You mean it's okay if we just put our feet on the furniture?
James: I really don't care, young lady. You know what they say: Mi casa es su casa.
Apollo: (Looking around) This whole mansion is amazing! How do you even afford it?
Kevin: Yeah, are you some kind of wizard that just makes gold and coins appear out of thin air?
Harold: Actually everyone, our grandfather was a part of a band of high paying mercenaries.
James: Yes I was. Back in the late 1940s to the mid 1980s, Cody's Great Grandmother and I were a part of a special forces organization that specialized in the eradication of ghosts, aliens, monsters, zombies, cyborgs, and leprechauns.
Millie: Leprechauns?
James: Yeah, leprechauns were pure evil back in the day. That crappy movie about them that was made in 1993 was actually a documentary from one of our members that survived an encounter with one of them.
Bebe: No disrespect, sir, but this all sounds a little farfetched.
James: Oh it's real, I have all of my trophies to prove it! (He points at the "trophies" that are sitting on some shelves. These trophies are actually bones and remains of monster that he's slain in his younger days) And also, you should know by now that this writer enjoys making stuff up.
Maria: Whatever crack this writer is smoking I want some.
James: (Ignores that comment) We were a part of the Phenomenal Abomination Wiping Guild: A worldwide organization dedicated to monster hunting.
Clyde: Wait, back up a minute. Phenomenal Abomination Wiping Guild?
James: Yes, P.A.W.G!
Clyde: I really hope you realize that since your day, someone took those same letters in that same order…but changed the words so they'd fit in well with the porn industry.
James: Really? What does it stand for?
Clyde: Uh…it's not appropriate, just look up P.A.W.G on Urban Dictionary when you find the time.
James: Okay then. (Turns to Cody) Cody, be a lamb and grab that picture on the top shelf of my wall unit.
Cody: Yes, sir. (He grabs the picture and gives it to James. The picture is a huge group photo of a young James Oppenheimer, his wife, and a bunch of other people of different ethnicities. James shows it to everyone)
Maria: Look at all of those people.
Kevin: Are these your brothers and sisters in arms, Mr. Oppenheimer.
James: Yes indeed. Like I said, the Phenomenal Abomination Wiping Guild is a worldwide organization dedicated to monster hunting and paranormal investigating. A few of these members you see here had kids, grand kids, and even great grand kids that are still fighting in the organization today. There aren't as many monsters roaming the land as there were back in the day though. But it never hurts to have an organization like us on standby just in case. I retired from the organization in 1989 when I decided to dedicate my time to my family. I accumulated a vast amount of wealth to add on to my already vast amount of wealth from working in the organization and I figured it'd be a good time to end that chapter of my life.
Apollo: Speaking of organizations, sir, we have an organization of our own.
Sophocles: That's right, grandpa, me, Cody, and these other people that you see before you are members of the South Park Saints.
James: I heard about you all! You sealed Damien away eight years ago and took out six of Satan's eight advocates already. I see my grandson and great grandson are following in my footsteps.
Cody: They're footsteps worth walking on, Papa James.
James: Why Cody, you haven't called me that since you were a wee tyke.
Cody: I figured I'd start using it again. You don't mind do you?
James: (Smiles) Not at all, Cody. So, shall I guide you all to the party outside?
Millie: You know it!
James: Follow me then. (He opens the sliding glass door and shows everyone the backyard. Everyone was amazed with what they saw: An Olympic sized swimming pool, huge gardens, a small area where people can do target practice with clay pigeons, and a pavilion where people ate food and danced among other areas)
Bridgette: Wow! It's so beautiful!
James: (Turns to her) I told you I accumulated a vast amount of wealth from my days in P.A.W.G
Kevin: (Snickers at hearing that)
Harold: Where's Noah!? He's going to miss out on all of the fun!
Linda: I'm sure he'll be here soon, honey, don't worry.
Maria: If he's out in the party, it's going to be hard to find him. There's so many people here that I can't even see him.
James: Like Linda said, he'll turn up eventually. In the meantime, have fun, cut loose and all that good stuff. (Turns to Cody) I'm sure your girlfriend would love to meet the rest of the family, Cody. Get her acquainted with everyone.
Cody: (Looks at Bebe) Is it okay with you?
Bebe: Hey, I'm game. Lead the way, sweetie.
Cody: Okay. (Bebe and Cody leave and head into the party)
James: As for the rest of you, enjoy yourselves. Come find me if you have any questions about the party. I'm glad to have met you all.
Maria: Same to you sir.
Kevin: (Runs for the pavilion) I'm ready to get my feedbag on! (He leaves as the rest of the crowd disperses and enjoys themselves)
(We cut back to Cartman's party, who finally arrives at the McDonalds in Evergreen, CO)
Stan: (Looks at the McDonalds in shock) Dude, you weren't kidding! We really are at a fucking McDonalds, in Evergreen!
Cartman: I'm a man of my word, if I say we're going to McDonalds we're going to McDonalds.
Kurt: You're a man of my ass! You lied, said we were going to Walmart, which is back in South Park, by the way, and now we're miles from home at a McDonalds in another town, all so you could get some food that you can get in literally any other McDonalds in the goddamn world!
Cartman: This isn't like the McDonalds back at home. In this McDonalds, they have Mt. Dew in their soda dispensers and the toilets in the bathroom flush by themselves.
Kyle: (Trying to contain his rage) So let me get this straight. You come all the way out here to Evergreen…just because the McDonalds here has toilets that flush by themselves and…the soda dispenser has Mt. Dew…
Cartman: Yeah.
Kyle: (Explodes) THAT IS THE STUPIDEST REASON TO COME OUT TO A MCDONALDS THAT'S OVER 60 MILES FROM HOME!
Wendy: Yeah, Cartman, you can just order McDonalds to go, and get Mt. Dew at a store somewhere, and what's the big deal about self-flushing toilets!
Cartman: Have you ever used one before?
Wendy: Yes, but that's not the point!
Sam: Can we all just calm down and get some food.
Cartman: Sammy boy has the right idea. Come on, everybody, it's lunchtime!
Heidi: It's a good thing that today is my cheat day.
Butters: I'm getting me a chicken nugget happy meal!
(As everybody leaves the car, Kelly is left alone in the van's secret compartment)
Kelly: Okay, everybody is gone. Now I'll just bust out of here, go into that McDonalds, and give my Sammy the biggest hug a girl can give to the man of their dreams! (Her stomach growls) And maybe grab a Filet O'Fish.
(Kelly tries to bust out of the compartment, but she can't. No matter how hard she tries, she can't get the compartment door open)
Kelly: Uh-oh! This doesn't look good. (Inhales deeply and tries to stay calm) No matter, they'll realize that I'm in here soon enough…I just hope it doesn't take that long.
(After a few more minutes, Cartman's party enters the van, full and ready to continue their journey. Butters is admiring his Happy Meal toy, which appears to be a Mickey Mouse keychain)
Butters: Oh boy, this Mickey Mouse keychain looks so cool! I'm totally putting this on my car keys when I get my driver's license.
Kenny: Totally not trying to sound rude, Butters, but aren't you a little old for Happy Meal toys…let alone Happy Meals in general?
Butters: Oh, Kenny, in my opinion, you're never too old for classic stuff like this! No, sir!
Kenny: Whatever.
Sam: (Turns to Cartman) So, are we finally going home?
Cartman: No, I feel like adventuring a little more.
Kelly: (From inside the compartment) OH, COME ON!
Sam: (Looks around) What was that? Am I hearing that strange voice again?
Wendy: It's probably nothing babe, just relax.
Stan: (Looks at Cartman) Seriously, Cartman, we're still not going home!?
Cartman: Don't worry, I'll have you all home by dark. (With that, the Ford Transit drvies off for more adventure)
(Cutting back to the Oppenheimer family reunion once again, everybody is having a grand time and we cut to different scenes of everyone having fun)
(Scene #1: Kevin is gobbling up plates of hot dogs and hamburgers as some of the members are looking at him with mixed expressions of disgust and amazement)
(Scene #2: Linda and Harold Oppenheimer are dancing to some music while Sophocles dances with a random lady)
(Scene #3: James and Maria are playing against each other in Chinese Checkers)
(Scene #4: Apollo is out with two male members of the Oppenheimer family, let's call them Cedric and Lucas, playing golf on the golf course. Cedric and Lucas are both wearing usual golf attire )
Apollo: (As he and the other two Oppenheimers approach the green of one of the holes) I'll be honest, I never knew golf could be this much fun!
Cedric: See, we told you. (Looks at score pad) You're beating Lucas by five points and you're close to getting ahead of me.
Lucas: Are you sure you haven't played this game before?
Apollo: No, I just have beginner's luck.
Cedric: Okay, Apollo, it's your turn to putt.
Apollo: Okay. (He grabs a putter, putts the golf ball, and it swings around the hole)
Lucas: Aw, tough break, Apollo.
Apollo: Yeah, I guess so…or is it? (Under his breath) Psycho Grip. (Using his mind he makes the ball go into the hole) Booyah!
(Scene #4: Millie is at the Olympic sized swimming pool to get a tan on. Her swimsuit is a green one piece swimsuit that shows the sides of her torso. It has a white floral pattern on it. She also has a nice pair of sunglasses on and a nice sun hat)
Millie: (Relaxing in a chair with a tanning mirror) Oh yeah! Now this is something every girl needs: A little sunlight!
(As Millie is getting her tan on, two more members of the Oppenheimer family, one being a strong male with blonde hair wearing a pair of light blue swim trunks, and the other being a brunette female wearing a pink and white stripped bikini. Let's call these two guys Nick and Mimi)
Mimi: (Looking around and pouting) I can't believe nobody here wants to play water volleyball. And all we need is one more person.
Nick: Calm down, sis. I'm sure we'll find somebo- HELLO!
(He sees Millie and he is completely awestruck by her. Millie then looks at Nick and she blushes hard as well)
Nick: (To himself) Hot babe, 12 o'clock!
Millie: (To herself) Ding, ding, ding! My hunk alarm is going off!
(Nick walks up to Millie)
Nick: H-Hey…I'm Nicholas Oppenheimer. I'm my Great Grandpa James' great nephew. I've never seen such a beautiful jewel like you here before?
Millie: That's because I'm one of Cody's friends. My name is Millie Larsen.
Nick: Beautiful name. So, Millie, me and my sister Mimi are looking for somebody to play water volleyball with if you're interested.
Millie: I want to be on your team! (Jumps into Nick's arms and he's carrying her bridal position)
Nick: Alright, we've got a game going! (Nick and Millie head over to the game in the pool)
Mimi: (Watching them) If they don't end up banging by the end of the night, I'm going to be highly surprised.
(Scene #5: Clyde and Bridgette are out on the clay pidgeon field with another Oppenheimer family member. This one is tall wearing hunting clothes, has brunette hair, five o'clock shadow, and green eyes. He also appears to be in his early 30s. His name is Joshua Oppenheimer. Joshua gives Clyde a double barrel shotgun)
Joshua: Okay, Clyde, you ever used one of these before.
Clyde: Not exactly. What do I do?
Joshua: Just hold the back part against your shoulder, look between the barrels to take aim, and then fire!
Clyde: It's that simple?
Joshua: It's that simple.
Bridgette: Clyde, please, in the name of all that is good, please be careful! Those things can take an eye out!
Clyde: Aw, you worry too much, honey. I'll be fine.
Joshua: Okay, Clyde, I'm about to fire the first clay pigeon. You ready?
Clyde: Does a bear shit in the woods?
Joshua: Yes.
Clyde: Then that's your answer, buck-o! Let 'er rip!
Bridgette: (Covers her eyes) I can't watch! (She spreads her middle and index finger apart so she's staring at Clyde with one eye)
Joshua: Here we go!
(A clay pigeon is fired and Clyde shoots it down flawlessly)
Clyde: Holy crap, that was awesome! (Bridgette lowers her hands, seeing that Clyde knows what he's doing) Let's do another one! (Another clay pigeon is fired and Clyde shoots that one down)
Joshua: Hey, hey, hey, you're a natural kid!
Clyde: God I hope the zombies attack today! (He cocks the shotgun and shoots down another clay pigeon) Bridgette, baby, check me out!
Bridgette: You really are great, sweetie! (To herself) I should not be turned by this right now.
(Finally, Scene #6. Cody is showing Bebe around when they come across two more people. It's Cody's cousin, Brody Oppenheimer, and his girlfriend Natalie. Brody looks like Cody, except he has well groomed black hair, a dark blue sweater, brown pants, and black loafers, and he's wearing contact lenses. Natalie has long brunette hair and green eyes, and she is wearing a long sleeve pink shirt with a peace sign on it, a red skirt that goes to her knees, pink sandals, and diamond earrings)
Brody: Cody, my cousin!
Cody: (Hugs Brody) Hey, Brody! What's going on, my friend!
Brody: Same old, same old, my father's miniature golf course is still the best in Lake George.
Cody: Good to know. (Turns to Bebe) Bebe, I want you to meet my cousin Brody Oppenheimer, and his girlfriend Natalie.
Brody: Hey there, Bebe, nice to meet you. (Shakes her hand)
Bebe: The feeling is mutal, Brody.
Natalie: (Shakes Bebe's hand next) Hi, Bebe. Brody and I heard a lot about you from Cody. You're just as beautiful as he described you. I also feel a nice aura emitting from you. It's calming and pleasant to be around.
Bebe: (Smiles) I'm glad you think so, Natalie.
Natalie: So how long have you guys been dating.
Cody: About eight years now.
Brody: Eight years, Cody?! That's amazing! Me and Natalie have been together for only five.
Natalie: But they were the best five years of my life, sweetie.
Brody: Back at you, honey. (They kiss each other before going back to the conversation) Anyway, we're glad to see you two are happy.
Cody: Thanks, cousin. You two look very content yourselves.
Brody: Thank you. So, out of curiosity, and feel free not to answer, but have either of you…uh…how do I put this? Have either of you taken your relationship to he next level?
Cody: What do you mean, like, sex?
Brody: Well, yeah. I mean, you two were together for eight years. Surely you guys must have done it at least once.
Natalie: Yeah. Me and Brody have been together for five years and we've done it at least on three separate occasions.
(Cody and Bebe aren't sure how to respond)
Cody: Well…it's not that we haven't thought about what our first time will be like. When it's going to happen, where it'll happen, if we should wait until marriage, what protection method we should use. You know, the usual questions.
Bebe: I think another factor is that we're not trying to rush things. Cody and I are going at our own pace.
Cody: We'll be ready when we're ready.
Brody: That's another important factor in relationships: Going at your own pace. Don't rush into things. Make compromises so your relationship is hardly ever on the rocks.
Natalie: I'd say you two are made for each other.
Cody: Yeah. (Blushes at Bebe) I think so too. (Bebe smiles and blushes back).
(It's at this moment when James Oppenheimer comes up to the two couples)
James: And how are we all doing over here?
Brody: We're doing just fine, grandpa. Just hanging out with my cousin and his girlfriend.
James: I can see that. Say, can I borrow them for a second? Unless you lot were having a conversation.
Bebe: No sir, we're fine.
Natalie: Yeah, plus Brody and I were going to head over to the pavilion to grab some food.
Brody: That's right. See you two around. It was nice to meet you, Bebe. (Turns to Natalie) Come along, dear.
Natalie: Okay. (She and Brody leave as James begins his conversation with Cody and Bebe)
Cody: So, what's up, Papa James?
James: Well, since you two are members of the South Park Saints, I figured I'd share a secret that I've learned during my time in P.A.W.G.
Cody: A secret? What kind of secret?
James: It's the power of Love Sync.
Bebe: Love Sync? What's that?
James: Please allow me to explain. I'll go back to the beginning, when I first met my late wife, Gladys. She transferred from P.A.W.G's Indianapolis Branch to our branch in Denver. Our branch needed a good gunman at the time, and she fit the bill perfectly. She was so beautiful. She had beautiful eyes and nice blonde hair, just like you Barbara.
Bebe: Really?
James: Yes. I guess you can say an Oppenheimer's taste in women runs in the family. Anyway, it took a lot of courage, but I finally managed to build up the gumption to ask her out to a play that was showing in Denver that night. The date went so well we just kept seeing each other. There was a sort of pattern to things: Get a case, go on a date, get a case, go on a date. Before either of us knew it, I was asking her to marry me. We enjoyed each other's company so much that I viewed matrimony as the next logical step. Our wedding day was the happiest day either of us ever had.
Cody: I'm sure it was.
James: As years went on, Gladys and I started a family, still working for P.A.W.G, but we didn't really force our own kids to join the organization.
Bebe: That's good. My parents always say you shouldn't push kids into things they don't want to do, or else they'd resent you.
James: So true. Anyway, despite the amount of stress we were under between raising our family and accepting missions from P.A.W.G, Gladys and I still managed to find some downtime to just love each other and remind ourselves why we got married to begin with: To enjoy each other's company and make each other happy. And, of course, every night before we'd go to sleep, Gladys would cuddle up to me, head nestled against my chest so she can listen to my heart beat.
(Bebe and Cody smile warmly at the sheer adorableness of it all)
James: It was one night when we had a cuddle session when I realized that Gladys and I getting together wasn't just a fluke. She nuzzled up to me like she always did, and five minutes later she told me, "Honey, your heartbeat matches mine." It was at that moment, I realized that Gladys was a gift from God, just as I was her gift.
Cody: Matching heartbeats? Is this where this Love Sync comes in, Papa James?
James: Exactly. One day, Gladys and I went on a mission to try and defeat a monster called Tooth Decay. It was supposedly harassing a small town up in Canada. Anyway, the odds were against us when I suddenly heard her heartbeat resonate from within her, just as she heard mine. Our chests started to glow and a new power was awakened. Love Sync allowed us to send that no good Tooth Decay packing. My Gladys and I were the first ones to discover this power and we shared it with our co-workers. Before we knew it, everyone in P.A.W.G was using Love Sync, not just lovers, but close friends too. Love is a very powerful emotion, and with it you can do just about anything. I'm wanting to tell you all this because if you two are truly in love, and you're already in an organization that supports wiping out forces of evil maybe you two can use Love Sync as well. So tell me, Cody, Barbara, how much do you really love each other.
Cody: I love Bebe more than anything, Papa James.
Bebe: For me, there's no life without Cody by my side.
James: Do you think you have the same bond that me and my Gladys shared?
Cody: We've been together for eight years now. I'd like to think so.
Bebe: (Turns to Cody and holds up her hand) Only one way to find out?
Cody: Yeah.
(Cody and Bebe place their hand on the other's chest. And they gasp in realization that their heartbeats sync up perfectly)
Bebe & Cody: A match!
James: (Smiles) Just as I thought. A relationship that lasts as long as yours is one that should be admired. I'm happy that my great grandson found someone he could call his own. I just hope I can stick around for a few more years so I can see you two get hitched.
Cody: I'm sure you will, Papa James. A man your age with great health like yours deserves to go another 20 years or more.
James: My Cody. You know exactly what to say and when to say it. Anyway, if your heartbeats match, that means your bond is practically unbreakable. Something that should be treasured. Something that can be used to your advantage. The next time you two get into a fight with one of these advocates, try using Love Sync. Tell your friends about it too. The more your squad knows about it the better.
Cody: (Smiles) Can do!
(Suddenly, the ground begins to shake. Maria, Apollo, Millie, Kevin, Bridgette, Clyde, Sophocles, Harold, and Linda meet up with the other three)
Maria: Wha-What's happening?
Kevin: I don't know, but I think we're about to find out.
(Suddenly, something jumps up into the sky. It's a giant mechanized gorilla)
Clyde: Now what have we here?
Bridgette: I hope I'm wrong, but I think this is an advocate's doing.
Noah: (On loudspeaker) Right you are!
(A giant T.V pops out of the robot gorilla's head to show Noah sitting in his cockpit)
Millie: Well this is a sudden turn of events.
Cody: Uncle Noah?!
Harold: Brother…
Sophocles: Noah! What's going on here, explain yourself!
Noah: You've been the center of attention for far too long, Sophocles! Now it's my time to shine! I can just imagine Damien's reaction when he hears that he has a whole family bloodline flowing inside him! The thought of it just makes me giddy (Chuckles)! Anyway, party's over! Time to face the wrath of my latest creation…The Haram-bot!
(Everyone gasps, but Millie realizes something)
Millie: Wait…Haram-bot…and it's a mechanical gorilla…..this writer isn't trying anymore is he?
TO BE CONTINUED….AND HOPEFULLY IT WON'T TAKE HALF A YEAR TO GET A NEW CHAPTER OUT.