South Park: The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints

by WildCard0531

Samuel Cooper is a young lad from Houston, TX. He also has a superhero alter ego known as Sir Justice. Watch as Sam goes through life fighting for his friends, the town, and later, the world. The reason I made this fanfic was because I was in the mood to make an anime esque adventure fanfic with South Park characters. Favorite if you wish. Enjoy! First entry in SPS Universe

24. Vacation of Devastation (Part 2)

The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints: Episode 22: Vacation of Devastation (Part 2)

(First long chapter in a while, let's do it!)

(We start this portion of the episode off with our group of 31 walking to the beach wearing their swimsuits, and carrying beach blankets, umbrellas, bags full of snacks, a bag containing the South Park Saints costumes and weapons, and beach toys, ready to have some fun. Our heroes are wearing their swimsuits with pride.)

Sam: (Giggling excitedly) Get ready guys, we're almost at the beach. Get the beach balls, sun screen, and beach toys ready because when we get there, I'm making a mad dash for that ocean.

Bradley: I'll be charging in right behind you, Sam. (Looks up at the sun) I've never experienced a day this hot before.

Esther: Weather channel said that it's in the mid-80s and it'll only get hotter. I'd say we picked the right time to hit the beach.

Bridon: I just hope the heat doesn't screw up our instruments so that they're out of tune.

Craig: It's not the heat, it's the humidity.

Bridon: (Shudders) Even worse.

Ursula: (Does some poses for Red as she walks) Take a good long look at your babe in shining armor, Red.

Red: Oh (Purrs) I'm loving what I'm seeing.

Ursula: I could say the same thing about you. (Whistles) You might just be the most attractive girl on this beach.

Cody: No offense to you two, but that's doubtful. My darling Bebe is quite possibly the beautiful babe you'll ever see.

Bebe: (Blushes) Aw, Cody, you're just saying that.

Cody: No, I'm serious, love. I honestly have never seen anyone this beautiful.

Bebe: (Giggles) Aw, baby. You know, you're look pretty hot too.

Cody: (Blushes) R-Really?

Stan: I've got to side with Bebe on this one, Cody, you look pretty good.

Kurt: Yeah, bud. Never knew that underneath that white sweater of yours was an awesome physique waiting to be shown off.

Cody: Well, after spending six years doing fencing and three years playing polo, I'm bound to be in good physical condition.

Kenny: Guys, can we all just agree that each and every one of us look absolutely bangin'.

Cartman: Don't forget bangable as well.

Millie: You kidding? I say we look beyond bangable.

Butters: Is this how most swinger parties get started? Is this what this romp is going to turn into?

(Everyone laughs at Butters' comment)

Heidi: Not unless you want it to.

(Everyone laughs even harder at Heidi's comment. It's at this moment when our heroes arrive at the beach. There's a good amount of people there having fun, but our heroes were more interested in the sandy landscape and vast ocean blue)

Bridgette: Wow! Look at this!

Francis: It's just like I imagined it!

Annie: No words…should've sent a poet.

Kevin: What are we standing around here for? The beach awaits!

(The group of 31 teenagers run into the beach, ready for an awesome day…but little do they know, many miles from Venice Beach, Captain Alejandro Cervantes and his crew are on their way. Alejandro is looking forward with determination in his eyes)

(Intro song: Resonance by T.M Revolution)

(The intro starts with the town of South Park, and a teenaged Damien looks down on the town from atop a hill)

(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara? Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka?)

(Enemy soldiers dressed in black are attacking the town and spreading chaos and destruction)

(Roku ni me mo awasazu unmei ni made karandeku Yukisaki moro kabutteru kuenai yoru wo hashire)

(The main characters that include teenaged Samuel/Sir Justice, Kurt/Smith the Kid, Bridgette/the Singing Angel, Ursula/Samurai of Light, Wendy/Fuchsia Tigress, Bebe/Sharp Edge Stevens, Kenny/Mysterion, Cartman/Coon, Butters/Professor Chaos, Stan/Tool Shed, Kyle/Human Kite, Craig/DJ C-Rage, Tweek/Peppy Prince, Token/Tupper Wear, Clyde/Mosquito, Red/Madame Knight, Heidi/Fatal Feline, Annie/Darling Dame, Leon/Beo-Wolf, Mr. Slave/Glamorous Gardener, Jeffrey/Sgt. Stevens, Doug/Cerulean Viper, Cody/Mr. Gentleman, Dr. Sophocles, and Mephesto and his genetic experiments charge into the town ready for the fight of their lives. They all fight off the soldiers)

(Fukaoi shisugita mabushisa ga warui yume ni tsuzuite mo)

(Damien appears along with his 13 commanders (12 of which are Trent, Justin, Ethel, Max, Tobias Shredder, Paris Hilton in her Smiles mask and power suit, Dimitri, Charon, Ms. Penelope Marlowe, Bianca, Noah, and Alejandro Cervantes). Our heroes look at each other, smirk, pull out their weapons and fight)

(Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka? Deatta wake wa dou datte ii mikitsukerarete Fureta shunkan no kizu no fun dake tashika ni nareru)

(Damien steps forward ready to face our heroes, and they prepare to clash as the title of the fanfic, "The Legend of Sir Justice and the South Park Saints" appears)

(We cut to the adults of the team, Jeffrey, Doug, Sophocles, Mephesto, Mr. Slave, and Leon, who are on a secluded beach somewhere, ready to partake in guy time. Doug, Jeffrey, Mr. Slave, and Leon are sitting, waiting for Sophocles and Mephesto to arrive with refreshments)

Leon: Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys.

Jeffrey: No problem Leon. But, if you don't mind me asking…wouldn't you rather hang out with Sam and his friends? I mean, they are closer to your age range.

Leon: Yeah, but I figured I'd try and find some older friends. Sort of mentor type characters that can help me through life.

Doug: Well, if you're looking for mentors, we've been around the block a few times. Anything you need, just come to us and we'll help you out any way we can.

Leon: Great. (He looks to his side to see Sophocles and Mephesto carrying a ham with pineapples and cherries on it) Well what do we have here?

Mephesto: Look what Sophocles and I brought.

Alex Slave: It's a ham.

Sophocles: Not just any ham, my homosexual friend. This ham has been soaked in rum.

Jeffrey: So it's a rum ham?

Mephesto: Precisely!

Doug: Where on earth did you get a rum ham?

Sophocles: We passed a butcher shop that was having a sale of about a hundred of these. We would've grabbed like ten more but we would've gotten trampled by all the people that were there.

Mephesto: This rum ham gives you the meaty sensation a normal ham would give you, while also getting you drunk as a skunk. You got the best of both worlds.

Alex Slave: Well, Jesus, what are we waiting for! Cut me off a slice!

Sophocles: With pleasure.

(Sophocles give everyone a slice of some ham and turns to Leon last)

Sophocles: Hey, Leon, you want a slice?

Leon: M-Me? But I'm 20. I'm technically and adult, but that doesn't mean I'm of legal age to consume alcohol. I only have one more year.

Doug: Hey, we won't tell anyone if you don't.

Alex Slave: Besides, you're on vacation. Let loose, Leon. No one has to know.

Leon: (Somewhat snarky) And these are the people I chose to be my life teachers.

Jeffrey: We're not making you, Leon.

Leon: (Thinks for a bit) Ah, what the hell, you only suffer through life once. Might as well live it up like each day is your last. Cut me off a piece of that pig, doc!

Sophocles: You got it!

(Just as Sophocles is about to cut a piece of ham, a random dog starts to bark, wanting a piece of it. The six beach goers try and keep the ham away from him just as his owner comes up to stop the commotion)

Dog Owner: Sparky, down! Bad boy! No! (The dog returns to his owner's side as he talks to the six adults) I'm sorry about my Sparky's behavior. He just love ham.

Sophocles: Don't worry about it.

Dog Owner: If you want my advice, I recommend hanging out somewhere else if you're going to be eating that ham. A lot of owners take their dogs out for walks around here at this hour.

Sophocles: (Turns to his friends) You hear that gang? Unless we want to share this ham with 12 other flea ridden mongrels (Turns back to the dog owner) No offense (Back to his five friends) We're gonna have to pack it up and move our party elsewhere.

Doug: Well where are we going to go? This was the best spot we could find.

Jeffrey: (Looks out into the ocean) I have an idea!

(Cut to the six adults on a big inflatable raft, floating in the sea, enjoying their rum ham)

Doug: (Relaxed sigh) Gotta say, Jeff, this is probably your best idea ever.

Jeffrey: Not as good of an idea as this rum ham.

Leon: Leave it to the good doctor Sophocles to deliver something as delectable as this bad boy.

Sophocles: I can't take all of the credit now, it was the butcher shop that made it. (From the distance, they hear plenty of dogs barking on the beach and their owners looking on in confusion) SCREW YOU MANGY MUTTS!

Alex Slave: Yeah, go lick some peanut butter off of your owner's cocks!

Mephesto: Okay, how Slave, that was too much.

Alex Slave: Sorry.

(Back with our group of 31 teenagers, they all went their separate ways to have some fun. First stop: Bridon, Jason, Esther, and Bradley set up a stage on the beach so they can do a beachfront concert. The concert has attracted quite a number of beach goers, among them are Sam, Wendy, and Terrance Mephesto)

Jason: (Singing) Aruba! Jamaica! Oh, I want to take you!

Bridon: (Singing) Bermuda! Bahama! Come on pretty mama!

Esther: (Singing) Key Largo! Montego! Baby, why don't we go down to Kokomo!

Jason, Bridon, Esther, and Bradley: (Singing) We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow. That's where we want to go! Way down in Kokomo!

Jason: (Singing) Martinique, that Montserrat mystique!

(Sam and Wendy are enjoying the show but Terrance is just looking on annoyed)

Sam: Those guys really are something.

Wendy: Yeah, they're so in sync. Their little band might actually have a future. (Turns to Terrance Mephesto) What do you think, Terrance?

Terrance M: These four are on a cruise to nowhere…and the Beach Boys are overrated.

Sam: Blasphemy.

Wendy: Come on, Terrance, can't you at least try and have a good time.

Terrance M: Try and have fun. (Scoffs) Might as well ask me to be the next president because neither are going to happen anytime soon. (Looks back at the four teenagers performing) Their little band isn't going to last. And even if it does, one of them is going to let the fame go to their heads, causing the other three to quit, wind up in dead end jobs, and find themselves in loveless marriages.

Sam: Terrance, not to sound like a dick, but you're presence in general is really bumming me out, and I can't be around people like you right now. So I'll just see myself out.

Wendy: I'm right behind you.

(Sam and Wendy leave the Terrance and the crowd and head for another part of the beach, but Francis is behind a sand dune recording them)

Francis: (Recording) And here we see Samuel Cooper and Wendy Testaburger, A.K.A Sir Justice and Fuchsia Tigress. These two have been inseparable since the 4th grade. Together they are the two highest ranking members of the South Park Saints. Nobody else on the team can square up to them.

Token: (From behind him) What are you doing?

Francis: (Gets startled and stops recording to look at Token) Excuse me! I was trying to record footage for my documentary.

Token: It looks to me like you're stalking them.

Francis: It's not my fault that you, them, and the rest of your merry band of friends are so goddamn awesome…and I secretly want to become one of you someday. Just let me film my documentary, damn it! Stop interrogating me!

Token: I'm…not interrogating you.

Francis: Sorry, it's just when I'm in the zone, and I'm knocked out of said zone…I get a bit crabby.

Token: (Nervously) Yeah…don't we…all. (Slowly backs away from Francis as he continues to record)

(Back with Sam and Wendy, they're just walking along the beach)

Sam: I just don't know what's up with that Terrance dude. Just because he's not having fun on this vacation, he has to ruin it for everyone else.

Wendy: (Holds his hand) Don't mind him, Sam. It's going take a lot more than a miserable pile of shit like him to bring us down.

Sam: (Smiles warmly) Yeah, as long as we're together, nothing can ruin this vacation. (Brings Wendy into a hug when all of the sudden…) Hey Wendy? Have you noticed that the birds just randomly stopped chirping?

Wendy: Actually…yeah.

Kelly Rutherford-Menskin: (Appears out of nowhere) Hi, Sam!

Wendy: OH GOD!

Kelly RM: I've been looking all over this beach for you, you silly goose.

(Kelly RM's swimsuit is an orange tankini with black heart pattern)

Wendy: Can we go one week without you harassing us!?

Kelly RM: I only "harass" you two just so I can see how well you're treating my little Sammy-Wammy.

Wendy: Well you'll be happy to know that he's very happy right now. Probably the happiest he's ever been.

Sam: That's right! Now there's a lot to do on this beach Kelly. Loads of rides on the board walk, a movie theatre a few blocks from here, and nice places to eat. Wouldn't you rather do those things than follow me around?

Kelly RM: Only if you tag along.

Sam: Okay, Kelly, you clearly didn't hear me the other week in regards to our relationship so I'll say it again: We are not, and never will be, boyfriend and girlfriend. Wendy is may bae, so you need to get out the way. You feel me…lay-day.

Kelly RM: (Giggles) Oh Sammy, you're so good at rhyming.

Wendy: (Whispers in Sam's ear) She's not getting it. Just chew her out. It doesn't have to last long.

Sam: (Whispers back) I'm not going to do that. I'm not a yeller. (Turns his attention back to Kelly) Well Kelly, we'd like to stay and chat, but we have more important things to do… (Points in random direction) Over there so…goodbye! (He and Wendy run off)

Kelly RM: Bye, Sammy! I'll wait for you! Wendy, you better treat my baby right!

(On another part of the beach, we have Stan, Kyle, Heidi, Kenny swimming in the ocean)

Kenny: The water is just the right temperature today.

Heidi: (Spots a big wave coming up) Watch this, guys. (She swims into the wave and when it dies down…she doesn't resurface)

Kyle: Oh my God, Heidi!

Stan: Heidi! No! (Immediately starts to search for her frantically) Heidi are you okay?! No! God doesn't want you yet!

(All of the sudden, something covered in seaweed rises from the water and gets behind Stan)

Kyle: Stan! Look out behind you!

(Stan turns around to see the seaweed monster and he screams in fear…only for the monster to start laughing. The being removes the seaweed to reveal Heidi)

Heidi: (Laughing) Wow, you should've seen the look on your face.

Stan: (Starts to chuckle warmly at the joke) Okay that was pretty cool. I won't lie.

Kenny: Well that was a fucked up trick, Heidi. We thought you drowned!

Kyle: Yeah! Not cool!

Heidi: Well excuse me if my dark sense of humor doesn't tickle your fancies.

Stan: I kind of liked it.

Heidi: Thank you Stan. (Wraps her arm around his waist) At least someone knows good comedy when they see it.

(All of the sudden, Lola comes up on a jet ski)

Lola: Coming through! (Does circles around Heidi, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny and stops after a while) Like my jet ski?

Kenny: Yeah, it looks awesome!

Heidi: How did you get a sweet ride like this?

Lola: There's a rental station not far from here. Yeah, it goes 50 dollars per hour. I've been riding this for almost two hours now.

Kyle: $50 dollars per hour?! That's crazy! Where do you even find that kind of money?

Heidi: You guys are forgetting that Lola's family is among the richest and most powerful families in South Park. The Clark Family, while nowhere near as rich as Cody and the Oppenheimer Family or the rest of the residents of South Park Hills, are still richer than Token and the Black Family. Hell, her family could buy Token and his family…that sounds wrong now that I stop and think about it.

Lola: Uh-huh…Anyway, I'm willing to share my good fortune with you guys.

Stan: Really? Thanks, Lola!

Lola: No problem. So, who wants to ride with me first? (Looks at Kenny and smiles) How about you, Kenny?

Kenny: Oh, uh, sure. Thanks. (Hops on the backseat of the jet ski and wraps his arms around her waist causing Lola to blush) I'm ready when you are, Lola.

Lola: (Snaps out of it) Oh, right! Okay, Kenny, hang on!

(Cue Pump It by Black Eyed Peas)

(Ha, ha, ha! Pump it! Ha, Ha, Ha!)

(Lola and Kenny take off on the jet ski)

(And pump it! (Louder!)(x4))

(They go a good distance as not to run any beach patrons over)

(Turn up the radio! Blast your stereo right!)

Lola: Here is where the magic happens!

(Niggas wanna hate on us! (Who?) Niggas be envious! (Who?) And I know why they hatin' on us! (Why?) 'Cause that's so fabulous (What?) I'm a be real on us (c'mon) Nobody got nothing on us! (No!) Girls be all on us, from London back down to the U.S (S.S) We rockin' it (Contagious) Monkey Business (Outrageous) Just confess your girl admits that we the shit!)

(Lola picks up speed and the she begins doing tricks, turning quickly, and if a ramp crossed their path, they jumped it to get some wicked air)

Kenny: Yee-haw!

(Many beach patrons, including our heroes, begin to turn their attention to Lola and Kenny)

Craig: Whoa, look at them go!

Tweek: Oh! They're going too fast! They're going to hurt themselves (Covers his eyes) I can't watch!

Annie: Kurt, are you seeing this?! They're killing it out there!

Kurt: (Recording the jet skiing with his phone as does Annie) Yeah! This is like an intense game of Wave Race 64!

(F-R-E-S-H Fresh! D-E-F that's right we def (Rock!) We definite B-E-P, we rappin' it! So turn it up (Turn it up) (x3))

(Kenny and Lola continue to ride the jet ski fast)

Lola: Kenny, you having back there?

Kenny: Fuck yes! I love you so much right now!

Lola: (Blushes a little and giggles to herself and starts to swoon)

(C'mon baby just Pump it (Louder!) (x6) And say, oh, oh, oh, oh! Say oh, oh, oh, oh! Yo, Yo! Turn up the radio! Blast the stereo right now! This joint is fizzling! It's sizzling right!)

(Francis starts recording the two of them jet skiing)

Francis: (Recording) And here we have Kenny McCormick, A.K.A Mysterion, riding on the back of a jet ski driven by Lola Clark: One of the richest people in South Park! They are dashing across the ocean as if they were some kind of badass barracuda! This shows that the great Mysterion shows no fear! Holy shit, they gotta be going 60 mph at least! This is either going to result in the most badass X-Game worthy jet ski session ever, or the most wackiest America's Funniest Home Video esque wipeout this side of World Star Hip Hop.

(Damn! (Damn) (x5))

Kenny: I've never felt so alive!

Lola: (Snaps out of swooning to see they are about to crash into a dock) That feeling might go away in the next 10 seconds!

Kenny: Oh shit! Turn, Lola, Turn!

(Record scratch)

(Lola is too scared to turn and they end up crashing into the dock and go flying a few feet into the air. Stan, Heidi, and Kyle look on as they fly through the air)

Heidi: Fly away, crazy kids, be free!

Kyle: Dudes, we've got to check up on them!

(The trio go to help Lola and Kenny. When they arrive to their crash site in the beach, they find a funny sight: Lola on top of Kenny, her breasts in his face)

Heidi: Holy guacamole, that was quite a distance you two flew! Are you okay?

Lola: (Turns to face the trio) Yeah, I'm fine.

Stan: What about Kenny?

Kenny: (Muffled) I'm fine… (Lola lifts herself up from Kenny, and he is in a lust induced daze, nose bleeding) At least something soft landed on me.

(Stan, Kyle, and Heidi laugh, but Lola blushes)

Lola: I'm sorry, Kenny.

Kenny: (Thumbs up, still dazed) Don't worry about it.

Stan: (Helps Kenny up) That was ridiculous. I can't believe Cartman missed that.

Heidi: Hmm. Speaking of which, where is he? (She looks around and sees Cartman tying a volleyball net to two palm trees. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Lola turn their attention to Cartman too) What the hell is he doing?

Kyle: Jesus Freaking Christ! (The five teenagers go over to Cartman) Okay Cartman, what's going on this time?

Cartman: It's the beach, dude. People are bound to get into some crazy shit here and I want to be one of those people.

Stan: What are you even trying to do?

Cartman: I want to use this volleyball net as a giant slingshot. I'll climb inside, pull it back, and go flying!

Kenny: This is just like the time you tried to fly by jumping off your roof.

Cartman: Kind of yes. Think of this as take two from that day. Speaking of take two, it's time to give my speech again. (Clears throat) Since the days of Copernicus man has dreamed of flight. On this historic day…

Heidi: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Orville and Redenbacher, new era of aerial travel, magic of flight, blah, blah, blah! Can you just get it over with, please, before somebody notices and we're banned from this beach?

Kyle: Yeah, get it over with…I want to see you crash and burn.

(Heidi, Stan, Kenny, and Lola giggle at that remark)

Cartman: (Groan) Fine, whatever, spoil the moment. (Inhales deeply) Let's do this!

(Cartman takes a few steps back, causing the volleyball net to stretch back with him. He releases and Cartman goes flying)

Cartman: WOO-HOO! (Goes flying towards the boardwalk)

Kyle: Wow, he's really going flying this time!

Kenny: We'd better follow him!

(The five teenagers follow the airborne Cartman to the boardwalk. On the boardwalk, there's a man trying to sell fresh produce, fruits and vegetables)

Salesman: Get your fresh fruits and vegetables here! Tangerines rich in Vitamin C! Spinach rich in iron! I got it all here! Freshly grown! Get 'em while they're hot!

Cartman: WAAAAAHHHH! (Flies right into a crate that has a bunch of cabbages)

Salesman: GAH! MY CABBAGES!

(It's at this moment when Lola, Kenny, Stan, Kyle, and Heidi arrive)

Lola: Holy crap did you fly.

Kenny: I have to admit, that was pretty fucking awesome.

Stan: (Helps Cartman out of the cabbage pile along with Heidi) Are you okay, Cartman.

Cartman: That was so wicked you guys.

Salesman: YOU! You little beach brats ruined my freshly grown cabbage! Judging by the damage, I need you to give me $250 right now or you're all going to jail!

Kyle: $250!? How are we gonna come up with that money?

Salesman: I'm waiting.

(The six teenagers look nervous when they hear a man's voice behind them)

Voice: Yo, leave these cats alone dude. They just a bunch of kids having a good time…

Kenny: Huh?

(There are four people right behind the six teenagers, three male and one female. The four people appear to be in their mid-20s. They're only known by their nicknames: Ace, Blaze, and Inkwell, the three males, and Carmel the female)

Ace:…Not that we'd expect an old geezer like you to know anything about having a good time.

(Ace has short brunette hair is wearing some white framed sunglasses with blue lenses. He's also wearing an open shirt that's orange with a yellow floral pattern and some red swimtrunks as well as black flip flops. Ace is chewing on a toothpick)

(Blaze has a dark blue tank top, a black bandana on his head covering his black hair tied in a man bun. He's got denim cargo shorts, and black sneakers. His right arm is covered in burns)

(Carmel appears to be a beautiful Hispanic girl with tanned skin. She has long, black hair with red highlights. She's wearing a black bikini top with yellow stars on the cups of the top, and some short olive green shorts as well as brown sandals)

(Inkwell is a buff Asian man with tattoos all over his body. He's wearing brown cargo shorts and some white high top shoes. He's also wearing a green cap backwards)

Ace: Lay off these kids, yo, or your cabbages won't be the only thing of yours damaged.

Salesman: (Groans and turns to the six teenagers) You little punks are lucky. Now get out of my sight before I call the police!

(The six teenagers leave with the four beach goers as they walk along the boardwalk)

Cartman: Thanks for saving us back there, dudes.

Blaze: No problemo, amigo. You six were just trying to embrace the spirit of beach life. Kudos to that, dudes.

Carmel: Yeah, major props. You lot look like you know how to have a good time. (Places a hand on Kenny's shoulder)

Kenny: (Blushes) Oh…thank you. (Lola sees this and glares at Carmel)

Ace: We saw, y'all on the jet ski, and flying through the air like a comet. When we saw all that, we said, "Oh shit! These cool kids know how to have some fun!" But where are our manners. I'm Ace. These three are Carmel, Inkwell, and Blaze, my BBFLs: Best Buds For Life, Yo!

Stan: Nice to meet you. I'm Stan, and these guys here are Heidi, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Lola.

Inkwell: Well you all seem like new faces.

Kyle: The six of us are actually here on senior trip from South Park.

Ace: I've heard of many towns in my day, but I ain't never heard of no South Park.

Inkwell: Hey, Ace, isn't South Park the name of that town with those superheroes? They call themselves, The South Park Saints, or something? I think these cool kids are some of them right now.

Cartman: Well, I guess we've been found out. Yeah, we're the South Park Saints…(Looks at Lola) Most of us anyway. I'm the Coon, Kenny's Mysterion, Kyle's Human Kite, Stan's Tool Shed, and Heidi's Fatal Feline.

Heidi: Meow!

Ace: That's fuckin' dope, dudes! We've got to chill with y'all.

Kenny: Sure, we'll hang. Where do you want to go?

Blaze: Well, we're at the boardwalk, ain't we? Lots of rides and games to be played here, you dig? How's about we kick it here?

Cartman: Kick ass, dude! (Turns to his friends)

Heidi: Actually, I think I'm going to go find some food.

Stan: Can I come along too? I'm feeling a bit hungry myself.

Heidi: I don't mind. Hey, maybe I can take you to my uncle's restaurant.

Stan: I'd like that, Heidi, thanks. (Turns to Kenny, Lola, Kyle, and Cartman) I guess I'll catch up with you four later then, huh?

Kyle: Looks that way. See you later, dude. (Whispers in Stan's ear) Now would be an opportune moment to ask Heidi out. (He leaves with the four beach goers and his other three friends) See you later.

Heidi: Uh, Stan, what did Kyle whisper to you?

Stan: Uh…it was nothing. Just…bets on who was going to win the World Series this year.

Heidi: Oh I hope the Red Sox. They're due for a victory.

Stan: Yeah…So, you ready to go?

Heidi: You bet. Come on, let's go. (The duo leave to find the restaurant)

(We cut to another part of the beach where Butters is busy making a sandcastle)

Butters: (Constructs a tower) That looks good. I think I'll add a flag on the roof. Maybe a few more towers here and there. A tall wall with some guards and a moat with some sharks and Fort Butters will be complete.

Token: (Walks by carrying a boogie board and looks at Butters sandcastle) That's a pretty cool sandcastle you got there, Butters.

Butters: Gosh, thanks Token.

Token: It's really coming along nicely…but wouldn't you rather go swimming in the ocean. Don't get me wrong, you made a great sandcastle, it's just that sandcastle building is kind of kiddy.

Butters: There's nothing wrong with remaining a kid at heart.

Token: I understand. I just don't want anybody to make fun of you.

Butters: Buck-o, my grandma abused me almost every time she visited me until I had the courage to face her head on. I think I can handle anything at this point.

Token: If you say so. I'm going to boogie boarding. Later. (Leaves as Butters continues his sand castle. It's at this point when he hears a voice)

Voice: That sand castle really is coming along nicely.

Butters: Huh? Who said that?

Voice: Over here!

(Butters looks to find a head buried in the sand. The head has short dull brown hair and olive green eyes. By the look on his face, he appears to be about 15 years old)

Butters: (Shrieks in shock)

Head: Heh? What's the matter, never seen a head buried in the sand before? (Chuckles) Relax, I'm just a guy buried in the sand.

Butters: (Getting over his shock) Oh…right. Uh, I knew that.

Head: Didn't think you did. (Chuckles) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. My name's Dan by the way.

Butters: Nice to meet you, Dan, I'm Butters. Well, technically my name is Leopold, but everybody calls me Butters.

Dan: Okay, Butters.

Butters: So, what are you doing buried in the sand?

Dan: Well, since it's Memorial Day Weekend, my school decided to give us today and Monday off so we have a 4-day weekend. My dad is always hounding me to make some friends, so I decided to utilize this weekend to hang out on the beach and make some friends. I told a group of kids about your age that I'd give them $50 dollars if they'd be my friend.

Butters: And what happened next?

Dan: They said if they got the money first and I buried myself in the sand first, then they'd be my friend. So, I gave them my money, even throwing in 10 bucks extra, and buried myself.

Butters: (Seeing something wrong in this scenario) And where are these "friends" now?

Dan: They said they had to go somewhere, but they'd be right back to help me out.

Butters: And how long have you been buried?

Dan: About three hours.

Butters: Uh…

Dan: (Sigh) I know, they're not coming back and they robbed me blind of my cash. Aw well, c'est la vie. Anyway, Butters, if you don't mind could you set me free. It's starting to get sandy in all the wrong places.

Butters: Yeah sure.

(Butters digs Dan up and he is freed. Dan is shown to be wearing a red t-shirt and olive green swim trunks)

Dan: Thanks, Butters. (Looks over at the sandcastle Butters build) Your sand castle really does look nice, doesn't it?

Butters: Yeah, I put a lot of work into it. I want to get into the field of architecture when I graduate.

Dan: That's pretty cool. So, you think maybe you can teach me how to make a castle like that? And maybe knock them down for shits and giggles?

Butters: I don't see why not.

Dan: Cool! Maybe we can hit the boardwalk after that. There's a funnel cake stand here, and boy Venice Beach's funnel cake is to die for.

Butters: Sounds like a plan. You know something, Dan, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

Dan: I think so too, Butters. (The two new friends begin to build another sandcastle)

(We cut to another part of the beach. The likes of Clyde, Cody, Maria, Apollo, Craig, and Tweek are hiding behind some bushes admiring Bridgette, Bebe, Millie, and Kelly Pinkerton-Tinfurter as they are just sunbathing. Clyde and Cody are focused on the former two girls, but the latter two girls are being gawked at by Craig, Tweek, and Maria. Apollo looks like he could care less)

Clyde: Damn, Bridgette looks hot in that one piece. It really is better to conceal rather than reveal, no?

Cody: (Not listening to him) Bebe looks so beautiful. An absolute beach goddess. I'd love nothing more than to rub sun lotion on those seductive legs and the soft and supple skin of her back.

Clyde: What's stopping you, bud? She's your girlfriend.

Cody: As a loyal lover to Bebe, I never like to disrupt her when she's in the middle of girl time with any of her friends. It'd be very rude of me to intrude on her like that.

Craig: Hey, Cody, you say Bebe's legs are seductive? (Points at Kelly PT) PT's legs are absolutely perfect. That girl is 5'6'' of beauty right there.

Tweek: I don't know about you, but Millie looks absolutely adorable. Green really is her color.

Maria: (Licks her lips lustfully) I personally have no favorites with these four. They all look hot to trot.

Cody: I never knew you were a lesbian, Maria.

Maria: Yeah, well, since Apollo and I weren't made like most humans, we were made without a specified sexuality. So in short, anything goes.

Craig: That's hot.

Maria: Don't believe me? Back in Apollo's mischief making days he'd "assault" people of both genders. Ain't that right, brother?

Apollo: (Still thinking about what Noah said)

Maria: Apollo?

Apollo:…

Maria: APOLLO!

Apollo: Huh? What?

Maria: Didn't you hear what I said?

Apollo: Yeah, sure, whatever.

Clyde: Is something the matter dude?

Cody: Yeah, you haven't exactly been the same since my family reunion.

Tweek: Are you slipping back into your little nihilism act?

Apollo: No, I'm fine. (Thinks up a lie) It's just that hanging behind these bushes gets very uncomfortable. I'm going to go for a swim to cool off. Bye. (Leaves)

Craig: What's with him?

Clyde: Who knows? Let's just get back to babe watching.

(The five teens go back to admiring the four girls on the beach when Terrance Mephesto shows up)

Terrance M: Salutations, ingrates.

Cody: (Under his breath) Look who's talking.

Tweek: What brings you by, Terrance?

Terrance M: Nothing much, just on a walk. (Looks over at the four girls that our heroes were gawking at) Admiring the beach beauties over there?

Craig: Of course, it's one of the hallmark beach activities.

Terrance M: (Looks at the four girls with them) Are you all enjoying what you're seeing?

Clyde: Duh, why else would we be doing this?

Terrance M: Well, enjoy this while it lasts.

Tweek: What do you mean?

Terrance M: Those four girls are at their peak. They'll never be as physically attractive as they are now. But fast forward, say, 15 years later, when pounds are packed on, crow's feet sets in, chest balloons deflate a bit, and the pretty brown/blonde/strawberry blonde hair gets a grayish tint. Suddenly they look less desirable. This should be an especially big deal for people like Clyde and Cody who just so happen to be dating two of those four ladies over there.

Cody: What are you getting at?

Terrance M: I'm saying if, or rather when, Bridgette and Bebe's appearance changes for the worse, you might not stay together for very long.

Clyde: Terrance, that's crazy. Do you honestly think Bridgette and Bebe's physical attributes are why Cody and I are in love with them?

Cody: We love them because they're good company. They know how to have fun, they're super sweet to us, grew up on good morals, and we can feel like we can be ourselves when we're around them.

Clyde: The fact that they're drop dead gorgeous is a bonus. So just watch, 15 years later, and I think the relationship Bridge and I have, and the relationship Bebe and Cody have will still be going strong.

Terrance M: Okay…but tell me, what'll happen when time catches up to you gentlemen as well. You might think you'll be able to stay with your "insignificant others" when time catches up to them, but do they feel the same way about you? What happens when your locks fall out, leaving you nothing but a couple of cue balls? Or when you start to favor the grape, or wheat/grain/hard lemonade whatever, and you start to bloat up. I doubt that's a look your ladies will get behind.

Maria: Terrance, if Clyde and Cody's girlfriends really, genuinely love them, they won't care what they look like.

Clyde: Yeah, besides, I don't mind looking bald. I dressed up as Walter White from Breaking Bad last Halloween, Bridgette loved it.

Terrance M: Clyde, everyone knows that when a woman says something, she actually means the opposite…except in the bedroom, no really does mean no.

Clyde: Bridgette wouldn't lie to me like that. She's a good Christian girl!

Terrance M: She'll lie to you if it means sparing your feelings.

Cody: Well, I know my Bebe wouldn't do me wrong.

Terrance M: How could you be so sure? Did you know about a year or two before she met you, Bebe conspired with the other girls to get Clyde on the top of "The Cutest Boy List," all so she could get free shoes.

Cody: (Visibly heartbroken) S-She didn't tell me that.

Terrance M: There's more to Bebe that meets the eye. What if she's using you the same way she used Clyde? You are one of the richest people in South Park after all.

Cody: But…she's always so nice to me and my family. She would never…

Tweek: Cody, don't listen to him!

Craig: Yeah, he's just jealous that he can't get a girl like Bebe or Bridgette so he's trying to knock you and Clyde down a couple of pegs!

Terrance M: These aren't words spoken out of jealousy. They're just facts of life that I want to impart to them. Well, I think I've overstayed my welcome here. So long, kiddies! (He leaves)

Cody: (Looks heartbroken) Clyde…is this true? Was Bebe really a conniving weasel back in the day? (Gets a pained expression on his face for calling his girlfriend such a thing)

Clyde: Don't get mad, but yeah. (He sees that Cody looks like he's about to cry) But 10 years have passed since that day, she's a changed woman. I can't even remember the last time she tried anything that evil.

Cody: Maybe I should confront her on this? I was planning on using this vacation to celebrate our eight year anniversary. Maybe I can ask her about this when I see her. I just hope it doesn't ruin things…especially for what I have planned.

Maria: That's not a bad idea. Do that!

Cody: Okay. I'm going to go find Red, Ursula, Annie, and Kurt and ask them for some romantic help for this anniversary I have planned. Catch you guys later?

Tweek: Yeah. (Cody leaves and as soon as he does, Bridon enters the scene)

Craig: 'Sup Bridon?

Bridon: Nothing much, Wolf Jaws is just taking an intermission from their beach side concert. So what are you lot up to?

Maria: Look! (Points at the four teen girls sunbathing and Bridon looks on too)

Bridon: Ah the old beachside pass time of babe watching. Probably the best type of beach activity.

Tweek: Want to look on with us?

Bridon: Sure. (Looks on with his friends)

Clyde: See anything you like…other than Bridgette and Bebe because they're off limits.

Bridon: Well, if I'm being honest. I kind of have a soft spot for PT.

Maria: You mean Kelly Pinkerton-Tinfurter?

Bridon: Yeah. I don't know what it is but there's a part of me that wants to get to know her better? Not to mention I'm the only one in my band who isn't dating. Jason and Esther are going steady, and I think Bradley is seeing both O'Connor sisters.

Clyde: Jessie and Kal?! Damn, Brad sure does get around.

Bridon: That's not the point. The point it that I want to ask PT out.

Tweek: PT is a nice girl, but I don't think she's interested in playing the Dating Game…like at all. Not since what happened with Justin all those years ago.

Craig: Still, that was eight years ago. Her heart must've healed some by now.

Maria: I don't know, the healing process for things like assault and rape vary from person to person. Take Bebe and Millie for example: They too were assaulted by Justin, but they seem to have gotten over it quickly, enough so for the former girl to get a boyfriend. PT's healing process might be a bit slower compared to theirs, hence why she's not in a rush to "get back on the scene".

Bridon: Still though, it wouldn't hurt to ask her out.

Tweek: Just get ready to be turned down, alright?

Bridon: I definitely won't have a shot at her if I don't ask her out. You'll see, things will work out well for the both of us. (Leaves to talk with Kelly PT)

Clyde: (Turns to Craig, Maria, and Tweek) Hey, you guys want to find some lunch.

Maria: Okay. (She and the three boys leave)

(We cut to the spot on the beach where Bebe and her three friends are chilling out on their beach blankets, soaking in some sun. Millie had fallen asleep complete with anime snot bubble, Bridgette is reading Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Bebe and PT are on their stomachs trying to get their backs tanned, their swimsuit tops untied as to avoid tan lines)

Bebe: (Looks over at Kelly PT to see a sun tattoo on the back of her left shoulder, and a moon tattoo on the back of the right one) Wow, those are some pretty neat tattoos, Kelly.

Kelly PT: Oh, thanks Bebe. I got them on my 18th birthday last January. The tattoo parlor where I got them does really nice work.

Bebe: I can see that.

Bridgette: I'm not a fan of body art myself, but they do give you great panache. The sun and moon motif really suits you well.

Kelly PT: I'm glad you like them, Bridgette. I didn't know whether to get these, angel wings, or a bouquet of roses. But after hearing your compliments, I think I made the right choice.

Millie: (Wakes up) What are we talking about?

Bebe: Kelly's sweet tattoos. Take a look.

Millie: (Looks over at the tattoos on Kelly's back) Say, those really do look cool.

Kelly PT: I know right?

Millie: Where did you get the work done? I'm thinking about a tattoo myself.

(It's at this moment when Bridon approaches the four girls)

Bridon: Howdy, ladies.

Millie: Oh hi, Bridon. What brings you by?

Bridon: Nothing much. I hear you girls prattling on about tattoos.

Bridgette: Yeah, PT has some pretty nice looking tattoos on her back. Want to take a look.

Bridon: (Takes a glance over at Kelly's back) Those look awesome on you, PT! Did you get them over at Tess' Ink Factory?

Kelly PT: How'd you know?

Bridon: I hear they do some awesome work. They even got 4.5/5 stars on Yelp.

Kelly PT: They're deserving of that score. Anyway, let's cut the shit. What are you doing here?

Bridon: Well, it is lunch hour for a lot of people. (Blushes nervously) I wanted to know if you wanted to go get some gyros…or fish and chips…or whatever your taste buds are in the mood for. I'm buying.

Kelly PT: So, you're interested in taking me out, eh? Well you might as well give up now because you're barking up the wrong tree, kiddo.

Bebe: PT, right now opportunity is knocking. I'd answer the call if I were you.

Kelly PT: Well I'm just not interested at the moment.

Millie: But you haven't been with a boy in eight years. Too long if you ask me.

Kelly PT: Please, if a guy wants to take me somewhere, he's out for one thing and one thing only. (Turns to Bridon) You'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to get me in bed.

Bridon: PT, if the reason you're hesitant is because of what happened between you and this Justin character…it was just one guy. Don't let what one person did change your outlook on an entire gender.

Kelly PT: (Ties her top back up and stands up) Justin may have been one guy, but all men are the same deep down inside. They're just more discrete at hiding their deviance is all. That's why if I ever share a bond with any sort of man, I want it to solely be platonic.

Bridon: Well we can just hang out as friends?

Kelly PT: (Thinks for a moment) No…I just….I can't.

(Bridgette, Bebe, and Millie look at PT with a bit of disappointment)

Bridon: Alright. If that's what you want. But I know you'll come around eventually, Kelly. And when you do, I'll be waiting with open arms. Peace. (He leaves)

Bridgette: Kel, I know this isn't my place, but it wouldn't kill you to give dating a try again.

Kelly PT: No! Not after…him!

Millie: Kelly, like Bridon said Justin was just one guy. One guy out of the whole lot there are in the world.

Kelly PT: I don't care. I'm not getting my heart broken again!

Bebe: (Ties her top back up and stands up) Kells, getting your heart broken is a part of life, but it gets better. Look at Millie and me. Justin broke our hearts but we turned out fine.

Kelly PT: Woopty-fuckin'-doo. Congratulations, your hearts as well as Red's, Annie's, and everyone else's hearts were put back together and you're all able to love again. But my heart is still in a state of heavy disrepair. (Scoffs) I don't even think my "healing process" began.

Bridgette: But Kelly, don't you ever wonder what life would be like if you had that special someone in your life. (Stares off in the direction Bridon ran off in) From the looks of things, Bridon sounded like he was very interested in you.

Kelly PT: He wasn't interested in me, he had ulterior motives. Besides isn't his father, Andre Gueermo, an abusive father/husband. Abuse is passed down from each generation, and I'd say turning down Bridon's advances means I dodged a bullet.

Bebe: Bridon's dad may be abusive, but that doesn't mean Bridon himself is abusive. I heard that he treated his recent ex-girlfriend very sweetly while they were dating, and he respected her wishes when she broke up with him.

Kelly PT: Yeah? Why did they break up? My guess is because Bridon wanted to get some, but she was against the idea and he didn't want to be with a "good girl." Fuckin' pig!

Millie: That's not true. She broke up with Bridon because she moved to Charleston, SC with her family and she thought a long distance relationship would be hard. You know, PT, not every man is about sex. Some men usually enter the scene to fix a broken heart, and I'd say that's what Bridon wanted to do for you.

Kelly PT: He would've only made things worse for me.

Bridgette: You don't know that for a fact.

Bebe: Kelly, do you remember when Mr. Slave told us there was more to life than partying? Well, I've been pondering what he meant. So, I asked many different people what they think the meaning of life is. You know what most of them said?

Kelly PT: No, but you're probably going to tell me anyway.

Bebe: They said that the meaning of life is falling in love. Just finding that missing piece of their puzzle and getting married, creating children, and experiencing all of life's ups and downs with the person that's considered their soul mate. I can safely say that since I started dating Cody, I now fully understand what everyone was prattling on about. Don't you want share your life with someone that you really care about?

Kelly PT: (Just turns around and begins to walk away) This conversation is over. I don't want to discuss about love anymore.

Bebe: But, Kelly, wait! (Kelly PT just walks on as the other three girls stare after her)

Bridgette: Poor Kelly. (Bebe and Millie face her) What Justin tried to do was heinous, but I don't think it's any reason to give up on love entirely. I just wish we could make her see clearly again.

Millie: To be honest, another reason why PT is acting the way she is could be narrowed down to the fact that Justin was the first time any boy paid her any mind. Before Justin, Bebe dated Clyde for a while, and I had a thing for Brimmy. Bebe and I probably bounced back quicker than PT because we had past experiences with other boys, and we've come to the conclusion that not all boys are bad because we think of the good times we had with our respective exes. PT on the other hand has had no experience. So now because of Justin…she's all kinds of screwed up.

Bebe: Sometimes I worry she'll never bounce back.

Bridgette: Well, God has a plan for all of us. I'm sure whatever happens will work out well for her in the end. (The three girls look in the direction Kelly took off in)

Millie: I sure hope so, Bridge. I sure hope so.

(Let's leave this depressing scene to cut back to the adults, Doug, Jeffrey, Leon, Mr. Slave, Sophocles, and Mephesto. The six are floating on their raft, sleeping like a bunch of logs. What could be bad about this…they drifted out to sea and now they're in the middle of scenic nowhere. Jeffrey wakes up calmly and looks around. He sees that there is no land in sight and he begins to panic. The camera zooms out to show how far they drifted out and he screams)

Jeffrey: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(The scream was enough to wake the rest of his party up)

Alex Slave: Jesus, Jeff, what is your problem?

Leon: (Looks around) Uh, where the fuck's the beach?! This isn't funny, where's the beach?

Sophocles: (Looks around calmly) Huh? It appears we drifted out to sea, most likely due to a riptide.

Doug: How could you be so calm?! We're in the middle of the goddamn ocean!

Sophocles: I'm simply not letting the stresses of life get to me. I'm sure things will work out in the end for us.

Jeffrey: Well we can't stay lost at sea forever. What are we going to do?

Mephesto: Did anybody bring their cell phones?

Alex Slave: (Shakes his head)

Jeffrey: I left mine back at the hotel room.

Doug: Me too, mainly because I didn't plan on going on some high seas adventure.

Leon: Don't worry, dudes, your boy Leon has you covered! (Takes his cell phone from the pocket of his swim trunks and sees that he has limited battery life) I don't have a lot of battery life left, so I have to make this next call count.

Jeffrey: Call Bebe and her friends!

Doug: No, call 911!

Leon: Sssshhhh! It's ringing! (The other end picks up) Yeah hello, is this Mao's Kitchen? I'd like to place an order for delivery!

Doug: WHAT!?

Leon: Yeah, I'd like six egg rolls, six fortune cookies…

Mephesto: Leon, this is serious!

Leon:…The five quarts of pork fried rice and five quarts of beef lo mein.

Alex Slave: Jesus Christ, Leon, call for help! You can eat later!

Leon:…And you know what, throw in some containers of egg foo young, three dozen dumplings, and about a gallon of won ton soup.

Doug: LEON!

Leon:…We're on the raft floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Probably the only one for miles. You can't miss it. I'm sure you can rent a boat or so…(Battery life died)

Jeffrey: What happened?

Leon: (Looks at his phone) My phone died. There's no battery life left.

Doug: Great! Fucking wonderful, Leon! You wasted our one phone call ordering Chinese Food!

Leon: It's not my fault that I'm hungry. And besides, when the delivery guy rends a boat, he'll find us.

Doug: I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna freaking kill him! (Turns to Jeffrey and Mr. Slave) Hold me back! (Lunges at Leon, but Jeffrey and Mr. Slave hold him back like he said)

Sophocles: (Still calm) I don't why you gentlemen are being so dramatic. We'll be fine. Though I do have to agree with Doug on one thing. It was dumb of you to call for Chinese food. We have all the food we need with the rum ham. (He looks around the raft for the rum ham) Uh…where's the rum ham.

Mephesto: What do you mean "where's the rum ham?!" Don't tell us you lost it!

Alex Slave: Uh, guys, look. (Points out into the ocean to reveal the rum ham just floating there. A lone seagull lands on it and starts pecking at it)

Sophocles: (Shrieks) NO! RUM HAM! I'm coming to save you, just hang on! (Tries to jump off the raft to save the ham)

Jeffrey: (Holds Sophocles back) No, Sophocles! Stay on the raft! It's not safe!

Sophocles: But rum ham! (The rum ham floats off with the sea gull looking at the six adults in confusion) I'm sorry rum ham! I'm sorry!

(We cut back to another part of the beach where Sam, Wendy, Kevin, Ursula, and Red are just hanging out on beach blankets, watching Kurt and Annie have fun in the ocean by swimming and collecting seashells)

Kevin: Annie and Kurt sure do look happy together.

Wendy: They look like they're having a great time together.

Red: Kurt never strikes me as the type of guy to collect sea shells. I always pictured him as more of a surfer boy.

Sam: That's Kurt for you. He may look all tough and rugged, but when it comes down to it, he's just a big goofball and a true kid at heart.

Wendy: Annie is the same way as well. Naïve, goofy, sweet, kind of childish, but she's serious when she needs to be.

Ursula: That goes double for Kurt. When the chips are down, our boy is always ready to kick some major butt.

Sam: Kurt is never afraid to be honest and stick up for what's right. I think he's good for Annie, just as she's good for him.

Kevin: I wouldn't be surprised if those two get hitched someday.

Sam: Homeboy better make me best man if they do.

Red: And if I'm not Annie's maid of honor, she just lost a best friend.

Ursula: Wow, you can be petty if you want to.

Red: (Chuckles) Just kidding. Can you imagine if I was like that?

Cody: (Enters the scene) Hello everybody.

Sam: Hey, Cody, haven't seen you much today. Are you enjoying yourself?

Cody: Very much so, old sport. But listen, I come asking for some advice on something.

Kevin: Sure, buddy, shoot.

Cody: How do I make a romantic rendezvous/interrogation for Bebe's and my eight year anniversary?

Ursula: I understand the romantic rendezvous part, but what's with the interrogation?

Cody: I want to ask Bebe about this, "Cutest Boy List" she made way back when.

Wendy: So, you finally found out about that, eh?

Sam: What?

Ursula: Yeah, I'm lost.

Red: Well back in 2015, long before Sam or you came onto the scene, we formulated a list of the cutest boys in school. We got Clyde on the top so we could get free shoes. It was a plan that backfired horribly, and resulted in just about every girl sans for Wendy getting grounded for about a week. In Bebe's case, she was arrested, but her parents bailed her out a few hours later, and they grounded her for about a month.

Cody: Arrested?! (Covers his face) I'm dating an ex-con. Why wouldn't Bebe tell me this? I tell her everything about my life and she can't tell me about this?

Wendy: My guess is that she's afraid you'd dump her if you ever found out, thinking that she hasn't changed since that day. But trust us, Cody, she is a changed person. She's a lot nicer, and she hasn't done anything that malicious in a long time.

Cody: But what if she is still a heartless girl, and this nice girl persona is just a front? What if she's using me?

Sam: Cody, listen, you ever hear the old saying "the eyes are a window to the soul?"

Cody: Yes.

Sam: Well, when you see Bebe later, just look her in those eyes of hers. I think you'll be able to tell if she genuinely loves you just by the look in her eyes.

Wendy: Another tip, as a best friend of Bebe since diapers, pay attention to how many times she blinks. She has a tic where if she lies, she blinks twice, so be on the lookout for that.

Cody: Thanks for the tip. Now, onto the romantic rendezvous. If the interrogation goes well…well let's just say I hope the ocean waves are loud enough to drown out any love cries.

Kevin: Oh I know what you're going after. You want to give Bebe some fresh sausage, don't you?

Cody: Well, Bebe and I have been talking about it since my family reunion. We've been dating for eight years, so sex would be the next logical step. That's why I've been looking for the likes of Red, Ursula, Annie, and Kurt. Speaking of which, can you guys call them over here?

Red: Hey, Ann, Kurt, get your asses over here! (The couples does as they're told)

Kurt: What's up, Red?

Red: Cody wants to speak with us about…"It"

Annie: What's it? (Kurt whispers in her ear) Oh, "it"! Well why didn't you just say so?

Cody: I figured since Red and Ursula, and Kurt and Annie did it already, they can give me some pointers (The two couples get shocked at his accusation).

Kurt: Now, Cody, what makes you think we've done it before?

Cody: Come on, isn't it obvious? Ursula and Red aren't shy about it, they talk about their little "finger exercises" on a daily basis, and when Annie posts your sessions on Facebook. (Kurt gasps at that) You guys have done it three times: Once last New Year's, another time last Valentine's Day, and the most recent time being Easter.

Kurt: (Shocked) A-Ann…why would post private stuff like that on Facebook? What sane person would do that?

Annie: Hey, I just want to let everybody know what's going on in Annie's world.

Kurt: (Stutters over his words in confusion and shock before he inhales and says…) Okay.

Annie: (Gets puppy dog eyes) Gosh, baby, I never knew this would upset you. I'm so sorry.

Kurt: (Warms up) Aww, I can't stay mad at you, babe. (Hugs her) I'm sorry I lost my cool there.

Annie: No worries, babe. Apology accepted. (Looks at her friends, smirks, and mouths out to them…) Puppy dog eyes are his weakness (Releases the hug).

Red: Anyway, Cody, we'd be more than glad to give you some pointers. First off, make sure she actually wants this. You might be ready, but she may not.

Cody: Well like I said, we have been talking about it, and she sounded pretty excited.

Red: Even still, she may get second thoughts. Just remember no means no! Furthermore, wear protection, that should go without saying.

Sam: Well Bebe is covered. She took a birth control pill on the bus.

Red: That don't mean shit if Cody's dog isn't tied down. So, Cody, please do yourself a favor and wear a condom. It'll save you a lot more trouble in the long run.

Ursula: Next tip: Pay attention to Bebe's body language and the sounds she makes. Eye contact is very important in things like this. If her eyes are wandering, she's losing interest. Overall, make sure her body is relaxed and not tensed up. As far as the sounds she makes, listen to how long she draws out her moans, and how high/low pitched it is. Above all else though, listen to her breathing. If it sounds shaky, ask her if everything is okay.

Cody: Okay.

Ursula: One more thing, if she says "don't stop," it means don't stop whatever you're doing.

Red: Just remember there's a difference between, "don't stop" and "don't comma stop." Pay attention to that as well.

Kurt: To show Bebe a really good time, I recommend going after the erogenous zones: Ears, lips, neck, boobs, butt, inner thighs, and of course her honey pot. Aim for any of these areas during foreplay and she will lose herself in lust. Again, though, pay attention to her body language to see if she enjoys where you touch her.

Annie: Finally, and this is a big one…make sure you two have a safety word.

Cody: Whoa! Annie! Bebe and I aren't into that sort of thing! If you are, more power to you, we just don't go that way.

Kurt: No, it's not what you think.

Annie: Yeah, the way Kurt and I use a safety word is if either of us are close to "completion," and we don't want the night to end. So we break so we can change positions or get a drink.

Sam: How…delightfully odd.

Cody: I'll keep the use of a safe word in mind. Other than that, I think I get it. Body language, consent, erogenous zones, and…not that I think I'll need it a safety word.

Kevin: Now all that's left is a nice private place for you two to get down and dirty. And since we're on a beach, I think I know just the place. Follow me everybody.

(Cut to the boardwalk…more specifically, under the boardwalk. Kevin leads his seven friends underneath and he shows them around)

Annie: So, Kev, what is this place anyway?

Kevin: Welcome to the area underneath the boardwalk.

Cody: Oh, like that Drifters song?

Kevin: Exactly. Under here nobody can see you and your lucky lady go at is like rabbits.

Wendy: You may also want to be careful though. A lot of criminal activity goes on under, making it a perfect hideaway for some tomfoolery. Especially if you plan on coming here at night.

Kevin: Yeah I do recommend you come here during the day. But it doesn't change the fact that a lot of love goes on down here. Many a first kiss stolen underneath this magical place, and I feel glad to share this with you, my closest friends.

(As the group of eight walk along, they end up coming across a disgusting sight…a bunch of homeless people having an orgy)

Kurt: Oh my god!

Homelss Man: Howdy…you kids like what you see?

Sam: RUN AWAY! (The eight teens run out of the area and get back from beneath the boardwalk, regrouping at a volleyball court)

Red: Kevin, what the fuck was that?!

Kevin: A bunch of homeless people banging each other!

Cody: Well we saw that! Is that the type of romantic, magical stuff you were talking about? Well that's not magical! That's nightmarish. I will never be able to un-see those horrors.

Kevin: There are other kinds of romances that happen under the boardwalk, dude.

Cody: Well whatever the hell that was, I am now turned off from whatever is beneath the boardwalk.

Sam: Well, Cody, if the land beneath the boardwalk doesn't tickle your fancy, and I don't blame you that place gave me the creeps, then it looks like you need to find a private place on the beach. I think I saw a place just south of here. An area of the beach hidden by some rocks. I don't think anyone is adventurous enough to head out over there.

Cody: At this point, any place has got to better than that homeless brothel.

Sam: Okay, let's go, follow me. (The group of seven follow Sam to the desired location)

(Cut to Stan and Heidi walking to Heidi's Uncle Ed's restaurant. Stan is now wearing a white t-shirt, and Heidi is wearing some blue jean pants to enforce the "no shirt, no shoes" rule. Stan and Heidi also have bags that contain their superhero uniforms and weapons)

Stan: How much farther until your uncle's restaurant, Heidi. I don't think I can wait much longer.

Heidi: It's coming up, Stan, just be patient.

Stan: (Sees a buttercup flower growing from the ground next to them. He plucks it and gives it to Heidi) For you, Heidi.

Heidi: Aw thank you Stan. You're so sweet. (Puts the flower behind her right ear)

Stan: (Blushes) Yellow is your better color. I'm not even going to lie.

Heidi: (Giggles)

Stan: Hey, Heidi, as long as we're alone, there's something I'd like to tell you. (Heidi nods) Heidi…w-would you like to be my… (Gets cut off by the sound of bike bell. It's Sally Turner, and she's speeding down the sidewalk, unable to control her bike)

(Sally has her hair tied in a ponytail, and she's wearing a dark blue tank top, some black jeans, and some olive green shoes)

Sally: Look out! Coming through! (Crashes into Stan, and the two go flying)

Heidi: (Runs to the two of them) Oh my gosh, are you two okay?!

Stan: (Gets up and helps Sally up) Yeah, I'm fine. Sally, why did you run into me like that for?

Sally: I'm sorry, Stan. I didn't mean to, I swear. (Walks up to her bike and picks it up) I guess that shows you how often I ride a bike. (Soon Nichole, Brimmy, and the C cap kid known as Chadwick, come up to the scene on their bikes)

(Chadwick is wearing his usual red C cap over his light brown hair. He has eyeglasses over his brown eyes, and is wearing a long sleeve sky blue button up shirt that's open to show a red undershirt, white pants, and brown shoes)

(Brimmy is wearing a yellow beanie, a dark blue sweat jacket open to show a black shirt with a picture of a green pot leaf, olive green shorts, and black shoes)

Brimmy: Whoa, dude, that was a wicked wipeout!

Sally: It wouldn't have been wicked had I broke a bone, you wacky burnout!

Chadwick: Yeah, dude, Sally or Stan could've gotten seriously injured. But all you care about is how "wicked" and "gnarly" the wipeout was.

Brimmy: I can't help it if I love hilarious crash scenes. It's why the climax to the Blues Brothers movie is one of my favorite movie climaxes of all time.

Nichole: There is something seriously wrong with you, Brim. (Turns to Heidi and Stan) Anyway, where are you two off to?

Heidi: Stan and I are off to my uncle's restaurant if you guys want to tag along?

Brimmy: Oh hell yeah! I got a serious case of the munchies, and the only prescription is some hot wings!

Nichole: Can your uncle cook me a Panini, Heidi?

Heidi: Throw in another dollar and fifty cents and he'll serve that Panini with a side of cheese fries.

Nichole: I'm in!

Heidi: Okay everybody, follow me for some good eats!

(The group of six head towards Heidi's uncle's restaurant, and after another mile or so, they finally reach it: Big Ed's Bar and Grill. The outside is blue with black shingled roof and a white door. The restaurant's sign is above the door. Stan opens the door for everybody, and they enter. The inside of the restaurant has dark green walls with many pictures of beach scenery on them. There are plenty of tables and booths for patrons to sit in, and a bar with twelve seats. Behind the bar we see Ed Turner polishing a beer mug. Behind him are shelves full of alcoholic beverages and a door that leads to the kitchen)

(Ed Turner appears to be in his mid-40s, and he's bald with a blonde mustache. He's wearing a plaid red and yellow short sleeved button up shirt, brown pants, and black shoes)

Heidi: Uncle Ed, your favorite niece is here!

Ed: (Turns his attention to his niece and her friends) Hey, Heidi! (Comes out from behind the bar to give Heidi a hug) Your dad told me you'd be coming around here. How've you been, I haven't seen you since your Sweet 16 party.

Heidi: I've been doing good. I don't know if you've heard but I've been kicking ass and taking names as the Fatal Feline.

Ed: I heard. (Releases the hug) You're really doing the Turner family proud. (Looks at Heidi's group of friends) These must be your friends.

Heidi: Yeah. Uncle Ed, I'd like you to meet Nichole, Chadwick, Brimmy, Sally, and Stan.

Ed: Nice to meet you all. I imagine the six of you must be very hungry, especially if you came all the way from South Park.

Brimmy: Oh hell yeah, buddy, wing me!

Nichole: Brimmy, mind your manners!

Ed: (Chuckles) Don't worry about it. Why don't you kids find a seat and place your orders. A server will be around to ask what you'd like to drink.

Heidi: Thanks, uncle (The six friends go over to a table in the corner of the dining hall, get their drink orders, and some time later, Ed comes to the table with their food).

Ed: Here we are: A Roast Beef Panini with some cheese fries and gravy for dipping (Places the plate in front of Nichole). An order of nuclear hot wings with some fries, celery sticks, and blue cheese (Places the plate in front of Brimmy, whose mouth begins to water). Two chicken club sandwiches with some potato chips and dill pickles. (Places the plates in front of Chadwick and Sally). One bacon cheeseburger with sweet potato fries and a side of coleslaw (Places the plate in front of Stan) And a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich with fries. (Places the plate in front of Heidi)

Heidi: You've outdone yourself uncle.

Sally: I'll say, this looks really good.

Ed: Go on, dig in. (The six teens do so, and Ed is happy to see them enjoy it)

Heidi: So, Stan?

Stan: Hmm?

Heidi: Earlier you said you wanted to tell me something. What was it?

Stan: Uh…nothing, it's stupid.

Heidi: Alright.

Ed: (Whispers in Heidi's ear) Heidi, I think that boy likes you.

Heidi: You think so?

Ed: I've seen people like him before. Mainly because I was once in his shoes. Having eyes on a beautiful girl and never having the gumption to ask her out. Do you feel the same way about him?

Heidi: A little bit. I have known Stan since we were kids…and he is kind of cute. Should I ask him how he feels?

Ed: Well, the normal way of doing things would be to have Stan ask you out, and then take it from there.

Heidi: But what if he doesn't ask me out?

Ed: Give him time, I'm sure he'll come around.

Heidi: (Looks at Stan with a slight smirk) Yeah…I think he will.

(We cut to the boardwalk, where Butters and his new friend Dan are running around having a good time. Butters just finished off his funnel cake)

Butters: Gosh, how good is funnel cake?

Dan: The best. So, you want to hit some rides?

Butters: Immediately after we ate? You sure that's a good idea?

Dan: I never said I made good decisions.

Butters: Well, okay.

Dan: Terrific. Pick a ride, any ride.

Butters: (Looks around the boardwalk and sees a slingshot ride) Let's ride this one!

Dan: (Gets nervous) Oh, the slingshot ride? You sure you want to ride that one? I'm not too sure about it.

Butters: Have you ever given it a try?

Dan: No.

Butters: Well me neither, but you know what they say, don't knock it until you've tried it. So I say we give it a try.

Dan: Well, if you insist.

(Butters and Dan get in line for the slingshot ride, and after a five minute wait, they're next. The operator straps the two into the ride)

Dan: I hope this ride isn't as crazy as those videos on the internet.

Butters: What do you mean?

Dan: I hear there are people who legit pass out on this ride.

Butters: I'm sure it's all hype. I seriously doubt anyone passes out on this…(Gets cut off by the ride starting. The duo go flying into the air, their capsule tumbling) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dan: WOOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS IS SO COOL!

Butters: AAAAAAHHHH! I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS! I DIDN'T SIGN…(He passes out. For the rest of the ride, Dan had a blast while Butters remained unconscious until the ride finally ended. The duo leave the catapult ride)

Dan: Whoa, Butters, you were right. That ride was dynamite.

Butters: (Trying to act cool) Eh, it was alright. I've been on scarier rides.

Dan: (Deadpan) You passed out didn't you.

Butters: (Blunt) Yup…the whole ride. (Suddenly he sees Jimmy Valmer and the O'Connor sisters, Jessie and Kal, carrying a bunch of snacks to an unknown location)

(The eldest of the O'Connor sisters, Jessie, cut her blonde hair so it's now in a bob cut form. She's wearing a pink sundress with a denim jacket and brown sandals)

(The youngest of the O'Connor sisters, Kal, has her curly brown hair tied in a bun. She's wearing eye glasses over her olive eyes. She's wearing an orange sweater, green miniskirt, black socks that go to her knee and dark blue shoes)

Butters: Jimmy, Jessie, Kal! Hey! (The three teens turn to face him and Dan)

Jimmy: Oh hey, B-B-Butters! Who's your friend?

Butters: This is my new friend Dan.

Dan: 'Sup.

Kal: Nice to meet you, Dan.

Dan: Likewise.

Kal: Well, I'm Kal (Points at Jessie) This is my stepsister, Jessie. (Points at Jimmy) And this is our friend Jimmy.

Butters: These are some of my friends from South Park. I don't know if I told you already, but I'm here on class trip.

Dan: Cool. (Looks back at the three teens that stand before them) So, where are you all going with those snacks?

Jessie: Wolf Jaws is about to perform on at the beach. So we want to make sure we get all of the snacks we need for the show.

Dan: Wolf Jaws? I've never heard of that band.

Jimmy: That's because they're a band formed by more of our classmates. Say D-Dan, you're welcome to come at watch the p-p-per-performance if you'd like.

Dan: I'd like that. Lead the way. (Jimmy, Kal, and Jessie lead the way as Butters and Dan follow) So, who is this band made up of?

Kal: There's lead vocalist Jason White, bass player Esther Green, electric guitarist Bridon Gueermo, and last but not least, drummer Bradley Biggle, who just so happens to be both mine and Jess' boyfriend.

Dan: You two don't mind sharing a boy?

Jessie: Not at all. We've got a whole schedule worked out to even things out. Bradley and I hang out for three days, and Kal hangs out with him for another three.

Kal: Don't forget about alternating Sundays.

Dan: Well as long as you two know what you're doing.

Butters: They do. (Under his breath) That Bradley sure is a lucky ducky to have two girls on his arm. Things are going to be fun for him on prom night.

(Cut to the Boardwalk Skate Park where Cartman, Kyle, Kenny, Lola, and their new friends are just hanging out. Ace, Inkwell, Blaze, and Carmel are doing tricks for their new friends and they are very impressed by it all)

Cartman: Those are some sweet moves, dudes.

Ace: Thanks, brah! We've been skating this beach since we were 9 years old. We've had loads of experience on these streets and on this here skate park.

Kyle: (Looks at Blaze) Hey, Blaze, I don't mean to be rude when I ask this…but where did you get those burns on your right arm.

Inkwell: I wouldn't waste my time asking him that, kiddo. He changes his story up every time.

(Flashback to these moments)

(Moment #1)

Blaze: Some kitchen grease got splashed on my arm while I was trying to cook some chicken.

(Moment #2)

Blaze: It got burned while I was trying to save some puppies from a burning factory.

(Moment #3)

Blaze: Pyrotechnic trick gone wrong

(Moment #4)

Blaze: It's just a birth mark…that's it…a large, noticeable, and somewhat painful, birth mark.

(End flashbacks)

Inkwell: Just when you think he's told you the real story, he goes an tells somebody else something different.

Blaze: What can I say? I'm a man of mystery.

Kyle: (Confused) I see…(In his mind) I bet he got that burn from something humiliating and that big lummox too embarrassed to admit it.

Blaze: (In his mind) Man, I hope that dude doesn't find out that I got this burn from sleeping with a lit cigarette in my mouth that fell on my blanket which resulted in this hideous burn. I'll never be able to live that humiliation down.

(Beat)

Blaze: Nice weather today, eh, dude?

Kyle: Pretty good.

(In another part of the skate park, Kenny, Lola, and Carmel are just hanging out and talking)

Kenny: Hey, can I ask you girls something? What would you do if you received a note from a secret admirer?

Lola: (Acts bashful) I-I really don't know.

Carmel: Well obviously I'd do some fishing.

Kenny: How would that help me find the writer of the note?

Carmel: I don't mean that kind of fishing, noodle brain. I mean, go and ask an assortment of girls to see if they wrote the letter.

Kenny: I've been doing that. I even enlisted the help of my friend Ursula. She said she'd compare handwriting with the other girls in our grade level, and we'll try and sniff out the writer that way.

Carmel: Smart move, man.

Kenny: Thanks. The only question remaining is what I'll do when I find out who the secret admirer is. What will she, or maybe even he look like. Will he/she be nice? Does he/she know that I'm poor?

Carmel: Look Ken, looks don't mean jack shit when love is involved. If they have inner beauty, as in kindness, good morals, and a keen wit that's all that really matters. For a while I dated a fat dude, but only because he was the most pure soul I've ever met. The only reason we broke up was because his parents didn't like the fact that their son was dating a women of my ethnicity, and they threatened to disown him if we didn't call it off.

Lola: So because of your race, you were denied a shot at happiness. That's so sad.

Carmel: Eh, that's life. Anyway, Ken, as far as you being poor, I don't think your admirer will care where you come from as long as you treat him/her with the love and respect he/she deserves. I can tell just by looking at you that you have a kind and caring personality. It also helps that you have the face of an Adonis.

Kenny: (Blushes) Y-You're not just saying that are you?

Carmel: No way, dude. (Lola looks a bit annoyed by Carmel's compliments)

Kenny: Well…usually I cover my face with a hood so nobody really compliments me like that. Thank you.

Carmel: I don't know why you cover yourself up. Girls will never notice you if you keep a handsome work of art like your face a secret. Open up a little bit. Trust me the ladies will come to you in flocks.

Kenny: Thanks Carmel.

Carmel: Please, call me Janice.

Kenny: Janice? That's a cute name.

Carmel: Thanks, Ken. (Lola gets more jealous). Bring it in, you big lug. (She hugs Kenny warmly and after five seconds, Lola gets in between them)

Lola: Okay, break it up you two!

Kenny: Lola, what's wrong?

Lola: (Inhales deeply and calms down) Nothing…just not too fond of PDA (Blushes embarrassingly as Kenny and Carmel look at her awkwardly).

(We cut back to the ocean, where the six adult members of the South Park Saints are still floating in the middle of nowhere. Sophocles is giving the other five adults the Kubrick Stare, holding the knife meant for the rum ham)

Jeffrey: Oh…I'm so hungry…and thirsty.

Leon: Where the hell is that delivery boy with our Chinese food? I mean, it shouldn't be that hard to find a boat to drive out here to deliver some food.

Doug: Would you forget the stupid Chinese food?! It's not coming, it's never going to come, and I can't believe you wasted our one and only phone call ordering goddamn Chinese food!

Mr. Alex Slave: Jesus, Doug, calm down! Leon just made one mistake.

Doug: One mistake that could very well be the nail that seals our coffins!

Jeffrey: I hate to interrupt, but I think it's important that we find some food before we starve.

Doug: Well where are we going to find food here, Jeff? It's not like a convenience store is going to come floating into view with all the food we could ever eat!

Mephesto: (Clears throat) Gentlemen, if I may, the sea is home to many creatures big and small. We could fish one out and feast on that. I know it's not the smartest idea to eat raw fish, but the Japanese do it all the time so it must be safe.

Jeffrey: At this point I'm willing to eat anything to stay alive.

Leon: Alright, let's do it. I'll swim down there catch us some tuna! Or maybe a flounder…and some lobster or shrimp on the side!

Jeffrey: If you find shrimp, you'll be my personal hero, Leon.

Leon: Alright now! Let's go catch some fish! (Turns to Sophocles) Yo, doc, give me that knife.

Sophocles: (Still glaring at them angrily) I don't think that's gonna happen, Leon.

Mr. Alex Slave: Uh, Sophocles, you feeling okay?

Sophocles: I just don't feel comfortable with either of you getting possession of this knife. If I'm going to stay alive, I think I'd rather be the one with the knife.

Mephesto: What do you mean if you're going to stay alive?

Doug: I hope I'm wrong…but are you planning on killing and eating us, Sophocles.

Sophocles: I didn't say that. But when you're put in situations like this, you've got to do what you can to stay alive…even if you're not proud of it. Do you understand…my little rum hams?

Jeffrey: Did he just call us "his little rum hams!"

Sophocles: (Giggles maniacally) What? No, why would I do that?

Doug: Damn, he's off his rocker! The lack of food and being out in the heat must've caused him to go delirious.

Mr. Alex Slave: Sophocles, let's calm down before we do something we're going to regret. It's too soon to resort to cannibalism!

Sophocles: Tell that to the rum ham!

Leon: Doc, calm down, please!

Sophocles: (Giggling maniacally) That rum ham was my best friends and he…he…HE'S GONE! THE ONE THAT MATTERED, THE RUM HAM, IT'S GONE!

Jeffrey: Stop talking about that fucking rum ham!

Sophocles: (Raises his knife, gets a slasher smile, and gets ready to swing it at Mr. Slave) It should've been you!

Mr. Alex Slave: (Screams)

Doug: Sophocles, stop! (He punches Sophocles in the face, causing him to let go of the knife. The knife does a few flips in the air before landing pointy end into the raft. The raft begins to deflate)

Sophocles: (Snaps out of his delirium) Wha…What happened?

Leon: You went insane and now we're all going to die. Look! (Points at the knife in the raft)

Sophocles: Oh, that's not good.

Doug: Oh really? We're going to drown out here! Things cannot get any worse!

Jeffrey: (Sees something in the distance) Hey, guys, you might want to see this. (The six adults are looking at what appears to be an armada of pirate ships sailing towards them) It looks like an armada of ships!

Mephesto: You mean we're saved?!

Jeffrey: Looks like it!

(The six adults shout out for help, and the leading pirate ship lowers a rope. The six adults climb it with whatever strength they have left, and get onboard. They look around to see hoards of crewmates glaring at them, swords and guns at the ready. It's at this moment when the captain shows up: Alejandro Cervantes!)

Cervantes: Aye? What have we here?

Crewmate #1: We found 'em drifting in the sea, me captain!

Crewmate #2: What should we do with 'em? Use them as blood samples for Damien?

Cervantes: Not so fast! These scurvy dogs look familiar…

Crewmate #3: Sir, methinks they be members of them South Park Saints. (Points at Doug, Jeffrey, Leon, and Mr. Slave) Cerulean Viper, Beo-Wolf, Sgt. Stevens, and Glamorous Gardener be those four. (Points at Sophocles and Mephesto) But I don't know who they be?

Doug: Wait…Damien…blood samples…oh no!

Cervantes: (Chuckles evilly) Surprise! I, Captain Alejandro Cervantes, be the last advocate ye be seeking. Tell me, where be the rest of your crew?

Leon: We'll never tell you!

Cervantes: I don't need ye to tell me. (Shouts up to the crow's nest) Where's the nearest area of land?

Crewmate #4: (Looks through his telescope and sees Venice Beach not far from where they are) I see land just west of here! It's the same place I saw last night!

Cervantes: I'm willing to be these saints drifted from there. Methinks if we go to that beach, we'll find the rest of those scurvy dogs.

Crewmate #3: Sir, what do we do with these six here?

Cervantes: Send them to the brig for now. I'll figure out what we'll do to them in due time. In the meantime, full speed ahead westward! Let's flush those saints out!

(Cervantes grins evilly as his armada continues to sail towards Venice Beach. With six of the South Park saints in captivity, and the rest unaware of what's coming, it looks like our heroes' vacation is getting cut short)

TO BE CONTINUED…

I'm going to be putting this fanfic on hold for right now, as I'm currently working on a separate project that'll kind of link in to this story. It will all make sense in due time.