Chapter 32

Final Decisions

May 30th, 2187

Markus sat beside Tali, their feet hanging over the edge of a cliff overlooking one of Rannoch's northern beaches. The sun was in the waning minutes of the day, casting the sky with a wide range of yellows, pinks, oranges and reds. Below them, the river was set ablaze. Waves pounded against the rocks below, splashing up to a full dozen meters in the air. The steady sound of the crashing ocean provided a relaxing sound and added the extra flair of romanticism.

'Red at night, sailor's delight,' he thought. Though not a sailor anymore, he still enjoyed the old adage. With luck, tomorrow would be a good day.

The two had chosen to hike up from a small road at the base of the cliff for the day. It was a change of pace for them both to get away from the wild personalities keeping the house energized at all hours of the day.

For the last hour they sat in silence. His arm was wrapped around her waist and her head sat against his shoulder. Maybe he was being dramatic, but it genuinely felt like every ten minutes he sat with her took away months of stress.

It also made what he was about to do all the more stressful. Every time he tried to start, he felt his throat tighten. Every time he tried he gave in and made a comment about the breathtaking view below.

"Tali, there's, uh," Shepard swallowed, trying to remove the uncomfortable lump that was in his throat. "There was something I wanted to talk with you about. Well, 'wanted' isn't quite the right word," he stammered out.

"What do you mean?" Her head cocked to the side.

He paused. Dropping it wouldn't help. He had to talk with her about this. Openly. Now wasn't the best time but he didn't see any better ones down the road. Keeping a lid on it would only infuriate her when it did come out.

"Last month when I came back from the Council meeting, Chakwas had to … she had to do a pretty extensive scan of me to figure out what happened."

He could almost see her brow furrowed behind the opaque mask.

"When I set the crucible off, it … there was a …"

For the last few hours he'd been going over how he'd tell her but now he was getting tongue tied. Talk about a joke. The council, he'd lose his temper with them and be overly blunt, rant at their idiocy or just tell them off. A superior tells him to march into certain death, he politely tells them how to fix the plan so he's not being used as a bullet sponge. But when it came to something personal, he couldn't find the words. Not if he felt it might hurt someone he loved.

"She found something in nerve endings, in my cells. They were active but they weren't working. Or, more accurately, acting kinda weird. I'm not too sure on the specifics." He let slip a mild chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. "Biology was the one of the few classes I could never pass. Basically, when the crucible became active, it blasted me with some type of self-perpetuating radiation."

He didn't need to see the look on her face to know what she was thinking.

"Don't worry, it's non-communicable. EDI ran through the entire periodic table and found a mix that'll keep my cells from degrading but it comes with a catch; long-term it'll cause lung and heart failure."

"H-how long term? Decades?" He could hear the faint whispers of hope in her voice.

"I managed to buy a few years with the attack on Omega. Lot of my corrupted cells were flushed. But bottom line is, twenty, maybe twenty-five years at the most."

She tried speaking a number of times but only a faint squeak came out, all the while holding into him tighter. "But humans c-can live – you said your people live to a hundred on average, usually more."

"I know. But you know what? We can do a whole hell of a lot with twenty years. Besides, EDI has I don't even know how many processes trying to come up with alternatives." He pulled her closer to his face. "So you know what? I'm not worried about it. I will take whatever time I can get with you and I'll be grateful for it."

"How can you do that? Be happy knowing that you'll die – when you'll die?"

He paused. It was a tough question. For as much as knowing when, it unnerved him just as much.

"Think of it this way: even the person who lives life to the fullest can still have regrets." His eyes had drifted away from her and were now looking at the "At any point in their lives they might become sick and die. At least this way, I have a rough timetable to work with. I know it's not much of a reason, but it's how I've been getting through it so far. Or at least, that's what I've been telling myself for the last few weeks.

A contented smile crossed his face as he spoke. "So here's what I want to do: I want to climb these cliffs with you. I want to build a greenhouse and a little dock with a boat for fishing. I want to get every last little minute I can right down to having a lazy day and not leaving the bed once with you."

"You're really fine with this?" she asked, still in disbelief. He could almost hear resentment towards him. If the situation was the other way around he would in all certainty be feeling the same way.

"Like I said, it's how I've been dealing with it. Not sure how long it'll last, but it's all we can do: use what works for as long as it can."

He finally tore his gaze from the darkening horizon. The sun had fallen just below sea level, still casting light across the shores.

"So … what do you want to do now?"

"I think I just want to go back right now." Her voice was hollow.

Amanda swung herself upside-down on the couch. "God, I'm so bored!" she groaned.

Sonya rubbed her temple, nursing the tail-end of a hangover. So was everyone else. Everyone except Amanda, who had been groaning for the last two hours almost non-stop. "You are aware that Markie and Tali needed some proper time alone? As in just the two of them. Alone."

Amanda let another sigh go. "Yeah, yeah. I got the lecture already."

"Well then it should have sunk into your thick skull. Jeez. Just … get your sketch pad out or something. Please? Just keep it quiet. I still have a headache here."

"Okay, fiiine," Amanda moaned.

She left the living room for one of the bedrooms that overlooked the nearby river. Rummaging through her duffel bag, she pulled an old paper sketchpad and a pencil out. She hesitated for a few seconds before she began to fervently design a dress for Tali. Every stroke Amanda made, every gentle rub and erasure on the oily paper only increased her focus and cleared her vision.

Each stroke added a thickness to the final design of the wedding dress. 'How much foofera should I put in it?' The plan was a ball gown. Now she was arguing for A-line. The Grecian neck line would certainly look wonderful on her. 'Then again an illusion style would add a nice flair with it. Hmm … '

She finished the first design and went straight on to a second. There needed to be a backup or two just in case she said no to the first one. Her pencil ground down bit by bit as she turned out dresses for the women. Her sisters wouldn't argue. She knew their style well enough but it'd take time. This left the secondary and tertiary designs for Tali, as well as two designs each for Ashley, Miranda, Samantha, Liara, Kasumi, Samarra and Jack. After that would be the guys. Guys were easy. Just get them a tux with a bow and they were done. Color was the only thing they cared for. No pizazz beyond the utmost of basics. Sooo boring.

Someone pulled on her shoulder, sending her pencil flying across the pad and out of her hand. An unsightly thick line now existed, stretching from the right side of the sleeve for the first alternative she'd designed for Liara, ending above the left side. It crossed right around where her neck was, decapitating the rough sketch of her head.

"Dammit, what the hell?!" She'd only sat down just a few minutes ago, an hour on the outside. She'd burned through several pencils, tossing them aside when they were ground too far down.

She looked up at the person who had interrupted her so rudely. Beside her was Sonya. She'd since changed from her clothes from the night before.

"I wanted to let you know dinner is ready," Sonya said, her hand still on Amanda's shoulder.

"Eh? Wait … I zoned out, didn't I?" She looked beside her and saw the pile of papers scattered across the bed. She filed them together into a single stack. All in all, she had more than two dozen full blown sketches made. "So what time is it?"

"Twenty-one hundred local. And to answer your next, we've got vegetable stir-fry for dinner."

"Ooh. Wait, did Mom or Dad make it?" For the last several days their father, Sigmund, had been drawing the press hounds off of the rest of the family and crew. With the string of events that had been happening recently, the Alliance's PR department hadn't been able to get someone to act as a shield between the Shepards and the vultures in the press.

"I dunno. I think it might have been both of them. Took a quick taste of it. Surprisingly good. Guess they're trying to make up for lost time." Sonya shrugged, dismissing the thought as quickly as it had come. "Either way, Markus will be back in an hour, and I need to figure out what to say to him when he gets back. He and Tali took off this morning before anyone got up."

"Cool. I'll grab Tali and we'll talk which dress she wants. I think I cam make something to work with her suit, but this would be a lot easier if quarians didn't have such weak immune systems. Oh, and let Ashley know I want to see her about her dress too."

"Mandy, we've been over this: Dress A uniforms are standard for all military personnel. It's not likely that we'll change that any time soon. Not even for Markus"

Amanda released a huff, blowing the hair on her bangs.

Markus cocked his head to the side. "Tali, are you listening?"

"Hmm? Oh. Uh, sorry. What were you saying?."

"Are you okay? Seems like you've been out of it since dinner."

"It's nothing." Her hands began to fidget nervously "I promised Williams and Adams that I'd make a few last repairs to the Normandy, get her back to specs before resigning." There was something else going on, but he didn't want to press it. He guessed that she wanted to talk with Chakwas about his condition.

"Okay. I'll see you later." Her hand gently passed over his cheek.

If he had to guess, she was still trying to process what was going on with him.

He until she left the house before looking for Garrus. Sifting through the house, he found him sitting with Grunt at the dining table. "May I talk with you?"

"Fine," the tank bred said.

"Actually, I meant Garrus only, Grunt. Sorry. Don't want any of them," he gestured with his head towards his family who was conversing with Kasumi and Kolyat. "To overhear. And it'd be boring for you."

The krogan gave an ambivalent huff.

Garrus stood up and followed his friend. Shepard led them to the balcony outside of the first bedroom on the first floor. Garrus closed the door behind him asking, "So what did you want to talk about?"

Tali walked out of the elevator onto the crew deck of the Normandy and headed for the ship's medical bay. She was late for her appointment with Chakwas.

The door slid open and she continued on, not noticing the marine adjusting his eye patch. The two slammed into each other. Tali's head snapped up to look at the marine she bumped into. His torso was nearly twice the size of her hips.

"Whoa. Sorry. Didn't see you, Sparks. Sorry 'bout that."

Tali slipped into her old habits, hands fidgeting, shifting her weight back and forth and feeling like an obtruding stranger. "Oh, no. No it's my fault. I-I should have been paying attention."

"Eh, don't worry about it," James said with his usual relaxed tone. "Hey, what are you doing here? Thought that you already got the okay from Lola to go. Not that I don't want you around. It's just that, ah," He started rubbing the back of his neck, realizing he was in danger of accidentally digging himself into a hole. "You know what, I think I'm gonna stop while I'm ahead. I'd love to stay and talk, but I'm on an early shift tomorrow."

"Oh, of course. Sorry I kept you."

The two exchanged places and the door closed behind her.

Doctor Chakwas was sitting at her desk as always. She turned in her chair to look at Tali. "I was wondering if you were going to skip the treatment today. You know if you want it to work, you have to keep a religious routine."

"I know. I'm sorry. Dinner ran longer than expected."

"I see. EDI already has the core room sterilized. Whenever you're ready."

"Right. I just, um, about how much longer will it take?"

"At this point you could get away with vitamin tablets twice a day, though I'd prefer another week of observation. But Commander Williams has other ideas I guess."

"Okay." She was about to enter the core room when she stopped once more. "Um, c-could I see Shep– ah, Mark's file? Th-the one where you and EDI worked on him?" Her voice was barely loud enough to be heard.

Chakwas nodded her head gently. "Sure thing. I'll need a second. If I may ask, why are you interested in it now?"

"Well, he told me about why he collapsed. I just … I-I thought maybe," her hands began to fidget again. A thought had occurred to her. 'I know nothing of human biology. What can I really do to help? Here I am, pretending I can help with something that means everything to me but I don't know anything about it.' She could feel her resolve steeling itself, forging itself. For too long she'd been relying on others to help her. 'No. No more. I refuse to lose him again. Not like this.'

"Could I also get a datapad on human physiology?"

Chakwas gave her another confirming nod.

Tali moved for the core room where EDI had most of her run times focused. Inside, she removed the purple-hued suit that was a veritable second skin. On the table at the far side of the room was an ugly tan and black suit. She looked at it with regret. The material that made it up was as uncomfortable as it was unsightly. Sighing, she picked it up and pushed an arm into the sleeve.

'At least she keeps it warm in here,' she thought.

A/N: I know it's been a while. O a year in fact. I wish I could say that it'll improve, but I've been having a difficult time finding motivation to write when I've had the time, and hard finding time when I've had the motivation. New hobbies are taking much of my time, as is the commute to and from work.

For those of you that are actually reading this, thank you for your devotion and dedication to lasting this long. Truth be told, when I first started writing, I thought I would have finished this story inside of two years easy. Heh. That went well, huh?

Anyhow, I know this one was also kinda short, but I didn't feel like adding any more just for the sake of making it longer. Felt like it was meant to end here.