Chapter 13

Dinner that evening was tense. Ren had not joined them, Leia barely touched her food, and Han barely contained his anger at Ren's absence, leaving Rey to remain silent in favor of focusing on remembering proper dinner protocol. After dinner Leia gave her apologies to Rey and retired to her room, Han following suit. Rey, left to her own devices in an unfamiliar home, went first to the drawing room and then, finding nothing to occupy her there, decided to go back to their room and check on Ren.

As Rey entered the room, she saw Ren sitting on a chair, reading. He glanced up, nodded at her, and then returned to his reading. Rey chewed her lip a moment before walking over to the chair opposite Ren and picking up her own book.

"I trust dinner went well?"

Rey looked up, finding Ren looking at her, eyebrows raised in question. She pressed her lips together in irritation.

"It would have been better had you joined us," she replied.

"I doubt that," Ren said.

Rey sighed. "Your father was angry you did not appear and your mother was distraught. She has enough to worry about, losing her brother, without you adding to her despair."

Ren looked away. "I came. That is more than they deserve."

Rey sighed again, falling back in the chair in defeat.

"Why does my lack of relationship with my family bother you so?" Ren asked.

Rey willed her frustration away. "And I might ask why you hate the parents who love you, the uncle who has tried to make amends."

Rey shook her head when Ren looked away. "We will continue to talk in circles if you do not admit, whether to yourself or to me, that you care for your family."

Rey watched Ren closely, noting the ticking in his jaw as he remained silent. After several tense moments, Rey set down her book and walked to the chair next to Ren's. Sitting down, she turned towards him, hesitantly laying a hand on his arm. She felt him tense at the contact and made to pull her hand way. Ren turned towards her and grasped her hand, staying its retreat. Rey's eyes flew to his, surprised to see a myriad of emotions behind them.

"My parents have never chosen me," Ren said, his voice rough. "Why should I choose them?"

Rey frowned, shaking her head. "What do you mean? They very obviously care a great deal for you."

Ren shook his head, staring intently at her, as if willing her to understand. "When I was a boy, I was left in the care of a nanny. This is not uncommon in the peerage, but my parents were rarely at home, so I rarely saw them. They were too busy with their social life to bother with the child neither had planned for."

Rey swallowed emotion, pressing her lips together as Ren continued, now looking over her shoulder, eyes distant.

"I had no sibling, no companion, no parent. I was left alone." Ren narrowed his eyes, his expression now turning severe.

"When I was ten, my mother suddenly appeared with Poe Dameron, claiming we would be good friends." Ren swallowed and clenched his hand into a fist. "My mother doted on him, as she had never doted on me. When I tried to tell her of his cruel teasing, she claimed he meant no harm."

At Ren's explanation, Rey's mouth fell open, realization dawning.

"You're jealous of him," she whispered, more to herself than to Ren.

Ren's eyes flashed. He dropped her hand, turned away. Rey braced herself for a verbal rebuttal of her assumption but instead Ren continued as if she hadn't spoken, ignoring her statement entirely. "Even my uncle abandoned me. When my mother felt my emotions were out of control, she pushed us together, expecting Luke would be able to teach me control. When that failed, I was to blame. My mother again sided against me."

"What of your father?" Rey asked, sensing Ren needed to speak and swallowing her own questions regarding Captain Dameron.

Ren scoffed. "My father had no interest in me. Though I excel at hunting, I have no taste for it. My mother again pushed the two of us together and every time it ended in quarrels."

Ren looked at Rey then. "Even you would side against me."

Rey recoiled in shock as hurt flooded through her. Shaking her head, Rey stood quickly, planning to leave the room and making no move to correct Ren's accusation.

As she turned away, Ren quickly grasped her hand. "Wait." Rey stopped, closing her eyes, but did not turn back to him.

"I…I apologize," Ren said thickly. "That was unkind." Rey swallowed, biting hard on her bottom lip, trying to decide if she would rather turn or run.

"Please," Ren spoke softly.

Rey sighed, squaring her shoulders, and turned back to Ren.

"Do you know what my hope was going into our marriage?" Rey did not attempt to keep the hurt and bitterness out of her tone. Ren watched her closely, shaking his head once. "It was my hope that if love was not to be had, that I could at least have a companion. Despite being pushed into a marriage I did not want, my greatest wish was that I would not have to live this life alone. I have never sought to work against you, Ren, and that you would believe me capable of it shows how very little you know about me."

Rey wrenched her hand free and walked quickly to the door. Before she reached it, however, a hand on her shoulder drew her to a halt. Rey quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen before being abruptly turned and crushed in a hug, her arms pinned against Ren's chest as his own arms completely encircled her, his chin resting atop her head.

"Please forgive me," Ren said, his voice rough. "I spoke out of turn. It was not my intent to insult you. I…I have a nasty habit of speaking without thinking when my temper gets the better of me."

Rey did not know how to respond, either to Ren's apology or to his tight grip. Letting out a breath, Rey found herself leaning into Ren. She could hear his heart beating rapidly, the sound of his breath hitching as the tension dissipated between them. Rey tried to return the hug, but her arms were soundly pinned to Ren's chest.

They remained that way awhile, neither speaking. Rey, for her part, was attempting to piece together everything she had learned thus far about Ren and reconcile it with the man currently hugging her as if she were his last lifeline.

"I thought you hated me," Ren said, softly.

Rey frowned, pushing against Ren's chest. He dropped his arms and Rey took a half step back, tilting her head up to study him.

Shaking her head, bemused, she said, "I never hated you."

Rey could see the uncertainty and strange vulnerability in Ren's eyes as he studied her in return.

"I hardly knew you," she continued. "I went from being a servant of Mr. Plutt to being mistress of a manor and a Duchess. I was so overwhelmed I did not know what to do, and you did not seem inclined to help settle me into my role."

It was several moments before Ren spoke. "I gave you tutors."

A corner of Rey's mouth turned upwards as she resisted the sudden laughter bubbling up. Swallowing she said, "But you did not give me you. I was, and in most ways still am, married to a stranger."

"I saw the way you looked at me," Ren said. "Like I was a monster come to frighten you." He swallowed thickly. "I stayed away because I assumed you did not wish to be in my presence."

"It would seem," Rey said after a long moment, "That we have been at crossed purposes."

Ren frowned down at her. "Where does that leave us now, then."

Rey looked down as she considered. Turning her head back up she replied, "How about we start by becoming friends."

Ren did not immediately answer, frowning down at her in thought. For once Rey could not see the emotions behind his eyes, as if he had shuttered his eyes. Finally, after several long moments, Ren nodded and stepped back.

"If that is what you wish," he said, "then of course."

Somehow, his answer did not give Rey the sense of peace she had hoped for.

They spent the rest of the evening in companionable silence, each reading their novels in the chairs by the window. Rey, however, had a difficult time concentrating. There was something in the way Ren's gaze had become shuddered at her suggestion they become friends that ate at her. It left her feeling unsettled and she could not fathom why. He had been perfectly amiable as they returned to their chairs, offering his arm to escort her the scant feet from one end of the room to the other, and yet the pleasant interaction had left her feeling unsatisfied.

Eventually Rey sighed, giving up all hope of concentrating on her reading, and went to the bell pull. It was not until she had pulled it that she then remembered she'd be sharing a bed with Ren. Given their newly formed cordiality, Rey did not expect Ren to try anything untoward, though, she reminded herself, it would be within his rights as a husband to do so. Rey bit her lip as she realized, in confusion, that the thought did not distress her nearly as much as it had when she had learned of it from Rose.

Both Beatrice and Ren's valet arrived shortly after Rey pulled the bell. Ren nodded at his valet who set about pulling out Ren's night clothes.

Rey quickly averted her eyes, heat flooding her face as she turned towards Beatrice. There was a gleam in Beatrice's eyes as she curtsied.

Rey cleared her throat. "I'd like to prepare for bed now, please."

"Of course, ma'am," Beatrice stated.

There was no vanity and only one mirror, which Ren was currently standing in front of. As the valet removed Ren's shirt, Rey's eyes widened and her mouth went dry. She had never occasion to see a man without his shirt, though Rey wondered if all men were as muscular. As her gaze slid upwards, she found Ren watching her, his face impassive. Rey quickly averted her eyes, her blush intensifying. She turned around, placing a hand on the desk in front of her.

"Where should you like to dress, ma'am?" Beatrice asked, walking up to her side, a note of laughter in her voice.

"You can take the mirror," Ren replied, stepping back. "I'll finish dressing over by the desk."

Ren walked away from the mirror, still without a shirt, headed towards where Rey was currently standing.

Rey nodded. "Thank you, sir," she said as she quickly moved past him, head down.

Standing in front of the mirror, it occurred that Ren would also be able to see her without her outer garments. When she looked in the mirror, however, she saw that Ren was keeping his back turned. As Beatrice unbuttoned her dress, Rey could not help but glance again at her husband, at the strong muscles of his back as he slid on the nightshirt his valet held out.

"Ma'am?" Beatrice asked.

Rey realized that Beatrice had finished unbuttoning her dress and was waiting for her to step out of it. Shaking herself, Rey apologized.

Standing now in only her undergarments, Rey felt very exposed. Ren, and his valet, both kept their backs turned, but Rey could not help but rush into her nightshirt as Beatrice held it out.

"Would you like me to remove the pins from your hair?" Beatrice asked.

It seemed an odd question to ask, considering Beatrice always helped Rey braid her hair in the evenings. Rey nodded, quickly moving her gaze to the floor as she caught Ren removing his trousers in the mirror. Beatrice efficiently unpinned Rey's hair and quickly braided it back.

Stepping away, she asked, "Will there be anything else, ma'am?"

Rey put a hand up to her collar, feeling naked despite being covered from neck to toes. "No, that will be all, Beatrice. Thank you."

Beatrice nodded, sharing a look with Ren's valet before she left, corners of her mouth turned upwards.

Rey fidgeted with the ruffles at the end of her sleeves, unsure what to do. She glanced at the bed supposing that, as she had initially rung the bell in order to go to sleep, she might as well get in it. It was as she walked up to the bed, however, that she realized she had no idea which side she was to sleep on. She stared at the bed for several moments before Ren spoke up.

"It does not matter which side. I have no preference."

Rey swallowed and nodded, not daring to look at him as she crawled into the bed and pulled the coverss up to her chin. She stared at the canopy as Ren went around the room extinguishing the remaining candles. When he was left with only the candle lit by the bed, he walked over to his side of the bed, pulling the covers back and sliding in.

Rey was sure she could feel his body heat, even through her clothes. She wanted to turn on her side, but shied away from the thought of having her back turned towards him.

As she continued debating, Ren spoke again. "If you wouldn't mind blowing out the candle?"

"Of course." Rey's voice came out in a rasp as she turned to the candle and blew, throwing the room into complete darkness.

Rey was very certain she was never going to sleep with Ren lying next to her. All her senses seemed attuned to the man lying next to her. His breathing sounded normal, not nervous as hers was. She could smell the remnants of his cologne.

They both remained silent for a long while, though Rey was certain that Ren was just as awake as she was.

Rey's distracted herself by turning her thoughts towards all the things she had yet to say. She had not yet asked him about Rose, nor had she returned to the subject of Poe, and Ren's jealousy. She turned both thoughts over in her head, now wondering how else she had misread her husband. He had thought she hated him. She thought back to all the quarrels they had, to Rey's own frustrations, and viewed them within the lens of Ren's belief in her hatred. It struck her anew that she had severely misjudged him.

"Why did you hire the Smiths?"

Rey asked the question softly, but in the quiet room it felt as if she were shouting it.

Ren remained silent for so long that Rey began to think he was asleep.

She heard rustling and felt Ren's breath touch her cheek as he turned onto his side.

"You claimed to be lonely and that your one companion was only available on Sundays," he said softly.

Rey swallowed at the flutters his tone, spoken so closely to her ear, elicited. He had heard her, had listened to her when she claimed to be lonely, had done something to ease the feeling. Rey's heart constricted as she recalled their earlier words and her claim that she had been left alone.

Rey turned her head, glad that the darkness hid how close they were.

"I've misjudged you, Ren. I'm sorry."

There was silence for several moments before Ren spoke quietly, "Call me Ben."

Rey's heart jumped into her throat. "Alright," she said, her voice shaky.

She turned her head back to face the canopy. "I've misjudged you…Ben." His given name was so similar to his title, and yet it felt so much more intimate to use it.

"It would seem we misjudged each other," Ben said in return.

Silence again filled the room. The tension between them remained, though it had changed in nature. Rey felt a pull towards Ben. She wanted to reach out, to grasp his hand, but did not dare, not knowing where his hand was and not wishing to end up in an awkward situation. The feeling persisted, however. She felt magnetized towards the man next to her and the longer the silence stretched between them, the longer she felt his breath on her cheek, the stronger the feeling became.

Rey was moments from giving in when Ben abruptly turned onto his other side.

"Goodnight, Rey," he said.

Rey swallowed against the disappointment suddenly coursing through her. "Goodnight, Ben."

A/N: Thanks as always for reading! I forgot to mention in the previous chapter what the heck pleurisy is. It was actually several different things, but generally described a person who had problems breathing and usually fluid retention. It could be caused by things like congestive heart failure or pneumonia. But anyway, reviews are always appreciated! :D